Wildlands (rskde & BurningWillows)

[BurningWillows]

She reached out automatically, wanting to touch it. Then she paused. When they had stopped at Casper to pack up, Al hadn't been able to even look at Emberly's room so Arya had. Most of it she threw out, except a few of Em's personal belongings, the little things that could remind her of her best friend. She hadn't been able to give any of them to Al yet...she wasn't sure when the best time would be. But the dog tags...these only belonged to him.

"I don't blame you for this," she pointed at it then dropped her arm, "Kat's outburst is as much towards herself as it is to the cartel. She's struggling. And everyone else has a hard time trusting. I hadn't meant to shun you the other day. Talking about my lost comrades...its hard.

But this, we need to give this to Al. You need to give this to Al. C'mon, I'll go with you. He deserves her dog tags."

 

[Risky]

He visibly gulps, Al was the last person he wanted to see. Considering that he might be blamed for the man's girlfriend, Lion's first instinct is to get as far away from Al as possible.

"Listen.. I don't know what would happen to me or Al if I brought these to him, I know he already hates me, and I know what he is going through, I know your a doctor and I shouldn't question you but do you honestly think it'd be a good idea for me to bring these to him?" He asks nervously, slipping the tags into his pocket for the moment.

 

[BurningWillows]

Arya thought it over, understanding where he was coming from. Al could be grateful for the tags, but Lion was right. He was indeed still grieving Em and anything could happen.

"If your more comfortable with it, I can take them alone to him. Unless you would like to come, to get a chance to say something?"

 

[Risky]

He pulls the tags from his pocket, offering them to Arya. "Take them to him, I don't want to see someone I hurt so badly." He explains to her before quickly leaving the room, he walks to his own room and locks the door behind him, flopping down on to the bed and falling asleep.

 

[BurningWillows]

Arya swallowed loudly after he left, knowing this conversation would not be bright. Making her way up to Al's room she knocked lightly, not wanting to wake him if he was already in bed.

 

[Risky]

He sits up and calls out to whoever is knocking on the door. "It's open!" He calls out.

He spins his Karambit curve knife around his finger, occupying himself as he waits for the person to come into the room.

 

[BurningWillows]

Hearing him, she opens the door and steps in, smiling at him as much she can with the certain weight in her palm.

"I have something for you," she murmured, "But first...how are you doing Al?"

 

[Risky]

He continues to spin the curved knife on his finger, biting his lip before answering her. "I'm doing as good as a guy who watched his girlfriends head get blown open by a revolver can be." He answers.

"It's really never something I'll get over.. What'd you bring me?" He asks her, watching her carefully as if thinking she was now against him.

 

[BurningWillows]

Arya pales, shocked at his omission to his feels, and worse knowing the hot metal in her palm was not going to make things any better. Still, it was his to have.

"Here," stepping forward she placed it in his palm, curling his fingers over it, "It belongs to you. I know she would want you to have them. I'm going...I'll be off then Al. Should, you know, uh...head to bed."

The tension felt thick in the room, placing such a hefty reminder in his palm. Strolling quickly, Arya gets out, closing the door with a soft click before returning to her quarters to try and catch some sleep.

 

[Risky]

Al takes the tags from her, reading them carefully before placing them on to his desk, watching the doctor leave before sighing, running a hand through his hair as he thinks.

He sticks his knife into the end table next to his bed before laying down and closing his eyes, slipping into his nightmarish mind for another night.

 

[BurningWillows]

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Morning comes and Katerina slips out of bed silently, not wanting to wake Winters. Changing into her day clothes she sneaks out, wanting to grab a bowl of cereal for breakfast before facing the music and talking to Shrake.

After her quick and plain breakfast, Kat wanders over to Shrake's office, knocking on the closed door. She's not even sure if anyone is up at this point, or if he's in his office yet.

 

[Risky]

Shrake blinks when he hears the knock, he rolls up his map and slips it into his desk before sighing, wondering who was bothering him at this ungodly hour.

"Come in!" He calls out, leaning back in his chair as he watches the door.

 

[BurningWillows]

Kat opened the door a crack, popping her head in.

"Hey sir, can we talk for a minute?"

Opening the door wider she let herself in, closing the door with a soft click behind her. Taking a seat, she wrung her hands, feeling nervous. It was hard not to, but she had never shown anything but confidence in front of the team, aside for Winters. She tried to hide it, but it was obviously at the goosebumps on her arms, and the way she fidgeted.

"So uh, I found something out yesterday," she started, her voice soft as she explained everything, leaving nothing out.

Sometimes complete honesty was her only option.

"...so yeah. I'm not sure I have a job anymore," she sighed, "And I...I was just hoping that you would keep me on this team. I know I'm hard to deal with at times, but I really, really need this."

And I don't want to leave Kevin.

 

[Risky]

Shrake raises his eyebrows, listening to her before leaning back, shrugging.

"I know you and Winters have a thing going on, but you did choose to kill one of my best operatives to save a Ghost who you had basically just met, and honestly, those kind've things are like a criminal record in a job like this, they make me hesitant to agree to letting you stay." He says to her.

"So I'm making you understand, Winters is not your first priority, if you're going to be on my team, then my team is your first priority. Everyone. You treat them as if you care about them like family, and if it comes down to it, you scar yourself before you scar this team, because the next time it happens, you're on the next flight to Miami Federal Prison for treason, you understand?" He asks her coldly.

 

[BurningWillows]

Katerina paled as he started to speak, her stomach falling. So he did blame her for Ember's death. Like she had wanted that. She...she hadn't wanted anyone to die.

"Shrake, I...what happened that night should have never happened. I didn't want...I don't know what to tell you. Narcos refused to let me sacrifice myself. And then Em, she volunteered. I don't expect you to forgive what happened, but Winters wasn't my first priority. Killing that fucking bastard who has ruined my life is."

Her voice shook, mostly with anger at the man who'd made her life absolute hell for six years.

"Please let me stay," she exclaimed, "I want to see that man dead. I want to see that entire cartel destroyed. More than anyone. I, I can be useful."

A thought hit her, her words reminding her of something. She made a note to speak to Lion after...provided Shrake didn't ship her off.

 

[Risky]

"More than anybody? Katerina, you obviously can't stop thinking about yourself, do you know my marksman, Al? The man who can probably never love another woman again because of what happened? If anybody is getting a shot at skull face, it's him, so I'm gonna need another half decent reason to let you stay on the best Special Forces team ever trained by the United States, when you haven't ever endured the training for it." He says to her, his eyes piercing into hers.

 

[BurningWillows]

Katerina looked down at her hands shaking, trying to control the urge to cry. This wasn't selfishness. It...it was revenge.

"Do you know how Narcos likes his women?" she whispered, unable to raise her voice any higher, "Not confident, not strong. He likes...weaknesses. Secrets. Blackmail. He likes them begging. Screaming. His wives? They were once whores. Now they are like cattle, forced to stay under his rule to raise his children. And me..."

Her voice shook, "Narcos doesn't fall in love easy. You know what he likes most?"

Her eyes finally looked up drilling into his, "Rape. Torture. When he wants it, he gets it. But he won't put the work in. No he'll come in the dead of night, wake you up and force you to fuck him with a gun pointed at your head. And by the time your begging your handler to come home, they say your in too deep and you've almost got him where they want him. So you let him rape you. You don't give consent because he never asks. Eventually, eventually you forget its rape. You pretend you like it just to make time pass faster. And the better you fuck him, the longer you live. And then one night you do so well, your brain so numb on alcohol to try and forget the repulsive man penetrating you. And somehow he sees you differently. He teaches you how to fight, even though you already know how. He brings you along to things, because your the piece of ass he can show off. And on the days you try not to go he beats you, and then fucks you some more because he got off on beating you. So eventually...eventually you grow a thicker skin to hide all the shit and the pain and the years of torment. Eventually you become the monster your sleeping with, so that you can't feel the hate in yourself."

Tears fell down her face, her nails digging so hard into her fisted palms that she was bleeding.

"I'm sorry I'm not some open book for you all to read. I'm sorry I didn't come from a good background, and got proper training, and feel confident in my place in the world. I'm sorry for all the fucking times I didn't pop a cap in that man's skull because 'they weren't my damn orders'."

She stood, afraid she was going to completely unravel in front of him, "I made a monster fall in love with me for the sake of my country, and I'm never going to be rid of those memories. So sue me if I'm selfish."

Katerina had nothing for this team. No usefulness. Winters had been optimistic but she knew better. Shrake saw her as an untrustworthy liability. And no he had ammo against her, Kat spilling her worst secrets like word vomit.

"I'll go pack my things," she muttered, walking to the door, "Narcos is going to die one way or another Shrake, and no living soul is going to stop me from ending that bastard and everything he holds dear."

 

[Risky]

He just watches her go, still leaned back in his seat. Now Katerina had gone rouge, and she wants to kill the top dog of Bolivia. He pulls out his map again and begins to start marking it again. Even though Katerina had a perfectly good revenge reason to kill Skull Face, Al still had a better reason, the man was broken, and Shrake can tell, even though Al can still operate, he can never love again, never look at anybody the same way.. If he doesn't kill Narcos, it will haunt him for the rest of his years.

 

[BurningWillows]

Katerina stormed through the halls, practically running into Arya in her haste. The doctor looked confused, wondering if everything was okay.

"Fine. Just got bad news," Katerina clipped, "Have you seen Winters?"

"Uh, no. Try the roof. I saw Red going into his room, so someone has to be on patrol."

She nodded, thanking and walking away, trying to hide the raw hate and fear boiling in her, Shrake dragging all those memories to the surface. She needed Kevin. He always made her feel better, no matter the problem.

Sure enough Winters was on the roof, having probably just woken to get on patrol.

"Babe-" Kat's voice broke, unable to say more as new tears threatened to spill and she stepped up beside him, "K-kevin. I have...to leave..."

 

[BurningWillows]

Red yawned, showering and changing into new clothes. He had taken the night shift, so he had the rest of the day off of patrol for once. He didn't mind though, he liked being helpful.

Before he could head to bed though he realized he had left his watch on the roof, having taken it off and placed it on one of the ledges. He needed it for the alarm on it. Sighing, he made his groggy way back up to the roof, in time to see Kat fall into Snowy's arms, looking beside herself. Red paused, unsure whether to proceed or wait inside the stairwell.

 

[Risky]

He catches her and looks into her eyes, worriedly. "What? Why? Don't be so hasty.. Did Shrake say you had to leave?" He asks her.

He holds her, laying his head on to her shoulder as he thinks to himself, every ounce of his will refusing to believe that she was going to leave him alone here.

 

[BurningWillows]

"I have no value to the team, no training," she whispered in his ear, holding him tightly to her, "I'm not a Ghost and this team has made it clear from the start. I have no use here, no hold. I'm a former CIA agent, not a Ghost recon member. I'm...I'm leaving Kevin. I have to finish what I started with Narcos."

She tugged him closer, burying her face into his neck as she fought back tears, her words muffled, "You could come with me, you know that right?"

 

[Risky]

"Coming with you would be treason Kat.." He says to her softly. "You don't have to leave, we can work this out with Shrake, did he tell you straight to your face that you had to leave?" He asks her quietly, he moves his head so that it is resting against hers.

 

[BurningWillows]

"He doesn't want me here Kevin! No one here trusts me! They don't care if I live or die. I'm just expendable. What's the bloody point of this all?"

She broke then, her hand slapping over her mouth to hold back the sobs as she cried into his chest. He couldn't come...another cruel joke of fate. Happiness is nothing but a fantasy for me, she thought depressingly. She couldn't do it, Katerina couldn't handle heart break on top of everything. She felt desperate, just wanting someone to hear her words...someone to understand.

You could end it all, a small voice in her head that sounded dangerously like Narco's whispered, One bullet is all it takes. No one will ever forgive you. You'll never be the good guy. Never be the hero. I told you, you'd suffer. You'd suffer for Em's death.

Red had only heard the first sentence before ducking down into the stairwell, racing for Shrake's door. Things were getting out of hand, and Katerina looked like a ticking time bomb.

"Shrake," Red hit the door, slamming it open to his office, "You need to get to the roof. Katerina's losing it, I don't think Snowy can calm her. I don't know what to do."

 

[Risky]

Shrake looks up at Red before sighing, putting the map away again before standing up and following the man to the roof, watching the scene play out. He keeps a hand on his FN45, for all he knows, she could be armed.

"Kat, you're freaking out and you need to calm down, I completely understand that Shrake doesn't trust you, but leaving like this isn't the way to deal with it, you and I both know you can't take down Skull Face alone, you could've before, but that wasn't your responsibility, you need the team here, and the team needs you, but only if you don't lose your cool." He says to her, holding her while she cries.