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That Hollow Feeling (Cinderella1181 and Mim)

Jude shrugged at Dean's question. "As far as we know, sure." She turned her paintball gun to the Hollow, but hit a tree instead. "Shit..." It had disappeared, and a small paintgun splatter wasn't exactly going to give it away.

"You see, Dean," Andy said, strolling casually from tree to tree in a wide circle around them, "this is the difference between my kind and these so-called 'monsters' you flannel-wrapped goons hunt." He pulled his service pistol from his belt, aiming it between Dean's eyes. "A gun works so much better than claws and teeth."

"Dean!" Jude's scream was lost in the blast and her arm seared in pain even as she tackled him to the ground. Blood seeped onto her sleeve, soaking it, but she didn't have time to notice.

Even as relief at Dean's safety washed over her, panic gripped her as she felt the slimy tongue wrap around her ankle and start pulling. Thinking quickly, she asked a nearby tree root to grow tightly around her wrist. Perhaps this was a mistake; now she was caught in a tug-of-war between the two, with her wounded shoulder being slowly pulled out of socket and her machete three feet from her grip.
 
Dean went over to her leg, grabbing the machete on the way and slicing through the air at about what he suspected was head level. He felt contact and was covered in something akin to blood. He wasn't sure if he killed it, but he at least got her free. Andy watched,for a second before taking off at a fast run into the woods. Dean zeroed in on and him and took off after Andy, he called out to Sam. "Get her safe."

He caught up and tackled Andy to the ground, laying a firm punch to his face, and then again, and again. "Are there any more of you?" He demanded. "Cause I am going to kill every single one." He jerked him up by the collar. "Tell me!"

He was sure he could hear her calling him, but he was blind with rage. He hadn't felt this kind of rage in years. It was white hot and it was lethal.
 
The sound the Hollow emitted was somewhere between a shrieking roar and a slithering hiss and was altogether unsettling. Thick grey blood the consistency of gravy oozed from its side as it retreated. Sam scrambled over to Jude, helping her up as the tree root receded. She staggered to her feet and started after the Hollow, but Sam caught her arm.

"Wait, you're hurt!" he protested, determined to get her to safety.

"I'm fine." She tried to jerk her arm away but he held fast.

"You've been shot, Jude." He fixed her with a stern, stubborn look and she returned one just as stubborn.

"This monster killed my parents, Sam." Her voice was surprisingly calm, even to her own ears. "I will ensure the discontinuation of your lineage if you don't let me go." With a regretful sigh he let her go sprinting after the bleeding Hollow, wielding her machete with her good arm. After all, they'd hunted down Azazel for the exact same reason, and he would have been furious if someone other than he or Dean had taken the shot.

~*~

Andy was bleeding profusely from his nose and split lip, blood seeping between his teeth as Dean wailed on him. All he did was fix him with those blank, milky eyes and laugh. "Trying to kill us would be like trying to catch all the fish in the ocean," he taunted, still laughing no matter how hard Dean hit him. "We are legion. There's only more coming after her, Dean. And we will never, ever stop."

~*~

"Dean!" There had been a hissing-shrieking sound somewhere in the woods and Jude had returned to Sam covered in grey ooze, her arm bleeding more profusely than before and several long, thin cuts that had torn through her leggings and caused blood to run down her legs. Her chest heaved from the effort and the pain, but she was alive and it was dead. "Dean where are you?"
 
Dean looked down at the wight. "Then when you get where ever it is you are going, you can tell your friends, you come near my family again and I will kill every single one of them." Dean dropped him back to the ground and in one swift movement, he took the machete back up, and sliced through Andy's neck. His eyes went wide for just a second and then his head rolled away. He sat there panting, and he heard her again. He got up and turnd around to see the state she was in.

"Jude! Your bleeding." He rushed to her. "Baby, you got shot..." He ripped off his flannel and made a tourniquet with the material. "What are you doing out here chasing after me. Lets go."
 
"I'm fine," Jude mumbled, making a weak attempt to wave Dean off but no longer having the energy to fight him. Adrenaline had kept the shot from bothering her too badly, but now her shoulder was burning and she was starting to shake. She cried out in pain as Dean wrapped his shirt around the wound. "We need to think of a story," she said as they limped back home. "He's been a respected member of the community for years; he can't just disappear without anybody questioning it."

Once Jude had taken down the protective vines around her house and they'd gotten her stitched up and she'd lamented the loss of one of her favorite sweaters she crawled into the shower and stayed there until the hot water ran out. She laid on her bed, wrapped in a towel and staring out the window for nearly twenty minutes, hardly able to believe that that morning she had woken up so happy, that this was still the same drizzle it had been six hours ago when Chief Parker had told her not to come into work this morning. She got the call to come into the morgue to identify her parents' bodies, talked to Parker about what would happen next, then with a mumbled word to Dean went home and went to bed, from which she rarely moved for several days.

Stage four of grief: depression. She had skipped bargaining, but everybody grieves differently and Jude knew that there was no bargaining her parents back to life. Nothing short of the power of God could bring them back, and He was probably busy out running the universe. She heard disturbances in her house as the Winchesters shuffled in and out and Rachel, her best friend since high school, came in to clean and to make her meals which went largely untouched. By Jude's admittedly vague reckoning it was Tuesday when Rachel finally popped her head into Jude's bedroom.

"Jude baby?" Her makeup was slightly smudged, but she did her best to hide that she had been crying too. The McGanns had been as good as parents to her, and with their real daughter completely shut down she had been handling things. "The wake is in a few hours. You need to start getting put together."

"I'm not going." Jude sniffled and rolled over in bed.

"Judith." Rachel's voice was firm as she chastised her, crossing to the bed and pulling the covers back. "You can go back to feeling sorry for yourself after the funeral. But right now you're going to get up, you're going to shower, you're going to put on some real clothes and do your hair and you're going to go accept condolences. What would the Rev say, huh? If he saw you acting out like this?"

There were mumbled accusations about guilt trips but it had worked. Jude was showered and put together, looking wan but presentable an hour before people started arriving. Rachel grilled her on when she'd eaten last, but Jude didn't remember and insisted that she wasn't hungry, taking only a couple bites of leftover pizza Dean had brought in the day before to satisfy her. Guests started arriving, bringing food and condolences, and Rachel pulled the Winchesters aside.

"She doesn't eat when she's upset," she informed them, "so we need to sneak her food without her noticing. A cookie here, a bite or two of casserole there, enough to keep her going and from falling out at the funeral. Think you can handle that, Romeo?" She folded her arms across her chest and directed this at Dean. In their sparse interactions over the past couple of days Rachel had made it abundantly clear that she didn't like him, alluding to having had to clean up after his mess when he'd left the last time, prepared to do it again. As far as she was concerned Dean was a toxic slug and she was determined to protect her friend from falling completely apart.

Sam, on the other hand, was a different matter entirely. Rachel graced him with a smile as Aunt Edna came wailing through the room, foisting a hug onto Jude. "Want a drink, Sam? Jude's got some...interesting family, and a little liquor never hurts."
 
Sam smiled. "Thank you, this has been a little overwhelming." He smiled at Rachael. "Hey, after all this is done, you wanna go get a drink?"

Dean had been strong and silent. He had been going through his own grief and even now, he stood next to Jude, a hand on her back, completely silent. He waited until there was a break in people. He leaned in. "Babe, do you want a drink? Mr. Jorgenson brought cookies from the bakery, I am going to go grab one." He smiled a little. He rubbed a small circle on her back. "Do you need anything?"

He had wanted nothing but to shelter her from all of this, but there was no way he could. So he simply leaned down in to her and kissed her cheek, before disappearing into the crowd. He went into the kitchen, but didn't stop, he headed out in to the garden and to the edge of the woods and sighed. He stood at the edge and just sighed. He ran his hands thought his hair and looked out into the dark woods. He sighed and after a few minutes went back in. He grabbed a couple of cookies and headed back to her. He took a bite, smiling and moaning a little. "Still as good as they used to be, try a bite baby." He held it out to her.
 
Rachel favored him with a smile. "Sure. Just one, though. Or we could, y'know, skip the formalities..."

Jude greeted people, thanking them for their condolences, directing them to where they could put their food. Someone had brought a guitar and already in the living room there were hymns being sung about God's mercy and the beauty of Heaven. She knew she should go out there and sing with them, or at least talk and be social, but there were a few people here in the dining room and the fewer the better. She didn't have the energy to convincingly pretend that she wanted all of these people in her house when she'd just as soon sleep for another week. When Dean offered to get her something she smiled weakly and shook her head.

"Just some water or something is fine," she said, leaning her cheek slightly into the kiss and watching him walk away. At least she had Dean. For how long this time, she didn't know; they had, after all, realistically only known each other for a year before he disappeared. She wanted to be with him, but what if it didn't last this time? What if she didn't like the person he'd become, or if they had different values? It was nice that he knew now all of who she was, and that she knew what he'd been hiding the last time he'd been in town...but was that anything to base a life on?

Dean returned quickly enough, offering her a cookie. Jude shook her head, wrapping her arms around her own middle. "Sorry, Dean. I'm just not hungry." It wasn't a lie, although she knew she should eat something. But food and drink tasted like ash in her mouth and stuck in her throat, and eating when she wasn't hungry left her feeling sick. "I'm sure they're as good as always."
 
He handed her the bottle of water and smiled at her. "Okay, but you know you have to eat baby." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. " But I won't force you. I understand, I have been there." He said quietly. He ran his hand over her back and smiled. They stood there for a little longer. "Hey do you want to go outside for a few minutes? Get you close to the plants for a few. They are looking kind of sad. They need you." He whispered. "And there is no one out there."

He took her face in his hands, kissing her gently. "I love you, you know that right?" He smiled. "Tonight, how about you and I take a nice long bubblebath. We can put on an old movie, and we can just lay in bed and relax." He ran a finger over her cheek. "That sound like a good plan?"
 
Jude sighed when he told her that she needed to eat. "I know hon," she sighed, leaning against him. "I just...can't. Give it a week or two and all of a sudden my appetite will come back and I'll eat everything in sight for about two days. 'S what happened when you left, anyway." Lives are divided into great, defining moments wherein the rest of life is categorized into "before" and "after" these moments. Dean had been the first of these for Jude, and this was the second, and she had been fortunate enough to not have much cause for grief in between these two moments.

Dean suggested they go outside and she smiled a little, holding his hand as they snuck out. At his suggestion for after the funeral Jude managed a genuine grin before leaning against him, wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head on his chest. "It sounds like the best plan." Her voice was briefly muffled by his shirt until she turned her head to the side. "You know me all too well. Rachel will want to come over and drink for a while, and I don't mind getting maudlin with her for a couple hours. Sounds perfect once she goes home, though." She looked up at him. "Has Sam been staying in the spare room? It doesn't make sense for you two to spend money on a motel when I've got a perfectly good guest room." Dean had been crawling into bed with her each night, but she was otherwise unaware of the happenings in her own house, having been content to leave them to Rachel.
 
Dean nodded and ran his hand over her back. "Yeah. He came over the first afternoon. He kind of realized we were going to be staying a while, so he came and settled in. He said he may go back to Kansas for a little bit, then come back. But right now the plan is for us to stay a few more weeks while we decide what we are going to do." He tugged at a curl a little and sighed happily. "But we will talk about it in a couple of weeks." He picked her up and went to sit on the swing that was attached to a tree. He held her on his lap.

He didn't say a word, just held her close outside. He dropped his head down and kissed her lips gently and rested his head on hers. He loved these moments, the ones where it was just them. They had been a little one sided the last few days, with her being zoned out and his just being there, but he was going to make sure that he got them. He threaded his fingers into her hair and smiled. "This is nice.Just being here with you. It is nice to hear your voice." He grinned at her. "It makes me happy to hear it."
 
Jude smiled back. "I'm happy to be with you again, too," she returned, leaning against his chest. "I'm sorry I've been checked out, it's just...a lot to handle all at once. It's just so hard to get out of bed." She frowned and sighed. "Think I'm gonna cash in my vacation days, ask the Chief for a week or two off while I figure things out, take care of the estate..." Her chin trembled and she sniffed but she managed to keep from another outburst of tears. She'd cried so much in the past three days that it felt like she'd never be able to cry again.

"Thought I'd find you out here." Rachel appeared over Dean's shoulder, looking down at them. "It's time, hon."

The funeral was traditional, the way the Rev would have wanted it. The Methodist pastor from across town had come to perform it, giving Jude his condolences as they laid Todd and Rose McGann to rest. The weather was still drizzly, appropriate for a funeral, and after everyone else had left Jude stood there, staring at the headstones. They were buried in the graveyard next to the church her father had preached to for her entire life. Now after some time spent searching for a new pastor there was going to be some stranger up there in her father's pulpit, maybe even preaching things he wouldn't have approved of. She would no longer be the Rev's daughter, no longer obligated to show up for fellowship suppers on Sunday nights, and with her shifting beliefs no longer tied to the church community she'd been raised in except by friendship. Acquaintances, really. She was no longer Judith McGann the preacher's daughter, just Jude the receptionist at the police station. Tomorrow she would have to return to the home she'd grown up in and go through her parents' things. She'd have to avoid looking at the bloodstains on the carpet in the living room where they'd been found as she puzzled out their affairs and decided what of her childhood to keep, what to trash, and what to sell.

"C'mon babe," Rachel said softly, stepping forward after waiting in the church for twenty minutes to give her some privacy. She wrapped an arm around Jude's shoulder to steer her away from the graves. "I've got a bottle of scotch with your name on it."
 
Dean went to Sam. "Come on lets go get some dinner, let the girls get a little into their cups before we hit home." He smiled. They went off towards the impala. He stopped. "Hey I'll be right back."

Dean quickly ran back up the hill to where they had just buried the Rev and his wife. He stopped and looked at the blank ground, that were two rectangles. He shuffled his feet a second and then finally spoke. "I know I left and it was awful, and I am sorry for that. But know that every single thing that you did for me. You were someone who I always looked up to and I knew someday I would get back to see. I didn't expect it to be this way." He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I promise you, with every single ounce of my being, with every fiber of my soul; I will protect her. I will love her and I will care for her. I know those words don;'t mean a lot now, but I love her. So much. I always have since the morning I met her. She is the one and only in my life and I promise you both she will want for nothing."

He sighed. "And if you happen to come back, as whatever. I promise you I will be the one to come and put you at rest. No other hunter. Just myself. It is the very least I can do for you after all that you have done for me. But I am hopping that you will just rest well in knowing that Jude is going to be taken care of. For the rest of her life."

He turned around and headed back to the impala, wiping his eyes as he did. He looked up at Sam and smiled sadly. "You ready?"

Sam nodded. "You loved them didn't you?"

Dean looked at him, the nod of his head barely perceptible. "I did. It was like a real normal family. It was some of the best months of my childhood years." He shook his head. "I loved you so much, but dad, well lets just say, after the Rev and Bobby, dad just didn't make the cut all that often in the top 10 men I wanted to pattern my life after. "
 
Sam didn't mention the irony that Dean had turned out to be their dad's perfect little soldier. He didn't mention how long it had taken Dean to pull his head out of his ass and see the man for who he truly was. Now wasn't the time for that; now was the time to let Dean mourn for what he'd lost. Quietly he slid into the driver's seat and let Dean drive them off to get dinner.

~*~

"We were so cute! How were we just so damn cute?" Jude demanded, flipping through their senior yearbook. It had started with whiskey and home movies with her, Rachel, and her parents. Another one played in the background, but they were paying more attention to the old yearbooks they'd dug out of Jude's attic. Rachel had also brought along rum and now strawberry hulls were on the kitchen counter next to the blender and slowly melting daiquiris were on the coffee table as they sat together. It was their third round of daiquiris and as they'd slowly lost the ability to taste the alcohol they were more rum than strawberries by now.

"Because that's just how we were!" Rachel flipped to the superlatives page. "See? Everyone knew it!" She jabbed at their picture, where they'd been voted "cutest couple."

"Hadn't we been broken up for like...six months but nobody could tell?" Jude snickered, leaning against Rachel. They had tried it that year, and it had lasted for about three months before they realized that they had been better off as best friends with incredible sexual tension; they just wanted different things out of a relationship, and that was alright. It fortunately hadn't destroyed their friendship. "Speaking of cute couples...don't think I didn't see you slip off with Sam earlier." She nudged her and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Dear God you picked the wrong brother!" Rachel giggled madly, not hearing the front door open as the boys returned. "He's a sweet kid and I really hope he's not looking for more, because I could definitely do that again. Honestly I don't know what you see in Dean."

"You just hate Dean because he broke my heart," Jude slurred. "He's a good man."

"Well of course I hate him because he broke your heart! Only I'm allowed to do that." She wrapped an arm around Jude's waist to pull her body against her. "And it's only coz you just break mine right back, don't you baby?"

It took Jude a few beats before she had the sense to stop the kiss. "C'mon Rach. What're you doing?"

"You're sad and drunk," Rachel mumbled, drawing kisses down her neck and fumbling at her pants, "I'm sad and drunk...It's practically a tradition..."

Jude moaned when Rachel's hand slipped beneath her jeans. She returned a few kisses and her hand slipped to Rachel's breast, only to push her gently away a few kisses later. "Dean's back," she reminded her. "I can't."

"Oh like he wouldn't cheat the first chance he got." She always knew just how to touch her, and leaned in for another kiss.

Jude pulled away this time. "No," she insisted. "He wouldn't. C'mon Rach, let's just...just keep drinking. We still got those vacation movies we can watch..."
 
Dean was quiet thought dinner, and then the bar. He sighed. He looked at Sam. "I am going to bring her home, hopefully to Kansas."

Sam looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Do you think she is going to want that?"

Dean looked at him. "She's supernatural but not in a bad way. She grows plants. And I would give up my life for her. I want to be with her. And only her./ But I think she would actually make quite a fine hunter." He leaned in. "She can travel through time. Imagine the recon."

Sam made a face. "What?"

"It's a long story apparently. I just. Don't want to be with out her again. And I don't think she wants to be without me." He smiled.

The bill came and he smiled. "Lets get home. You and Rachael can get it on again." He sighed. "I just wanna get home and get in to a bath with my girl."

Dean stood up once he put some cash in the bill. They headed out and made the drive to the house. He could see the lights down low and Rachael's car in the front. "Lookie here, one of us for sure is going to get lucky." He said.
 
"Who said anything about Rachael and me?" Sam ran a hand through his hair nervously then smoothed it down. Despite years of lying professionally for a living, when it came to women he still had a difficult time selling the lies. "She's not exactly my type." He chuckled nervously as he got into the car.

On the drive back to Jude's house he was contemplative. He'd never seen Dean like this. Not only was he willing to get himself entangled with some supernatural chick, he was willing to be monogamous with her. He considered looking for hex bags in Dean's pockets and in the Impala while he was asleep, just in case. And what would it be like to have Jude living with them? She seemed nice enough--she certainly kept some interesting company--but he didn't know her from a hole in the ground. And really, did Dean?

The lights were low when they got back to the house, and apparently Rachel was still there. The back of the couch was to them but it wasn't difficult to see the women making out. Sam froze, unable to make his voice work as he watched. Then Jude protesting...and struggling...then her resolve finally solidifying. This was the woman Dean was apparently in love with. As Jude scooted away from her friend and grabbed up her drink Sam made sure to clear his throat loudly and let his footsteps land more heavily than usual. Neither of the two quite inebriated women were very good at hiding their guilty looks.

"Hey um, do you need a ride home Rachel?" Sam wasn't entirely sure whether he'd come in if she invited him. Certainly watching them had been hot, and their quickie earlier had held a lot of promise, but he didn't like that she was trying to seduce the woman his brother was in love with.

"I uh..." Rachael clearly wasn't ready to leave.

"You're in no condition to drive, Rach," Jude said as firmly as she could through the boozy haze. "Sam had better take you home."

"Yeah...sure..." She grabbed her coat, glaring at Dean as though it were his fault Jude was making her leave, and with a promise of stopping by tomorrow stomped out, followed closely by Sam.

Jude sighed and pushed her hair out of her face, leaning her forehead on her palm. Why did she have to fuck up everything good in her life? "How much of that did you see?" she finally croaked.
 
He stood there, quite his face filled with thunder. "Enough." Was all he replied. He sighed. "I am going to go run the bath. You can decide if you wanna join or not." He moved past her and headed up the stairs.

God, how stupid could one man be. Oh wait, he knew, pretty stupid. He went into the bathroom and got the big claw tub set up and started to run the hot water. The tub was big enough for it to be a pool for Jude. He knew he'd barely fit. He stripped down out of his dress pants, his shirt, his underwear and slid into the water. It was that perfect hot, but not to hot. He turned the water off with his toe and sunk down in it. He closed his eyes and tried to process the new information that had been given.

He knew she was into girls, but what he had walked in on would be like Jude walking in on he and Cas necking. How would she feel?
 
Jude sighed and gave Dean some time to fill the tub enough to sulk in it before heading though her bedroom, into the master bathroom after him. She stripped down to her panties, then thought better of it and knelt on the floor next to the tub, leaning on the edge of it. She trained her fingers through the water, staring sightlessly, struggling through the liquor to form something that didn't sound like an excuse.

"We're drunk," she said at last, immediately regretting it. An excuse was exactly what that sounded like. "Very drunk. And you were there long enough to see that nothing happened. You were there long enough to see me tell her no. Several times."

She rubbed her face, accidentally using the hand that had been in the water, leaving beads of it dripping down her forehead before she wiped it off on her forearm. "Dean, after you left I...I fell apart. And Rachel hates you because she's the one who was left picking up the pieces. And every time I got hurt she would be there, holding me together. It's habit more than feelings, at least for me, and I stopped it before anything happened."

With a sigh Jude finally looked at Dean, searching for some sign of forgiveness in his face. "I love you, Dean. And I'm sorry that that happened, even though I tried to stop her. If you don't want anything to do with me, I get it, but... Please do remember that I did stop her, and that nothing happened." She stood, swaying on the spot a little. "I've ruined everything else for everyone tonight. Don't wanna ruin your bath, too."
 
Dean listened to her, his head lulled back, his eyes shut. He was quiet for a very long time. He finally looked at her. "I never, ever, if I am with someone even look at another person. I am with them whole-heartedly. I just am really great at screwing up and pushing people away. I am not going to lie. Watching you hurt. Hearing your words, helped but, you still were kissing her back."

He grabbed her hand. "Get in here, and later I am will make sure you remember just how much of mine you are. You will forget about anyone else and I will kill my average." He said. "I love you. I don't know why I do as much as I do, but I love you."
 
A scoff came from Jude before she could stop it, her reflexes slowed by the booze, when Dean "commitment issues" Winchester declared that he was always faithful and never looked at anyone else. "Dean, I watched you date three girls simultaneously in high school and not lose a wink of sleep," she reminded him. "You and I used to go to the mall to look at the Victoria's secret models and get a peek of girls coming out to show their friends the bra they were trying on. You really expect me to believe that you don't look at other women?"

Then he claimed that he was good at pushing people away, and Jude wasn't going to counter that one. While he had been adjusting to being monogamous, to staying in one place, to being content with just her they'd had a number of fights either because he was trying to push her away, or in which he did the same. She mumbled something about it having been just kissing, but let him take her hand. She slid her panties off and climbed into the bath, straddling his lap more out of necessity than anything.

"I dunno why I love you either," she admitted with a shrug, "or why I never stopped loving you. But God help me, I do. I always have and I always will." She leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. "You are the only one for me, Dean Winchester...Unless you're down for a threesome, in which case we'll find someone much hotter who hates you much less than my best friend." She smiled and nudged him.
 
He grinned at her. "Dita Von Tease." He smiled. "Or maybe Cas. I think my best friend is both hot an hates me less then yours." He chuckled. He could just imagine what that conversation would entail. It would be hysterical. "Your gonna love him." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"And to be fair, I only was dating three girls cause I wanted you and you were thoroughly ignoring me. Like, Seriously." He ran his hand down over her back and pulled her into him, rubbing her back. "And you liked the bra thing too. It was how we first bonded." He laughed a little.

He ran his hand over her back and smiled. "Lets, just go tomorrow to the lake. You and I.. we will let Sam and Rachael bump uglies, and do something about the house. Sam is good about thinning things out, you and I can go to the lake. " He grinned at her. "What do you think? Sound like a plan? We can swim over to the little cove and well.. you know." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.
 
She snorted. "Dude, if you could get Dita von Teese to have a threesome with us then we need to have a talk about the sort of connections you've got, because Salma Hayek and Catherine Zeta Jones are on my bucket list," she teased. Dean suggested his best friend, Cas, then mentioned that Cas was a he. She arched an eyebrow. "Sounds like Mister Toxic Masculinity has opened his mind a little," she nudged with a smile. "Or do have you developed some sort of cuckold kink over the years?" Then he started making the excuses for having dated three girls and she grinned, rolling her eyes and leaning against him. She moaned as he worked out the knots in her back.

"And I'm sure getting to know Marcie Hawkins biblically--well, almost--in the choir after church had nothing to do with it." She laughed at the memory of walking in on Dean fingering the captain of the cheer squad. The look on her face...! "You were lucky I wasn't a snitch. Also, you're terrible at plans to get women if you think that was what got me interested in you." When he suggested Jude frowned into his shoulder, thinking as she rested her forehead there. "I'd love to, Dean, but...I need to at least start on the house. They lived there for forty years; there's a lot of stuff, a lot of memories." She pulled her head out of his shoulder and sat up to look at him. "We can go tomorrow evening, after I've put in at least a few hours sorting through things," she offered. "Get some burgers, pack a picnic of sorts..."
 
He nodded. "Okay. We can do that. We can get a look around at things and get Rachael and Sam to work on doing the things that you don't need to be around for." He kissed her head. "Sam is good about purging things, and he is going to want to see what kind of books that the rev has, especially if there are lore books about peculiars. He is super into that. God My brother is a geek." He shook his head.

He ran his hand down her back and gripped her ass to him, pulling her into him. "Think that half standing up cabin is still in the woods?" He grinned. Fond memories of his summer here go through his mind. He grinned at her. "I have good memories of that cabin. And I think splinters in my ass still." He ran his hand back up her back and smiled. "I think that is where we figured out Cowgirl"
 
"Nothing wrong with geeks," Jude protested before leaning in and looking around as though to check for eavesdroppers. "I'm actually kinda a geek myself." She giggled, letting her head hang forward as the liquor had made it feel heavy, before pulling it up with some effort. "And the Rev doesn't have any books on Peculiar lore. There aren't any, unless you count Tales of the Peculiar, but that's kids stuff and I don't even have a copy anyway. Fairytales for Peculiar children, basically. Dad is--was--" Jude's eyes glittered with tears but she swallowed them back "really protective. He didn't want anyone knowing, since best case scenario was some of the more zealous members of the congregation burning me for a witch. Worst case scenario was...well...this..." The tears returned with more force than before. Jude sniffed thickly. "So he didn't keep much around so no one could accidentally find it."

Jude broke into tears again, laying against Dean's chest and wrapping her arms around his middle as she cried against him in the lukewarm tub. He brought up the cabin in the woods and she sniffed and shrugged. "I dunno," she admitted through her tears. "I haven't been back since you left. We figured out a lot of stuff out there."

As much as she'd dated around, Jude had never brought anyone back to the cabin. It was a sacred space, off-limits to anyone but Dean...and a source of pain for her. She was sure it was probably still there, but she hadn't had the courage to go look and right now she didn't feel like it. She just wanted to lay here against Dean's chest and cry.
 
Dean ran his hand over her back, he felt the tears leave her eyes and splash his chest. He rested his lips on her head and began to hum "Smoke On The Water" to her. It made him feel better, at this point anything would make him feel better. He was lost when it came to her. He wasn't sure how to deal with the kind of grief he was feeling. Every single part of him screamed to run away, go hunt, kill things feel better, but a part of him just wanted to curl up in bed and hold Jude. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do. The only other time he had really felt like this was when Cas had wiped Lisa and Ben's memories. That loss, that sense of needing to do something but not being sure of what he needed to do. He finally spoke, quietly. "Would it be easier for you to mourn, to get everything together if I wasn't here for a little while? Sam and I could go on a hunt, and then come back."

He knew how she was going to take that, those words. He wrapped his arm around her. "It doesn't mean I am leaving for good. It just means, I am going to go work. I know I can be cumbersome to have around at times, and I just wanted you to have the space you need. I've lost parents, I know sometimes you just need space and not some idiot coming into your life trying to help but really fucking it all up." He sighed. "Cause lets be honest, this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't be around."

Dean managed to say the words he had been thinking since the morning Sam called him. If he hadn't tried to get her in bed so damn fast, the Rev would have never been killed. He knew deep down it was his fault. Hell everything bad in his life was his fault in someway or another. He pushed hair away from her face. "Sammy and I can be gone tomorrow if you want, and be back in a week or so."
 
He was leaving. Dean was leaving again, or at least that's what she'd heard. Jude sat up abruptly in the tub to look at him, water splashing over the side while her expression twisted in pain and anger and grief. She opened her mouth to try and find something to say, but he wrapped his arms around her and promised that he was going to come back. When he blamed himself she opened and closed her mouth wordlessly a couple times. He pushed hair out of her face and she held his wrist gently, leaning her cheek against his palm.

"Dean..." she croaked thickly at last. She tried to sniff so she could breathe through her nose, but it was all in vain. Tears dripped off of her chin into the water as she shook her head. "It isn't your fault, Dean. It isn't anyone's fault." She didn't believe that herself, but she was familiar with Dean blaming himself for things that weren't his fault and she wouldn't have it. Not this time. "If it's anyone's fault it's mine. A lot of Peculiars, they live in Loops where Hollows can't get to them, or in cities where it's harder to get a scent and there's safety in numbers. I...I should've gone to Boston or something. Andy was here watching me for years. It wouldn't have mattered if you'd come or not, but I'd probably be dead if you hadn't."

Jude looked at him for a long time, tracing her fingers along his muscles before holding onto his arm again. She didn't want to lose him, but it was too much all at once. "I think maybe we both need to clear our heads," she admitted at last. "Rachael and I can go through Mom and Dad's stuff, and there's people out there who need you. We're...we're safe here, for now. There's a Loop entrance out in the woods; once I've gone through the house I'll pop in there and warn them what's going on. You and Sam go hunt down bastards like Andy and whoever that Hollow was, and you come back to me, alright?"
 
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