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Yearning Steer (Penner and AR)

"No, sir!" Sam said quickly, "I feel fine... except I still can't remember anything."

He smiled, "I'd like to help, as much as I can... until I figure out where I belong..."

If he ever figured out where he belonged. He wanted to ask if they'd sent word to town yet but didn't feel comfortable pressuring them to do anything so he didn't.

***

Eric nodded, "That would be best... I mean, if you change into your old clothes and while you do that, I'll talk to the Chief. Thank you, really. You've been through so much already, I appreciate that you're willing to be patient with this."

He was sure she wanted justice too, and that was good.

Honestly, as he looked at her, he had to admit she wasn't the prettiest girl he'd ever seen... but there was a certain strength to her character that he found attractive. It was a good thing she wasn't willing to stay with him, fake cousin or not... because he was pretty sure he'd find himself flirting if given half a chance.

He smiled at her, "Let's take you home, all right?"

***

"Yes, please," Jesse said, holding out his hand and the cloth he'd been trying to wrap it with.

He hadn't known what to say to her so he'd been avoiding her for the most part. In truth he was happy about the marriage, and sad too because he knew she didn't want him. It was Noah she loved but this was his best chance, probably his only chance to be with her, to take care of her... and even if he hated the circumstances, he was glad that he could take care of her. She could have said no and run but she didn't.

He watched her, studying her soft features. She was so pretty, even now when sadness made her pinched and tired.
 
Rose's father looked up and said, "I sent some word with a traveler if anyone is looking for a young man so we might hear something about you in the next few days." The problem was that it was in the opposite direction then Pawnee and it would not be awhile until someone was travelling towards Pawnee. "If you are feeling up for it then you can come help us during the day." He mentioned as Rose hooked her leg with his playfully as she was eating her breakfast and trying to play innocent as there was a breakfast conversation.

Her mother sat down when everyone had their breakfast. "We will find out where you belong, Sam... until then, you are more than welcome here."

---

She nodded as she turned. "Alright, I ought to be ready soon." She said as she went towards the young unmarried women's tent so that she could get her belongings and also change into the uncomfortable clothing of her own world. It was a pity really, she felt like she could have settled with these people... perhaps?

It took a bit of them getting her corset on as well as some of the other clothing before she was finished and she returned with her belonging. What little that she had as well as the gifts that she had been given during her short stay with the tribe.

---

Gently, Susan took his hand into her own as she reworked the bandages. She did not say anything to him as she wrapped the bandage around so that it was snug but did not cut circulation. "You should try to rest your wrist so you don't hurt it again. She whispered to him as she reached out and said, "Jesse, I know that it's been hard but I think that we really need to talk about our future together." Her hand was on his holding it as she looked up into blue eyes. "I am very thankful for what you are doing... it is very noble of you to marry your..." She swallowed. "brother's... uh..." She stopped. "The woman that he..." She couldn't say it. "It's just real good of you... you didn't have to." She felt nervous. "We just haven't talked about it much and I just have this overwhelming fear that I don't belong. I'm just being pushed into this family and I will never be apart of it... and I just haven't had a family in a real long time... I'm happy but then, I'm sad too and..." She felt tears in her tears as she poured out her fears to Jesse.
 
Sam nearly joked when he felt Rose's leg bump against his own but he managed, for the most part, to hide his surprise. His lips slowly tilted in a grin, "Thank you. I really appreciate that and I will work hard. I promise."

He lifted his fork, but hesitated, "Do... we say grace first?"

***

Eric spoke to the Chief, explaining that they could settle outside Pawnee and he would arrange to make that possible. He also mentioned the importance of staying out of the town, at least at first. Later, when the townspeople got used to the tribe being near, maybe they could trade but for now the towns people would be nervous and a little distance was better.

When Ms. Matthews emerged in her outfit, Eric let out a low whistle. "Here, I'll take your things, my horse is just that way. We'll have to walk a bit. Did you want to say goodbye?"

She would probably see these people again, if she wanted. They wouldn't be far.

***

Jesse watched her as she spoke and when the tears gathered in her eyes he pulled his hand from hers so he could wrap his arms around her, tugging her into a firm hug. "Hey," he said quietly, "my brothers will love you, just as Noah did."

He stroked her back, pausing when his fingers dipped a bit too low and forcing his hand back up. Now wasn't the time to cop a feel... but god he was so aware of her, every bit of her, even this hug, innocent as it was meant to be, set his blood to boiling. Pregnant or not, he found her painfully attractive.

He sighed softly as he settled on just holding her, arms looped around her upper back. He rested his head on top of hers, she fit so perfectly, tucking into him as if she was made to be protected by him, as if she were created just to be held like this.

"And with time," he said softly, "... I will love you too."
 
Their mother was glaring at Tom who had started eating as well as Rose who looked down and apologize. “Yes, we do say grace in this house but these three like to sometimes forget that.” She said as she looked to Sam across from her. “How about you start us off?” She said with a smile as she waited for their guest to start the morning breakfast prayer. All of them putting their hands together and closing their eyes to say a quick pray of thanks for breakfast.

Once it was done, Tom was the first to dig in. He was a large man like his father and they had a day of work to do... and so, they needed fuel. Mrs. Waters had made a lot of food for that reason.

---

Catherine nodded as she looked to the Sheriff for a moment... he was a handsome man but she was not going to think about that. She was considered a plain woman. Well, only because she needed Spectacles to see. She could be quite pretty with them off but she also bumped into things. So, obviously, she went with the most obvious choice.

“Yes, I would like to.” She mentioned as she went over to say her goodbyes for the time being. She was going to come and visit in a few days when all this business was done with.

It was about ten minutes later when she returned so that she could be on her way with the Sheriff. She was a little nervous to be on the horse with him but it was the only way for her to travel. It's not like she had her horse anymore anyways.

“I'm ready...” She said as she waited for him to help her on the horse. It's not like she knew how to get on the horse herself. Well, she did... but she would need a leg up.

---

She pressed her lips together as she looked up at Jesse. She knew that Noah did not love her and never did but it was awfully nice of Jesse to say that he had. Putting her head on his chest, she was quiet as she nodded a few times. He was holding her to him and it was exactly that Susan needed as she closed her eyes. “I feel like it's my fault that he ran.” She said in a low voice. “He didn't want to marry me... I know that he didn't. I feared this because I didn't want to trap him... I didn't want to get pregnant.” She sighed as she looked up at Jesse.

“Thank you, Jesse... you give me hope for the two of us... for our future together.” She tried to smile as she tried to wipe away her tears. “I should get back to cleaning...” She mentioned but a little part of her did not want to leave him... not quite yet.
 
Sam ate more slowly, watching the others chow down with a small smile. Beneath the table he trapped Rose's foot under his for a moment before letting go. It was all just... silly, but it made his heart pound and fixed a permanent grin on his face.

***

Eric held his hand out to help her up the old fashioned way and once she was safely in the saddle he mounted behind her, arms sliding around her so he could grasp the reins.

"You're sure they were good to you?" He asked, "They didn't hurt you or anything?"

It was hard to believe the Indians had been so kind, especially after all the stories he'd heard.

***

Jesse tightened his hold on her when she threatened to move away, "It's not your fault he ran," he said softly, "he knew the risk of pregnancy when he laid with you. He shouldn't have touched you if he wasn't ready to deal with the consequences. You're both at fault for this, not just you, not just him, but both of you. You understand that, right? The blame isn't all yours... and Noah running away? That's all on him. He was an idiot, and he acted foolishly."

He bent his head, briefly pressing his forehead to hers, sighing softly as he did, "I'm going to take care of you, Susan... and the baby. We'll be a family. I promise you."
 
Rose's brows furrowed a little as she moved her leg to kick him lightly as she smiled a little to herself as she was eating and trying not to be obvious. However, her mother was the one who noticed it since she was a sharp woman but she did not say anything because she knew how her husband could be.

However, she was going to be scolding Rose on her inappropriate behaviour with their guest and to control herself when he was there.

For now, they were eating breakfast.

---

“No... they did not hurt me at all. They were quite kind to me and taught me many things...” She had taught some of their children to read in return. Well, not that she had the books but she had offered to teach the children at her school for their kindness. “I was quite afraid when I saw them before because of the horrible stories but I was in the middle of the prairie without food or water and they made sure that I was rested and clean... as well as they fed me.”

Catherine would advocate on their behalf. “They are only hostile to those who are hostile to them... they are very kind.” She said quietly as they were riding towards the town.

“And they did not hurt me” She said firmly.

---

His grip tightened as she looked up into his blue eyes as she nodded but did not say anything about her or Noah's fault in this pregnancy. She took responsibly of her part of this situation and there was a part of her that thought still that she was completely at fault because she had flirted with Noah as he had for her... she had wanted it as much as he had. She had been so upset when he had tried to convince her that she should lie about being raped. He had been a coward in that regard and now... he was dead. He had not deserved to be dead but he had been foolish...

Susan agreed with Jesse on all fronts as she reached for his good hand and held it in hers. “Yes, we will be a family.” She said as she closed her eyes, she was comfortable in his arms and there was a trust. “Thank you, Jesse.” She whispered.
 
When breakfast was finished Sam followed the boys outside. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder at Rose as he left, grinning and winking before he left.

He spent the day in the fields with the men and by the time they returned he was exhausted, dizzy and not feeling well but he tried to hide it. He didn't want them to think he was weak.

He looked for Rose when they returned.

***

"I'm glad," Eric said, he realized when he spoke his lips were quite close to her ear so he leaned back, giving her some room instead of literally breathing down her neck.

"We're going to make things right for you, ma'am. I promise."

He was just glad she wasn't hurt, and she seemed fairly untraumatized. He was sure the experience hadn't been anything like what she was used to, but she seemed well and that was good.

***

Ben cleared his throat as he entered the room through the kitchen. "Seems like we'll need to move the wedding up," He said with a small smile. Honestly he was glad to catch them like this, he had been worried Jesse was acting purely out of concern for the child but it was clear to him now that Jesse was interested in the girl. That was good, maybe their marriage wouldn't be completely unhappy.

Jesse pulled back at the sound of Ben's voice, but he kept a firm grasp of Susan's hand because he had a right to hold her hand. She was his fiance.

"Move it up to when?" He asked.

"Tomorrow," Ben said, "I spoke to the preacher and he's willing to do that. I've also arranged for one of the guest houses to be prepared, you and Susan will live there. It's not right for a married couple to have to share their home. Susan, as of now you are relieved of your duties. Whatever you do now will be to care for your home with Jesse, and your child."

Jesse nodded, he agreed with that decision completely. He didn't want Susan working. He'd heard stories of how stress could harm unborn children.
 
Rose had been told to stay behind and she was not happy with it because she wanted to be working outside in the sun but her mother had instead scolded her about flirting with that poor boy who didn't know who he was and the last thing he needed was her teasing him. As for working with Pa and Tom... she had said that with an extra hand... she was not needed and so, she had to help with the laundry and now, she was pulling it down and folding it as it had dried during the day.

She was putting a sheet into the basket when Sam had come up to her and she looked up with a frown. "I can't be flirting with you anymore... Ma says that I am being a little flirt and teasing you... Poor guy who doesn't know who he is..." She said simply with a side eye at him.

---

The ordeal that she had gone through weeks ago had been horrible, but how she was acting was a miracle to how she had been dehydrated and tired before. That is how well the native tribe had cared for her, she saw them as an extension of her family. "I know that you will, Sheriff." She said simply as they rode as she felt that he was a little too close but they were on one horse as she tried not too move too much since she was pretty much up against the Sheriff. He was too handsome for his own good... a charming sort that could have any lady that he wanted.

There was a part of her that wanted a husband like that but then, she supposed that he would settle for a man who was normal and ordinary looking. If she did get married...

"Tell me about this woman who is pretending to be me?" She asked curiously.

---

Susan was now sitting up straight and looking extremely nervous... she always did around Mr. Wilson. She could not imagine that she might have been married to him if Jesse had not stepped up. "The wedding is tomorrow?" She asked looking confused as she thought about what dress that she would even wear to her own wedding. She did not have a dress that would be suitable for something like that. There was a part of her that made her a little sad but there was nothing that could be done about that. "A guest house..." She whispered looking confused by the sudden change of her life.

Her wedding was tomorrow and she was to move to a new house... she thought that was too much and too fast. "Uh... should I move my belongings to the guest house today?" She asked quietly as she was squeezing Jesse's hand but only because she was also shaking a little like a leaf. It was too soon... tomorrow night, she would be sleeping in the same bed as Jesse? Susan bit her lip. "I... I... C-can I wear a wedding dress?" She suddenly blurted out as she covered her mouth and stared. "I mean... I don't need anything fancy. I just don't have a nice dress to go to a wedding... let alone mine... I'm sorry." She said. "It's okay, I can get something together..." She said as she was looking down.
 
Sam was so startled by her declaration that for a moment he just stood and stared at her, but then he laughed, because what else could he do? "Are you being a flirt?" He asked, "and teasing me?"

He moved to help her with pulling the laundry down. He wasn't very good at folding it though.

"Do you think she'll be angry if I flirt and tease /you/, because she certainly hasn't told me to stop."

***

"She's uh... strange. I always knew there was something strange about her but, honestly it never occurred to me she could be an impostor." Eric glanced up, frowning when he saw how low the sun was to the horizon.

"Ms. Matthews, I hate to say this but we might need to make camp for the night. The town is quite a ways yet and I'm afraid there's a storm rolling in."

Another storm. At least the drought wasn't a problem anymore. They'd had so much rain recently. That was the way it went sometimes. From drought to wet season.

"I'll take us as far as I can but when the storm hits we'll have to take shelter. It's not safe to travel in the dark, with a storm."

***

"The ladies have arranged for a dress," Ben said. He'd thought of that, or rather the pastor's wife had when he suggested the wedding be tomorrow. In fact, she'd been horrified that he hadn't planned for it himself. But she had promised to have a dress ready.

Jesse felt how Susan trembled and he hated himself for being excited to make this marriage real. The thing was he was half afraid she would run, but once they were married she couldn't. Marriage would seal the deal, and nothing would take her away from him after he put a ring on her. It was selfish and wrong but he didn't want to lose her. Not now.

"Maybe it's... a little soon?" Jesse was surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth. /Dammit man! This is your chance!/ but she was shaking so hard... and he hated to see her so scared.

"We need her married before she starts showing," Ben said, "if we have any shot of saving her honor, this is it. I'm sorry Jess, but... this is how it has to be. Help her move her things."

"Yes, sir," Jesse said quietly. He wouldn't argue. Not over this.
 
“Of course she hasn't told you to stop because you don't know who you are... she is protective of you because you don't remember things and she feels awful because she would hate for any of her children to be in that spot.” She shrugged. “As for your teasing and flirting... well, I can't really stop it.” She certainly did not want to stop the flirting.

He was helping her folding up the sheets and putting them in the basket... although, it was best if she did it herself. “After all, I'm the one who shouldn't be teasing a poor boy who I am apparently not interested in...” She mentioned. “The problem is that I like teasing and flirting with you because I want to know who you really are and try to help you...” She shrugged her shoulders as she had a little smirk. The wind was blowing again as she said, “Another storm is coming... that's three in the last two weeks...” She said as she was smelling the damp air and the birds were making a lot of noises. That is what then knew that there was going to be a big storm.

“We should batten down the hatches...” She said as she finished with the last sheet.

---

She looked up at the sky for a moment and said, “We really will not make it?” They should have stayed with the tribe if they were not going to make it by morning. She was upset with this Sheriff now since she was going to have to stay outside in a rainstorm. “Where will we get shelter?” She asked wondering if there was any farm houses or something around here as she was looking around.

Catherine looked concerned for whatever this Sheriff was planning. “We should look for shelter now and at least have a fire?” She said with a furrowed brow. “Right?” This man had to be a bit of an idiot.

---

Susan looked up at Jesse for a moment when he said that he thought that it was too soon as well. Her eyes were wide but it seemed that Ben had shut that down and they would be getting tomorrow. In the end, the oldest brother was right that she should get married as soon as possible before she did start showing that she was pregnant and there were questions. And there was the time line of her being with child.

“Thank you, Mr. Wilson.” She said out of habit to the man who was going to be her brother in law soon enough. She thought about how she would not really have all that much to move to their new house. She did think that it would be nice to have a little home to perhaps raise their child... well, most likely children since she assumed that Jesse would want more and she thought that it would be nice.

However, she was not with Noah... but then, he had left and Jesse was going to take care of her. She was being so selfish because she did not know if she was happy. “I should go and move my things.” She said. “And probably take a look at the house.” She said to Jesse wondering if he would come with her. Susan was sure that he had a lot of work to do.
 
"Ye-" Sam paused, swaying, hand flailing to anything to steady himself. He ended up grabbing her arm a moment before he simply fell, landing on his knees.

A wave of sick had come over him... sick and ... fear? And anger and suddenly he was in that river again.

He wouldn't do it! He wouldn't marry her!

Wait, what? His head swirled with thoughts and words and names he didn't understand. He groaned, grabbing at his head.

***

Eric swore softly, "I was so distracted with this whole thing..."

He should have seen the storm rolling in, but these storms did come fast.

"Old man Hagar has an old homestead near here. He built his wife a new home but left the old homestead standing. We can batten down there. It's not far. Hang on!"

He urged his mare into a fast trot, he didn't dare push her faster when she was carrying two people.

***

"All right," Jesse said, "Show me what to move, I'll move it."

Ben headed for the door, "Kate and I will be getting married tomorrow too," he said casually before slipping out.

Jesse whipped his head around to stare at the door Ben had just slipped through, "What?" He gasped.

He looked down at Susan then, "You don't... you don't think she's pregnant too, do you?"
 
Rose looked over to him as he grabbed his arm and she tried to steady him but then, he was on the ground. His knees on the dry grass as she stared and went down on one knee. "Sam?" She asked him wondering what was going on. Had Pa worked him too hard today when he had not been quite ready? "Sam... are you going to be sick?"

He needed to get to bed or something as she went to his side and then put his arm over her shoulder as she said, "Gonna hoist you up and get you upstairs and into the house." She would forget the washing as she said. "Come on, Sam..." She muttered as she used the strength in her legs to lift him up as she called to her brother who was at the stable with the horse. "Oi... Tom!" She yelled.

---

Catherine frowned when the man swore and she said nothing... she was calling him a fool in her mind but she was too much of a lady to say those word out loud at him. "Alright..." She said softly as the horse was going a bit faster. By the time they could see the homestead, it was starting to spit out and soon, it would some in an instant. Big black clouds could be seen and the lightening was in the distant. Catherine shivered as she prayed that they would make it before the weather started getting real bad. The last thing they needed was the two of them getting wet and cold and then sick.

---

Susan's own eyes were wide. "He's going to marry Miss Kate tomorrow?" She said softly thinking that was so odd but it was not really her business if Miss Kate was pregnant. "I don't know... I don't think I have ever seen Mr.... um, your brother interested in a young lady as he seems to be with the school teacher." She mentioned as she pressed her lips together as she said, "Do you think that Luke knows?" She asked wondering where the boy was... she had not seen him all day. He was quiet mostly now that he did not have Noah to bicker with... it made her a little sad.

"It seems a little quick if it was not because she is with child?" She said quietly as they started for the front door of the Ranch house so they could go and move her few personal items and look at their new home.
 
"My head," Sam managed to get out as she helped him stand, but his head hurt so bad his legs felt like rubber. He leaned on her, hardly able to keep himself upright.

The storm.

Something about the storm was messing with his head and he wasn't sure if it was a memory or something else? The voices in his head were so confusing, just noise for now. "Oh god," He groaned, clinging to Rose because she was his only hold to reality.

***

The homestead was a welcome relief. There was an old barn, in poor repair, and a tiny little home, just big enough for one man to live in. Eric rode her to the house door, helped her dismount and said, "I'm going to take care of the mare, go inside and see if you can start a fire. I'll just be a moment."

He left her on the front porch of the little house as he rode his mare to the barn and sliding off he led her inside. He couldn't leave the poor beast like this all night so he took the time to remove her saddle, secure her in a stall and rub her down real quick. With all that down he ran for the house. By now it was raining, hard, and when he slipped into the little farmhouse he was soaking wet.

***

"No, there's no way he knows," Jesse frowned, "Ben might be going to tell him now."

She headed for the door and he followed, reaching out to grasp her hand. He was allowed to hold her hand, tomorrow she would be his wife. "It's very quick, but I doubt she's with child, Ben isn't like that."

Jesse hesitated, "I um... I don't think he's ever been with a woman."

He opened the door for her, still holding her hand firmly. Once outside he paused, glancing to the sky. A storm was rolling in, but it was quite some ways yet. They had time to do some work before they'd have to worry about preparing for it.

"Susan..." He led her towards the little shack she used to share with Mary. It wouldn't be her home anymore. The guest house usually housed some of the ranch hands but by the look of it they were moving their things back out. They'd like in shacks like Susan did. Jesse almost felt bad, but really it just meant they wouldn't have as much room, but they would still have all the comforts of a home, just in tighter quarters.

"Susan, I want you to know... even though tomorrow we will be wed, I don't expect you to..." Jesse hesitated, unsure how to say this properly. She was a lady and deserved to be talked to as such. "Well, it's just... I know this is all very fast for you and... you won't have to..."

Gods!

"I don't expect you to... lay with me," he said with a heavy emphasis on the word lay. God he hoped she understood.
 
Rose did not know what was going on but she did know that she had to get him up the stairs and to his bed because he was groaning and... she did not know what was happening as she called for Tom to get his ass over her right away. She was holding Sam as he said that his head hurt. "Don't worry... we will get you inside and to bed." Her voice was soft as she was saying these words to him. "Don't worry..." She said in a low voice. "It will be fine..."

Tom was running over, "What's going on?" He said to her as Sam was clinging to his sister. "He's sick... he needed to be carried to bed." She exclaimed at her older brother who rolled his eyes. "Pa was a bit rough on him." He muttered as Rose said, "He's just recovering... Pa should have been soft." She said as Tom pulled Sam off of her and hauled him over his shoulder before walking to the house. Rose grabbed the laundry to bring in as she followed.

---

She was trying to get some wood and kindling to start the fire as she was on the ground with some dry hay that she had found and was rubbing the two sticks to try and get a spark. It would need to be built a little more but as long as they had a little bit of heat. She could hear the rain hitting the roof as she looked up when he came in soaking wet. She did not stop trying to get the fire going since it had been her one task. And then... there was a spark and another as the paper started to light and she squeaked in celebration but not too much as she added more hay and kindling... the fire would need some wood as she looked around the little hut. "It's starting to get bad..." She said thinking that she hated the silence. "The fire will need some wood to get it really going." She mentioned as she rose to get an old floorboard to use. The floor did have wooden planks but most were old and rotting.

---

Her cheeks went red as she looked at Jesse when he was trying to tell her that she didn't have to lay with him after they got married. She didn't know what to say to that. There was a bit of relief? That would mean that the marriage would not be consummated... She looked down and chewed a little on her lip a few times. "Well, it is all very fast..." She whispered to him as they were in her little hut and she was looked at her things. There was not really much. Her clothing, which was not many since she cleaned all day. There were a few precious things in a jewelery box of her mother's and a little china doll figure that had also been her mother's. It was of a lady and a gentleman dancing... she remembered playing with it when she had been a girl.

"I..." She was looking nervous. "I don't know... I know that a marriage has to be consummated..." She whispered quietly. Then, the bride was suppose to be a virgin and she had thrown that out the window as she closed her eyes. "And... I..." She stopped herself as she was looking up at him as if she was willing him to finish the sentence. "Do you want to marry me?" She asked him. "I just... I know you are doing this for my honour but, I don't really have any... do I?" She mentioned.

"I mean, it really shouldn't even be this way... I should be marrying someone who loves me and wants to marry me. And I know... you will reassure me that you want to marry me but... I also know that you are a good man and one of honour. And I know that we can't change it... I just don't want you being miserable in a year or five years because you had to marry your brother's whore." She winced when she said those sharp words... she had been pretty much a whore to Noah. A girl to have a bit of fun with and he had never loved her.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered. "If you don't want to consummate the marriage... I understand... I am just." She really didn't know what she was doing or saying. "I hate this... I hate being like this..." She could not put it into words.
 
Being flung over a shoulder didn't help his head, but Sam was in no condition to fight. Soon enough he was on his bed and he rolled away, curling in on himself. The voices kept screaming in his head and he couldn't make any sense of them.

A name. A single name rose above the noise.

/Noah./

***

Eric nodded, "There's an old woodshed outside. Do you have something I can cover the wood with? So it doesn't get too wet on the way inside?"

He ended up removing his jacket and heading out. He gathered the wood in the jacket and carried it back in. By now the wind was howling through the creaky old house, but it was shelter and they would be warmer in here than out there.

"I'm sorry about this," he said, "I ... well, I wasn't expecting to find a woman when I headed out this morning. Nor to run into a storm."

***

Jesse watched as she moved through the little shack, listened as she babbled and when she finished he knew he had to let her know how he felt. Keeping his feelings private, secret, would just make her continue to doubt and question and fear? He crossed the shack, slid his hand under her chin to tilt her head and when he opened his mouth to try and speak he lost his nerve. Instead of speaking he bent and pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that was both hesitant and desperate.

He didn't realize until after he pulled away that it might be misunderstood and he did the thing he'd told Ben to do days ago when Ben was struggling with how to talk to Kate. He spoke his heart.

"I've been watching you for a very long time," he said, and how his heart hammered as he spoke the words, "I was waiting until you were older, and... honestly, I didn't think you would be interested, so I was waiting until you were done with Noah... but Susan... this marriage, it's... I didn't agree to it because I'm noble, or honorable, I agreed to it because it was the only way I knew to claim you as my own."

He dropped his hand and stepped back.

And just like that he lost his nerve. "I... I'll head over to the guest house, make sure it's ready for your things..."

There wasn't anything here that she would really need help lifting, and he was too afraid of her rejection, or scoffing, or fear to stay. So he hurried for the door.
 
Rose was following Tom up the steps as she put the clean sheets by the closet in the hallway as she went over to Sam and sat down. "Maybe we should send for a Doctor?" She said as Tom frowned. "Doctor is all the way in town... I will get Ma up here." He mentioned before going on to say. "Watch him..." He said as she nodded and went over to him. "Sam...?" She said softly as she offered him her hand for him to hold. She wanted to help him through whatever was going on. Was he remembering? Was that why he was so upset?" She wondered to herself as she waited for her mother to come upstairs.

---

She was trying to keep the fire going as she blew onto to so that it would catch a bit more. "It's alright... I didn't know that someone from the town that I was going to would come and bring me there." She said quietly as she brushed some of her dark hair away from her face. "We will just need to make the best of it and make it so we stay warm during the storm." Catherine mentioned with a sigh. It was warm but damp. And he was wet as she said, "You should hang up your clothing." She said.

She had gotten wet too when she was looking for something to start the fire and when she was closing the window... a little damp but not soaking wet like he was. "You look like a drowned rat..." She said with a little smile as she was trying not to laugh at the entire situation.

---

There was shock as he crossed her home and then he had his hand under her chin and was tilting it up at her. Her eyes were wide as she waited for him to say something. And then, he kissed her instead... it was nothing like when Noah had kissed her. Noah's had been desperate and rushed because he also wanted to move on to the other parts... this was desperate but there was a nervousness. Jesse pulled away as her heart skipped a beat and was fluttering a little. It was so dramatic and...

Susan listened as she blinked a few times, she was trying to find her words. He had been watching her and waiting for her to be done with Noah and to... Was that why he had always been kind to her... Noah had been kind to her but only because he had flirted and wanted something from her.

Jesse had wanted something more than just a few nights of fun... Why her? She wondered that to herself as she was standing there. She blinked a few times and before he could go, Susan spoke up. "Don't go..." She said softly as she took a few steps and reached for his good hand. "Don't just leave before I can say anything..." She said to him as she squeezed his hand gently.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" She asked him... she had been in love with Noah and he had seen that.
 
"No... Noah..." Sam said, breathless. It took him a moment to focus on Rose. Beautiful Rose. He was glad she was there, and he reached for her, grasping her hand tightly when she held it out.

"Noah... I think my name is Noah."

Outside he could hear the wind roaring and he winced, "My head hurts..."

***

Eric laughed, softly, "I suppose... you won't mind if I remove some of my clothes?"

She was, after all, a lady and it seemed mildly inappropriate but as he waited for her to answer he stripped off his vest, and his outer shirt. He wore a tight white shirt beneath the button down one. That wasn't enough, but it was better. He moved close to the fire, shivering. His skin was damp, his clothes had been soaked through. "I wonder if that old man left some clothes behind? Or a blanket..."

He moved away from the fire, too small to offer much warmth yet, to search the furniture that had been left behind. An old dresser, a wooden bed. He found a blanket on the bed and oddly a pair of women's bloomers in the dresser but not much else. "Damn."

***

Jesse had never been so embarrassed in his life but he knew he couldn't run. He had to stay and confront this. He squeezed her fingers lightly as he turned and leaned against the door. He sighed softly, "I don't know... you were with Noah. And I knew about... the two of you. I knew... I kept the secret because I didn't want you hurt. I tried to talk to Noah, to smarten him up but he was so stubborn."

Her hand was so small in his. So delicate. Like her.

"Did you know... you..." It was so hard to speak, he paused between his words, and absurdly he thought; I sound just like Ben.

"When you do your chores, sometimes you hum. I don't know if you're even aware of it, maybe you aren't. I try to make sure I'm always near when you're doing the laundry, so I can listen. Not always an easy task, especially since I also try not to be seen." He smiled sheepishly, "And uh... you really liked Noah, but you knew he didn't like you in the same way and it really broke your heart, didn't it? But you didn't know how to say no, either, because your heart was all jumbled up, wasn't it?"
 
She stared at him for a moment as she said, "Your name is Noah?" She asked him with a curious look in her eyes. "I know... I'm sorry that you are in pain... you need some sleep and rest." Rose whispered as she did not pull away from him and only sat on the edge of the bed. "Try to sleep." She was being gentle with him... or trying to be. "You are remembering some of what happened to her?" She asked him.

---

"That is not the reason that I think you need to take your clothing off... it is because you might get sick with a fever." She said softly as she was feeding the fire before looking over to him. "What is the matter?" She asked before looking behind her to where he was looking for a blanket or something.

"We will have this fire roaring soon..." She said to him with a hopeful look in her eyes. She was cold too.

---

She shook her head. "No... I didn't know." Susan answered honestly. "I thought that we were being discreet... well, I was trying to be discreet as much as I could because I knew that I could be sent away if anyone found on. I would be the one punished and I was the one who needed this employment." She said softly. "I tried to end it a few times with Noah but then he would be sweet again and then, I..." She was a foolish girl in love with a fool who did not love her.

"Well, I did know that Noah was not interested in me as much as for one thing... I tried to not let it bother me but... it did." She shrugged her shoulders as she looked up at Jesse. "You liked to listen to me hum?" She asked. "You didn't hear me singing... did you?" She asked feeling embarrassed.

Susan nodded. "I loved Noah... it's silly because he did not love me and it hurt and it was also hard to end it... I was hoping that he would fall in love with me..."
 
Sam-Noah closed his eyes. He clung to her hand, pulling it to his forehead. "The storm," he said softly, "it's the storm..."

He felt like he was just a thought away from knowing who he was, but his head hurt so bad he couldn't focus.

By the time her mother reached the room, he was unconscious. Partly because he'd fallen into an exhausted sleep, partly because his brain just couldn't bear the pain and he blacked out.

***

Eric wrapped himself in the blanket and dropped his clothes, leaving him in just his underpants and under shirt. He crouched by the fire and gestured for her to come closer, "Come here. You're wet too. Neither of us can afford to get sick. If you ... uh... if you need to remove your wet clothes, I promise on my honor I won't look. And then we can both bundle up under this blanket until we're warm. Deal?"

Honestly if she was any other woman he might have made advances but she was pretty in a plain way and not 'his type', so he wasn't thinking of her in that way at all.

But, just because he wasn't interested didn't mean he wouldn't take care of her. She was still a lady and he was still the Sheriff.

***

"Well..." Jesse rubbed at the back of his neck, "I'm already half in love with you, Susan... and I know once you're my wife I will love you. More than Noah ever could. So ... don't be afraid. All right? I told you before that everything would be okay and I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my life taking care of you, making you happy. This won't be a marriage where I'm miserable, or where I regret it later..."

If anyone had regrets later, he knew it would be her. Not him.

"So... just... don't be afraid. It's going to be all right."
 
“What happened?!” Her mother said as she looked at her daughter who was sitting by the bed and the sleeping Sam was on the bed. “He says that his name is Noah... not Sam.” Rose said softly as she was watching her mother who sighed. “It seems that he is remembering who he is... something about the storm.” Rose continued as her Ma said. “Probably got lost in that storm before you found him in the river.”

Rose nodded a few times as she glanced at Noah and slowly rose so that she could go downstairs and let him rest for a little while. It was all so strange and they did need to do a bit of cooking for dinner that night and the sheets needed to be put away.

Her mother and her left the room to like Noah sleep a little.

---

Catherine certainly did not like that idea as she looked away for a moment and took off her glasses so that she would not see anything and in her mind. If she was not seeing anything that she would be alright.... right?

“You better not look...” She sniffed as she turned away and unbuttoned her blouse pulled at it so that she was in her corset and her bloomers under her dress as she looked to hang her clothing near the fire so that it would dry over night.

Turning to him, she could not see as she reached out and said, “I can't really see you...” She mentioned as she could only see his outline of him. Not that she was blind, everything was just blurry. “You are blurry.” She informed him. “So, you better not be looking.” She said knowing that he was probably looking but it was not like it mattered because it was not as if she was very pretty.

Well, she was a little pretty but not stunning like some ladies.

---

Susan nodded as she felt the tears in her eyes. “I won't be afraid.” She swallowed as she wiped at her eyes before smiling. “I keep crying...” She thought that she was being completely ridiculous as she went on to say, “Thank you, Jesse... I... I will try to be a good wife to you.” She said as she squeezed his hand a little. “I will learn to love you... I like you so... I think that is a start.” She said softly as she closed her eyes. “It is a relief knowing that you want to marry me... I... I haven't had a family in a long time so... forgive me for being a bit dramatic.” It was also a mix of hormones as well.

“Let's go look at the house?” She suggested. “Together?”
 
Eric looked away when she told him but when he heard her voice saying she couldn't see he turned to look and his eyes widened in surprise. Without glasses she was quite cute. He reached out, taking her hand and pulling her toward him, "I'm going to wrap the blanket around us both."

It was, perhaps, mildly inappropriate but really they had little choice. And when the morning came they could easily pretend it didn't happen... Except the only way to share the blanket was for him to hold her against his side, and this was a very intimate position. He felt how she shivered and forced himself to ignore the voice screaming; /stop! / in his head and pulled her tightly against himself.

"Warmer?" He asked, hating how choked his voice sounded.

***

Jesse nodded. He reached up to brush the tears from her cheeks, then took her hand and led her out of the shack. It felt different holding her hand now. She knew how he felt now. Everything was different.

He didn't think she was being dramatic. It had been a hard few days for them all. In just days he'd lost a brother, she'd lost a lover and discovered she was having a child and now being told she had to marry a man she had barely noticed before. He couldn't imagine what she must be thinking, or feeling, but he knew it couldn't be easy or comfortable for her.

"Some of the ranch hands have been staying in the guest house so I don't think it will be... ideal. It will probably need some cleaning," Jesse said as he led her across the yard. "My father built it for Ben, actually... He planned to build us each a home of our own so when we married we could all live here, on this same property, together."
 
She reached out as he grabbed her gently and pulled her close to him. It was a little too intimate for her liking but Catherine certainly did not say anything about it. After all, she was cold for the most part. He said that he was going to be wrapping the blanket around the two of them as she nodded slowly. The fire was starting to get bigger as she nodded to him.

“Yes... I am warm now.” Catherine mentioned as her eyes were on the flames of the fire. “I think that we should never speak of this after tonight.” She said quietly as she leaned her head on his shoulder. She was tired after all. “What is Pawnee like?” She asked. “I have thought about moving there for so long... is it as nice as I like to imagine. Nice people...” She whispered trying to get her mind of the situation and how she was in the arms of this brute of a man.

Well, it was like one of of those Romantic novels that she liked to read... well, Elizabeth was not in a cabin in Mr. Darcy's arms... well, she was being silly to think of that. The Sheriff was far too handsome and probably had a wife.

Catherine needed to stop being so silly. “I cannot wait to teach and be part of a community... traveling has been so exhausting and I am finally almost there... I only have to worry about getting my things back from the woman who is pretending to be me.

---

“I am sure that it is not that terrible... I am use to cleaning after you and your brothers.” She said softly as she was making the jest as she was walking with Jesse towards the guest house. She wondered if there would be more built... perhaps only one for if Luke got married. And that was when she remembered that Noah was gone and her heart hurt a little more.

It was hard to believe...

“Well, you will still be able to live here...” She said softly as she squeezed his hand as they were approaching the guest house. She had seen it before and it was a well built house. However, it was also a reminder of the loss in the family.

“There looks like there is going to be another storm...” She said to Jesse.
 
"The people are people," Eric answered, "ridiculous, good, sometimes not so good... they're just people. But they'll be glad to have you. Once we expose the other woman, that is. It'll be good for you to have a few days to yourself, no teaching, no worries. Especially after the journey you've had. You're sure they didn't hurt you?"

Her head lay on his shoulder and it was a soft, sweet weight. It made him think of things he knew he shouldn't think of in this situation.

She didn't need his lust, just his warmth.

***

"Yeah, soon," Jesse said as he looked to the sky, "we have a bit before we need to really worry about it though. Sure have been a lot of storms lately."

He released her hand once they reached the house, pausing the pull the door open.

The guest house wasn't like her shack, but it wasn't like the main house either. It consisted of a large open 'main' area that housed both the kitchen and dining table. A set of stairs led up to the single 'bedroom' which had a large bed and dresser. It wasn't anything fancy at all, but it was the perfect size for a small family.

Eventually they could build on, to make room for children. If he could help it, Jesse would have a small second room added to the main floor for the baby, but that could wait. At first it would need to sleep near them anyway.

Not that he knew a lot about babies, but he knew they needed to be near their mothers.

He felt like a real idiot. He remembered when Ben had been stressed about how to talk to Kate and now here Jesse was not knowing what to say to Susan, especially after his confession.

"What do you think?" He asked, "Do you like it?"
 
"Do you think that the other woman will be ruined as a result?" She said softly wondering where she would go... and who she was? "Yes, the Indians did not hurt me... the bandits did... they pulled me off my horse and hitting me before taking everything except the clothes on my back." She said softly. "It was the Indians who found me... and they were so good to me. Fed me, clothed me... they are good people." She said in a low voice. "You don't trust them... if you don't trust them then they will not trust you." She said simply.

"It was a journey but exciting... like a story in a book. I could write a book about it."

---

She walked in as she looked around the house... it would need a bit of cleaning but there was furniture and a lot of the things that she would need already. She was quiet as she thought about how she was going to have a home with a husband and it seemed like it was perhaps a dream of some sort.

She was imagining herself cleaning and cooking dinner for herself, Jesse and the baby that she would have in about eight months from this time. She would at least not be showing on her wedding day but her mind wandered as she glanced over her shoulder at Jesse.

"Yes..." She whispered as she smiled. "I love it... it needs a little tidying but I can make this into a home." There was a lot of things that they had as she went to the kitchen and looked at the wash basin and the wood stove that she would cook on.

"I should do that today so that the place is clean for after the wedding." She said thinking that she might ask Mary to come over later so that she could bring her things over. After all, she had all the items needed to set up a house.
 
"The bandits they... they didn't..." Eric paused. Did it matter? Did he have to ask...? But he wanted to know. "They didn't /hurt/ you... in that way, did they?"

He considered what she said about the indians. Maybe he could try to trust them. It seemed they had taken good care of her and that had to mean something.

***

"What can I do?" Jesse asked, "What do you need me to do?"

He would help her however he could. He didn't know much about making a house a home, but he wanted to learn. This would be his home too, after all, and she wasn't the maid anymore. She was his future wife.
 
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