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A Questionable Excuse

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Were people who were coming down from drugs supposed to sleep? Was it dangerous? Good? Connor bit his lip and help Julian tighter. As the other's lips brushed his neck... god. That was perfect. If it hadn't been for the situation, he would have tried and kiss him right there and then. Were people born this perfect, or did it just come to them over time? Trying to make his breath more shallow, the older boy buried his face into Julian's hair, breathing in the fact that he smelled amazing. Not like anything that he could pick out, but he smelled good all the same.

"It's okay," he murmered into the other's hair. He'd decided that it couldn't be too bad if Julian fell asleep. "You're fine." And he meant it in so much more then one way. However... after a few moments, something seemed off. "Wait." he brushed the hair out of the other's face and shook him slightly. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
 
Julian would have felt wonderful if he could know how happy and blissful Connor felt with just his lips up against his neck like that. It would be nice to hear that he was pleased. He felt the other breathing in his hair, and that certainly felt nice. Everything felt better than he thought it had only moments before, as he drifted off into sleep. A sleep that only lasted for a few seconds before the other spoke to him again.

"Nnhm..." He swallowed and opened his eyes lazily. Really it was quite adorable. At least he wasn't shaking anymore. And there was this cute boy in front of him. "Hm...?" A lazy smile pulled on his lips and he leaned in to give Connor a sweet kiss. "What's a good idea...?"
 
Connor couldn't help but jump at the kiss. It felt nice... it felt too nice. He couldn't help but think that he was doing something wrong by accepting. "N-nothing," he said, suddenly out of breath of flushed. It was just a tiny chaste kiss. It shouldn't have effected Connor in this way. But Julian was so... he was just beyond cute. And Connor kissed him back, letting himself get lost for a minute.

"God..." he murmered, pulling away. He spoke up then. "Are you feeling okay?: he asked, his hand sliding down to Julian's lower-stomach. It was inadvertant, but once he noticed, he didn't pull away. "Is it okay for you to sleep like this?"
 
What took place had only happened over the course of a few minutes, but to Julian it felt like hours. He thought he had been napping there for at least an hour, when he looked up to Connor. "Mn." His eyes were still half lidded and sleepy, but he kept that smile on his lips. Somehow he'd been able to alter his consciousness, with the help of Connor. Connor helped him feel more positive and made him slip from that comedown. He had to thank him for that. But he wasn't even thinking of it at the moment.

He kissed Connor again, running his lips over the other's in the most affectionate of ways. "I'm feeling fine." He smiled and pressed his hips and stomach forward into the other's hand. "Really I'm fine." That smile only grew as he leaned closer to the other boy.
 
He shouldn't have done this. It was really such a bad idea that it should have hurt to think about it. And it did... just not in the way that his mind had expected. Of all times to get turned on, a fact that way all too obvious due to the fact that his pants were soaked, this wasn't a good one.

Really though.... why not? Julian liked him. He liked Julian. Why shuldn't he come on to the other boy with more determination? Who would it hurt? He mulled over the question for a few seconds, pressing his lips to the other boy's with more want then he was used to displaying. No... he wouldn't go any further. That would be wrong; taking advantage of someone who was still under the influence of drugs. It would be wrong, bad, a horrible way to go about things. But that completely left his mind as the two came closer together and he tasted the warmth of Julian's mouth again. He was so... delicious.
 
Julian was in a daze. A wonderful, fuzzy kind of daze. Not the painful terrifying kind of daze he had been in moments before. Connor had changed that. Connor made it all better. Now there was nothing to worry about here. His eyes traveled up and down Connor's figure and he spotted something different. Something very telling.

This was what he was good at, why didn't he just embrace that? If Julian would allow himself one compliment, it would be that he was good at having sex. He was good at turning people on. "Mmnh." He purred into the kiss, closing his eyes. He could sense the desperation there. Connor really wanted him to know how he felt. And Julian felt it. There was no need for words now really. Just by the kisses and the way Connor pressed up against him Julian could tell. "Nh... Connor..." It was a needy little sound as he pushed his hips forward into that hand again. Julian should have known better. He should have known better to do this now of all times. But he also should have known better than to taint Connor like this.
 
Connor struggled for a moment. Not physically, but mentally he was a wreck. God... Julian was so fucking hot. He made Connor feel as if thousands of butterlies where trying to escape his stomach. It really wasn't a pleasant experience. It was worth it though. Even though he'd only really known the other boy for a few days, it felt as if he'd known him for... well... a while. Yet, this was wrong.

He moved his hand away from the curve of Julian's hips and up towards the back of his neck. "Hey," he mumbled against the other's lips. He pulled away and pressed his forhead to Julian's. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, okay?" He pulled the other boy closer with the one arm around his waist and kissed his cheek.
 
Julian didn't see that struggle that Connor was facing. He was doing perfectly fine on his own. He felt like he was on his own little cloud, enjoying the high of being close to someone again. Someone who actually accepted his affections! He hadn't realized that until just now. Really, that thought only spurred him on even more. Sweet Connor, who was actually accepting of his affections. Sweet Connor who honestly probably deserved more than him.

"Hey..." Julian murmured back, his eyes still half lidded as he kept his lips pressed against Connor's. But when the other boy pulled away from the kiss Julian let out a little whimper. He had been enjoying that closeness... "Mn. I know." He smiled and closed his eyes as the other kissed his cheek. He enjoyed just being close like that, with Connor's arm around his waist. It wasn't demanding. It might have been a little protective, but that was okay! "I want to do everything with you..." He mumbled back, obviously he was starting to fall asleep. His breathing had slowed and his head was settling into Connor's neck.
 
Connor didn't say a word. He kept his arms around Julian, resting his head on the pillows and closing his eyes. With one more chaste kiss, he actually began to doze off. After all, he'd been woken up earlier that morning and really should have been more tired then he was.

For the first time in days, he actually dreamed. And it was odd. He didn't remember having ever dreamed of another person in such a way. Warm, smooth hands running down his body. Julian's mouth on his. The noises that he would expect the smaller boy to make during sex. And above all, he dreamed of Julian smiling and laughing. Needless to say, this dream was far to detailed to remember... and far to detailed to forget. He woke up with a content sigh and a smile (his arms still around Julian); one that disappeared when he looked to the clock to find that it was hardly past five... and he would most certainly need a cold shower.
 
Julian found it easy to sleep here. In a clean enviroment, where he felt loved regardless of what happened to him. He really wasn't sure why this was so, but for once in his life he was done questioning it. So he fell asleep next to Connor. And he didn't move an inch the entire time. He seemed content keeping his body pressed back against the other males, just feeling that breath.

So when Connor woke up, he did as well. He pulled himself over a lttle, looking back at him with a smile. "Mn.." His eyes were half lidded with sleep, but he was not angry or grumpy. "You stayed..." He shifted a little and paused. It was then that he realized Connor's little secret. "Oh..." Julian hesitated a second, then turned slightly. A soft kiss was pressed to Connor's lips and he murmured softly against them, almost seductively. "I can help you take care of that...."
 
Connor flushed a color that was almost inhumanly red. "I... uhm," He grinned despite himself. "That... " He really did want to protest. He didn't want his first time doing anything with Julian to be this casual. However, he didn't really like taking cold showers, and he'd just been dreaming about this very thing. If he really thought about it, Julain's suggestion was a dream come true.

Instead of saying okay, as he was far too flustered for that, Connor looked down and kissed the other boy back. "Of course I stayed. Why wouldn't I?" He smiled against Julian's lips and took his hand loosely. He really thought about the second part of the other's statement for a moment. "Would you really?" He asked with a grin.
 
Julian didn't want to hesitate. He was used to taking care of Dylan's morning wood, but never did it have this much affection involved. "Mn..." He purred into the kiss, glad that Connor hadn't retreated to his room. The boy smiled softly and pulled away from the kiss. His free hand gingerly moved out to rub over Connor's clothed crotch. He intertwined his fingers with the other boy's, quickly forgetting any pain that had carried on from the previous night.

"Of course..." He rubbed his fingers over Connor teasingly at first, then in a more experienced manner. It was clear that he had obviously done this before. "We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with though." He answered softly, his thumb brushing softly over the tip before his fingers moved quickly, under Connor's boxers.
 
For a breif moment, Connor pondered pulling away from Julian's touch. The damage from yesterday hadn't even began to go away. That right there was physical evidence that doing anything sexual with the other was wrong. Yet, how could Connor possibly refuse? He may have been strong, but no one alive was strong enough to actually stop the litteral person of their dreams from pleasing them. So why did he even bother trying? Despite his opinion on the manner, he gave in, his free hand moving to the one laid over his painfull hardness.

He bit his lower lip. "I-if you want to?" His voice was small and hesitant. He leaned forwards and kissed Julian. It was a long kiss; a thanks. And it was a promise. Any favor that the other boy wanted to give him would not go unpaid. He cared far too much to go about taking advantage of Julian like that.
 
"Oh, I do~." He chimed, and it was clear from his tone that Julian really did want to do this. Connor had done so many favors for him. Tutored him, fed him, been his friend. All of those were things that Julian couldn't even fathom to repay him with. Really, he couldn't ask for more in a friend or a lover. This kindness was so sweet... It was amazing to have someone that he felt this close to this quickly.

"I really do want to..." He murmured as he ran his finger over the tip again, but began stroking softly. His smooth thin fingers did a good job of running over his friend's hot cock. "I really like you Connor..." He smiled and pressed into that kiss. It was a lovely sensation, having their lips pressed together like that. He let out a hum of appreciation and licked the other's bottom lip when he finally pulled away.
 
"I really like you too," Connor muttered, pulling away. His voice lowered, almost shamedly and he quickly kissed Julian again. If he were to just let the other do what he pleased; give in to everything that he was feeling, that really would be fine. It would be perfect in fact. And so he did. He leaned back and raised his hips slightly.

A soft moan left his mouth. "I really like you," he murmered again, closing his eyes. He couldn't have been harder if he had tried, and Julian's skilled hands were doing so much to alleviate the pain. He resisted the urge to reach for the other's hand and help. "I-" his breath hitched, "I don't have any... uhm, lube or anything like that." His face reddened. "You know, just in case"
 
Julian smiled to Connor, nuzzling the other's cheek softly. It was cute, how desperate he seemed for this. And Julian would be lying if he said he could pull away now. He wanted to help out his friend. And Connor just looked so damn cute like that. It was clear that Julian was attracted to him by the way he kept himself pulled close. "Mmn..." He murmured under his lips, biting the bottom one before he leaned forward to give Connor a gentle kiss again.

"We won't need that..." He murmured against the other's lips, his fingers working faster over Connor. "Not today at least." He knew he couldn't take any kind of sex at this moment, unless it involved his mouth or hands. "You're sweet though." He smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. Honestly Julian was surprised he could hold back. Normally he'd be eager to fuck.
 
That day was the beginning of many days spent together by Connor and Julian. The two got to know each other quite well and though it wasn't quite love, Connor did grow very fond of his friend. However, it was never what either of them needed, and he feared that Julian knew that as well as he did. The other boy needed someone to take charge; someone who was willing to protect him from danger and make him feel as if he wasn't a burden. And quite frankly, Connor couldn't do this. He'd been raised to be polite and respectful and kind to everyone. In other words, he was really fucking boring. However, the two somehow made it work; spending time together as friends when they discovered that a sexual relationship between the two would never work. Besides, Connor's mom treated Julian as a son, and that made him feel as if he was some sort of deviant; sleeping with someone who was kind of like a brother.

After a month or so, the semester ended, Connor turned 18, and he graduated high school; being a year older then Julian. And after 4 months, he went off to college. Little word was heard from him after that and the two grew apart. It seemed that every good thing was coming to an end. Even his mother stopped talking to Julian after a while. What was the good (or sense) in an adult keeping in contact with a young boy whom she had no business with?

As for Dylan, he hadn't called or seen Julian in 6 months. Well, until that day, when the younger boy's cell phone rang and an apologetic Dylan had been on the other end, asking to see him again.
 
Julian should have been honest with himself from the start. Connor was not the kind of man he needed. He was too sweet. Too sweet for someone as tainted as himself. Julian didn't deserve to be in that kind of a relationship with someone. He needed something different. The relationship with Dylan had worked because Julian knew that despite the pain Dylan inflicted, he was needed. Connor did help him learn a lot about himself though. Like the fact he needed someone to take charge. Dylan was the only person that could do it in his life. But he'd promised Connor he wouldn't speak with his ex.

And he didn't.

Until the other boy moved away. Julian had a rough time those next few weeks, without Connor or Dylan around. He was lonely and he was desperately craving any kind of affection that anyone could give him. So when he saw his ex's number on his cell phone, he picked it up.

He should have waited, but he didn't. Dylan and Julian could have gone out to a public place and met, a safer option. The last few weeks had paid their toll, and lowered Julian's defenses. He was dying for any kind of attention, even from this other boy that had harmed him. Connor wasn't speaking to him anymore. He had no real friends. What was he supposed to do? He was stuck by himself.

So later that day he showed up at Dylan's door, his eyes a little brighter and hopeful. He didn't seem so thin anymore. It seemed he'd gained some weight with Connor and his mother, but he was still quite lithe. Just healthily so. The boy was wearing some shorter shorts and a v-neck t-shirt. It was hot outside, anyway. His hair had been trimmed, but it still fell in layers around his face.

"Hey..."
 
Dylan hadn't been doing very well at all. It seemed that he had from anyone else's perspective. He'd gained enough weight to appear healthy again and he's begun to do better in school. His job had gone downhill, but with enough sweet-talk, he was getting more money from his mom and stepfather then he'd been earning in work. It seemed as if he'd given up his life us drugs and alcohol rather easily as well. However, that wasn't the case. He was still drinking heavily (and had gotten into harder drugs then he'd ever done before). He'd simply planned his life around it. He would drink just enough on weekdays to get through, and then on weekends he did nothing but drink and get high. In other words; his life was in ruins. He simply was smart enough to make himself look put-together.

When Julian came around, it was a Thursday night. He was a bit buzzed, but only enough to appear normal. His hair was a bit longer then usual; hanging an inch or so below his ears. He was dressed casually yet cleanly, in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. And he looked... healthy. He'd gained both weight and muscle and looked better then ever.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling the slightest of smiles and stepping away from the door. He placed a warm, strong hand on the smaller boy's shoulder and invited him in wordlessly. “You look great.” The silence lasted less then a moment before he spoke again. “...You should know that I've stopped drinking, and that I'm... getting help. Y'know, for the anger problems and everything.” Both blatant lies. It was so much easier to lie then it was to tell the truth. But he'd been nothing without Julian. He needed him back, and would say and do anything to get him. “And I'm sorry. I was terrible and I'm so sorry for that. I've missed you a lot Jules. I mean, if you don't forgive me, I don't blame you. I just... I love you. I know that I didn't show it well, but I do still love you.”
 
Julian had been doing alright in school. He hadn't tried to seek out too much help with his studies, because he hadn't needed it with Connor around. But now he was just doing alright. He was getting B's and C's. Better than before. He even had a job now, working at the local videostore. And he'd probably put on at least 15 pounds. It showed. And that was one of the biggest anxieties on his way over to Dylan's house. He was sure that the other would notice. And he'd probably think Julian disgusting for it. Julian wouldn't blame him though. He hadn't really noticed until Connor went away. He no longer had a friend to constantly reassure him like he needed.

When Dylan answered the door, that worry doubled by a thousand. The moment he saw his ex-boyfriend's frame and handsome face, Julian swore that he didn't deserve to be there. He wanted to curl up into a ball and crawl away from Dylan.

But Dylan didn't push him away, or shoo him off. Instead he reached out that hand and put it on Julian. The boy swore that he might not live past that. How long had it been since he'd seen Dylan? And how long since he'd been touched? Sure, the touch to the shoulder was not sexual or affectionate at all, but it was a touch nonetheless.

He stepped into the apartment and couldn't summon any words. "I- Dylan..." He smiled softly and looked away for a moment, almost embarassed. "I do forgive you." He murmured softly, looking back up to the larger male. "I would be a fool if I said I didn't still love you. I've missed you so much." He stepped closer, looking as though he was about to do something affectionate before he paused. He didn't want to trigger anything, remembering how it had been before.
 
To be perfectly honest, Julian's weight gain was clear, and it made him far more attractive then he'd been before. However, Dylan was sure that everyone else was noticing it to... and he couldn't help but want to undo it; force the other boy to loose enough weight that he'd look sick again. There was something about Julian looking un-well that turned the older boy on more then him being healthy. Or he could force him to cover up.

No.

He tried to expel those thoughts from his mind as he closed the door behind the other. Julian deserved better then the likes of him and he'd try and make himself the sort of man that this couldn't apply to. He took him by the wrist, a bit disappointed that his fingers didn't overlap as much as they had, and led him the the couch. “Are you sure?” he asked, biting his bottom lip for just a brief second. “I've missed you more then you can possibly imagine. Just seeing you again...” His hand traveled up Julian's arm and to the side of his face. He couldn't even remember the other boy without bruises, and he'd forgotten just how beautiful his face had been. He had to fight himself just to resist going further then simply touching. He wanted to hold Julian; to kiss him, to fuck him right there on the couch. He wanted that more then he wanted a drink, and that was saying something.

“You look so different now,” he began, looking the other boy up and down. “I mean, you're beautiful. You've always been beautiful, but... you've gained weight.” he didn't quite mean for his words to come out as they did, but he also didn't care to correct himself, and he lost the battle after those words, leaning forwards and placing a simple, sweet kiss on the others lips.
 
Julian was trying his best to keep destructive thoughts out of his head. He knew if he started thinking them now, when he was here with Dylan, they'd spiral out of control when he got home. He'd start restricting again, more harshly than he was now. Really, Julian wanted it to go back to the way it had been before. He wanted to be small and helpless against the other. Still, he was smaller and probably wouldn't be able to put up as much of a fight, but he knew that Dylan had noticed. He knew and it made him so self-concious.

Julian just wanted to internalize it. He didn't want the topic to be brought up. But it seemed it was unavoidable. He smiled as the other male moved closer to him, glad that despite this giant factor, his weight, Dylan was still attracted to him. "I missed you too... So much." He murmured as he watched the other approach him, leaning in to press that kiss to his lips after those words. Those words that made an alarm system in Julian go off.

"I have..." He let out a soft noise as the kiss was broken. It left a sour taste in his mouth. Not Dylan, nor the kiss. Just the thought of him gaining weight. "I've been trying to lose some of it. I think just not being around you... I kind of let myself go." He looked down, then up to Dylan again. "I'm sorry." He seemed disappointed with himself. "I'm sorry if I've changed. I guess I'm not exactly what you were expecting to see..." He let out a gentle little laugh.
 
“Hey, it's alright. I know that you can loose it again. It's really no problem.” He leaned to the side, towards Julian. He knew that saying such a thing was a terrible idea, he simply couldn't help it. He remembered every moment the two had had together; the good, the bad, the amazing. And he couldn't help but associate the good with the others weight. He'd been so beautiful and feminine. He missed the feeling of the other boy's bones. And at the same time he was ashamed. Was this sick or what? He wanted the boy he loved to be weak and vulnerable. It was disgusting. He'd turned into the type of person who he'd always hated. The thought made him just a bit sick, something that he remedied by kissing Julian again, this time just a bit more forcefully. He bit the others bottom lip playfully and pulled away.

“How are things at home?” He asked, moving his hands to Julian's waist sensually, his mouth hovering inches above the others. He reveled in the feeling of Julian's breath on him, the warmth of the other boy's skin on his. And he wanted more. His grip tightened just a bit. Perhaps he was moving a bit fast. They'd been back in each others presence for all of ten minutes. Yet he still had to fight not to move faster.
 
That just reaffirmed something in Julian. He knew he had to lose it now. It wasn't even a question. Julian had to lose this weight to keep Dylan around. Because without Dylan he'd be alone again. And if he was alone he would amount to nothing. "I will... I'm sure you can help motivate me." He smiled softly, letting out a content little sigh. There was a very loud voice in the back of his head that shouted to him to tell the other to slow down, to stop the kissing and just let the two of them talk for a while. But Julian and Dylan had never really been two for talking.

"Mmn..." He pressed into the kiss softly, closing his eyes before he licked over his bottom lip that Dylan had bitten. "They're alright..." Julian was almost 17 now, and he was getting more and more pressure from his parents. His birthday was in less than a month. "I don't talk to my parents much. I try to avoid them." He murmured softly, leaning up into the larger male's arms. It felt nice. "I have a job now. I work at the video store." He moved his own fingers up to run over the other's arms, they were more toned now.
 
“Oh really?” Dylan said, more of a disappointed statement then a question. Something about Julian making more money then he did made him feel useless and lazy. It was such a silly reaction, as if they'd never broken up in the first place. Maybe that's exactly what he was trying to make it feel like. “Do you like it?” It was another silly thing to say. It was a job. You didn't have to like a job. The talking that the two were doing really meant nothing at all; it simply served the purpose of background noise for the physical contact. And that's exactly how Dylan liked it.

He moved his hands up Julian's still-narrow, but not narrow enough body, his eyes full of disapproval. Julian really had let himself go. He would feel the softness of the others flesh and it made the experience a lot less fulfilling. The third kiss was far more demanding then the other two had been. He pressed his entire body to Julian's and deepened the kiss as soon as it had started, making the softest of noises as his tongue found it's way past his lips to taste what he'd been missing for so long.
 
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