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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

-loves back on DA-

I really wish I had the funds to invest in a portable dishwasher right now. I really fucking hate doing dishes. I don't care if there are like 6 dishes. Fuck 'em.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

*nods* I went a really long stretch without one after I finished grad school and fully moved out, though I also didn't have one while away at college at my apartment there.... and it suuuuuuuuucked! So yeah, I know how it is. =( *more hugs* Don't worry. You'll get one eventually... it just takes time. Just think of how awesome it'll be once you get it! It can be a goal to strive toward. :)
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I think your solution is to get yourself someone to do dishes for you. -Nod-
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I try to think of how I should word things but I can't poetically relay some of my emotions. Rawness is different for it can be free form but sometimes I don't even know how to put what I'm feeling and try to explain how I mean what I've said without sometimes truly understanding what is stated myself: as if the rawness escaped cataclysmicly. Sometimes I get tired of a lot of things. Make an effort as I'm done. If I have to chase then what is there? Maybe I'm being selfish but we all are, right? Make an effort. I've made plenty.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Fluctuating schedules are the reasons why people are violent.

Because I had a day off, I scheduled training...guess what my schedule manager did? Scheduled me to work the next three days after that and the two days before my training. I don't get a day off for six days. My training is from 9am-3pm and my shift ends at 10pm the night before. Yeah, such a fucking happy camper.

Yeah, I'm gonna be a cranky bitch mess until my day off. At least, because I'm working on Sunday at an ungodly hour [8am-330pm] I get time and a half. That's basically the only silver lining.

I hate working part time and with a fluctuating schedule because now, I have to take on hours that people need covered because otherwise, I don't make enough money.

I'm gonna see about getting hired full time so I can have the minimum of 30 hours a week so I don't have to do this shit anymore and have legit days off without worrying about extra shifts because I'm broke.

I would honestly love to work four days of 7.5 hour shifts. That would be heaven. Because randomly working a 4 hour shift and then a 9.5 hour shift is too goddamn brutal on my body.

Ugh. Just gotta suck it up and deal. Honestly, if I could, I would give this job up and do something I love doing but since I don't have many options [but plan on looking for another job once I have some time to THINK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN WORK CRAP] I have to stick around and tough it up and just do what I gotta do to survive.

I took my old job for granted. I really did. I should have saved up a little more than I did but man, I didn't expect to go from making 1460/month to...850/month. Not being a student sucks, at least you can waive taxes to a point until you graduate. Now though? Full taxes. I really hope I get a good return on my taxes.

And I hope I can delay paying back my student loan until I get to full time work status.

Just a lot of shit on my mind and plate. Blah.

Money makes me sad.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

*hugs you lots*

Yeah.... it is hella scary when you finish up school. It's a bittersweet thing. You get this great degree and then it's like... now what. You apply for jobs, yet it's hard as fuck to find one. So you end up in temp positions or doing other things not in your field. Sometimes your not even making enough money or putting in enough hours to get health insurance. Soooo been there! It's scary shit. Even scarier when the loans kick in, but there are options with those. You just have to work them out and little by little you'll chip those away. Trust me. It takes time, patience, saving up heaps and sacrificing tons. Again, trust me, I know. But, in the end it's worth it in the longer haul. You'll do it and do it well. And what's more, you're doing it now at a time when it's a bit easier for you... you have age on your side and a bright future ahead. Just keep chipping away and you'll see what happens. Things... wonderful, amazing things. You're going to get the loans to go down, eventually you'll land a great job in your field and, before you know it, things in general will just come together. Might be at the exact time you expected or wanted, but it will and it'll be glorious when it does. But life is always filled with bumps and bruises. Even after you achieve your goals, life still throws its curve balls. It wouldn't be life if it didn't. Just take those moments in stride and be grateful for what you do have, it'll see you through much.... and always know you have many who care deeply and who love you and who believe in everything that you do, people who know you can do and achieve anything you set your mind to. *hugs you tightly* <33333
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

It really does surprise me when I see the number of views I've gained over the years since I first made this journal. It's been a long journey since this was started and I have to say, some of the advice and comfort I've received through replies has made an impact.

I've written about problems, rants, love lost, found, lost again, loss of loved ones, struggles, and everything in between. I've withdrawn myself quite a bit from...myself, I guess I could say, but now I've been coming back more.

Someone I didn't think or know if I could give a second chance to has been given that opportunity along with my heart again. I hope he doesn't break it again as this will be the last time. It's all or nothing this time around.

We talk, we plan, we fantasize, and sometimes I have to hold back tears. It really feels like I've been away from home for far too long, that I really am missing half of myself. Maybe some of it is new feelings mixed with nostalgic ones, but the truth is: I love him.

I just hope our love will survive this time.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Well, he liked his christmas gift, which makes me happy. I've had a tiring week and thankfully have the next three days off [yeah, we'll see if I actually do]. So I get to sleep in tomorrow and do NOTHING until like 8pm. YAY.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Sometimes I feel adrift, as if I've been tossed away from the land I've come from and been set on a raft built just for me to find whatever might be out there for me to find. I wonder, for the hundredth time, if what I'll find will be good; it if will be what I've been looking for without knowing. Eventually, I am joined by a second raft, a line is thrown, and together we are attached by that thin tether. We change directions, drift together, and pray that wherever we end up, it will be together. The line stretches and slacks, pulling us closer and then lengthening the distance between us. We reach out with our hands, but it's like a wall is between us. We can only speak and pray. And when we speak and silently pray, we wish for the same thing: To end up wherever we will be, together.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I wonder if people actually read some of the things I write or if it is some form of fan service.

Sexy, sexy fan service.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Happy Belated Birthday. I kept thinking it was Tuesday but I'm sorry I missed it. Some of it is that I don't wanna feel sorrow or visit haunting memories, but I also just want to remember the good things. All of them.

So happy birthday. It always surprises me that I was older than you. And thinking of you now still makes me sad but I know that things are better now. I love you. Rest well.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

As the whispers fade in the midnight hour,
I look toward the blossoming sky.
I reach out as if I could touch those twinkling orbs of wishes,
But I know they are too far.
Like you, they are too far away.
Not forever, my dear.
Not forever.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I'll ask one. Reading any books at this time? If so, what one and what's it about... I'm always looking to add books to my ever growing 'to read' list. :)
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I'm currently not reading any books but I did recently finish The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. I loved it. It was a really unique take on a different breed of horse and the small island village that these races happen on. I loved it.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I hate that you're so far away. I hate it. And yet I can't do anything about it. We talk on the phone and text and I feel better for awhile but in the quiet moments, those awful silent moments I scream on the inside until the tears spill out because there's nothing I can do right now but hope and wait and let out all the aching sadness that builds up until I can feel the reasons why we're doing this - why I'm doing this again- and why you're doing this again.

Nothing easy is worth getting but fuck, this is hard. Right now, it's just really hard. Hope is a wonderful but deadly thing.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Welp. Gonna start looking for new jobs this weekend. Still working at the pharmacy, but honestly, I'll be happy when I'm not longer a part of the nonsense.
 
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