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Quix's Random Bullshit Thread (Comments Welcome)

Arrived at work this morning to find the new employment contract sitting in my email inbox. Had a look at their work environment last week, where they want me to move to, and it's not just one that I'd be happy in, so told them this morning that I won't be relocating, and it needs to be be resolved before I sign the contract. The old owner was told verbally that no-one would be forced to move, but the ball's in their court really. I could well by unemployed by Thursday next week. At least I'd have more time for writing, xD

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On a writing note, another post that I was particularly happy with. Mostly because a couple of people contacted me to say it was romantic, which is usually something I stray away from, but in this case what I was aiming for. A little ironic that possibly the first real romance I'll be writing (that could say more about my lack of natural romanticism than anything else!), is one between two damaged, sadistic killers. It's that contrast between their fucked-up murderous intentions, and a blossoming, almost cute, relationship that's so much fun to try and incorporate in the scene.

Scaremonger - Quix and Lait


Kyle allowed the events of that night, and the murder of Adam Hunter to sink to the back of his conscious as they spoke in Zai's kitchen, It had been an age since he'd last entered someone elses home as a friend, and even longer since he'd conversed with a woman on a personal level. Not that there hadn't been approaches, however, Kyle despised humanity, and preferred to deal with his demons alone. That was the only way he'd known how to survive, in isolation, however Azairah brought out the desires for human contact and understanding that had been buried deep in his heart. The murderess and the murderer, two dark, lonely, desperate people, but together, possibly so much more.

He'd shocked himself with the ability to laugh out loud, and also desired more of that. Zai attracted Kyle, both physically and mentally as no other had except his childhood sweetheart, Amy, with her intelligence, looks, personality, newly discovered sense of humour, and the yearnings she possessed that allowed her to take human life. The marks and scars that adorned her skin only helped to increase her uniqueness, and told their own tale. One that the Army Veteran was now a part of, and would help Azairah finish. "If I didn't know better, I'd accuse you of flirting, Ms D'Amici," he replied with a grin. The Army veteran took in every part of her face in a manner that he hadn't previously before he realised that he was staring like a man smitten, and swiftly averted his gaze.

Even the tone of her voice entranced him, and he sat in mostly silence when they moved to the sofa, with a look of interest and curiosity on his face as they drank, and she talked. Kyle only interrupted here and there to clarify a comment, or to ask a question, but offered no judgements on her situation, nor did he offer false sympathy. They were both aware that the other was damaged, and it was enough to just sit and listen. When she was done, he had learned much about Zai, and it was his turn to share.

Kyle spoke of his own childhood; the alcoholic father, and a Mother who'd deserted him as a child; the decision to join the Army to escape his home; Amy his childhood sweetheart, the only woman he'd ever loved; and revealed details of his service in Iraq that he'd only ever spoken of to the Military Psychologists. How he'd watched as innocent civilians; men. women and children alike; were torn to shreds by mortar shells and how the Government had justified that with the phrase, Collateral damage. The end justified the means.

He told of his return and the time spent in Hospital, and of how his claims of suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had been summarily rejected, and he'd been discharged without any right to ongoing medical or financial support; shunned and abandoned by the Government that he'd freely offered up his life for. Then, lastly, he’d relayed how, when he'd attempted to reconcile with his estranged, but still legal wife, she'd mocked him by laughing in her face, and confessed she was pregnant to another man. He'd left the city that day, to never return, and the first murder had occurred a week later.

All of his words were issued without anger or frustration, and with complete honesty, accompanied by the thunderstorm outside. Flashes of lightning lit up Zai’s features and her warm-brown eyes, and his own rested upon the latter when he eventually silenced, and her lips parted to speak. "Can I trust you, Kyle?"

"You can trust me, Zai, you have my word.” Kyle’s gentleness belied the violence of the acts he was truly capable of, but not to her, not to Azairah. However, as if to she’d heard his response, the man was uncertain, for by the time the reply had slipped from his mouth, she’d fallen asleep. A warmth spread through every fibre of his being as he pulled the blankets tighter around them, and encircled Zai with his arms. He remained that way for the majority of the night, and just watched her sleep, and listened to her breathe, thankful that there were no nightmares. Only when dawn was about to break, did Kyle drift off.

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His eyes fluttered open at the sound of his name being spoken, and Kyle groaned and stretched on the sofa, confused for a moment, and thinking he must still be lost in a dream. Who called his name, where was he? Then it all flooded back as his brain fully awoke, and he swiftly kicked the covers off, and stood. His clothes were rumpled, and still the same he’d worn the previous night to the club as he looked across to Zai.

"Morning. I can smell breakfast from a mile away, and you wouldn't dare eat without me," Kyle replied as he approached her in the kitchen. "However, the first stop is always caffeine.” The man glanced around the unfamiliar kitchen, and then shot her a shrug as he halted, and leaned against the counter. "I'd offer to help, but I don't know where anything is, so how about I just sit back, and watch you display your culinary skills. Rumour has it you're expert with a knife." His dark humour displayed yet another side to the man. "Hope you slept well?"

The comment was a subtle way of attempting to gauge her thoughts, both of the murderous act she'd perpetrated, and, just as importantly now, how she felt about having spent the night in his arms. Kyle arched a brow before his eyes drifted to the television set with the recollection of Adam Hunter, then he refocused on Azairah, and spoke of what else had been on his mind during the night. "I’m considering quitting my job to embark on a road-trip, and thinking that you could accompany me."

From the time he'd first determined to assist her in gaining revenge on Cole Douglas and his cohorts, he'd contemplated how that could best be achieved, and concluded that it couldn't be from Eden; not if they wished to take them all down before they captured. No, they'd need to do it from afar, where they could sneak in to snatch a victim, then disappear back into the ether before returning for their next. "That's if you have no regrets, and are keen to continue?”
 
Fuck!

Just random ramblings, as I try to sort my thoughts out. Typically when I get something in the back of my head, or I have a negative feeling about an issue, the thought/concept is pretty much like a freight train on a one-way track in my brain, unstoppable until it reaches a stage where I take the inevitable action. In this case, it's the new job offer, and I know instinctively that I don't want to take it up, however have a dilemma.

Because of the way my new employment contract is worded, myself and one other person, if we choose not to sign it and leave, are most likely entitled to a redundancy package. That'd be an additional nine weeks pay, tax-free, on top of the payout for the four weeks vacation leave that I already have, meaning I wouldn't have to worry about money for three months or so, and I'd find another job easily in that time. However, the cost would be borne by my old boss, and he's already going to be struggling with having enough funds to pay all the liabilities he has, and I'd also be leaving others in the lurch in regards to all the work that needs to be done to make the transfer go smoothly.

As I've mentioned before, the current owner is the best guy you could ever meet, and been fucked over by others for the last couple of years, and I don't want to add to that, yet also have to look after myself. He also needs my help to finalise everything for his old company, which I advised him to insist on me being able to do, if I remained here. One of the options that I just put to him is that I'd take my redundancy, then come do the work for him one-day a week, without payment.

I'm pretty sure that will be my final decision, unless something drastically changes between now and next Thursday, now just have to convince myelf that it's the right thing to do, and assuming of course, that we do have an entitlement to the payment. Trying to get a straight, definitive, answer to that question is not exactly easy.

Edit: And sometimes that freight train doesn't take long to reach its destination! Just received an email that I'd be required to relocate, as at the very same time I was on the phone to the Fair Work Ombudsman to confirm my entitlement to a redundancy payment, so shot back a reply to say that, unfortunately, I had to deline the offer, and my last day of work would be next Wednesday. My current boss is all good, we'll come to our own arrangement regarding anything that needs to be finalised from his end.
 
The settlement on the contract of sale for the place I'm working has been delayed for a week, and could well be delayed again until the New Year, which means that the transfer won't take place until then, so I won't be leaving next Thursday as first thought. (Damn, I was actually looking forward to the extended holiday!). Instead, I'll be there as long as the current owner still legally runs the company, and my employment contract with him remains valid, I just won't be signing one with the new owners, and will leave at whatever date they eventually do take over. It could be a week or two, it could be a month. There's a lot of unhappy campers there at the moment, with the way they're going about things.

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Okay, okay, this isn't exactly in the Christmas spirit, but I'll admit, I loved it when I called my brother today to ask what my nephews wanted/needed for Christmas, and he replied with, "I know exactly what they want, so just give me the money whenever, and I'll buy their presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree for you." Hey, at least I'll still get the credit for the happy smiles on their faces when they're opened!

We're having an early Christmas at his place the week after next, with Mum coming up - it's her birthday that weekend as well - so then my other brother and I can head down the Coast on the day itself, and see Dad. Next weekend will be the first time in about five years that both my siblings will have agreed to be within a hundred miles of each other at Christmas, xD


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A lesson learned today! It'd probably be much quicker and easier for someone to hand paint an image, pixel by pixel, on the screen rather than ask me to work with simple (to all except me, apparently!) coding. Thanks Lait! For your patience, that is. Oh, and also the new theme, I figured it out after my twenty-third attempt and, as always, it's awesome.
 
xD Hey, no problem at all!
I know everyone doesn't have my graphics vocabulary and I always forget this.

So I explain stuff like everyone already knows. But you did good!
I'm proud! But I'm glad you like it though!
 
Received the nicest compliment on my writing yesterday, in a random PM. As anyone who knows me, well knows, because getting a reply out is such a 'process' for me, I sometimes can't see the forest for the trees, and it's difficult to be anything but self-critical when I go back and re-read my own posts. So, it's a great feeling to be told by someone you've never spoken to, and who's not directly involved in a story, that they enjoy your writing, and have been following your threads, and being able to think, "Hey you know what, I may not actually be too bad at this."

It may also lead to me taking up another story, however I'm not certain yet as the scene mentioned was an Historical one, using certain fictional characters and settings as a base, and I'm always hesitant to write something I don't know much about. Mostly because I don't want to make a fool or myself, and/or spoil it for my partner because of my lack of knowledge.


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Heading down the coast either tonight or tomorrow morning to catch up with my parents. Mum said that Dad's been struggling mentally since he's been placed in the care facility. When I spoke to him last night, he sounded fairly positive and upbeat, but also he's not the most emotional man, and you could hear the gratefulness and emotion in his tone when I said that I'd be there on the weekend, which is very unusual, and kind of sad.

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Oh, and also happy to have my Snow White partner back posting. Now that the fun we've had messing around with the Shades of Grey phenonomen and D/s dynamic is over (momentarily?), and although she doesn't know it yet, a few ideas have popped into my head on how we can incorporate the same for another subject close to my heart, in a chapter yet to come, xD
 
Why people who label their characters as submissive continue to approach me, I have no idea. I mean, I do know it's highly likely any request will be to portray a submissive female, as they comprise around 99.95% of that gender's character population on BMR, but there's a plethora of other guys who are interested in them, so why bother one who's made it abundantly clear that he's not?

What's even worse are those who, after being referred back to my threads, then claim their characters to be "different from all the other submissive females" (not like I haven't heard that before)-, as it misses the entire fucking point. They are either submissive or they are not - just as you can't be half-pregnant, there are no other options - and, as well as finding it an overused trope that offers nothing new, I despise submissive(ness) as a word, defining label, attribute, and concept. Of course, reiterating that, often leads to being met with, "It's because you don't understand it," and "Submission is a gift."

Now, I may not be the smartest guy on the planet, but I do possess half a brain, and can figure out for myself what I do and do not like, and one of the reasons I do not like submissiveness is because I DO understand it. Submission may well be a gift to some people, but it's one I'd personally throw back. Just because you offer something does not mean it's of value or interest to a potential recipient.

To try to tell me (paraphrasing) that I don't like it "because I just haven't met the right submissive female yet" is akin to telling a lesbian that she's only gay because she's never been fucked properly by a guy. One claim is as idiotic as the next.

 
Well, the weekend wasn't exactly the most fun one I've had! Dad's finding it mentally difficult to be in the care facility, and we had a stand-up argument (well, I was standing, he wasn't, because he can't, xD) in the home, after Mum had walked out on him for him attempting to put the guilt trip on her for having made the decision to place him there.

A couple of things I haven't shared about Dad; as I and my brothers were growing up he was pretty much an alcoholic, though I'm not really sure if that's the right term for it, as he could give up drinking whenever he wanted to, he just rarely wanted to, and mostly only when Mum threatened to divorce him. He was also a compulsive gambler, and we were constantly moving because any house (or car) they bought was eventually repossessed by the banks. For a man of his intellect and drive and the money he's earned, they should have been in a financially comfortable position, but never have been, and I think whatever it was that caused him to be as stubborn and determined, and the fighter he is, also led to his addictions.

He's always told Mum that he thought he'd end his life living in the gutter, and if it weren't for her, that's probably where he'd be. He's not the easiest person in the world to be around, and the decision was made as much for Mum's sanity as anything, and I told him that after everything she's done for him, it was about time he made some sacrifices for her.

Mum did text me this morning to say that they'd had a talk after I'd left yesterday, which had been heated, but they'd eventually come to an agreement, though I'm not sure what that is.


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In better news, it appears my Snow White partner and I are on the same page, so look for some more upcoming parody fun in that story, xD
 
I think people are either trying to kill, or sensing my frustration, as I've randomly been brought two coffee's - I'm talking extra large! - from co-workers this morning! As most who've read this journal would know, I don't like not knowing something, or being in limbo, as it sends my brain into a frenzy, and that's what's happening with work at the moment.

The settlement date for the new owners taking over the business has now been moved to the 22nd December, but was told by the current owner that it could be extended well into January. Regardless, we close down on the 23rd, and don't re-open until the 4th January, but as to whether I come back in the New Year, I don't know, and won't until we get a confirmation of that settlement date. And, of course, me being me, and needing the pressure of urgency/impending doom to focus my concentration and motivate me, I can't even begin to start the process of finding a new job, until I officially no longer have an old one!

It's also holding up things in my job at the moment as a lot of what I do/needs to be done is dependent on that date as well, so I'm pretty much here looking to work on something, then having to put it down, because I realise that I need an answer - that's not yet available - to a question, before it can be done, so everything's just kind of building up, with nothing able to be finalised.

It doesn't help that half of the staff of the 'new' company have also moved into our building, so we're sort of running parallel to each other, and no-one's really sure who's actually in charge. One of the sales staff here yesterday advised that he wouldn't be signing a contract with the new owner, and was escorted from the building an hour later on the directions of the new Principal, who, technically, he didn't even work for yet, and as I see it, had no right to make the decision!

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Anyways, in the mood for some quotes from Einstein!

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Looks like the settlement for the takeover at work is now back on for the 22nd, but hey, that could change again, xD

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Anyways with my Mum coming down this weekend, and us celebrating an early Christmas on a day where it's forecast to be 37 degrees Celsius (around 100 F), I thought I'd share this Australian Version of Jingle Bells.

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxyf2OvOcdk[/video]


Also, another non-traditional Christmas song I came across in my random googling. Though not for everyone, I find it quite amusing and personally appropriate, and know at least a couple who'll appreciate it as I did.


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YT8AO8GbKk[/video]
 
Well, I am in SoCal, where we have that bizarre weather that never really gets "cold." Still hits 70's during the day in December, so I know the awkwardness of a warm Christmas.

Mind you, we get cold when the whether hits 50 F. You will see people wearing parka's and mittens on a sunny day. And of course, mixed within are the displaced people from parts of the country and world where it actually gets cold, so they are wearing short sleeve shirts and shorts when it hits 50 F here.
 
The early Christmas celebrations went well yesterday, and I didn't even had to referee a boxing bout between my two brothers! They actually got along for the day. Actually, it was fun, and a good time was had by all, it's always great to see the smiles on my niece and nephew's faces when they open their presents, and to spend some time with them.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the total relaxation and stress-free couple of days that Mon needed as she had to leave early and drive home, with the news that Dad has to go back into Hospital. He's suffering from an excess buildup of fluid in his legs, however it can't be drained due to the high risk of infection, and the nurse where he is was worried that he was going to split open, like a water balloon bursting. Poor bastard, and I'm in awe of my Mum. She broke down for a minute or so, with the cruelty of it all, then managed to recover, and pull herself together. She's one strong woman.

Not sure if Dad will still be in Hospital on Christmas Day. I'll be down there, and staying boxing day, then my oldest brother will come down for a few days, as I head up to my best mate's, a couple of hours further up the coast, for a much needed break, drinking and bullshitting. We don't catch up that often, but when we do, it's like we just saw each other yesterday, and he and his wife are my favourite people on the world.

Edit: And as I write this, I get a text to say that Dad was released from Hospital after they'd reduced a lot of the fluid, and even managed to have a beer, and glass of champagne with Mum and their neighbour, for her birthday, which was yesterday. Not the best birthday she's ever had, and not the best year. I've mentioned before that she's the youngest of nine children, and her oldest brothers, who's twenty years or so older than her, and her 'protector' growing up, is also dying.

She intended to take a week off when my eldest brother was down the coast at New Years, to go visit him in the small country town where they were all raised, which I hope she still can. He's a sad enough story in himself, as he hit and killed a child when he was about twenty in a motor vehicle accident, and the guilt he suffered caused him to become a recluse. He's never gotten over it.


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It looks like now that the settlement for work is going ahead on the 22nd December, and that meant it was fucking crazy on Friday, and will be this week. We're meant to close on the 23rd, regardless but there's so much to do, and I'll be officially without a job then, however will most likely need to go in the days after.

Spoke to my current boss on Friday, and told him that there's still so much that needs to be finalised over the next few months for his company that I may need to be there almost full-time for at least the first couple of weeks in January, and rather than my contract with him ending when the takeover occurs, he may want to extend it for a month or so. One of the problems is that he has a huge cash shortfall in regards to paying out all his liabilities over the next quarter, mostly to the Tax Office, which isn't really 'my' problem, but one I feel obliged to help him out with. Or at least getting him to a point where he knows exactly where he stands.

He replied with, "You've done the right thing by me, I'll do the right thing by you, just tell me what you think, and I'll agree to it," but I just don't know yet, as so much is dependent on something else, and it's like attempting to juggle ten balls at once. Hopefully things will be clearer after Monday/Tuesday, as at the moment it's doing my head in, xD.


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In good news, the awesome Sumi has returned from hiatus, and what a great start to my morning it was to wake up to a reply to our story. I did so miss Karmen and Duane.

I also need to stop bumping! Have two potential stories in discussion, and with all that's happening, I'm not sure what my response rate will be like over the next couple of weeks. To my partners, just be aware it could slow down, and please bear with me, xD
 
I honestly have no idea how can you keep up with so many stories at once. I've been known to struggle with just three or four, and here you are with so many of them. XD
 
Sumi said:
I honestly have no idea how can you keep up with so many stories at once. I've been known to struggle with just three or four, and here you are with so many of them. XD


No to mention the amount of thinking that has to go into each separate roleplay, because each is so different. xDD

So I second your statement.
 
lait said:
No to mention the amount of thinking that has to go into each separate roleplay, because each is so different. xDD

So I second your statement.

Exactly! So many different mindsets he has to be in! xD
 
Sumi said:
lait said:
No to mention the amount of thinking that has to go into each separate roleplay, because each is so different. xDD

So I second your statement.

Exactly! So many different mindsets he has to be in! xD

The mindset thing is easy, since I have multiple personalities!

I'm glad you mentioned that you think them different, as a variety of characters and themes is what I strive for, and find a fun, creative challenge, xD

I don't know, really. It's just my natural inclination to take on more than I think I'll be able to handle, then handle it. I've mentioned before that I work better under pressure and stress, and it's what I need to focus my concentration. I work in short bursts of energy and when my concentration is focused, it's incredibly intense, and I get things done that otherwise wouldn't be possible in the time I have.

Plus, the majority are at relaxed posting rates, where there may only be one reply week or so; some even more relaxed than that. What really overloads my mind is is when I receive a heap of replies close together, and I'm sure, at times, my partners collude to do just that. "Hey, let's stress out Quix, because seeing his disorganised brain short-circuit as he tries to process and compartmentalise all that information at once is entertaining." :)
 
The settlement for the merger is going through today, which means I'm officially out of a job in two hours and twenty minutes :)

Mum called last night to say Dad had seen the Doctor, and it wasn't good news, and for the first time he's given up hope of any type of recovery. It's pretty much all downhill from here.

I'll see him on Christmas Day, which won't be a bundle of joy, so in the meantime am just looking forward to having a couple of days to myself, after the craziness of the last couple at work. Saying that, what I found the most stressful of anything I've had to do, is cleaning out my office for someone else to move into. For the past two and a half years, I've somehow gotten away with not needing to adhere to the 'clean-desk' policy; it's weird that I work best in cluttered spaces, but need things clean and uncluttered in places I relax. It's like if it's too tidy or organised it feels as if I've nothing to do!

Will worry about looking for a job in the New Year. Ended up coming to an agreement with my old boss, that as I'm not sure how often, and for how long, I'll be required to come to help him clear things up with the old company - sometimes it could be a couple of days a week, and at others only an hour or two - he just pay me by the hour, and he's good with that. As of now, I've got a full break until at least the 7th January, and I can't wait!


Note to self: Don't forget to also clear out your Internet browsing history before you leave, xD
 
Well it's Christmas Eve here, and I'm just about to head out for drinks for some friends, and in the morning will drive down to spend the day with Mum and Dad. Have decided to only stay Boxing Day, then come home for a few days as I have things I need to do - such as updating my resume and sending out job applications - before I head to my best mate's either on the 30th or New Years Eve to welcome in 2016.

To my partners and friends, however you celebrate Christmas (or not celebrate it, as the case may be), I hope the day goes as you want it to, and that you all get the chance for some rest and relaxation.

I have to say again, I think I'm the luckiest guy on BMR with the writing partners I have. Not only for the brilliant writing, and characters you portray - which provides the opportunity for me express my own creativity by being able to write a variety of themes, and as (and opposite) varying personalities - but also for the totally awesome people you are behind the screen. I appreciate each and every one of you more than I can express.

Not to forget those I may not write with, but do exchange OoC, sometimes often, sometimes only occasionally. You are as much a part of what makes BMR such a pleasure to sign on to as my story partners. To one of those in particular, who'll know who she is, and why I write this here, Merry Christmas. We may only talk rarely, which is one of the very reasons that yes, you do still intrigue me, but having a random message pop-up in my inbox at the most unexpected of times, or for the most unexpected of reasons, always makes my day, xD

Enjoy the Holiday's, everyone :)
 
Christmas went well, have sent a couple of resumes off the job agency this morning, and am now looking forward to a couple of days with no obligations, where I don't have to do anything, or even speak to another living soul if I don't want to, before I head back down the coast to my mate's for New Years.

Dad was actually better than I expected. He sounded stronger than I've heard with him in a while, but he's carrying that much fluid that he's looking a little like the Michelin man:

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And is swollen in places that no man should be swollen. The major problem is that the Doctor's can't do much about it, they're worried about the risk of infection if they try to drain it, and the two medication options they have will either lower his blood pressure (which is on the brink of being too low already), or increase his potassium levels, which is what led him to suffering a cardiac arrest two years ago.

All in all, however, he was in a positive mood, and Mum's decided to go ahead with her trip to visit her family. In the meantime my oldest brother will be staying at her place, so that Dad's got some company.

I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas.


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It was also pretty quiet down there, as with it being only me, Mum and Dad, we didn't actually do much, so I got to finish two Michael Robotham novels.

I've long being looking for an author I could sink my teeth into, and this guy is addictive, with a reasonably large back catalogue. If anyone's into crime fiction/psychological thrillers, he is a strong recommendation. His writing, plotting and characterisation is just brilliant and, as an added bonus, he's Australian. When I finished his latest, Mum said the ending had her in tears, but of course I wasn't going to admit that it had nearly had that effect on me, too. I did say nearly! xD
 
Heading away first thing in the morning, so will be incognito for a few days. Looking forward to to sitting around the pool and spa, having a beer, and catching up with my best mate and his wife, as well as a few other friends. Relatively tame, but much more enjoyable than dealing with the drunk hordes out partying.

Not sure when I'll be back, as I don't have a job I need to come back to, and my mate wants to go see my Dad if he can, and we might not be up to it until the 2nd. However, driving anywhere this time of year is a pain in the ass, so we'll wait and see, depending on when he needs to go back to work.

As I've mentioned before, I live in the only major Australian City not on the coast, and it seems the entire population migrates there during the Holidays. The roads are mostly one-lane each way, through small tourist towns, and mountain passes filled with cars, trucks, motorcycles, semi-trailers, caravans, and vehicles with boat-trailers. He lives a couple of hours North of mum and dad, which at this time of year would probably take four-five hours one way, so may possibly leave it until the next time I visit them.

Anyways an early Happy New Year to all my partners and friends, and I hope whatever you get up to, you enjoy it and stay safe.


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And to end 2015, a quartet of quotes from four men I admire for their opinions, and having the courage to speak them aloud; Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, and Daniel Dennett - aka "The Four Horsemen" -, plus a bonus from my favourite Freethinker of them all.

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I hope everyone had a great New Years, and a good time was had by all. Had a a great, relaxing few days, with a little too much alcohol, not enough sleep, and way, way too much food.

Every time my mate and I get together, it's like 'we'll do the catering', and generally buy enough to feed a small army. It always great to catch up, we traveled overseas together for four months, and the number of people who thought we must have been in a relationship because we tend to bicker and take the piss out of each other like an old married couple, was hilarious.

A few asked outright, and others, you could just tell they were wondering, and it was quite fun to play up on. However, I think in that four months we only had one minor disagreement, which was pretty amazing.

Had a few other friends down there, and didn't get down to see my Dad, as we all left yesterday. I may have just been projecting my own self on them, but he and his wife both go back to work on Monday, and have had visitors constantly since the 18th December, so I was like, "If it was me, I'd tell everyone to fuck off and go home, so that I get a day to myself."

That was probably a good thing as I got the news after getting home last night, that Dad's back in Hospital, and on a drip three times a day to try and drain some of the fluid he's carrying. Mum's still away, but my eldest brother is there, and my other is heading down for the day on Tuesday, so I might go with him.

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Some of my stories have slowed with the Holiday period, and partners being away/caught up with other things, so I'm feeling as I can take more on, and have a couple of potentials in planning, however also need to be wary that when I find a new job, I'm not going to have as much time for writing, and possibly a lot less than when I was working before Christmas. I don't want to overextend myself by being able to handle more now, only to discover later than I've taken on way too much, or that my responses will be ridiculously slow.

On the job front, got a call from the agency on Thursday, who said they don't think I'll have too much trouble picking one up, though I plan to be as selective as I can. Nothing's likely to happen until at least next week, with a lot of people still being on Holidays.
 
Heading down the coast tomorrow with my brother, and Mum, who's flying back from her Holiday. Dad's not in a good state, the Doctor's have said they can do nothing more, and it could possibly be the last time I see him. In a way, I kind of hope so, as I'm at the stage of wishing he'd let himself go, rather than continue to fight and suffer.
 
Excuse me whlst I ramble, and try to clear my head.

What a long-ass bastard of a day. Mum left her car here when she went on Holidays, so I drove that down the coast today, whilst my middle brother drove his, to take her home, and go visit Dad. My brother had to come back, and of course, having only one car, I couldn't stay.

He'd deteriorated overnight, and it's now just a matter of time. It could be as early as tonight, and I think my mum is glad that we couldn't stay, as she wanted to spend what could be her last night with him, alone. He's no longer on life-support or receiving any care, apart from pain medications if required, and when I asked the nurse if they were monitoring his heart or breathing, she said no, as if/when it stops they won't be resuscitating him. He wasn't responsive at all in the couple of hours I spent with him, and I was a little conflicted when my Mum and Brother attempted to wake him, as he looked at peace as he was.

My eldest brother is heading down tomorrow, as I will be if he passes, otherwise I'll leave it to Friday morning, and stay the weekend. I have some urgent things to do with my old work, and it'll also be good for my brother and Mum to spend some time together. He's the one who had the most volatile relationship with my Father, at times full of vitriol and hatred, to the point where it also affected his relationship with Mum, mostly because she wouldn't leave him after all the shit he put her through. For all that, I think he's going to be hit the hardest. As for me, I've always tended to be the most self-sufficient, and best able to cope with these things, of the three boys. Mum too, will be okay, but it'll take her a while. She's already planning to get away from the small town she's in when he passes, and spend a month up here with us kids.

On the writing front, to my all my partners and friends, I really have no idea where my head space is going to be for the next few days, or weeks. I could be productive and talkative, or crawl into a shell, and not feel in the mood to write or communicate with anyone. Or a mixture of both. I'm sure you'll find out as time goes along. Whichever it is, please bear with me.

To end on a lighter (or darker!) note, Dad's wish is to be cremated when he dies, so on the journey home my sibling suggested we play this song as his funeral:


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChmUC0OysoU[/video]
 
Surprisingly (or not-so-surprisingly, considering the stubborn bastard he is), Dad's still holding on, though he hasn't regained consciousness since I last saw him on Tuesday. My brother needs to come back for work tomorrow, and I'm heading down.

It will be a miracle if he lasts the weekend, so I'll be there for I'm not sure how long. Until the end. Again, with Dad being Dad, he wants no fuss, and his funeral will be pretty much just family and close friends, and arranged as soon as possible.

To my partners/friends, thanks for all the kind words of support of support over the last weeks and months. As I said to one today, I use this journal to clear my mind, as it's on there enough, and BMR as an escape, which is generally why I don't want to talk one-on-one about it in detail. Just be assured that your words and thoughts are appreciated more than I can express.

Neither do I want anyone to feel uncomfortable, so just carry on with the normal OoC chat and banter as I'll likely need a break, and will at least be able to check, if possibly not respond, on my phone.

Having said that, with my mind being a little all over the place at the moment with Dad, the shit I have to do at my old work, which needs to be put off, and the search for a new job - to be honest; the last thing I've been concerned about - I'd appreciate if you could hold off on any story responses until I return, and get back into a routine. Write them if the muse hits you, but if you don't actually hit the post button, that'd be awesome (Oh Mali, haven't you heard that before :) )

Otherwise, even with all that's happening, that I need to reply when I can't, will continue to nag at the back of my strange brain, and I'd like to keep it as clear of additional 'stress' as possible.
 
Dad lost his final battle today. About an hour after I arrived at the Hospital, with my mum and two brothers by his side, he took his last breath. Although he never regained consciousness, it was possible that he was just waiting for his family to all be together with him, before he let himself go.

The family is all coping well; after the suffering he's endured over the past few months, it's a relief to know that at least now he's at peace. Not that he believed in God, but it brought a smile to all of our faces when just before we departed, Mum kissed him on the forehead and lovingly whispered "See you in Hell", for that's the type of man he was, and of the two options, the place he'd much rather be.

We had our issues, but I did love him, and will be forever grateful for the values of independence of mind and spirit, and the importance of having the courage to fight for what you believe in, and to stand up for those less fortunate or able than yourself, regardless of race, colour or creed, that he instilled in me.

R.I.P Dad.
 
I'm so sorry Andy. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. The world has lost a wonderful man who will be missed.
 
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