Javorcek
Supernova
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2013
- Location
- United Sates - NY
The younger woman cringed at the word ‘rape’ and her thrusting hips faltered. It stayed in her mind, rang in her ears, and Jack froze up. The word definitely got a rise out of her…but it was probably not the one Miranda was hoping for. Her brain tried to fight for control of the scene, but her heart ached so bad that she couldn’t focus on anything other than how much her words had hurt. While Jack never raped a partner before coming aboard the Normandy…she had indeed raped Miranda after their massive fight upon coming back from Pragia. Up until then, both women had just been sort of burying the awkwardness of talking about it…almost pretending it had never happened in the first place. Jack had defended it in her mind as a necessary evil in order to deal with Miranda’s arrogant and cold personality…to let the passionate animal that the Operative buried under that calculating exterior escape it’s prison. But now all the defending in the world couldn’t stop her from really doubting her actions at that moment.
Jack grasped at threads of control, trying to hold onto the character of the Warden, to use the authority and power of the role to help shield her from the sting. Nothing Miranda had said had been true up until that point. Jack was a confident lover, she had had no doubt that Miranda wanted this and no doubt that her girlfriend truly cared about her. But the harsh lashing that came with the word ‘rape’ changed all that. A surge of guilt rose up, drowning the character of the Warden and leaving nothing but a very vulnerable and unsure of herself Jack in it’s place. She –had- raped Miranda the first time they had ever had sex. And that one bit of truth made Jack start to question every other thing that her lover said. Was she really bad in bed? Did Miranda really think she had raped her other partners before? Did the Operative just have sex with her because she was afraid of what would happen if she denied Jack? She had been so close to choking her earlier…could she ever be so monstrous as to actually do it?
“Mercy…” It was Miranda’s safe word and she knew the older biotic would recognize it. Jack managed to get the word out in one shaky breath before her head ducked down, unwilling to stare into Miranda’s eyes any longer. Brown orbs squeezed shut, trying to keep the tears from falling as she mentally stripped herself down to nothing as her own personal form of punishment. She was a failed experiment. She was a rapist. She was no better than all the people who had fucked her over throughout her life. Miranda had been right…she really was a mistake. Who could ever love a deranged Convict that was little more than an animal? A useless animal that was unable to control herself or her emotions.
Emotions fucking suck. And right now Jack was a mess of them. Angry at herself for losing the scene that Miranda had wanted to play for fun, scared that maybe everything her lover had said had been true, upset and embarrassed that she was now crying like a child…it was everything she could do to keep from crumpling to the floor or running out the door. “Mercy…” she whispered, softer this time, as though talking to herself. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried to keep from sobbing outright.
“I’m s-sorry…I’m so sorry M-Miranda. I didn’t mean to-… Our first time-… I-I-….” Her words came out in heavy, shuddering breaths with choked back sobs. Jack’s entire body tensed up as she fought the urge to just turn tail and run. But she loved Miranda…even when her first instinct to run away from her emotions, she found herself cemented in place because this was where her lover was.
“I’m sorry…please…forgive me… I n-never meant to-…I just-… You were so cold…and I didn’t…I didn’t know what else to do…”
Jack grasped at threads of control, trying to hold onto the character of the Warden, to use the authority and power of the role to help shield her from the sting. Nothing Miranda had said had been true up until that point. Jack was a confident lover, she had had no doubt that Miranda wanted this and no doubt that her girlfriend truly cared about her. But the harsh lashing that came with the word ‘rape’ changed all that. A surge of guilt rose up, drowning the character of the Warden and leaving nothing but a very vulnerable and unsure of herself Jack in it’s place. She –had- raped Miranda the first time they had ever had sex. And that one bit of truth made Jack start to question every other thing that her lover said. Was she really bad in bed? Did Miranda really think she had raped her other partners before? Did the Operative just have sex with her because she was afraid of what would happen if she denied Jack? She had been so close to choking her earlier…could she ever be so monstrous as to actually do it?
“Mercy…” It was Miranda’s safe word and she knew the older biotic would recognize it. Jack managed to get the word out in one shaky breath before her head ducked down, unwilling to stare into Miranda’s eyes any longer. Brown orbs squeezed shut, trying to keep the tears from falling as she mentally stripped herself down to nothing as her own personal form of punishment. She was a failed experiment. She was a rapist. She was no better than all the people who had fucked her over throughout her life. Miranda had been right…she really was a mistake. Who could ever love a deranged Convict that was little more than an animal? A useless animal that was unable to control herself or her emotions.
Emotions fucking suck. And right now Jack was a mess of them. Angry at herself for losing the scene that Miranda had wanted to play for fun, scared that maybe everything her lover had said had been true, upset and embarrassed that she was now crying like a child…it was everything she could do to keep from crumpling to the floor or running out the door. “Mercy…” she whispered, softer this time, as though talking to herself. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried to keep from sobbing outright.
“I’m s-sorry…I’m so sorry M-Miranda. I didn’t mean to-… Our first time-… I-I-….” Her words came out in heavy, shuddering breaths with choked back sobs. Jack’s entire body tensed up as she fought the urge to just turn tail and run. But she loved Miranda…even when her first instinct to run away from her emotions, she found herself cemented in place because this was where her lover was.
“I’m sorry…please…forgive me… I n-never meant to-…I just-… You were so cold…and I didn’t…I didn’t know what else to do…”