Medieval Fun Time Land (Anyone can join)

Squishypink

Squishypink

Supernova
Joined
Apr 12, 2013
Welcome to the realm of Averndell, a genre-savvy medieval RP where the quests are epic, the elves are tight, and the fourth wall is more like a see-thru fence. Or maybe a rug. Have fun! Raid a dungeon! Gather epic loot! Try to find a way to make bards useful! Do whatever the hell it is you people do!

Anyway, just about anything goes in this RP. There are no set limits on what actions you may or may not take, nor what fetishes are allowed/prohibited. Just remember that if your character starts shitting out of his or her dick-nipples, it's going to scare off all the other players and then you're all alone covered in shit, just like your junior prom.

There are just a few basic rules:

-No god mode (you're not in a Dragonball Z rerun)
-No royalty (see previous rule)
-Low Magic levels (no god mode artifacts or having unlimited powers)
-True medieval tech level (sorry, no steam power and no guns)
-Basic player races only (the usual humans, elves, halflings and such)
-Age range needs to be within site rules (or risk the dreaded banhammer)
-PVP is allowed, but god mode is disabled and the Open-GM system may lead to some unfortunate results
-Haterade is prohibited. If you have quaffed deeply from your gilded hater chalice, you may want to try another RP.
-Have fun (mandatory)
-Don't be a douche burrito
-Beware the ancient and terrible curse of Wu Tang

*Notice: This RP will feature an experiment in 'Open-GM', where every player can act as the GM, DM, ST, or whatever abbreviation best suits the shadowy hand controlling the world's NPCs and determining the results of some actions. Use this power to help create a fun and engaging atmosphere. Don't be a douchebag and go around trying to get people killed.

[[Use double brackets when making a GM post that will affect other players so that they know what's going on.]]

Your character doesn't even have to be present in the scene for you to use Open-GM brackets, and you don't even need to post anything of substance besides the bracketed GM action. This lets people play around and have a good time even if they can't seem to get their character involved in anything.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena walked along the muddy path on the outskirts of Averndell in the cold glow of the autumn moonlight. The air was chill against her bare skin, and the skimpy metal outfit seemed to freeze her delicate bits, making her wonder if she ought to get some kind of cloth liner for the bikini plate. That might even cut down on the chafing a little. Of course, neither the chafing nor the cold was anything compared to the arrow sprouting from the top of her left boob, which had stuck fast despite her attempts to remove it after the bandit ambush up the road a ways. That sucker was really in there. Of course it occurred to her that she ought to wear more armor, maybe even cover her vital regions instead of trying to look pointlessly sexy in the middle of battle. Of course, if she did that then she might not get hurt as much, which would mean far fewer trips to the healer.

Lena's mouth watered at the mere thought of all the cure spells that would have to be cast on her. Besides the arrow, there were a few nasty looking slices along her unprotected abdomen that had nearly done her in. All she had to do was head to the tavern up the road and find a nice healer to send her body into ecstasy and feed her rampant addiction to healing magic. Coins jingled in the pouch on her hip, a prize taken from the bandit leader, as she hopped up the steps to the Maiden's Head tavern where a lot of adventuring types liked to gather. There were always a few healers hanging around looking to make a few gold, and if nothing else she could at least find someone to help her with the stupid arrow.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

[[Heads turn at the girl's entrance. A few snickers are heard, along with quite a few whistles.]]

Míchon had just taken his seat in the tavern when the door opened again, revealing a scantily clad woman with a few major injuries. The dark elf's gold eyes widened a little in surprise, at first thinking this girl to be human, then seeing her pointed elf ears. He hardly noticed that the bar wench had set his tankard of ale down in front of him because he was so focused on the elf girl.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

[[A frog jumps out of Michon's tankard. This bar was never particularly known for the quality of their beverages, only for their alcoholic potency]]

Well, this was crap. None of the healers Lena saw on the regular were here tonight, just a crowd of various shady tavern types, all tucking into their drinks or some unidentifiable pub grub. Roadside adventuring taverns were supposed to be shady, but this place took it to a whole new level. She heard the whistles and the hoots at her skimpy armor, but that was nothing new. Nor was the feeling of eyes roaming over her body anything out of the ordinary. Heck, any other night she might have teased the crowd with a bit of bare flesh, but right now she was way too sore for anything fun. Feeling suddenly weary as all hell, she trudged to one of the long tables and plopped down on a bench, her metal thong instantly wedging in her butt crack in a *very* uncomfortable manner.

"Maybe I should switch to leather for the bottoms," she thought out loud, reaching back and adjusting her bikini mail so that it wasn't asserting itself so rudely into her junks. A dark elf sat a little further down the table from her, looking mysteriously enigmatic whilst maintaining an enigmatic mystery about himself. "Hey darkie," she called. "Got any spare healing potions?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon nodded. "Yeah, I always keep a few extra on me, just in case."

He quickly put a hand down to his side and produced a bottle of the magic red liquid from a pouch. He handed it to her. "Name's Míchon." He examined the girl again. "Bandits try to get you?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"Thanks," she said, accepting the offered potion vial. It was just a light curative, but it would hold her over until she could find a proper healer. "Yeah they tried alright. A couple of them almost got me, too." Her fingers fell to the uncomfortable slashes along her belly, probing to see just how bad it really was. Pretty bad, actually. If she hadn't chugged her last potion to stop the bleeding she'd be lying in a ditch somewhere. She flicked the arrow in her breast, making a hilarious spring sound, before bending over the table so it pointed in Michon's direction. "Think you could give me a hand with this?" she asked, grabbing the table edges and bracing herself.

[[Thunder crackles outside and rain begins to drum on the roof of the tavern]]
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

The dark elf shook his head. "Damn. Those guys are getting bolder." He looked at the arrow protruding from her chest, then grabbed on to it. "This'll hurt." He pulled, the arrow coming out with a little effort (and some blood). Míchon took the arrow and looked at the tip. "Huh... I'm surprised that they didn't use a lower quality arrow. Most bandits use fire-hardened wood arrows." He pointed the arrow at Lena. "This'n's got an iron tip on it."

[[With the rain starting, the tavern owner calls out, "Anyone who is still here when the rain comes down gets a free room until it's over!"]]
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena pressed her hand over the gushing boob hole. "Yeah, no kidding," she grunted, her face screwed up in pain as she uncorked the potion with her teeth and downing the whole thing with a few noisy gulps. A demure burp punctuated the spectacle, and she glanced around nervously, more embarrassed about her bodily functions than her appalling lack of armor sense. Still, the blood stopped flowing almost immediately and the slashes along her tummy filled in halfway. More importantly, a warm glow spread all through her body, by far better than the warm happy feeling at the start of a night of drinking. Lena had the derpiest smile on her face as she fumbled in her coin purse for a handful of coins to pay Michon for his potion. "Thanksh a million," she slurred, sliding the coins across the table. "By the way...don't trusht dat fuck...dat fuck...fucking fucker wiff the free roomsh. Alwaysh billsh ya in the mornin'." She patted her purse with a jingle. "Lucky I got a fat purshhhhh...heyyyy...got any more'a dem poshunz?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon chuckled. "I know about the rooms. I've been here often enough between my adventures." He looked down at the gold coins, well over the price he'd paid for the poiton. He pushed them back, along with another potion. "Consider it a gift from a friend, miss...?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena popped the cork and chugged the next potion, manners forgotten as she got her fix. If she felt good before, now she was on top of the world, little gold speckles dancing at the corners of her vision. Her wounds sealed up completely, leaving only some angry red streaks that would be sore tomorrow but no longer risked any serious harm. "Leeeeeeeeee-naaaaa," she sang, laying down on the table on top of the coins that had been refused. She grabbed the barmaid's ass as she walked by with her hands full of tankards, paying no mind to the way the girl cursed at her in response. "Sho gooooooood. Where'djoo get dese enny-waysh? They hal...halfal...halaughlin...hobbit poshunz?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

The dark elf shook his head. "No, the hobbit potions don't work as well as these ones. They're from a wood elf." Again, he shook his head, this time at Lena's total lack of manners. "You're a healing junkie, aren't you." Not a question, but a statement.

[[In the back of the tavern, a verbal war between an orc patron and the owner about a room has started.]]
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena giggled. "And you're not? These thingsh feel so goooooooood..." Of course, the real thing was even better, healing magic straight from a caster. That was the premium shit, right there. But damn, wood elf potions were a close second. She unconsciously fondled her chest, not realizing that a couple of patrons had started staring at her and only barely noticing the orc shouting in the background. "Toldja bout the roomsh...sneaky sneaky..." It was all going so well until someone threw the chicken.

Lena sat up sharply with a sudden panic as the frantic farm fowl fell flapping on her feminine front, the motion catapulting the bird across the room and into someone's food. It freaked the fuck out and its spasms splattered the patrons at the table with mashed potatoes and gravy like some vengeful specter of KFC past. The patrons panicked in turn, standing up so quickly as to tip the table and send a pot of hot broth splashing onto some barbarians, whom you could tell were barbarians because they all wore the official barbarian uniform of fur man-panties and war paint, and they jumped at the opportunity to get stuck into a good old fashioned tavern brawl with some guys who had really just wanted to enjoy a quiet evening without any devil chickens or thong-warriors.

"I think we better go," Lena said, suddenly much more sober than she wanted to be. "Wanna split a room?
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon chuckled, taking in the spectacle. "Yeah. Let's here." He noticed a clear path through the ruckus right by their table. He stood and, taking Lena's hand,ed the way, taking a couple of stray hits from one of the barbarians.

After escaping the tavern brawl, the dark elf found an unoccupied room. It was sparsely decorated, with only a bed and a small table with two chairs. Unbuckling his sword belt and removing his quiver of arrows, he flung them on the table. Míchon then removed his boots and flopped on the bed. "Well... that was interesting."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

[[the brawl continues below until its broken up by a one eyed hobbit swinging someone else's wooden leg and demanding the return of his chicken]]

"Freaking chicken out of nowhere," Lena sighed, sitting reversed on one of the chairs and leaning on its rickety back. The fowl had ruined a perfectly good high, and Lena's foot was twitching already with the need to get her fix. "So...now what? I mean, you didn't want my gold before. I don't wanna be in your debt or anything."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon sighed. "It gets lonely, going out on quests without anyone by your side." He turned to face the elven girl. "I thought... maybe... that you'd like to accompany me on an adventure?" He pulled a folded up piece of paper from a pocket on his vest and waved it. "I've got a bounty hunting job right now. Some criminals have been harassing a village on the riverbank. Would you like to join me?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"Hm," Lena grunted by way of response, leaning over to take the map and open it up. Sure enough, it showed the layout of Spinefang Doomvillage, a peaceful farming community known for its fancy cheeses and for exemplifying the overly aggressive nomenclature of the region. Of course, they also had a few resident healers that took care of the village folk. "Oh damn, I LOVE Spinefang cheddar! I'm in. What are we talking about, bandits? Kobolds? Amazons?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

He snorted. "Kobolds and Amazons I could handle by myself. No, it's much worse." He paused for dramatic effect. "We're going up against Medusas." The dark elf shrugged. "But if you don't want to do it, that's fine too. We can find something else to do."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Medusa bandits? That was a new one. She knew how to deal with them in theory, at least. "Well...getting turned to stone would suck pretty bad. But...damn...I wonder what it would feel like getting healed from that. I'm in, we just have to pick up a few stone to flesh potions before we set out." She paused to let out a big, sleepy yawn. "Um...we'd better get some rest. I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep in this thing." She started contorting to undo the various buckles and straps of her ridiculous armor. The breastplate fell to the floor with a heavy clunk, along with the extra cup size or two that it had added to her chest, which was pretty meager without artificial enhancement. The armored thong followed, revealing what little of her body had been covered in the first place. She was free of embarrassment, remarkably comfortable with her body even in the presence of a near stranger. "Flip you for the bed?" she asked, holding out a coin.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

The dark elf smiled, revealing his pointed teeth. "Heads, you get the bed. Tails, we share it."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena flipped the coin and caught it, turning it over to slap it on the back of her wrist where she'd hoped to see the face of some long-dead ruler whose name she'd never bothered to learn. Instead, there was the familiar gryphon crest of house something or other, which meant she had to share the bed. For a fleeting moment, she thought of welching on the result and demanding the bed to herself, but although she might be an addict there was nothing craven about Lena and she wouldn't go tarnishing what little good name she still had.

"...fine," she said finally. "But this doesn't mean we're doing anything, okay? Keep your hands to yourself tonight." She crossed and crawled into bed, sliding under the covers to guard against the chill creeping in from the windows. She had a bit of that 'fighting bandits all day' scent to her, and she hoped her lack of a good bath would keep the dark elf at bay for now.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Dmitrei sighed as the tavern door slammed behind him. He had to pay his lord tomorrow, and he was not looking forward to it. Every time the man came to the nobleman's territory, he wanted something 'extra' usually potions.

The nobleman had gotten rid of some of the better potions in his inventory out of spite. Some random Joe could have them instead. He knew that the Lord would whine about it, but screw him.

Everything was all ready for the Lord tomorrow, Dmitrei was indeed a very effective in his territory management and fulfilled his contract every time. But sometimes he needed a break from the stupidity of his underlings, and he spent his breaks relaxing under the influence of strong alcohol.

He figured that he should be getting home before it got too late. The weather said "Nope! Not right now!" But he could at least stay during the night and go home very early the next day.

The argument snapped the beautiful man out of his thoughts. "Of course a damn pig-face is causing trouble", he muttered in his smooth and enticing voice. Pig-face being a slur towards orcs due to their facial features, of course.

At the sound of a distressed chicken, Dmitrei was done. He headed upstairs, not caring about what was happening. He slinked upstairs and entered a plainly adequate bedroom, "Classy." Deciding against going home in the rain, Dmitrei flopped down on the bed.

Before he could finally doze off, the sound of armor hitting the floor destroyed the chances of that happening. He sighed and turned over on his side. He hoped that it would be the end of the noise.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

For a moment, Míchon actually considered obeying Lena, but as soon as she was under the covers, he wrapped his arms around her waist. "It's been a while since I've had a female companion," he said, whispering it in her ear.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

[[the sounds of a struggle in the next room keep Dmitrei awake a while longer]]

His hand pressed into her lower tummy, right where the sore red streaks still marred her pale skin. The physical pain of his touch there was bad enough, but the advance was also unwelcome. "H-hey, come one now," she protested, trying to scoot to the side of the bed and coming up against the wall. She curled into a tight little ball under the covers facing away from Michon. "Let's just get some sleep, okay? Please?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon 's armor met Lena's on the floor, along with his shirt and pants. He expertly flipped Lena around so that she was on her back, facing him. "You're going to like this," he said, lining up his throbbing erection with her nether regions. "I'll be gentle." Without any further warning, he began thrusting into her.

[[Obviously, the sounds of struggling became the sounds of sex. This most likely will keep Dmitrei up a while longer.]]
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"Ow!" Lena cried as the first thrust jabbed at her sex. Her body wasn't prepared yet, her sex still dry and vulnerable. "Stop, I'm a--" She never got to finish her sentence as Michon's second thrust rammed against her hymen, stretching it inward but not yet breaking it. The pain lanced through her and her voice caught in her throat. "...healing junkie..." she barely managed to whisper as the third thrust stretched her to the point of popping, and she saw stars for the second time in the night. The bliss of healing potion addiction came at the price of always being anatomically intact, the sensitive tissue regenerating its natural seal each time she got herself wasted. Tears welled up n her eyes and she cringed, trying not to look at the elf assaulting her.
 
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