Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

O Fortuna...

This is one of the times where hating myself is a lot more noticeable than it should be.

I had a discussion earlier that brought up a really touchy situation. Not just any touchy situation - but one that involved one of the incidents I was almost raped. An incident that occurred because of me being too trusting of people to keep their word. That happened January of 08.

Granted I didn't talk what happened just what sort of mark got left on me. I didn't talk about the looks I got from it by my coworkers or friends.

It didn't help that it got into the real 'heavy petting' in a discussion with an old master of mine who knows all my buttons and he left me hanging. -.-

I think my Depression is really Bipolar. I need to find my happy equilibrium.

I want to be happy and not let things get under my skin anymore. I'm at the point where this is how I honestly feel about things: IF you go into exercise/diet just to lose weight to get noticed you are going *nowhere*. It has to be for the point of being healthy. However when you're one source of encouragement leaves your life, and you're left with the initial thought mainly because that's what is painted into your life ("Oh you'd be pretty, if just lost a little bit of that weight." "No one wants a fat bitch." To name a few from MY OWN FUCKING FAMILY) where does that leave you? Nowhere. The only person that can change is you - and for you. If you are doing it for someone else then you are not doing it to make yourself happy.

And then something will cause a trigger to make it all come spewing out of you....
 
I...managed to loose Ari and Nihil's address T_T

Fail tako.

BUT! I did manage in my Depressed planning to figure out the basic Route for my Road Trip.

Holy shyte e.e; 8,000+ Miles. O3o; I have 4 or 5 Definitive locations. o3o

Possible BMRs being met:
Doom and Ignited
PiotrRasputin and Pistol Kiss*
Altair?
*If I see Altair I will be in Chicago for Lunch/breakfast o3o*
MM? Relix? o3o;;;
Ari and Nihil*
Kite*
Seraph & Co oo; *
Zombies Galore
Akuma*
Misan? Cygnus? MrCorvus? O3o - I'm cutting through TN on the way home.

Wooosh~ Maybe I'll be the one who's met the most BMR membahs IRL xD;

I'm also seeing Dies Irae sometime this year and I'm seeing Hahvy come March

o3o

dammmn.
 
So jealous you'll be going out to the cali/washington area. </3


But have a fun road trip when you manage! I'll send you cookies for when you go so you'll have something yummy along the way.
 
Hey you, loose weight for yourself. You know I still love you very dearly as a sister, so as a sister I'm telling you, DO IT FOR YOURSELF! Never do it for someone else. From what I can tell, it's like quiting smoking for someone else, it never works unless you are ready for it and want it as much as that someone else, if not more. Loose the weight for yourself! That is if you want to, if not I'll still love you as will many other people. ^.^ I can try my best to help you to loose weight...maybe we can once a week plan (when we are both off of work) to meet and walk around a lake near here?
 
I think ill take the prize for furthest distance to meet a BMR member maybe xD, 9,463 miles is a long way but worth it. :3.

And as with everyone else, your beautiful no matter what anyone says. Don't make me draw another sign stating the obvious =P.
 
Shu said:
^.^ I can try my best to help you to loose weight...maybe we can once a week plan (when we are both off of work) to meet and walk around a lake near here?
Click to expand...

That sounds like a plan! Or we could go window shopping too xD;


Dies Irae said:
I think ill take the prize for furthest distance to meet a BMR member maybe xD, 9,463 miles is a long way but worth it. :3.

And as with everyone else, your beautiful no matter what anyone says. Don't make me draw another sign stating the obvious =P.
Click to expand...

But I love ju signs ;-;

AND IM SPECIAL ENOUGH FOR THE VISIT<333
 
Easily special enough, wouldn't be visiting america if i didn't stop off at Vega's :3.
I has my phone again so i can do more signs and show of my gorillaz shirt xD.
 
Scuse me a minute while I squeel.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I got presents in the mail today <3 Holy crap I've never gotten presents on Valentine's Day in Years.

PK sent me a giant box of stuff (Which is all epic in it's own right <3) omnomnomnom candy!~

Dies' Letter came. It made me cry, but a good cry <3 Made Tako a happy Tako <333
 
Just in case you didn't get my Im,

I wanted to let you know that we got some really pretty betas in this week. I work Friday and Saturday nights (4:30 to 9:00) if you want to come and get one. <3
 
TakodaVega said:
Shu got me a beta fish!

;3 I named him Cambria. <3
Click to expand...

I'm glad it seems that you like him. ^.^ You got the note I left too right?
 
Yesss! <3

He's already making his bubble nest <3

I wish my Aussie was here though. :< He'd make everything better. However I'm mailing out his birhtday stuff tonight at some point ^_^ I can't wait to here when he gets it.
 
I think the reason that I stay up and fall asleep on Dies is because not only is he one of the best people to talk to but when it comes time to sleep I don't want to tell him good night because that would mean admitting that I need to stop talking to him and to not be able to cuddle up with him.
 
Tutto ciò che sarai, era già stato scritto
Se davvero esiste, questo dio ha fallito
Ogni parola pronunciata
Sarà lo specchio del tuo dolore
Riflette la colpa alimenta l' odio
Senzafine - Lacuna Coil​

I haven't been good about giving a serious update to this journal lately - so here's going to the past couple weeks a fairly good sum-up.

As stated earlier, I lost one of my jobs - thankfully my main job was the one I still have, and they're now giving me more hours (Hopefully this progression continues). My Transgendered ex who had her baby last month after complications (Her placenta was tearing away from the uterine wall and therefore was forced to have an emergency C-section), informed me that he died last week. Probably due to physical complications from being Premature. She wanted me there but I couldn't go due to work. That same day my car had died, thankfully though that issue was not a huge one. Well it could have *potentially* been a huge one but it wasn't so that was fixed easily enough though I didn't get it back till Friday.

Either way I have it now and I have some stability again that will keep me sane. Well that and a I have a very very loving and thoughtful person who listens to me and doesn't get angry when I fall asleep on him ;-; Who wants to make it work even though the amount of Paperwork and 11,500+ miles between us (Dies, it's only from Aus > USA that it's 9,463....from Aus to the WEST Coast. I live on the East :<), not to mention the 13 hour time difference. We make it work though. He's always someone I can come home to.

I have been watching some of my friends and realizing that a lot of them form cliques - some are good, others are bad. Not necessarily bad people, but Toxic relationships or boundaries within the clique itself. I do form *some* myself, but not quite in the same way. I don't like having a mob mentality where no one in the group can do no wrong. I refuse to believe that, and I refuse to pass judgement on things without hearing both sides of the story. That doesn't mean, however that you will go scotch free when I notice you're becoming toxic. I remember when I was. I told my best friend/sister I didn't care if she died because of a toxic view point. We've made amends now, but that fact is still there. One day I hope they see what they're doing.
 
TakodaVega said:
I have been watching some of my friends and realizing that a lot of them form cliques - some are good, others are bad. Not necessarily bad people, but Toxic relationships or boundaries within the clique itself. I do form *some* myself, but not quite in the same way. I don't like having a mob mentality where no one in the group can do no wrong. I refuse to believe that, and I refuse to pass judgement on things without hearing both sides of the story. That doesn't mean, however that you will go scotch free when I notice you're becoming toxic. I remember when I was. I told my best friend/sister I didn't care if she died because of a toxic view point. We've made amends now, but that fact is still there. One day I hope they see what they're doing.
Click to expand...

You just gotta think about the good stuff you still have, y'know? The friends who still talk to you, support you, etc. Not only that, but now you have Dies to look forward to, ja? Who cares if someone decides they might be too good to talk to you anymore, or they're allowing someone else's opinion speak for them. It's their loss, darling. Because you're damn special, and I'm really glad I haven't pushed you out of my life because of how much love and support you give each and every one of your friends. I'm happy, and consider myself lucky, to have you as a friend. <3
 
Maybe Dies and I will come visit you when he comes over here <3 Would be awesomeness ;)

I <3 you Harri <3 thanks for always being there :)
 
Gasp. I think I should just come to the US for a couple months. Couch surface or something. :D

And you're welcome, darlin'. M'not going anywhere, either. No matter who I become friends with, or anything related to that. <3
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom