We Shouldn’t (SadBoy and Horus)

[Sadboyhours]

Jason was usually a very good student. With the exception of math, he enjoyed the other subjects or could, at the very least, pay attention, but not today. Today, he was distracted. His parents had just left on a long, well-deserved vacation, leaving he and his brother alone for who knew how long. All of that free time- even though he wasn’t a troublemaker, it still excited him to not have his parents around, and he couldn’t wait to get home and try out all the games just waiting for him on his PlayStation, or his Steam library.

Maybe he and his brother could get up to something fun, too? Work and school and parents always made bonding like they used to difficult, since they were both now either in or entering adulthood. The brunet missed sniping him with Nerf bullets and pouncing on his shoulders from behind, back before his older brother got too tall. That growth spurt never seemed to happen for the teenager, stuck at 5’3. Maybe it was still yet to come? He was hopeful, but he didn’t mind looking up to him as literally as he did figuratively, either.

He’d pester him to play video games with him, too, and now nothing was stopping him from having rambunctious, late-night video chats with his friends in other states. So much could happen, and he had (almost) free reign!

Seeing the absence of their parents’ car in the driveway on his way home reignited that excitement along with a flutter of butterflies in his stomach. Spending any time with his brother lately had made him feel some kind of way, something more than just grateful for their closeness even as the elder lived his adult life.

Jason had loved and looked up to him for as long as he could remember, and that had never fully gone away. His juvenile behavior had matured, but there was something intense that underlined it all, and that? That persisted. It made him feel a weird flicker of melancholy whenever his brother was in a relationship, like the man would be leaving him behind. It wasn’t healthy, and Jason tried to grow out of it, tried to date people himself, but still…it never went anywhere, despite sometimes fluctuating to be more of a background emotion.

Maybe he’d be able to talk to him about it this week, to let him know that he worried about losing him. That could clear the air, surely? Getting it out there that he feared them growing apart might lessen the anxious weight on his chest. Maybe that’s all this was- misplaced uncertainties and the fear of finally, truly growing up, becoming an adult and having to face the ‘real world’ teachers liked to warn about so often.

When he got home, he shrugged off his heavy backpack with an equally heavy sigh and pushed into the bathroom to wash the sweat from his face, shirt tossed in the corner. He’d grab a clean one and cool off, overheated from his walk home.

 

[Horus]

Alexander had been a good student when he went to university, and despite how successful he had been lately with his job as a radiation therapist he still had yet to move out of the house. If he was being honest with himself he just didn’t have the heart to move away from his brother - the distance he had already put between them had already been enough of a strain on their bond, and he didn’t want to lose his connection with his brother forever.



Alexander had grown more distant from his brother as they grew up together more out of a fear of his own sentiments towards Jason than anything else. He loved his brother as more than a brother for nearly three years now, and the older Jason got the more Alexander felt drawn to him. Alex had done his best to try and find momentary distractions in the form of other relationships with both men and women to no avail, and recently he had taken a break from relationships altogether due to how hollow and empty such endeavors made him feel. The elder brother used to feel an intense self-loathing and confusion because of his feelings, but lately he had grown to accept how he felt despite everything. After all, he couldn’t help how he felt, and he didn’t necessarily need to act on it - right?



Alexander had been preoccupied ever since their parents had left to go on their holiday cruise. He felt constantly conflicted when he was alone in the house with Jason let alone in the same room. He caught himself thinking only of Jason when he had time alone to masturbate, and he found himself lost in thought daydreaming of him while he was at his job during the weekdays. He felt more and more frustrated with himself as the weeks went, and it was practically driving him mad to not have some way to vent his feelings.



With their parents having left the house to just the two of them it would soon embolden the young man to display his affections.



When Jason walked into the house, Alexander was seated on a grey sleeper couch in the living room and wordlessly watched as his brother went to the bathroom. He found himself nearly salivating while he watched his brother take off his shirt from the other room, and Alexander had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself a bit before he spoke aloud to his brother.



“Hey J, how was your day?” Alex spoke the rhyming query to his brother in a low but loud tone so his brother could hear him properly.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Not particularly built, but trim from playing games of soccer with his friends, Jason was a svelte figure, bundling and wetting his discarded shirt so that he could use it to clean and cool himself off.

“Oh! Hey!” He called back to him with a big, goofy grin as he stuck his head out of the doorway. “Didn’t see you there! S’fine, probably gonna go out with my friends later tonight. No homework,” he whooped, the sink turning off. The shirt was tossed into his room from where he stood and Jason wandered out, arms crossing over the back of the couch where he peered over Alex’s head and shoulder. He’d pull a shirt on in a second.

“What about you, Mr. Radiologist?” It wasn’t the title of his brother’s actual job, but it was certainly less of a mouthful. Lips quirked in a signature playful smirk, gaze flicking from the older’s hair to the TV and back. He grazed Alex’s sideburns, right next to his ear, pointing out, “It doesn’t look like you shaved the last couple of days, s’getting a little unruly! Kinda long,” longer than he was used to, but any look he wore ended up being a fitting one, even if Jason was a bit biased towards appreciating anything on that face.

 

[Horus]

Alexander rolled his eyes with a smirk at his brother’s mislabeling of his profession. Being a radiologist would require that he have gone to medical school, and frankly Alex had no interest in almost certainly putting himself in over a quarter-of-a-million dollars in debt for the sake of pursuing a career. He made half as much money as most doctors did anyway with half the university education required to be a doctor, so he didn’t exactly feel like he was missing out on a greater opportunity in any case. Most of the doctors he knew were either severely depressed or complete narcissists.

Alex couldn’t help as his eyes wandered across his brother’s bare chest. The pale and smooth skin, the supple curves of his shoulders, and the sight of his cute little nipples all contributed towards Alex’s nervousness. Alex audibly gulped, as he trained his gaze back onto Jason’s face with a bit of effort on his part. Alexander could feel an uncomfortable tightness rising in his dark blue jeans, and he prayed his brother wouldn’t notice right now while he spoke to him.

“I-uh— I think I’m going to keep the beard if it’s all the same to you...” Alexander smirked with a little bit of mirth as he continued, “…and you’re just jealous because you can’t grow a beard to save your life!” The elder brother reached up to hold his brother’s cheeks with both hands and squeezed gently. His skin was so wonderfully smooth on his calloused hands, and it surely did nothing to ease the tightness he felt in his trousers. He looked into Jason’s eyes with a little bit of humor that belied his excitement and apprehension.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Jason laughed, swatting at one of the hands on him. He pried them from his face and gave them both a fond squeeze, shaking his head, “I meant your day, dumbass! How was your day? Don’t make fun’a me just because you took all of Dad’s genes,” that’s not how genetics worked, but he needed to rib him back somehow. He couldn’t have Alex get the last word.

“What you should do is grow out a big handle bar mustache, so you look like the villain that you are.” His hand pushed playfully rough through Alexander’s hair before jason turned, off to go grab a shirt. He’d plop next to him on the couch once he was dressed properly, nice and fresh and in a comfy pair of shorts.

 

[Horus]

Alexander blinked back his confusion before he nodded vacantly. He reckoned he must have been too distracted to quite understand that Jason had been asking about his day rather than asking about the facial hair. Alex was diagnosed as ADHD and it did affect his attention-span pretty significantly even as an adult. While he did take medicine for his condition the effects of his morning dose had clearly left his system by now.

He looked back and watched as his brother walked away - his eyes traced over Jason’s ass briefly before he snapped out of it and turned back around with a slight flush in his cheeks that came from a mixture of shame, arousal, and internal embarrassment. Alex hated that he couldn’t look at his brother normally anymore, and he was internally embarrassed that his thoughts of Jason were so lewd in the moment. He couldn’t help but fantasize about how his brother’s nipples would taste if he danced his tongue along them, and he pondered how Jason would feel if he was a little bit more touchy than usual. Surely his little brother wouldn’t mind a little bit of cuddling, right?

Alexander quickly realized with some alarm that his erection would be both prominent and very visible, and he grabbed one of the pillows that laid on the couch and put it over his crotch to hide his manhood. He continued to breathe deeply before he figured he should respond to his brother’s question though he had been a little bit delayed by the preoccupation with his own thoughts. Alex spoke loudly enough that Jason would hear his low and booming voice throughout the house, “I had a good day - a little bit uneventful but otherwise decent. Nobody crazy showed up, and nobody accidentally got injured, so I would call that a good day.”

 

[Sadboyhours]

If only Jason knew why his brother was so distracted, then maybe he might have opted to leave off the shirt entirely. When he joined him again, it was with a granola bar in his mouth that he snagged from the kitchen, making the couch cushions bounce as he dropped his full weight onto them beside Alexander.

“so you’re telling me,” he said between mouthfuls, “that nobody came to you with a wicked story you just gotta share? That’s alright, I got plenty to share on my side. Some teacher got told the heck off by one of the quiet kids. It was pretty epic,” as he laid back, his legs stretched out over his brother’s lap, Jason often both touchy and a little annoying- like a flea. The hair on his legs was fine and soft, not unlike the hair on his arms. Soft was just a good way to describe him in general.

“And I bit back at some asshole today, too.”

 

[Horus]

Alexander looked down upon his brother’s legs that laid over his lap. He rested his hands over Jason’s legs while he spoke, and he began brushing his brother’s leg slowly while he listened to him speak. The hair on his legs really was soft to the touch, and the skin below it softer still. He did his best to try and focus on his brother’s words rather than his own thoughts. Jason having put a shirt on certainly helped him maintain his composure, but indecorous thoughts still floated in his mind despite his best efforts.



Alexander raised an eyebrow and gave Jason a look of dubious concern before replying with a smirk, “Bit back how exactly? I can’t exactly imagine you exchanging witty rejoinders with your so-called peers.” He had never been one to be stern with Jason, but he had made it his mission earlier in their lives to make sure that his brother made it through school without getting into any serious trouble. His concern was more out of a place of fear for the consequences his brother might live through than anything else. Alexander cared for the well-being of his brother as an elder sibling should, or at least that’s what Alex told himself.

 

[Sadboyhours]

His brows pinched in the middle, perplexed at the out of place petting. Or maybe it wasn’t out of place. Was it normal? Had it been so long since he’d hung out with him that he’d forgotten something, like Alex being a little more affectionate? Jason wasn’t going to complain, although he did figure that maybe it was something his brother wasn’t thinking about or intending to do; maybe it was reflex; done absentmindedly?

“What?” He scoffed, “you think I’d pick a fight? I mean…it wasn’t anything crazy.” Especially because he couldn’t exactly hold his own, not physically. “Just some smart-ass kid going on about how wrong I was, when I knew the answer. He thought he got it right, but he didn’t, and he kept ragging on me until someone else told him so- that I’d been right. He was, like, so embarrassed and angry that he— listen, this is like some sort of Disney movie- he said that he ‘had more friends than me.’ Is that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, or what? I told him it didn’t change the fact that he was too stupid to know when to shut up. Our teacher kind of, uh, scolded us both…but I swear she was trying not to laugh! Really! He’s- the guy in class- he’s such an asshole, Alex. He’s the same guy that tried to tease me when I was going out with the one boy from the band. Kept trying to ask which one of us had-“ he quieted, shrugging. “Just a bit of an idiot, is all. It’s like he watched a stupid B movie and decided he wanted to be like the really cheesy villain or something. Kinda pathetic.” His eyes kept flicking down to watch his brother’s fingers.

 

[Horus]

Alex chuckled softly as his brother recounted his story, and he did his best to not interrupt Jason while he simply listened. His brother always had a way of making Alex’s attention focus on him even if he wasn’t really trying to be the center of attention. His expression softened as he heard the extent of his brother’s biting remarks, as he continued to pet his legs gingerly with his moderately calloused hands.



Alexander looked up and spoke to his brother in a gentle but firm tone of voice in reply, “I don’t mean to lecture you, but there is such a difference between wisdom and intelligence, Jason. Just because you know you’re right doesn’t mean the point necessarily needs to be argued.” Alex looked down to Jason’s legs and smiled whilst he spoke further, “I can’t say much though - I used to do the same shit when I was your age. Now when I look back on it it all seems so… juvenile.” Alex had always been the smart one in school that underachieved because he couldn’t focus on class effectively, and some had grown to label him a smart-ass when he bit back with witty remarks to his peers and teachers. He wasn’t necessarily a ‘bad boy’ in school, but he definitely resented the teachers and administrators who had so carelessly mislabeled him as such.



Alexander looked back up as a spark lit in his eyes with reserved excitement. “Hey, I know you and I haven’t really hung out in a while but… would you want to watch a movie together or something? Maybe play something together on your PlayStation or PC?” Alexander worried that his inquiry might be a little too out of the blue or sudden for his brother. Alex sometimes wondered and worried if his brother would get tired of him eventually or if perhaps their relationship would fray over time. That thought alone wrenched his heart though he did his best not to show it, as he looked into his brother’s eyes to gauge how he felt while he waited for him to respond.

 

[Sadboyhours]

“Ha! Oh, for sure it’s juvenile,” he agreed. “I’m not gonna argue that, but this guy’s a total prick. All I have is my good grades, m’ not gonna give those up. But for a guy like that? Alex, I’m gonna be a little piece of shit to him every chance I get. I never told you all of the things he said.” Not that it made a difference. He just huffed about it and let himself relax, legs shifting in the older’s lap, and then he grinned when he heard him.

“you kidding? I was gonna ask if you wanted to play Mariokart, or maybe try out some really funky mods on the PlayStation. Something fun, and really weird,” because he missed laughing with him. “Reminds me that I’ve got some funny videos to show you later, too! Just…stupid meme stuff,” Jason told him with a shrug. “We’re definitely related, haha! I was thinking about that earlier, just getting to relax with you while you don’t have to work…”

Jason’s expression softened further, something sweet, fond. “I was really excited to get to spend all this time with you. It’s all mushy to say it out loud, but I miss you, yknow?”

 

[Horus]

Alexander smiled brightly when he heard his brother’s reply, and his eyes shone with a vibrant energy that seemed to light up his green eyes. His expression softened in a way that mirrored his brother’s gaze, as he pulled his brother by his legs to reel him in closer so he could wrap his arms around Jason. His hands rested upon the small of his back with his right hand while his left hand cradled the back of Jason’s neck. Alex spoke in a soft whisper while he leaned in to hold his brother in a warm embrace, “I miss you too, Jason.” Alex kissed him lightly on the cheek before pulling him in close so their torsos were pressed to one another. His token of affection had been done without really thinking, but he had been genuinely pleased with what his brother had to say. It made him slightly giddy to know that his brother still cared for him in some capacity even if Alex worried that his own feelings were a bit more intense than Jason’s sentiments.



Alex let go after a tender moment of appreciation and instead held Jason by the shoulders while he looked into his eyes with an apprehensive smile, “I’m sorry I’ve been a bit distant, but I’m game for whatever you want to do.”

 

[Sadboyhours]

He was taken by surprise and startled by his brother’s response, left bewildered and wide-eyed as Alex hugged him with more enthusiasm than Jason had seen from either of them in a long while. “I- we still live together!” He sputtered in between laughs, bringing his hands up to pat Alex’s broad back. The older’s facial hair scratched him in a warm, pleasant rub across his cheek, and the entire display left those cheeks pink with embarrassment. This was definitely the kind of thing that you’d be afraid of your friends seeing.

Nonetheless, Jason wasn’t going to complain too much, not when it helped assuage his earlier knots of worry that had tangled up in his stomach.

“For being the adult and, uh, the professional, you’re sure pretty juvenile yourself,” teased the younger brunet, savoring the moments of close proximity before he had to inevitably pull from his brother- just to stretch for the remote. No way was he breaking away completely just to grab a few controllers. Alex had started it, and now Jason was going to keep it alive, keep it going, squirming out of those big hands but remaining shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with his big brother.

“Seriously, you’re like a puppy! It’s cute,” he chimed as he scrolled through channels.

 

[Horus]

Alexander narrowed his gaze with a still-mirthful expression on his lips as he spoke in a teasing tone in reply to his brother, “You’re pretty cute yourself, but if I’m a puppy what exactly does make you? An embryo?” Alexander stood an entire foot taller than his brother at a healthy 6’3”, and he always enjoyed poking fun at him for his size when he got the chance. He sometimes forgot how short his brother was by comparison until he was seated or standing so close to him, and it always made him chuckle. The short stature almost added to how cute his brother was to him. Alex’s arm draped behind his brother’s back while Jason flipped through the channels, and he pulled him in slightly closer so that way he could lean into his younger brother for some light cuddling. Alexander felt content and comfortable despite how his manhood was furiously erect and rubbing unpleasantly against his trousers, but he did his best to ignore the sensation while he simply tried to enjoy his brother’s company peacefully.



Alexander knew that his brother didn’t know the full extent of how he made him feel, but Jason had always been the most reliable source of tranquility throughout his life. Alex suffered from mild anxiety when he was a teenager (though to not as serious a degree as his brother seemed to), and when he came home from the pressures of school Jason had always been a source of comfort that cheered him up. Even now that he was an adult a part of him couldn’t help but feel like a teenager again in his brother’s company. His own worries melted away, as he cuddled closer to feel Jason’s skin along his own.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Jason gave his brother a weird look, lips and brow both scrunched as he thought about his question. “A…small puppy?” He tried, scoffing and shaking his head about being an embryo. “You should be outta the house already, yknow? It’s…” spoiling me, he thought, to have him still at home. He went quiet for a minute and just enjoyed their proximity while he finally settled on something funny, some silly prank show. Their parents liked it a lot, too- they used to watch it together when everyone’s schedule aligned.

With a sigh, Jason let their heads bump in friendly contact and he pulled just enough away to show a disgruntled, pouty frown, pushing fingers through Alex’s hair. “I mean, what’m I gonna do once you actually do move out? I’m not gonna know what to do with myself,” and, to be honest, he probably wouldn’t be far behind. Once he graduated and got a job, Jason wondered just how long he’d end up staying here. If Alex moved out…maybe he’d move with him? It was fantastical thinking, and not very mature, not very realistic. Roommates was one thing, but Alex could easily just settle down with somebody, too. He had a really good job. He was in his prime.

 

[Horus]

Alexander looked wistful as he heard his brother’s question - his eyes turned misty in a way that brightened the green in his eyes even further. He had a hard time articulating in his own mind exactly how he felt or why he felt the way he did in a mix of various ambivalent sentiments. He didn’t mind the idea of moving out so long as he could see his brother often, but the idea of driving a wedge between them because of the distance he had already put between them wrenched his heart with anxiety. He didn’t want to lose Jason - he had always been the best thing in his life ever since the day he was born. Alex could still remember exactly how precious he was to him when he first laid eyes upon him. He knew then that he would do everything he could to protect his little brother.



Alex spoke some of his thoughts aloud in a quiet tone, “I don’t want to leave you, Jason. I—I would‘ve moved out by now if you weren’t here…” Alex shook his head ever so slightly before continuing, “…I—I don’t want to put a rift between us. You’re the most important thing to me, and I don’t want to threaten that connection in any way.” Alexander seemed to snap out of his innermost thoughts, as he looked back up with some amount of fear in his eyes, “I’m sorry if that sounds weird - I just don’t want to lose you because I decided to leave you alone.” He hoped that his brother wouldn’t be weirded out or disgusted by such a seemingly childish sentiment. It hardly seemed reasonable by most standards, but then again Jason hardly knew exactly how Alexander felt about him to have the full context behind his words.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Jason’s panic attacks had ebbed considerably in the last year, where they used to debilitate him in the middle of class at least twice a day, rendering him exhausted and distracted. His energy had been nonexistent and his grades had been at their worst. It’s where he noticed himself fearing the things that Alex was talking about, now. He’d gotten better after new meds, but hearing his brother sadly reminisce on his own worries brought it all back.

“Hey,” he told him in a murmur, shifting to put an arm around him. “Hey. You’re not gonna lose me. Just…moving away is, it’s life. We’ve gotta grow up some time, you know?” Great, now he sounded like he was the one doing the lecturing, and he didn’t even believe what he was saying. Yes, they needed to grow up, but moving out and getting enveloped in their own lives would also inevitably mean growing apart to some degree.

“Maybe we could make sure we spend Saturdays together or something.” One day a week was a big shift from what they currently had, for sure.

“I just don’t want you to forget about me once you’ve got your own family,” he told him with a heavy sigh. “But I don’t think that’ll happen. I’m a little too annoying to forget about,” Jason told him with a grin. “We’ll figure it out…” he mushed his cheek against Alex’s temple when his brother cuddled up close against him.

 

[Horus]

Alex could recognize the anxiety he had caused in his brother because he had seen it play out in himself many times before at the thought of drifting apart. He listened to his brother’s words with a melancholy that seemed to physically tear at his heartstrings. He could hardly tell his brother that he didn’t need or even want a family of his own. All that he needed was right here pressed against him, and the thought that he wouldn’t be able to love him like he wanted to was heartbreaking. He spoke in a shaky whisper, as he held his brother close to him to feel his soft warmth, “I could never forget you - you’re the one thing I could never stop thinking about no matter how hard I tried.” His eyes widened when he realized exactly what he had said. He felt so comfortable with Jason that he could hardly control what came out of his mouth in the moment. How could he be so careless?



Alexander scrambled away from Jason slightly, as anxiety began to form a pit in his stomach. He wouldn’t be able to control himself if Jason continued to be so affectionate, and cute… and perfect. Alex shook his head before looking back to his brother and speaking in a bit of a hurried panic, “I’m sorry, ignore that, I didn’t mean it like that…” well now that was clearly a fucking lie, but he didn’t know how else to distract from what he had said in the heat of the moment. His mind was a bit of a mess whenever he struggled to stop thinking about Jason in such a manner, and it often affected his judgement beyond the bounds of what might be seen as normal. Alex continued to speak to Jason as he tried to calm himself down with deep breaths, “…just—I—I don’t think I could stand to grow apart from you. You’re— you…” Alex struggled to find the words that wouldn’t convey his real feelings, and he was left stammering there while he tried not to meet his brother’s gaze.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Jason stayed put, still from the moment his brother said that he couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was a hard sentiment to misunderstand, but it was just as hard to process for what it must have meant. The younger’s face burned all the way down to his shoulders, his ears bright red.

“I think that’s what I mean,” he tried to say, smile tinged with that melancholic sweetness. “We’re probably- we’re pretty…messed up, I think, from being together for so long, y-y’know? It makes time apart feel scary,” he was giving his brother a way out, a way to go off on a tangent that wasn’t exactly about how obsessive Alex had made himself sound.

The embarrassment made him hot but the sudden separation made him cold where his brother had been pressed against him.

“We’re gonna have to get used to it, I guess. Not gonna be able to have healthy, normal lives if we can’t stand being apart…” his smile tightened and so did the crinkles around his eyes, the teen giving his brother and himself a moment to come down from the awkward situation by trying to focus, or look like he was focusing, on the TV.

 

[Horus]

The pillow that had previously hid Alex’s erection slid off his crotch briefly before he readjusted it to sit over his manhood as a method of concealment. His mind was abuzz with many lewd and lonesome thoughts, and the elder brother realized he needed to get away from Jason just for a little bit to clear his mind. Maybe a wank would give him some clarity, but it was hard to say one way or another if that would either help or heighten his level of frustration. He knew that his obsession with Jason was far beyond the limits of social acceptability, and he needed to obfuscate his desires away from his brother lest his brother treat him like a pariah - or so he feared at least. He was far more comfortable with his own desires than he used to be, but he knew he still had to keep himself under control for fear of the consequences.



Alex reluctantly got up from the couch and told his brother a white lie to give him an excuse to go to his own bedroom, “I guess I’m more tired from work than I thought, I think I’m gonna’ go take a nap for a little bit if it’s all the same to you.”



Without another word Alex turned on his heel and walked across the house to go to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. He set aside the pillow he had had over his crotch onto the floor before climbing onto his navy blue sheet-covered bed and taking off his dark blue jeans as well as his grey sweater. He took the phone out of his pocket and went to his photo gallery of his old exes to take his mind off of his brother. He needed to think about someone, anyone, other than Jason, but he knew that such an effort would end up being futile anyway - his mind always returned back to his fantasies of his brother at the end.

 

[Sadboyhours]

“O-oh, are you sure? Okay-“ he didn’t get much time to respond either way before his brother was shrinking back to his bedroom, leaving the younger bewildered and concerned. A breath he hadn’t realized he was holding slipped out past his lips in a heavy sigh. Fuck.

Alex couldn’t stop thinking of him. Alex couldn’t stop thinking about him. Jason stared at his lap for a long time, just thinking, or trying to. Trying hard. He chewed on his lip.

So what was going on was, what? They were both thinking about each other over and over again, getting sick? Jason’s quick remedy had just been a quick “We’ll grow out of it!” But now? He worried for Alex, his own stomach churning as he worried about what he must be thinking, feeling. Shame, probably. He curled up on himself and tried to lose himself to the television, wanting to give Alexander some time alone before trying to console him. His own heart still hadn’t stopped racing, but lust didn’t consume him as wholly, as often, as it did his brother.

 

[Horus]

Alexander ultimately grew frustrated as every time he tried to think about his previous encounters with his exes his mind always gravitated back towards Jason. Alex eventually gave up and tossed his phone aside before sighing with that same frustration that ruled his mind. He needed to take his mind off of his brother, but that clearly wasn’t working. Alex pondered whether just giving into his internal desires even in the privacy of his own bedroom was a good idea. Would he slip up more or less around Jason if he let his fantasies play out in the theatre of his mind? He couldn’t say for certain, but trying to distract himself with thoughts of other people had clearly failed him as of late.



“Fuck it.” Alexander whispered aloud to himself before lowering his boxers to reach just above his knees before he grabbed some lotion he had on his nightstand and setting to work on himself with both hands. He always had to use both hands to work on his manhood in such a manner because of his sheer size when he was erect. He let himself fantasize about Jason, and specifically he pictured his younger brother as he had been without his shirt. He let his mind wander about exactly how Jason’s nipples would taste on his tongue, and Alex pictured the younger brother on his knees to service his cock with great enthusiasm. He couldn’t find the heart to feel ashamed in the moment - his desire was too great for him to care.



After the course of a few minutes he was able to finally release his frustrations all over his sheets in a robust and shivering climax. Despite his best efforts his groans of pleasure were louder than he had intended, but he paid it no mind. The rush of euphoria stayed with him, as he took off his boxers completely and used the undergarment to dab away the load he had released before tossing it into a nearby hamper with other dirty clothes. He laid there panting, as he thought about his brother with a forlorn expression on his face. He hated that he couldn’t be a normal brother for Jason. A small part of Alex wondered if his brother would be better off if he moved out. He hated that part of him because he couldn’t help but think maybe it was right.



Alex slowly sat up from his bed to put his blue jeans and grey sweater back on before standing up and checking the time on a clock he had hung directly over his closet. Only a half-hour had passed, but he figured that was a plausible enough amount of time for him to have taken a nap. Alexander shrugged his shoulders to no one in particular before he walked to his bedroom door to unlock and open it.

 

[Sadboyhours]

Jason heard him, one or two of those sounds reaching down the hall where he tried to pretend nothing had just been confessed. Heat immediately flushed him all over again, and Jason froze for a second time. He couldn’t stop feeling that overwhelming, daunting fear of how bad it was. How bad this was. They were in a shit situation, and it didn’t matter how much his brother loved him, or how much Jason wanted to press close and share a bed; it was wrong.

Unlike Alex, Jason didn’t have the time to come around to his own feelings. He still thought of how bad they were, how horrible it would be if they were even suspected of wanting one another by their friends, parents, anyone. Immediate ostracism.

The sickening shame always hit hardest when arousal and excitement did, or right after, in the clarity of orgasm. It was his turn to feel something stir warm in his belly and at the root of his cock, making his thighs and the length of his spine tingle.

he was up like a light, in the kitchen even before Alex came out of the bedroom. Food. Drink. Something, anything else to focus on than the fact that he’d heard his brother, who had absolutely not been asleep. He was clumsy and scatter-brained in his fumbling rush, blurting “TV’s all yours!” From where he currently hid out in the fridge, looking for nothing except excuses.

 

[Horus]

Alexander felt perplexingly serene as he walked out of his bedroom and heard Jason’s words before seeing him dash away. Alex’s brow furrowed with confusion and then his eyes widened with recognition, as he realized his brother must have heard him even over the television. Had he really been that loud? Alex’s face blushed slightly before he took a deep breath to steady his mind. He was able to admit to himself that the idea that his brother had heard him finish with such euphoria made his heart soar just a little bit with joy. Alex felt a distant pang of shame that was swiftly overpowered by affection and desire. Alexander thought of what Jason’s lips would feel like on his own, as he bit his own bottom lip as a reaction to the aching in his soul he felt for the seemingly unrequited desire.



Alex slowly and silently walked to the entrance of the kitchen, as his gaze settled upon Jason. The aching sensation in his gut grew that much more intense the closer he was to the subject of his affections. He briefly just stood there and watched his brother with rapture before quietly walking behind Jason, and wrapping him up in a warm embrace from behind. Alexander’s chin rested lightly atop his brother’s head, as he spoke aloud a query, “Do you not want to hang out with me anymore?” The question was pointed but ambiguous enough that he could have an easy-out if he needed to use one.

 

[Sadboyhours]

He didn’t expect to be followed, and he didn’t even realize that he had been until those arms wrapped around him. It wouldn’t have been so weird to be the recipient of it if Alex hadn’t just made their dynamic that much more complicated by voicing it aloud earlier. Earlier, he would have been giggly and friendly, nonchalant; he couldn’t do that now. It was a frustrating circle of ‘he knows that he knows that he knows’ and it was as aggravating as it was tempting- it wasn’t like Jason had to fear being rejected. He was certain that wasn’t the case.

He just couldn’t stomach acting on everything. It was the precipice of a change that amounted to the fucking Grand Canyon, and Jason was not ready to make the jump.

He did jump when he felt Alex hug him, a hard, anxious swallow knocking his Adam’s apple. “Of, of course not— I still love you, you idiot,” the awkwardness made him a little more abrupt and blunt. Not a lot of time to think when you just wanted to shrink away, to make some space between the two of you.

“you’re still my brother. I still want to bother the heck outta you. I just need—“ he squirmed in his arms, stuck with his front facing the open cold of the fridge and a cage of strong arms around him. “Food. Don’t make it weird,” the last word was whined. “Please. It’s, we’re fine. It’s fine,”