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A Niche in Time

Yeah, it sounds like youve been having a rough time. Maybe wrap yourself in some bubble wrap. 😂I was actually thinking about you the other day. Havent seen you post one of your updates for awhile. I was hoping you were ok.

Im doing ok. Ive got some afflictions of my own and now relegated to working part time which sucks. I miss being able to work. All those years i wake up wishing i could sleep in, now that i can i dont want to😂.

Glad you popped back up.
 
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. That's always the way really. People want what they can't have. Then when they do have it, they don't want it anymore. I guess it's the whole the grass is always greener on the other side bit.

I have this idea about a rp. Where I work at they post all these pictures of missing teens. What if a girl actually saw her face, or at least a drawing of what she would look like at her current age?? It was a spot on match for how she looks now, and it says she's been missing she was very young. I say very young because I don't know if BMR would allow a certain age to be mentioned in a post, even if that age wouldn't be played. For example, I don't know if it would be okay to say that she had been missing since she was two. That would be the extent of it. There wouldn't be any scene played out when she was two. Maybe later on the story would be told about how her kidnapper took her, a retelling of the events, but that would be it. Anyhow, she's now afraid and unsure. It's the what ifs that start racing through her mind as she's standing there. Finally a hand on her shoulder, and she turns to face him. He tells her they need to talk but not there. She could protest and they talk there, or he could convince her to go home, that this is not the place for this conversation, whatever really. The point is he tells her that he did take her. He was going to raise her, and when she became of a certain age, he was going to train her. She's curious. Wants to know what for. He lets her in on the true nature of his employment. Selling sex slaves. I'm not sure where to go with it from there though. Does he admit he's changed his mind and wants to keep her, or does he have to force an unwilling girl into training, or does she go quietly into training?? I'm also not too sure how much this gets close to the rules BMR has set up, or does this go right over the lines BMR has set up?? I'm not sure. It's an idea that came to me as I took notice of the pictures posted at work. How would a person feel if they saw their face on one of those pictures?? Have a good day BMR.
 
Wow, that is a really good idea. I wouldnt mind discussing and fleshing that out with you. We are currently working on one, if youre still interested. Maybe when we finish we can do it. If you feel like wrapping the other one up we can as well. There was really no time table for it. It actually morphed away from the original premise we talked about. Sometimes those things happen. I have an ideal ending already worked out in my head i was saving as a surprise. I do like the idea tho. Sometimes the best ideas are those that come to us while doing regular everyday activities. Let me know if youd be interested. Dm me or answering here is fine.
 
Alright then. We can flesh it out and work on it later if you're still up for finishing the one we're doing.
 
Im still with this one if you are.😬. Its been a long road. The longest ive ever spent on 1. Ive enjoyed it too. Depends on how much further youll let me go with it. We can also discuss the other 1, or if youre bold we can attempt 2 at once.
 
Well, the hurricane has passed. We did not come through this one unscathed. I lost power between 9 and 10 Friday morning. At work, the situation wasn't any better. The power was out there. That meant all the food that had spoiled had to be thrown out. That was a task. We couldn't be in the store when it began to get dark, as the store would be too dark to work in. I left a bit before that anyways. lol. Thankfully I got power back on at home that evening. When I went to work on Saturday there was still no power. It came back on around 3. Still, I left early again. Now I go into work again later today, and I'm not sure if we'll be opening today to the public or not. I don't think so, but I could be wrong. Other places certainly took far more damage than we did. I'm thankful we got off as easily as we did. It could have been far worse.

To anyone else who was in the path of this storm, I hope you're doing well. I hope everyone is safe. Have a good night BMR.
 
Tomorrow is my birthday. Yay. lol. Another year in the books. I'm excited for my birthday.

Here's hoping you're having a good day. Good night BMR.
 
Another year in the books. The day was ok. That's all I'll say on that one.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. They really did put a smile on my face.
 
I haven't posted in a while. Haven't been on site in a while to be honest. The holidays are upon us, and I work....well I work sort of in retail. lol. It's the food industry inside a retail building. So I get the retail shoppers, tired from spending their hard-earned cash, hungry, famished, wanting substance for their bodies. They come to me and the people I work with. They bring their nasty attitudes. They bring their children, wailing and spoiled. They bring happy faces. They bring compliments. They keep coming. We are there for them, ready to feed them and send them on their way. lol. I also work the other side of the department, the side that is only separated by a....hallway. lol. I frost cupcakes and write on cakes for them. I'm not a trained cake decorator. Eh. It's ok. I work freight, putting out cookies, cakes, and pies. I do whatever the boss asks, as long as time allows it. I slice bread, bag it, tag it, and put it out. It's a living, laced with customers, shopping and going about their days. This weekend has seen it's fair share of cars in the parking lot.

Speaking of the holidays, I do hope everyone is enjoying them. Personally, I love Christmas music. It makes me an oddity. That. lol. Is what makes me odd. lol. Yeah. Anyway, take time to enjoy this season. It's only here for a short while, and then we start a whole new year.

My dad is facing surgery tomorrow. I dont' want to get into details. It's his business. Doesn't seem right to share it here. He will be staying overnight. I say that only to allude to the fact that maybe it's not as serious as some might say. To me, it's a big deal, but if the doc is letting him come home the next day, then maybe to some it's not a big deal. Idk.

I really should be trying to get some sleep. I fell asleep for a couple of hours around 1:30ish. Now it's 6:34am, and I'm still awake. My favorite Christmas movie is on. Christmas Vacation. Oh my goodness how I love this movie. The whole mall scene is my absolute fav. Have a good day BMR.
 
My dad had to go back to the hospital. The day after his surgery, he spiked a fever. The next day he wasn't any better. In fact, I think he was worse. So he's back in the hospital now. I don't want to get into details about it here. It's his business. I will say that. Wow. I stopped and looked at the screen. I'm lost right now. My dad is a jerk. He's mean. Just the other day he and I got into it, and at one point he told me I could stick "it", it being my phone I think, up my ass. I asked if he wanted me to pull down my pants so he could do it for me. I told the person I was talking to on the phone, my mom, that he was acting like an asshole. He said he wasn't the only one. I told him I knew I was an asshole. Now here I am, lost. Even through all that, he's my dad. He's the man who would carry me from the car to my bed when I was a kid and fell asleep in the car. He's the man I watched buy a dinner at a local chicken place, and go back down the street so he could sit and give it to a homeless man. He sat there, talking to him after he gave it to him. I never asked what they talked about. To be honest, it doesn't matter. I just remember looking at him through the back window in the car. He's my dad. He told me when I was a kid that he had dog fever. lol. He said he had a lump on his neck that was dog fever. He told me I could touch it. When I reached across to touch it, he barked at me. lol. Scared the crap outta me. He's always been my protector from the bad guys in the world. He's always been Mr. Fix it. If it broke, and I couldn't fix it, no worries. Daddy can. He's been my Superman. Now with the holidays here, and nothing is as it should be, I'm so lost. I can't go to my parent's house and both of them be there. He's in another town in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. I hate feeling this way. I really do. My dad and I clearly don't get along, and some would might even say there's no love loss between us, but I think we're both just good at putting up massive brick walls that hide how we feel from the world. We both have this tough exterior because inside we're just feelings. I hate people. lol. And I hate feelings. I guess I have to start saying that now. I already say I hate people. All the time. lol. Now I hate feelings too.

Have a good night BMR.
 
I was at work today. It's Tuesday. A normal day. I went in at 1, same as always. It was just me and another lady working. There was another girl there, but I hadn't even seen her. I didn't think she was working. The lady made a comment about her being on break. Okay. She takes longer than most. Okay. Management won't do anything about it. The lady had a cart with chickens on it from the oven. She had some popcorn chicken on it as well. The pan with the popcorn chicken that was in cups fell off the cart. It spilled on the floor. Typical day. I was walking towards them. I can't remember why. I heard a loud bam. Seconds later I heard a series of bams. I moved quickly, taking a few steps, while asking, "what the hell was that"? The lady was next to another lady that works in the department we are connected to. They both said a few things, nothing to ring any bells. I can't remember what they said, to be honest. Then the one lady that I work with said ,"they running". I had heard what I thought I heard. We moved, heading to a side door. In the parking lot there were workers and shoppers spilling out. Later we would find out that two teens were arguing. Someone, or both of them, I don't really know, pulled out a gun and started firing. It was on the other side of the building I was in, and you could hear it. People ran for the doors. Two people go to the hospital for gunshot wounds. It's unreal. I ran out of toilet paper this morning, but it wasn't a big deal. I was going to work. I could buy more. I had to borrow toilet paper from my mom because I couldn't buy any. I have cried so much. You don't know what that's like until it happens to you. You see active shootings on tv, and you think it'll never happen where you live, but today wasn't a typical day. It wasn't okay. I feel guilty if I laugh. It's like I'm not supposed to be okay. My legs felt so weird. It was hard to move to get out. I couldn't move fast enough. Don't take a single day for granted. Don't take anyone for granted.
 
Work is still work, but it's not the same feeling inside the building. After the shooting, I had two days off. One of those days my boss texted me wanting to know if I wanted to come in to help get the department cleaned up. Ha. Ha. No. I ignored her at first. The company still paid us all for being out those days. Nice of them. I don't look the customers in the eyes like I used to. Sometimes I do, but not always. It's strange. Are they carrying a gun?? Can they see how I feel inside?? I don't know. I hate my job. No. I hate that building. No. I don't know. It's unreal. They brought in people for us to talk to if we wanted to. My boss's boss came by and asked if I was okay. Said she hadn't seen me since the day it happened. I said I was fine. She basically tells me she doesn't buy it and she'll come back later to check on me. She said she could give me a free number to call to talk to someone if I wanted that. I said no. I was fine. My boss comes by that same day and tells me about the people in the back we can go talk to. No. I'm fine. Among the arrests, three people were charged with attempted murder. Three. There were three people in that building shooting a gun. Even when we opened there were certain sections of the building that were not opened to the public. Of course, automotive was one of them. I had to walk by it. I wasn't close to it, but I could see it. I still hear it in my head, the guns. I hate guns. Afraid of them. I'll leave you with this. I thought about creating a message board for people who work in these stores, as we are a well-known chain, that has been through an active shooter incident. Active Shooter Survivors. Yeah. Take a look at that. Three. Two. One. ASS. Nope. I can't do it. I can not be a part of a group called ASS.

Have a good night,well technically day, BMR.
 
Okay. Well since my last entry we have had a couple of other minor incidents at my store. None of them involved a weapon being pulled. One of them, however did involve an employee being rather stupid and using a racial slur. So there's that. One did involve an argument breaking out. Combine that with the fact there was an accident in my area, and it ended with my boss telling us to close early. Yeah. That was a good day. Another day I overheard a conversation about a woman coming in wearing a hoodie, sunglasses, and a backpack. They pulled the footage from the cameras to watch where she went. She just walked around the store. Someone outside of work, in my personal circle, said maybe they were casing the place so they could steal. Maybe, but usually when you do that, most people don't want to draw attention to themselves.

Speaking of personal circles, my father was taken ill again. He spent the night in the hospital, and has come to decision that he is no longer going to work. It's fine. I undestand. My father is up there in years. He's been working since he was young. I mean real young, like under 16. So yeah. I can understand him being tired and wanting to stop. I get it. Also, there was a bridge I crossed last night, more like a hurdle I jumped. Since the day of the shooting I haven't gone out anywhere. Anywhere. I go to work. I go to babysit the kids I babysit on my two days off. That's it. Nothing else. I don't want to the store. I don't walk to the movies. I don't walk to go out to eat. Believe me there are places to do all of that within walking distance to my home. I don't do any of that though. I just went to work. Last night I grabbed my roomie and said we were going out to dinner. She encouraged it, as she's been supportive. She's said that I would go out when I was ready. Well, I haven't cried in a while. So I thought the emotions were in check. Let me tell you, no, they were not. I get inside the restuarant, a little sports bar and grill, and I could feel it. We were talking at the table and I told her that those people took away so much that day. They were not taking this from me. I said they're not taking away the movies either. Next year, I'm going to New Orleans, and I'm going to The Cat's Meow. It's a karoke bar that I really want to go to. She teared up. lol. I teared up. I feel those tugs at the heart strings just now. lol. I don't like to cry. I hate to cry in front of people, and yet here we are. lol.

Well, I've bored you enough with my day to day mundane. I hope you all out there internet land are doing well. Here's to all your projects and your personal lives. May they be exactly what you desire. Have a good day BMR.
 
The place I work at just can not catch a break lately. Last month we had a shooting. Today we were sent home early after a fire was put out. I had just gone to lunch when I overheard one of the bosses talking about getting an extinguisher and putting it out. I turned around in my chair and was like, 'what'?? Not even a minute later she came back saying we had to go, get everyone out, get out. I grabbed my stuff, because I remember leaving it there last month. We were told then we would have to wait to be able to go back inside to get it. I pushed through the double doors, and just to my right I could see the flames. Like I said, they just can not catch a break lately. I did not film the video. If it's not allowed, then please let me know, and I will take it down.


View: https://imgur.com/a/sWxUorq
 
I am actually caught up on all my rps. lol. I know that may sound like some great accomplishment, but I have one in email, one in pm, two in thread, one of which is a group rp, and that's it. lol. So yeah. Not a whole lot going on there. Still, I'm glad to be caught up. Now the starting a new project buy is starting to chew at me. lol. Have a good day BMR.
 
Full Disclosure. I have permission from the person I'm talking about to post this.

I have this family member that I suspected was gay. I even told them that if they were, it was okay. For years, this person kept saying no, they were not gay. Finally, this person came out and said they were bi-sexual. I asked them if they were happy. Yes. Are you safe?? Yes. Okay. That's all that mattered. Later on, they came out as pansexual. Okay. I asked the same two questions, got the same response, and then asked one more question. What is pansexual?? I have never known anyone whom I felt comfortable asking. So I'm asking you. They fully understood and were more than happy to explain. Great. Flash forward a little bit more, and they began an account on a streaming platform, putting out videos and doing live chats. They gained a following and became part of a community. Great. They came out they were non-binary. Great. I have no problems with anything they have told me. The rest of their family acts as if nothing has changed. I told them that this was their life. I had the freedom to make my own choices, to live my life, to make mistakes, to learn from them, to grow. They should have that same freedom. It wasn't up to me. At the end of the day, I'm the only one accountable for myself, and they are the only ones accountable for themselves. So I will respect whatever choices they have made with their life. I will support whatever choices they have made. I told them the world would be cruel enough. They needed a safe space, and I would be that safe space. I've even asked them personal questions. lol. What did they think of a particular girl? How far had they been with a girl? Now they know my religious stance on this. I was raised in a Baptist church. While I know I'm not the best person in the world, I do have my morals. I still say grace before every meal. I still talk to God. It's why doing anything religious in a rp is hard limit for me. Not happening. Still, I am here for them.I will always be here for them. Well, they talked about me with their community. I was accepted into their community. If I ever showed up at their house while they were streaming, their community would say hi to me. lol. They would tell me about milestones with members of the community, and I would celebrate them with them. I'd do something like get a small cake, I mean small enough for one person, and write a message on it, and have them virtually present it to them. I would tell them that everybody deserved to be seen. Why am I telling you this?? Because while it's something I'm not, I will support anyone who is. Some of their community members still live at home with parents who don't support them. They don't even see their own child because of who they are. That is sick. When these people got pregnant and waited, anticipating the birth of their child, not once did they ever say or think that they hoped their child would be straight. So why do they let it matter so much when they find out they are?? Religion?? Come on. That's not what religion is all about. We don't shove religion down people's throats, spoon feeding it to them. You open the door, show them the light, and you pray for them. I pray. I pray they are safe, that they find their happiness in life. I pray for my co-workers. I pray that all of you here are safe and taken care of. That all of you find your happiness and have what you need.

How does any of this relate to rping?? Easy. I'm not comfortable rping scenes with another female. It's not because deep down I'm against it. No. It's because it's something I haven't done in real life. I feel I can't successfully write something I don't have experience with. It's not something I would see myself doing. Just like dancing. lol. I can't write a good dancing scene. This includes a strip tease. I can't write it. I have zero rhythm. I can't dance at all. Now I have done it, yes, when it all just seemed to click into place. I've even written as a man in a relationship with another man. lol. It all just clicked. So please don't think I'm just an uptight cisgender female who doesn't even want to try it. I'm nervous, afraid of doing badly, and maybe feeling a little off when it comes to those sorts of things. I can rp a bitch, a whore, a girl who's been kidnapped, someone who's being abused, someone who is being killed even or spending time with a killer. I can rp someone who is attracted to a killer and wants to be as close to him as possible because she finds him so fascinating and maybe even she's in love with him, but rping a scene where I have sex with another woman is so out of my range I'm afraid to do it. I'm afraid I'll look stupid and let my partner down. I see so many scenes like that on this site now that sometimes I do feel like BMR has changed so much.

Well, that's my entry for today. I do have a busy day planned. I'm actually going to see my parents today, then later on I have to babysit, and then later I'm seeing them. Yes, the them I just told you about. We see each other a lot. Once, sometimes twice, a week, we go to a bar, have a few drinks, and have dinner. Most nights it's just me dropping by on them, or they come see me. lol. We watch tv together, watch movies, have dinner, go see movies together, just hang out and talk. They got me to go see the New Captain America movie when it came out. lol. They even got me to go see Thunderbolts with them lol. I actually liked the movies. I told them this month they were going to see Megan 2 with me. lol. First, they have to watch Megan one. You know, we might do that tonight. We had planned on cooking steaks tonight. That might go pretty good with it. If you ever need a safe space, I'm here for you, and have a good day BMR.
 
I can not believe I'm going to tell this here, but here goes.

I worked in a fast food place here in my hometown. I was good at my job, and I liked my co-workers. One day, this guy comes in with two ladies. One was clearly his mom. The other looked close to his age. He mentioned how he had worked there, or how he knew someone who had worked there, but I really can't remember. Well, after they got their food and sat down, a group of us were in the back, near the office area, and in the file cabinet was an old photo album of the restaurant. So I decided to take it out there and show it to him. I wanted to see if he knew anybody in it, and I wanted to try and make his girlfriend jealous. lol. She never got jealous. Oh well. I'm not pretty anyway. Fast forward to two weeks later. I'm making a drink for the customer in the drive-thru. When I hand it to him, I ask, "Don't I know you?" Turns out it was him. He reminded me of that day. We exchanged pleasantries, and before he left, he smiled at me. I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen. A little later on, a co-worker tells me she knows him. They're friends, and he wanted to know if it would be okay for her to give him my phone number. lol. Such a sweet gesture. So, of course, I said yes. He called me up, and we went out on a date. We had our first meeting at the restaurant in November. Our first date was in December. In January of the following yea,r he took me to a local lake, and he asked me to marry him. I said yes. We were married and shared two wonderful years together. He passed from a blood clot. Died in his sleep. When you find it, you have to hold on with both hands. The pain is something I will never, ever get over. To this day, it breaks my heart. I tried to find love again. Thought I did. That's another story. I will never forget him. I will never get over it. You never know. So tell them you love them if you have someone in your life. Don't go to bed angry. Don't stay mad for too long because you never know how long you have with them. I'd give anything for one more day, one more conversation, one more hug, one smile. One more anything.

After we were married, there was a time when he lost his wedding ring. lol. My husband worked in a lab at a hospital. Medical lab tech. He was so smart. He would collect samples of whatever the doctors needed, run the tests they ordered, and then hand in the results. I was so proud of him. Well, I had some extra money before we were going on vacation, and I bought him another ring. I had this one inscribed on the inside. Smile for me. Oh my gosh, his smile melted me. Well, something had come up, I can't remember what, and he asked about the extra money he knew I had. I told him I didn't have it anymore. He wanted to know why, and I dodged answering. I wanted it to be a surprise. He lost his temper with me, said a few things he regretted, and when I finally told him why I didn't have the money, he felt so terrible. I still made him wait to get the new ring. lol. We fought. Of course we fought. All couples do, but he loved me. I know he did, and he never doubted my love for him. I knew he was sick. When we first started dating, he told me his dad had health problems, and he would probably have them to. He said he told me this because he wanted to make sure I knew this. I told him it was part of who he was, and I loved all of him. So when he got sick, I was there for him. Keeping track of doctor's appointments, going to the hospital when he was there, right by his side. It was New Year's Eve, and my family had come over for fireworks, pizza, and a movie. The fireworks were great. Of course. The pizza was spot on. The movie sucked. lol. We all hated it. At midnight, we toasted with grape juice and yelled Happy New Year. Then my parents went home. The next morning I got up and washed the glasses. My mom had brought them over the night before, and we were invited to dinner at their house that day. I was going to take them back. He told me I might have to go alone. He wasn't feeling well. From there, he got sicker. I had to call my dad to come help. I had to help him put on his shoes. He sat on the side of the bed, and I kneeled down int he floor, and helped him put on his shoes. We took him to the ER. Because of his health issues, they wanted to transfer him out of town, closer to his other doctors. I couldn't go. There was something going on, and he knew I couldn't go until the next day. He understood and was fine with it. We told each other we loved each other, and he said You go take care of what you need to. I called the next day. His mom said he was doing fine. At three that day, I called, and she asked me to call back in half an hour. They were with him, the doctors. It didn't set off any alarm bells. I called back, and she handed the phone off to someone else. This woman I don't know told me my husband had died half an hour ago. That was it. He was gone. My world has never been the same since. So please, if you have someone, tell them you love them. Don't think you have years. You may not have days. You may not have anything.
 
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