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Wavers of Reality — [& Journal]

WOW. WOW!!

I really just slept an hour, woke (at almost 8) and thought I woke to AM, the sun rising, not PM and the the sun setting. I think. Maybe. Shit.

I'm laughing so hard. Haha, t'is great in a stupid humor. Kinda.

(LOL, unread this! xD )
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

My writings, poems, and plays have won awards and excuations. Even some of my trivial art work. Out of hundreds of thoushands. I never thought much of it, to be honest. I do not know why.

I never understood why some of my English teachers have alienated me from the class, or exhibited animosity toward me, or stangely obediently clinged to me. It confuses me. I guess that I just never thought it was not good enough; that I was good enough. But now I've jisawed that it is because

Don't ever give up writing. You were born to write. Writing is your talent. You weren't born to live, you were born to write. I think these words are said because
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

I whole heartly feel as though this is whatever Gods or fates exisit encouraging me to choose between the male and female.
 
This past weekend, and days surrounding it, was the type fun that is said when something really is not all that fun. I could elaborate. But the thing is I just don't have the energy. It's not that there is nothing of usually prime important to me as a distraction: I'm out of college classes for the summer, I can pretty much work whenever I want. Though, more social situations have been present. I just... don't have the energy.

I re-activated my Facebook account and on the news feed there are so many females and males that have relationship goals based off another couple. They don't see that they lack relationship goals of their own.

It's been three years since I quit smoking cigarettes, two years since I moved out of my home state, and a year since ______________________________________________.
This is a good time of the year for me to start/end something.
 
Inspiring weather like this is infectious for fun writing! I'm inexplicably pleased.
2mqt935.jpg
Note to self: Tear down curtains and blinds on Saturday.
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

Up until a few hours ago I had absolutely no idea nor understood this whole Blackandblue - Whiteandgold dress controversy.
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

Dear Internet,

Today you showed me narcissistic sticks— I mean, selfie sticks.
 
There are some differences between BlueMoonRoleplaying and the sibling site, Elliquiy, in my personal experience.
BMR has role players that are more open to the darker elements, and a higher mass of sexually concentrated stories.
E has role players that desire submission, and romance.
All good peoples! Not by any means generalizing a site, there are role players that are both on the sites: both most def have both. Just something I've observed.


*[/color]]
As the force impacted Jessica’s face and skull to better acquaint the wall she screamed within. She thought that any outright means of rejection or disdain would devoid the transaction on the table. Her squished face against the wall zoned in on the rattling… which seemed to suddenly vanish… then replaced with her attacker’s roars of pain. Blood smacked in a disunity of dots across her face and the wall her eyes fixated.

That’s what he gets for being so aggressive. Jessica thought, quite pleased with the fact. He was inside of her and on her in more ways than one, more so with what was about to occur.

He breached the gap of her wound. Electric cackles of seem to emit of the invasion, blasting Jessica with a pain whose scream filled the volume of the room. She convulsed and twitched, before her hand shot at his own and ferociously dug the bed of her nails into his flesh attempting to warrant him out. Despite what was at stake, she was alarmed and frantic, swooping her other hand to grip at the same spot he had at her leg, in his. She clawed. The pressure she used was no comparison to the vice that choked his cock through the sloppy mess of her pussy walls..

"You're hurting me!" She clarified through gritted teeth, not considering this apart of the willing aspect.

Jessica thought perhaps he wanted her to be here, to really force her to feel every meniscal aspect of this fucked up tale so he could really watch her… feel her experience the mental and physical turmoil without her eyes going dead. She thought he wanted to watch the change of infliction spasms in her expanded pupils. He was sick.

Jessica paused for breath; she was panting and sweating hard. While she cried out and moaned, she had become more animated, as much as the barriers entrapping her limbs and body allowed. Her moaning became louder. Her heart beat accelerated. And she felt intensity clogging the pit of her loins. She was going to cum. No. Jessica defied it, she did not want it. She wanted nothing to do with it and channeled her mind elsewhere to try and escape this fate. But that was not going to work with his body pressed up against her, fucking her as though they were wild animals. He was just… too good, ragged against her and inside her manipulating the sensitive inners that craved some sort of release. The blood sobbed and gargled with their colliding forms, mimicking the undeniable sound of wetness that came with his plunging in and out of her. She was wet and her body quaked uncontrollably as her treachous body writhed and elicited fresh screaming moans.

She came in unison with the murderous killer. He loaded her with his warm, sticky seed. A snarl of malice quivered at her upper lip as she felt the squishing and sloshing of something more from inside him, inside of her. And she came so fucking hard. The hardest she had ever came in her life. Certainly held no comparison to any time she experienced with her husband, even if those rare most intense of moment. Her own wetness sloshed and drippingly splashed to her ankles, until to be contained inside her.

It was a bitter sweet moment for Jessica. Her eyes were tear stained. The air was chilly, though that was not the reason for the erect goose bumps coating her sticky flesh.

Boiling outrage welled in her heart. Grievance, gall, and bitterness mixed their corrosive, acidity in her stomach. Her face contoured with purity of disgust and seemed to drift. Though a blanket of the serenity of release was at her outer form. One that could only from the vibration that still embodied her slit and lips, felt pulsating around this thick shaft still buried deep inside her. She hated to say, but she felt... okay.

She lay silent as a stone. Silent as the very void that now opened in her tormented soul, swallowing her scream, sucking it away as surely as his throbbing cock sucked away parts of herself. And in that terrible silence part of Jessica still listened to Kialler almost explaining, as if she must understand.

Did he just say what she thought he did?

He loved her?

Jessica’s set and vacant face was suddenly transformed, and she suddenly went off in a nervous laughter, as though utterly unable to contain herself. And in a flash she recalled with remarkable vividness the things which he had done in the recent past. When he remorselessly shot her husband in front of her eyes. That moment when he taunted her stare by motioning to the stairs atop where her daughter was. The unkind force that triggered the harsh blow of the airbag, after the unkind crumpling smash to the dashboard. She ached to curse and yell at him. But she only laughed, as if musing over an inside joke that he was left out on. The laughter was more out of madness than mirth.

She had almost felt sorry for him and the path his life has turned out. For him to think that this was love, or if it was, that this is how love was expressed. Then again, what did Jessica truly pertain with the knowledge of love?

She looked at him, as though she was about to be sick. Perhaps more so with herself?

There were other words she wanted to use here. Though she mused it as a second thought and instead she muttered with her dry throat, "Do you even know what that means?" her voice still feminine and wracked with the moments events.

Jessica suggestively squirmed toward the way, as way to signal him out of her. "About Annabelle?" She distracted, absent mindlessly still clawing his hand weather or not he moved it. She could not possibly review what just happened here, her mind would not allow it.





He smiles, amused by the question. Of course he knew what love was. He loved Jessica. Despite what the ways he showed it…there was something there. And he couldn’t get rid of it. He had tried. The fact that she would challenge him on it angered him…but he was honestly too high off the orgasm to pay it any mind.

Then surprisingly, he does something human. When she squirms to hint him out, he retracts his hips smoothly, allowing his cock to slide out with a dripping of juices from it’s position in her hot, tight folds. He would have preferred to sit inside of her for a while…basking in the feelings…but, she had made him happy. Now he could make her happy. If she obeyed the rules.

His eyes survey her form, taking in the sight of her, legs covered in her juices…mixed with his of course. There was signs of her own release on the floor…and the fact that her body looked practically alight. He wondered how long she had gone without…and if he was her best. The killer made a point to ask her, sometime. Then he takes a few steps, opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of black boxer briefs that hug his frame to the fullest, then he digs around a bit before tossing her one of his tshirts.

He nods his head towards the door way, insinuating she should follow as he begins to take some shaky steps. God, his shoulder was really bleeding. There were thick globs of red pushing their way through the jagged tear, the meat of his muscle that had been so firm before ripped asunder by the force of the blow. The man pauses once, his hand braced against the wall as a form of support as spots dance across his eyes.

If he bled out here…he would be genuinely disappointed. The end he imagined involved blood. And lots of it. And fucking. And her. His eyes cast back towards the bedroom doorway wistfully, wondering for a brief moment if he should push his luck…but decides not to, the loss of blood creating a fear that his cock engorging would make him faint. And then she would definitely strangle him.

He flexes his hand if she decides to follow, examining the deep furrows she carved into the back of his hand. He liked it…She had marked him. And he had marked her. He firmly decides not to bandage it. Let it scar up. It would look nice…

The man sighs, pushing off the wall as he continues to stride down the hall, his shoulder twitching occasionally as fresh blood slides down his chest and back. He really would ned to patch that up…or get her too. He had a feeling she would appreciate him more…if they could find a way to work out what he had in mind.

He slides into his office chair, moving the mouse a bit to fire up the computer monitor. If she followed him into the room directly, the computer is covered in google maps. Hundreds of them. Thousands even. Points are pinned, seemingly at random but, if looked at in a wider angle, they appeared to form a cohesive arc. With a purple pin representing the house in the middle.

If she didn’t follow him directly, he minimizes the screen before she enters the room, pulling up instead a student database his school district had access to. Thankfully, the state had generalized the information among educators decades ago…making this stalk a little bit easier.

He clicks a few keywords, and within moments a name appears before them. Annabelle’s name. It had recent information, requesting leave for emotional trauma, citing the murder and subsequent disappearance of Jessica as the reasons. And beside that….an address.

Her parents address. They had truly taken her in. He scoots his chair back, handing over the mouse. Any of the information that was relevant to her…he would give it over. No more secrets…not between them. He rises then, leaving her alone with the computer so that she could…cope? Grieve? Rejoice? He wasn’t sure.

What he did know…was that his shoulder burned like a bitch. And the shower that was coming….was going to be painful. He turns the water on full cold blast, allowing it wash the blood streaming from his shoulder nearly as quickly as it comes, his mind racing with the night’s events. Though it was also cloudy from blood loss.

After washing ineffectually for a few minutes, he hops out of the torrent, fumbling around the supplies tossed across the room as he searches for gauze….this shit needed to be patched up. Stitches even. He had work to do. The weekend was here…two days off. Enough time for a hunt.





That didn’t just happen. She did not like it. She did not just cum. Denial and vacancy was the only way to go about this, the only way her mind would let her go about this so it could still function to make sure the ends of the bargain she was interested in were met.

Jessica took a brief moment to herself, hastily slipping the oversized black shirt to her small frame that fit her like a sort of fashionless dress. Tissues adorned on the night stand were now made functional and every bone in her body seemed to stiffen as she wiped the waxy goo from her labia. Stomach muscles flexed and flattened, as though trying to get rid what excess of him he had inside her. She swiped across again. He was still swimming in her, she could feel it. She could still feel him pumping in and out her and she shuttered with disgust. But she liked it and wanted to vomit.

Jessica walked straight to the room he led her to, stood in the middle and leaning both arms crossed over her freshly molested chest staring into the distance of the brightly lit computer screen. Her eyes investigated the number of maps and wanted to discard any connection of him with the human world. It seemed all to improbable that he should have.. or even be allowed on a computer.

When he left her alone, she felt so much weaker that she crossed over to the computer chair, reached out to position it and sat down. She yearned to lie down on the organized desk, more so in the comfort of her own bed, but that was not possible. Settling for her sculpted jaw to prop in her left hand she launched her right hand to the house before trailing it to the keyboard.

For the moment, her body was still mute of intolerable pain. Though what was subsided in that, she gained in trifles shadowing her heart that were as if darkening as the room eclipsed from the night’s lone glimmering moonlight and the anxious tapping of the black raised, square down arrow key creased her face with a cycling anxiety. The blood of Marcus ran cold on her back… just like his heart.

Jessica absorbed and stored the information in the depths of her mind. She gawked at the screen, blinking cursors to the top right on the screen.

The text in the screen glowed in her eyes: Annebelle.

The chambers of her heart churned and choked stinging wetness in her eyes. She took her head slowly in disbelief and stayed silent. This engulfed, submerged that everything she had been through was not to be a complete stranger to her; this was supposed to be her life now. It left a bitter taste on her tongue. That could just be lingering traces of his saliva too, though.

Her daughter’s voice she still remembered, she needed no recording to remember that. And yet, she wanted to hear that high pitched voice vibrating in her eardrum. She missed her. Her mind raced.

In a feverish state her glare morphed into skeptic when she ventured off for more information of her daughter only to be bought back to the pit of maps. There were an over abundance that the thought these were his victims was but a fleeting thought.

She mused over crashing his computer, or seeding it with viruses, but that could be saved for another time. Fore she planned for her revenge to be something more concrete than something she surmised he kept back up discs of somewhere. Then that would be pointless to have done, and likely warrant trouble on her part. It was not worth it. Or she could! She froze raising her eyes back to the definite words and number on the screen that was indicative he could find her; it was too tangible projecting right at her eyes.

This sick fuck was all this had.

Between her legs she felt a slow and thick leakage and her thighs tightened, repulsed. His seed. At least he was coming out of her…

She didn’t just cum. Jessica told herself again, closing her eyes to the night and concentrated on the aura of serenity. She sensed evil stirring like a slow breeze through the murder’s house, but it was more than the general swelling of the restlessness that had normally been consistently present. She couldn’t focus on it, nor pinpoint what that may be.

One thing she was near sure of: just a flicker of a human soul now remained in this god forsaken house. It faltered within Jessica, and desperately fought to thrive. God turned his back on all this long ago. She had no acceptance of her humanity verging on such a path, merely she was neutral for the reason she want not to bother with such boggling thoughts. Not right now. There was no room.

The blue of her eyes scanned the desk before stopping and extending a hand to a pencil, slowly holding the solid point of the lead tip to the light of the computer screen. It was a brand new, never used- naturally, number two pencil. A side smile cranking on her lips. This was lead. Real lead. Her eyes shifted in the direction of the door for a sign of his presence, head stilled. Her eyes reverted back to the point. This dose would not kill him, but it was still a poison nonetheless.

Snap.

The tip of the pencil looked like a miniature gray tic tac between her dainty index finger and thumb. Jessica smiled. A mischievous smile that wanted to laugh. She held it casually, wedging it to conceal between the tip of her index finger nail, avoiding any cuts or opening that may have been at her finger tips.

Jessica dispersed her aura through out ground floor and followed the noise to where he was upstairs, in the bathroom. Her eyes glowed feasting upon his attractive form as she stood in the door frame. She would use her cunning and intelligence.

She gazed him. "You have some pretty deep wounds there." Jessica parted her lips and ran a hand slowly throwing her hair, the dark strands waving back and made her cheekbones pop before the section of shiny hair tumbled to one side of her head. Her uneasy steps let him know that what he has done has still not been forgotten and that she need to proceed speaking and approaching him with cautious steps. "I'm good at that. I can help."





He looks at her almost curiously, standing near the large granite sink as his shoulder continues to bleed out his life blood. She was offering to help him…maybe he had finally gotten through to her? His mind screams logically that she was up to something…that those furrows she carved in the back of his hand weren’t her marking him as her own. They were her still trying to harm him.

But he wasn’t very logical at the moment. Marcus was light headed, his eyes clouded over with post orgasm high and seeming far away. She was a doctor…and she was his. Of course she should patch him up. He watches her timid steps for a few moments, quite liking the way his tshirt hung around her hips. He could just barely see the reddened skin of her thighs…the sight of her was enough to make the receding bulge in his briefs twitch, the thick cloth barely restraining the monster beyond. His hands then dig out a needle from the wreckage, laying it on the counter.

The man licks his lips, eyeing her as she comes ever closer. His woman. His hands finally find the bandages in the mess she had made, and even some thin surgical stitching. He was sure she could fix him right up…unless she had one of her episodes and tried to wound him further. The thought of his seed inside of her distracts him though, his eyes alighting on her hips as he wonders if the thick cream was still filling her up, or if it had run over.

He takes a step forward, then places his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. He could almost smell her self loathing from here. He nuzzles against her cheek, worming his face closer to ear, the soft day old stubble coating his cheek rubbing against her own silky skin. Then his deep voice whispers in her ear, “Don’t look so ashamed…I know you feel bad about that mess you made when you came…” His thin lips part in a wolfish white smile. “But, we can clean it all up.” He continues, as though that was the reason bothering her, though he had a hunch that it had more to do with the fact she was convinced he couldn’t get reactions out of her.

Marcus releases her hips, and goes to sit on the edge of the counter, lifting himself up with a flex of his arms, which immediately summons a grimace and snarl from his throat. “Fucking shoulder..” His voice hits the night air nearly feral, his eyes wild from the pain. “Just do it fast…” He motions for her to have her way, facing his eyes to stare at the shower.

He had no desire to see her dig in his shoulder with a needle. But he did desire her…so he had to stay alive. At least for now. Then there was the business of the coming day…he wondered how late it was? Was it already morning? They didn’t have long to rest….though the thought of what he could do with her body for a few hours makes the tongue slide across his lips once more in anticipation.

He busies himself with the thoughts of his cum filling her tight hole, the idea that she would carry his child…he wondered if she was capable of having children? That brat they had was treated like a birth daughter…but he almost guessed Jessica’s body had never seen such trauma. She was too damn good looking.

The arm not being worked on pulls her closer to his seated position, desiring the feel of her body near his own. Even if she just stood between his legs…just touching her was enough. She was like his favorite high…and he would never let her go. Though, his work…the killings…was still the top of the list. At least he hoped so…

Throbbing need fills his brain, the thought of spilling fresh blood that was not his own making his mouth water. And now he had someone with whom to do it with….she would have her first kill. He could almost feel his cock hardening at the thought.

Marcus wondered if she would prefer a knife or a gun once they got past her first…if she would hesitate, or immediately go through with it. The thought of her killing with him, or even for him, truly aroused the demented man.

He also vaguely wondered if she would sleep in his bed with him. The thought of her tight body held against his own muscled frame was…appealing. Though not for gentle reasons, such as his desire to be near to her at all hours of the day.

No.

The killer wanted to smell the scent of their fucking, see the signs of it as it ran down her legs and wet her thighs, he wanted to feel the way she hugged against his hips because she knew what was beyond…he just doubted she would ever allow such a thing.

And the fight was just about gone out of him tonight. The blood loss, combined with the days activities…it was enough to make the man tired. He waits until she finishes stitching him up, then heads over to the bed. The man systematically replaces the covers, the blanket, and the pillows, before crawling in himself. It had been an exhausting day…

And unless she attacks him, or other so assaults the man, he falls asleep rapidly, arms spread wide as though to claim his territory.






The feel of the killer's body rippled against her soft, curveous form and she stiffened at his touch, as though a coating of worms crawled underneath her skin. But the crawling howled and stretched with it's own budding sense of contentment to his touch- just as much as she rejected it. She had no one left. There was only him... this... thing that wanted to harm her. Or love her. But she sided with harm. She recalled as he nuzzled against her face, as if with an urgency. It almost

In that moment she questioned the consideration if she should really poison him. That if this small, trivial amount of affection, even if it was out of selfishness, can rise out of something something so vile. But that was just the human decency that remained inside her. It desperately must have searched for any make shift of connecting him to anything human, even if the rebellion of her mind disagreed.

That died right at his utterance that enraged her. She was sure he could feel the stiffened expansion of her body as a large breath held in her lungs. A boiling rage it was, though it could be mistaken for shyness, or guilt- and a part of it was. She could give him that if that is what he initially took it for. Her fingers twitched to abuse him in some sort of violent way to signify her disapproval, the sheer hatred she felt for him at that second.

He was wrong. Wrong! What would he know? Worried Jessica, but then realized the answer was nothing and it instantly simmered the compulsions brimming at her surface. He knew of nothing. She reminded herself again. Though she couldn't escape the haunting squishing feel of his waxy substance inside of her or the dried and flaked sheets at her thighs and ankles that were once her own wet and hot cum.

It's okay. He would pay for it. She assured doing everything she had with in her to not trip any suspicion, including letting him get near her hands. The mini lump of lead still stayed wedged in her nail, she could feel the pressure of it.

Finally he sat on the counter, mumbling. She retorted, "Shut up. And sit still."

She could never truly vent her scolding vengeance upon him, on account of the leverage he pertained and this annoy blockage that for whatever reason and for whatever it was, would not enable her to kill this man. Nor at the very least display her disdain for him volumes of brutal violence. But now.... she abruptly went to work with cleaning the wound.

Durning the flick of her finger injection, he had not noticed, perhaps lost in perplexity at the hazing thoughts the evening would ensue on his mind. Or maybe it was the feel of Jessica's ripe body at his finger tips, the faint natural scent of a womanly vanilla that emitted from her aura, that could possibly be seeming to come from the dip of cleavage that penciled at the neckline of his over-sized shirt. The two mounds, not overly large, but had a nice, defined and inviting shape that would draw his eyes to the turns of her shoulders in which her collar bones would pop. When that could happen, Jessica could feel the purping bite and suck mark at her neck. The broken blood vessels seemed to be jointed together no thanks to his hated, expert of a mouth.

Detecting no threat, the bead of substance entered. A poison? Hardly! But she smiled as if getting away with something, and technically, she was. She did, as she no gently sewed him up, making it as painful for him as possible.

It was a sweet moment for Jessica.

He went off... uncaring as to where or what and Jessica showered, desperate to scrub him OUT of her, while tending to the night's battle wounds. When finally finished, not totally feeling clean, still dirty and tainted no matter how much she reddened her skin with scrubbing, she explored the house for a bedroom with a lock and found none. She had settled for that bedroom where she was locked in earlier with the broken in door. Anything was better than sleeping next to him... that monster that she did not understand why she felt some sort of... connection? Something. Unless it was hate, she wanted it not on her troubled mind and dismissed it.

Jessica crawled exhausted and sore in the empty bed and cocooned herself in the blanket that still had a stench of his appealing scent. And drifted off to a much required slumber. That sweet moment; it had seemed to occupy her thoughts from the evening events, as she felt unreasonably satisfied with herself.




*=Prime example of description and detail as referenced in my RP Requests and Writing Samples thread.
 
Today I walked. I walked over five miles in the outside streets for the first time since I was, probably, sixteen. I walked for at least five, no six, laborious hours. I walked through the rain. I walked through the mud, I walked up and down paths of this cozy little town I had not seen at all in the past two years, even in desolate areas. After the fourth hour I could not go on for much longer, but I did not care. Water or food was of no importance to me. I had no destination. The time I imagined I could keep up with was undecided and most astonishingly and proudly surprised myself at the distance and length I completed.
 
Last night some peeps and I had a scary-face-off via pic-mail. These pictures both amuse and terrify me. The lengths we went to...
Everyone was completely sober. Whatever lord there is out there help everyone around us.

I love these types of friends. :)
 
That guy I referenced on page one, the superficial dick. I knew I would never date him seriously before I ever met him one on one. I acknowledge it was unrealistic and it was never going to happen, but for some stupid reason, Idk, I hoped that maybe he would show me otherwise, that he was just misunderstood, not some superficial sexist dick. But after additional time with him, still nothing. I knew what I was doing, that it would never work. I have no right to be disappointed, but I kinda am, not at him, but myself for stringing it out for so long when I knew it would not work for me.

Not all guys are dicks; Some girls, and guys, do not know better or think all they are worth are their appearance or income. I don’t judge people, attractiveness, style, etc, and determine if that’s what makes me what to get to know someone on an intimate level, I mean, sure, maybe sometimes if I’m in tune with inner Neanderthal.

It's not asking much to be liked as a whole- not as a half.
 
It'd be kewl if people bought their coffins early and decorated it up until they die. Forget tattoos, this is should to be the new shit.
 
The past few days have been disgustingly amazing. It's difficult to recall the last time I stayed up all night utterly engaged in deep, passionate, intellectual conversation/debates with someone. One minute it was 9PM, the next hour the sun punched the night sky and it was 8AM.
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

The room I was sitting in felt tight. The smell in the air was quite musky and I was easily able to tell that there had been hundreds to thousands of guys who have sat in this exact same chair. Their circumstances had to have been a lot different than what I was going for, but the room was used for the same reason. People snap, I snapped, everyone snaps. But I don't think that people snap and lose control in the way that I had, nor do I think anyone could have ever snapped in that way, especially against someone that they had loved for so long and had just been united with for the first time. I don't know what got over me.So there I sat. Feeling more alone in the world than I ever had before. The light above the table bounced off of the dull, grey suit I was wearing which replaced my entire sense of identity. I would now only be known as a number and the birth-given name that I was blessed with when I was born was no longer needed to identify me in a crowd. The grey, brick walls that surrounded me entrapped my entire character in their rough, jagged texture. They knew just what kinds of materials to make to force someone to feeling so stripped of their innocence and self-worth that it almost felt like I was the victim. As I took another drag from the harsh, generic cigarette hanging from my dry lips, I heard the door behind me open. For a second it sounded as if it was staying open and my entire insides lit up and gave me a false sense of freedom, but as I felt the freedom, it was shattered away by the metal hinge creaking closed again. I'm not going anywhere for a long time. The lady coming into the room and sitting in front of me was there to make sure of it. She was world renknown for her legal battles she had against rapists and murderers, all because of her personal struggle she had gone through when she was younger. She was known everywhere, and I was known nowhere. Yea, it's decided already with no court in front of me and no jury to convict me, I'm not going anywhere. She pulled out the chair in front of me and without even looking into my face, I could tell she truly felt sorry for the harm that I had caused to the love of my life. As she threw the file onto the table, I could understand that she meant business - her business was making sure I never saw my loved ones again. She was there to make sure that I never saw the color of grass anymore or that I never felt the cool, warm breeze from the Southern air blow across my face anymore. I hated this bitch and she had yet to even speak a word to me.

As she sat down in her chair, she lifted the file open, breathing out a sigh of what one could describe as disappointment and utter disbelief. I didn't care. I just wanted to get this shit over with because I was tired of being in this cold room. I was thirsty. Her eyes crossed the table and slowly made their way up to meeting mine. I could tell she didn't want to talk to me and she was only here because of the pay she was receiving.

"Alright Jesse, it shows here that you broke into one of your neighbor's homes last Saturday around 3:30am and went on with demanding that the 24 year old female who lived there give you what you ask for and you'll gladly leave the house without harming anyone. Can you please explain to me in your own words what happened so that we can make sure these reports have been well documented?"
As I sat there in disbelief of how the report was padded with the fact that I broke in and demanded anything, as well as the fact that I don't live here in New York which means that she couldn't have possibly been my neighbor, I went along with her bullshit. I stood up from the table and began pacing back and forth, trying to collect my thoughts.

"Ricky, I'm going to have to request that you remain seated during this investigative interview."

I turned my head slightly as I began recounting what had happened, completely ignoring the fact she told me to sit down.
"There's a few things you need to straighten out in your report before this is able to carry on any further. I don't live in New York. This is the first time I've ever BEEN to New York, therefore Ellie was not my neighbor. I met her online and she and I have been talking for about 6 months now, and honestly, we were madly in love with each other. I never wanted any of this to go down, nor did I plan to do any of it. I didn't break in, I was invited in."
"My plane had just landed around 2:30am and she met me at the airport. After sharing what seemed to be the longest hug that I had ever given anyone, I truly felt my place was there with her. She drove me from the airport back to a hotel here in Albany, and I was getting out of the car, she insisted that tonight I stay with her because her grandmother was out of town. I told her that I didn't have a problem with that as long as she didn't, and so we both proceeded to her home where she invited me inside."
"I left my suitcases in the car and we both walked up to the front door. As she slid the key in, I couldn't resist. I had to kiss her. I had to feel her lips pressed against mine. I grabbed her shoulder and turned her so that she was facing me. As I placed my cold hands on the side of her face, I drew in closer to give her a kiss - nothing passionate, just something to say that 'I'm here now.' Apparently she didn't want this, and she turned her head. It hurt, but I could see why she didn't want to get that close yet, so I let it go."
"She looked up and said she was sorry, to which I told her she didn't have to be. It had been a long flight and I just wanted to get some sleep. She opened up the door and I followed her into the house where I then turned around and shut and locked the door behind me."

Interrupting me, she blurt out "So you had intended to rape her? Locking the door was your way of keeping anyone else out?"

In disbelief, I sat back down in the chair and slammed one of my hands onto the table. "No! In no way did I have any thoughts running through my head of anything sexual happening. I locked the door because it was 3 fuckin 30 in the morning and we were going to sleep."
"She grabbed my hand after I shut and locked the door and told me that she does love me, even moreso now that I'm able to be there with her. And that now, we work on our relationship more closely since we're both together. It's all I've wanted and she's all I've ever wanted. I was content on keeping everything on a new relationship level and keeping the sexual interactions out of the entire situation."
"We walked into her room where she grabbed a few pillows and blankets and she then lead me down the hallway where she showed me the guest bedroom. She opened the door and tossed the stuff onto the bed and told me that this is where I'd be sleeping tonight. Honestly, this shocked me even more because I thought that we would be able to lay in the same room, to sleep on the same bed and for me to be able to hold her until the next morning. She had other thoughts."
"I kind of laughed a little and said, 'Seriously. I'm sleeping in your room.' to which she replied, 'No, I think it would be best if you slept in here tonight. It's the first night, just stay in here and in the morning I'll make you something to eat and we can relax and lay with each other for a bit.' I wanted her to have things done in the sense where she was comfortable, so I went along with it. I gave her a hug and told her goodnight, to which I walked into the room and shut the door behind me."
"I heard her walk back to her room and shut the door, so I spread the blanket over the bed and tossed the pillows up to the headboard. I took my pants and shirt off and crawled into bed, thinking of how the night had been a little awkward, but was hopeful that things would pick up and we could go back to being the way we were. While I was laying there, I realized how long it had been since I had taken a piss, and then it hit me that I really had to go. So I got up from the bed and quietly opened the door and walked down the hallway to where I had noticed the bathroom was. A few feet past her door, which I guess had been cracked open a little because it didn't get shut all the way."
"As I walked towards the bathroom, I looked around the hall just checking stuff out as I made my way down. As I got closer to the bathroom I peered through her door to see if she had fallen asleep yet. Her lights were off but the glow of the TV struck the bed so that I could see all she was wearing was a long shirt and a pair of red, laced panties. The shirt was up around her stomach because of the moving she had done while in the bed, so it was pulled up where I could see her ass was sticking out a little bit."
The doors cracked too... creeo. If I hear any creakinor see any shadows...
"The light lit her body up just enough that chills ran up and down my back, and I honestly got harder than I had ever been before. Knowing that laying in the room was a girl that I would have to wait to be with and that I had wanted for so long just wouldn't have any part of any sexual desires to be with me at the moment. It was just a ton of innocence laying only 15 feet away from me, and it's all I wanted."
"She and I had discussed many times that a 'rape' roleplay scenario would turn her on tremendously and that she thoroughly enjoys that sort of scene. I thought, 'What better way of having my first sexual encounter with her than doing it in a way she loves for it to be done?' So I pushed the door open, just enough to slide into the room. As my bare feet touched the cold floor, I wiggled past the door and quietly shut it behind me."
"I made my way over to the bed and ran the tips of my fingers up the side of her bare, soft legs. She must have fallen asleep pretty quickly, because the touch of my hand didn't seem to phase her in the least. I walked over to her closet where I noticed she had a pair of old, worn tennis shoes that looked like they hadn't been worn in a long time. I picked them up and quietly and slowly began removing the laces from the shoes as I heard a faint movement behind me."
"As I tossed the shoes back into the closet, I turned around with shoe-laces in hand where she sat up, looking straight at me. She then asked me what I was doing and why I was in there. Holding the laces firmly in my hand, I looked back and told her to shut her whore fucking mouth, and that I wasn't waiting any longer for this. She tried getting up from the bed, but I walked over and shoved her back down where she fell onto her back."
"As she scrambled to get back up, I got into the bed with her and pinned her arms down. I put my face into hers and I then began to kiss her on the lips, where I felt her mouth close down tightly to prevent me from doing so. 'Is this how you want to do it? Fine, we'll do it this way.' I said to her. I felt her legs squirming underneath me as I lifted my body up, still sitting on top of her."
"I took one of the shoelaces and tied it around her right wrist as tight as I could without cutting off the blood-flow to her hands, but enough to where she felt the pinch and enough to keep her from getting out of it. As I was tying the other end to the bedpost, I felt her slap me quite painfully across the face with her left hand. It was as if she truly didn't know what was going on."
"I proceeded to tie her left wrist up in the same way that I had tied up the right one. She pulled as hard as she could and I could actually see the tears rolling from her eyes. This was something she didn't want, but I was too far gone to have even cared. I wanted this, and I was going to get this. I grabbed her by the legs and turned her body over. This made it so that her arms were crossed and that removed some of the power that she was using in trying to escape from the shoelaces."
With her laying on her stomach, I got into the bed and began running my tongue up the back of her legs. I run it up her right ass cheek and all the way up to the middle of her shoulders. The taste of her soft, innocent skin gave such an erection that I felt like I was going to explode. I grabbed one of the pillows she had on the bed and put it under her face. Her screaming at this point was beginning to get a little too loud and I was honestly afraid that someone was going to come in and interrupt this entire played out fantasy that I had going on in my head."
"I pressed down on the back of her head into the pillow to muffle the sounds of her crying and yelling. With her head pressed down, I leaned in and began kissing through the middle of her back down to the lower section of her back. My hands ran up her thighs and I could feel the warm sense of her skin pulsating through my fintertips."
"With my right hand, I ran it up to the tip of her pussy, and even though she probably will still stand by the fact she didn't enjoy it in the least and that it was non-consensual rape, I still felt the juice from her leak down onto the tips of my fingers. I spread open her lips and began stroking the entire inside of her as I felt her clit stiffen up. I moved my head downward and while I had her spread open, I began running my tongue all along the inside of her. I felt the tip of her clit stroke the tip of my tongue, and the sweet taste was everything I had imagined and more."
"With the feeling of her being so wet and it dripping from the tip of my chin, I lifted up from her body. At this point, I proceeded to remove the pair of boxers that I was wearing. As I reached down, I slide two of my fingers inside of her where I could tell she was visibly in pain because of it. Her back arched upwards and my fingers went in deeper. I slid them in and out quite a few times until I then began to rub the wetness from her crotch all over the tip of my dick."
"With her back arched and her ass in the air, I grabbed my dick and slowly began rubbing it along the insides of her pussy lips, down to her clit and back up again. All I wanted to do was feel the warmth that she had, and that's exactly what I got. As I then proceeded to slide the tip of my dick into her, she lunged forward with one more attempt to get out of the shoe laces, which made me fall forward. As I fell forward, the entire rest of my dick plunged deep into her where I felt her lips and the inside of her tighten down with a firm grip."
"As I began working it in and out of her, the wetness from her pussy dripped down my body and down onto the bed. The bed felt soaked to the touch, and I felt inside that she was truly enjoying this and that I had made every right decision in what had played out that night. I reached under with my right hand and began to slowly stroke her clit as I moved my dick in and out of her, feeling her clit get much more firm."
"I could tell that this position wasn't doing a whole lot for getting where I was wanting to be, so I backed out. As I backed out of her, I turned her entire body back over to where she was then laying on her back. She looked up at me with the most intense and fearful eyes, that it shook me. I couldn't look at her with the tears and make-up smeared down her face, so again I grabbed the pillow and placed it over her face to silence her whimpers."
"With the pillow resting over her face, I lifted both of her legs with my arms so that my dick lined up perfectly with the hole of her pussy. Using my palms to prop her legs up by the bend of her knees, I leaned forward and I felt my dick slide right back into the same wet hole it had been in a few moments ago. I released her left leg with my right hand I reached down and began stroking her clit with my thumb as I thrust in and out of her."
"She kept asking me to stop and that I really don't need to be doing this - that everything is going to come with time in our relationship. With her right leg on my shoulder, I let go of her leg and reached downward to her throat where I placed it down firmly to keep her from being able to talk."
\"As I knelt there, thrusting inside of her, stroking her clit and putting pressure onto her throat, I felt like I was giving her exactly what she wanted. I turned my head slight and bit the inside of her leg - not hard enough to leave a bruise, but hard enough that I could taste her skin in my mouth. I felt her smooth, warm skin in my mouth as I had wanted. Her foot jerked as I bit down and I felt like she truly loved every bit of the rough fuck that I was giving her."
"With my dick still inside of her, I had a thought run through my mind that I wanted her to be mine forever. I wanted this body to be mine forever. As I felt myself ready to cum, I began to squeeze her right tit with my right hand and I plunged deep into her as hard as I could and as fast as my body would allow it. With one solid move, the entire bit of warm cum that I began to shoot covered the inside of her. This was unlike any other sexual experience I ever had. I honestly felt my nuts begin to ache because of how hard I came inside of her. The warmth from her pussy around my dick made me gasp to catch my own breath, but it was the best experience of my life."
"I got up from the bed and proceeded to put my boxers back on. With her still gasping for air under the pillow, I heard her mutter the words, 'Get the fuck out of here. Leave now.' and I truly realized what I had done. Without wanting anyone to know who I was and thinking she wouldn't be able to identify me enough to be caught, I rushed into the guest bedroom and put my shirt, pants and shoes back on. I rushed out of the house, opened the car and grabbed my suitcase and began walking down the dark road back to the airport where I would try and exchange my ticket. As I arrived to the airport, that's where I encountered your friends, and now I'm sitting here talking to you."
 
RE: Wavers of Reality — [& Journal] — [Comments Are Kewl]

I want sushi and vagina in my mouth.
Now.
 
My sister is going cliff jumping this weekend. I don't care what people do, however, call me crazy but I think this is a dangerous activity and she might need some words to bring her back to reality. Anything I say would not change her mind. It's not my business so I shalln't say anything to her other than to be safe and try not to die or if she does to at least be bad ass about it by aiming for the sharpest rock, and just write my concern here.
 
Love is love. Attraction is attraction.
If someone is against gay marriage because it's 'wrong', then one should not let it bother them; it's as simple as those people merely choose not to live that life style and leave those who do alone to live their own life. It's not their business if someone wants to marry the same gender. They do not like it, then they should not do it, rather than try and control other people's lives.

I know someone who is against gay marriage, not because of same sex marriage; but because he believes more taxes will be taken out of his salary. He thinks things should have remained the same or banish marriage altogether, or at least void the added tax portion of any newly wed gay couple. He also thinks this opens the door to multiple other paths: "marrying their dog", incest, polygamy, etc. He is conservative. I do not agree with his views, but I understand and he is entitled to his own opinion, everyone is.
I also think if he was concerned with making more money (which he makes plenty of) then he should work harder to make it happen for himself until he is happy with what he makes. Those who chase money for happiness will never be happy though; numbers never end. Nor will their search for happiness.

Even those whom oppose gay marriage because of the same sex gender component are entitled to their opinion. If that's what they want to do, if it entertains them, causes no harm, then go for it peeps! I feel bad for them for putting all that unnecessary stress and negativity on themselves.

love-is-love.jpg


Now to find another intelligent, challenging, and attractive(beyond looks), with a heaping cup of insanity, woman who truly is attracted to females. As if finding a man with these qualities is not difficult enough.
 
It's nice when people notice your character qualities instead of your physical qualities.
Anyone who has vision can notice physical qualities because nothing's hidden and it takes barely any actual interest to notice them.
 
If your partner starts abusing you in any way, they are no longer your partner.
Partners have the same goal in mind. Partners help each other. Unless your goal in life is to be verbally, mentally or physically abused on the regular...They aren't suitable for you.
 
You are worthy of being loved. You do not have to give your body away or be a people pleaser for it.
I know people who cannot accept dinner from their date without feeling obligated to sleep with them after. If the date expects anything in return for the act of 'kindness' then the act nor the person is kind.
 
Just a reminder to my partners: Vacation still has me hostage.. and vice versa. I cannot make any promises for writing up responses before the month is out.
T'ankles lots for being so wonderfully patient! :)




If somebody likes me, I swear I am the last person on Earth to know. -Blush, face palm- I can barely compose another full sentence on the matter other than to justify it with I am happy with who I am, no matter how untimely oblivious I can be. Oh, Brittany, what am I going to do with you..
 
The things I could record if I only had the time!

In the RP Disasterpiece- Lena, I aimed towards a borderline personality, which all BPD's have a slight sense of narcissism. And it was perfect that my partner made his character a narcissist- since the two disorders naturally draw each other. She also had a form of psychosis.

In the RP F**K- This character had some depression and addiction issues.

In the RP A Killers Affair- I aimed her to be a narcissist. I am not sure as to which type of narcissist, but I think more of a cerebral narcissist made the most sense.

Oh! Also, BTW, the only thing I know is that I know nothing" is something I've been saying for years, before any knowledge of philology.
 
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