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O Fortuna...

Re: school being older.

You'll be more focused and do better in your classes now than if you would have carried it straight through. Not saying you would have done poorly, just saying you'll be better with some maturity and real-world experience.

Also, you'll probably find that the freshmen and such straight out of high school are too worried about looking stupid or something to actually ask questions. Take advantage of that and be willing to discuss things with the teacher.
 
I plan on it. Somethings I need to shown step by step of what to do. Which for most of my classes won't be a problem as they are on a technical level >.> I won't be starting til the spring so it gives me some more time to get my things straightened out (I.E. Work.) Since I'll only be going to school part time in the spring and move full time in the fall depending on ze cash flow.
 
Trust me I know if Harriet would have died. It would have been EVERYWHERE. BESIDES

She can't die till I give her her smexings! :D

Anyway~ In news! Mr. Sir is here till Saturday~ Which is awesome. HE OWES ME BACKRUBS. Actually I might go cash in on one now~ :3 If I can get him off his game. >>
 
In a little over 24 hours I'll be 22. The scary thing is my mother is more excited about it than I am.

I'm not sure if that's a fail for me or not.
 
Then morning breaks and Sunlight takes the pain Away...

I don't know what happened last night. Seriously I don't. I was curled up in bed, Mr. Sir in the chair and I got really really lonely. And of course instead of Pestering Mr. Sir about it (he was engrossed in his game most of the time he was here >> or whatever movie we watched.) I went into lock down mode and tried to distract myself. Texted Try and the Bf. Still managed to cry myself to sleep. Pah. :/ Bf did try to cheer me up though (Try does in his own way xD; even if I get strange looks for my dislike of Filet Mignon~ I WANT MY MEAT DAMNIT D: I'm one of those Bonecleaners~ ;3) I just don't...know.

I think it's because Mr. Sir was kinda...well. Not himself. I think it's also the fact the WHOOOOOOLE fucking time he was here I got two hugs. TWO HUGS. Not even a backrub (mainly because by that point I was just like Fuck it. >> He was too busy gaming to notice.) he usually tries to give me. :/ Which he couldn't last time because I was in SO much pain....well when he wasn't here anyway. Last time I saw him I saw him with Karo for Negotiation purposes.

Speaking of that.

If my opinion of her could have gone any lower it just did. Seriously she was tolerable before. Now? No. Self-centered egotistical who was so selfish as to do what she did. Even Mr. Sir admits that was a mistake (and not just because I got tangled up into a very nasty middle of it.) mainly because it was like she was kinda one of those barnacles you couldn't get rid of (for a looong time). I mean trying to stop by unannounced just because you wanna get laid. >> Seriously. It's an hour - hour and a half drive there...When I go see Mr. Sir it's never a spur of the moment kind of thing. Usually we plan a day or two in advance, sometimes even up to 3 weeks in advance. Just cause right now it's a lot harder for us now to make the time to see each other.

But back to the earlier topic.

I think my main thing is I'm so touch deprived right now. I haven't touched anybody to my knowledge between when I saw my boyfriend and Mr. Sir. So ...um...almost 2-3 weeks? Sounds right.

I miss the days I could get a hug every day. :/ The whole time I've been living here, or other places even it has never gotten to this point. Ever. I think it's because too I try to make friends with my friends and they bail on me. I feel kinda like my social life imploded on itself. My best friend guy friend currently is more interested in games than talking to me. Other than scolding me over some things though. Or...apologizing. Or actually just talking to somebody for an actual conversation. Not to tell me to post cause they haven't gotten laid in 2 years.

Meh. Can I haz hugz?
 
Don't fret precious I'm here
step away from the window
Go back to sleep

Lay your head down child
I won't let the boogeyman come
Counting bodies like sheep
To the rhythm of the war drums
Pet - A Perfect Circle​

I got the following message in my Facebook Inbox:

Hello long time no hear i hope you remember me, koda's friend we also hung out for awhile. i have lost my phone and all of my contacts and need to get them all back so if you would be so kind as to get me back here or call *** *** **** so i can get back in touch i dont have or need a facebook thing this is my partner's face book

This little snippet of a message put me through two panic attacks in one day. Mainly because the person who sent it to me almost raped me three years ago. *twitches* I have not spoken nor seen this person in the same amount of time. My supposed friend at the time had been trying to get the said Male's attention away from her and got it directed towards me.

A weekend in which I thought a group of friends would be hanging out turned out to be just me and my worst nightmare. It took me over a year to actually say something to someone other than San. And even then no one knows the whole story beyond what I can tell them. Can being based off the fact thinking about details gives me a panic attack.

The reason I had two in one day? One the fact he A.) Tried to message me at all brought back stuff I had been trying to block out for years, and b.) the fact that he was looking for me.

The fact that I remember having an idle conversation about him the following week with said friend trying to NOT think about it and her bringing up he was a Psychopath (or was it Sociopath? or both? I don't remember) and the reason why I was there...

...

It made me sick. Needless to say I hardly speak to that friend anymore either.

I think a nice long shower is in order. and ice cream. And some Machine Gun wielding Mustangs.
 
Lately I've been on a Music binge. I'm only listening to certain songs/artists.

One of these artists that I'm listening to is not a Well known band. >> And my favorite song on the album is talking about raping someone.

I'm not in an odd mood at all.Nope.
 
Out of curiousity I put my Music Harddrive on Random. So far the mood hasn't changed. o-o

However one of my favorite songs started to play so I dun care xD.

I'm totally ahead on my bills :)
 
Current Projects/RPs

- The Asylum Sleep - MM - Aislynn has visions of things before they happen (Normally in a destructive sense), her stepfather puts her into St. John's Mental facility for her 'disease'. The facility is not actually treating patients but rather sedates them so no problems arise. ~ Well. Until now.

- Teufelstanz - xWickedBlackLace - Lucifer has had enough of the failures of the demons of the city and tries to prove a point and a lesson to them by taking a soul of his own. However some things are no longer as easy as they once were when Emotions fight with Logic.

- U-Turn in the Fast Lane - H a r r i e t - A mysterious invitation arrives for Terra that offers a lifetime of shelter and food in a Post-Apocalyptic earth. The course? The only one worth driving on. The Autobahn. The risks? Oh nothing much just your life when you have heat seeking missiles aiming for your engine.

- Frozen Kisses - Ronin - The near ancient Siofragana has gotten lonely over the years as her coven has now spread across the world. However a run in with a stranger down on his luck may change things.

Deception in Disguise - Hahvykins! - In the Victorian era things were set in stone on to how a Lady and Lord should act. So what about those misfits who act under the radar? When a missing Fiancée goes under the guise of a boy to find out the truth of her future husband there is more intrigue than she had bargained with.

Technologic Physics - MarxistPanda - Detention for the suave geek and the industrial goth wouldn't exactly mix up this way. However when her science teacher for Physics makes it almost impossible to graduate she goes to see Axel for some help.

Under the Glass Moon - MarxistPanda, xWickedBlackLace - A curse stricken carnival run by a madman known only as The Ringmaster set to become a true immortal falls into the lap of an journalist. Meanwhile two of his captives fight to keep themselves alive in the Twilight realms.

Midnight Dust - MorphineMonkey - Sci-fi pirates and the Chocolate booty~

Planet Hell - OPEN ROLEPLAY- I finally got around to posting something there like in the old days. Gawds. I should do so more often.


--- Stories

Forsaken Lullaby

NaNo layouts

The Garden of Eden Bounty Hunter stuffs.


I have stuff to occupy yay!
 
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
Cold - Crossfade​

Today my friends and I went to the hookah bar. At first myself and Kyle were thinking it was just the two of us going since I could not get a hold of my chick friend (ATT sucks balls around here FYI >>.) Well finally when we're almost there she calls she's on her way and she has a surprise that she got from the store for ME! Well I'm like o.o? Okay sure whatever you didn't have to xD; so we're waiting for her and I'm looking for this Red Ford fusion.

Suddenly I see this Silver Scion tC. And it's just not any tC. Nonono. See my friend was in the passenger seat. It was who was in the driver's seat that was my surprise. In high school this person had been my best friend. Sister even. I was not good to her after I got involved in an abusive relationship. In fact I told her point blank I didn't care if she died. I wasn't me anymore. And I probably will never be quite the person I was in Freshman year.

Damn it I missed her like hell.

She's one of the few people who knew all my secrets. Who knew I was not okay. In 06 we tried really hard to start from scratch but then we had a falling out of sorts. Not in that we didn't care about each other but in that she and I just lost touch. I found out the majority as to why tonight. Other than the fact her current boyfriend will always hate me for whatever reason (I don't think anybody will find out why he's just like that. Fuck it's been 7 years since I last saw him). It was just...conflicting things I guess? Sort of? We're trying to catch up. Hopefully she'll be able to come over Thursday. I can only hope. We need to seriously.

>>;

Plus she said she'd help me clean the apartment xDDD; I promise to post up pictures this time xDDD.

But I really did miss her :<

She might join BM too~
 
Will probably not be on much until Vekseid fixes everything xD; I can be reached through various Messengers if you wish to talk <3 or Discuss future rps :).

THE WHITE BACKGROUND HURTS MY EYES D:<
 
In the past 24 hours the following has happened;

1.) My mother has decided I do not have enough sexy clothes for my trip and is taking me "Girl shopping' sometime next week
2.) Flash Floods up to 6"+ occured near my apartment complex.
3.) The power went out and my mind is in another LACK OF SLEEP mode
4.) Tax-Free weekend started
5.) Work was surprisingly dead til about 30 minutes before I left. ._.
6.) manager begged me to stay later. I got stuck an hour later.
7.) I got a $300 paycheck :D
8.) I go out to my car to have it be Dead dead.¬.¬
9.) It takes Three different cars to jump said POS. The funny thing was it was a new Tacoma that managed to start it versus an OLD truck AND a Minivan >>; wtf. He did have Heavy duty jumpers though. .-.
10.) My mother texted me saying that my grandmother is gonna call me later and accuse me of stealing her guitar.
11.) In actually my mother sold her guitar about 4 months ago and she just now noticed.
12.) Mom's asking me to play stupid.
13.) Is pisssed her mother put her on her grandmother's bad side after fixing said relationship.
14.) Shopping is about to ensue to make me feel better.
 
SO I haz autographed books now by Kelly Armstrong~ *happy Vega is Happy* and I found Stranger than Fiction (I would say this movie is in my top 10 favorite movies of all time >>) for $5 at Best Buy. Yesterday I was sicker than a dog :< Still feel a bit like crap but that is to be expected.

I got $2 steaks at the storrreee :3 *win* I also bought 10 Sobes (Normally $1.69 each) for $4 XD; And laundry detergent for $2.50. >>; Have I ever mentioned that I'm exceedingly good at getting deals? XD

Oh and Gram gave me a vacuum cleaner and a grill. xD thus why the steaks :3!~ mmm Heinz 57 sauce omnomnom. Sad though that watermelon isn't on sale anymore. :<

I've lost 30lbs since I've moved into my apartment >.>; I've only been living here since End of April/Early May it's only what August? So that's like 10lbs a month. *preens* I'm proud of myself.

AND I still get my ice cream :3

Mom is gonna take me shopping for a new bathing suit xD All mine are too big now lulz.

I essentially eliminated Sodas from my diet >> For the most part anyway. I eat a lot of chicken and turkey vs beef. <.<; So I'm doing better :)
 
I really should -not- be getting upset about this. :/

People operate differently in LDRs right? I'm no different than I was before maybe because Sex was never a big deal to me because it never happened. And I don't know if it's just because he keeps bring it up or it's my PMS talking or what but I'm starting to get a little upset about the whole thing. Why? Because I don't just want this vacation to be an extreme cesspool of sex and well sex. :/ I miss him like crazy and all I'm really craving is some cuddle time. CUDDLE TIME. Which hardly happened last time he was here.

To translate = I am an extremely affectionate person as well as being very touchy feely.. BUT sex was never a big deal to me. Maybe because I have nerve damage so honestly I can barely feel anything down there anyway.

I know it's because he's all pent up because he hasn't seen me in over a month and a half and therefore completely affection deprived but still. Can't we do something that normal couples do eh? Like go out to dinner or something? :/

I think it's just the fact I'm effin lonely and my PMS talkin vv'
 
There's always reasons to make mistakes. Because then you do new mistakes next time. So they're beautiful mistakes.
Ville Valo​

I blame Altair for my rediscovered HIM obsession. Seriously she saved my muse from the effin GRAVE. GRAAAAAAAAAAVE. <3

I wanna squish hims <3 Ah well I really need to quit being a slacker o_o Tomorrow is Laundry day. Yes.
 
Yes she is <3 I'm happy I finally went and bugged her xD I wanted to ask her a few months ago but I was in the midst of moving :<
 
With mystic touch
life in my clutch
Cling to me like an evil crutch
Saint or sinner, friend or foe?
I am the saviour you'll never know
'Rasputin' - Johnny Hollow​

So lately I have discovered that I'm more comfortable roleplaying with a Female player who is playing a Male character than a Man who's playing a well Man. Wtf I don't know. Or rather not exactly more comfortable but the creative juices flow a lot better. I don't know why. o_O; I noticed this while I was rping with Altair, Hahvy and Harriet actually. Lacey too even though it's Reversed. I have MORE to say than normal.

Where as if it's a male it's more of there not being enough give. Maybe I'm wired weird. I dunno. Some thoughts?
 
WARNING
The following is about to be a rant induced by multiple headaches and PMS. You have been warned.​

Dear Person,

Quit being so fucking impulsive. Will you quit being such a fucking prick and I don't know take a fucking hint? Oh wait you don't. Okay I'll put it layman's terms for you.

I do not like you. In fact you annoy the fucking shit out of me. Obviously if I didn't say something about it its okay. Don't try taking an initiative, it's not gonna work mmk~? I find it funny that you're on a sexual roleplaying forum but don't cyber. See see, there is a vast difference between cybering and roleplaying. Cybering, to me, is just sex in short inconsiderate posts to the user with the sole purpose of getting one or more parties. Where as in Role play it's more intended for there to be a distinctive role in it, like in its a story. So if You are classifying that as cybering well. I wonder sometimes just how mature you really are. With how you act I'd say not much.

Stop trying to do my job. It's not yours it's mine~ Mmk?~

I would put you on my ignore list - but that wouldn't help with said job so I have to tolerate you. And my tolerance level is slowly dripping so far into the negatives I didn't think anyone would get that far so quick in a very long time.

Congratulations! You are on my shit list <3 That means anything I say to you (If I remotely pay attention to you passed my job~) will more than likely be dripped in sarcasm, and be toying with the thoughts of turning you into a Eunuch. :3
 
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