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Not replying back, rude or not?

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Not at all really.

No one is owed an answer. Heck, when I was more actively searching for partners, less than a third gave me a response. If they don't answer, oh well, time to move on and see what can be found elsewhere.
 
not necessarily rude...
but is it really so hard to take a moment to just acknowledge someone with a 'no thanks'
i would reply back to you ^_^
 
Not rude at all. In some cases, there are justified reasons for not continuing contact with someone. For instance, when someone reveals themselves to be toxic or not respectful of boundaries. You shouldn't be required to interact with someone who behaves in an abusive manner.

And for those who say, "Oh, please. Is someone else typing words on the computer really that damaging?" I would posit that not getting a reply back is also not gonna kill ya.
 
wow. a lot of these replies terrified me.

I live with an abuser and it can make it really difficult to be consistent. while someone may feel like I simply glanced at their PM and didn’t bother/have the time of day/give the respect to reply, that’s actually not what’s going on. I’m usually being yelled at, was just yelled at, cleaning up messes, or trying to... y’know... handle myself. there’s ongoing violence in my household. I seek out RPs because I love story-telling collaboratively and am so inspired by the passion and interest a complete stranger can share with me when we have a common interest. I’d hate to think that people perceive my difficulties as a lack of respect or valuing their time and energy.

I know this thread is a month or so old, but it caught my eye and has relevance to my comings and goings so I wanted to voice this perspective, especially because I feel like BMR is a welcoming place. frankly, I hope it frees some of you from any feelings of judgment/disrespect/insecurity about what you have to offer. people can have way more going on than you might imagine. I would hope that a lack of response or a mid-RP disappearance has way less to do with whether or not someone respects you and way more to do with that individual person’s bandwidth. it took me many years to acknowledge to RP partners that I live with an abuser, and I’m grateful to be able to speak up for myself, but I am sure tons of people can’t do that, and I don’t think it’s fair to make assumptions on their behalf. I know the assumptions in this thread hurt me, so I’d hate to see that reinforced.

anyway, that’s my long answer to your question.
 
I try to reply to messages, though sometimes I lose track of them, or they honestly don't give me anything to reply to. Messages that come in and just say "Hey" or "Want to RP with me?" really don't warrant much of my time. Especially when replying "No thanks" and getting back a "Why not?". Suddenly I feel like I'm being inconsiderate by not engaging with the person that didn't offer me anything to go with in the first place. There's also the PM requests that I can tell are cut and paste messages sent out to a lot of female presenting accounts. Especially when I get the same copy/paste request a second or third time, I'm not responding.

Basically, I will do my best to respond to anyone that puts some effort into a PM they send me. For those that don't, meaning they didn't read when I mentioned that in my thread, you might get nothing.

And to echo FulfillYourDestiny's point, I will often read a message very quickly after it comes to me, then take hours or days to respond back. It takes time for me to think about what I want to do and then sit down and respond. I don't feel that's being disrespectful at all. Nothing about a PM on this site warrants my immediate attention, and I don't really want to roleplay with anyone that impatient. I also have a fair amount of free time by choice. I can absolutely understand those that simply don't have the mental bandwidth to keep track of and respond to every private message that comes in. As I saw mentioned above, nobody here is owed your time.
 
It is kind of Rude, and I am sure some people might have valid reasons for not. Bit it takes two seconds after your read it, to say "No Thanks" I don't need much more then that.

I guess the part that bugs me about it to is, reading there are so many people around here that want well thought out PM's for requests to right. Which is all good and great. And for me I put enough to show I looked everything over and think we might be a good fit. And might give a little something off the top of my head as to an idea. But it is because of people like this that I am not going to sit, and plot out a complete character background and idea to throw at them. Taking the time to do all of that, to not get a response in return.

I am just not going to put that kind of time into a initial request PM, and be completely ignored. And part of me has a feeling that, it is some of the people who wants others to put in all this work into an initial PM that are the ones who don't bother saying anything and just ignore.
 
I think it says a lot more about the person who doesn't receive a response than it does the person not giving one, tbh. in the end, this is a mainly-anonymous roleplaying site on the internet. it's not worth it to get so worked up about someone not replying to your message. maybe they don't like what you were offering. maybe they've seen your request thread and don't think you'd be a good match. maybe they catch on to the vibe that comes with "if you don't reply to me you're rude" and are doing it just out of principle. whatever their reasons for ignoring a message are, no one is entitled to a message and no one is entitled to an explanation. I can sometimes see the idea if you guys are friends OOC or something, but at that point I'd be more concerned about my friend than our RP. to say "it doesn't take any effort to say no not interested" is basically diminishing the person behind the screen to a writing machine, and not acknowledging that they are in fact a person. a person with feelings, reasoning, and a real life that they are not required to share with you if they don't want to.
 
I agree with all the wonderful statements above about thinking of the real person behind the screen, and I'd like to add a point about the logical shortcoming of getting annoyed with non-repliers. Most of the complaints seem to be about a situation where someone is reaching out with a detailed and well-thought out response to a request thread, which everyone knows take time and effort. However, it is the responsibility of the person sending the message to calculate the risk of a non-reply. It's common knowledge that people do this. Most of the time you probably will get a reply, so the odds are in your favour for a positive outcome, and nothing bad will happen to you if you don't send a message. A lot of request threads give a good insight into someone's character and whether or not they're a flight risk. If you still go for it, that decision is yours and yours alone. And if you do get ignored? There are so many amazing writers on this site! Keep your head up, there'll be plenty you can have a blast with!
 
It just comes down to the whole thing where the majority of people on here tend to follow a set of unwritten rules, like don't just stop replying to someone if you don't want to write with them anymore. Be nice to people, and such stuff like that. I think it is rude when yeah someone can't take two seconds to say no thanks. In no way am I asking them to stop right now, at this moment while their grandma is dying, and reply to me. That is not what I am saying at all. When anyone PM's me, I will always send something back just to let them know. That is just a nice thing to do. I am a nice person, so I like doing stuff like that. If they get out of hand, then I can become a not so nice person to. But that is a rare thing.

It is just like I will tell a person I would rather not write anymore with them rather then just stop replying. It is hard, but I do it because I am a grown up and it is the nice thing to do. Instead of leaving someone out there hanging feeling like crap. The fact is, letting someone know you are not interested in PM or Story. It just being nice. The fact that everyone takes it to the point of when someone calls it a bit rude. Is all of a sudden that they are demanding a a reply, and that they don't think of others or their situations. Which is so wrong, and I don't I have seen someone actually say they feel they are owed one or are demanding one from someone. It just seems the people of the different opinion on this, that thing we are like that. Which is come on really?

You know what I do? I move on, plain and simple. Doesn't mean it doesn't bother me just a little bit, but I move on from it. It is ok to be a little bothered by something, just as long as you don't act out or be a jerk about it. But of course difference of opinion means I'm a bad person because you think so. That tends to be how the whole online thing goes.
 
Right which is not what is happening here, here is it people giving their opinion on how they feel about it. Which is what was asked. What seems to be happening here though, is anyone that does say they think it is rude but doesn't act like a jerk about it that is just sharing their feelings on it. It feels like they are getting attacked. Rather then you just sharing your opinion on the people doing the ignoring are not rude.

We should be sharing opinions on the question, not putting each other down or judging others because they share a different opinion. But I do forget that is how the way the world works now a days.
 
I treat conversations, whether it's just a normal chat or plotting or an actual play, just the same as I would treat people in real life.

If there is anyone here who doesn't think it's rude to completely and utterly ignore someone who you meet face to face and who asks you a question, I'd serious doubt those people.

No matter how much we all hide behind a username, none of us are (ro)bots, there's real people sitting (or lying, walking, standing, whatever it is you do) behind the various sizes of screens. So why is it not rude here, when it is rude in real life?
 
But it is real life, the writing isn't but the way you treat people is. In general people still should be treating people online the way they want to be treated. If you don't then social interaction fails greatly for everyone. And what is the point of putting up a Request Thread if they don't want people to PM them about interest? I see if people were just randomly PMing them with stuff that they have no interest in. That is one thing, I know that pain and it is extremely frustrating. But to punish people with actual interest in what they want to do, who actually read their request thread and is now throwing their ideas over to you. To not at least say I hear you but no thanks. That is in all actuality real world or not, Rude.

But again we are in a world of rudeness and people getting butt hurt because we accidentally bumped into your safe space. I am to old for this, and the whole conversation is getting stupid at this point. People are going to give their opinions, and then someone is going to come and tell them they are wrong for feeling that way because of things. Nothing constructive is coming out of this at this point.
 
The thing is, in real life, if you approach me while I am on my computer typing up a work report, and ask me to have a serious, in depth conversation, you would be the rude one. If I am watching my kid play at the park, we might have a short, casual conversation, but if you insisted on a drawn out conversation, you'd be the rude one. If I am on the subway, with headphones on, and you tried to get me to take them out to talk to you, you are being rude. Even if I give you my phone number, if you called while I was at work or eating dinner, and got mad because I didn't answer, you'd be the rude one. In real life there are plenty of times it is completely justified to brush off or ignore an interaction.

Is it easier to do online? Yes, because an email (which is most analogous to a PM) is a different communication method than a conversation. Instead of viewing an ignored pm as a "punishment" or a slight against you, understand that's it's more about that individual's inability to respond, for whatever reason.
 
I don't agree with those analogies. RTs are specifically asking strangers to talk to you. If someone gets upset that you don't respond in 10 minutes, that's a bad on their side, but that's not what this conversation is about.

It's more like standing on the sidewalk with a sign that says "Please talk to me about something interesting." Someone approaches and offers a topic, and you ignore them instead of saying, "Oh, no thanks. I'm not interested in that topic." That's not realistic, though. So, I actually think of it like being at a party. You have something in common with everyone there (even if it's just knowing the host). Someone approaches you and introduces themselves, then you just look 'through' them or turn around. Still not perfect, but a better analogy than being bugged while you're at your desk working by someone you didn't ask to talk to you.

Seriously. An RT is literally asking strangers to engage with you. I said my piece on manners forever ago, but let's keep the the continuing debate intellectually honest.
 
I could quote each of the five respondents after my post and pick your posts apart. But I'm not going to, for you are all missing the point. When I put the word *I* in my post, it is my opinion. It is how I think how I have been taught manners by my parents, how I grew up. How I started roleplaying 28 years ago.

If you cannot, for whatever reason, be yourself online the way you are offline, I rest my case. I am the same, exactly the same. I am WYSIWYG. The closest to what I tried to say, in understanding is @Cassandraks. But this isn't a competition on who's wrong or right. We all have our opinions. Fact remains, if I (me, the person behind my screen, meets you (the person behind your screen) in a bar. In a real life bar, and if I ask you a question, would you completely ignore me and walk without an answer. And you think by doing that, it's normal?
 
Rude.

Improving an RP request or post can't happen if there's really no feedback. If you can't respond in-thread, then in PMs, or IMs, or email.

Now, I've done this a few times and I'm trying to get better(keyword, trying...), but when I send out a request, just let me know if it's bad or good...don't leave me hanging. It's really diminishing on my confidence to just go silent like that, you know? Especially when I put out a two-paragraph request. It's just so frustrating and saddening to me... Just let me know, gimme some feedback. Not too much to ask, I say.
 
I think it comes down to what sort of message you’re ignoring.

If someone approaches me in RL and they’re considerate but not my type? I let them down.

If some dude is cat calling? I just keep walking

If a cute girl whistles at me in a club? I might go over.

Messages about potential roleplays are no different. Maybe your scene isn’t what they want and your the 10th guy to ask- or you posted something offensive that they saw earlier- or they aren’t into your gender.

Making yourself available for some social interactions doesn’t mean that you have to validate ALL interactions. However ghosting mid roleplay is rude.
 
I feel it depends on the nature of the message.

If someone hypothetically took the time to write out a few paragraphs, or I felt there was a degree of passion/enthusiasm to their message then I'll likely hit them back. Since, well, they put effort in.

If someone hypothetically were to just send me a line with very little information, and their first message to me mutilates the abstract concept of language, then I don't really feel any motivation to reply since they seemed to have no motivation to give a good introduction.

But take it with a grain of salt from me. I don't really bother chasing people down and don't expect them to chase me either.
 
Usually yes, but it is what it is.

What is even more rude though is when someone agrees to a roleplay and blocks you without any explanation whatsoever.
 
I don't think it's rude at all, but I can only speak from my own experiences. If I put time and effort into a long request through PMs, and all I get back is a 'No Thanks'? I could take the priviliged high-ground then, and consider that rude, for not even taking the time to elaborately sit down and think of how to convey their lack of interest? I wouldn't, obviously, since that is completely ridiculas. And, I honestly feel like it is, as well, to think we're owed an answer. We're all here to have a good time, and not all of us has a ton of time on our hands, some dropping by just to check on posts, both ic and ooc. On some of those days, I've let half-assed requests slip through the cracks, and thought nothing of it, just like many of my own requests has also been ignored.

None of us can have a good time, all of the time, if we always had the needless fear, of what other players here might think. Feeling sorry for a request, not answered, on either side of the case, is just not worth anyone's time, in my opinion. When I've been ignored, I've largely just moved on, happy with the good partners that did write back, and when I've ignored others, I am sure they've done the same. And, well, if not? Sorry about that, it was nothing personal. ^^
 
On the one hand, rejecting people can be anxiety provoking... On the other hand, being ghosted is also anxiety provoking. If you're in a good mental space and you're not busy, rejecting someone is the mature thing to do, as it makes the site a better place for everyone. If you're anxious about the lashback, then it's fair enough not to reject them. I'd love to say that it's always rude, because it really does hurt my feelings, but I can't say that and not have dove too deep into my own biases to see clearly.
 
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