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Grief and Disgrace make good bedfellows ( Lady Luna and Wolvenrogue)

wolvenrogue

Singularity
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Aug 21, 2011
This is an adaptation of a story I started several years ago with Pickle Chiffon Pie who no longer writes here and whose contribution to the story cannot be separated from mine and is gratefully acknowledged.


Lieutenant Robert Walker was a rough soldier, A man's man, but even more a lady's man. His broad shoulders, chiseled features, and rough rider attitude attracted attention from from nearly every female in rifle range. He was fun-loving, but a serious soldier, and in a fight was more feared than a grizzly bear. He like to drink, maybe too much for his own good.

That particular day, he was on his way back to Dodge City when he encountered the stage. It was off the road with horses missing, the strong box gone and luggage strewn everywhere. He found several dead and one young woman wounded and unconscious, Elizabeth McCan He did not know it but this was a discovery that would change his life forever. That day marked the beginning of their life together that was to end this day in the doctors office in Dodge when the good doctor was faced with two tragedies, having delivered Elizabeth a healthy baby for which she gave her life he had a healthy baby with a dead mother and a grieving and confused father in one room while in the other a young woman faced a far different situation.

Nelly McTavish was just 17 when she made the acquaintance of a young soldier at the Fort. They had fallen in love quickly and lacked the restraint that ought to have been shown. Frightened, the young man had requested transfer to another post and left the young girl to deal with being pregnant and alone . Her family had thrown her out as they considered her a disgrace and so it was that she found herself totally alone and delivering a baby that day. Her body had prepared itself for the child and she had been leaking milk for more than a week when she arrived at the doctors office that day in labor. However, the baby had been born dead, and now having carried the child she was about to be sent away still disgraced, penniless, and empty handed.

It was then that the good doctor went to speak with the Sargent and see if he might be willing to make an arrangement whereby his child would be offered the care of a woman able to nurse it and that young woman might be cared for and spared from further disgrace and poverty.
The Sargent was a good man, and even beyond that he well recognized his shortcomings when the care of a child was concerned and so consented to make the young woman just such an offer.
 
When the doctor first posed the idea to Nelly, her first instinct was to say no, but she had nowhere to go and no one to take care of her. Things seemed pretty bleak for her and she had been offered a way out. After giving it some time and thought, she agreed to the offer. Even though it had been only a few hours since her miscarriage, she forced herself out of bed. Her body was weak from exhaustion, but she didn't care. Her motherly instincts had kicked in and she knew that baby would need to be fed.

The doctor led her to the room with the lieutenant and his new born child. He was going to make the introductions, but Nelly payed no attention. Her only thoughts were on the baby. As she leaned over the crib, she looked down at the perfect little bundle with a loving motherly smile. In that moment she knew she had made the right choice. Gently she scooped the child up in her arms and made her way over to a rocking chair.

As she sat and nursed the baby, it was as if the two of them were the only ones in the room. She still had yet to lay eyes on the father of the child and completely forgot about the doctor. She was tired and could only focus on one thing at a time and right then what she was focused on was feeding the baby. Luckily the baby took to her right away and began nursing. That brought her much relief as she rocked in the chair. She had lost all purpose when she had the miscarriage, but in that one small moment she gained it back.

As the baby nursed, she closed her eyes to rest a little. Her curly red hair was a mess and her cloths were disheveled, but she didn't care. She was just happy to be needed by someone and a very precious little someone at that.
 
"Her name is Elizabeth, and I am Robert" the man said politely. "I take it from your actions that you want to accept my offer of a home and support and are willing to feed and help me care for baby Elizabeth? " For his part Robert was delighted that the young woman was focused on Elizabeth and that Elizabeth seemed entirely at home in the young woman's arms and at her breast.
"I am so glad! The doctor spoke up to all in the room . This is certainly the best possible outcome for the child, and will help Nelly to recover in the quickest way possible. Who knows , perhaps at some point it might you all to make the arrangement more permanent.
 
In Nelly's mind, she had almost convinced herself that the miscarriage never happened and that this was her baby. Then suddenly she heard a man's voice and she opened her eyes with surprise. Of course that was too good to be true. This wasn't her baby and he wasn't her soldier. Her baby was a boy and the cowered had left her. Now she was to take care of someone else's child. She knew all that, but it was hard for her to come to terms with reality.

"Y-yes." She managed to finally speak after a few moments. "I will feed and care for her. There is just one other thing I ask... Please. Would you help me give my little one a proper burial?" She looked up at the man with tears in her eyes. It was hard for her to ask because it made everything seem so real, but she wanted her child to have a proper resting place.
 
"Of course we will., and if you wish , and the doctor will cooperate you son may have my last name so that there will be no disgrace. In fact, if you are willing to care for Elizabeth until she is able to walk or longer, You may have my last name as well and we can file a marriage certificate so that you are not seen as living in sin. My wife is now gone in death and I know that her first thoughts would be for the child, and so are mine. She certainly has taken to you as though she were yours and given the circumstances she will always believe that she is yours, and I hope that you will allow her to believe that that is so. "
 
"Thank you for being so kind to me. Elizabeth can believe so for as long as you wish. I will take care of her as if she were my own." Nelly closed her eyes again as she continued to rock in the chair. With everything that had happened, she was so worn out. It was a wonder she was even able to stay awake. As her breathing slowed, so did the rocking. She was almost asleep but not quite. She wouldn't allow herself to sleep while holding the baby for fear of dropping her while unconscious.
 
Robert gently took his daughter from Nelly's arms and rocked her slowly but that was clearly unnecessary as now with a full belly she was peacefully asleep and surprised her father with deep burp that finished with a satisfied smile on the baby's face. He tucked Elizabeth into the crib and then quietly left the room to speak to the doctor. "I will make arrangements with the undertaker for Elizabeth and the boy. If you wouldn't mind record both children as mine and Elizabeth's and record that only the girl survived. I will see to a marriage certificate and take the young woman to see the parson if she is willing. If you know the real father of the boy, warn him, that should we ever meet it will be his last day on this earth and he would do well to avoid that possibility. "
 
With baby Elizabeth out of her arms Nelly quickly fell into a deep slumber. Her head tipped to one side as she slumped down in the chair. Even with the doctor and Robert talking, she didn't stir one bit. A tear rolled down her cheek as she dreamed about her baby and what might have become of him if he were still alive. She would have loved to have met him even if it was for a moment, but he was stillborn with not even the slightest sign of once being alive. Her heart ached for her child.
 
Robert felt heartsick never in his time as a professional soldier had he faced a task so grim. The wife and mother of his child had slipped away from him before his eyes just at the moment when the object of every shared joy they had experience was coming into the world. Even so he knew that the woman he loved so much would be happy to see her child alive and peaceful in the arms a woman pledged to care for her. His heart also ached for the girl who would provide the care his daughter so badly needed. Her baby had literally been snatched from her on the eve of his birth. Anger burned in the heart of the old soldier at the young one who had so little courage as to leave a woman in such a state. He was certain that if that soldier should happen to appear, he would beat him to death without a second thought.

He went to the undertaker and made the necessary arrangements before leaving a broken man and heading to the church to see the parson. He spent an hour explaining the entire story to the Parson and obtaining his promise that he would see to the necessary certificate and perform the burial services in such a way as to avoid further disgrace for the woman. Collecting the necessary certificate, he returned to the doctors office to finish the necessary formalities and collect his child and new wife, if she were willing, and take them home. to acclimate.
 
Despite her exhaustion, it wasn't long before Nelly was awake again. "No!" She cried out as she awoke from a nightmare. Though even being awake didn't stop the nightmare because her nightmare was reality. She leaned forward in the chair and placed her head in her hands as she wept for her diseased baby boy. Never before had she known such heartbreak as this. It felt as though her heart was being ripped from her chest.

When she finally calmed down enough to stop crying, she wiped the tears from her face. Surprisingly baby Elizabeth hadn't woken even though she made such a loud cry a moment ago. Pushing herself out of the chair, she went to where the baby was sleeping. She stared down at the tiny little bundle with tears in her eyes. Somehow, looking at her made things a little more bearable.
 
Robert entered just at that moment, and the big man placed a rough hand gently on her shoulder. "She is a miracle , isn't she, and so are you. She needs a mother and here you are. You need a child, and there she is, You need a husband, and I need a wife and here we are. Can we deny any of it? I think not. " He held out a simple silver band in his hand with tears staining his cheeks, "Will you be my wife?"
 
Nelly hadn't noticed him walk in so when he placed a hand on her shoulder, she jumped slightly. When she realized who it was, she relaxed a little and listened to what he had to say. "But your wife... She just passed. Are you sure this is what you want? I will take care of the child regardless." Even as she said that, Nelly took the band from the soldier's hand. She was willing to accept his proposal, but wanted to make sure that was what he really wanted.
 
"It is what Elizabeth would have wanted, and it is the right thing to do. This is real, and I promise to love you. " He picked up the ring and slipped it on her finger.
 
Nelly leaned back against the soldier. She was still feeling weak and he made her feel safe. Even if she didn't love him yet, she had a great deal of respect for the kind man. As she looked at the ring on her finger, she thought about how she had planned her life. Things definitely hadn't gone to plan and she had a lot of heartache along the way, but she felt she was where she belonged.
 
Robert collected Elizabeth's things from the doctors and stopped to kiss her cheek just one last time then sank to his knees on the floor and just sobbed, long and hard, his whole body shaking with grief . It was almost more than the man could bear. The woman who had loved him like no other and now she was gone. He had never imagined outliving her but some how he had and was starting again . He wasn't sure he could do it but he had to for their daughter's sake and for the sake of another young woman who had just put her trust in him. Still shaking with grief he tried to stand.
 
Nelly heard the sobs and peeked out the door to see what was happening. When she saw Robert on his knees, she hesitated about going over. Even if he was willing to marry her, it wasn't really her place to interrupt. Still she couldn't just leave him alone. Quietly she walked into the room and stood beside him. She wasn't sure what she could say to help him so she gently placed a hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone. As she listened to his cries it was becoming hard for her to stay composed and she began crying as well.
 
Feeling her hand, he wrapped his arm around her waste and buried his face against her belly. Slowly the shuddering subsided and he stood. "We both have a lot of crying to do. but its better not done alone. Thank you for being willing to walk this with me. You didn't have to. He kissed Elizabeth one last time and turned with Nelly to leave. "lets take the baby home and show you our home. It's your home too now. " He wrapped up Elizabeth and handed her to Nelly and picked up Nelly's things and walked them to the wagon. He lifted her into the wagon and drove off out of town and up into the hills where their cabin was nestled against the mountain.
 
Nelly held the baby close and used her body to shield the baby from the wind as they traveled to the cabin. When they arrived, she stayed on the wagon because she was nervous she would fall. With the baby occupying her arms she had no way to grip the wagon on the way down.
 
Robert got down, and easily lifted both baby and mother from the high wagon. and set her on the ground and walked her up to the cozy cabin . It had been a rougher place before Elizabeth had been around, but now it bore the obvious touch of woman and was equipped with many comforts that had not been there before. In the corner stood a hand made crib lined with both knitted and quilted blankets and soft flannel everything was pink on one side and blue on the other. There was a bent wood rocker with a wicker seat and back and it was covered with pillows and a sham and sat by the fire. Opposite the rocker was a great heavy chair with a padded leather seat. This was obviously Robert's and next to it on a table sat a curious stringed instrument. There was an iron stove in the corner and a kitchen counter and dry sink and pitcher pump to get water. The other two corners were occupied by the bed and opposite it was a loom and a generous selection of fabrics and sewing supplies.
 
Nelly first saw the crib and laid the baby down, tucking her in under a warm quilted blanket. She took off her coat and draped it over her arm as she looked around the cabin. She stood by the crib feeling so out of place. It was obvious that this had been a woman's home for some time. Knowing that it was his deceased wife who had made this house into a home made it even harder for her to touch anything. She didn't want to ruin his memory of her or touch anything she shouldn't. For instance the loom still had a half finished project on it and the dulcimer she doubted he played so it must have been hers. Then there was the rocking chair. How could she sit in it knowing that it was his wife's chair?
 
Robert saw the perplexed look on her face, and walked over to her and hugged her. He just held her a moment but then said everything here is your now . It is yours t change or keep or give away. My memories of Elizabeth are not in the things that are here but in the joy they gave her, and the best that I can hope for is to see the same joy in your face. Things are just things. Sit and rest a while and let me just look at you" He indicated the rocker with his hand. Then he sat in the big chair and picked up the dulcimer he set it in his lap and plucked the strings a slow quiet meditative song filled the room, and as he played the tears flowed running down his cheeks and streaking his shirt. But still he played softly, calmly a haunting melody.
 
With his encouragement, Nelly walked over to the rocker and sat in it. She was surprised when he started to play the instrument. Only a few times had she ever seen anyone play one and it was always a woman. As she listened to the melody it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't realize it, but she had been holding her breath and when the tears finally flowed down her cheeks she let out a hushed but painful cry. Even as she wept she tried to hold back her emotions. She had to be strong because her life was changing rapidly and she had to be able to change with it.
 
Robert finished the soft and mournful tune and set the instrument aside . Seeing the tears in the young girls eyes, he went to the rocker and lifted her from it as though she were weightless and returned to his great chair. He laid her in his lap and placed her head against his broad chest and just held her feeling her tiny boy shaking in his arms , His tear fell to joining his to soak his shirt until after half an hour or so the both fell silent having lost all the tears they possessed for the moment, though they both knew more would come. Just then a little voice was heard from the corner. "I think Elizabeth may be hungry. " he said to Nelly.
 
Nelly sniffled and nodded shakily. She wiped the tears from her cheeks before moving from his lap. Then she went strait over to the baby and took her in her arms. She sat in the rocker and positioned the baby at her breast to feed as she rocked back and forth. "She sure is a hungry little one." she commented in a hushed voice as she looked to at Robert. There was a small hint of a smile on her face as she talked about the baby. Having her to take care of was going to be a great help for the young mother to get over the death of her son. Though no one could ever replace him, it still helped to feel she was needed.
 
Robert smiled too as the baby nestled in to its mother and fed hungrily. He picked up the dulcimer again and began to play another tune, this one was light and airy and reminded him of a butterfly in spring , Seeing the hint of a smile on Nelly's face he too began to smile. One tune led to the next and Robert played happily as long as Elizabeth was feeding. After a good long time at each of Nelly's breasts the little girl was again sated and laying in her mother's lap looking up through wide eyes . She too had a smile reflecting what she saw in Nelly's face.
 
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