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Not replying back, rude or not?

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Andy French

Andy French

G-Spot who rocks the G-Spot
Banished
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Just a simple question of opinion,

If you send someone a PM asking if they are interested in an RP or not, do you think it's rude if they look at the message and can't be bothered to even give back a simple "Not interested"?

Or am I just overly sensetive to being snubbed?
 
Depends, if someone asks me if I'm interested in something and I can tell they only read a few sentences or just the title of my request thread and nothing else, I won't reply back. If someone can't take the time to see if we would mesh well by at least reading all the way through my request thread, I won't take the time to respond to a message. If they at least tell me they didn't read it all and are up front I'll give em a shot.
 
I'm on your side, Andy, but then to answer batman I always read the full thread, I even look for the 'hidden color' or no answer if no picture etc. type traps that people love and about 40% of the time I don't get anything back.

I also feel like I'm being snubbed, to the point where I considered asking for people to write longer replies with me in threads because my theory was that people can only see my short rapid fire public posts and are turned off by that when most of my longer more in depth posts are in PM's.

Then I realised that if I was spending time worrying about social opinions at my age it likely was just my insecurity talking and I needed to get over myself and just enjoy my games I have. If people aren't willing to give me a shot it's their problem...not sure if that helps Andy at all...but yes....rude. Especially if I can see they read it :p
 
I've been roleplaying for more than 25 years, but it really is a thing of very recent to not reply to either a PM, or stopping an ongoing play totally out of the blue.

I find it incredibly rude, and basically beyond belief that if one reads the PM, and in my case they are *all* PMs based on a female RT, to not have the decency to write something back. Since I don't have a RT out here, I make as much of an effort as possible, to give potential plotting a chance. There is very little I can do about, naming and shaming those people would cause incredible problems with staff and site, but I have dabbled with keeping some sort of score-line in my signature. Not naming anyone, but counting how many don't reply.

Not every person is a match to my writing, which is all good, I always have a couple of plays ongoing, but at least a 'sorry, not interested', would show character and decency.
 
I've been using forums for only 2-3 years, so a lot less than most writers here, but I do have some experience with writers obviously not having read my thread or they've just skimmed through it. I've even gotten messages that just seemed like they copy-pasted them and that they probably sent this same message to other people and now are waiting for someone to bite. I usually do my best to reply to every message, but when the person clearly hasn't put in the effort, I get put off that they think they can gain my interest with just a simple copy and paste. I myself try to offer ideas and take time to properly write a message when I'm contacting someone so I expect the same from other people.
 
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I would say it is always best to say at least if you don't have the bandwidth for that roleplay or not interested. I've have people come back 3 weeks after I reached out to asked them to roleplay and they don't respond to I find other partners and THEN they circle back saying they do what to roleplay.
 
soulofthunder said:
I would say it is always best to say at least if you don't have the bandwidth for that roleplay or not interested. I've have people come back 3 weeks after I reached out to asked them to roleplay and they don't respond to I find other partners and THEN they circle back saying they do what to roleplay.
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Okay, but if they didn't prioritize getting back to you in a timely manner, why would you want to rp with them? Seems like you dodged a bullet there.
 
Filthy Plaything said:
Okay, but if they didn't prioritize getting back to you in a timely manner, why would you want to rp with them? Seems like you dodged a bullet there.
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true enough but sometimes you end up in the situation where they will playing a pairing you've been gunning for.

you win some you loose some. but over all i would rather be told upfront by someone "i can't plot a roleplay right now, can i reach out in 2 weeks?" or "i am not interested in that at this time"
 
Frankly, it doesn't bother me in the least. Not getting replies back, having roleplays evaporate into thin air for seemingly no reason, I've had both happen on more than one occasion. But neither really bother me. Sometimes people get busy and life takes over, sometimes they just lose interest, or heck, they might even suddenly feel that I'm not that great a partner to roleplay with as they might have initially thought.

Whatever the reason is though, I've always adopted the thinking that the other person's business/reasons are theirs, and theirs alone. If they feel like sending me a message telling me why they aren't interested or why they had to drop a roleplay, okay. If not, okay. I've never felt it to be my place to pry for an explanation, since at the end of the day I'm just as much a stranger to my writing partner as they are to me. Neither of us actually owe the other anything.

Those are just my thoughts though.
 
I find it extremely rude, to be honest. It seems that a lot of threads out there are meant to serve only as an ego stroker.

I guess, in the age of the internet, common courtesy has died.
 
After about 9ish months, I still haven't gotten fully comfortable with throwing out ads and responding to random people I don't know. I still yearn for the days of big group chat games and pairing off for side-scenes with players I get to know before engaging deeply on our own. This Craigslist Personals-style thing has caused me so much disappointment and frustration, sometimes it was more than the enjoyment I got from the bit of RP I found. When I started, I approached these types of forums the way I approach online dating. I don't owe anyone attention until I make a commitment to. I also saw that a lot of people post about bad experiences when declining cold calls. I've yet to have that experience on RP sites, but I've had plenty of hostile replies to my polite declines on dating sites. I don't like rejection, and I have enough self control to not keep checking if someone read my PM, here and elsewhere. Social rejection triggers the same neurotransmitters as physical pain, so even if someone is in control of their reaction, it still does hurt. So, as to Do Unto Others, I just don't reply on dating sites, and that's how I started my foray on RP forums.

Though, with all the ghosting and breaking of agreements I've been put through, I've grown to err on the side of caution with consideration on RP sites. I don't see it as the same as online dating, now. Maybe I'll change my perspective if I get a stream shrieking rejectees, but it hasn't happened, yet.

The mindset that I've grown into is that when someone asks me to use their code words and type out quite a bit of a proposal, then I do that, I feel like they can spare 10 seconds to reply "Sorry, not what I'm looking for" after I spend 20 minutes meeting their criteria. I know not everyone is like me, but I don't feel like answering an ad puts me in an inferior position. I'm not begging, and they may still not be what I want after chatting more deeply. I've ended up ending a chat with someone that I responded to once I learned more than they'd put in their ad. But I still thank them for their time. I appreciate the acknowledgement of my time and reciprocate to others, now.

My mother taught etiquette, so I have higher standards than what online culture has unfortunately evolved into. Over time I've shifted to feeling like acknowledging someone's time and effort is more considerate than ignoring them, even at the risk of hurt feelings.
 
Iridescence said:
Frankly, it doesn't bother me in the least. Not getting replies back, having roleplays evaporate into thin air for seemingly no reason, I've had both happen on more than one occasion. But neither really bother me. Sometimes people get busy and life takes over, sometimes they just lose interest, or heck, they might even suddenly feel that I'm not that great a partner to roleplay with as they might have initially thought.

Whatever the reason is though, I've always adopted the thinking that the other person's business/reasons are theirs, and theirs alone. If they feel like sending me a message telling me why they aren't interested or why they had to drop a roleplay, okay. If not, okay. I've never felt it to be my place to pry for an explanation, since at the end of the day I'm just as much a stranger to my writing partner as they are to me. Neither of us actually owe the other anything.

Those are just my thoughts though.
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Same here. I've been ghosted and while it isn't the best feeling, you can't do much about it. Of course it feels better when that person talks to you instead of disappearing, but you can't really control how other people behave.

I agree with you that it's their choice whether to explain themselves or not, no matter how rude one might think it is, they don't own you an explanation. c:
 
Is not responding kinda rude? Yeah sure. Are you being overly sensitive? Also yes. If you're polite only because you want other people to act in the same way, it's just performative. Be polite because it's the right way to be and don't worry about the fact that others are rude. You can't control them and you don't know their situation even slightly, they're a name on your screen.

You'll get more by focusing on your positive experiences over looking for plaintive catharsis, either way.
 
I do think it's rude over all. They may have their reasons but it doesn't take much to type back "Not interested" either..
 
Nah, I don't think people owe you a response just because you messaged them, and I don't think it's rude if they don't want to deal with playing personality roulette.
 
Eh, I've neglected to reply before. Usually when it's a random message asking for something that's nowhere in my interests. Sometimes I'll be bored enough I'll message back to call someone out on clearly not reading my thread.

Rude? Maybe. But it's the person's choice. I've had people not reply to me, and I didn't get too upset over it, if at all. Life moves on, there's plenty more people to write with.
 
Rude, imho. Even saying: "Not interested, sorry." Saves a lot of time.
 
I find if to be incredibly rude and it feels like I'm being snubbed. Why bother posting a request thread if you can't be bothered to respond to requests, especially when the request is polite and detailed?

It's really not that hard to take twenty seconds to respond back with "sorry, not interested" rather than leave the person hanging. It comes down to a simple matter of courtesy, manners, and politeness which are sadly in rapid decline these days.

I could maybe understand if the person was rude and clearly did not bother to read your thread by asking for something you're not interested in or that's one of your limits (that's happened to me more than once), but if they're polite then there's absolutely no reason not to reply back.

What's even worse is when you begin chatting and plotting a story out with someone and then they suddenly ghost and stop replying back. I hate that more than I hate not getting a reply back from the initial request. False hope like that is just plain cruel.
 
What circumstances are we talking about here? Because as far as I can tell from the OP this isn't about ghosting in the traditional sense, were you already have a rapport with someone and they stop communication. This is rude and I'll admit I have been guilty of it in the past. It sucks, but c'est la vie.

If you sent a message to them being excited about a plot of theirs or you see both of you share a lot of common interests and you have an idea you want to run by them, only to be met by silence... that really sucks. It's rude to not respond to these messages. Even a simple no thank you not interested will do.

Do I feel bad about ignoring people who reach out to me with a cookie cutter message though? No. Do I feel bad when I delete spam from my email account? It's the same thing. Sending me a message that says hey wanna rp? and nothing else doesn't show any of the initiative that someone who initiates a dialogue should have. It gives me nothing more than a fishing hook without a morsel on it. Come back and try again when you have something a little more concrete.

If you go to anyone's inbox and have a genuine interest in RP with the person, the least you can do is strike up more of a conversation. Not doing so is even ruder in my book and I don't think it is wrong to ignore it.
 
I try to reply to every single message I get. I do sometimes get irritated by having to send so many no's to people. And its not really that I am picky as hell or anything. I just typically make it clear what I am not into and so many people obviously do not read my threads, because they still ask for it.
 
If nothing else, it's a good way of telling the dopamine junkies from the real roleplayers.
 
Taelir said:
Is not responding kinda rude? Yeah sure. Are you being overly sensitive? Also yes. If you're polite only because you want other people to act in the same way, it's just performative. Be polite because it's the right way to be and don't worry about the fact that others are rude. You can't control them and you don't know their situation even slightly, they're a name on your screen.

You'll get more by focusing on your positive experiences over looking for plaintive catharsis, either way.
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Well said. This is the best advice anyone will ever get here.
 
Some people just send a message to a partner because they want the rush of it even if they have nothing in common.

I personally find it rude if they pressure someone into responding and then don't respond back but I'm not losing any sleep by it
 
No, not really. It depends on the message. If people send me a message that seems like they generally want to roleplay, whether I am interested or not, I will message them back. That's also, if they even give me time to do so instead of leaving the message two minutes after sending it.
I will ignore messages that are just:
"Hey, I saw you online. Let's roleplay! My kinks are."
"RP?"
Nope.
 
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