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CasualVelociraptor's Book of Dreams (Active RPs & Updates)

CasualVelociraptor

Ravenclaw
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Sep 7, 2019
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Jurassic Park
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Image Credit for All Headings: @Forbidden Fruit (Check out her store here!)

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If you're visiting this section of the Book, you're either an existing partner of mine looking to get information on key aspects of geopolitical and historical lore, or you have been directed here by a recently posted request thread relating to this universe. In that case, I hope this resource will prove useful as you start or continue your journey into in the past, present, or future of my steampunk fantasy world on the brink of global catastrophe.

Dragons battle airplanes for aerial supremacy; new guns contend with ancient magic; colossal machines rampage through old growth forests; murder, thievery, and darkness pervade the streets of the cities; and steel encircles the globe as elves make their last stand. Are you a soldier finding love across enemy lines? A hunter just trying to make their way in the world when a monster girl finds them? A detective solving mysteries for a billionaire debutante merman? Or perhaps a girl driven low by a world that used her up, only for her to be its greatest hope? The possibilities for stories are nearly limitless. So come along with me, and let us make our mark on this wounded world.

Before the Cataclysm War, there were three separate universes in the Multiverse that neighbored each other much more closely than any others. These are usually called dimensions: the Aether Realm, the Matter Realm, and the Nether Realm, and were all connected by the potent cosmic energies swirling around them left over from the Big Bang, collectively called the Dreamscape. The Dreamscape is fueled by the conscious and subconscious thoughts of sentient beings, such as dreams or aspirations. These also collectively contribute to the mysterious Ballad of Creation, which circulates through it all like an air current made of music. Magic is some of that energy being unconsciously given back to sentients of a dimension by Anchors- unusually spiritually powerful creatures acting as mediums- so it can fuel especially strong dreams that then feed the Dreamscape and therefore the Ballad.

However, with life must also come death, for with order must come disorder as the Dreamscape is pushed and pulled by the Chaos Entities. These Entities, despite their collective name, operate by their own rules, and would be called the fundamental forces of gravity, electromagnetism, and strong and weak nuclear forces if the scientists of Emada understood them as such; all resulting physical laws; and entropy- destruction itself.

This struggle is only bound by One Law: it must not have a winner until the natural but unknowable End of All Things. If this is violated, then the Multiverse itself, and all life within it, will suffer a permanent destruction at the subatomic level, never to be recreated again.

The Ballad is not a god/s, nor did it create life, though it has bestowed magic and psychic sensitivity on those who would be called gods, angels, or monsters by mere mortals in Emada and other dimensions by conferring especially strong music and voices on them, Anchor or no, in order to maintain balance. Meanwhile, anyone who hears the Ballad in its entirety- a rarity in history, for few have known what it is, let alone tried to harness such vast and awesome power- will go mad before spontaneously disintegrating in a matter of minutes.

The invasion and utter ruin of the Aether Realm by the Nether Realm, and the near despoiling of the Matter Realm by the same forces in the Cataclysm War, nearly violated the One Law by tearing holes in the Dreamscape, the Ballad, and the Chaos Entities. These were fortunately filled by a new, younger, more unpredictable force that restored balance, called the Void.

The Void is a realm where Darkness emerged and made its home. It soon grew and granted Darkness magic on sentients, mainly humans who were fueled by rage at the loss of loved ones in the war. However, the agenda of the collective animosity of the dead who inhabit it, apart from vengeance at all costs against those who would destroy life wantonly for killing's sake or for a megalomaniacal desire for power, is unknown.

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Thanks to @GuiltyTiffany for the map! Capital cities for all nations are marked with black stars.

Caledorian Empire (Capital: Radiant City): The Caledorian Empire prizes bureaucratic process and scientific advancement above all else. Their civilization is powered by steam generated from burning whale oil, many of the Empire's rivers and skies are choked with pollution, and its cities are often rife with income inequality, especially for nonhumans. Yet men and women are treated equally, and the people elect a Popular Representative to the Senate.

Ananki Confederation (Capital: Fort Anankan): The Ananki Confederation is a mostly agrarian and forested nation, home to many tribes of elves, monsterfolk, and humans who flee rigid Imperial gender identity and sexual norms in favor of loving who they wish, and for now maintaining domination of its vast territory with their command of magic and dragons.

Alliance of Free States (Capital: Midvadirian Capital of Madieca): An alliance of all remaining free states. Some are ruled by elves, some by humans, and some even by monsterfolk. But all seek freedom, and have an unprecedented amount of democratic participation despite being a patchwork of kingdoms, republics, city-states, and even tribes.

Kingdom of Olsea (Capital: Olseka): The merfolk-ruled union of nearly all oceans is the largest nation. But the problem with oceans is, they don't generally create sustaining crops apart from hard to grow mermaize. So while the capital is full of glitz and glamor, most of the mer population is scattered into hunter gathering tribes, just as they always have been.

Each year is denoted as Before Caledoria (BC) or After Caledoria (AC) unless otherwise stated.

~200,000-11,000 BC- Elves (distinguished by pointy ears, long lives, and the ability to transform their physical sex at will to suit their internalized gender identity until the age of 18), other fae folk such as nymphs and faeries, modern humans, and dwarves diverge from a common ancestor in what is now the eastern continent of Orngath. Humans discover fire and stone tools, enlarging their brains, and many become connected to the Dreamscape in the process, first practicing magic and gaining psychic abilities such as being able to share thoughts with another person, especially during consensual sexual intercourse. Those who attain enlightenment become the Devaras, who are revered as gods and protect burgeoning hunter gatherer societies from monsters and natural disasters. Elves undergo a similar evolutionary path, with some who observe and admire dinosaurs evolving into the first dragonlings, able to breathe fire and fly. Dwarves go underground to avoid competition from their more magically inclined neighbors, and build the first machines and sedentary cities.
11,000 BC- The ancestors of merfolk first psychically commune with whales, and thanks to a mutation are able to grow dolphin-like tails and hold their breath for hours in order to gradually spend all their time in the water. Their legends speak of the Sea Mother who declared the need to live in harmony with all sea life. The whales, the Anchors of Emada, also supposedly reveal to them the origin of all magic, which must be guarded lest something called a One Law be violated.

10,500 BC- The Nether Realm, exhausted of resources and scarred by billions of years of war across hundreds of millions of galaxies, invades the Aether Realm. After killing all its inhabitants, the Nether sets their eyes on conquering the Matter Realm (Emada) in order to gain full control of the Dreamscape and save their nearly barren dimension once and for all. The Matter Realm is far less magically and technologically advanced than the Aether Realm was, so they expect an easy victory. However, to breach the dimensional barrier and invade the Dreamscape, they lay the groundwork for the invasion by slowly tempting humans, elves, and merfolk through psychic communication to help them create the necessary portals in return for power and safety in the new world. Some become the ancestors of vampires as draining the blood of their victims via the self-inflicted Shtragoi Curse allows them to commune with their masters, while the ancestors of werewolves are able to survive vampiric attacks with their curse and build the Wolfsbane Order to resist them.

10,000-9,990 BC- The Cataclysm War begins when the demonic forces of the Nether burst forth from the moon of Nefaris; the crater they left behind can be seen to this day. The invading army pours forth by the hundreds of billions, such that the twin suns Vitalis and Luminas are blocked out, and land with enough force to split the supercontinent of Originum into Orngath in the east, Jogadunda in the west, and Teergragia between them. This creates earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis all over the world as ocean rushes to fill the gaps. The dwarves and their magnificent mechanical cities are buried in an hour, leaving little evidence of their civilization. The few surviving women become infertile from the Hell Radiation that follows, so the men of their dead clade walking mate with elvish refugees from the surface. Over generations of mutations, their descendants become dark elves and driders.

Millions of lives are thus lost before fighting even begins, and the monstrous demons tear through helpless nations and slaughter with glee. The Dragonlings and Devaras work together to save as many sentients as possible, but are in constant retreat until the Battle of the World’s Roof, which culminates in the formation of the entire Klandethan mountain range from the hurling of what is now called the Surabamba Subcontinent across a boiling ocean into Orngath by the demons. The remaining inhabitants of Emada's surface world climb the mountains to make a final stand from thousands of feet above sea level against nearly a trillion demons and their allies. However, it is the collective rage of the souls of those killed in this cosmically horrifying war forming a protective dimension around Emada called the Void that seals the portals between Emada and the Nether Realm before the One Law can be violated. This annihilates 99% of the invading force, traps all remaining demons in Emada and grants some sentients (mostly humans), who call themselves the First Shades, the power to kill every last one so that Hell would no longer contaminate Emada. These Shades are the ancestors of all Darkness users, and work together with the Wolfsbane Order to hunt vampires as well. Thus begins the Underworld War that lasts for thousands of years in secret, until vampires are driven functionally extinct, but with heavy losses for werewolves as well.

9,000-7,000 BC- Some dragonlings evolve into dragons, with bigger wingspans along with increased size, four or six legs, and more scaly armor. 13 of these dragons remain sentient, bipedal and verbal and become Elder Dragons, who decide to tap into the power of the Void and thus the Darkness to attain near immortality and protect the world from ever being invaded by the Nether Realm again. They share the secret of such with the elves they are closely affiliated with, but the elves are largely unable to use Darkness, and do not seek to anyway due to their understanding of magic and immunity to aging after their 200th year. Still, the Elder Dragons begin to abuse this power for themselves to assert dominion over humans, merfolk, urukiforms (meaning species like orcs and goblins) and monsterfolk in the name of security.

7,000 BC-6,992 BC- After meditating to gain strength for thousands of years, the Devaras, Shades, and Wolfsbane challenge the rule of the Elder Dragons, common dragons, and dragonlings. The ensuing Draconomachy (Dragon War, sometimes also called the Devara-Dragon War) that ends the Age of Gods leads to a mass extinction of about 25% of all life on the planet's surface in just eight years, especially megafauna such as non-avian dinosaurs and woolly mammoths, most of those from an asteroid hurled at the surface by the first King Elder Dragon. 76% of dragonforms and elves are decimated and struggle to rebuild their populations, humans are reduced to 10,000 breeding pairs and face near extinction as well, and the trauma is such that humans collectively cut themselves off from the Dreamscape, and thus humans can rarely use magic without an artifact or a hereditary connection to the Darkness. Meanwhile, all but one Devara dies in the struggle. She chooses to become one with the Ballad in the hope of being reincarnated when the world needs her again.

6,000-1,000 BC- At the conclusion of the 992-year Lost Period, during which the surface returned to loose hunter-gatherer tribes and nearly all prior knowledge of history was lost apart from a few forbidden books and oral storytelling, merfolk emerge from the oceans with an advanced civilization and help reteach landwalkers farming, sailing, and other techniques and technologies in return for merfolk establishing colonies on the surface and extracting a promise from all other sentients to not overhunt fish or whales. Towards the end of this 5000 year long Age of Oceans, the first King of All Seas (later becoming the Kingdom of Olsea, the longest currently existing nation) unites all merfolk into the first global superpower, which mentors all who seek its wisdom but does not seek to subjugate.

1,000 BC-1 BC- The vengeful Elder Dragons once again attack the Free Peoples, but this time many elves who are mindful of the toll of the last war resist their temptations, combining their magical skills with Olsea's sea life based forces and humanity's siege engines, tamed war monsters, and chariots with advanced bows and arrows, giving them all the ability to contain the threat for as long as possible in the epoch known as the Age of Blood. In the process, however, most civilizations are wiped off the map with hundreds of thousands of casualties, and the natives of Teergragia all die.

It's not all grim, however, as there are periods of stalemate enforced by warding spells where there is some peace and attempts to rebuild. But in 10-1 BC, the dragons gain an incomprehensible amount of power by tapping into ley lines that are found to finally be the link feeding magic between Emada, the Dreamscape, and the Void, and come to the verge of world domination. One of the ley centers lies on the banks of the Radiant River on a small, politically insignificant island called Caledoria (Cold Land) that the dragons choose to finally attack in the waning days of 1 BC.

1 BC-0 AC- Henry the Liberator and his wife Elizabeth peacefully unite the disparate Caledorian city-states that were barely surviving apart after he gains direct access to the Dreamscape and she becomes enamored of the Darkness while they are finally able to have a rare moment alone to consummate their loveless marriage. What is often left out of history books is that it was their combined Darkness and light magic, not just his light, that reformed the Grand Coalition to converge on the King Elder Dragon's forces at Radiant Harbor at the mouth of the river and drove back the attacking elvish armies. There, the unthinkable happens- an Elder Dragon is slain, and on this spot King and Queen become the first Emperor and Empress of the Holy Empire of Caledoria. The Elder Dragons go into hiding, the nearly extinct dragonlings disavow their ancestors and also go into hiding, and elves tame the remaining common dragons to control them once and for all, while uniting as the Ananki Confederation and promising to remain peaceful under close supervision from the Coalition until it disbands ten years after the war. In reality the Elder Dragons puppeteer the Confederation Council from the shadows. This begins the Age of Balance, a time of uninterrupted peace. However, Elizabeth rejected a witch named Azariah Gilroar to be with Henry, who plots her revenge.

850 AC- The Age of Wind begins, as the desert nation called Midvadir, meaning World Central Kingdom, unites with Norduvadir and Sudavadir to the north and south respectively and becomes a commercial and seafaring powerhouse, buying nations outright and collecting riches and women who long to become part of the Sultan's harem from tributaries and allies the world over. The Midvadirians say their power comes from their Sultan, who also has a direct connection to the Dreamscape through a deity called the Allfather, something that the Caledorians take as a challenge to their claim to hereditary power over Dreamscape and Darkness. It nearly comes to war until their Crown Princess, Thorfinna Klakkrdottir, marries Prince Zaidaan el-Aziz of Midvadir in exchange for an economic and political alliance that injects much needed capital into Caledoria to research technologies dreamed of and yet unknown.

900-925 AC- All the known living descendants of Sultan el-Aziz fall mysteriously ill from symptoms similar to the Black Fever that Thorfinna died of and die on the same day in 900. This sparks a twenty-five year civil war between rival Midvadirian warlords and rebels from Norduvadir and Sudavadir called the Great Interregnum. A supposed lost descendant puts an end to the strife by defeating all other contenders in the last five years of the war.

1450 AC- The Ananki, sensing the growing sophistication of humanity, uses millions of secretly bred dragons to betray every nation in the world in a single Day of Fire. Unable to muster the land forces to hold their gains due to the low population of elves, they instead force them to become vassal states and give up most of their wealth at dragon-point, whereupon elvish leadership grows rich while pitting poor elves against other nonhumans, human citizens and slaves. The most severe punishments are inflicted on Caledoria, which is forced to become a Dependency rather than an Empire, has the majority of their women sent into slavery, and finally has nearly 90% of their island's farmland scorched and salted.

1500 AC- Science has advanced rapidly despite being banned by the Ananki, and the Clockwork Revolution drives elves away from human lands for good, primarily using two secret weapons. Witchers bred to hunt elves and other mages, and bipedal clockwork Titans powered by magical crystals called Titan Souls (which may contain the tortured souls of prisoners of war who begged for death; no one knows for sure). Caledoria becomes the New Empire of Caledoria, but never forgets what they were subjected to and incentivizes as many scientists as possible to move in, so that it can never again be threatened. The Age of Clockwork has begun.

1600 AC- Shocking the world, Caledoria emerges victorious in the Frigid War against the tribes of the northern polar lands in what will come to be called Lesser Caledoria and the powerful seafaring nation of Raeybek using Super Titans who are more resistant to the cold than humans. Most, however, are destroyed in a mysterious rapid glacial expansion that drops temperatures across the world for 50 years, known as the Cold Snap Period. Meanwhile, the eastern nation of Gudaria becomes the first territorial annexation of the Ananki in over 500 years, mainly to seize control of their innovative synthetic building materials to try to catch up to competitor nations.

Humans there attempt to resist the elvish by inventing gunpowder, which is smuggled away before the Confederation can seize it. As a result the Kingdoms of Surai and Bamba invent portable guns and rockets and unite into the Kingdom of Surabamba, one of the most powerful human nations aside from Midvadir and an important counterweight in the region against elvish influence and the rapidly diminishing underground forces of vampires and werewolves.

1632 AC- As a result of a thirty year Starving Time caused by the Cold Snap, the arrival of gunpowder munitions capable of dislodging her forces, and the help of a mysterious witch, the vampiric Queen Sita of Klandethan was overthrown in the Klandethan People’s Revolution, which lasted for a single, week-long pitched battle. It is the first ever successful revolution against a government in 132 years, especially one influenced or controlled by vampires, and has been cited as a tipping point in the shift of global power away from magical species and towards humanity. However, Klandethan itself only remains independent for three years before being invaded and conquered by the Confederacy.

1700 AC- Most nations have advanced to clockwork technology. Cannons and muskets are common worldwide. Near instantaneous communication is perfected by a series of clockwork-reinforced copper wires connected to magically enchanted feather pens in what becomes the scroll network.

But science never slows, and the process of extracting energy from whale blubber into steam with a higher energy level than normal boiled water allows for the transformation of iron into lightweight and highly durable dampfsteel, and later the means to fuel anything easily with liquefied whale oil turned into steam. Consequently, internal combustion engines, lighter than air balloons, steamboats, and primitive trains are invented. As the Age of Steam begins, Caledoria now has colonies on every continent, and the race between Caledoria and Ananka to fill in the empty lands of Teergragia, at the expense of the natives of Jogadunda as well, begins in the so-called Great Discovering.

1750 AC- Whales start to decline as they're hunted in greater numbers by steam hungry nations, and so by turns does magic. The administratively stretched Olsea Kingdom, relying on ancient technology from nearly 2,000 years ago, is slow to react. Lever action guns, massive airships, early genetic research, internal combustion processes and microscopic dampfsteel parts (replacing clockwork in large portions of the world, especially in the upgraded scroll network and associated scroll copiers) are invented. However, humanoid automatons remain programmed by clockwork due to steam’s inefficiency in computing.

Caledoria is now a true Empire, controlling a quarter of the world's surface, and becomes the first nation to ban slavery; the threat of war with their fearsome army persuades all the others to gradually end slavery, except for nonhumans such as orcs. However, Caledoria has good trade relations with all other nations, including slave-trading ones, since it needs their raw materials and in return they need Caledoria's finished goods.

1865 AC- The first autocarriages and primitive chainguns are invented, attaining faster speeds in both cases. The Confederation is the last nation to officially allow slavery, and internal debates between elves and orcs on the enslavement of the latter rile the fragile Ananki alliance. Sultan Ulerinj II of Midvadir dies after nearly 50 years of tyranny against his own people and those non-Vadirians who Midvadir governed. By the time his grandson Hanuku takes the Midvadirian throne, the navy and treasury are in shambles and Midvadir's borders have shrunken dramatically due to revolution.

Meanwhile, Empress Emily Caldwell, just seven, ascends to the Caledorian throne with her uncle Fitzpatrick as regent, while the forces her father James secretly prepared to attack Surabamba conquer the bewildered nation in just seven months in the Goliath War. It was so called because Imperial researchers unearthed and improved the old Super Titan design to create Goliaths- four legged, heavily armed mechanical beasts standing fifty feet tall and capable of transporting a hundred men- that become feared symbols of Imperial power.

This allows Caledoria to gain its only foothold on Orngath aside from Raeybek in the north, and Midvadir to become relevant again when Hanuku suggests to unite all remaining nations not affiliated with the Empire or Confederation into a loose Alliance of Free States. So begins the Superpower Period (sometimes controversially separated out from the Age of Steam into the Age of Superpowers by a few historians), wherein four factions control the world, all suspicious of one another but (despite occasional skirmishes between Caledorian whaling ships and Olsea krakens) none in an economic, political, or military position to challenge each other.

Yet.

1884-1886 AC- The first nation to resist the normal Imperial equation of economic prosperity for some at the expense of freedom for all is Surabamba, which begins the Surabamba Rebellion against Imperial occupation, secretly aided by a faction of merfolk who peacefully broke away from Olsea in 1880 and founded their own city called Sanctuary Trench where rebel leaders hide out under the ocean. Guerilla warfare initially proves successful in liberating scattered territories, but the land war against the rebels results in Imperial victory by July 1886. However, the rebel’s merfolk allies deploy their secret weapon- Sanctuary’s Kraken- to continue their harassment from beneath the waves. The colossal monster lays waste to hundreds of miles of Sura’s western coastline, until a young Imperial Army private named Alice Guthrie kills it, leaving Sanctuary Trench defenseless. On September 17th, soldiers like Alice who were conditioned into wearing heavily armored Golem diving suits join with Goliaths in an underwater attack known as Operation Trench Fall. The rebellious son of Olsea's King Meredydd, General Adamaris, leads the defenders, but is defeated in pitched battle before 10,000 innocent merfolk and other residents are massacred along with the rebels in one of the darkest acts in Imperial military history.

1886-1893 AC- Genius inventor Octavia Richards builds and flies the first heavier-than-air airplane in 1886, sparking a revolution in the transportation industry, as the UnderTram, SkyTram, and FlatTram light rail networks are built above, under, and on the ground in Radiant and elsewhere in Caledoria Island. Inspired by this, billionaire Caledorian whaling magnate Jareth Williams (whose company has contributed to the endangerment of remaining whale populations) largely funds the construction of the World Rim Railroad, which is completed by 1889 and even goes under the ocean using dampfsteel processes similar to the ones that made the Goliaths resistant to water pressure. (The result of which is massive economic growth for Olsea). Alice Guthrie makes a name for herself worldwide in late 1886 for exposing her ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth Jersey, who became a serial killer known as the Dollmaker in her absence, and becomes a renowned private detective in Radiant City by 1887. Nakia, son of Hanuku, ascends to the throne of Midvadir at the age of 25 and therefore becomes Head of the Alliance in June 1893, as Caledoria celebrates the Royal Artistic Industrial and Scientific Exposition (RAISE). Meanwhile, the Elder Dragons and their Ananki allies continue to brood...

RP Status Legend
(Caught Up/Completed): I have caught up on replies for this story, or it has been completed.

(To Be Continued): I have been given permission to (eventually) finish the story on my own. Question marks next to that mean I have not approached or heard back from the partner/s about continuing the story with or without them.

(Cannot Be Continued): Either the partner/s has/have not given permission to use their characters, or it is impossible to resume the story for some other reason.


Emada Universe Beta Timeline RPs

TBA
The Emada Universe Alpha Timeline was an ambitious project started in September 2019 to bring together an unheard-of number of RPs together in one grand, connected universe. I cannot continue the RPs in it for personal reasons, but I promise to all partners who worked so hard on this that I will wrap this story satisfactorily in a single, final written product tentatively titled The Mount of Destiny with a target release date of early 2023.

In the Shadow of the Ocean (w/ PhoenixRising82) (FxM, 1893): Detective Alice Guthrie finds love with a whaling magnate with an unusual past while solving the murder of one of his lovers. (To Be Continued)

Our Hearts Agape (w/ Cantarella) (FxF, 1893): Two young Caledorian women navigate interspecies love during a time of massive upheaval. (To Be Continued)

In the Hall of the Mountain Queen (w/ Alisa_Perne) (FxFutaF, 1886): The mysterious ruler of Mt. Klandethan hosts two unexpected arrivals. (To Be Continued)


Beasts of No Nation (Or, How to Catch a Flying Fox) (w/ Shiva the Cat) (FxM, 1892): A goblin takes up a mysterious job offer that literally lands in her lap. (Cannot Be Continued)

The Curse of Heart’s Longing (w/ Forbidden Fruit) (FxF, 1893): A chronicle detailing the last known and documented use of this terrible curse at the Battle of Vinkanaus, November 19th, 1893. (Content Warning: Non-Con) (Completed)


The Great Cascade (w/ DigitalSiren) (FxM, 1893): A human pilot makes a special delivery to a faerie in a golden city, while a dragonling gets closer to her nymph friend. (Cannot Be Continued)

A Most Peculiar Education (w/ SnakeofSeduction) (FxF, 1892): A human and a dragoness, both feeling like outcasts at a magical school, learn arcane and other arts together. (To Be Continued)

What Lies Beneath (w/ Zaval) (Preview of PM RP) (FxM, 1893): An Imperial engineer and an orc on the Confederate side are stuck in a terrifying situation during a pivotal, bloody battle of The Final War. (To Be Continued)


Non-Universe RPs

A Single Step (Journey of a Thousand Miles) (FxM): Anna Constantina Zaccaria Porphyrogenita II, Crown Princess of the Byzantine Empire, visits Japan in an alternate 1653, and soon meets a handsome prince's son. (Caught Up)
 
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The below interview was conducted by @AlluringEnigma throughout 2020 with intent to publish in her series of Blue Moon Roleplaying Files interviews of roleplayers. Thanks to her for her support while it was being conducted, as it was not always easy to be this forthcoming. It is reprinted here with her permission in its entirety and unedited so that current and future partners may understand me better.

The soft mechanical whirr of steampunk permeates the cozy library I find myself sitting in. The mish-mash of old technology and wondrous invention is a sight to behold, the oil lamp and book shelves in stark contrast to the steam-powered electric doors and the buzzing of airships above outside the window.

I’m coddling a glass of bourbon in an intricate tumbler, golden gears embedded into the glasswork at different depths. My legs are crossed in a cozy armchair, and I have a standard notebook in front of me, though my pen is an intricate little device that switches colors and nib size with the twisting of a few gears. “It’s nice to meet you, CasualVelociraptor. And I want to emphasize, that we haven’t actually met before I started doing this. You reached out to me after the first interview went live and expressed interest. So, I want to thank you for putting yourself out there. It’s no small thing.”


Having successfully invited AlluringEnigma into a mind palace based upon his fictional Radiant City, CasualVelociraptor's in-universe manifestation, a slightly scruffy man in his late 20s and standing about 5'7" sporting a tweed jacket and clockwork bifocal glasses while carrying a pocket watch and revolver, arrives from the cold and the rain of the streets. Invisible to all passersby, he watched people scurrying about their commutes in belching autocarriages and gripping magnetized rails above the city, was stepped over by gigantic Imperial walking tanks called Goliaths drooling black smoke all over the ground, and heard whispers of world changing conspiracies being plotted from the shadows on the acrid air.

Having taken a moment to absorb your question, he grins and sits across from you on a steam-powered chair that unfolds itself, with a glass of hard cider in his hand. "Thank you for taking a chance on me, Ms. Enigma, if I may call you that. As soon as I stumbled across that first interview, I was hooked. You have a way of approaching your subject and asking probing yet thoughtful questions that I found refreshing. Plus, it's unlike anything that's ever happened on this site, and this site is for trying new things, so I'm glad I put myself out there for this. Also, may I say that you're certainly braver than me in your choice of liquor? That says something about a person's sense of adventure, I think."

I take a sip of bourbon and lean back in the chair, allowing the constant hum of the city to wash over me. The skies seem to exude futurism – the cramped and decaying city the relic of the past that all those with money seem to want to forget. “Well, let’s start from the beginning. You mentioned roleplaying with nations in our preliminary talks – are you referring to Nation States? Or something I’m not aware of. Regardless, why did you start and what did you get out of it?”

His response is immediate and instinctual, a warm smile of recollection overtaking his face.

"Yes, I am talking about NationStates. I'd always been fascinated by history and politics ever since I could name all the US Presidents forwards and backwards at the age of five, so getting a copy of Jennifer Government (the book upon which the game is based) and then finding the site back in 2007 was a dream come true. After all, what budding young historian/politician wouldn't want to build their own socialist paradise, make decisions for it, and see the often funny consequences of those decisions, intended or otherwise? After a while, though, that by itself got old, and so after getting flooded with a million recruitment messages, I had my nation join a sub-page known as a region.

"Since the comment system under the region page was pretty limited at the time, a lot of people would form their own forums very much like this one for regional politics and culture. I got to roleplay first as my nation- getting into disputes or alliances with other nations, writing out events in the form of newspaper columns and stories, etc.- and then later on just as my own character, who I usually called Gustavus Adolphus Rex, after the Swedish king of the same name who was a brilliant military genius. I even ran my own small region called The Revived Roman Empire with about 300 or so members and its forum, wrote its constitution, and ran it pretty well until my parents caught me doing that instead of homework. I'll admit I deserved it because I devoted more time than I should have to the minutiae of running it, but it was an escape for me from the pressures of high school- tons of homework, clubs like Student Council and Model UN, friends, girls, so much more- and it continued to be so well into college."

I smile and fidget with the pen, fiddling with the gears to change the color to a vibrant red, before underlining a few sections. I change the color once again to a deep green, and scribble a few notes. “So, at some point, things turned to smut or we wouldn’t both be on this site. What made that switch – not everyone who roleplays ends up with the logical conclusion of writing smut.

"NationStates was actually where I first learned the joys of interweaving smut with story. I was 18 at the time, and writing my first full length novel on the forum, entitled The Hampshire Rangers,for the people of the region I was in called Hampshire. Like a lot of stories written by young teenagers- cough Eragon cough- it was a power fantasy, where I had my Gustavus Adolphus Rex character as a brainy yet buff Indiana Jones type that I totally wasn't, riding in on a T. rex or a plane or both and saving the day. To increase the sense of community investment, I also allowed anyone to make their own characters and have them participate as fellow heroes, villains, or something in between, and because of that concept and because I was a well respected Culture Minister in the Hampshirean government, I got a lot of buy-in for that. Technically that was my first created roleplay- as in, something that wasn't just me signing up for something else. As you can imagine, there was one woman who created a character that agreed to have her be my character's love interest, and well-"

He pauses a moment, looking at the ornate Midvadirian carpet under his feet and chuckling to himself.

"The story itself was squeaky clean of course, but the private messages that describe our characters' honeymoon are most...interesting. From then on, I joined roleplay forums of both the clean and NSFW variety, from various subreddits to FanFiction, House Eros, later FictionDepot, and now Blue Moon, which I feel to be the best, both in terms of feature variety and quality of partners. (Many of those arrived from FictionDepot like myself, so I might be biased.)"

I stand from the chair and walk over to the window at the end of the cozy boudoir. I lean against the bookshelf and look out over the vast expanse of city. The world seems to be eating itself when you look it at from such a high vantage point. “I’ve talked about sexuality in this series. I haven’t commented on my own – I’m bisexual. You mentioned to me using this site to explore a bi-curious side. In my own personal experience, for the longest time I just wasn’t sure about how I felt about the same gender. I wasn’t born conservative or religious – I didn’t grow up in that environment. But I spent years sort of struggling to accept that I was anything but straight. That was what other people were – not me. Tell me about your experience with it.” I pause and glance back at you, “It’s something I still grapple with to this day, so feel free to focus on whatever you think you want to talk about.”

"It seems we're looking in the same mirror, sister," CasualVelociraptor sighs after quickly downing the remainder of the hard cider. He then pours another glass with ice and nervously tosses it around. But he, after taking a few moments to find the words, finally exhales with the relief of confession. "Except I was born Catholic, and it's a tired but unfortunately true cliché by now that Catholicism- or at least, my experience with it- is very concerned with notional rules and the appearance of piety, rather than compassion and understanding. So, as I was discovering myself, even though my parents were tolerant, I was still afraid to look at certain things...and yet too curious not to look. And not to like what I saw. (I loved your previous avatar, as it reminded me of my...fondness for Raven from Teen Titans.) However, I still couldn't really put a name on it, because to name a thing would be to give it power, and would be to possibly send myself to The Bad Place if I ever thought about it.

"It's only been within the past few years that I've grown away from religion, and the past few months that I've really grappled, as you say, with my bicuriosity, by finally giving it a name. (Spellcheck keeps telling me that's not a word, and I want to shake it and shout YES IT IS!) Yet I've roleplayed MxM smut on occasion here and elsewhere, mostly in private messages rather than public facing stories long before either realization. And while I have not had any experiences with other men in real life, I did have a crush in my early teens on one male friend of mine in a sea of crushes on girls, my experience with which demonstrates another reason why it's hard for men to admit this.

"He was a popular boy, with hair down to his shoulders and the brightest smile, and wasn't my closest friend but we were pretty good acquaintances. I convinced myself that by letting my hair down in the same manner, I was merely following a trend...but then I occasionally thought of kissing him and letting him hold my head while my hands combed his hair and his lips showed me the same affection." Velociraptor gulps at that, a little embarrassed, but is also determined to continue. "A-Anyway, you get the idea. It's something fairly rare for me to feel, but intense when it does arrive."

"To this day, I've only been personally drawn towards him and one other man in my life, but in both cases I chickened out before ever admitting anything. Part of it being that I didn't want to lose any friendships, but also, whereas female sexuality from my understanding can be more fluid, there's less understanding about flexibility in male sexuality, and possibly more active disparagement. While I've never faced judgment from anyone close to me, gay men have been known to say that bi men are just straight guys wanting to get serviced and earn virtue signaling points, while some straight men consider bis to be gay and in denial, and several of my macho friends still use gay jokes. So, yeah, haven't told many people. It's a journey, one that I'm glad I am taking but also is filled with a lot of awkward silence."

I turn back from the window sill and take a seat back opposite you. I re-perch the notebook on my lap and give you a smile. “Let’s go to something a little lighter. I gesture around us “You enjoy steampunk, which is essentially a sort of melding of the old and the new. A futurism rooted in the past,” I gesture at the library. “What drew you to that genre? What kind of speaks to you about it?”

"Ah, yes, steampunk. Not a perfect subgenre of science fiction or science fantasy, especially since it's admittedly very Eurocentric...but one that I've enjoyed from the day I was gifted a copy of Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends, a real-time strategy game where you can try to conquer the world as the technologically advanced nation of Vinci, the alien-led civilization of Cuotl, and the Arabian inspired magical faction of Alin. Nowadays I simply don't have the brain for RTS games, but at the time sending in gigantic robots to fight genies was so satisfying. And as a result I got hooked on the 19th century in general and read nearly everything by HG Wells, Jules Verne, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Auguste Poirot, and in more recent literature the Mistborn and Mortal Engines series; played all the BioShock games,Dishonored, and Thief The Dark Project and consider them some of my favorites of all time; and watched and loved The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes films.

"I think what draws me to it is the idea of what could have been. The 19th century was one full of pain, death, and brutality, but it was also an era where, thanks to the development of steam engines, coal mining, and machine tools with interchangeable parts, humanity underwent the most rapid technological transformation in history up to that time. It also emerged in a period of revolution and war as democracy was implemented for the first time since ancient Greece until by the end slavery was dead and monarchies were on their last legs. And because of those technological improvements and growing quality of life, humanity doubled from one billion in 1804 to two billion by 1927. So, I can't not think- what if this battle, or that protest, or that election had gone differently? What would the world be like now? So much happened in a cosmic blink of an eye, and science was exploding in the best way possible. Who knew where things would go? Possibly Mr. Wells and Mr. Verne, but you get my point."

“What’s been your experience worldbuilding on this site? Your journal is obviously this place of intricate world-building, which is something I hardly ever engage in – it’s sort of my weakness as a writer. Walk a plebeian through what it’s like to world build with a partner on a smut site? What makes a good partner in world building and what makes a bad one – beyond the obvious of ‘well, I did all the work’?”

CasualVelociraptor gets out of his chair, stares at the skyline of the city that spawned from the roiling storm in the heart of his brain, and beams, waving towards it with a very Irish flourish of his hands, "Practice, my friend. Practice. I've been worldbuilding since I was old enough to know what dreams were. My first attempts at writing stories were...childish, as one would expect of any child's attempts at anything. But they were important starts, and I kept imagining, listening to the world around me, and writing. Now here I am. I know that's probably not a very precise answer, but explanations of one's creative process are often difficult. It's as if, once an idea for a new story takes root in my mind, it possesses it entirely; a trance, if you will, that can only be broken by committing words to a page, whether here or in what I call my "Copy Paste Bin"- a series of notes on my phone where anything can be dumped out without regard to exactness.

"As for worldbuilding on this site in particular, it's comparatively easier because I can freely borrow from stories I've been influenced by. At the macro level for any stories I've created, especially in the Emada steampunk fantasy universe that serves as what I believe to be the first 'cinematic universe' for lack of a better term that connects multiple RPs together on this site, I control all the key details of the world's history, and always defer to the other person for their stories. Some of that is practical, so that continuity is better preserved and so that the partner gets the sense that the world is very alive, and would continue at its own pace without the involvement of their characters, or mine. That also eases the burden on the other person, because the kinds of things I think about that add texture to a world- religion, politics, cuisine, dance, economics, military capability, factors for social unrest, down to granular things like the history of a single factory- are hard for many people to think about, and I do research to put together something rooted in human history yet very distinct to generally ground a setting, even one where dragons battle planes, and thus create a believable space for the characters to have adventures and grow.

"At the micro level is where the partner best comes in, in my view. I allow for plenty of brainstorming on any little details they would like to include, and details partners have suggested, such as giving elves the ability to shift their physical sex at any time, or having merfolk look like and mimic the behaviors of dolphins instead of fish, have all helped infuse the themes of each story and the wider universe with their own nuance. But the best place for any partner to contribute is with their own character or characters, and is more important than all the gadgets and cities I could ever dream up. We don't read The Iliad for the horse, but to watch and get invested in Achilles, Agamemnon, Helen, and Paris; and so it goes with roleplaying. The partner is supreme in their understanding of their own creation, and that person gets to ultimately decide how their character behaves, adding just enough unpredictability to make the story vibrant and unique. Then, like a GM in a D&D campaign (I've played that once or twice, but need to get back to it after all this is over), I have all the other characters and the world react.

"I'll be the first to admit I don't always get it right. I try to approach suggestions I make from a discussion standpoint rather than appearing to dictate, but I have been told on occasion I might be too wedded to one particular vision, which happens when I'm juggling a lot of competing ideas, and exposes me as very much used to being an author. I then try to consider the human and be more flexible in the future. I also have a very different problem- getting so caught up in trying to get every little detail right that I take forever to respond. I can only hope that any delays have been considered worth it, but I'm trying to get better at moving faster. The Book of Dreams journal has definitely helped better organize my thoughts and what my active RPs are, for instance.

"As for what makes a bad partner...generally, I haven't had bad experiences on this site, but on sites I've been on in the past, partners who I considered bad were the ones who didn't put much effort into characterization specifically once they got going, not ones who, say, tried their best when English isn't their native language. I'm not opposed to carrying a good chunk of the plotting, but if your character is a Mary Sue or Marty Stu who's good at everything and is amazing at sex and always considerate...then my interest flags, and fast."

I take a sip of bourbon and cough a little, putting the glass down next to me. I flip through a few pages of the notebook and adjust my spot in my seat. A particularly loud airship floats over, and I wait for the buzz of engines to wear down before continuing on, “You mentioned autism and your experience grappling with it. Once again, I’m left in a little bit of a gap in my personal knowledge. I’ve had a roommate with Aspergers. Beyond that, my experience is limited to these little vignettes. What I have learned from being bipolar is this – people don’t know what you’re going through. No amount of literature can encapsulate an experience.”

I pause and smile, “Which makes it ironic to talk about. But I think personal experience is the thing that imparts the most understanding. So, how would you describe your experience? What would you highlight about it?’


"You are correct, Enigma," CasualVelociraptor sighs as he cleans the dust on the port hole-like window he is staring out of. "It is hard to describe to anyone looking from the outside what dealing with a mental illness or developmental disability is like. But this is my favorite motif for explaining the struggle with Aspergers (now just called "high functioning autism" after the consolidation of various diagnoses into autism spectrum disorder in the DSM V; funny how a single change in a book has so much power to change one's identity). I'll get to that in more detail later, but on with the metaphor.

"Imagine, if you would, that you were in a sealed fishtank filled with murky water, wearing only a diving suit with a narrow porthole to see out of, a hose for air, and some headphones that allow you to hear everyone else. You feel the pressure of the water; you hear everything blasted straight into your ears and don't know how to lower the volume; the diving suit is uncomfortable. You try to say something, anything at all, but the words come out very garbled due to the water. You try to bang on the glass in frustration but everybody backs away in fear. You panic and hyperventilate and the air comes in too slowly. You try to swim, but the suit is heavy and it's hard to move your limbs. You feel stuck and want to get anyone's help, and want to know you understand and love them, but you can't figure out what to say.

"A huge misunderstanding about autism is that we must all be robots, incapable of not talking like a dictionary. Plenty of us do feel empathy, quite strongly, but again have a hard time expressing how we feel appropriately. And because of one stupid movie (Rain Man), people expect that those who are "higher functioning" to be super geniuses at something. While I had narrow special interests as a kid, and did excel at school (except for math), I don't think I have some superpower that allows me to remember historical facts well; and I resent the implication that people who are "lower functioning" must be deficient somehow. Yes, they have more limitations, but I have a family member who meets that description and he is functioning quite well in the eighth grade, with a lot of state provided assistance. And while I live very independently at present, thanks to a lot of support in early childhood, my own efforts, and my inclination towards technology, I don't believe that I'm a 'miracle' who 'overcame' autism; it's a part of me, and always will be. To believe otherwise would be too self-loathing, and I don't want to go down that road again."

I scribble a few more notes down and give a wide smile. “I enjoyed the little drabbles on your journal. I have a file on my computer that is titled ‘Flash Fiction Drabs’ where I do similar-ish work. Ironically enough, most of the stuff I write there is non-fiction. Regardless, what sort of inspired that sort of dabble into the artistic? And why share it here?”

CasualVelociraptor gives a particularly wide and toothy smile as he adds more wood to a scoop that automatically dumps it into the fireplace, before sitting back down. "Another thing we have in common!" he chuckles. "Like I mentioned earlier, my Copy Paste Bin helps me get out anything I'm feeling that wouldn't necessarily work well as a story, or even the beginnings of one. The two Drabbles you saw are prompts from a writing class I'm taking by Zoom, which has a radical approach of not allowing critique on anyone's work. It's simply a place for people to get prompts, write, listen to others' feelings, and be completely open and honest with their own. I like feedback as much as the next person, but there's something empowering about just putting one's raw, unedited perspective out there. And so, I decided to put some of the best stuff I'd done recently on there, to continue with that catharsis."

“Your account identifies you as male. However, you play female characters, at least some of the time – your last bumped RT is in the female section of requests. I’ve been around enough to know people that only roleplay with others of the gender of their characters. In my experience, it tends to be a male thing on this site.” I laugh at the notion and take a sip from my glass. I uncork the bottle of bourbon next to me and pour out a few more ounces of the precious drink.

“Anway. I have an alt account where I write from the male perspective. My question to you is this – why write from the female perspective? And, what have you sort of gleaned from that experience?


"Interestingly, after doing it for so long, my identity as a roleplayer has become so enmeshed with exploring feminine perspectives in stories- not necessarily cis female, as I've tried to write trans women as well- that I almost considered manifesting for this exercise as someone similar to Alice Guthrie, the main character of one of my biggest plot heavy RPs...but that wouldn't have been honest of me. I'm very comfortable in my personal gender identity as a cis male. So, I try to make it clear for people who care that I am in fact male, and have not gotten very many rejections based on that. I also have no preference for the gender of my partner, as long as they can offer an interesting story, and I think a lot of people feel similarly.

"I think the reason that the majority of my RPs on here star female characters is because I believe that writing is about what you want to know. I want to write a variety of characters of different backgrounds, to make for more interesting stories, and the best way to do that is to try to write with and about people of all different persuasions. A great way to do this is to watch and read more media by minorities, but research only goes so far, and it's also much easier to practice creating and giving life to different characters when you're already behind an anonymizing name, and so is the other person. I think that writing in this manner, with a particular focus on improving how I write women for years, has expanded my abilities as a writer. But it’s also helped me break free of my narrow autistic port-hole as well as the constraints of what men are supposed to feel about masculinity and femininity, and see the world more clearly.

"I also would like to say without sounding too self-sure, that while it would be more ideal for more women to be writing, and for people to realize that characters should not be defined solely by one trait, I hope that a female character I write will be well remembered, and help contribute in some small way to a more well rounded literary canon as well. Consider, for instance, how Joss Whedon created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Rob Thomas made Veronica Mars, or James Cameron made Ripley in Aliens: characters first, women second. I have a novel that I've completed recently that I feel is finally ready for submission to agents, but I always worry- am I making a complete fool of myself? Is there a chance I've bitten off more I can chew? Practicing here gives me more confidence on that front, and it appears that my partners have appreciated the women that I write, which is the most important thing."

“Let’s get a little heavier. You mentioned an experience with assault. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid experiences like that. But I know far too many people who haven’t.” I smile distantly and take a deep breath. “You can share as much as you like about the experience, however I’ll ask this as well – what is it like, emotionally? How do you wrap your head around such a negative, challenging thing like that?”

"I...it's been about a year and a half," CasualVelociraptor says, slumping back in his chair and pulling up his knees to his arms in an attempt to self calm. Then he sits up straight after his breathing evens out and says:

"December 2018. I remember it very well. I wish I didn't. I was walking by myself down a street in broad daylight, and then three very large people- all black men, probably in their mid-teens- surrounded me, shoved me back against a wall and snatched my phone out of the wallet case I was holding it in. When I stupidly gave chase to them in a rage, one of them stayed behind to bean me in the forehead with a small rock, forcing me to retreat and leaving a gash on my forehead.

"My first reaction to the assault was to downplay it. 'At least they didn't get my credit cards.' 'At least I'm getting a replacement phone.' 'This is not as bad as it could have been, so quit being upset about it.' 'You were an idiot for walking around by yourself in a 'tough' neighborhood; what did you expect?' 'You're white from a rich suburb and your attackers probably have a harder life.' While I thought I was just being logical, I think that initial response owes a lot to how American society tells us men are supposed to react to bad things happening to us- to seem tough, and confident, and never waver. But the more I pushed things down, the more I wavered until I was crying nearly every night. That was when I realized I needed to go to therapy for the first time, and that was an important moment for me. I also, and this may seem schmaltzy, realized the importance of friends and family who cared about me, opening up to them more than I had previously, and allowing yourself to feel. Even still, I avoided that whole area for a year.

"I haven't talked about it much, and I think you understand why," Casual then sighs again, resting his chin and messy beard in his hands.

“Lighter note again. You have a cat, as far as I can tell from my research. Any more animals? And has that sort of helped you through the struggles? I have a roommate with emotional support animals, and I know they’ve worked wonders for his social anxiety and PTSD.” I give a grin and add, “Personally, I don’t allow myself an animal. I can barely remember to feed myself – let alone something else.”

"Ah...one of my favorite creatures in the world. Here, kitty!" CasualVelociraptor cries, springing to his feet and conjuring an image of a tabby colored domestic shorthair cat. "She's been one of the best things to ever come out of that awful experience. I did in fact get recommended a cat as an emotional support animal by my therapist, and have had her for a year this May. She's had a hard life as a stray, and wasn't the most friendly when I approached her at first, but once other people in the rescue center backed away, she was very affectionate with me.

"It IS a lot of work, so I don't begrudge you for not taking on that responsibility," he says as he pets his cat, who purrs loudly and stretches over his lap. "And when I brought her home and she hid in a corner of my closet for the first two days, I felt a ton of anxiety because of this supposed emotional support animal. I've had to realize, as I said in one of my drabbles, that a cat is not a dog and she won't always want to snuggle with me when I need to smush her fluffy face after a long day. But when she does feel like supporting me, she's very supportive. And although I do want a dog once I have a house with a yard, having a cat here while locked down (fortunately with the ability to telework) has been a huge help for me during this stressful time.

“You'd think an introvert like me would thrive with a stay at home order, and it's definitely been more comfortable for me than for someone who needs to socialize more in person than over the Internet, but there's only so many video games or TV shows you can occupy yourself with and delivery orders you can place before you need some kitty time. Fortunately, my fluffy queen begrudgingly lets me give her pets, in exchange for food and the ability to jump on me at 3 AM."

Then CasualVelociraptor sends his cat home with a flick of his hand. "Alright, I'll let you go, fluffernutter," he jokes, knowing that his cat was starting to squirm to go exploring on her own.

I stand up from my seat and walk over to the large bookshelves nestled against the wall. I face them and smile – one of my favorite aesthetics of a room. “You’ve mentioned other things you thought were mentioning in your experience. There’s only so much preliminary research I think that should be conducted. So, what would you like to share? What about your experience would you like to impart on to others?”

CasualVelociraptor ponders the whole of his life up until this point, fidgeting with his bifocals, then comes up with something, “For something else of my experience that you may find interesting...I’ve been married for close to three years. I can’t really get into too many details because they’re not all mine to share, but everything that we’ve been through together lets me know that I picked the right teammate in life. That my gut instinct to propose to her was spot on.

“I thought she would reject me for my autism; she didn’t. I thought, surely my non belief in religion would drive her away; guess again. And lastly, not even the biggest confession I could make to her, about my sexuality, was enough. I shouldn’t be surprised- this is the woman who taught me so much of what I know about love (real, enduring love, not just go along to get along niceness), and helped me truly grow up. While our relationship isn’t perfect (for what human relationship ever is?) it’s been a privilege to be her rock and teammate too, and I will always be grateful to her for making me see myself the way she does.”

CasualVelociraptor now wipes his face with his jacket sleeve, a little overcome by emotion.

“Let’s talk about genre for a brief moment. I come from the literary world in a lot of senses – I remember one of my younger writing professors in college telling me about an older professor that I had also taken (the older one retired after the one semester I took with her.) She was an old-guard, literary editor. And the young professor I had taken a class with told me, that when she accepted the job at the university, she was scared to tell the older one that she had been published, because it was a romance novel.”

I pause and laugh “Point is this, I guess. Genre fiction is looked down on, at least in the snobbier echelons of the literary community. What would your defense of it be?”


“Like any debate, there are two sides to the argument about the worthiness of genre fiction...and a lot of assumptions,“ CasualVelociraptor muses, stroking his chin as he relishes the opportunity to answer a question that has been on his mind for some time.

“I think genre fiction isn’t blameless. It still baffles me how a trite pile of garbage that was literally Twilight fanfiction got turned into the bestselling book series Fifty Shades of Grey. I used to like James Patterson, but he’s an unoriginal charlatan who gets other authors to churn out tripe every year and practically pays them peanuts for it. And don’t even get me started on the erotic dreck flooding most ebook stores to exploit their algorithms. I purchased one of those books for a laugh and...” He shudders while recalling the memory and refuses to give the title to spare Ms. Enigma and her readers.

“But I’d like to remind anyone grandstanding from an ivory tower that some of the works of fiction considered classics were not considered as anything more than popular at the time. Most Charles Dickens books after The Pickwick Papers were serialized in his own magazine to make money, as were nearly all Sherlock Holmes stories before 1903 and The Three Musketeers in 1844. Meanwhile, some works held in high regard now may not stand the subjective test of time; for instance, for me Moby Dick was, when I last read it in high school, a bore chock full of pages about knot tying tips, while some British reviewers at the time of its publication wondered how the book’s narrator Ishmael lived to tell the tale, not knowing that the British publication omitted the epilogue. In fact, entire forms of media have been dismissed by contemporary critics in their infancy as garbage fit only for the consumption of the unwashed masses too, or causing societal decay. These include the movies, TV, comic books and most recently video games, all of which have produced widely acclaimed artistic works.

“All of this is to say that no one critic can claim to have an entirely objective and definitive view on what constitutes art, or how that art should be interpreted. English and creative writing professors can teach students how to look at the different elements of a work and help foster a discussion on possible interpretations of it, but cannot declare any one interpretation as gospel in my view. Otherwise, they risk peddling their influence to claim exclusive authority over what constitutes literature, and given that academia is largely white, male and Western dominated, that poses a number of problems.

“But even an author cannot claim full control over their own novel’s interpretation. J.R.R. Tolkien infamously got told to his face that he was wrong about The Lord of the Rings by a professor and stormed out of the lecture. While the lecturer might have been obnoxious and I don’t subscribe to Death of the Author, to claim that Lord of the Rings did not commentate upon environmental issues as Professor Tolkien did is incorrect. I do think that the author’s opinion should carry weight, especially in cases like Dr. Seuss, who was annoyed that Horton Hears a Who was turned into a pro life rallying cry; but at some point the author has to let the words speak for themselves and let their reader decide what’s true about them.”

I return to my seat and pick up the glass of bourbon. I give it an idle glance, considering its existence for a moment, before downing it entirely. “I think I’ve touched on enough. Any more, and I’d be writing a biography, not an interview. So, before we conclude things, anything you want to ask, or impart?”
 
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Contains spoilers for all Emada content after the year 1900.

The charter of one of the most unique, some would say patchwork, political systems in the world (which started with thousands of representatives from across the Empire meeting at Palaidia Hall on February 3rd, 1900, was finished on September 7th, and was ratified by the last member nation on May 5th, 1901), is a fascinating, 150-page colossus of a legal document. So I, Professor Koldak Charnatsk, will give a basic rundown of the entire Compact. And yes, you will be tested on this on your upcoming exam, so take good notes and put away those damned fernings!

The preamble declared that the vaunted Caledorian Imperial line had ended, that Emperor Henry Caldwell would eternally be the Last Emperor, and affirmed his will that Jareth should be the first Chief Steward for life. It also declared that, upon assent to the Compact by all ratifying nations, the Commonwealth would become the legal successor of the Empire for the purposes of treaty responsibilities, debts, trade, security agreements, blah blah blah.

ARTICLE I: THE CHIEF STEWARD

The Chief Steward is the living symbol of the Commonwealth and of the unity of the people, who “keeps the memory of the Emperors alive,” whatever that means, and supervises the entire tangled apparatus of government for life. Which sounds like so much fun!

The position of Deputy Chief Steward, which is consulted in all matters of state, was made open to whatever partner Jareth chose for their life. His wife, Alice Guthrie-Williams, instead asked to be appointed the first Director of the Bureau, so his mother, Queen Ianassa of Olseka, became Deputy in her place, breaking any kind of expectations about the position.

Upon the death, resignation or removal of the existing Chief Steward, the Deputy Chief Steward and one candidate each nominated by the Executive Council, High Court, Senate, and Tribunate are considered by the whole Assembly of Nations, which then elects a replacement.

The Chief Steward appoints the Vizier of the Executive Council, Supreme Judge of the High Court, Senate Chancellor, and Chief Tribune for one-year terms from three nominees submitted by each of the Chambers. They choose between only two candidates if one of them is proposed by two of the three presenting authorities: they are required to admit that one who may be proposed at the same time by the entire body. They also temporarily fill any vacancies in Chamber seats- except for the directly elected Popular Representative in the Senate- until a new Assembly election can be held.

The Chief Steward appoints 100 of the 301 Senators for six years from a list of 1000 nominees submitted by experts in the fields of science, public administration, culture, education, industry and labor. Senators appointed as such are required to be accredited experts in a field themselves.

The Chief Steward appoints the Director of the Bureau, the chief investigation, supernatural defense and espionage body of the Commonwealth, for life, and can only fire them for cause.

The Chief Steward can also summon any of the four Chambers separately or together at any time to address them on matters of state, resolve disputes, or formally dissolve them and call a new Assembly election in case of a grave failure of governance, such as dueling to the death on their floors.

The Chief Steward also:
  • Calls and presides over the Assembly of Nations, then attests to the results of every Assembly vote, or appoints a Secretary to do so in their place
  • Notarizes Assembly resolutions, Executive Council Decrees, High Court rulings, Senate laws, and Tribunate injunctions after they have been passed
  • Appoints members of the Notary Corps at their pleasure to perform local notary public functions as well as organize and register legal documents
  • Grants pardons, commutations and other reprieves for crimes against the Commonwealth (except for themselves or their associates- that was put in despite low expectations that anyone would be dumb enough to try this)
  • Awards honors, appoints Commonwealth ambassadors at their pleasure, receives foreign ones, keeps the Commonwealth Seal, and hosts a bunch of boring ceremonies and dinner parties you do not need to know for the test

ARTICLE II: THE ASSEMBLY OF NATIONS

All of the members of the national legislatures of the Commonwealth member nations, whether elected, appointed or otherwise, gather together every three years on Compact Day (the date of ratification of the Compact by the Kingdom of Sura, May 5th) in Radiant City to form the Assembly of Nations.

This Assembly then elects all Executive Councillors and Tribunes every three years, 100 of the 301 Senators every six years, and all Grand Judges of the High Court every nine years.

Because of the logistics involved, the full Assembly can only meet to do business on “off years” if it is specifically called into session by the Chief Steward. In these “off years,” it can make and ratify amendments to the Compact, hold any special elections, vote to convict and remove anyone the Tribunate impeaches, and vote to recall Tribunes.

However, the Assembly can create Committees out of subsets of its members, who can meet in Radiant at any time to discuss and draft amendments to the Compact, treaties with foreign governments, and agreements between member nations. Once finished, the drafting Committee or the Chief Steward must then call the full Assembly into session to vote on their measure. It must also create a Committee for Commonwealth Continuity that meets separately and acts as the Assembly in the event of an attack on the body.

Lastly, the Assembly is automatically called to vote on removing the Chief Steward if a majority of each of the four Chambers pass resolutions stating that they have no confidence in the Stewardship. In trials of the Chief Steward, a temporary Secretary is elected by the Assembly to preside over it.

ARTICLE III: THE CHAMBERS OF THE COMMONWEALTH GOVERNMENTAL CONGRESS

This section details the membership of the four separate Chambers who together make up the Commonwealth Governmental Congress (usually just called the Chambers individually or the Government taken together), as well as the qualifications necessary to become members in them (which you will not need to know for the test).

The Senate consists of 100 former Imperial Senators and their descendants who hold these peerages for life, 100 experts appointed by the Chief Steward for six years, 100 members elected by the Assembly for six years, and one Popular Representative elected directly by voters from the entire Commonwealth for six years. As they did in the Imperial era, the Popular Representative breaks tie votes and presides over the Senate if the Senate Chancellor is unavailable.

The Executive Council consists of the Vizier, a Deputy Vizier appointed at their pleasure, and one Minister for each of the (currently 25) Commonwealth Ministries.

Seven Tribunes are elected for each member nation; since there are seven member nations currently, this works out to 49 Tribunes. The Chief Tribune must abstain in the event the Tribunate has even membership and is tied.

The High Court consists of 12 Grand Judges and one Supreme Judge to preside over it, who can only vote to break ties.

The Senate is the national legislature for the Caledoria Island nation, making it part of the Assembly when that is convoked. This also means that the Senate exercises exclusive local governance over Caledoria Island and can unilaterally pass laws for it at any time.

The Senate can also make laws for the whole Commonwealth on:
  • Imposing taxes, duties, and tariffs to fund the Common Treasury
  • Borrowing money, but only in times of emergency, such as a war
  • Coining Commonwealth Notes and preventing counterfeiting of such
  • Admitting new member nations who wish to join the Commonwealth, and defining Commonwealth citizenship
  • Governing the World Rim Railway, RAISE, the Commonwealth Post, the Spectra Curation Administration, and other state-managed companies, and incorporating new ones
  • Procedures for incorporating private companies and establishing bankruptcy tribunals to handle bankruptcy cases
  • Managing trade between member nations, with foreign nations, with the unorganized Oceanic Tribes, and with the Elvish Preserve
  • Promotion of the arts and sciences by setting uniform educational standards, copyrighting artistic works, awarding patents, and other such acts
When drafting laws for the whole Commonwealth, the Senate must hear the opinions of the Executive Council and the Tribunate, delivered in writing or by representatives. Any bill the Senate passes can then be vetoed by the Tribunate. If 2/3rds of Senators insist on it, the bill becomes law despite the veto, unless the Tribunate appeals to the High Court. The Tribunate can only do this if it believes the proposed law would contradict the Compact or a treaty.

When meeting in the presence of the Vizier or their Deputy (who can only vote to break ties), the Executive Council can enact Executive Decrees that have legal force on the following:
  • Declaring and ending states of war
  • Punishing piracies and felonies committed on the high seas or in the air
  • Raising, commanding and deploying the Commonwealth Peacekeeping Force to quell a threat to the Commonwealth or within a member nation
  • Managing the Ministries, including creating new ones and abolishing, merging, and transferring responsibilities between existing ones
  • Hiring and firing for senior positions in the Bureau, Ministries, and the Civil Service according to merit
  • Creating and managing the Commonwealth Budget from money made available by the Senate
  • Legislating for all remaining Commonwealth territories that do not have self government
  • Enforcing the Compact, treaties, Senate laws, and High Court rulings
Executive Decrees can be drafted in secret, but must be published once finished and can be vetoed by the Tribunate. The Senate can also “pull budget” by allotting no money for the year to a Budget they disagree with, forcing a suspension of all government services until a new Budget is decreed and allotted money. The Executive Council can appeal these vetoes to the High Court, but only if blocking the Decree would excessively impede the functioning of the Government or jeopardize the security of the Commonwealth.

The Tribunate, in addition to vetoing legislation and Decrees as mentioned, can:
  • Appoint one Tribune from each national delegation as an Inquisitor (for a total of seven)
  • Request an Inquisitor to investigate any member nation government’s conduct, then impose an injunction against it if needed, after which the whole Tribunate votes to accept or repeal that injunction
  • Circumvent the normal judicial appeals process through inferior Commonwealth courts to force a case to be heard by the High Court
  • Request that a national legislature vote to recall an Assemblyperson for bribery, corruption, etc.
  • Audit, evaluate, and investigate any Commonwealth activity, including by compelling the Bureau to get involved if criminal conduct is suspected
  • Impeach any Chamber member, Minister, or Bureau agent for treason, bribery, corruption and other high crimes and misdemeanors for potential removal by the Assembly
  • Send representatives to address the Executive Council and Senate with their recommendations on any matter
  • Publish analyses, legal opinions and reports on any matter for the benefit of the Commonwealth and the people

In addition to resolving disputes between other Chambers about laws, Decrees, and vetoes, and interpreting the Compact to vacate all contradictory legal documents, the High Court can:
  • Directly decide on cases brought before it by two or more member nations or involving Commonwealth ambassadors
  • Administer the oaths of office of all Commonwealth officials, except for the Supreme Judge, who is sworn in by the Chief Steward or a duly designated Notary
  • Establish inferior courts to hear appeals from the highest courts of member nations, from which parties can then appeal to the High Court, and set the jurisdiction thereof
  • Appoint sitting Grand Judges and inferior court judges to Special Courts for specific types of cases, such as barring foreigners on suspicion of terrorism
  • Appoint the officers of the Judicial Conference, who create administrative, evidentiary and procedural rules for the court system
  • Appoint the Head Librarian of the Commonwealth Library System at their pleasure
  • Cancel pardons by the Chief Steward that violate the Compact or a treaty

ARTICLE IV: THE RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF ALL CITIZENS

This Article, which makes up the bulk of the Compact’s length, codifies broad civil rights in the former Imperial sphere that had never been formally implemented before, such as:
  • Sections 1–2 established the basic concepts of dignity, liberty, and equality for all sentient individuals.
  • Sections 3–5 reaffirmed other acknowledged individual rights from the Imperial era, such as the right to life and the prohibition of slavery and torture.
  • Sections 6–11 refer to the fundamental legality of sentient rights with specific remedies cited for their defense when violated.
  • Sections 12–17 established the rights of the individual towards the community, including freedom of movement.
  • Sections 18–21 sanctioned the so-called "Compact Liberties.” These are spiritual, public, and political freedoms, such as freedom of thought, opinion, religion and conscience, word, and peaceful association of the individual.
  • Sections 22–27 sanctioned an individual's economic, social and cultural rights, ranging from healthcare to fair trials to equal marriage rights for two consenting adults of any gender or species to freedom of publication. It upholds an expansive right to a standard of living, provides for additional accommodations in case of physical debilitation or disability, and makes special mention of care given to those in motherhood or childhood.
  • Sections 28–30 established the general means of exercising these rights, the areas in which the rights of the individual cannot be applied, the duty of the individual to society, and the prohibition of the use of rights in contravention of the purposes of the Commonwealth.
  • Section 31 reserves all remaining rights and powers not delegated to the Commonwealth to the national governments, and the people.


ARTICLE V: RATIFICATION OF THE COMPACT
This article described the process by which the Provisional Commonwealth Council was to distribute the draft Compact to be ratified by former Imperial provinces, including that nations who did not ratify it would be recognized as independent, and that any nations that ratified could not leave without the consent of 3/4ths of the Assembly.

Below are the seals of all ratifying nations, along with the dates the Compact was passed by their legislatures.

The Capitol Republic of Caledoria Island- September 15, 1900

The Burgha of Gouaht (formerly “Lesser Caledoria”)- October 3, 1900

The Free Territory of Jogadunda- October 16th, 1900

The Autonomous Province of Teergragia- November 27th, 1900

The Kingdom of Olsea- December 4th, 1900

The Federation of Raeybek- February 25th, 1901

The Kingdom of Sura- May 5th, 1901

The Kingdom of Bamba and the Republic of North Mazanca (formerly Central Teergragia) voted against the Compact and became independent nations as a result. Bamba later joined the Shadow Accord, while North Mazanca, despite the Commonwealth bordering it to the north and the Alliance of Free States member nations of Great Mazanca and Placintio Peninsula flanking it to the south and east, has refused to join any alliance.
 
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It’s a Friday night in Radiant City in 1900, and you’ve had a long day saving the world, commuting back home by airship after months exploring its wildest reaches, or even just going out on a date. What do you listen to or see when you come back home? If you’re like most people in the city at this time, you probably make sure at least ten square feet of your living room floor is clear and plug in and flip on a tiny projector-like device called a StoryCorder Color (for 300 Commonwealth Notes, or N300) to have ghostly people appear in front of you (now in color and with the ability to talk!) Or perhaps an AutoCorder 4 (N500) if you wouldn’t mind just listening to something, and/or HAD to have it sound as crisp as possible.
If you turn any Corder device on, the dial-operated gauge on the right hand side starts at 0 and goes to 10. These correspond to ten naturally occurring, globally encompassing “Bands” of Electrospectra, captured and then broadcasted by thousands of what are called Spectra stations divided by band. When the dial is turned to a Band, whatever it is currently broadcasting materializes, as if by magic, in front of you, in three ghostly dimensions. This is the predominant form of live home entertainment.

Band 0 is not a band at all, but an audio guide service of the same name, distributed on all Bands and funded by fees collected by the Commonwealth from all ten Spectra Curation Administration (SCA) licensed Band operating companies. Each Band will also devote the credits of every program at the very least to stating what’s up in the next hour.

For more details of programs and a weekly breakdown, newspapers and guide pamphlets are available for purchase at stands or shops, and can be printed at home if you have a
Scripter. This can also allow you to send written messages to friends over the Public Scroll Network, declaring how excited you are for the next episode of this one show you’ve been telling them they should see for weeks. Consider also inviting them to watch with you via the power of your voice amplified by a Ferning-Essen Booth, usually just called a Ferning or fern in common parlance.

Most of the time, these bands act more like our world’s radio and public access stations than full television stations, with programming dependent on location. This is because people are working in factories, offices or homes from 8 AM-12 PM, 1-3 PM, and then 4-7 PM, and just need to listen to a local gossip or some popular music to ease their labors.

But the Band companies themselves distribute worldwide programming at specific “telltale times”: these are the 12-1 PM lunch break, 3-4 PM
beverage or “bev” break, and aftwork time (meaning after 7 PM). As a result, stories, news discussions, plays or sporting events that would normally cost hundreds of notes to see live become more accessible, and previously hidden voices come to life. Below is what’s typically seen and heard during Friday telltales for each Band.

Slogan: “Band 1 is #1 for a reason!”

B1’s World Book of the Week with Mortimer Mills (12-1)
- the world’s largest book club, where millions simultaneously listen to discussion questions on the weekly favorite book of the most prominent book critic in Caledoria. Sometimes authors also appear to discuss their book.

The Alice Guthrie Adventures (3-4): completely fictionalized comedy-drama mysteries partially written and developed by the World’s Greatest Detective herself.

Johnny and the Magic Bunch (7-7:30): a troupe of child actors of all species and magical abilities learns to work together, and irritates tired parents at the dinner table while their kids are finally quiet.

They Did What?! (7:30-8): The weekly news trivia quiz for all ages that you can play at home.

The Forever Tour (8-9): Professor Riskin Snellenberger takes his young son on his personal airship around the world, and at each weekly stop, explains the history, culture, food and so much more.

PINNACLE Home Theater (9-10, 10:30-11:30): Your number one destination to listen to or be right amongst the audiences of many of the best Friday-night plays and operas of all genres, as well as original, full (usually very dramatic, award-winning and star-studded) plays produced by Band 1 themselves. Some popular ones, like George Achterberg’s Born of Fire and Ice, a play from 1652 about the founding of Caledoria, are broadcast yearly on the Friday after Foundation Day (January 1st). This is Band 1’s most popular program every Friday night, and leaves other Bands avoiding showing plays in that same night; instead licensing or producing plays on the 9-11:30 time slot on other days, of varying quality.

PINNACLE Stagecraft: Behind the Curtain (10-10:30): Interviews with cast and staff during the play’s intermission, as well as rehearsal bloopers.

World of Progress Presents (11:30-12): A showcase by the Invention Green theme park chain of innovative commercial products, but also new artistic techniques like “flipping pictures”.

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Band 2: 24/7 news bulletins and news summary discussions, with some prestigious history or current events-based plays.

Slogan: “Getting you 2 there, as it happens!”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: The Chief Steward Speaks (12-1)

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Band 3
: Educational plays, live classes and lectures, and scientific documentaries.

Slogan: “Think 3!”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Official 3IP* Test Prep Hour with 3 (3-4)

*Imperial Instructional Institution Placement Test. Did not change its name once the Commonwealth succeeded the Empire.

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Band 4: Broadcasts ONLY plays, epic poetry readings, songs, and other productions submitted by independent artists and companies from around the world.

Slogan: “Fortitude starts with 4.”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Under the Condemned Suns (7-8) (co-production with SudavARTS in Sudavadir)

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Band 5: Comedies, dramas, and direct-to-corder testimonials aimed at teenage audiences traumatized by the Final War.

Slogan: “Vive* with 5.”

*To be lively or brisk.

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Shelter Tales (8-9)

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Band 6
: A Band acquired by the elvish-led Non-Human Advocacy Group in 1893, carrying multilingual, multicultural, and multispecies programming since inception.

Slogan: “Culture for all.”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Legends of the Vanished Forest (7-9)

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Band 7: A nearly exclusive focus on lifestyle and unscripted programming. Usually abbreviated in marketing to B7.

Slogan: “Be yourself. 7 days a week. B7.”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Riding Life (9-10) (co-production with World Rim Railways Production Ventures)

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Band 8: Carries high-concept science fiction or fantasy plays and other absurdist or surrealist productions. Currently the only Band that airs short flipping pictures.

Slogan: “Enter the infinite possibilities!”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Uchronia (9-10)

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Band 9: Reprojects cancelled programming from other bands like Goliath Station and Harvest of the World during the day, and shows controversial original low-budget exploitation plays and talk shows full of barely veiled, usually LGBTQ sexual content after 7 PM.

Slogan: “Shhh...It’s a good night with 9.”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Blood and Wine with Lady Sita (10-11) (co-production with Mountain Queen Entertainment)

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Band X: After rebranding from Band 10 in 1897 (although it’s still said as 10), mainly showcases outdoor activities and sports, as well as content for orcs, goblins and other uruki species.

Slogan: “Live to the X-treme.”

Most Popular Friday Telltale Program: Friday Eve Pro Chargeball, Orc Division (7-10)

If you want even MORE entertainment, upgraded Band gauges can be bought for N100 and then swapped into the gauge slot of any Corder that claim to get up to “200 Bands.”

But these usually are tiny, local short-band broadcasters who do not have the capability to set up a full transmitter, instead using smaller equipment to reproject a small part of each of the Bands as they encircle the globe and go unused in a lot of cases (such as over oceans, mountains, or late at night in a particular area.) Legitimate short-band operators usually charge a subscription fee to access their original or reprojected programming and to cover the cost of licensing, and most do enough consistent business by 1900 that they can have reduced or zero advertising. However, after several prototype Corders were stolen by air pirates, it has also become very easy to make pirate short-bands that occasionally interfere with the main Bands.

And, thankfully, for when you want to watch or listen to something another time, you can buy blank Volumin cartridges, or “Vols,” that plug into all types of Corder and can store the light and sound of anything moving through the projection aperture, even with the lens cap on for the night, for up to four hours (or twelve hours of just audio). This can be from Spectra station broadcasts or from recording your own actions in front of the Corder, such as singing or playing in the backyard.

Prerecorded Vols are also available to buy and watch or listen to, usually for popular albums, plays or series. Due to there only being one cartridge slot, however, you cannot record one Spectra station and watch another at the same time, watch something live and recorded at the same time, or make a copy of a bought Vol, though technology is being developed at this time to overcome those limitations.
 

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The Devil Made Me Do It

An Essay by a Newly Queer Ex-Catholic


Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

These are the words we are taught to pray in confession. I only went twice because I was an autistic boy and preferred to read about it, to learn about it in a way that would somehow make sense. I was able to find explanations for a lot of things- including the problem of free will, answered neatly by Bruce Almighty.

But "In my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do" dogged me especially. All these new thoughts and feelings flooded my body at the same time as I was still not quite sure I had a voice, after a life where my parents and my guardians cared for me always, perhaps too much. And I thought the Bible would help me live a good life. I thought a relationship with God would help me be a good person and get to heaven. I really did. That was the ultimate goal in life according to the Bible.

And yet, there is soooo much kink that makes a young boy- of age, mind, which is when I began my rebellion- think naughty things no matter what he does, or how he's told to keep lust out of his browser history. And then, sometimes, there was a louder voice inside me. And it gasped at times to be heard when, say, a friend of my sister's had wrestled me to the ground at a little younger than that. This felt good, feeling "girly"...but I was told that it was wrong. And at the same time, I was told I was wrong by my ABA specialists. Maybe not in so many words, but every time they needed to step in, I was I'd done something wrong, that I'd made a mistake, that autism was something I'd contracted, that I needed help, that I had to have quiet hands...and into all that flooded fear of going to Hell for one wrong move. One wrong move when it came to love. When it came to being me.

Jesus Christ, can you just close Hell already? We already live in a Hell of our own making. And it feels like every week is another eternity.

But, anyway, so much of Catholicism is fucking sexy, as well? Like, was I the only one who saw that their Jesus statue model was ripped? Or how good and elating it would feel to sing Gloria in excelsis Deo or other? Or say, "Peace Be With You" to your neighbor who you maybe thought was cute? And mass was a nice way to catch up with people. Like, it was always so loving...on the surface. In the pulpit I had an old white man tell the same three damn jokes every year or a different one throw fire and brimstone, and along the aisles I had all the yelling kids and babies distracting you from trying to learn this damn sermon, while my mom just tossed me a book of Christian-themed mazes and called it a day with me. That meant God, and love, wasn't really there.

And so my eyes drifted, as they naturally do, to more interesting things. Like the murals of how Jesus suffered and died, the stories that were not taught at church like how Ruth would be friends for life (wink) with Naomi or how David so loved Jonathan- as totally a friend you guys. Or images of me holding women I cared about...or being vulnerable and sweet like them, while they held me. Perhaps even being a little like the female characters I saw on TV. And how could i not want to be like the women of my family, hm? How was that so fucking wrong? They were always so loving, so quick to rush to your aid, so quick to...speak on your behalf. Okay, that last part I'm still grappling with, because I've been told "I'm sorry you're sad" by my own mother and I don't know how to process it.

Sorry, back on track with the point of the essay. There's so much sex in the Bible for sure. Adam and Eve begat like, the entire planet? From two people! With how much incest? (The answer is yes.) Noah and his wife and um...uh...children and children's wives? Uh oh. Or Lot and his daughters, who he offered to be ravaged by the townsfolk to protect angels sent from God? Talk about favoritism! And they still wanted to ride their old man for the good of the human race. That's some sexual initiative right there. And imagine what would've happened if Lot's wife HADN'T turned to salt. She got the better end of the bargain there! Oh, the best one, how God somehow needed to make Mary go through pregnancy with a perfect child. Otherwise, everyone is fucked by virtue of being born of sinful lineage? But don't worry, loophole. I'll just make you pregnant without any sex- so in other words, imposing the work without any of the fun. Even when I was about 12 or so, I knew Mary got shafted, not literally, But in this case she never got to have fun. Oof. Guess that's a small price to pay to be chosen to survive God's protection racket of- join my church or I whack yous! (Sorry, I'm being silly. I'll try to stop doing that so much.)

On top of that, think of all the kink potential of Catholicism. How you kneel to be given absolution by this father? How many Catholic schoolgirl uniforms are ordered every year? (And how many of you are wearing them on "special occasions"? I promise I won't tell. I only went to confession twice.) How about how everything is your fault and you deserve to be punished? Or that thinking naughty things is a crime that your Sky Daddy keeps track of. But now I'm wearing skirts about one out of ten times so joke's on me. And how did I get to that point?

And then all that fun stuff that you learn came crashing down about 2002 or so, when a bunch of big ass scandals created waves of articles, that everybody informed of Catholic priests' sexual abuses, that toppled the infallibility of Catholic institutions to say what was right and what was wrong.


I think I was already disinclined to obey things just because that's how they were done before, and yet I was obedient when push came to shove to my parents because I was the autistic kid who needed to be fixed, and they were fixing me, and I was grateful that I was broken. In mass, I always had questions about why we were eating Jesus, or why people strangely behaved in certain ways to advance the plot. And then, suddenly, God would understand when we didn't show at mass to be at my sister's soccer games, so none of those questions mattered, but I still tried praying to him anyway. And when He didn't answer, all my questions were answered by others- and I didn't like what I saw. Kids who dressed differently from their gender in middle school being laughed at. Autistic kids like me shunned to the "weird kids table." The ultimate goal of every boy being to get a girl and not be gay. And once again, all my instructors. So, I wanted to disobey, to explore, to be myself, but I retreated into myself and hid everything online as I grew, because I saw the harsh penalties doled out by society- even my immediate society, that considered itself "tolerant."

And all that, combined with the anti-gay bullshit, made me eager to angrily exit out of Christianity by college in 2010 and blame everything on my implicit reliance on a God. On eating the bread they gave me that tasted like fucking nothing, but apparently was the key to understanding everything. On the idea that religious community was required to be a good person. Basically, I disobeyed in the one place I could- religion.

Which meant that it actually took an incredibly long time for anyone to answer my questions for real, with honest thought. In 2010, though, I started to be free. I started to take sociology classes that explained that gender was a construct of society. I lived on my own for a bit and thought it was the best thing ever. Then I got sick with mono, I fell in love- twice, there was a bunch of other crap, so I kinda forgot about all that, and only latched on to my current wife, who was my girlfriend throughout college.

But on specific gender teachings the Bible had been clear. Society had been clear. I thought I knew what was clear. My mother had been clear. Only two genders, and this is how they worked, and this is the one way you fall in love that's okay, or you will be punished. And yet...I kept finding new ways to feel feminine. To want to be held by other people. To try to be vulnerable, in a way that every woman in my life, every female friend who protected me, had taught me to be. Suddenly, female characters became irrepressible inside me, and I put them in custom character creators in video games too. Still, I was kinda on my own about that, and had other people, but not for these types of deep questions.

Because remember, everything I'd been told about wanting other boys sometimes, about dressing differently, about not being quiet, was that to disobey was to suffer. But man's lot in the world was to suffer anyway, so internally bearing suffering became my cross long after I disregarded the symbol of such. As for the rest...I think my gender questioning was split across so many different things, and was so subtle, that that tiny voice inside me that wanted to be a little bit different was too damn spread out to really wake me up. That is, until the pandemic rocked me with trauma old and new. I retreated into writing, and for a time a writing class, but especially writing here, to escape all that...and every time, again, female characters. I told myself it was just characters.

And then, by February of this year, 30 years of repression finally cracked wide open when I decided- why not do drag with friends? This other guy I was friends with was doing it with him and it was a fun thing to do for an hour. But then, my entire body felt like it changed somehow when I put on a dress and wig to do this. It was like I was finally giving myself permission to do everything that people said was wrong. How that's currently making me feel is what I'm still processing, but it's undeniable that repressive Catholic attitudes about sex followed me long after I abandoned the faith, and this dress was the thing that finally allowed me to have a guide. Guides, plural, meaning my friends!

I'm feeling a little too emotional to give an exact, rational conclusion here, but man, religion shaped much more than I thought!
 
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Map of the World of Journey of a Thousand Miles in 1653

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Pink: Roman Empire (aka Byzantine Empire)
Light Green: Great Khaganate (Mongols)
Yellow: Japanese Empire (1)
Dark Blue: Moghul Empire (1)
Orange: Habsburg Holdings (2)
Dark Orange: Seljuk Sultanate
Dark Green: Mamluk Sultanate (Caliphate) (3)
Purple: Songhai Empire (3)
Light Purple: Ming Dynasty
Light Brown: Inca Empire
Bright Blue: Aztec Empire
Blue Gray: Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) Confederacy
Dark Brown: Inuit Confederacy

(1) - Trade Agreement with Byzantines
(2) - England, France, Ireland also vassals
(3) - Joint Defense Treaty/Byzantine free movement
 
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