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Find Me (Styxx & randomname98766789)

When Ellie said that there was too much space, Tara knew it basically meant “I don’t want to be alone”. Honestly, Tara did not want to be alone, either. It was more than welcomed. Stepping back, she offered entrance into her room. When Ellie stepped inside, the dark-haired woman closed the door behind Ellie. “Make yourself at home.” She whispered quietly since they had shared a bed before. It was not a big deal. Crossing her arms when Ellie asked if she was alright, Tara nodded her head at first. Well, that did not last long. There was some phenomenon in humans Tara did not understand. One second after crying, she was finally held it together. The second someone asks “are you okay?”, it opens up the waterworks. Just after saying that, Tara choked back a sob and covered her mouth and nose with both hands after Ellie placed a hand on her shoulder. Damn it, Tara. Not now. She was pissed. She wanted revenge and she wanted to kill the people that took Denise. On the other hand, she wanted to take her time to grieve. One part of her wanted to say that she already grieved enough and now she should think about revenge.

It felt weak. It made her think that she was weak. Even though it was something that every human needed, Tara wanted to stop. She quietly thanked Ellie for her comforting words. Tara figured everyone knew what it felt like to lose someone now that they were so far into the apocalypse. It was not fair to the others for her to get a chance to grieve. There was nothing special about her but that did not stop the tears or the feelings of sadness. Finally, Tara just pulled Ellie down to sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t come here to see me cry. I’m sorry for being a bad host here. Thank you, though. I just haven’t been in this bed without Denise in a long time. It doesn’t even feel real. I can’t even say goodbye to her. There’s no telling where her body is.” That was the worst part of it all. “God, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about my problems. I know you have lost, too. I’m being too selfish. We should… we should get some rest.” Tara murmured quickly, figuring the other woman did not want to hear anything.
 
"You're not a bad host," she said simply as she steps in towards the bed, keeping her hand on Tara's shoulder until they sat down on the edge. At that point she put her arm around Tara, her hand resting just above her hip, and she gave the woman a light squeeze.

"Something terrible happened and you're allowed to be hurt," she angled her body so that she can push a lock of Tara's hair out of her face and she offers the brunette a slight, apologetic smile. In a way she still felt like she was just as guilty of the deaths that had happened here as if she had been the one to kill them herself, but she pushed away her anxieties and worries. "It's not a bad thing to need to let it out. And... I don't know if it'll mean anything but things will get better. You won't forget her and you'll be angry someone took her from you, but you'll always have the time that you had together."

Ellie fell away from Tara back on to the bed, her legs still bent at the knee over the edge. She stared up at the ceiling with a blank gaze, resting her hands one on top of the other on her belly. "A week ago I wanted to die. Now I see a chance at living again. There's always something to keep you going." She sounds like she's saying something meaningful and she hopes she is, but she also knows that it might fall in deaf ears. Loss drove people to depths they didn't know they could sink to if they didn't fight to keep themselves in tact. She'd nearly given up many times - when she lost each and every person she'd ever gotten close to... Poppy had hurt the most until she had to accept she might never see her own brother ever again. Hell, part of her still wanted to give up.
 
As wild as it sounded, Tara welcomed the touch. She thought it would have been a long time before she wanted to feel anything again: even a hug. She was wrong though. Maybe it was because this was Ellie that put an arm around her. Tara felt confident the result was not the same if it were anyone else. Ellie was making sense, though. She should be allowed to hurt, be allowed to cry. It was not a sign of weakness. It was a sign of her humanity: something that this Negan character lacked. Tara would never forget Denise. She would likely think of her girlfriend as soon as she woke up each morning and once again when she tried to fall asleep at night. She would be there forever. Nobody could take their memories. It was easier said than done when it came to accepting that and moving forward. It would take time to heal.

When Ellie started talking to her, Tara listened. What she said was truly meaningful and it helped Tara. Her eyes brimmed over with tears and she finally decided to lay down beside of Ellie in the same manner. The same blank look on her face was there. “I think you’re onto something. I know that Denise wouldn’t want me to give up. I know she’d want me to keep going.” That was not enough, though. Denise was not here to help her but Tara did have something to keep going for.

“If for nothing else, I am going to keep myself alive and not give up so I can have my revenge. There are people here who know the exact son of a bitch who shot her. When we cross paths one day. I’ll kill him. I know it won’t bring anybody back but I don’t give a damn. Someone will pay for what happened. It’ll be that man, Dwight, that will pay.” Rosita uttered his name before when she explained what happened. Now, Tara would think of that name every night as well, hoping to put a face to that name soon.
 
Dwight - Ellie knew that name, knew the woman who had once been his wife until she was put in the same situation Ellie had been put in just a few weeks before her. Sherry it was, if she remembered right. A good woman - loyal, comforting. She'd given her freedom to keep her husband alive and in the process lost him for good. Hell, she even knew Dwight. Wasn't fond of him sure, knew he was one of the men who went out to do the dirty work and she knew her brother hadn't liked him much either. Was now the time to mention that?

"You'll have a hard time finding him away from Negan," she mused, not even realizing she was speaking until the words were already out. "He fucked up bad, tried to run off with his wife and got caught. He's on a tight leash and eager to try to prove he can be trusted again." El had ended up hearing all about that, of course - just as the rest of the women had when the devil had sauntered in to the room with his bat swaying. She didn't have to hear about it several days later when a new woman joined her ranks, sacrificing herself so that the one she loved could walk away with nothing more than a scarred face instead of not walking out of it at all. Personally, Elliot never wanted to see Dwight again - their last run in had been when she had been seperated from Brandon. She wholly supported the end of that man.

Ellie moved one hand from her abdomen to rest on Tara's hand, finding a solace in the slight contact but also not even thinking that it may not be appreciated. "They all need to be taken down, Negan and his cronies. But there are a lot of people there like me. Innocents, just trying to live."
 
It was ironic that Dwight sounded like Negan’s right-hand man. It gave the young woman even more reason to despise both men. Even if Dwight tried to abscond from Negan, that did not change his actions with Denise. Tara knew so little about the man’s story but none of it mattered. Even if he was somehow forced to kill Denise by someone else, Tara still wanted him dead. Something did not sit well with the dark-haired woman, though. There was something that bothered Tara about the entire situation. Feeling relaxed with Ellie, she felt safe asking her the tough questions.

“I don’t mean to sound accusatory, but how are there so many innocent people with Negan? How does he hide the terrible things that he does? The way Rosita described the setting, there must have been at least one hundred people surrounding them that night when Glenn and Abraham were killed.”

Tara did not blame Elliot for anything that happened. Tara did not blame the proclaimed “innocents” with Negan. However, how could so many people know nothing? For those people that did know about Negan’s cruel ways, why did they not do something about it? Shit, Ellie said she was one of his WIVES – plural. How were so many people unaffected by something when it was obvious the women with Negan were less than consenting? It befuddled Tara on so many levels. The grief she felt only intensified the confused feelings.

“I just don’t understand it. The world goes to shit and humans turn against each other even though we have to deal with the dead walking the planet. Isn’t that bad enough? Why can’t everyone work together and survive together? We’ve always done the right thing – or tried to do the right thing, at least. Denise was such a sweet soul. She should not have dealt with the apocalypse. She was too pure for this. She died trying to save lives. Daryl told me the medicine supply was low, so Denise wanted to join the supply run group at the pharmacy since they didn’t know exactly what to get. All she wanted to do was help and save lives. It isn’t right.”
 
"That's the thing... We were just trying to survive, and if that meant doing as we're told we do it. Most people... They just help keep the place together, search for people and food and medicine. Lots of the more useful people never even had to leave the compound. It seems so good when you first show up and then next thing you know you see the way he really is and you can't go. If you go he finds you, he always finds you and there's hell to pay for that. And some people don't want to, are content keeping the fences clear to know they get a meal and a place to sleep at the end of the day. Hell, I had been. If I'd never gotten sick..." Her voice trails off and she swallows the ball of anxiety that is forming in her throat as she thinks about it. If she had never gotten sick Brandon would never have stolen meds for her - and she would probably still be spending her days minding the fences like she had been from day one, doing what she had to in order to stay alive and safe, because her personal agency hadn't been stolen from her.

"You do what you gotta do to keep a roof over your head, y'know? And a lot of people were... A lot of people were basically soldiers but a lot weren't too. And everyone does what they're told because if you don't you don't you die. I didn't even know there were other places until... Well, cause he didn't think I'd be useful for that. And I guess, in a way, I knew there was something up but I didn't know it was as bad as it was and I could pretend nothing was wrong to keep myself safe
Rightht now all I can hope is that Brandon was never involved in any slaughters." She knew Brandon was one of the runners who did the pick ups but that didn't mean he hurt anyone and God Elliot really hoped that was the case.

"Don't ask, don't tell... And I'm not condoning the way the place is run at all but I didn't even question anything until my own brother was on the chopping block and my options were watch him die for me or hand myself to the devil to keep him safe." She's being honest, brutally honest and she knows her words reek of cowardice and ignorance but she doesn't have it in her to lie, not right now. She wished she could say she questioned it every step of the way, fought back - she just hadn't though and she was deeply ashamed with herself for that. "I know... I know that I was acting selfishly, and I know that it was wrong to... But after so long out on your own it's easy to turn a blind eye to keep yourself looked after."
 
The situation just fit into a new perspective. Everything Ellie said made sense to Tara. It probably started out small. A few people were doing whatever they could to survive, even if that meant supporting such a cruel man. Perhaps it began with him acting nice and the change was gradual. Judging by what Ellie told her, however, it appeared that everyone in this group new about Negan. They just chose to do nothing. What if everyone rose up against Negan? Sure, Negan would have loyal supporters who were so mislead into believing anything he said, but why could they not take him down?

It made Tara’s blood boil. Tara told Ellie that it was not her fault for what happened to Denise, Abraham, or Glenn. She truly believed that until now. The cold, hard truth Ellie told Tara was one she hoped to not hear. She hoped to hear that they were all being forced to do things against their will. While that might be somewhat true, they just wanted to survive and they were being selfish. Oh, Negan bashed in a few skulls and ordered some innocents killed? Go Negan! It pissed Tara off so much. Sometimes, she truly wondered whether she and her people were the “good guys”.

It was never cut and dry until now. Yeah, they made tough choices but they would never do something like this. They were the good guys here and Negan and all of his saviors were at fault. Because of Ellie and everyone else’s non-decision to act, innocent people died. Tara grew angry at the thought because of how unfair it was. If just a few people decided to do the right thing, the outcome would have been changed. Tara wanted to snap at Ellie but that was something she could not bring herself to say.

‘Yeah, it looked like everything worked out for you, didn’t it? You’re still alive. Three of my best friends are not because of you and everyone else like you’. That’s what Tara wanted to say even though it was unwarranted. In such a state of disarray, Tara’ head hurt and she was not thinking straight. The woman finally sat up from the bed and clutched the back of her dark head of hair in her hands before releasing a sigh. She wanted vengeance. She needed it.

“Well, shit. That’s tough. I guess you have to do what you can to survive. I just feel sorry for whoever is following Negan. We’re going to fight and we’re going to kill every single person with him whether they want to be there or not. It’s because they choose to do nothing that leads to this. Everyone is guilty.” Tara murmured, her sadness replaced by anger and she was trying not to say something she regretted. “Tell me about him. Negan. If you know this man named Dwight. Tell me about him.” Tara suddenly blurted out, wanting to hear about these men in detail as they were the new priorities on her little kill list that was forming.
 
The tension in the air is a sharp turn and Ellie knows she hadn't said what had been wanted. Tara sat up and she did so as well, pulling her hands close to rest on her lap as she purposely avoided even glancing in Tara's direction. She's hesitant to reply, not sure what she could say to make the situation better. That's not her place though, and she knows it. Tara was angry and Ellie had been complacent, put up with the saviors for the sake of herself and like she had thought earlier she knew that she was just as guilty as the man who put a bolt through Denise's brain. That wasn't a new feeling nor was it false, and Tara was allowed to be upset, even disgusted with her - she half expected to be physically thrown out of the room and she wouldn't have fought it at all.

She didn't want to talk about Negan, wanted to forget he ever existed. She forced herself too, though - this was her punishment for her all the wrong she had done. "Negan... They're all Negan. It's a hivemind I swear." She pauses, looks up to the cieling and then back to her clasped hands. "He..." She doesn't know what to say because all she can think about is his body on top of hers, Brandon's scarred face and the way Sherry cried on that first day after he had left the room and she and the women were left to their own devices. "He's dangerous. Cruel. Thinks he can get his way using violence and it works. He keeps everything together with fear and it works. I think if he died... If someone different was keeping things together... It would be a much better place."

Ellie does everything she could to push back the thoughts that made her want to cry. This was not the time. And there's no time to mull because she knows that Tara is serious about taking down every last one of them, as monumentous of a task as that might be. Dwight - she asked about Dwight. She knows she has nothing worth saying about him but it's better than thinking about Negan. "Dwight... Was a good guy, his wife told me. He never seemed that way to me. Most people at least questioned Negan but he let his own wife go just to keep himself alive. After they escaped her and I became friends by necessity so really all I know is what she told me and the little I've got from brief encounters. He seems like a piece of work... But he's out of the compound a lot. You're more likely to catch him alone than Negan. He's always got a crowd."

She pauses, and then speaks again. "There's a reason I feel responsible for what happened here, you know. I know it wasn't right and I can't justify it. It doesn't deserve to be justified and I was wrong to be complacent until it started hurting me and my own. I know that." She did, she really did. She finally glances over at Tara with nothing but regret in her eyes. Its a quick movement that barely registered to even her. "I wish I'd known just how bad it was before it was too late. Or I knew the right people. Or just... Anything. I wish I could have done something, anything."

Elliot knows the sentiment means nothing right now. No amount of wishing will bring Tara's loved ones back from the dead.
 
It was not fair for Tara to blame Ellie. She could not have stopped it alone. The woman supposed her anger was not at Ellie directly – but to everyone like her. She just wanted to know who the first person was that gave into Negan, that let him take whatever he wanted as long as they were left alone. It spiraled out of control now. Look where they were. Everyone that bowed down to Negan in his group were weak. Tara resented Ellie a little more because she actually “married” the guy. It sounded like she did not have much choice but Tara would rather face death than marry Negan.

She supposed it was either marry him or have a loved one hurt. Even then, they should have escaped a long time ago or something. Tara was not thinking straight and she knew it – the anger was just too much. Even though Ellie did not want to talk about Negan, Tara thought she deserved to know. Besides, Ellie was close to him yet all she could tell was a few sentences? It was insulting but Tara brushed it off. She listened to her talk about Dwight and snorted when she mentioned his wife saying he was a “good man”. Impossible.

When Ellie said the last thing about wishing she had done something, Tara agreed. “You’re right. I wish you had, too. It could have saved innocent lives. You are not alone, though. So many people are the same. Now we can’t even fight back because they have all our weapons. I assume everyone in your old group have many weapons. Why couldn’t a group of you just get together, take the guns, and take the fight to Negan? I don’t get it. That’s so fucking stupid. I swear to God I will kill them both.”

It did not matter if it was a suicide mission. Tara would risk it all for revenge. Even if she just killed Negan and Dwight, things could fall into place. Looking to Ellie, she started talking a little crazy now with the anger fueling her. It was not logical but when a person dealt with such grief and loss, talking logical was not always the easiest thing to do. Taking a deep breath, Tara locked eyes with Ellie and she looked almost dead inside thinking about the entire ordeal. Nonetheless, she had to say this next piece.

“If you feel guilty about it, then help me. Help me kill Dwight. Help me kill Negan. Tell me where to go. Show me where they will be. Anything. You owe me at least that. I don’t care if they kill me as soon as it happens. I just want my revenge so I can die peacefully. I refuse to sit here and do nothing. I will not let him hurt anyone else. You were one of his wives. I know you know much more than you’re saying. I want a layout of the base. I want information on where he goes, who he goes with. I just need to find a gun and I’m ready.”

Maybe not tonight, maybe soon. Rick would never allow this if he knew but Tara was beyond caring. The only person she would tell was Ellie. Besides, she did take Ellie in to this community. She saved her from being alone. Tara did it out of the goodness of her heart but she felt like the woman owed her something now because of that and because of her complaceny. Of course, in a typical mind state, Tara would never think this way but she has just been so emotional tonight, there was no telling what she would say or think.
 
"You said it yourself. I know a lot, and I could give you exactly what you're asking for but I don't think a vengeance plot is worth dying over. I'll give Rick a layout, all I know about his patterns, the people to watch out for but I just can't say anything knowing you want to try to take this on yourself." If she remembered correctly Negan didn't know that Tara was with these people, because she had been away when everything had happened. If anyone stood a chance at seeming unaffiliated it would be her, and sure she could probably infiltrate that way. Elliot didn't want to risk it, though - maybe it was selfish but she just didn't. She figured this would piss Tara off even more but she didn't care, she wasn't willing to just let someone walk in to their own death.

Really, she didn't want to be talking about this at all. She wanted to go back to the place in her head where none of it happened and she had never been broken. She never wanted to hear the devil's name again, but... Well, she felt like she had owed Tara to at least try to talk about it.

"He raped me, Tara. Maybe that's too harsh a word, maybe I was asking for it 'cause I let it happen but I didn't want any of that, I just wanted the only person I love to stay alive, and I can't get rid of it now. I can't stop thinking about it, so I ran and I didn't want to turn back. I didn't want to see him even long enough to kill him because he took a piece of me that I can never get back." She struggled to say it, but her gaze hardened as she did and she started to frown. "Just like he took something you can't back. Don't you think I want him dead too? I'd love if he ceased to exist and I never had to worry about running in to him. I'd love to spill everything and find out tomorrow I never have to worry again, but I can't let you go on a suicide mission just because you're hurting... Get everyone together, in on a plan, say you get to be the one to take the shot, something. But don't walk in to your own death for it." Elliot knew that Tara was serious right now, but she wasn't about to let such a good person go down a spiral because of her mistakes. She attempted to rationalize, say something that could make sense and give Tara and her group the best chances of getting out alive.

Maybe it would just make Tara madder... But hell, she deserved to have people mad at her. Elliot would admit it, she ran from her fears. Running was something she was good at, especially when the other option was to face the nightmares up front. Even if the people of Alexandria did fight, did win.... She wanted to be as far away when that happened as she could be. If she never had to see his face again it would still be too soon.
 
Ellie did not think a vengeance plot was worth dying over? Everyone was entitled to their opinions, but Tara was not asking for her opinion. She wanted information – facts. Not Ellie’s feelings about it. This nearly made Tara roll her eyes. It did upset Tara even more when she was making this choice for her. “What are you talking about, Ellie? That’s not your decision to make. If I think it’s worth dying over, then it’s worth my life. If you don’t think it is, that’s fine. Then you just won’t risk your life for any vengeance. You can’t possibly force me not to do this. You’re going to tell us what we want to know. My death won’t be on your hands. I’ll be satisfied to complete the job. I can’t die in peace without this.”

It was unexpected when Ellie talked about him raping her, but it should have not been that much of a surprise considering what she heard about this man named Negan. They both had been through so much and they both wanted him dead. However, Tara actually thought this proved her own point even more. It was becoming annoying that Ellie insisted on not letting her do this. Who was she to do this? Tara had no idea that Ellie cared that much about her.

“What do you mean you can’t let me do this? You barely know me, Ellie. I appreciate the gesture, I do, but you’re wrong. You can let me do this. You have no choice in the matter of this mission I want. I get it, you think I saved your life and now you want to save mine. I get it, but that’s not the way it works. You can’t save anyone. I’ve learned that now. Everyone will die soon and it’s only a matter of time.”

Tara had no idea that Ellie was wanting to keep her from a suicide mission on a personal level. Honestly, the woman thought Ellie merely felt it was her job to protect her since Tara saved her life. Well, Tara did not see it as saving Ellie’s life but if roles were reversed, Tara would think it was life-saving. She had no idea Ellie was doing this just because she already cared about her and did not want her to die. Despite that, Tara was still talking crazy and rather depressed. She had a grim outlook on the world now.

“Please, Ellie. I don’t need a plan. I just need to know where to go and when to do it.” The female whispered, almost gripped her shoulder at this point. “Maybe not tonight, but soon. I want to end him as soon as I can. You prove my point. You don’t think vengeance is worthy dying over so you’re not going to kill Negan because you don’t think your vengeance is worth it. But I think getting my vengeance will be worthy. Don’t take that choice away from me. You can’t stop me, Ellie. I will find out somehow. I’ll fucking wait until he comes here and shoot him then. I don’t care.”
 
Ellie wasn't getting out of this and she knew it, but she just didn't have it in her to let someone she had grown to care for sacrifice herself. Not to mention, Tara wasn't the only one in Alexandria that was hurting - Rosita, obviously. Rick had to hate the man. Eugene had traveled with Abraham from the start. Maggie, Daryl, Sasha - she didn't even know of them, and especially didn't know that Daryl was in the catacombs back at the sanctuary, but what it came to was that Tara wasn't the only one who would be seeking justice right now.

"I'm not saying this as some sort of thank you for getting me here, I'm saying this because I don't think you're in the best place to be making calls like this at this moment. I get it. Maybe not completely but I get it." She wanted to lean over, press her hand to Tara's cheek, but she held herself back. She was the bad guy right now, not just for her past allegiances but for the fact that she wasn't giving Tara the information that she wanted. Her heart hurts for the brunette, for the many losses she'd walked in to without a moment to prepare herself... All the people she had lost, the moments she was supposed to have that she would never get to.

"How about we talk about this tomorrow?" She offered, though she'll do anything she can to push back having to give in. "Sleep on it or... You probably won't sleep but give yourself some time to adjust. If you still want to take this on by yourself after you get a moment to yourself to start to work through everything... Then, well, I guess that's your call." Elliot knew she couldn't hold out forever, one way or another Tara would get the information she wanted if she was dead serious about this. She would try though. She would hold out at least long enough that the grief wasn't this fresh, and Tara could think rationally enough to actually come up with a decent plan. She just hoped it wouldn't come to that.
 
Why should Tara care what Ellie thinks? She should not, but she did. Honestly, Tara was ready to ride off half-cocked in the night with an assault rifle to storm Negan’s compound if she knew where it was. Somehow, the wise words from her new friend made her calm down for a second. Well, she was correct. Tara was not in any place to think clearly. If she was going against an enemy so formidable, she needed a plan and she needed more than one person. Did she trust Rick? Yes. She also knew Rick among everyone was dealing with the loss as well. Seeing himself as the leader meant he was responsible for everyone. He must have felt much worse. Tara was getting the point now. Tara was understanding everything Ellie said now and she was correct. Plus, Tara was unsure if Ellie knew exactly what she was going through, but Ellie could somewhat get these feelings. Besides, Ellie had lost too. Maybe she did not lose in the same way that Tara did because of Negan, but she lost and that was enough to upset anyone and cause them to seek out revenge. They were not so different after all.

The idea of thinking about this tomorrow was the best case scenario. Perhaps tomorrow Tara would feel more in control of herself and more composed with her emotions. Now, she was laced with revenge and anger. That was not good for anyone. Looking over towards Ellie, she offered the biggest smile she could but that was only a half-smile at that. “Thank you, Ellie. I guess you’re right. I’ll just try to rest my eyes if nothing else. I’m not thinking things through right now. I’m sorry if I was just acting like a bitch to you. I just took out my anger on you and it is not your fault, I’m sorry.”

Tara mentally replayed everything she said recently to Ellie and some of them were not that nice. It was wrong of Tara to do that and she felt a great deal of regret for it so she hoped Ellie would not hold that against her. “Good night, Elliot. I guess we’ll both keep each other comfortable tonight.” It started out for Tara to keep Ellie comfort at first but now the roles were reversed and they were both helping each other.
 
The tension in the air faded and Elliot held back a sigh of relief, grateful that she had managed to say something that seemed to calm the storm that was brewing deep inside of Tara. She isn't angry or upset - she knows grief too well to be upset with the actions of a person who is experiencing a fresh loss. If there was anything that being in school had taught her it was sensitivity, even if she hadn't done enough of her nursing program to be useful as a nurse. (She was almost useful on a basic level, but shit had hit the fan just before she was supposed to do her first round of clinical rotations... so all of her experience was limited to stuff from the book or practiced on mannequins. Basically, she wasn't much more useful than any other given person unless fact counted for anything.)

"You're upset and you're allowed to be," she leaned over, rubbed Tara's shoulder with her thumb, "and it is my fault. Maybe not actively but I passively did let a lot of stuff happen without doing anything about it. I'd be surprised if you weren't upset about that, really." Elliot released Tara's shoulder and laid back on the bed, unsure if she should even stay but despite their argument she still feels safer with Tara nearby. The woman is upset but she's not dangerous, Ellie can appreciate that.

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Elliot didn't know when she fell asleep, but she knew something was out of place when she woke up to her head pressed against warmth her and her hand indented in to soft flesh. Her eyes flickered open slowly, half-dazed, and it didn't take her long to realize that the warmth in question was the sleeping figure of Tara, who she appeared to have cuddled up to in the night. Fuck. Ellie knew that she was the type to cuddle but she hadn't expected to wake up in a compromising position and she slowly, carefully freed her arm from the body of the woman beside her and hoped that Tara wouldn't noticed the way she had perched herself around her that night. She remembered the events of last night in detail, and she couldn't imagine that her touching would have been appreciated.

With her arm back to safety, Ellie watched for any signs of Tara waking up in hopes that she hadn't roused the brunette. Sleep would be hard to come by most likely, and she didn't have it in her to ruin even a moment of slumber for Tara.
 
Struggling to fall asleep, it was not until the early morning hours before Tara finally felt slumber overtake her. When it did happen, she surprisingly had no dreams. She expected nightmares forever now but there was just nothing. Honestly, she would have preferred it that way. No nightmares and even no good dreams about Denise or the past because the past was gone. She might have calmed down this night but she still was in the business of seeking revenge at all costs. Nothing else mattered to Tara now other than that so she did not give herself time to grieve for the loss of her girlfriend nor did she give herself time to think about anything else other than killing Negan and Dwight.

It was not until twenty minutes after Ellie woke when Tara did. The young woman had no clue that Ellie was cuddled up to her body last night. She did not even notice feeling warmer than usual. This was because her waking up was not natural. There was loud, frantic banging and knocking on the door. It sent Tara upright immediately, jumping up and inhaling a deep breath. She panicked, reaching for her knife until she realize that she was in her bedroom and it was the door. “Who could that be?” She asked softly, looking to Ellie. “That’s not normal.” Tara added at the frantic beating. Something was wrong here so Tara slowly started walking down the stairs, leading the way. She made sure Ellie was behind her. At the bottom of the stairs, she saw the unmistakable figure of her friend, Rosita. Sheathing the knife, she reached for the knob.

“Rosita? You startled me. What is –“

“Save it. Tara. Listen to me!” Rosita said, bursting into the door no sooner than Tara even grabbed the knob and started to open it. Wide eyes, Tara closed the door, wondering what was wrong. Looking to Tara, then to Ellie, she started talking.

“Negan’s fucking here. Apparently Carl sneaked off to the compound and was caught. They are here at Rick’s house but he’s not here right now. He and Aaron are off on a supply run and he’s just waiting.”

Tara’s eyes went wide. Oh shit! “Oh my God, Ellie, you have to hide!”

Rosita might have other ideas, though. “You know, I wonder how great it would make him feel if we turned over one of his wives, the one that ran away from him. He might even lighten up on us.” Rosita murmured, eyeing the woman and slowly stepping close to her. Tara came right to Ellie’s defense.

“Stop that, Rosita. We’re not doing that to Ellie. She’s here now, she’s one of us now. Negan will still do whatever he wants to us.”

“Yeah, well he’ll do worse if he finds out we’re hiding one of his whores.”
 
Elliot had been comfortably laying half awake in the bed, enjoying the chance to feel peaceful for a moment when the loud banging on the door downstairs brought Tara out of her slumber and made her rise from bed in the same instant. She followed just behind Tara down the stairs, and as Rosita told them the news she felt almost frozen in place. Negan was here - which meant that she could very well be royally fucked. Maybe she would be lucky enough to be in a house he didn't want to touch... she hoped that. He'd already been here, yeah? Taken what he wanted? She had heard that was the case.

"He doesn't have to find out," she said to Rosita, but the latina was still having absolutely none of it.

"I don't see why you defend her, Tara." Rosita shook her head, and it was obvious by the way her eyes burned in to Elliot that she wanted to push Tara aside and grab the blonde herself.
 
“Now’s not the time, Rosita.” Tara snapped in a whispering voice. “You said he’s in Rick’s house, correct?” Rosita affirmed the words with a nod. “Well, Ellie and I can sneak out. I do not want to see what happens if Negan finds out she is here. I won’t take that risk.” Clearly, Rosita was furious that Tara was willing to risk her life to keep Ellie safe, but she could not do anything to stop it.

“Whatever. Get yourself killed for this bitch if you want. I haven’t seen Negan move from the house in a long time. You should be good to go now.” Rosita rolled her eyes and just stormed out the door. Not wasting any time, Tara looked into Ellie’s eyes and grabbed her by both shoulders.

Not even giving Ellie a chance to argue, Tara was barking commands. “Ellie, go grab your bags immediately. I’m right behind you. We’ll get packed. I hope you can climb. I know where we can climb over the fence where Negan won’t see us. I am with you right now. Don’t even try to convince me otherwise because it won’t work.” With that, Tara stormed passed Ellie on the stairs and ventured into the bedroom. The female started to quickly pack clothes and other essentials that she could fit into one bag. Hopefully they would not have to stay gone that long, but Tara was preparing. “Are you ready?” She finally asked, casting a glance towards the other woman.
 
Tara was right - they had to get out, and Ellie didn't have much to grab but she threw a set of clothes she had been offered in to her old bag as well as some other things and by the time Tara had questioned her, she had all of her belongings once more in a bag... ready to flee. It was a familiar situation for her, running, but hopefully this would be one of the last times... she doubted that, though, given the man who ran her new home. Maybe it was all her fault after all, all of the hardship that had fallen over Alexandria recently... She sure wasn't making things any easier to say the least.

She couldn't worry about that now, though. She had to worry about getting out of here and making sure that no harm came to Tara, the woman who was gracious enough to come to her aid even when she deserved the complete opposite. Elliot nodded and gestured for Tara to take the lead, as she had no clue where they would be going to get out.
 
“Oh, shit.”

This was bad. Peering into the small backpack. Tara wanted to laugh. The items she had for the getaway consisted of four bottles of water, two cans of food, and a flashlight. The only weapon that Tara had was her hunting knife. All guns were taken away from the community so there was no chance she was going to find a handgun before leaving. These supplies would hardly last more than 48 hours if she was lucky. Tara did not even know what Ellie had in her bag, but it could not have been much either. She supposed running away with minimal supplies was better than staying here and possibly watching her new friend die.

Even though Rosita did not like the plan, she kept up her end of the deal. Once she left Tara’s house, Rosita found her way towards the center of Alexandria. Negan was still inside of Rick’s house and was none the wiser about the escape happening. Back in the house, Tara pulled the backpack on, leading the way out the back door. With no time to relax, she picked up a job and stopped near the corner of the wall. Reg once told her how tall these walls were. Tara once knew the dimensions but she had forgotten now. Just eyeing it, she guess 25, maybe 30 feet tall.

“Up we go. You climb up first. If only one of us gets out, it needs to be you.”

Tara would not take “no” for an answer. She hoped Ellie could climb because if she could not, then they were screwed. There were no secret tunnels or exits. Tara had seen it climbed before but those people were much more athletic than herself. Enid seemed to breeze through the climb like it was nothing. Tara only hoped they could as well.
 
It seemed they were going to escape with barely anything between them, but that was much much better than the alternative - Negan. Elliot followed closely behind until they reached the wall, and then her stomach dropped. That was their way out? Well... she could probably do it, wouldn't be the first time she'd climbed a wall, but fuck that was going to be a pain.... and the drop from the other side. One wrong move and she would find herself with a broken leg and no way to get out, and then....

She didn't even want to picture what would happen in that case.

"You're crazy," she said, though she knew trying to fight Tara's command would be useless. The woman was headstrong, stubborn - which made her feel on top of the world when it meant they would both be safe, but right now it just made her worry. If she was caught helping her escape, the results would be bad for the pair of them. Ellie moved quickly though, grabbing hold of the highest rail she could to use as leverage, and she kicked off of a fallen log on the ground to help herself up. She scrambled to gain her footing on the slat beneath her, but once she had done that the rest of the climb came somewhat easily - which means she did not, in fact, fall back down to the ground below her. When she perched herself on top, wobbling from side to side with her hands in front of her for balance, she looked back down at Tara.

"You better make it." It wasn't a threat, rather a plea. She didn't know the area around here well enough to survive on her own.
 
“Don’t worry. I plan on it. Shit…. Come on, Tara.”

The last sentence was muttered mostly to herself. Tara did not like this idea at all, but it was the only choice they had. Sighing, she decided to take the same path that Elliot did. It was difficult but she slowly made her way up the fence. She just prayed to whatever supreme deity that existed that she and Ellie both escaped alive. When Tara reached the top, she moved over, slowly dropping down. There was less to climb on the opposite side of the fence, so there was a hefty drop.

When Tara landed on the ground, she held her breath but tried to ensure that she fell easily – legs spread shoulder length apart, shoulders square, back upright. It did not help too much. She landed with a thud and groaned. Her ankles were throbbing. She had never done something like this before. Even as a child she hated heights that were above her head. She never experienced jumping down from trees or anything like that.

Thankfully, she was fine and uninjured. Looking towards Ellie, she ushered her on.

“Okay, no time to waste. Just follow me. I hope we get out of here alive. I don’t think anyone saw us.”

There was no time to check on Ellie to make sure she was alright. There was no time for chitchat. Tara was quickly walking ahead in front of the girl, leading her through the woods. Tara had an idea of where she wanted to go, but that idea was going to wait. There was only one objective: get the fuck away from Alexandria.

“I don’t care where we go right now. East, West, North, South… just away from here.” Then, Tara picked up a jogging pace through the woods, keeping her knife handy in case it was needed for the walkers.
 
Ellie had had the advantage when it came to climbing the wall - she was taller, longer limbed, more wirey. She was built for agility and dexterity, spent her childhood climbing trees and on to her friends' roofs, and even with that on her side she had struggled to clear the fence. When Tara landed beside her and they both appeared to be fine, they had to get a move on. Ellie was pretty sure that Tara was right and they hadn't been caught but she stayed cautious anyways. Assuming and complacency could mean the end of both of them.

So they moved - in to the woods, not heading in the direction of the safezone's entrance. Her fingers grasped at the knife in her own hand so hard that her knuckles blanched and while she did her best to keep track of where they had gone she quickly found herself virtually lost as they dashed through trees. Tara seemed to know where they were at least vaguely however. She couldn't run forever, though. She was pretty malnourished and over the last few weeks she had lost the few precious pounds she could have spared to lose, which left her still rather weak.

"Okay stop, stop." She almost fell as she brought her hands to her knees, slightly hunched over and almost breathless. They were far enough out she figured it was safe to rest for a moment.
 
We can’t stop yet, Ellie, We’re not far away enough yet.” Tara sounded irritated. Well, she WAS irritated but it was not Ellie’s fault. This entire situation was frustrating, depressing, angering, and irritating along with other emotions that Tara could not regulate or understand. However, when the woman realized Ellie meant it – they had to stop. Turning back to face the woman, Tara nodded her head slowly and patted her shoulder. “Well, you’re not getting any oxygen to your lungs like that. Stand up. You’ll breathe better.”

It was just natural and comfortable to hunch over when running out of breath, but it was an ineffective way to facilitate breathing. “Look, I’m sorry that I snapped at you. I’m just worried. This is a lot to take in. I think I know a place we can go, but be warned, it might get ugly.” Tara recalled swearing a very firm promise not too long ago. The oceanside community was nearly her death. Yet, Tara might seek them out for another chance at living. It might not have been the brightest idea but maybe Tara could convince a couple of the friends she did make at the community.

“Let me know when you’re ready. Here, just take some of this water.” Tara added, offering her the lone bottle she had. Tara felt like she could handle herself for now – Ellie looked to be in rougher shape after the run from Alexandria.
 
Tara was right - they did need to keep moving, but if she didn't stop to catch her breath she was going to end up collapsing at a much worse opportunity. She didn't even have it in her to care when Tara snapped at her - she was obviously stressed out and running on adrenaline and energy that Elliot just didn't have. And now it seemed like there was an idea for where to go in mind. Ellie had to hope that it wasn't that far out.

"Thanks, I just need a minute." She straightened up and shook her head as Tara offered the bottle of water to her. She had her own and she slung her backpack off her shoulders so that she could take a drink of her own. She knew she should conserve but she had to fight to not down the whole body. Not long after the aches in her ribs faded and she wasn't struggling to breathe.

"Okay, where are we going?" Ellie put her bottle back in her backpack and then threw the well-used bag back over her shoulders. "I'm good." For now, at least.
 
Tara felt thankful when Elliot finally calmed down enough and felt prepared to move forward. Although it was unlikely that Negan or anyone else had spotted them escaping, she would rather be safe than sorry. She would feel so much better dozens or even hundreds of miles away. Tara could not get far enough away from Negan. At the same time, she wanted to put a bullet between his eyes. Now that she had time to calm down from the previous day, she realized that going after Negan all by herself was unideal. She would put other people at danger without thinking about it.

Tara walked with Ellie for a few more minutes before taking a sip of the water herself. “We’re going to a place I found a while ago. I found it not long before you did. Well, I guess they found me in a way. It’s a group of nothing but women. They live just off the beach and they had issues with Negan, too. I think it is a safe place. Or we can at least take some time to regroup. I believe this is best, though.”
 
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