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ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʟᴍ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀᴍ ` - ᴠᴀʟᴇɴᴛɪɴᴇᴄʟᴏᴜᴅ & ᴍɪɴᴄᴄɪɴᴏ

Katsuki worried about Shoto for a few minutes before he eventually fell asleep too, the video game still running on the screen. By the next morning, Kaminari had gone home long before the two awoke. Katsuki was lying on his back, one leg out of the blanket with both arms awkwardly flung above his head. After they'd switched to sleeping on the wide futons, he'd been rolling around a lot more.

As per their usual morning routine, he got up to workout and then shower, but this time he waited for Shoto to wake up before he started breakfast, scrolling through his phone and texts while sitting at the dining table.
 
Shoto woke alone like he always did, but it didn't take him long to realize the room wasn't empty. It still took him a moment to roll out of bed, he'd never been much of a morning person, and he shuffled his way into the dining room before dropping his arms over his boyfriends shoulders and pressing his face into the back of his neck.

It takes him a moment to find words, and when he speaks its a rough but soft, "Hey. You smell good."
 
Katsuki wasn't sure what this tension was, but it was there, even if Shoto seemed to be back to normal already. It felt like they were missing something, there being some residual soreness from a fight they were supposed to have last night. Katsuki wasn't even sure what that had been about. He dropped his phone face-down on the table and reached back to ruffle Shoto's bed hair.

"You hungover?" he asked, then said. "I got mackerel the other day. You wanna have some broiled mackerel with miso soup?"
 
He could feel it too, but he didn't want to. There was nothing to fight about. They hadn't even had a disagreement. Something was just there, under his skin, that was bothering him for reasons he couldn't explain.

"Yes," he says, his stomach grumbling in response to the proposal of food. "Head hurts a little," he admits. He probably got too dehydrated the night before. He makes a mental note to get a sports drink from the fridge, but moving seems hard right then.
 
"You should've drank some water with the beer, or had something to snack on," Katsuki snorted, unwrapping Shoto's arms from his shoulders so he could get up to prepare breakfast. After having done it so many times, the routine was done like a military drill, with no second spared. The rice was washed and set, the mackerel cured in sake and set in the toaster oven, and miso soup boiling on the stove. In twenty minutes, everything would finish at the same time.

That left twenty minutes of Katsuki leaning his hip against the counter and staring at Shoto, dissatisfied with the way things had ended yesterday. "Sparky left," he said to avoid the subject.
 
Shoto sat and watched him, he usually didn't, he usually woke up to the smell of breakfast already made, drawing him out of bed with the promise of food. It's nice. The way he moves. How well his routine is worked out. But there's still that thing between them that he doesn't like.

It gets bigger when there's nothing left to do but be in each other's presence. "Good," he says about Kaminari. "I hope he feels better."

And then ... there's nothing. He feels like he broke something without understanding what it was, and he tapped his knuckles idly on the table. Sorry I got weird is on the tip of his tongue, but he still can't explain himself, so why say anything?
 
Katsuki was mostly confused, thinking he was the only one who felt the residual tension after Shoto was completely fine with the way things were. Maybe this was what it was really like to have such an emotionally stunted boyfriend. Katsuki thought he would have much preferred that Shoto was like him sometimes, speaking his mind even if things got aggressive and heated. He didn't know what to do with silence, let alone awkward silence.

So he grabbed his phone and scrolled through it idly, ignoring the stillness, and just that annoying prickling at the back of his neck that told him something was amiss. Was this their first fight since the break-up? God, he didn't know what those were like anymore.

"I'm going to go work out with Shitty Hair after," he said. "Don't wait for me."
 
"Okay," he said, soft, disappointed, but there wasn't a good enough reason to ask him to stay, or spend the day with him. Maybe they needed time apart. They'd been glued to each other since the beginning of Christmas break without classes or anything else to split them up. Maybe too much time together was a bad thing.

He was silent through breakfast too, aside from a thanks and praise at the taste, sorting through his thoughts and trying to figure out what he'd accidentally broken.

Mina was still out of town with her family, but he pulled his phone out to see if Midoriya was back. He didn't think staying home in the quiet dorm would be good for him.

He cleaned up the dishes like he always did, and hesitated by the door like he wasn't entirely sure if he was going to get a kiss before Katsuki left.
 
Katsuki hated being stifled in whatever this was. He hated thinking, but that didn't warrant him yelling at Shoto to figure out what was up, or if there was anything up with him. He felt like he was overthinking things, so he intended to sweat it out at the gym, maybe even hang out with Kirishima to distract himself from the fact they were going through something weird. Something distant.

Had Kaminari told Shoto something? Had Mina texted Shoto something? Fuck, Katsuki didn't know, and it frustrated him more that Shoto was keeping his lips sealed. He felt that weird feeling come on again, that same kind of instability and dread that had broken them up the first time. It had started like this, awkward and cold, until feelings sort of faded and one of them called it off.

Katsuki packed his duffel bag, and left, thinking too much to really remember to kiss Shoto once he left.
 
He spent the day with Midoriya, quiet, getting boba and watching people return to campus slowly after the break. His friend only asked him once if he was okay, and when Shoto replied that he wasn't sure, he let it drop and took responsibility with filling both sides of conversation himself.

Midoriya wasn't the friend he usually went to for relationship stuff - that was on Mina - but he didn't know how to tell either of them what was bothering him. He didn't know what was bothering him.

"Hey," he said. "Would you go with me to the training arena?"

Midoriya stopped mid sentence, Shoto hadn't even realized he'd been talking, but he didn't seem upset. "You wanna fight?"

"Yeah," he said, and stood up from where they'd been lounging in front of a fire pit. He checked his phone, but he wasn't surprised not to find anything from Katsuki.
 
Katsuki spent the day boxing with Kirishima to get over the annoying feeling that something wasn't right with him and Shoto. What was even worse, he felt anxious about it. Like maybe he'd set Shoto off and now he was just some poor dog waiting to be euthanized or something. Dumped. Again.

He tried to rethink the day and what he could have done wrong and naturally he was drawing blanks. He hadn't acted out. He'd even treated Kaminari half decently, too. Kirishima also asked what was wrong but Katsuki didn't answer him.

"It's Todoroki, huh?" the redhead chuckled, sweating from the endless workout the two had been engaged in. They were going to get ramen next, not too far from the campus. "You rarely get that quiet unless it's about him."

Katsuki muttered a soft "shut up" and checked his phone. Nothing from Shoto.

Had he really fucked up?
 
He makes it all the way to getting changed out and standing at the doors of the arena before he decides he doesn't want to practice after all. There's no rule that says who he can and can't fight with, but something about training with Midoriya over Katsuki feels wrong. He grits his teeth, and Midoriya leans back on the door, folding his arms.

"Alright," he says. "You've gotta talk to me now. This isn't like you."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he admits. "We were fine until we weren't."

"Kacchan?" he guesses, and Shoto nods. He wasn't jealous, but something about Shinsou had set him off. It didn't feel like his possessive streak either.

"I got annoyed with him last night but he didn't even do anything," he admits. "I don't even think it was him I was mad at. But I don't know ... I don't know how to fix what I don't know is broken."

"I mean, have you tried just telling him that?"

Shoto sends Midoriya a side-eyed glare and he laughs and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Good point."
 
Kirishima had a different tactic to getting Katsuki's mind off of Shoto, which was to bring Katsuki to his favorite ramen joint so he could eat his feelings.

"Bakugo, life's too short for you to be hung up over guys," the redhead chuckled. "Kinda miss the old you yelling all the time. Sad you is honestly kind of weird."

"Shut up, I'm not sad," Katsuki glared at him. But he'd take sad over anxious. He didn't even want to go home because he felt like Shoto would be there waiting to break up with him.

"You've been with him all break. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, man," Kirishima shrugged.

Still, Katsuki kept glancing at his phone, irritated that he hadn't gotten anything. Finally, he shoved his phone in his pocket and huffed. "Whatever."
 
Shoto paced. Up and down the courtyard and back again, his phone in his hand, taping it against his palm. Every time he passed Midoriya, his friend shot out an idea for him, but none of them seemed good enough.

Finally he stopped, mid physical rant, and opened to his text thread with his boyfriend.

I don't like this. Sent.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Sent.

I don't want to fight. Sent.

I miss you. Sent.

"Word vomit?" Midoriya guessed.

"Shut up," Shoto mumbled.
 
Shoto's texts came as some relief for him, because at least there was reassurance that he'd just been overthinking. But why did things still feel unresolved? Like there was something still wrong between them?

He contemplated what to type back but settled on something to settle the tension.

Don't stay out too late.

Katsuki didn't know what else to say. He didn't want to sound overbearing, and he never texted sappy things like I love you or I miss you over texts.

After dinner with Kirishima, they were walking back to campus when Katsuki asked Kirishima out of the blue. "Oi, are you gay?"

The redhead sputtered in embarrassment and Katsuki took that as an unspoken answer that there were some repressed feelings there. Kaminari would have a field day with that information. The two parted ways, Katsuki returning to an empty dorm where he did both of their laundry in the dark, and finally settled into their bed to play video games, waiting for Shoto to get home.
 
The reply came as a relief - he hadn't been expecting anything showy, or declarations of love. It was enough.

He stayed out with Midoriya a little longer, only to try and work out what was bothering him. He shot a few texts to Mina too, but she didn't have any words of wisdom except that he's in love, and sometimes the heart doesn't make sense.

When he gets home he only relaxes because Katsuki beat him there, and he crosses the room dropping his stuff as he goes before he falls into his boyfriend and drapes himself over him.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I really don't know what happened."
 
Katsuki was relieved when Shoto came home. Ever since he'd been held hostage by that sludge villain, he'd always been a little worried that Shoto might run into a similar encounter, or that his parents might. His luck was rotten, anyway.

He slipped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed the top of his head. "Hey," he mumbled, the controller rested on his boyfriend's back. "You were acting weird. I thought..." Katsuki fell silent for a moment. "I thought you were gonna break up with me."
 
"Fuck," Shoto breathed out softly. He shifted in Katsuki's arms until he could look at him. They'd never been good at the serious side of things - neither of them liked to feel that much. But he steels his nerves and says, "Never again."

He means it, too. He's in this. He's not about to get down on one knee and ask for a not even legal ceremony, but he might one day. For now what he knows is that he fucking loves Katsuki Bakugo, and he did the broken up thing. It'd been awful.

"I don't know why I'm weird," he admits. "Something got under my skin and I can't figure it out. But I'm not leaving you. Not again."
 
He should feel relieved by that but also Katsuki didn't realize that it made him feel quite vulnerable, like he found himself pretty pathetic for just waiting until Shoto decided that he wanted to break up. It had never really dawned on him that it could be the other way around. It just had never been an option in his mind. Quitting wasn't in Katsuki's vocabulary.

So he just tried to quell the anxiety, and settled down a bit, peeking over Shoto's shoulder to stare at the screen. "Just talk about your feelings or whatever. We're supposed to be honest with each other."
 
"I just ..." he took a deep breath and let it out in a gust of warm air. He knows Katsuki is right, but this is where he's always fallen short. Where people get it wrong thinking that he's the saint in their relationship, when the truth is that at least Katsuki feels things. Even if most of them are angry and loud and overdone, they're still feelings.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "I don't know what I'm feeling, and I didn't know how to tell you that either. But mostly I'm sorry you thought ... you thought that I'd break us up."
 
He just took in Shoto's words, even the apology, even if he didn't think he needed it. It was uncomfortable being that emotionally vulnerable so he could only imagine what it was like for Shoto who hardly felt anything. He was learning a little about selective empathy, apparently.

"I think I'll always think that," he said honestly. "It's just... there. The thing with Deku, thinking I'll be weaker than him if I don't work my damn best. It's just there." He figured the paranoia was just his brain trying to protect him from something like that.

"I don't blame you, but..." he chewed on his lower lip. "We gotta work together on this stuff. Talking. It's about being hero-and-sidekick too."
 
Shoto nods and presses their foreheads together. He knows Katsuki is right. They have to learn how to communicate, at least with each other. He gets so comfortable knowing they're on the same wavelength most of the time that when something knocks them off, he doesn't know how to handle it. Last time they'd been together, he hadn't. He'd just used it as reasons to stack against them.

"Maybe I did get jealous," he admits, because that dinner had started everything. "Maybe it pissed me off that I was right there and Shinsou couldn't have cared less. Maybe I just want you to be mine so much that I'm willing to burn anyone else who even looks at you." He sits with that for a moment, not feeling good about it, but something is still bothering him. "Maybe I feel for Kaminari because if you hadn't wanted me back, I'd be where he is. Worse off, probably." Which is ridiculous to be upset about, because he's not. Never has been. Why be so wound up about something that isn't even real? "I don't know, but I'll stop trying to figure myself out silently."
 
Katsuki knew Shoto's jealousy had been the spark to light that pyre but he hadn't known it had bothered him this much. Katsuki dropped his controller and wound his arms loosely around his boyfriend.

"I meant what I said. People are gonna damn stare and do what they do because they're shitty people sometimes," Katsuki shrugged. "But I trust you." And he hoped Shoto trusted him enough to know he wouldn't ever reciprocate their feelings or advances.

The blond sighed, musing a bit to himself. "Almost thought Sparky told you something. I was gonna go punch his teeth in."
 
Shoto sighed and pressed his face into the crook of his boyfriends neck. Just because someone else was interested, didn't mean Katsuki would be. Just because someone else could try and talk their way into his pants, didn't mean he'd let them. In fact, it'd probably be one hell of a challenge.

"I trust you too," he says. And shakes his head slightly at the idea that Kaminari had done anything. He'd been innocent in all of this, just someone who needed a friend. "Love you."
 
"Love you too," Katsuki mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his boyfriend's head. He meant it, too, that he'd always do that because Katsuki just didn't know when to quit. Maybe if they fell out in a really toxic way, Katsuki would be able to stem those feelings but for now, he was smitten.

"You don't gotta tell me everything. Just don't leave it at nothing," he said as a last note. "If you need space, tell me that too."
 
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