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O Fortuna...

So I now am for sure that I can't drive the Honda past November. The reason why? Something about the fact my car doesn't generate heat is fucking with me and not in a good way - I almost had a panic attack on the highway. I dunno if it was a combination of the cold or what. But it really started fuck with me >.<; Maybe because all the wrecks I've had were...in....cars that didn't have heat .____________.;

-.-

BUT in GOOD NEWS.

Mom says I have Health Insurance starting January 1st. First order of business? Glasses. My prescription has been out since May. >>; My dominant eye hasn't changed much but the other eye prescription is for sure out in my other eye. That and my eyes extremely sensitive to light. Driving at night didn't used to bother me so much but the past two years or so it's really gotten to me. After that?

Everything else that has been neglected for the past 6 years. Yeah it's been 6+ years since I've seen a doctor >.<;
 
Vega was sick as a dog from 4 AM this morning till about 6 AM x-x I don't know why. That being said I have no desire to go out today at all ._______.; Which is bad considering I was gonna go my stuff for Hahvy and Ari today D:

;-;
 
I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
You Learn - Alanis Morissette​

I have no idea who I learned my budget skills from. But it certainly wasn't from my family o_o; My mother is horrid about budgeting (I would say she's a shopaholic, no lie) where as my grandmother...well..she's a glutton. Thank gods they aren't attached to my accounts anymore. Otherwise I would really be broke...considering their spending habits. I think I learned from their bad habits what not to do. CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY ONE PERSON NEEDS $100 worth of groceries a week? Not every two weeks. Per. Week. UNO PERSONA!

I spend less than that for a month. Granted, my mom's the person I got my shopping thriftyness from. >.>; I'm still bad about remembering to eat. I have managed to munch on and off during the day today but I really haven't had anything in persay of a 'meal' since yesterday. .-. I should go warm up stew or something and run up to my job to see my hours. --;; Granted it's Tuesday tomorrow. So I SHOULD be doing my normal 9:30-6...but best to be safe rather than sorry. but I'm not in the mood to go through traffic. >>; so I shall have to go in pseudo later. Like. 11 xD;

FYI it's fair week here NC. I was thinking about going. Buuuut. I'm not sure what I'd actually do. Meh.
 
This made me LUL seriously. xD

Takoda Vega: ‎...Hahvy why do I get lesbian ads on your page? XD
Hahvy likes this.
Hahvy: Dude. I don't know.
Takoda Vega: Followed By TEXT OFFENDERSSSSSS. oh lord maybe they're onto us?!
Hahvy: I love you. XD
Takoda Vega: Love you too darlin~ x3
Zal: You guys always get the weird ones. I just keep getting ads telling me to play more vidya games. >>
Hahvy: Lol
Hahvy: Facebook is racist!
Takoda Vega: They should make us a giftbasket! :D
Hahvy: They totally should.​

IF You don't get the "Gift Basket" reference view the following video. Warning it is kinda on the long side but the EPICNESS IS WORTH IT :D

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbppTv4pCGQ[/video]​
 
Trying earnestly,
Failing miserably,
Picking up the past,
Learning brilliantly
To be loved
To be free
Troubled Dreams - Mankind is Obsolete​

I Hate with a passion the fact I'm as shy as I am. Particularly when I go out by myself. In high school I was no near as bad as I was afterwards. I have no idea as to why. I'm just a really bad introvert considering my track record. I know I don't seem like it online, but that's because you have to judge someone by what is being said/done - vs - looks.

That being said. If I'm not out with one of my friends it is a lot harder for me to be, well, me and interact with strangers. WORK is one thing - the fact I can't put my 'work' personality to my normal personality drives me crazy. And it's not because of the clothes. I think it's just because of work D:. It gets even worse with some...big fancy thing. Like honestly if my other boss wasn't my mom's best friend I doubt I would have gotten the job (Though they know I do an excellent job and such.).

Confidence offline is noooot my strong suit. Because people judge you by how you present yourself. My grandmother used to compare me to other girls, how I didn't dress good enough for things. :/ Meh. I did not get a lot of compliments. And Honestly I wasn't really hit on offline till like my Junior/senior year. And then that was..uh. Normally by guys I wouldn't date. .-.; Or my ex girlfriend.

Yup.

Sometimes a compliment can go a long way. Considering how Rare they are.
 
The Vega needs about $1700 to fix her car to make it pass inspection in the state of NC.

.__________________________________________________________________.

Fuck. That. Noise.

And apparnetly I made Hahvy annoyed trying to explain why you get better MPG with Highway vs City :<

What some people don't get is why you get better mpg 90% of the time in a 5 speed vs an Automatic.

Most automatics are only 4 gears.

It takes more gas to make a car stop and go than it does on highway - in a five speed you have to go through at least the first two gears everytime you stop and go to push the car forward. That's why they are smaller gears vs 3rd/4th/5th
one of my guy friends gets about 700 miles in his diseal bug on roadtrips. Why? Because he seldom stops - HE DOESNT NEED TO STOP D: lucky bastard. But anyway.

I hope I can borrow his jetta or peaches sometime so I can at least get the stuff needed to replace the brake pads* (and more than lkely the rotors x.x;)

*- Note I heard a very audible 'thunk' noise earlier on my way to work after I had hit the brakes. I'm safely assuming at this current moment I have no front brakes to speak of.

BACK TO THE DOWNSHIFTING AGAIN D:
 
SO

I got my renewal info for my car insurance on ZE HONDA. Apparently my car insurance bill is now....half of what my previous six months was .____. My car insurance is so odd --;; However now it's $70 less a month o_O I'm half tempted to submit extra money when I can and just pay it off early xD; Note - Half tempted. That being said however that means that's even more money I can put towards buying a new car by the end of November at the latest. o-o With all the Inventories this month coming up I should be square.

There are Four inventories this month (including our own) >> On TOP of that my Manager is taking her last vacation the week of Thanksgiving. Which means all but one Week I'm going to be secure in at least 32+ hour weeks. That being said, coupled with Nano - Vega may not be here much.

IF SHE IS SHE WILL BE DISTRACTED...
...

*headdesk*

On top of that I decided for once to check my Hotmail account (Since apparently I had 11 messages sitting in there) and I saw a message from you in there.

I know you read this - and while I understand you are trying to, how do I phrase this, 'stay out of my life', I told you my opinion of you. I had once had great respect for you. Once. You used to be a man of unshakeable pride and cutthroat honor. That has shifted considerably to something that does not do those Pets of yours good. Considering they were willing to share you, and move what, four states away from home to help start over for all three of you and you deny them the devotion they fucking deserve for someone you will never truly regain their trust from.

I'm fairly certain, on that same note, that this is the last time you will grace notice on my keyboard. You made your opinion clear to me months ago about me. And I had done the same for you - I thought I had made that clear. Learn to accept that I am not the same person I was years ago. I am not on your collar.

Claiming ownership of me doesn't necessarily need a collar. It's a trust thing.
 
I SUDDENLY gained an epic idea while cooking my Greek styled dinner~

BMR SHOULD HAVE A COOKBOOK! XD; Something of a group collaborative thing. >.> Cause I know MM, da, and I have at least put in mishmash recipes here and there.

Totally. Should. Do. Eet :D
 
This is a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE apology to all my rp partners.

I am sorry I haven't posted. :< My muse ran away and has been very picky as to what she wants to turn her attention to. I don't know if it's because IRL has been killing me or the fact I haven't seen anyone outside of work in almost a month .______.

THAT BEING SAID I am listing ALL of my RPs - IF YOU ARE NOT ON THIS LIST YOU WILL NOT BE TAKEN INTO PRIORITY. That also means - if you are not on this list right now, you will be bumped to the "reserved" list. The ones with an Asterisk next to them have been posted to and are Waiting a reply *as of this moment*

Vega's Current RP list

Current
  • Disarm Me With Your Loneliness </3 - Altair*
  • Kiss of Dawn - Kite Xiroh*
  • U-Turn in the Fast Lane - H a r r i e t*
  • Deption in Disguise - Hahvy*
  • Beyond the Skies - Hahvy and H a r r i e t
  • Machine Visions - Zalvek*
  • The Asylum Sleep - Mr. Master
  • Seven Days - Zombies Galore
  • Collar Trained - Raziel99
  • White Rose Withering - Dies Irae
  • Tides of Time - Shu, Cecidius*
  • Stealing from History - BlisteredBlood

Reserved
  • Guardian Angel - Paradox
  • Post-Apocalyptic - Survivor00

On Hold
  • Virtue and Vice - Demystify
  • Of Blood, Wine, and Old Friends - Cookie Monster*
  • Technologic Physics - MarxistPanda*
  • Teufelstanz - xWickedBlackLace*
  • Under the Glass Moon - MarxistPanda, xWickedBlackLace*
  • Necronomicon - Kayito-san*
  • Get Naked >:3 - Altair*
  • How to Love a Dragon - 3ngag3*

To those of you who do not have *'s as of this moment you WILL be getting a post no later than the 31st. Because I FEEL BAD D: and I will be OMG SPAZZING cause of NaNo.

Much love my darlings <3

Also in other news I hear my grandmother landed a date.

Figures. :/
 
A lot of odd experiences happened today - Some good some bad.

Today - I actually felt...pretty o_O; This seldom (If ever) occurs.

My other job is starting to become less hours. Mainly because I went from just filing things away to just scanning the items and filing whatever else. So far I can scan all 750 properties in 2 hours >.>; Problem is my normal workload is half that MEH!

Found out while at work it's supposed to be 34 F (1 C to you Metric people) tonight Jeebus O-o;

I went to B&N for a bit to kill time till my friend (we shall call him Linux) was actually going to do dinner with me. Found TWO books of interest (And may have slightly hit on the guy behind the counter -3-) and I don't know why out of all the err other girls there but I was picked out by a random 'photographer' looking for 'models'. Yeaah. Really. >>; No you're looking for porn Pfft.

Linux was having trouble with Peaches (His VW Bug xD) so was running late to meet up.

Running late was 45 minutes late. I honestly thought he was gonna stand me up ;-; But he didn't - there is talk of sometime soon doing a Jenga Night with FOOD and ALCOHOL~ woooo~
 
Kite asked me an interesting question the other day xD; He asked me Why I name my rps the way I do.

Honestly? Almost ALL of my RP titles are based on music. =P Either taking the name entirely or mashing up lyrics from within the song. Some are "duh" titles others are well not so much xD; So here's the actual list =P

Disarm me with Your Loneliness </3 = Disarm me with Your Loneliness by HIM
Get Naked >:3 - Get Naked by Methods of Mayhem
Kiss of Dawn - The Kiss of Dawn by HIM
U-Turn in the Fast Lane - U-Turn by Samantha
Machine Visions - Machine Visions by i:scintilla
The Asylum Sleep - St. John by We Are the Fallen
Seven Days - Seven Days to the Wolves by Nightwish
White Rose Withering - Bless the Child by Nightwish
Tides of Time - Tides of Time by Epica
Virtue and Vice - Virtue and Vice by Delain
Teufelstanz - Teufelstanz by Alex C

*Under the Glass Moon is actually thee name of a Manga Series I used to read xD;
 
I have discovered something earlier.

The only males (note MALES) who understood and can at least for the most part, comprehend, my train of thoughts are Schizophrenic oo;

Loki wants to come see me. Technically it was because of my insistence he actually got diagnosed with his Schizophrenia. >.>; But he tends to at least try to keep tabs on my own sanity level xD;

My best friends who are Male are mostly Gay OR Bisexual...with a Male preference O-o'

NaNo Word Count:
529

WOO!
 
So maybe I’m a masochist
I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave
til the walls are goin’ up
in smoke with all our memories
Love the Way You Lie (Pt II) - Rhianna feat Eminem​

I don't talk about this very much but seeing as how I have a chronic desire to abuse my characters I think it's important that I actually say it as it is - because frankly like my signature says "Roleplay is the Socially Accepted form of Schizophrenia".

All the characters I have made have key traits in them - though not necessarily the same ones, but main ones that make me identify the character far more than I ever really let on. Cage in particularly, though I may be partial to her because of how much design I put into her. Vega/Kitira are close seconds (Yes there is a Character named Takoda Vega too) but all of my characters, have been tortured in some way, shape, or form. And it's something I am trying to break out of habitually.

Because it's aspects of my personality I keep under wraps. Shu is one of the few people who knows how bad it got in High School. However, some of the things dig a lot deeper than other things are let on. I feel at times that I deserved all the bad things that have ever happened to me. That I did something wrong that has begun a habitual torment in my head. I literally get paranoid every time I go on a roadtrip alone because something bad happens. Whatever this 'bad' thing is becomes ambiguous. However there are other things. Things where I should not blame myself for them and that they were out of my control. Having been almost raped four times in the past three years, coupled with two of those were earlier this year...that I didn't mention because of the fact I should have known better.

However sometimes I'm twisted enough that says 'What ifs?' to those scenarios. Sex has no meaning to me - it's a physical motions that I can't register or feel, so would it change my mind now? Probably, but at the same time maybe not. I can't hear in my left ear very well, I haven't been able to since 06. Guess I said one word too many to him. Sure we get along rather well now, but it stings to know that I can't do much more to change things.

I just want to fix myself for once. And I don't know if it's because lately I've felt like I'm only around when people 'need' me or if the fact my Muse refuses to be herself is because I'm not dealing with the constant negativity. I guess I noticed that unless something bad is happening or if I'm being pushed into my 'darker' corners that my writing takes that hit. If I'm happy, I feel like I seldom write. But...

I write all the time otherwise.

So it's like right now that I have no idea how I feel. Or if things are worth going through. I don't know if it's because I've been essentially working myself to death or if it's a multitude of things. Maybe it's the fact there isn't much to come home and look forward to.

The same routine.

The only thing that changes is the time of day.
 
Dear Takova~

You don't deserve all those bad things, but I know where your head is at. I've been there. No, I haven't necessarily been raped. But I have been violated on several occasions that aren't really up for discussion. It's still tough to deal with, but I know you're a tough cookie. I know all about those dark spaces in the mind where people seem to retreat to because in a sense, the abuse is familiar. It's almost like a security blanket- a very dark and twisted security blanket.

I know what you mean about your characters - my characters are similar in that sense of torment and anger- or emotionless all together until something brings them around in bits and pieces. It seems common to put a piece of yourself in a character and put work into a character- in a way, you are venting through someone else while being yourself. You are in a life you created while being in the life you lead. When I'm writing, I put myself back into the life of the character I'm writing about- and it's not always easy to mesh into their world because it's a part of myself I try to hide and disassociate with. But another part of me lingers there for a reason- the need to hurt in a small fracture.

It's sometimes scary to analyze it to such a degree, but it's truth. It is scary. But it's reality in a form that's almost uncontrollable while maintaining a certain kind of control. I could be rambling here or just spewing my own philosophy, but I believe you get a gist of the idea. You aren't alone, sweets. You can talk to me if you need to and feel like doing such.

I love you, darling. Keep your chin up.
 
Vega... honey. If you ever need to chat or vent about this sort of thing... you know my IMs. Use them. I can relate to some of the things you've been through. I was very nearly raped by a guy who was supposedly one of my closest friends. One I'd been friends with for years too. Never had it ever crossed my mind that he could and would betray that trust. Also, my one ex was abusive to me on many levels. Sexually, emotionally, psychologically and to a degree physically. It took me nearly 4 years to oust his ass. And after doing so and after all that crap, I was in a dark place for a very long time. Many years of therapy (for both getting over that and for other things) later, I pulled myself up out of the funk and started to rediscover who I was. You can do this too. And I know you'll be amazed at the wonderful person you'll see.

As for my writing? I think this is why I tend to make my characters as they are as well. I tend to make them naive and compassionate and empathic. A person who tries to reach out to that man in 'the dark place'. I suppose it's my way of trying to fix myself or the past version of myself. Because in the end, I strive for those happy endings in some way, shape or form. And I think this is because, after all was said and done, I managed to find my happy ending when, for a loooong while, I didn't think there'd be any. You too can have that happy ending. You deserve one. You're worth one. Seriously. You are. That's not just lip service.

Anyway, I suppose the bottom line is this. I'm here if you ever need to chat/vent. And know that you are a truly awesome person that I'm proud to say is my friend. <3
 
Thank you guys <3 I really am trying to get myself together again >.o;

However! In light of the fact that Christmas/Yule is coming >> I'm gonna put up my wishlist. Now note - read all instructions CAREFULLY before proceeding =P

I have been doing this for years on my LJ and funnily enough I've gotten one or three things in the mail just because xD; So. HERE ISH MEH LIST.

The Wishlist

- The post should contain your list of 5-10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info, whether it's your IM/PM or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post

Step Two
- Surf around your friends journals (Or random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.


My Wishlist:

  1. I would love LOVE a random letter. Seriously o_O; I haven't had penpals in years so to get something so small means a lot <3
  2. A hug
  3. Band Memorabilia, excluding CDs, from my favorite bands (Posters would be AWESOME but it can be anything~ Icons, banners, wallpapers ^^). Favorite bands can be seen on my Last.fm.
  4. Books - Anything dark fantasy/mystery based would rule :) - Ebooks are accepted.
  5. Phone call ~ Just so say hi is also an awesomeness alone.
  6. A movie date xD
 
Well exploded/imploded enough that it's currently not in my possession and not driveable till someone fixes it.

One of the wires to the Alternator snapped it was sparking like crazy. Needless to say Tako is without means of transportation until fixing can be acquired D:
 
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