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【ｂｅａｒ＇ｓ　ｊｏｕｒｎａｌ】

HeyThereLittleBear

HeyThereLittleBear

Cannibal Queen of BMR
Supporter
Joined
Nov 14, 2018
Location
North Carolina, USA
╔════════════════ bear's journal - entry one ════════════════╗​

Hey there everyone!

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It's been a while since I've been here on BMR.


This first entry is more or less a kind of introduction and filling everyone in.


Leaving BMR

A lot of people want to know what triggered me leaving BMR, if anything had happened that made me not only leave but also delete my account. There's a long story behind it, but summing everything up, I am a creature that is very against major change. There was a lot of change happening on BMR and it made this site feel less like... Home. From DA stepping down to moving to Xenforo (which, if you ever talk to me you will learn about how much I hate Xenforo), I didn't have a want to be here. The site didn't feel the same and I needed space to figure things out. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to refuse to let things go. So I made myself put space by making it so I couldn't access BMR at all. With no account, there was no reason for me to log in at all. So yes - I left BMR.

Mental Health

For those who have known me before know that mental health has been a major struggle for me. Horrible mood swings, deep depressions, paranoid thoughts, and anxiety. It was a shit show for me. The good news is that I'm doing better. I've been pretty stable for a while now and although my symptoms are less, they are still occurring. Between my mom and Machiavelli, I finally was convinced to seek help and go to a doctor. I've started the process of therapy, and although I don't like it, I'm going. I'll be seeing a psychiatrist by the end of this month and should be on medication to control the rest of the symptoms that I can't keep under control.

Everything Else

Everything else has been... Well, just how things are for me. I've become extremely close with Machiavelli these past few months and he is my bess frenn. Love u mach. But, I've also been doing things for myself. I've been doing self care and trying to do things that make me happy. I haven't been taking on so many roleplays that I mentally exhaust myself, but I have been working on still writing.

So I won't be here in the same extreme capacity that I was before. But, Bear is back. Because I missed you guys. Xenforo is ugly and gross but I love the community. <3

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╔════════════════ bear's stories ════════════════╗

handmaid's tale (pm) - RedRose​
 
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╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry two ═════════════╗
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I'm ready for the holidays. Not because I'm particularly excited about Thanksgiving considering I don't eat turkey, but because it means a four day weekend. Work has been extremely stressful lately and I'm ready to rip my hair out or scream into the void over the things going on. There's so much drama there that I can't imagine how these people are adults and live actual adult lives. It's genuinely almost like watching a sitcom.



On the positive side -- Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Grindelwald has come out. Eddie Redmayne is only 95% of why I want to see the movie, though I could watch hours of him just doing nothing. Even more so when he plays a character in one of my favorite franchises.

I've got some branches out in the roleplay side of things here and I'm excited to see where these new adventures take me. New partners that I've never written with before and stories to enjoy.

Thank you all for so many welcomes back to the community.

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Hello Bear,

I had the pleasure of receiving your welcome on my intro. I am sorry to hear about your struggles and agree Xenforo's an acquired taste that can still end up missing the mark at the end. Regardless glad to hear of your return.

Would you recommend the latest Fantastic Beasts? I've heard some awesome things about it. Hope you get to have lots of fun over your Thanksgiving break! :)
 
Hey there, Slurm!

I love to welcome new members. It makes my heart happy to see that it's a mutual feeling of happiness. :)

I definitely recommend the movie! It's absolutely incredible. The story, the suspense, the... God. Everything. It's very different from the original Harry Potter movies but has more... Hm. Wonder, I suppose. Beautifully written. Plus, the way Newt is portrayed with his autism is just fantastic. So so so tastefully done without being disrespectful to the autistic community. It made me feel so good inside.


╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry three ═════════════╗

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As is always a common theme, mental health is a rocky item for me. Though going to the movie yesterday was a good release from some of the bad things going on in my life, it was... Strange. My relationship with the Harry Potter series goes deeper than just my love for the books. It's not just a book series for me anymore. If they were just books they wouldn't have changed my life so much. I've learned to create worlds and stories, made people in my mind. I've fallen in love and met my best friend. Harry Potter has given me imagination and wonder, a view on life. It's so many good memories. But it's also bad memories. It's the last connection I still have with Cody, whom has been out of my life... For a while now. It's where I've met so many friends that have all disappeared and gone their separate ways. It's the stories that are buried and some that are just sleeping. The movie was excellent, but it left seeds in my mind that blossomed when I tried to sleep.

Thoughts of Cody never end well for me. Paired with the chaos that is my life, I had a rough night last night. And naturally, life deemed it so that I would have a rough morning. It seems life enjoys delivering kicks to the chest when I'm already down.


The positive that I will bring from all of the chaos in my head is that though I'm a broken person, I'm still alive. So there's still a chance for me to improve upon myself, to fix things that are damaged, and to get back up.

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View: https://youtu.be/zouSojyIi94


A gentle song to ease into this horrid Monday.​
 
╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry four ═════════════╗
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I've got some delightful new stories in the works that will be popping up over the next few days across BMR. I'm also venturing out into PM roleplays, which I something I haven't done in a long, long time. It's a change for me and I hope I don't mess it up by forgetting to reply or just downright losing the roleplay itself. One thing that hasn't changed for me in my hiatus from BMR was that my memory is still terrible.
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[redacted]

Stay wonderful, BMR.

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Through advanced digital tech we've captured valid, post-Thanksgiving Bear footage. :alien:

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Hail, technology!

Sorry, couldn't resist! (y)
 
╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry five ═════════════╗

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I've been back at BMR almost a week and in that time I've made over 100 messages. One might say I have an addiction.​
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I'd like to leave this entry with positive feelings because I need positivity in my life:

Brendon Urie is the cutest thing ever and I love him.

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Brendon Urie is the cutest thing ever! xD

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No matter what, its always awesome to have good friend(s) and a support structure. You are doing everything right when it comes to that, rest nature takes care of using all the building blocks you put in place. Best of luck, Bear!
 
╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry six ═════════════╗​


Whee, so many things have been happening. As many of you know, Thanksgiving was this past week for Americans, myself included. I'm not a particularly celebratory person since I don't eat turkey at all so I don't really get my knickers in a twist over this one. This meant that I spent the holiday with my family and got to see some friends who came back to town to visit their family. This lead to... Developments.

[redacted]

Stay wonderful, BMR. :heart:
 
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It's a shame when people don't understand the seriousness of mental illness. People stare if someone's in a wheelchair but when we walk around with our anxiety/depression/etc there's no sign on our foreheads saying ''I'm having a panic attack but think it's a heart attack! I'm dying!" or "I'm so depressed, I slept for 3 days and didn't eat!"No one sees our pain. :( Do NOT feel shame for who you are. You do your best and no one should ask for more. If it makes you feel better, then keep collecting those stuffies! We all have coping mechanisms to help. If you ever need a hug or a chat, don't hesitate! *offers bunch of squishy fluffy bearsies*
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Stuffies always make everything magical. If you're ever able/willing post pictures of your plush-babies, they sound so adorable!

Dogged said:
Do NOT feel shame for who you are. You do your best and no one should ask for more.
Click to expand...

100% this. Hang in there Bear. :(
 
omg Toronto has those eyes i can't resist! Don't you just wanna squish 'em all the time?!
 
╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry seven ═════════════╗​

[redacted]

I will reply to my stuff. I will get to greeting the massive amount of people who have posted since i last greet someone. I will.

But tonight I'm going to try and get this low to be not so low.

Good night guys.
 
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╔═════════════ bear's journal - entry eight ═════════════╗


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[redacted]



I'm gonna end with a fun bear fact:

Brown bears can smell food from 20 miles away!

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Maybe a hint of S.A.D (good acronym) seasonal affective disorder. Perhaps a touch of sunlight will help you shake off some of the blues my new friend?
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