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Indeed. Learning that comes with time, but at least the path shows promise and that's a good and positive start. Can't ask for more than that, right? I just hope things continue on in that same vein and that the journey is pleasant and filled with all the fun and wonder it should be because it really is a great part of the whole process. Even learning the idiosyncrasies and such and that you are the only one who can accept them and have your own fully accepted in return. XD It's really quite humbling and amazing and so many things in one. So, I hope this becomes that for you.
 
Oh dragon, I'm so happy for you, I hope this one turns out better then the others!!! And I'm glad therapy went well, hopefully you get past this damn knee problem and can get back to living normally. You are most deffinatly a psychopath, but in the best way possible. Also, six times, o bby, I bet she was a happy girl! ~_^ good to hear that hasn't changed much lol.
 
A drunken night talking to my oldest friend...

You wanna believe in guardian angels? In second grade, the biggest kid in the class took me under his wing. He showed me the best of humanity when I didn't believe it existed. We were inseparable until I moved, and many years later, Faceboook reconnected us. He's about to have his first son. Talking to him still makes the world incredibly clear. We move in step in so many thoughts. Perhaps, one day, our combined efforts will wrought great change. Perhaps we'll simply grow old, smoking, drinking, and talking about the world.

Right now, though, he makes me very hopeful.
 
What I would give for some worthwhile work. I don't even think I'd make being paid a condition anymore. I just want something worth my time to do.
 
What would you consider worth your time?

You seem like you would be good with people.
 
A list.

1) Parents teach their child fear instead of acceptance.
2) Parents ignore younger entirely, locking her out of the problem that obviously is consuming her attention.
3) Parents die. Elder responds with moping and doubles down on ignoring younger.
4) Younger decides A MAN WILL FIX EVERYTHING. Tumblr comparisons start in my mind.
5) Younger immediately bails out on most important day of either sister's life to go catch some strange.
6) Elder is still in mopecity and allows younger to pop off like a champagne cork. Doesn't seem to notice or even consider what she's doing until...
7) Younger gets engaged. No comment.
8) Elder responds with irritation and a curt denial, instead of a) ignoring her like she had been for over a decade or b) just laughing at the idiot child, either of which would have been appropriate and in-character.
9) Younger decides this is the time for a blowout. The last ten years were just winding up her screaming voice, I suppose.
10) Elder panics, fucks up the scene, and does a supervillain heelturn. Good people don't cause massive destruction and only think "GODDAMN THIS FEELS GOOD." Elder, at the very least, has a sociopathic lack of empathy.
11) Younger decides that fucking off all responsibilities seems like a good idea, and leaves her command in the hands of her fiance(??), not anyone else who actually, you know, lives in the city.
12) Younger takes fiance's horse (???) which is clearly a show animal and predictably isn't tempered for hard work like climbing a mountain in four feet of snow. Horse proceeds to toss her and bolt. Surprise!
13) Younger goes hiking in a ballroom gown.
14) Younger FALLS IN A CREEK, and leaves the multiple layers (and pounds) of now-waterlogged dress on. And continues hiking. In the four feet of snow.

#Iwish) Younger dies about five feet from the creek when the blood in her legs solidifies. Despite being only a few hundred feet from the store she was headed to, the insinuative properties of the snow make sure neither the shopkeeper nor Poor Guy hear her desperate mewling. The wolves feast.

*cough*
15) Younger enters store. Despite having actually frozen clothes, she chats politely with the shopkeeper about the supplies she needs while frostbite sets in.
16) Poor Guy shows up. He's the least awful character, so I don't have much to say about him, other then his anti-social behavior frequently bites him in the ass, he seems clever enough to figure out how those two are related, but they never address why he hates people so much - Especially since he was raised by a horde of garrulous, goes-to-11-cheerful trolls.
17) Poor Guy gets himself 86'd. Younger's two lonely synapses bounce off each other, and she has something that's within a stone's throw of a good idea - Get the antisocial lump to do her bidding via bribery!
18) Younger starts talking to Poor Guy. His respect for her follows mine.
19) Dramatic wolf attack! All characters present fuck up dramatically and repeatedly. Younger sets shit on fire (on their wooden transportation) TWICE. Plot Armor prevails.
20) Is this where they made it to the castle? The sheer amount of tumblr girl bullshit from younger was flagging my consciousness. Oh, no wait, the pointless snowman. THAT'S RIGHT.

#WHATTHEGODDAMN) POOR GUY AND YOUNGER CONSPIRE AGAINST A CREATURE OF PURE INNOCENCE, NEWLY MINTED INTO THE WORLD WITHOUT A SHRED OF CONTEXT, GIGGLING AMONGEST THEMSELVES AS THEY PREDICT HIS IMMINENT ACCIDENTAL SUICIDE.

Seriously, what the FUCK?

21) Younger arrives at castle. Her impatience once again fucks everything. What should have been a quiet, seated conversation spread out over days is instead forced down Elder's throat. Yes, the one with the panic disorder and the apocalyptic powers who has just fully embraced her ability to ruin the world.
22) Elder loses it. Surprise! She creates a creature infused with a deep violent instinct to evict her sister and Poor Guy. Also tags her sister here, but despite her SINGLE GREATEST FEAR COMING TRUE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, she still opts to have her last family thrown ass over teakettle out the door to discover the effects of the tag on her own, on a mountainside, miles and miles and miles from town. Make no mistake. This is a death sentence, and Elder KNOWS it. However, she wants peace and quiet.
23) Younger antagonizes the golem. Despite her frequent protestations that Elder would never hurt her, she seems less convinced about Elder's magical lifeforms. Chase scene.
24) Is this where the soldiers leave the city? No, that was earlier. Nevertheless, Fiance(??) decides to go looking for the sisters, despite the fact that, uh, he wants them both dead and this is a magnificent chance to have the problem solved for him.
25) Soldiers arrive. Fiance(??) orders Evil Dudes to leave the queen alone, because he can't tip off the audience before his heelturn, even if he wants both sisters dead at this point. There's a fucking mess as Elder chooses NOW to have a crisis of faith about killing people, despite doing quite a good job on her sister a moment ago, and general ineptitude takes the day.


Suddenly bored. Probably won't finish this. Had a conversation about how nobody in Frozen makes a single good choice or logical conclusion, except for Poor Guy sometimes. Needless to say, I wasn't a fan.

Especially since The Princess and The Frog, an actual good movie with good animation and good music and good villains and good heros and good supporting characters, is mostly ignored in favor of The Land With No Threatening Men.
 
It's so funny that you make Tumblr comparisons, since Frozen is practically everyone's favorite movie ever over there. I was severely annoyed by Tangled so when Frozen came along, I was beyond giving it a chance. The more I hear about it, the less likely that is going to change. *puts hand on your shoulder* I'm sorry you had to go through that.
 
Of course tumblr girls like it, the main character is a cynical executive's idea of who they are, so they squeal and throw money without a motherfucking ounce of selfawareness.
 
I thought of a word for someone like me. Someone who is attracted to people they find attractive, without sparing much of a thought to gender, except as a means to contrast that attractiveness against convenient verbal guideposts. Someone who puts no rules on sex, opting instead to consider each situation on it's own, with as much of an open mind as they can muster. Someone who absolutely does NOT care what anyone else is doing with their bits. Emphatically apathetic about your bedroom behaviors, the words you use for it, the lines and divisions and segregation between men and women and men who look like women and women who were born men and the gays and the straights and the Lifestylers and the polys and the puritans and...

I don't care. I am Postsexual. Human sexuality is 90% the groaning trappings of millennia of society's ideas, and I will strive to ignore it.

And having come to this thought and this word, I see I'm not the first to think it. I think I would have liked to talk to this man very much.
 
I wonder if any country I'd be willing to live in would be interested in accepting an american as a refugee. It's really the best name for this crushing desire to flee the country, but I'd imagine I'd have to go the typical citizenship route.
 
The feeling, of having always thought Robin Williams was a B-lister. Not bad, not great. Never really made me feel anything, though. Even in death, ha-ha.

Makes the internet pretty fucking annoying right now. Ah well. I shall not impose on another's grief.
 
That's how I feel too. Liked him, thought he was a great guy but never knew him. And I have enjoyed about half of his movies/roles and of those half about 2 I really felt anything about. He was talented but he wasn't producing anything I'd watch in the last decade?

Tumblr dash is really annoying right now because everybody keeps reblogging the same quotes by him. I'd probably be more broken up when Brad Pitt dies. ^^;
 
Someone called imgur 'The Robin Williams Memorial Website' on the first day. That was the same day I saw the 'not robin williams' tag. I thought both were amusing then, less so later when I was using both unironically.
 
I read an article written by someone who experiences schizophrenia similar to mine - She described two voices, one angry, one depressed. She's also quite functional, apparently. It was nice. I wish I could talk to them, but I got the impression that they never, uh, 'bought in' like I did.

To whit, musings on the perceived physical experiences of my episodes.

I associate these much more with Trygon then Nick, though that's not surprising, as he always makes me 'feel' more. These are confirmed changes; My voice, tone and vocabulary, changes. My balance changes, I rest on the balls of my feet and lean forward. But I feel like he's there, exceeding the bounds of my body. My back tenses in response to imagined wings. Even though I bite my nails short, I curl my fingers to run invisible talons over my own skin. The worst is my neck. Trygon is acutely aware, all the time, that I'm short about six vertebrae, and that's just off the top.

Nick matches me much more, except for his wings. Of which there are six. On the rare occasions when we are in synch enough for me to perceive him in that manner, my back hurts. It's so much weight.

I've written down plenty about the mental changes they bring me, so I figured I should add a bit about the other side, too.
 
Feeling... Thin, lately. Impatient. Often angry. More draconian, as it were. We want to hunt, prey on soft flesh and weak minds, but there's miraculously little opportunity. That's my fault, tho' - I'm gunshy about illegal activity, and that severely limits the scope of what Trygon calls 'Fun'. Lack of money constricts the other side. I want to get well and truly wrecked, and open my mind to it's bleeding core, but pain leads to long downtime, and chemicals carry an unconscionable pricetag.

Soon.

Soon.
 
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh.

I don't have the temperament for education. I love teaching people things, and passing on my skills to people who might do great things with them, but I could never handle an ungrateful student. My mind starts thinking of all the ways I can twist their stupid against them. For example:

1priv·i·lege noun \ˈpriv-lij, ˈpri-və-\
: a right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others

: a special opportunity to do something that makes you proud

: the advantage that wealthy and powerful people have over other people in a society

I can easily apply definition #1 and #2 to A HAMMER, and you have failed to specify where I should check my hammer. I will choose your face.
 
I'd love to have you as a teacher and I would totally be so grateful. Just so long as you don't have a hammer...that might make me nervous.
 
In the wake of the entire world trying to reconcile old world power with new world awareness, a thought...

I've seen a new motion against... Vilification, I guess. This is good, we should consider all sides of any conflict, there's just one problem. There are villains. If we don't vilify anyone, then they remain unbranded, free to sucker the unsuspecting.

I've observed a great many conflicts, large and small, and tried to study the ones that didn't happen alongside me, and it seems to me that someone, somewhere, at least thought that conflict was a good idea, and made it happen. Whether you're shooting an archduke or timing a press release for maximum riot potential, someone made a choice to make things worse. Things get bad when these little worsenings pile up - A kid who's too big to be beat throws his weight around, until he finds someone prepared to throw harder - Perhaps someone who knows they can get away with murder. Someone sees a way to use a murder to make a political point they like... And so forth. Someone thought conflict would make things better.

This is a tricky proposition, one I've struggled with my whole life. See, I like conflict. A lot. It's the only time I feel like a whole person. So I understand why some people might want to light a fire and see what's left afterwards. So, is conflict itself bad? Perhaps only conflict-for-profit. This would, by definition, make all military and every member evil. They conduct aggression as a career, after all. This doesn't feel quite right to me, however. I must ruminate more on what defines evil.

Someday, I hope to have an answer. A hard-and-fast set of behaviors committed by the self-interested, who are willing to let others die so they can get ahead. And then, maybe, I'll get the conflict I crave. I'll set a fire under all of them, and all us evil souls can destroy each other. Then maybe decent folks can get something done.
 
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