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Not replying back, rude or not?
- Thread starter Andy French
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Mae-chan
Moon
- Joined
- May 26, 2020
Not replying to messages or an ongoing rp is rude. Plain and simple.
How would you feel if , let's say you go to the streets and politely ask someone for the time or directions and they just stare at you and walk off?
Was that rude of them? Why, yes.
Now let's imagine you go and try to chat with a 'friend' you've been interacting with on a regular basis and they simply ignore you as you speak.
Is that rude of them? Absolutely.
Same goes with ignoring requests or ghosting an ongoing rp.
I think nowadays so many people take this liberty of talking to whoever online for granted and forget to treat their interlocutors as people.
They have unlimited options, so why bother with curtsy or being polite?
When you offer respect to people, you in essence also respect yourself and you hold yourself up high.
I take the time to always reply back, regardless if it's something that interests me or not.
If it doesn't interest me, I thank them for the initiative and politely decline , wishing them luck with a more suitable partner.
Do I have to drop the rp for whatever reason? I let my partner know.
Either something came up irl that's requiring my full attention, or simply the rp isn't working out.
If the rp isn't working out, I'll let them know. I'll explain why and either discuss on how to fix it or just part ways on good terms.
Is it hard to do? No.
Does it take too much time and effort? No.
Does it make you feel bad or anxious afterwards? No.
Rejection isn't hard if you're tactful and do it in a way not to deliberately hurt your partner.
Anxiety only comes when you avoid doing what you're supposed to do.
You did the right thing as a mature individual who's perfectly capable of communicating with another living person.
How would you feel if , let's say you go to the streets and politely ask someone for the time or directions and they just stare at you and walk off?
Was that rude of them? Why, yes.
Now let's imagine you go and try to chat with a 'friend' you've been interacting with on a regular basis and they simply ignore you as you speak.
Is that rude of them? Absolutely.
Same goes with ignoring requests or ghosting an ongoing rp.
I think nowadays so many people take this liberty of talking to whoever online for granted and forget to treat their interlocutors as people.
They have unlimited options, so why bother with curtsy or being polite?
When you offer respect to people, you in essence also respect yourself and you hold yourself up high.
I take the time to always reply back, regardless if it's something that interests me or not.
If it doesn't interest me, I thank them for the initiative and politely decline , wishing them luck with a more suitable partner.
Do I have to drop the rp for whatever reason? I let my partner know.
Either something came up irl that's requiring my full attention, or simply the rp isn't working out.
If the rp isn't working out, I'll let them know. I'll explain why and either discuss on how to fix it or just part ways on good terms.
Is it hard to do? No.
Does it take too much time and effort? No.
Does it make you feel bad or anxious afterwards? No.
Rejection isn't hard if you're tactful and do it in a way not to deliberately hurt your partner.
Anxiety only comes when you avoid doing what you're supposed to do.
You did the right thing as a mature individual who's perfectly capable of communicating with another living person.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
I always love to hear other people's opinions and will continue to respect yours even though I disagree with it, but I think saying things like this can be harmful. You (not "you" specifically, but the general you; i.e. referring to anyone reading) don't know what's going on with the person on the other side of the screen. It can be hard to do for some people. It can make people feel bad or anxious before, during, and/or afterward. Rejection can be difficult, and anxiety can come for any reason.
I try to stay out of things like this because I'm staff, so I say this as myself and not as staff-- so please don't take anything I'm saying as staff action or anything similar-- but I beg you to consider other peoples' perspectives a bit more. I do think that replying is the best course of action in most cases, but if it's going to actively harm someone to reject someone, then I think they're well within their rights to ignore a message and shouldn't be demonized for doing so.
Mae-chan
Moon
- Joined
- May 26, 2020
Hey Solo!
We can agree to disagree, absolutely, and I also respect your point of view and agree with most of what you mentioned. Yes, there are a plethora of cases and people with various circumstances and no one can pretend to know what reasons exist behind their actions. I can totally understand that life comes up and takes priority, that boredom kicks in. Natural things.
But we are also adults.
A lot of us are perfectly capable of communicating. (ideally we don't just communicate when it's convenient to us). Communicating ideas and visions is what we do. We roleplay, we have our way with words and expressing feelings, even if emulated in the characters we play, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
I prefer a straight forward approach for myself and I'll always communicate with my partners if there's anything that needs to be mentioned, good or bad.
While I stick to this, I don't expect everyone to do the same, still it would be appreciated if more people embraced honest communication and at least a basic degree of mutual respect.
We wouldn't be having so many threads that include "Don't ghost!" as a major request if that was the case.
But if someone was perfectly capable of hitting me up with a request, play out (in most cases) their fantasy and then just ghost midway, without expressing the slightest issue beforehand (even when asked if everything was ok) , only to appear days later in the forum searching again and completely ignoring any further messages, can that not be considered rude?
People majorly seem to complain about those cases wherever I read the topic brought up.
Cases in which people only communicate when it is convenient to them and or have demands, only to later stop being able to communicate out of the blue, when it's no longer convenient.
Absolutely, there are situations where people really do have issues and can't continue, I can totally accept and respect that, even if they don't leave a prior notice.
But more often than not people seem to tend to deal with casual ghosters who waste their time and move from one person to another just because they exploit the benefit of doubt.
We can even go ahead and say 'it's not rude, they probably had their reason', which they probably did, but if ghosting behavior affects the other party involved, then it's not cool either.
Here we take into account the feelings of the person who quits for their own reason, but what about the other party? The one that is being abandoned midway into a story that they got invested into and seemed super enjoyable up until the previous day. Even more so if the other party expressed enjoyment as well.
What about their feelings and expectations?
They could become inhibited and assume they did something wrong or drove their partner away,making them feel insecure about their writing (when in reality maybe they didn't drive the partner away. Let's assume it wasn't their fault. The lack of any feedback or communication will affect them, without a doubt.)
But anyway, I digress.
I haven't been long enough on Blue Moon, but I've seen this very often and even experienced it in previous roleplaying situations, being one of the major reasons why I quit frequenting other roleplay communities. I've also read about this issue in here through other member's posts and journals, as it seems to happen quite often.
So far I love it here and the community and staff is wonderful and really helpful! I do plan to stay for the long run, but I feel the need to throw in my two cents in because it's saddening to see it as a recurring issue and a reason for people quitting.
This topic affects two sides of parties and could go on for ever, each with lots of justified reasons for their actions. While I can agree that everyone must probably have a reason why they chose to abandon or no longer reply, I still maintain my opinion that a little more communication when possible and nothing extreme prevents it can go a long way and help maintain a healthy community. We are all here to have a good time and do what we enjoy doing in the first place.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
I'm glad I didn't come off as too harsh! Typed that before heading out to a meeting, and I'm always a bit nervous to come off as authoritative when I give my opinions in things like this. x . x;; I feel like I need a "opinions are Solo's and Solo's alone" disclaimer sometimes. xD
I think I speak much more about situations like the OP mentioned, where I took it to mean they're speaking solely of the first contact. When someone messages you for the very first time, whether about your search, or because they saw you around the site, or whatever the case may be. That's what I speak of at least on this topic-- I still do think people have the right to ignore whatever message they want for whatever reason they may have at whatever point in time that may be, but there is definitely a difference between ignoring a first message and beginning to ignore a partner you've been writing with for some time.
The only thing I tend to start to get bothered by is when people start to impose their own expectations on others, and assume that because they do something, everyone else must, or they're "rude" or "not courteous" or what-have-you. I can say "I don't ghost" until the cows come home and still get ghosted. Not everyone operates the same way and that's the beauty of sites like this, where there are people for every style and people with every preference.
Is ghosting during an existing RP "rude"? Sometimes. Does that person always have a reason? No. But I'd always rather err on the side of caution and/or positivity, and think to myself that either I said something they didn't enjoy-- which is their prerogative not to respond to, and I have plenty of partners who enjoy my writing that I would rather focus on anyway-- or there are extenuating circumstances that led to them not being able to reply. Either way, it's not really any of my business, and I won't dwell on it. Others are welcome to, sure, and everyone can have their own opinion-- but I dislike the generalization that "if you don't respond to something, you're rude and that's that, no matter what". One size doesn't fit all, not in life and not online.
I just think it's easier-- and more beneficial-- to take your own reaction into control, since that's the only thing you really can control. People have always ghosted/ignored messages. People are always going to do it. Whether they have reasons or not, it's going to happen. I personally would rather focus on the partners I do have and the people that do continue to contact me or respond to me than dwell on those who don't. If I've known them for a while, I'll shoot a quick message seeing if they're still interested.
Besides, I would also argue that the lack of a response is a response in and of itself, even if it isn't the desired response.
SaneOrder
I'm just Gentle
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
As someone who is firmly on the side of the "Its bloody rude" I do agree with you Solo that people have a right to ignore any message they want. That is after all what the freedom of expression and free will as a whole grants you. But same time it doesn't change the fact that its rude to not reply at all. If they have a right to ignore whatever message they want, we have a right to consider them rude and then proceed to ignore them right back. Because at the end of the day, it is common courtesy to respond to someone who talks to you.
It is a two way street, and I don't care what someone has going on in their life, I will treat people as they treat me not as I want to be treated. I personally expect people to treat me as I treat them in turn, because you can only receive what you put out. Very few people are willing to give more than they receive, and kudos to those charitable souls, but the rest of us are human. If you don't want to be ghosted, then don't ghost others, if you don't want to be ignored then don't ignore others. If you don't want people to be negative towards you then don't be negative towards others. When someone gives you less than you yourself are willing to put out, then return to them what they put out, because they have sent the message that is what they want to receive when they did it to you.
Being ghosted, ignores, and the like will still happen to you regardless of what you do, but the only thing you can do is be a better person and not do it yourself. Because its the only way that attitude will spread that its not alright to do those things.
A forum is another type of community, and its the community that creates the culture. Its important to decide what kind of culture you want to foster and what is considered acceptable as well as the consequences of those actions. If enough people make a point to always respond and in general be polite, it'll eventually spread and generate a more positive atmosphere as a whole, but if people freely ignore others then you generate a lazy and uninvested community. Because why spend the time to respond with more than "Hey I'm interested" when most people will ignore you? I would fully expect the majority of people who only send that general "I'm interested" line are people who have gotten used to being ignored.
As another point to consider. Being ghosted, ignored, or the like without cause will just as easily cause someone who put themselves out there less likely to do it in the future, or even cause someone to feel depressed, anxious, worried or the like that they were ignored. This is especially true for introverts who already have a hard time communicating. Everything you said about someone not wanting to respond with negative mental health issues applies both ways, save its harder to reach out to someone with a genuine interest than it is to respond to someone with disinterest.
As far as controlling your own reaction, yes this is true that is the only thing you can control. But that doesn't mean you have to continue to give someone who ignores you any of your time. Rule people who flat out ignore you as rude, use that handy ignore feature we have on this forum, and move on. If you aren't worth their time, they aren't worth your time and you've already already spent too much of it on them.
That's a point I think we can agree on, that end of the day you shouldn't dwell on it regardless of which side of the debate you're on.
On a side note here, love a good debate with someone who puts in thought to things.
It is a two way street, and I don't care what someone has going on in their life, I will treat people as they treat me not as I want to be treated. I personally expect people to treat me as I treat them in turn, because you can only receive what you put out. Very few people are willing to give more than they receive, and kudos to those charitable souls, but the rest of us are human. If you don't want to be ghosted, then don't ghost others, if you don't want to be ignored then don't ignore others. If you don't want people to be negative towards you then don't be negative towards others. When someone gives you less than you yourself are willing to put out, then return to them what they put out, because they have sent the message that is what they want to receive when they did it to you.
Being ghosted, ignores, and the like will still happen to you regardless of what you do, but the only thing you can do is be a better person and not do it yourself. Because its the only way that attitude will spread that its not alright to do those things.
A forum is another type of community, and its the community that creates the culture. Its important to decide what kind of culture you want to foster and what is considered acceptable as well as the consequences of those actions. If enough people make a point to always respond and in general be polite, it'll eventually spread and generate a more positive atmosphere as a whole, but if people freely ignore others then you generate a lazy and uninvested community. Because why spend the time to respond with more than "Hey I'm interested" when most people will ignore you? I would fully expect the majority of people who only send that general "I'm interested" line are people who have gotten used to being ignored.
As another point to consider. Being ghosted, ignored, or the like without cause will just as easily cause someone who put themselves out there less likely to do it in the future, or even cause someone to feel depressed, anxious, worried or the like that they were ignored. This is especially true for introverts who already have a hard time communicating. Everything you said about someone not wanting to respond with negative mental health issues applies both ways, save its harder to reach out to someone with a genuine interest than it is to respond to someone with disinterest.
As far as controlling your own reaction, yes this is true that is the only thing you can control. But that doesn't mean you have to continue to give someone who ignores you any of your time. Rule people who flat out ignore you as rude, use that handy ignore feature we have on this forum, and move on. If you aren't worth their time, they aren't worth your time and you've already already spent too much of it on them.
That's a point I think we can agree on, that end of the day you shouldn't dwell on it regardless of which side of the debate you're on.
On a side note here, love a good debate with someone who puts in thought to things.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
Sorry, I get carried away with this stuff because I love seeing other points of view and discussing this kind of thing, so if this is long or rambly, apologies! It's also meant as nothing more than a respectful (slight) disagreement, so I don't want anyone to take anything I say personally. Just giving my perspective! (Also, if I ever say "you", I almost always mean the general "you" unless clarified and am not directing it towards one person in particular!) If anything needs clarification or if I've stated something vaguely, I'm happy to extrapolate.
I do think a lot of that is hyperbole, to be frank.
You, personally, can consider them rude, sure. But I don't think anyone has the authority to deem what/who is and is not rude on an overall scale. Are you of the opinion that their actions towards you were rude? Sure, you can be. Are they in and of themselves a rude person? Not necessarily.
That's your prerogative, but I personally find this ruder than ignoring messages/ghosting. If you're arguing for your humanity as someone who reaches out deserving a (in your eyes) 'polite' response, then you also need to consider that the person receiving the message is also a person, not a writing machine. If you are asking them to care about how you feel being ignored, you should also attempt to care about what might be going on in their lives.
I don't think that caring more about the person behind the screen's wellbeing than my own desire for satisfaction of having my message acknowledged makes me a charitable soul and/or inhuman. "Treating others the way you want to be treated" shouldn't be performative. You shouldn't be nice to someone only in the hopes they'll be nice back. It's my personal belief that people should give with the hope of receiving, but never with the expectation.
I don't believe that people are better or worse than each other based on if they ignore a message or not.
There is literally nothing anyone can do about ghosting, and there won't ever be consequences for things like that. That's just how things work. It's not up to anyone to police if it happens. It's up to the individual to decide how they react to it. Personally, I think it's silly to dwell on someone who didn't respond to your message, or to even be bothered by it, because why should it matter? Why does it matter if they say "no, not interested" when the outcome is the exact same: the two users involved in the messages don't end up RPing together?
Consequences cannot and will not be applied for things like ignoring messages aside from the person who sent the message not messaging that user again. I would think a better way to spread positivity would be for people to accept that this is going to happen rather than letting it eat at them, but that might just be me.
By sending the message in the first place, the sender assumes this risk. The sender chose to send the message. You can say that someone who posts a Request Thread assumes the risk of people replying to it, but they do not get to choose who responds to their messages. They are only able to control their own actions, just as the sender is-- if you think someone won't respond, or if you don't feel like taking the risk, then that's on you. In a site of over 30,000 registered users, it is guaranteed that some just won't mesh, and explaining that to someone is not the onus of the recipient.
What is harder for you may be easier for another. Everyone's circumstances are unique.
Agreed with this, though I do want to reiterate that I think it's more of a personal "this person is rude" rather than an oversweeping generalization. "I think this person is rude" is very different from "this person is rude"; I am absolutely happy to agree that the first statement can be true, but I don't think the second one can be, as I don't think the concept of "rude" is completely objective.
Mae-chan
Moon
- Joined
- May 26, 2020
Oh no no, you're perfectly fine, dear. No need to worry.
My point of view was more about those established roleplays where people get ghosted out of the blue for apparently no reason. Time and ideas were invested into something and it's kind of disheartening to just see that it all falls flat and next you start getting ignored by someone who acted like a friend up until yesterday.
Taking people's feelings and potential circumstances into account is no doubt important, but our feelings are important too, especially if we know we did nothing wrong and treated our partners fairly and with respect.
This ! Very well said. It is a matter of keeping things fair. Nice and simple. Treat people like you want to be treated and treat them like they treat you.
I too love a good debate, but if I stay here much longer, my partners might start assuming that I'm deliberately ignoring their posts
Another fairly quick way to try and resolve this topic:
Is it rude to ignore messages? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Depends.
But isn't it more polite to simply reply/deny/k,thanks/bye bye?
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
Oops, this one came in while I was typing my other monster response. xD
I agree that this can be really disappointing. I would be a lot more concerned at this point, though, for the writer OOC than my personal disappointment. The message I send for something like this is more focused on "hey, are you okay?" rather than "are you going to respond to the RP?".
In some situations, maybe. Like I said, I don't think this is a "one size fits all". Do you owe politeness at every turn, even at the expense of your own comfort/mental health/personal circumstances? I would argue no. If I post that I'm selling my computer for $1000 and some chucklehead offers me $200, I'm not going to turn around and give a thoughtful response to it. They're likely to be completely ignored. Maybe to them, $200 was a fair offer-- but it sure as hell isn't what I'm looking for.
SaneOrder
I'm just Gentle
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
Debate is all about hyperbole when one talks about something in general more complex than a simple statement. You must take a policy to it logical, if exaggerated, conclusions when debating something. Because regardless someone is eventually going to take it to that level or someone will match that hyperbolic example. Its really only a matter of time really for hyperbole to become truth.
For ignoring other's situation. Well how am I to know their situation if they don't tell me? The number of people who have legitimate problems in the world are far less than the number of normal people. Unless I am to assume everyone is an injured puppy and treat them like that then I can only assume everyone is a healthy functioning adult. I'd rather do the latter than the former because I feel its better to treat others with dignity than patronize them on the assumption they might not be healthy and functioning. If someone has things in their life and you know about it that's a different story. I've got a couple rp partners with issues and I'm quite patient with them and even supportive with them because they let me know. Goodness knows I have issues myself, but I don't let that stop me from being considerate of other's feelings. You message me I'm gonna message you back. Might not do it immediately, but I will get to you.
I would call it transactional rather than performative. If everyone is nice to you no matter how you act, then you have no reason to be nice. But if your behavior effects how others treat you then you will curb your desire to be nasty because you want to be treated well.
For ignoring other's situation. Well how am I to know their situation if they don't tell me? The number of people who have legitimate problems in the world are far less than the number of normal people. Unless I am to assume everyone is an injured puppy and treat them like that then I can only assume everyone is a healthy functioning adult. I'd rather do the latter than the former because I feel its better to treat others with dignity than patronize them on the assumption they might not be healthy and functioning. If someone has things in their life and you know about it that's a different story. I've got a couple rp partners with issues and I'm quite patient with them and even supportive with them because they let me know. Goodness knows I have issues myself, but I don't let that stop me from being considerate of other's feelings. You message me I'm gonna message you back. Might not do it immediately, but I will get to you.
I would call it transactional rather than performative. If everyone is nice to you no matter how you act, then you have no reason to be nice. But if your behavior effects how others treat you then you will curb your desire to be nasty because you want to be treated well.
Yes there is nothing you can do for it, there is no consequences you can impose in a punitive means nor should there be one to be imposed by site staff.
However there are consequences, because when you do such things, people won't want to try again with you as an rp partner. And you do it to enough people you will find yourself without any rp partners at all. Just because something is not "against the rules" does not mean there are not consequences to doing such a thing. What you do to others does eventually come back round to yourself as you find you're unable to find rp partners.
I would say that without further interactions to go on, that if your only interaction with someone is one in which they were rude, then the only conclusion you can reach is that they are a rude person. And I am quite happy to leave it at that.
And I think the concept of rude is only subjective in that its based on cultural expectations. And cultural expectations are set by the community. And no matter what decisions you as a member of a community makes, there are benefits and consequences.
I am a person who is on the "Its rude to ignore others without cause" side, because I will concede and have conceded before that ignoring someone who clearly didn't read your thread is fine and dandy. The consequence is that there is pressure on people to reply to everyone, the benefit is that you will always know if there is any interest or not in rping with you, so in turn you will be more willing to read and think of thoughtful responses to request threads. But that is the sort of community I would want to help foster rather than the opposite.
Because the opposite, where its considered normal to ignore others for any reason, the benefit is obvious because there is no pressure to respond to people in any way, where you can freely choose who you want to talk to. But the consequence is that people are less willing to put in effort when contacting people because why put the effort in when you are likely to be ignored?
I'd much rather have my search threads read and responded to thoughtfully rather than to receive "Hey, I'm interested" constantly.
I do the same really, I give them about 72 hours to respond then check in, if someone's been fairly consistent up till that point I'll check in earlier than that. Or something along the lines of "Hey, did our rp get lost in your inbox there?" because that is a thing that happens with as many replies as one can get. I've had that happen to me before even.
Now this I get to argue, because somebody could put something up for sale for WAY more than its actually worth as well. If your computer is only worth $600 but you put it up for $1000, then you should be open to negotiation and haggling. Because just because you put something up for a certain amount doesn't mean its worth that amount, if you're not willing to negotiate at least then you'll be in for a very rude awakening when no one wants it.
Just as someone can advertise in a search thread for something that "costs" way more than the person who is requesting it is worth as an rp partner.
Its the purpose for discussion of ideas and negotiating them, to find a mutually satisfying "cost." If you're inflexible on your "cost" but your "value" doesn't reflect that cost, then you have no hope of finding a "buyer."
If a serious offer is made then really you should discuss it because you can be surprised. Does it mean you get disappointed sometimes? Certainly but you never know till you give it a try.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
You've made a lot of great points, and I do want to respond to them, but I don't want to be seen as being overly argumentative, so if my blunt nature ever comes across that way, feel free to let me know and we can either have this conversation privately (if you wish it to continue) or we can just completely agree to disagree!
I just like discussions like this, so I enjoy writing out responses-- but if it's ever too much, I'm totally happy to back down and leave it at that. ^_^
Maybe they don't want you to know, and that's their choice to make.
People who have problems aren't abnormal. Normal people have problems too. I would actually go further to say that the number of people who deal with actual, real-life things-- especially during a global pandemic-- that could preclude their ability to respond to a message from a stranger off the internet is far higher than those who don't.
There is a middle ground between "assuming everyone is an injured puppy" and "assuming everyone has no problems whatsoever". This is most of the basis of my point-- there is a middle ground between "people who don't respond to me are rude and that's that" and "people shouldn't take other people's feelings into consideration whatsoever".
Treating someone like you don't know their whole story and aren't assuming things about them is also treating them with dignity.
And I'm glad you're in a place to do so, but not everyone is.
How you describe it is essentially performative, and transactional also implies that there are expectations that need to be met on both sides, which isn't what social interaction is. How you act is how you act, and how they act is how they act-- you have your reasons and they have theirs, and neither of you are required to share what those reasons are.
I am nice to people because I like how being nice makes me feel. I'm not nasty to people because I don't like how being nasty to people makes me feel. That's pretty much the cut and dry of it. I don't think consideration should carry a weight or an expectation to it.
Then that's more their problem than yours, no? Not really a need to concern yourself with whether it's rude or not when their own lack of partners should do nothing to affect you.
This is a consequence that I feel outweighs the benefits. People should feel free to ignore responses if it makes them feel better to do so, regardless of what the reason is for it making them feel better. It is the onus of the sender to take that risk; the recipient is not forcing them to message them.
The recipient is not responsible for placating the sender's feelings. That is something the sender should be doing in and of themselves.
This benefit matters much more to me than any possible consequence. People should not feel pressured on sites like this in any regard.
That's a choice they're making, not something forced upon them.
A good point. I like the way you put this. However, at that point, it's the seller's problem if no one is biting, and it should be the seller that gets to make the choice whether to adjust the way they are putting themselves out there, or stop putting the item up for sale. It's not the place of the buyer to dictate how the seller presents their item, nor is it up to the buyer whether or not the seller responds to their offer. If the buyer doesn't like the way the seller acts, they should go try and buy another item from another seller.
They could think their offer is serious, whereas I (the one selling the item, therefore the one responsible for deciding the worth of the item) think it's ridiculous and not worth my time. If I don't feel it warrants discussion, that's my choice and should remain my choice, which is my overarching point.
Does it affect the seller when the computer doesn't sell? Sure, maybe. But is that or should it be something that affects the buyer? Nah.
SaneOrder
I'm just Gentle
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
Wooo, a fellow debater, I'm a debater too...a mast....no, no, we're more mature than that.
I would respond to all of that, and believe me I was crafting quite the response. BUT I kinda realized we're getting a wee bit off the original topic of this thread here at that point. So I'll cut it down to my major point.
Yes, you should have the right to ignore anyone you want for any reason. But you must keep in mind this sends a very particular message, and that message is simply "You are not worth my time or energy."
It doesn't matter what issues you have going on in your life, you decide that interaction with that person is not worth either your time or your energy when you ignore someone. You might mean it as something entirely different, but what you're actually saying is that they aren't worth your time. By not giving them your time, you are saying they are not worth your time. But not taking the energy to think and respond you are saying they are not worth your energy. The reason why that is so is meaningless because that is what you are telling them.
I find that message quite rude.
And its why I make a concerted effort to respond to everyone, because I don't want someone to take the time to approach me only for me to tell them they aren't worth my time and energy by simply ignoring them.
I view that as my transactional cost of expecting people to actually read and think about my thread when approaching me.
I would respond to all of that, and believe me I was crafting quite the response. BUT I kinda realized we're getting a wee bit off the original topic of this thread here at that point. So I'll cut it down to my major point.
Yes, you should have the right to ignore anyone you want for any reason. But you must keep in mind this sends a very particular message, and that message is simply "You are not worth my time or energy."
It doesn't matter what issues you have going on in your life, you decide that interaction with that person is not worth either your time or your energy when you ignore someone. You might mean it as something entirely different, but what you're actually saying is that they aren't worth your time. By not giving them your time, you are saying they are not worth your time. But not taking the energy to think and respond you are saying they are not worth your energy. The reason why that is so is meaningless because that is what you are telling them.
I find that message quite rude.
And its why I make a concerted effort to respond to everyone, because I don't want someone to take the time to approach me only for me to tell them they aren't worth my time and energy by simply ignoring them.
I view that as my transactional cost of expecting people to actually read and think about my thread when approaching me.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
Are we, though? xD
Nah, I jest. I definitely see where you're coming from, but to counter, I think that my major point is just that it does matter what issues someone has going on in their life. People are people first, writers second, and everyone's individual experiences are going to be different. My point that I always will stand by is that it's my place to decide how I act and how I present myself. It's not my place to decide that for others, nor is it my place to pass a one-size-fits-all judgment on anyone.
Unless people are lookin' to break the rules. Then it's Judgment Time(tm)
(Jk, obviously)
(Kind of)
SaneOrder
I'm just Gentle
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
No not really, but -Slams fists against table- damn it we can dream now can't we?
Heh, I think we're answering different parts of the core question of the thread at this point.
But I think we ran out the on topic part of what we can discuss concerning the topic for the time being.
So I'mma step back and let someone offer up another opinion on the topic.
Heh, I think we're answering different parts of the core question of the thread at this point.
But I think we ran out the on topic part of what we can discuss concerning the topic for the time being.
So I'mma step back and let someone offer up another opinion on the topic.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
'Twas a good conversation, though!
Thanks for being so cool about it! I actually really enjoyed the discussion.
- Joined
- May 30, 2020
I feel like while it is a very respectful thing to do to let someone know, I don’t necessarily think that ghosting makes someone a rude person. I guess it depends. I generally would want to let someone know, but I don’t get frustrated when people ghost me, especially when roleplaying is an outlet.
It certainly might be because I just don’t take roleplaying as seriously though. I love writing in general, but I’d never let it make me upset. Not saying that I’m above anyone who would get upset, it’s just my approach.
I feel like it might be harder for people with social anxiety to send a message than it would be for me, or at least that’s how my friend who has anxiety explains it to me. There’s also just people who are forgetful, and I can’t really get upset over that.
It certainly might be because I just don’t take roleplaying as seriously though. I love writing in general, but I’d never let it make me upset. Not saying that I’m above anyone who would get upset, it’s just my approach.
I feel like it might be harder for people with social anxiety to send a message than it would be for me, or at least that’s how my friend who has anxiety explains it to me. There’s also just people who are forgetful, and I can’t really get upset over that.
Chapman
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2019
- Location
- Ye olde Europe
As someone who has been ghosted dozens of times - rude, rude all the way. People who do that should instead force themselves to do the right thing, namely come out and let their partner know that they are quitting their role play, as well as why are they doing that. Ghosting is not only rude but also cowardly.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
You're welcome to think it's rude, but to insinuate that people who ghost are cowardly or doing the 'wrong' thing -- especially when having to force themselves to do anything -- is pretty harmful, IMO. People shouldn't force themselves to do anything. This is a hobby on the Internet; it isn't something that someone should put their own mental health before. If ghosting is what someone has to do for their own comfort, that's not something they should be outright attacked for.
Chapman
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2019
- Location
- Ye olde Europe
That is a sentiment that I could understand and get behind, except by not forcing themselves to at least a minimal explanation of their actions, those people hurt me; put my mental health at a risk, as you would put it. There is no general reason for why their good state of being is more important than mine. Therefore, ghosting is not only rude and cowardly but also selfish.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
If you let someone you barely know on an anonymous RPing website harm your mental health by not replying to you, that says a lot more about you than it does them, tbh.
But again, just my view. You’re welcome to think ghosting is rude but to outright insult people is getting a bit too involved in my book, lol.
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2017
This feels like a topic where people are never going to agree on either side. You either think it's rude or you don't. It feels like just an excuse to publicly shame those who have made that choice for themselves, at this point.
Model-20-X
Moon
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2020
Very much so!
There have been times when I've not had the emotional energy to respond to people who have for example repeatedly ignored what I've said or are blatantly not paying attention. Why should anyone put themselves through the wringer trying to figure out the polite way of saying 'your communication is really bad, so bad I can't continue talking to you'?
On the other side ghosting happens I've always hoped for the best (new high paid job! Exciting new love affair!) reasons why it happens. I fear for the worse (poor health, sudden loss of Internet access).
Chapman
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2019
- Location
- Ye olde Europe
It does not; it's annoying, but mind that I said " those people hurt me; put my mental health at a risk, as you would put it.". As you would put it. I only used the same language you do. Heck, If I wanted to, I could turn this around and say "if a simple explanation for why they do not want to or can't role play with me anymore damages their mental health then it says a lot more..." etc etc. I would do that if I wanted to "win the argument", but I do not, because winning the argument isn't my point. I am just sharing my opinion.
I guess I feel at right here because I always try my best to do right by my partners; I ask their opinions and I keep what they say in mind. This is why part of me believes that people ghosting me is "them being jerks"; because I do or at least try to do everything right and yet I get left alone without a word a lot.
Solo
it's me! hi! i'm the problem, it's me
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2019
My point is that it CAN hurt people’s mental health to have to force themselves to reply to someone they don’t enjoy speaking to. It doesn’t hurt YOURS, nor should it, but it absolutely can and has hurt theirs if they feel “forced” to reply. I and others have had people blow up on them for dropping. A friend had someone follow her from RP site to RP site until she had to change a username she’s used for 10 years. People have their reasons. And if to reply is going to harm them, I fully believe they should have the right to not do so.
- Status