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Is this place Heaven or Hell? [OpenHentai x Sophia Titor]

It took all of her will power to fight back the urge to vomit, to expell all of the sick and twisted corruption that had festered in the pit of her stomach. She felt unclean and tainted for having given in to her deviant desires. She fornicated with the other woman on the cavern floor. It had been merely days and all it took was some information to make her question her faith and rattle her conviction. An Image of Castella entered her mind. The angel was heavenly in appearance, golden haired, eyes blue as the sky, just like Erisella, only her lips and chin dripped with the blood of her followers hiding her many rows of serrated teeth. In those deep blue eyes were lustful cravings for her feminine sister, matron of fertility and rape.

She gave in to her own desires because the pain of that repression became heavy once she had addressed it openly. It was easy to give in after seeing Castella as a hungering monster, the one who frowned on such deviancy according to the scripture, but learning that she too gave in to such deviancy, not just with another woman but her own flesh, a sister. It was wrong. Evil. Castella was evil, she accepted that, almost too easilly, but she knew it in her heart to be true, not just from the books and the forgotten ruins, but her dreams had been guiding her, it was all true, it had to be, but these demons, or angels or what ever they truly were, could tolerate such taboos such as feasting on flesh, raping the innocent and lusting after kin of the same sex, it had to be wrong, all of it, there were no exceptions.

Her body tensed as Ruta chased after her, collapsing next to her. She recoiled again as the other woman reached out to comfort her and carress her cheek. "n-no!" She cried out fearfully, turning and falling backward onto her butt, still upon the beach, staring at Ruta wide eyed, laced with disgust and horror. "P-please don't touch me. It's wrong. it's wrong...Heavens wings..all of it. theyre all monsters, it's all evil, corrupted putrid deviancy, can't you see that, do you not see what's happening? You're of Shava I'm of Castella, this is all one sick prophetic joke. I won't give in, I can't." She began to shake, her arms wrapping around herself defensively as the tears rolled freely down her cheeks.
 
She felt it. Ruta’s heart shattered. She clutched her chest. Her eyes widened and glazed over. “Wrong? You think everything we did was wrong? Everything we shared.” With her heart came the rest of her world. Shattering and crumbling before her. Her own thread keeping Ruta together snapped. She knelt as tears streamed down her face. “Please Eris. Please don’t say that!” She cried as Ruta began crying and sobbing uncontrollably. The overwhelming loneliness and heart break was crushing her. She felt like a literal ton was now bearing down upon her. Her eyes stung red, Ruta couldn’t even see what around her. Blinded by her own tears.

“Are you telling me everything you felt about me is a lie? Everything I felt about you? I care about you, Eris. I know that. Please don’t say that.” Ruta looked weak and pathetic, but she didn’t care. Her desire to stay composed went out the window when her heart broke. She leaned forward covering her face. Her pathetic, small body groveling naked on the cavern floor. She felt so insignificant. She was alone. She had nothing and deserved nothing. Her goddess was a corrupt rapist. Everything she was taught was a lie. Everything she thought she knew was a lie. The woman Ruta had harbored genuine affection for was now denying her what Ruta needed most. She was a hollow and empty shell.

She couldn’t accept that they were somehow tangentially living out the desires of their goddesses. Even if they were, what did it matter? They controlled their own lives. Ruta’s feelings were genuine. Yet though it all, heartbreak was all she was given in return. These damnable gods toyed with her heart. Shown her the first real taste of love. Now it was taken from her by the same damnable gods. What sick joke was this? Was it their plan to cut Ruta down to the pathetic state she was in now? All Ruta could think to do was wallow, cry, and sob. She felt sick. Ruta felt empty.
 
Sitting on the wet sand, hugging her knees close to her chest she continued to stare at Ruta who began to visibly unravel as if her words had physically wounded her. "I..." She felt so conflicted. Up until the moment she learned about Castella lusting after her sister Shava, she was not only accepting her own desires but feeling happily. She looked at Ruta with desire and felt warm, content. Nothing had pleased her more than the thought of them wrapped up in eachother in the bed they discovered, but all it took was one little story in an old book to bring her back to her self loathing.

"Everything I felt for you...a lie? No, not a lie" She bit her lip, fighting back her own tears. It upset her to see Ruta so upset over this. Despite their brief time with each other, she truly came to care about her. "Not a lie." She repeated, trying to steady her voice, fighting back the desire to reach out and hold her, to feel her close against her. She enjoyed her touch, everything about it, but it was wrong, it had to be.

"In this short time I've never felt so strongly about anyone...b-but, that passage you read aloud about Castella. it's just...I worshipped her every day but the more I learn about her the more I am disgusted. i can't get the visions of her blood soaked lips and rows of teeth out of my head...." She sniffled and sputtered but continued to speak. "The Lightsworn said Castella was adamantly opposed to deviant desires like incest and homosexual urges, but now I learn that she craved her own sister...probably while eating human limbs...and I can't get those thoughts out of my head! It's wrong. These feelings we have. Its like a disease, right?" Even she seemed unsure when she asked. "I...feel such strong emotions for you Ruta..but...it's a trap, we are being tested..I...we have to fight this..."

She was so scared, because she wasn't sure she believed what she was saying but she was so lost and confused and worried for Ruta at the same time.
 
“A disease? A trap? What are you saying Eris? Why are you saying such horrible thing? Do you hate me so much?” Ruta wept and sobbed more and more, the gut wrecking pain wracked her entire body. Ruta had never felt so small and in consequential. Were it not so shallow Ruta would have cast herself into the waters to escape this hell she was now in. She couldn’t give up. She willed herself to crawl over to Erisella and put her hands on her shoulders. “Please, Eris. You are all I have!” She pressed her lips to Erisella’s refusing to stop. Her tears burning and mingling with Erisella’s.

She placed her hands against Erisella’s tear stained cheek and refused to let go. She needed this passion, this care. This love. Ruta felt the spark, it wasn’t superficial. It wasn’t evil or corrupt. Ruta spoke softly, “Everything I once knew was a lie. Everything except one thing. This. What we have. Please, don’t take this away from us. It is all I can find to live for right now.” She kissed Erisella again. No matter how long or short they knew each other, Ruta knew this. It was their destiny to meet, it was destiny that wanted them together. She could deny the gods all she wanted, but she steadfastly believes fate guided them together.

“If I’m Shava and you’re Castella. Then is it destiny that we live out what they never could? What we have it isn’t incest. It isn’t rape. It’s raw, tender emotion.” Ruta tried to steady her voice. “This is me, I am Ruta. A woman who is lost and afraid. A scared woman who just needs someone she knows will care for her, and she can care for.” She kissed Erisella more and more. No matter how much she resisted. Ruta had to break through to her. Ruta would fight to rebind that thread she needed to keep herself together.
 
Her heart nearly broke in two at the sound of Ruta's voice. She didn't mean to hurt her. She was simply trying to make her understand her point of view, how she perceived all of this. hadn't Ruta seen and even felt the scars on her back? All of the pain of repression? Couldn't she see that this wasn't easy for her and it wasn't that she wished harm or malice, but she was afraid of what such desires could mean for them both. What if it was a gateway to far worse things.

Before she could attempt to voice her defense, to try and calm to the woman who looked as if she wanted to hurl herself into the waters, she felt the kiss as the grayward pushed herself onto her without her consent. Her eyes opened wide, her hands reaching out in an attempt to push her away, but she would not budge. The womans desperate kisses persisted, her soft lips clung to her own in a desperate bid for affection. "R-ruta stop!" She cried out as she fell backward onto the ground, the other woman forcefully pushing against her, kissing her again and again, desperate, lonely, her frantic words attempting to defend her actions.

She was already so weak from hunger, they had not yet fixed them selves a meal since making the cabin livable and she was weakened from having her beliefs shattered and re shattered, her own emotions were a mess as she struggled to balance her own feelings for the own woman and her self loathing and hatred of her own desires. Ruta was speaking nonsense about them being manifestations of their own gods. Being compared to Castella only served to frighten her more. She didn't want that, not one bit, not if she was some hungering insatiable carnivore that ate the flesh of humans.

With each kiss, Ersiella felt her own lust and desires rise up within her, but she continued to struggle to push her away "S-stop please, I don't want this, Ruta you're..nnffff you're scaring me" She wanted to die, to cast herself down a hole or a firey pit to burn away her sin, but she was trapped down here in this desolate cavern with a woman as desperate and lost as she was. The behavior Ruta expressed at this moment was exactly what she expected of her when they met, but had been proven wrong. As she experienced it now, she knew it wasn't who Ruta was. She didn't feel like her assumption was proven right, she simply felt pity and fear, because both of them were lost, they both had given up and were falling victim to choices they never would have made in the past.

Soon her strength waned, she continued to cry but could no longer push Ruta away, soon she was returning the frantic desperate kisses half heartedly, but her tears continued as did her frightened sobs.
 
Ruta looked deep into Erisella’s eyes. She knew her own eyes reflected nothing back. Empty and devoid of life as she felt. Ruta gave one last kiss and wrapped her arms around Erisella’ Hoping her feelings, her burning desire for companionship would resonate with Erisella in a way that her words couldn’t. She didn’t want to scare Erisella. She wanted her to feel the affection Ruta so desperately wanted reciprocated. Their lips parted. Her arms wrapped tightly around Erisella. Her head resting on her shoulder. Ruta’s tears never ceased. She cried and cried. Soon devolving into the sobbing like a small child.

She felt so lost so empty inside. Her body ached. Ruta felt a pit in her stomach and heart. Her energy was fading fast. She knew it was hunger and fatigue, but she hoped that if she just closed her eyes that just maybe she won’t wake up. Even through the cloth of Erisella’s tunic Ruta could feel the scars. She wept for them too. She wept for herself and Erisella. A thought came to Ruta. A crazy one, honestly it barely made sense in her own mind.

She whispered, “You were so steadfast in your ideals that you did this. You damaged this beautiful body. A body I’ve grown so fond of. If you still feel that resolve, if deep down you don’t think what we did was right. Then- then strike me.” Ruta looked into Erisella’s eyes. “I will bare you no ill-will. If deep down. In your heart. In your soul. If you feel what we shared was wrong. Then strike me, and I will never lay a hand upon you again.” An ultimatum. One that could very well destroy Ruta emotionally, but she needed to clear things up. So, they could move on. Instead of wallowing in confusion and pity.
 
She was grateful for when Ruta stopped kissing her, but continued to tense up as the woman hugged her close showing no signs of letting go, so she remained still, laying upon the ground, sobbing quietly. What they shared before was so powerful, so strong, and it was mutual. They both desired each other physically and emotionally. There was no gray area involved. Whether someone was to call such love for the same sex a sin, their feelings for each other were still mutual; consensual.

The struggles she was having with her own beliefs were forcing her to reconsider her desires, and what Ruta had just done was wrong, because it wasn't mutual. It wasn't consensual, it was an act of rape, something Ruta had vocally opposed. She wanted to condemn her for these actions, or atleast make it known that what she just did was inexcusable, but...they were broken, both of them. They were alone, their entire lively hood shattered, could she blame Ruta for behaving irrationally?

She remained frozen as Ruta lay atop of her, sobbing against her neck, listening intently when she spoke. "I will not strike you." She stated firmly. Striking herself was one thing, an act of repenting for sin, but she couldn't strike Ruta, even if she was asking for it, even if...even if she deserved it for what she had just done. She still cared about her as much as she hated to admit it, those feelings were there regardless of sin.

"I...don't know what to do. I feel so lost...so hopeless. I'm frightened Ruta, I don't know what is right or what is wrong. It doesn't mean that what we shared wasn't real. I just...I'm afraid...c-can we talk about this? j-just please don't do that again...you were scaring me. Let's just go back inside and talk. I'm not going to strike you, no matter what you say."
 
Ruta sniffled and swallowed a lump in her throat. She nodded silently and climbed off Erisella. A feeling that stung ever so slightly. Being so close, but now feeling worlds apart. Ruta took Erisella’s hand gingerly and helped her up. Ruta wiped the tears from her cheeks. She was convinced she couldn’t possibly cry any more if she wanted to. Then silently wiped the tears from Erisella’s cheek. Put on a melancholic smile in hopes of putting up a front and saving some face. It wasn’t likely. Ruta realized she’s poured every ounce of her soul out in front of Erisella. She was weak and fragile as anyone would be in her situation.

She held Erisella’s hand back into the cabin and quietly took a seat on the old bed. Ruta sighed and finally spoke, “I feel all of that too. I feel so lost and confused. I’m afraid.” Ruta shook her head. “I’m terrified. Eris, I can’t do this without you. All this calm nature and level headedness. It’s because I want to appear strong, for you. I want you to feel like you can rely on you. I don’t have your strength. I can only give you my support. I can’t protect you in a fight.” Ruta freely confessed all her shortcomings. She couldn’t deny them now.

She was just a terrified woman who has no idea where she is or what’s going on. She’s all alone without Erisella. That idea frightened her more than anything. She had flashes of suffering a similar fate as the single skeleton they found. Dying, alone. Ruta just didn’t want to be alone. She wanted Erisella, she needed Erisella. She needed that emotional closeness to keep her going. Were this any other situation, Ruta was sure she wouldn’t feel so adamant about this, but the truth of the matter way. They were all they had.
 
Erisella climbed to her feet with the help of Ruta, feeling a little wary of her now, but she took her hand and walked back into the cabin before taking a seat next to her upon the bed. She felt tense and strained and knew Ruta likely felt the same. They both had their foundations rocked and shared a magical evening together last night. She had never felt happier, and even today until she learned that new information about Castella and Shava. "I didn't intend to make you feel like..I hated you or thought you were vile or what we shared was..." She trailed off, holding Ruta's hand tightly, deciding that perhaps some contact would make her feel better.

"It's been a brief time, and you and I have been through a myriad of emotions in that small amount of time. I'm still attracted to you, physically and emotionally. I'll admit that up until earlier I wanted nothing more than to be with you....but"

She sighed heavily. "Please don't blame me for having these thoughts, for believing what I believe, It's all I know...and I can't help but fear it could still be true, about all of this being a sin. maybe it isn't, I don't want it to be, what you and I shared was wonderful...but you must admit everything that's happened is strange yes? especially everything we keep uncovering about Castella and Shava? What if it's not a coincidence what if there is a higher power...it frightens me."
 
Ruta nodded and held tightly on to Erisella’s hand. “This is- beyond confusing really. Beyond frightening. To say nothing makes sense right now is an understatement.” Ruta gave a light chuckle. She hoped this confession eased a bit of tension. Ruta didn’t want to believe that their being in this situation, or uncovering everything was all some test. It made her wonder though. What was it all for? Were they destined to speak the truths of the true faith? Ruta never believed the demon gods were tempting or testing Graywards. They had loose tenants they stood for and vowed to uphold the integrity of their gods. Though Ruta really had to question that integrity now.

“We’ve been through a lot in just a matter of days. I understand that, and under any other circumstance I know it wouldn’t have been such a whirlwind of emotions. Still, we’re here together, making the best out of it. Regardless of how long or short, something has happened.” Ruta took Erisella’s hand and placed it against her bare chest. Right over her heart. “You’ve managed to find your way deep into my heart. If this is a sin, then damn me to the deepest abyss, because I do not want to lose this feeling. I want to cherish it and watch it grow.” Ruta smiled.

She moved Erisella’s hand to her face as Ruta nuzzled her cheek against the back of Erisella’s palm. She smiled serenely. The touch was warm and nurturing, much like the woman she’d grown so fondly of. Ruta could feel her iron clad resolve returning to her. Sin or not, Ruta would not let go of these feelings. She couldn’t, because ignoring them would be only diminish just how important Erisella was to Ruta. Especially in this, their most dire time of need.
 
She felt conflicted between her unfounded fears ingrained into her by her religion and the feelings she felt for this woman sitting next to her. As her hand was brought to the naked womans chest she smiled inspite of herself, biting her lip while peering anxiously into her eyes, but it was as her hand was brought up to her face, nuzzled by that soft cheek, she couldn't help but melt somewhat. "You compared us to Shava and Castella. I don't want to be like Castella if she is how she is depicted down here. A devourerer..." She shuddered at the thought while finally resting her head upon Ruta's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for making you feel abandoned...I'm just as scared and confused as you are...I didn't mean to make you feel that way. but you 'did' scare me on the shore back there when you wouldn't take no for an answer...." She sighed again, before shaking her hea,d putting it out of her mind. "We should get some food, I'm so hungry."
 
Ruta sank her head, “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant if their love was forsaken, then maybe it was our destiny to bring about the resolution to the tragedy. I would never liken you to a cruel devourer. Nor would I liken myself to a rapist. I’m sorry for what I did, it was just my mind desperately trying to hold onto you. Hoping my actions would reach you.” Ruta confessed. She knew she was wrong, but so much was wrong and Ruta’s mind was truly on the verge of shattering under the stress and worry. This was cathartic and much needed. She felt something mend in their relationship from this. Maybe even grew stronger.

Ruta stood with a new resolve and took Erisella by the hand. “I’m starving,” Ruta blushed hearing her stomach growl, “let’s see what we can find.” She grabbed the make shift spear and walked out to the shore line. The crystal clear waters made finding fish all the easier. Ruta just needed to keep her mind calm and focus. She saw a large fish swim into her vision. With one swift strike, Ruta impaled the fish and pulled it out of the water. Dropping it in a bucket before hunting for another one. “Never imagined I would be so adept with a polearm.” Ruta smirked.

She, along with Erisella gathered fish and collected them in the bucket. Ruta would like the rummage through the cabin for anything to act as a preservative, anything to make their time down here a bit more manageable. She grabbed the bucket of fish and head back to the cabin. She paused for a moment and turned to Erisella. “Eris.” She averted her gaze and blushed, “I could you please…” Ruta nervously put her arm behind her back and held onto her other arm. Closing her eyes and puckering her lips in hopes that Erisella would do her the courtesy. It was embarrassing to Ruta, but she wanted it and knew it was best if Erisella was the one who initiated it.
 
She nodded her head slowly, accepting Ruta's explanation and apology. Maybe she was right, maybe it was their destiny to bring about a resolution. Perhaps there was more to uncover about the Wardsworn, but there would be no more reading tonight. They needed to eat and recover from the last unexpected horror they learned as it shook their foundation atleast it did for Ersiella, quite possibly ruining what she and Ruta had developed in a short time.

"I agree, food sounds good."

Erisella followed her down to the shore, standing by and observing quietly as Ruta expertly speared fish after fish. It occured to her that they may be something in the cabin that the previous occupant used to catch fish, but they could rummage around through the tools later. She laughed awkwardly at Ruta's comment about being adept at a polearm. Things still felt tense since Ruta forced herself on her. She knew that it wasn't malicious. Things were so...odd between them, she was still trying to accept her sexuality, clearly after todays revelation, it seemed like their wonderful moment of love making never happened.

As they headed back to the cabin she turned to glance toward Ruta when she paused, blinking curiously as the other woman blushed and looked away, before turning back to her and puckering her lips. "O-oh..." She blushed nervously. "I can't." She didn't want to hurt her, and she didn't want her to believe anything they had was over between them, it wasn't, what she felt was strong, but it was too soon after their ordeal.

"Let's prepare the food, maybe tonight we can sit together in the bed and talk..a-and hold eachother.." She glanced away with an embarrassed expression. "I just need some time, what we had-what we have isn't lost." She hoped Ruta would respect her need for some space, then things could start to feel normal again.

"Why don't you go get the fish prepared and put over the fire, I'm going to go and rummage through the old garden to see if there's any vegetables."
 
Ruta sighed. She couldn’t say she was surprised. “Alright, because I feel it too. What we have. We can talk about it. Hopefully with clearer heads. I’ll get started cooking.” Ruta let Erisella run off to the garden while she took the fish inside. She stepped over and embraced the warmth of the hearth against her bare skin. She needed warmth and comfort. Ruta thought she’d found it. The warm and comforting embrace of a woman that cared for her. Ruta knew Erisella cared deeply for her, and Ruta cared for her in turn. Now, all because of one damn book that warmth was stripped away from her.

Ruta wanted to toss the infernal thing in to the hearth. Kindling to cook their food, at least the damn thing would do one good thing for them. She couldn’t though, it held all their answers, and more than its fair share of pain. The book giveth, the book taketh away. It sure took a lot. Ruta grabbed some sticks and rammed them through the fish. With quite a bit of force. Ruta was cathartic, so impaling fish on a stick help relieve quite a bit of her frustrations. To which she currently had a lot. Sadly, she couldn’t turn to Erisella with these frustrations.

These were a different kind of frustration. Sexual frustrations. She only had one answer to them. She placed all the fish and watched them as they cooked. Ruta’s body was getting warmer from the fire. She thought of Erisella’s warmth. She could feel it in every inch of her being. She felt the core of her heated state. Her lips grew moist thinking about what she’d shared with Erisella. Ruta wanted anything to recreate that magical feeling. As if on their own, her hand moved to rub her sensitive clit and moist folds. While her other fondled her breast. This was hardly the time or place to be masturbating, but Ruta couldn’t help herself, if she could blow off some steam, then so be it. “Eris.” She whispered as she imagined the woman’s delicate, but strong fingers pleasuring her.
 
Erisella stepped around to the back of the cabin and crouched down into the dirt to rummage through the over grown weeds. She had hoped to find some remnants of fruits or vegetables, perhaps some that had continued to grow on their own. She'd take anything, so that way she could fix the garden up, re-sow and soon have a flourishing garden. Ofcourse that plan only made sense if she intended to stay down here. She had foolishly fantasized about living down here with Ruta earlier today, away from all of their troubles, but now she wasn't so sure. Regardless of how they felt about eachother, she had a lot of issues to work through thanks to all of the repression built up over the years. She had been kidding herself when she thought she had gotten over it so easily when they first made love, but the text int hat book, and Ruta's forward actions brought it all back.

Breathing a heavy sigh, she drug through the dirt, pulling out weeds as she explored the rich soil. By the time she had finished clearing the garden of the most prominent weeds she had discovered a vine of tomatoes that weren't fairing too well, a few potatoes buried deep within the earth, a wild strawberry bush and some peppers, along with mixed herbs. It was more than she could have hoped for. Much of what she found would have to be seeded and replanted and tended to with better car,e but she pulled two potatoes aside for their dinner, and made a mental note to herself that if they decided to stay here long term by tomorrow, she would spend a day sowing the seeds and fixing the garden up proper.

Now slightly covered in fresh dirt, Erisella returned to the cabin, potatoes in hand, freezing in place as she stared wide eyed and stunned at the display Ruta was putting on infront of the fire. her cheeks reddened as she heard her own name uttered from the womans lips. "R-ruta..." She turned away feeling somewhat awkward. It was her understanding that Ruta was a very sexual creature, and she was the opposite. Even if they did manage to work things out and attempt to build something between them, it would be very difficult finding a balance.

"The garden needs some care, but if we do-uhm-er...decide to stay here, it could grow a myriad of lovely things...I have a couple potatoes to go with our fish."

She bit her lip, cheeks burning hot as she tried her bets not to gaze at Ruta's body or where her hands were placed.
 
Ruta turned to look at Erisella. She blushed, her heated state made her cheeks red, but they flared when she saw Erisella noticing her. Ruta didn’t particularly mind if someone saw her pleasuring herself. She would even invite them to join her, but she knew this wasn’t a reality with Erisella. At least not anymore. Ruta replaced her hands at her side. “Good, we may need them because who knows how long we’ll be down here. The fish is almost ready.” She tried to act casual. Now her sex ached for the touch of herself or another woman. That satisfying sexual feeling suddenly cut off.

She took her mind of the frustrations however, and focused on the fish. She cooked them until they were thoroughly browned. Making sure to check if they were cooked enough. She never knew what these fish were swimming in. They water looked crystal clear, but Ruta wasn’t going to take her chances. She couldn’t risk either of them getting sick. She was thankful that Erisella found some vegetation to have alongside the fish. Looked like they would have more than enough to eat their fill. Good, they needed all the energy they could get if they wanted to continue searching and investigating these caverns.

For now, Ruta’s mind was on another matter. A couple other matters. Eating and Erisella. She grabbed a charred fish and handed to Erisella quietly. Then grabbed one of her own and took a seat on the bed. She patted next to her on the bed and looked at Erisella. “Here, let’s talk.” She really hoped Erisella wouldn’t bring up how she was masturbating to her. Ruta felt embarrassed about getting caught, but she felt no shame for what she did. Erisella was a woman she would happily masturbate to. Erisella might be put off by this, but to a sexual creature like Ruta this was the highest form of flattery. Ruta even recalled a time when a woman confessed to masturbating to her and Ruta being very happy to hear this.
 
They boiled the potatoes in a pot over the fire, and soon they sat together upon the lumpy bed eating charred fish and pieces of boiled potato. It was difficult to look Ruta in the eye, even as she addressed her, suggesting they talk. How had things become so awkward between them? First they hated eachother then they were making love and now...? Was she being unreasonable? Perhaps they both were. Ruta's actions today were certainly jarring, but she still felt something for her. Not only was she all she had, she was her first sexual experience, and a rather pleasant one at that.

"We're from different worlds and our worlds have crashed. For a moment it seemed like everything fell in place for us, but today proved that there are still problems we both have to work on." She took a bite of her fish then leaned her head on Ruta's shoulder. "I enjoy your company, but sex does not come as naturally to me. The more I learn about the angels or demons or what ever they are, the more afraid I become, but repression isn't the answer, you're right, but I can't just embrace it like you. it takes time...please respect that."

She leaned up and kissed her softly, but did her best to put real meaning in the kiss to show that she still felt something for her, despite all that had transpired in a short time. "Before we learned what we did in that book today...I had been fantasizing about us...living down here in this place. It was a happy thought. I just felt you should know that.So you don't keep believing I hate you."
 
Ruta nodded, she pretty much accepted this. Erisella was not like her in this regard for sure. It wasn’t a bad thing, it just meant that Ruta needed to be more patient with her. Still, she couldn’t help feel this was one step forward, and several steps back. She could respect her wishes, especially since Ruta knew what Erisella carried for her was genuine and caring. Ruta felt the same way. Emotionally they were on the same page. Which made Ruta happy.

She smiled and softly kissed Erisella back, “Thank you for telling me that Eris, it means a lot to me knowing you feel that way.” Ruta blushed, “Us down here together. I mean this is hardly ideal, but it still sounds nice. Not having to worry about the rest of the world, or all the damned things we’ve just learned.” That was just running away from the problem. Ruta knew this, but she felt with Erisella that she could at least be happy. Content. She could at least be content. As much as Ruta thirsted for knowledge, the knowledge these books bore was nothing but pain and confusion. Especially for poor Erisella.

Ruta set her food down and pulled Erisella into a sideways hug on the bed. It wasn’t sensual or passionate, but comforting. Friendly and warm. She squeezed her softly and smiled. “I suppose it’s darkest before the dawn, I highly doubt anything else we discover will be any worse than this. Now we can start from the ground up. Unscrambling this puzzle and finding the truth. Then maybe someday…” They could live and love together, “We can find peace. An answer, or at least peace of mind.” Ruta smiled, hoping this would help put Erisella’s mind at ease.
 
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