Hard to be in the Light if you find comfort in the Dark (open to comments)

[Atsumari]

Hey,

Do whatever you need to do. I know last year around this time I had a pretty horrible go myself and actually ended up in the hospital due to mental health reasons so if anyone knows that sometimes you just need to drop everything and focus on life it’s me. Get your life back in order but also remember to not too harshly judge yourself. Sometimes things in life are just miscommunication and it’s always best to remember that there are people out there who care about you and want the best for you. Not that it will do much but if you ever do need to talk feel free to shoot me a message and I’d be glad to at least just be company for you. I wish you the best of luck and I do hope that things get better for you soon. If there is anything I can do please feel free to message me.

 

[Ironic]

Focus on you and your well-being.

Hope all is well, miss you. <3

 

[Cypherxk2]

For now, I'm in a tentative active posting phase. My posts won't be as instantaneous as they used to be, mainly because I'm reallocating some energy back into my real life and writing things on paper. This way, I can put some effort into solo writing. Things irl didn't require me to do completely dark but for the past month or so I've been inactive in rping. I've been active on the site in a "chat/planning" mode, in case a partner I had wanted to talk with me about something.

So, for now, I've gone active again but that could shift as things change. On a site note, I've been skimming over Persona 5 videos on youtube and find that the VA for the player-protagonist sounds vaguely similar to Vergil from Devil May Cry in line delivery.

 

[Atsumari]

Welcome back.

 

[Cypherxk2]

Am It considered wrong for chasing a whimsical dream? Maybe, but I don't know whom would be more wrong. The one chasing that dream, or the one whom contrived the dream to begin with. In the end, both sides are probably wrong. Facts like that are hard to judge on.

 

[Cypherxk2]

Standing here, I realized something that I've always sensed. I hate myself.... I hate myself with a passion that never seems to waver. I'm comfortable and accept myself for who I am, but hate myself with every fiber of my being because it's by my actions that I sow undue strife within the realms of with my spectre treads. It is something that I try to avoid, yet becomes self-fulfilling even as I watch the treads of friendship I whole precious above most anything else burn into nothingness.

Is there something wrong with me? Must such grief tear my heart asunder as some foul demon of my own creation laughs callously in my face at my pain? It never seems to end. The tautness of a firm connection, a careless remark, and suddenly watching as the tread I'm trying so hard to maintain sudden snaps as is Death himself cut it. It ruins me, leaving me hollow and wanting for the briefest of moments for the Reaper to claim my soul to ease the pain I feel.

 

[Cypherxk2]

I feel as though a curtain of depression as started to close on me yet again. Through it I can see splashes of light but even then they seem dim and uncomforting. No amount of self-talk seems to help. Sadness seems like a recurring facet, becoming known when I don't want it to. I'm stuck in a place of twilight, not in the grips of overwhelming dispair nor soaring on the wings of hope.

Is this my fate to drift on the edge of the dark?

 

[Atsumari]

I’m sorry. I hope you feel better... is there any way we can help?