Karim had struggled harder to take it that time, maybe the brutality, maybe Astra's anger, maybe his uncharacteristically dark thoughts. He curled up int he water, only his head and bloodied shoulders above it, pressing his eyes into his knees and crying bitterly. His body wracked with sobs. Astra was pulling him up from the roots, like a pretty, healthy flower he was taking home to enjoy and sniff and pluck petals from - watch wither.
It took a long time for Karim to feel better enough to clean himself; it took strength he didn't feel he had to dry himself, and put on his clean clothes. He carried the sacks of clothing Astra had brought down back up to his room one-by-one, never looking at or speaking to Astra as he did. He didn't really want to see him, but he didn't want another footman to be struck or shoved. Then he went to his room and cried until his tutoring session, where he didn't pay attention at all and uncharacteristically, even slow-tempered, congenial Ahmed gave him some slaps on the wrist with his pointer, grimacing, since he hated doing this, especially to his favorite pupil.
He'd drunk a healing potion, but he was similarly lackluster for his riding and fencing instructor. His riding instructor was sympathetic, strongly hinting he thought he'd had a tiff with his first lover. His fencing instructor was furious, even bellowing at him by the end of his lesson and promising to report this lack of motivation and complete disregard for his training to his father, though he backed off and seemed embarrassed and wrong-footed when Karim burst into tears, which he'd never seen him do before, even as a younger child.
At the end of the day, Karim just curled up in bed hugging a pillow, too numb to even think of eating dinner - even to think of cooking it.
Astra might be softening, in some small ways, but Karim was also starting to show signs of breaking.
A full month of this passed. Spring started to swerve toward early summer. Astra used Karim often and rough, but Karim hadn't given up. Periodically he would try to give Astra a new experience, like trying a bunch of types of ice cream, or bringing him to meet the newly born puppies. He rarely spoke up about it anymore, fearing Astra's cold rage, but he certainly hadn't given up. His attempts to find Astra reasons to stay on this plane of existence were as callow as he himself.
It was a sunny day, warm, not even the slightest hint of rain in the air and all the birds melding into a choir in the sky. Ahmed, Karim's tutor, had moved the lesson outside, to a table with benches beneath it and an easel Ahmed conjured, a set-up they had often used, since Karim was a tiny child. Familiar and reassuring as hearty soup, and probably equally good for Karim's soul.
One thing, however, was different. Ahmed was dressed up today, in a clean-cut suit that hugged his handsome lines and showed far more of his lean, tight, tall body to the young lord than he'd ever seen before, the tutor usually dressed in things like oversized knit sweaters and corduroy slacks. Seeing him dressed up had shocked Karim - and also made him nearly yearn to be the reason Ahmed dressed up. To fantasize that Ahmed dressed up to please him, that any second, like - like Astra, he would draw him up, strip the clothes from his body, fuck him on this table, which he believed Astra had done one time, only he wouldn't do it like Astra did it. He'd use lube. He'd be gentle. He'd be so soft it never hurt. He'd touch Karim so softly, too.
And they'd kiss. And Karim would know just how right away. And it would be perfect.
That was the one thing he'd not done yet, that Astra hadn't made him do. Kiss him. He'd never done it. He assumed that was because kissing was something lovers did, something you did when you loved someone, and Astra didn't love him.
By the time Karim had finished that train of thought, he was already erect, squeezing his legs and pressing his chest to the table ineffectually to hide it, though it was perfectly visible from the side, if someone was watching from the small copse of trees where a bench sat, and a person could have easily had a full view of the lesson with neither teacher nor pupil any wiser.
Ahmed hadn't noticed, tapping his chalk against the chalkboard to illustrate the point about chemistry he was lecturing on, his hips turning towards Karim. For a second - just a second - something was perfectly outlined, flaccid, inside those pants. Karim sucked in a startled breath, so hard he was aching, perfectly visible should anyone be in those trees. Ahmed isn't wearing any underwear, he thought. He was red as a strawberry.
Startled by his breath, Ahmed turned around. "Are you alright, Karim?" he asked, concerned to see his pupil so rigid and red, his eyes so wide.
"I'm fine," Karim squeaked. "Sorry, I didn't catch that last bit. Which particle was that again?"
The rest of the lesson passed rather unproductively, since Karim's hormone-fueled teenage mind was in a direction inconsistent with learning at the moment. Everytime he didn't think Ahmed could see him looking, he glanced or stared openly at Ahmed's pants, hoping to see another glimpse of paradise. If Ahmed noticed, he didn't address it.
Usually at the end of the lesson, Karim walked him out, but with the erection that'd been coming and going the last half an hour, and was currently here, Karim didn't want to stand up for any reason on this Green planet. So after a wry look at Karim that said his tutor knew more than he'd let on, they said goodbye to each other, Karim sounding infinitely embarrassed.
Karim watched him leave with a look no puppy could hide: a look of puppy love.