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Poems from Wonderland

This winter has lasted for much too long
I need to stretch out my tired bones
And reach for that shimmering moon
The snow has been settled for much too long
Upon these heavy shoulders

The spring breeze brushes over me
Awakening the beast that resides within me
And I find myself giving into it
Grinning from ear to ear
Like a serial killer about to be freed

Inside I am roaring with my freedom
The beastly essence suffusing me
With energy I thought long since gone
As I look at the waning sun
And sing summer songs

I will step out onto the sands of warmth
And no longer the grasses of winter
For Spring is right around the bend
Like a lover after so long of an absence
I will be whole and free again
 
Drifting down into the sea
I wonder how my life would be
If I've been born differently
And not so abnormally

I wonder aloud if I should drown
As if I am a burdening crown
That brings me to the ground
When I try not to be around

My inner self speaks to me
About all our memories
In attempts to comfort me
And see the person she sees

Yet I can't see what she sees
I can't be someone I don't believe
And so I fall deeper into the seas
To try to find some relief
 
Hollow Remnant

I wanna reach deep down inside of you
And tear out all of your insecurities
Like the poison pouring out of your veins
Every time you move that guillotine
Over the porcelain curves
Of your rusted skin

It's like you've been fighting a century
Every scar and bruise weighing you down
Like a thousand nuts and bolts
Holding your paper armor together
To protect you from a rain of crystal bullets

You're becoming a brittle shell of your former self
The light has been winking in and out of existence
As if you've lived a thousand years without sunlight
And the darkness is finally taking over
The beautiful sacrifice that you've become
When even the moon dies out

If only I could be your blackened Angel
With the remnants of my mechanical wings
To save you from the bloodbath
That you've been drowning in for eternity
Which has finally crashed over you
And swallowed your screams

Even as I hold you close
With your life dripping from your fingertips
I know that I can't be your savior
Even with the sirens so near and distant
The tears sweep away our dreams
As they fall from your shuttered eyes
And yet you still can't say goodbye
 
Me, Myself, And I [Lyrics]

I used to run closer to what I needed
Every day was like taking a deep breath
And finding the strength to keep going
Once I unleashed my flaws
Like petals into the wind

And now my prison is slowly turning
Into a dark sanctuary for me to dwell
The walls guard me like a lover
And the gates wrap around me
Like a security blanket

There are no locks for keys
The panels have been worn smooth
By the endless pleas and agony
Murmured from my cracked lips
To be left alone

I will save myself again
Like a thousand lifetimes
Spent alone inside of myself
No one else can stay here
It's just me, myself, and I

Even I can find the light
In this abysmal darkness
My eyes may be blind
But I can't suffer in silence
As the world slowly drifts by

I will scream until my voice bleeds
I will run until my legs break
I will try until my bones give out
I will never give up
I will never give in

I will save myself again
Like a thousand lifetimes
Spent alone inside of myself
No one else can stay here
It's just me, myself, and I

The mirror shows my sides
The ones I've tried to hide
But even I can find
The reasons We're all here
Even as we drown inside

Just one step closer
To the edge of my mind
I keep looking over
Wondering if I'll fall this time
And then it all goes to hell

I will save myself again
Like a thousand lifetimes
Spent alone inside of myself
No one else can stay here
It's just me, myself, and I

I will save myself again
Like a thousand lifetimes
Spent alone inside of myself
No one else can stay here
It's just me, myself, and I

Just me, myself, and I
Just me, myself, and I

(No one can hear you.)
 
Just an attention to people who read this:

The site I'm gonna try to get published is also having a poetry contest and I can enter as many poems as I want. So I would seriously appreciate it if you [the person reading] would pick five poems that you like and PM me the ones you like. I would be really grateful for this feedback so that I can try to get published in some small way.

Thanks!

Also note the deadline isn't until June, so I'm not that worried about it right now. But some insight would be nice. =]
 
My mouth is sealed
There are no more words
I have spilled my insides
Like blossoming lies
And there is nothing left
But the emptiness inside
I have screamed, cried, and raved
But I have nothing more to say
The darkness is always with me
Even when I can see the light
The horizon is in the distance
And something I cannot reach
I can extend my arm until it breaks
But I cannot reach that sunshine lake
So I will be silent
And I will smile
Because it is better to pretend
Than feel nothing at alll
 
Soldier Song

I've been waiting for you
As if I've never moved
From the spot you left me in
When you had to leave

I know you have a job to do
I know you want to stay
But we both know for now
We'll have to go our separate ways

I'll miss you on your side of the bed
I'll miss you sitting in your chair
I'll miss the freshness of your scent
On the clothes you wore last night

As I count the days until your return
I think about all the memories
And the promises of last night
And I linger like a ghost

You're part of something bigger
You're a soldier to your soul
And as much as I want you here
I have to let you go

And I will wait for you here
I will keep us safe in my heart
Because even though you are gone
I won't let this tear us apart
 
You're a pitiful broken thing
Like a bird missing a limb
As if you were torn in half
From the life that you lack
And I watch you struggle
Only without the malice
You might believe me to have
I have more sympathy
And knowledge about such things
Maybe more than you believe
Because the emptiness you feel now
Is something I feel every day
Every hour-
Even when I think I'm resembling stability
I keep seeing the darkness of it all
Like a shadow hanging at the corner
Of my wandering and empty gaze
Maybe my heart is too forgiving
Or maybe I just want to believe
You aren't that abusive and harmful
To someone like me.
 
I wanted to be your beautiful disaster
Wrapped up in fury and self-loathing,
And tainted by sorrow and whimsy.

I wanted to be your starlight hurricane
Swept up in absinthe dreams and vodka moons,
And carried by sugar spoon waves and orange shells.

I wanted to be your moonshine supernova
Cradled by silver wishes and gold avenues,
And marked by red hope and black belief.

I wanted to be your rainbow tsunami
Colored by peppermint kisses and chocolate sighs,
And filled by vanilla bites and cinnamon moans.

I wanted to be yours until the sun dissolved.
I wanted to be yours until the stars died.
I wanted to be yours until the moon faded.
I wanted to be yours until Heaven fell.

I wanted to be your whispering dream.
I wanted to be your rescuing nightmare.
I wanted to be your screaming salvation.
I wanted to be your redeeming hope.

I wanted to be all you needed,
While I gave you all of me,
And now I must be awakening,
Because there is no more dreaming.
 
I wanted you entangled in my world.
I wanted you to be attached to the string on my finger
Trailing along until it stopped in a loop around your own.
I wanted to know you like no one else did.
And for a time, I did.

We had our fights, our disconnect,
And tried to find our way over and over
As if we couldn't get past
Whatever obstacle that blocked us.

You've been imprinted on my mind,
Like a burned up photograph,
You'll stay in my memory forever.

Even amongst all the pain, tears, confusion,
Denial, anger, and agony in my heart.

I'll love you eternally.
 
I wanted to save you
From the darkness in your heart
And maybe for a little while
I managed to pierce the blackness

I wanted to hold your hand
So very tightly in my own
So that you would know
I didn't want to let it go

And yet I think
That I only managed to delay
What you had thought up
Before you'd even met me

I remember all the words
I remember all the tears
I remember all the silence
I remember all our fears

And I wonder if my words
Were just enough
So that when you left me
You knew it all.
 
And I find myself drifting away into ether,
My mind slowly churning like rusted cogwheels
Inside of a tiny beautiful clock with chipped glass
And roughened edges from use.
I cannot escape from what you've managed to do to me,
And I begin to wonder if it's reality or insanity.
I wish to see that face that haunts my thoughts,
Even though I fear damnation
As if reuniting with you and your voice,
Will bring about my downfall.
And perhaps....perhaps-
I feel my decline into insanity begin anew,
For you've reached apart of me long since hidden,
For fear of just this sort of kindling.
I'm in a bittersweet agony,
As I remember the sighs and caresses,
Of a night worthwhile,
And dream so unsteadily and uncertainly
Of the possibilities of your embrace.
I fear you- yes, by God, I fear you!
And yet, I cannot escape from the heartbeat
That quickens at the mere thought of you,
And the whispered murmurs we exchanged.
I'm drowning, I fear,
And I wonder if it will be with euphoria
Or trepidation and hesitation.
 
My fragile heart keeps stuttering
As I remember the last things I said to you
My mind keeps playing tricks on me
And making me believe
That you didn't really disappear

I keep thinking of your last poem- the one I never read
I find myself hoping with my entire heart
That the words will suddenly become true
Even though I know it's only a desperate wish
For something impossible

It's like the stars fell right out of the sky
And the sun was swallowed up by darkness
I can't keep hold of myself
Because I wasn't the only one
Holding myself together

I'm drowning in our ocean
The one that no longer cradles you
And I find my siren song is cold
And I find myself to be lifeless
Where did you go?

I will keep wandering this lifeless sea
Singing softly for you
Because the cold, sad truth is-
You are my Drowning Man
And I've lost my way
 
I'm trying to find my heart,
Do you remember where I left it?
I swore it was in the box
That I left on your doorstep.
Did you take it with you,
When you took your final breath?
I'm starting to wonder myself,
If I have any heart left.

I wonder if you held it softly,
Like you did the bottle
That helped you escape your demons.
I wonder if you cherished it,
Like the burn of alcohol.
I wonder if you treasured it
Like the loss of memory,
With every swig you took.

I find myself floating,
My eyes up towards the sky,
Wondering if there's anything left
Besides all of these goodbyes.
My heart doesn't feel like it's beating
I just wonder if it's still there
Because you disappeared from my waters
And left me my despair.
 
Time Does Not Matter

Time does not matter
Especially when you stare at the clock
Watching it tick, tick, tick away
As if your life was suddenly held
By mere minutes alone

I feel that time creeping up,
Ticking away like a quiet jackhammer
Reminding me every second of every minute
That it's been too long to count
The time that you've been gone

I swear that I've been trying
To not stare at that devastating clock
But it has ensnared me with it's hands
And held me captive by it's face
As if to keep me afloat

The sun is dwindling away
And I find that I am vanishing
Will you comfort me in dreams?
Will you wait for me in hallucinations?
I pray I will not drown in this forever
 
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Hahvy's good at poems,
But I'm better.

/bow
 
Shining, burning, bloody moon
I stare up longingly into you
With eyes as bright as sadness
And darkening gloom
I reach out my hand towards you
Wondering if I could ever catch you
Close my eyes and whisper dreams
Hoping the wind will capture them
And carry them up towards you
Will all that empty blackness
You must be so lonely hanging by a thread
I know the feeling all too well
But at least I am not dead
 
I cannot seem to escape
The lure of the ocean floor
Even as I feel the need to fly
Through the waters like a dove

I can barely see the light of the sun
As it's rays are muffled and shattered here
I long to feel the warmth of it's touch
And yet I remain where I've fallen

There is a sanctuary in this darkness
Though it is a cemetery for others
The silence is peaceful
And yet encases me like anguish

It's like my body can't remember how to swim
Or that I can longer take in oxygen
From my watery paradise and grave
I am no longer a luxurious pearl

Yet you reach out to me from the surface
Your fingers extending into the cold depths
I cannot see them, but I know they are there
Yet I am afraid to reach for them

Will I find the strength to rise above?
To reach with hesitant hands?
Or will I drown in my existence
Without knowing another touch of love?
 
There's a story waiting to be read
Written by the hands of the dead
It's the past that haunts me now
Insides caving, breaking down
Yet I know it's not the end

I feel his warmth embrace me
As if to remind me of what could be
It's like a shadow has been chased away
Because I've begun to wait for every single day
Yet I'm braced for the end

I'll keep my heart open
Like a fire unable to be extinguished
And reach for the a better tomorrow
With your arms holding me up
And letting me learn fly once more
 
I still cannot escape you.
You haunt me with your memory
Of a time when you once breathed.
And yet I've been moving forward
And moving away from your ghost.
I will never forget you,
Like a scar placed upon my soul,
You are encased within my heart,
and I will not let that go.
And yet I am moving forward
And away from what we had been
For I need to move onward
And find a new beginning.
 
The depths of the ocean echo with whale songs
Sad and lost, looking for answers
Or just another echo different from their own
Laying on the bottom, I can barely see the sunlight
The particles of microscopic animals drift in and out of sight
Almost like the flecks of stars winking in the darkness
The cold is almost unbearable but I have a strong heart
The pressure is crushing but I have a strong soul
My siren song is soft in the ocean waters
But I know that you heard it once
And perhaps if I sing it long enough
It will reach you beyond this world
 
How long have you been lost
And alone in your dark divide?
How long has it been
Since we said our goodbyes?
It seems like a hundred years have passed
Since I heard your whispered wonders.
And it feels like a millennium
Since I felt your moon-kissed skin.
We've been drifting for a decade
But we've been living for weeks.
Maybe once the end has come,
We'll remember those evenings,
Waiting for change that would never come.
 
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