It was just human nature, wasn't it? Mello believed that people were inherently good, a philosophical ideal that contrasted greatly with his pessimistic outlook on most individuals. It was just ingrained into a person's natural programming to seek justice, to have the innate ability to distinguish good from evil. Mello just happened to be one of the few people left that radically believed in a world that could be purged of all sins, or he'd die pursuing that goal.
But even that explanation was too lengthy and Mello wasn't eloquent enough with his choice of vocabulary to convince Matt that this was for the greater good. How could he explain to him that Mello sought justice not for the sake of humanity, but... to satisfy himself? This was Mello they were talking about, after all. Mello cared jack-shit about other people, so he understood why the idea was perplexing to Matt at first. It was true. Even the blonde's motive for cleansing the world of all evil was selfish. He only pursued it because it brought him a freeing satisfaction to see that those he judged were wrong be brought for punishment. Perhaps he had some sort of a God complex, believing it was his obligation to rid the world of those he denounced were evil and unworthy of life.
If he told Matt that he really had no humanitarian purpose for his goal and that he could care less about those specific people that suffered in the choke-hold of evil everyday, would Matt still find his objective worthy enough to follow? "Because... I want to," he admitted without the slightest trepidation. That had always been his closing statement and it certainly didn't fail him now.
He was surprised when Matt, or rather Mail, also admitted that his name was just an alias. Matt might not have led the same kind of lifestyle he had, but in that second, Mello sort of felt more connected to him than ever. He tucked away that tidbit of information in the recesses of his mind and decided to address him as Matt for the sake of convenience. As long as he knew, right?
This time, he nuzzled closer to the redhead, his blonde head tucking right into the bend of Matt's neck. He wasn't sure what godforsaken, sappy feeling had overcome his senses for him to feel this way, but he most certainly felt something, and was too absorbed in the moment to resist. It was... nice to let go for once. To let his guard down and know that he wouldn't be harmed or simply misjudged for who he was. It was nice, he thought, to be loved, if this was what that silly emotion felt like.
His eyes were still opened halfway, gazing at a ball of lint on the blanket when he contemplated what Matt had asked. Why did he care? Maybe, just like Matt, he was lost, but instead of doing nothing about it, he had fabricated some general purpose for himself for the sake of having something to live for, a motto to exist by. He didn't have a grander purpose in mind nor was Mello some hero that saw humanity differently than Matt and thought it needed to be saved from the villains of society. No, he was none of that. He was so self-centered and impulsive that simply feeling that he needed to have something be done was enough of a reason to gamble with lives that weren't his own, all under the pretense that this was justice.
Or... or maybe he had been searching all along for something that he thought he could find if he weeded out everything bad. Something good. Something that he had never felt, nor seen, for the entirety of his shitty life.
"Something worth saving..." he murmured sleepily. "Maybe, you."
And if Mello thought Matt or anybody else who possessed the same, kind heart like he did was enough of a reason to pursue his mission of eradicating the world of all evil, he would do it.
Matt sighed at Mello's predictable answer, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips as his body just relaxed against Mello's own. Obviously, Mello had to have a reason to 'want' to try and rid this world of it's scum. But Matt was much to tired to pry, and instead decided to be content with that fact that Mello wanted his help. It went without say that Matt would help him, regardless of what reason Mello gave.
What wasn't expected, though, was when Mello started to nuzzle closer to Matt. Matt's eyes widened a fraction and his heart skipped a beat, nearly lunging up into his throat when the usually rough and tumble blonde showed his more tender side. If he wasn't feeling so shitty, he might have even teased Mello a little for it. But.. another part of him didn't want to break this moment. It was such a fragile thing that Mello was showing him. It was.. trust. He was trusting Matt. And the redhead knew that it meant he was pretty fucking special, so he had no intention to shatter that trust by doing or saying something stupid. Instead, Matt just smiled to himself and closed his eyed, his arms wrapping around Mello to encase him in warmth. One hand remained steady on Mello's back, simply holding him near, while the other hand lifted to curiously run through the other's golden locks. As expected, Mello's hair was as smooth as silk.
Slowly, though, his eyes would peek open when he heard Mello's next words. Quietly, Matt would stare over Mello's shoulder into the darkness of the room, his pulse slowing a bit as he thought over the words. It felt nice to be called 'worth' anything at all, but Matt couldn't quite bring himself to agree that he was worth being saved from anything. He felt as though he were the embodiment of what he hated about this forsaken word. He had the ability to make a change, and yet, without Mello to guide the way, Matt knew he would be doing nothing about it.
"Heh.. I don't know about that. But, I guess for you, I'll try and become someone worth all that." He sighed, figuring that now he'd have to get off his lazy ass more and be more productive. Well, it wasn't such a bummer he supposed. Because now, for the first time in his life, Matt had a purpose. A direction. And that direction was wherever the hell Mello decided he wanted to go.
The corner of Mello's lips twitched in slight agitation as Matt ran his fingers through his hair. It was a gesture so gentle and foreign to him that he felt like an abused animal treated lovingly for the first time. His momentary display of aggression was short-lived as his muscles visibly relaxed against Matt, his body succumbing to the spell the other male had bound him under.
Drowsiness took over shortly after their heart-to-heart chat under the blanket. Mello hadn't thought it would be this easy to fall asleep next to anyone since his experiences with sharing a resting spot were few to nonexistent due to the blonde's antisocial nature. With Matt, the reassurance of knowing he was safe came with the sweet temptation of sleep, and Mello couldn't remember how long it had been since he had truly put his mind at ease while he dozed off.
It was five in the morning when Mello came to, the uncomfortable crick in his neck throbbing just enough to rouse him awake. To say Mello felt groggy was an understatement at this point. He glanced at Matt who was still sleeping, sweeping back his fringe to feel for any fluctuation from his normal temperature. His fever had gone down, the residual warmth from it shy against the palm of his hand. Mello couldn't believe that both of them had ditched their sixth period and Matt had gotten himself poisoned in just day one of their lives mingling together. Life was definitely a lot more exciting with Matt around but Mello was a lot busier on top of that, having to fret about what stupid thing the impulsive redhead might do next to save Mello's ass again.
Knowing that Matt would have to eat a hearty breakfast to replenish all the nutrients he had consumed yesterday, Mello pulled on a thick jacket and headed out to go grocery shopping. When he returned just half an hour later with two plastic bags of groceries hung around his wrist, a thin layer of snow had accumulated on top of Mello's hood. It was freezing outside and his trip to the grocery store had taken twice as long due to the fresh snow piled on the pavements.
He sorted the chocolate bars into a separate cabinet and cracked some eggs into a frying pan to make ham and vegetable omelets. Again, his meals were simple but not lacking the hefty nutrients one would need from a square meal. While he cooked, he briefly wondered what Matt's favorite food was, but shook the thought from his head when he caught himself thinking he should make it for him sometime. As if! If Matt expected this sort of charity everyday, he needed to earn his share. Mello huffed, glancing at the plastic bag that still had a few more items inside it.
Underneath everything was a green toothbrush he had bought for Matt. It wasn't much, but if Matt intended to stay with him and not with his prick of a stepfather, then... a few adjustments needed to be made in the apartment now accommodating two.
