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Hate fucking... that's a fine term. I will have to use it whenever the chance arises.
 
Notes for future versions:

Must learn to minimize talking. It generally doesn't help anyway.
When I feel his hackles go up, I must disengage -instantly-. He doesn't waste time, and if I do, I lose.
Generally, fuck everyone. None of them have a clue what they're talking about.
Respect is overrated. Seeking it is a trap.
Same goes for power.

Mostly, involving myself with anyone in great doses generally ends poorly. The few that actually understand the fractured mind are worth evaluating, but success rates are low. More restraint in general would be wise.

Oh, and lastly... Don't give ANY of 'em even an inch that they haven't earned.
 
Hm. It would seem most of these have come to pass, with a few modifications.

Sehr gut. Perhaps I should hang around a bit more. Tell me, friends, what's new and exciting in the land of BMR?
 
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm not capable of supporting a relationship. Right now, in the hour after ending one, that wonder nears certainty.

I don't want anyone else's problems. I have enough of my own.
I don't want anyone else's support. I have endless confidence.
I don't want anyone else's body. I have almost no libido.

For someone to make me happy, they would need to be exceptionally emotionally stable, and also familiar with my psychosis, preferably first-hand. That's a mostly impossible combination. I want someone that likes sex, but also agrees that it's kind of annoying, and a poor use of time. I want someone that is content to be beside me, and needs no display or affirmation to know I care for them.

The last few have been borderline sex-addicts with deep-seated insecurities. I am flatly done with those. Give me a confident girl, who would rather read than fuck, who can amuse herself without my help, who prefers company over affection. Most of all, give me someone clever and motivated, with big dreams and room for me in them.
 
I broke my fucking knee!

Wonder if I'll lose my month-old job as a result. No idea. I'm having surgery next week, and I'll be off the leg for 4-6 months, apparently. Fuck my LIFE. From my sister falling against my leg - The stupidest thing, it's happened a hundred times.

December 27th 2013 was the peak of physical condition for me. A man working at the clinic told me about when he had the same injury. He described his healed knee as being 'loose'... "but you learn to run on it"

oh good, I feel so much better.

Despite my bitchery, I don't feel too bad about this. Six months without the use of my leg will be crap, but my family is being wonderfully supportive. My bed is comfortable, my cat and friends keep me company, and I have a Playstation and a computer equipped with a beautiful new video card. I sleep, eat, smoke, socialize, and play, just like before, I just do it all... Here, now.

The pain sucks, but it's not as bad as I had anticipated. I also have plenty of knowledge in pain management from my time caring for my father... Very useful now.
 
*hugs* Pain, surgery, all of that..... never fun to go through it. I hope the recovery time is swift. I've no doubt you'll do what's necessary to get that knee back in working order. You're determined enough, that's for sure, so it'll happen and before you know it this time will be a distant memory you can look back on. In the mean time, you have people pulling for you and thinking about you. Hang in. And, you have all of us here too. *more hugs* <3
 
Recovery proceeds well. Up to 125 degrees of motion. I take a percocet and smoke myself into a haze at night, before doing painful stretches. I barely notice them. I gain 5-10 degrees a night.

Beginning to remember that I opted for being a wellspoken prick because I'm no good at anything else. Attempting to be merciful is fucking up my performance.
 
I think you perform gracefully. You still retain your grand air of maleficent aggression and dignity. But it's nice to see your powers used for good, lately.

I hope you continue to recover well. *gives you a balloon that says "suck it up, sucka"* ...It's all they had left...
 
The only 'insult' I directed towards him was calling him a racist. Being as he later said "Nobody will EVER convince me muslims aren't trash", I'd say it was a statement of fact, not an insult. So, what exactly are you even TALKING about? If you want me to learn a lesson, move fast, because you don't have much time left.
 
Oh man, those deleted posts make me look like a psychopath. *laughs*

First day of physical therapy. I tore it up. The therapist says I have a lot of residual strength in my leg from my constant walking everywhere all my life, and working on the machines today seems to back him up. My knee made the most horrible of pops while I was on the shuttle though, and the pain was so bad for a moment I thought I'd rebroken something. The therapist checked me out and the pain faded almost instaly. He theorzed that I'd torn away some scar tissue that was restricting movement. Apparently, these things happen. I got home and wolfed down half a pizza and then slept for six hours. It felt GREAT.

Also, I, uh, managed to have a successful date while locked to my bed, and now have a girlfriend. Her name is Leigh, and this is probably the most sane start to a relationship I've ever had. To whit;
Though we got physical the first night, that wasn't a foregone conclusion as it usually is when I meet a girl. We discussed what we both wanted afterward, and quickly figured out that that was a relationship. I haven't said The Loaded Words, but I don't feel any pressure to, either. I don't love this girl, not yet, but I clearly see the way to get there. And when the time is right, and it's true, I won't feel stressed this time. She's religious, another first, but I think I may have been missing that in the past. She's not as sarcastic as me, but she's sarcastic in the same way. Talking to her is easy. Stopping talking to her is also easy. She's considerate of my space...

I could go on.

Of course I'm on a pink cloud, don't have to tell me. Still, there seems to be a bit more... Foundation for lasting enjoyment of each other's company, here.

Here's to the future, everyone. Looking brighter every day.

p.s. Six times in one night with a broken leg. Still got it!
 
Tehehe... nice.

Glad to hear things are looking up on many fronts. I hope everything with your knee continues to improve. If you continue as you are? It most definitely will. Stay strong. And I hope things with Leigh go well. Sounds like you're on your way down a great path in that regard. woot! So, all the luck in the world with that. There's nothing better than finding that 'right someone' and the journey to realizing it is one of the best parts in whole grand scheme of it all. :)

As for the deleted posts? Err... <.< Well, I'll vouch that you aren't a psychopath. At least your journal isn't all tarnished up now. XD
 
Well, we've been dating for a day, so I don't know about 'right someone'... I just know that there's a lot of promise here, from a week or so of getting to know her.
 
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