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Quix's Random Bullshit Thread (Comments Welcome)

Malicious Lullaby said:
Colonial strumpet alert :D

Strumpet!!

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Why is it that, on receiving an approach asking me to portray a violent, brutal rapist, I say, "No problem, I can incorporate that if the scene, and your character appeals to me", and reiterate, as per my request threads, that needs to include the female possessing some independent sexual agency, I receive an outright refusal in regards to the latter, because they "don't play sluts." (As if the two are synonymous, but I'll leave that for another rant).

Oh, that's right, because all men are, by inclination, violent, brutal rapists, either in thought, or by deed, who immediately want to abuse and fuck any woman who crosses their path, without rhyme, reason, or cause; simply because we can. Therefore, it's a given that I'll immediately jump at the opportunity to do so in a story, whilst allowing the female character to remain the demure, asexual and innocent creature that all women are in reality.

We're both only reverting to our true natures, so no double-standards, lack of willingness to compromise, or care to have a character possess traits that mine might be drawn to take a sexual interest in (either in a consensual or non-consensual sense), there. As long as you get what you want, it's all good, and nothing else matters. I'll delete my request threads, because it appears they serve no purpose anyway.


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I could lie, and say that I'm posting this to assist people in understanding some more Australian slang in case they ever come visit. But let's be honest, it's really just a gratuitous excuse for me to post some Vision of the absolutely stunning Margot Robbie!

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNZIJmEZ91g[/video]


Also stumbled across this one in my, ah, research, which I found to be childishly amusing. I should create a thread along similar lines in Forum games!

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKC7vOhr2vM[/video]
 
Have probably hit my slowest patch with stories, since I started writing on BMR almost three years ago now, with the majority of my partners caught up with real-life, and no certainty of when they'll be posting again. You'd think that might make it relaxing for me as far as post rates go, but the strange thing is, the quieter it is overall, the more challenging I find it to complete responses for stories that are active. Edit: Not that I still don't absolutely love them, or I don't find writing the replies just as enjoyable, simply more challenging, xD

As mentioned previously, it's not coming up with the ideas I struggle with, but the 'process' of translating the jumbled mess in my head, into a logical, coherent order on screen in a way that others can understand, and reasons behind why I find it requires more mental energy to finalise a post on each individual story, the less replies I have to potentially worry about writing as a whole, I discovered more about yesterday.

Had a course at work, which I usually detest, but enjoyed this one as, because I commenced employment when the training was halfway through for the other participants, it's one-on-one, tailored specifically for me. After stating my interest in psych/personality profiles, the trainer introduced me to the Hermann Brain Dominance Instrument, or whole brain thinking. Rather than working on a left-brain, right-brain theory, it's based on quadrants, those being, Rational, Practical, Relational, and Experimental.

My preferences sat extremely high in the Experimental Quadrant,

96e37dc1d0f39ed03b713d1ee3cf96ca.jpg


and were virtually non-existent in the Practical, which, amongst other things, relates to planning and organisational abilities.

Not a surprise to me, but what was, is that apparently the brain adapts and changes it preferences under stress. What we discussed is the likelihood of that being why I always leave things to the very last second, and that the more I have to worry about, or do, the easier I find it to get them done. Without that stress, pressure, and a 'sense of impending doom', my brain finds it extremely difficult to work outside its natural preferences, and get into the intensely focused zone that allows me to more easily or naturally complete the detailed-orientated, organisational tasks that I'm so terrible at and, oftentimes, view as irrelevant in terms of being able to comprehend the big-picture.

I probably just bored the crap out of everyone with that, but hey, I found it fascinating, xD

Good news is that I do have another story to start soon, though I'm am still craving another dark and twisted scene, and not having much luck with finding what I'm looking for in that vein.

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Talking about work, we have semi-regular team-bonding functions, and next week, on the day of the US Election, all staff are invited to a 'Freedom Feast,' replete with American paraphernalia, food, and the like.

In honour of that, and the Land of The Free, I believe some Jim Jeffries is in order, xD


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjeq3NYUw2M[/video]
 
It appears that any legalisation of same-sex marriage in Australia is at least now three years away. The opposition government last night blocked a bill in the Senate to have a plebiscite on it, which would have required sending it to a vote of all Australians, and cost hundreds of millions of dollars, whilst the Party in power refuses to simply allow Parliament to vote on it.

Funny how they can take the decision to involve us in wars without holding a plebiscite, but can't legalise same-sex marriage. Got to love politics, and the supposed separation of church and religious influence from State, because you can't tell me that has nothing to do with it. At least we don't have Donald Trump!

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Finally, after who knows how many months have commenced another story.

I've found, even on E, where I haven't expressed my views anywhere as strongly as I do here, and used no sarcasm at all, that stating even the tiniest disinterest in submissive females, or dislike of submissiveness, - which, let's be honest, in, not all, but most, of its various guises, equates to, "Your character will be one with motives, and mine will be the subject of those. Therefore your character will need to lead the entire story and make things happen, because, without his intent and purpose, my character, possessing none purely of her own, has no relevance, nothing to do, nor reason to exist in the scene," makes you a virtual Pariah when it comes to finding partners.

I'd estimate those who only portray 'submissive females' account for a minimum of 80% of the total pool of female character writers, which then leaves a maximum of 20% as potential partners, before we begin. Of those, it's then a matter of finding those who overall preferences for stories, themes, settings and characters match, which is a difficult enough task in itself. And then you need to incorporate those who somehow take 'independent' to mean 'asexual, ball-busting ice-queen', which, whilst slightly preferable to submissiveness, is also not what I'm looking for.

Maybe my odds of even locating, in the first instance, those capable or willing to write a confident, sexually independent, interesting in her own right, female character, with goals, motivations and intent all her own; a co-lead, not just a supporting cast member; are no better than one in a hundred?

Oh well, as much as I might sometimes bitch, I'd rather wait than take on stories against those whose characters have no point of difference to distinguish them from the vast majority of others, just for the sake of it. Thanks again, as always, to every one of my current, amazing partners.


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Finally got around to buying myself another laptop. I've needed one for a while, but me being me, it hadn't become quite urgent enough. However, the final straw was last night, when I had to restart the old one five times within two hours, needing to wait for the start up repair to finish on each occasion, until it worked properly. If it hadn't, I'd likely still be there, as I wasn't going to give up until either it did, or exploded in my face.

Now, just to see how many times I swear at, and want to throw the new one out the window, when I arrive home and attempt to get it working. My disorganised brain goes into meltdown, and finds it an extremely task to complete, when it has more than one cord (or piece of paper!) to deal with.

Then, after I do eventually get there, I'll likely be confused as fuck for a good while, trying to become accustomed to Windows 10. If you don't see me around for a week or so, you'll know why, xD

Edit: I probably should have checked it had an ethernet port! Now, the shops are closed, and the frustration will have to wait until tomorrow, after I've bought an adapter. At least my old pc is behaving itself for the moment.



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My brother celebrates a milestone birthday on Thursday (and since I'm tired of trying to distinguish them by eldest and middle, the former is Craig and the latter, Noel), however with what's been happening with the separation from his wife, her mental health issues, and attempting to get the kennels open, he hasn't even had time to think about it, or organise anything.

So, Mum's going driving up Thursday, and we're taking Noel, and his two sons, out to dinner at his favourite restaurant. Fijian Indian cuisine, where they don't cater to the sensibilities of the Western palate, and when you ask for it hot, that's what you get. My favourite restaurant as well. Whether Craig has been invited, or even knows, I've no idea. Likely not.
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Ooh Fijian Indian! That sounds yum! Have fun love! Does that explain your lack of PM?

It's yummy, - I'm already planning to order a Lamb Rogan Josh to eat at the restaurant, and a Beef Vindaloo, to take home for the next night, both extra hot - and doesn't matter how long since you've last been there, the owner remembers, and greets you by name.

You might need to check your messages, and see who sent the last? I was waiting for to reply, but didn't think it'd been quite long enough for me to come stalking. I look forward to hearing the "Quix, you were right," when you do, because we both know how much you love saying that :)
 
Ooh all of those sounds good, though the lamb dish sounds the best. I've never been a fan of any vindaloo dishes >.< I don't like the spices used >.< I do love that about Indian restaurants. That's how it is for us at the Indian place we go to. We've gone so many times this year especially the owner knows us all and makes sure we have the best of the best of the buffet.

I did check my messages baby and I had sent you a reply. So unfortunately you won't be reading those words from me xD Your goof-up this time :D Bahahahaha.
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Ooh all of those sounds good, though the lamb dish sounds the best. I've never been a fan of any vindaloo dishes >.< I don't like the spices used >.< I do love that about Indian restaurants. That's how it is for us at the Indian place we go to. We've gone so many times this year especially the owner knows us all and makes sure we have the best of the best of the buffet.

I did check my messages baby and I had sent you a reply. So unfortunately you won't be reading those words from me xD Your goof-up this time :D Bahahahaha.

This one is like a classic family restaurant and traditional cooking. They're always fully booked out, with people waiting, but even when they were offered the vacant space next door to expand into, they said no, because they wanted to keep it small and maintain the friendly, family atmosphere they had. I love the heat of Vindaloo, and the spices of Rogan Josh. Might even have goat, instead of lamb!

And I hate saying it as much as you do, but I can man up, and eat humble pie when I have to. Mail,

YOU WERE RIGHT!

That's what happens when you get interrupted writing a PM, save to drafts, then your brain later tells you that you've sent it. But, no excuses. Completely, utterly and totally my fault, and I should never have blamed you without first checking my facts.

sorry.jpg
 
Hehe that is a good philosophy but if it is always busy and full up...I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to wait so long, I don’t care how fucking dope the food is xD

MY NAME IS NOT MAIL! Asshole >.<
But yes, I was right. :D

Hehe lol. It’s okay love. Although I gotta figure out revenge for you calling me Mail, yet again >.<

Daw look at that little puppy! Looks like my little booboo when she knows she had done something bad! <3<3<3
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Hehe that is a good philosophy but if it is always busy and full up...I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to wait so long, I don’t care how fucking dope the food is xD

MY NAME IS NOT MAIL! Asshole >.<
But yes, I was right. :D

Hehe lol. It’s okay love. Although I gotta figure out revenge for you calling me Mail, yet again >.<

Daw look at that little puppy! Looks like my little booboo when she knows she had done something bad! <3<3<3

I'm the same, I'll walk for an extra five minutes to get my morning coffee from a place that's less busy, to save waiting three minutes in line at the first, xD We have a booking, though.

But, your name's not really Mali, either!

I'm sure you'll figure something out; they don't call you Malicious (or is that Mailicious?) for nothing, xD Just, please, no fifty-one minute response posts!

I was thinking when I saw the pic, that the dog could be similar to BooBoo.

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Latest google search trend for the phrase 'Move to Australia'

G7ZGEMw.jpg


I wonder what caused the spike?
 
Dinner went well, and my brother's finally got an opening date for the Kennels, 14th December in time for the Christmas Holiday's. He has about forty tentative bookings already, which is a positive start, including one for a dog that the other kennels in the region have all refused to take, because if anything happened, they wouldn't be able to lift it, or don't have a vehicle it'd fit it into! An Irish Wolfhound weighing one-hundred and four kilograms, or two-hundred and thirty pounds.

I wish I had the video, to post, that he showed me of the owners young son riding it as if was a horse. When they asked if he'd take it, he said "No problem, I've got a Ute and a Tractor," and his main concern is more with how the hell it's going to fit through the doggy-door!


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In honour of Remembrance Day, 11th November, another iconic Australian song, and one I don't think I've posted before.
[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y24hwp2F2c[/video]
 
Got my new laptop up and running just fine, and it's nice having one that doesn't crash every five minutes. Just in time, too, as the old one completely died the same night. Fortunately, I didn't lose too much, as I keep all my documents either in email, or in google docs, except a few movies and documentaries which I'll need to download again.

Or, download some new, as I found out today Planet Earth 2 has recently been released by the BBC. The original Planet Earth was the most amazing series of nature documentary I'd ever seen. and I anticipate this one being just as good, if not even better, judging by trailers. The photography is incredible, and I can't even begin to imagine the patience required to capture the footage.


[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8aFcHFu8QM[/video]


Who needs thriller movies, or car chase sequences which you have front row seats to this real-life drama instead?

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv9hn4IGofM[/video]


As Douglas Adams said, in relation to his belief in a god, and the beauty of nature:


quote-isn-t-it-enough-to-see-that-a-garden-is-beautiful-without-having-to-believe-that-there-are-fairies-douglas-adams-888.jpg


And I couldn't agree with him more. I'd watch wild animals in their natural environments for weeks, without getting bored. If there's anything I find spiritual at all in the world, it's witnessing nature at work, in all it's glory and tragedy.
 
So, I've been in discussions, plotting a story on E with a potential partner for the past week or so, based on a premise from my thread. The plotting's being going pretty well, except that the more ideas she threw at me, the further away it moved from the original idea. However, i was happy to compromise, and throw my own suggestions back, as the concept still sounded fun, but I think the straw that broke the camels back came yesterday, when she hit me with;

"Now, I'd like to introduce another, female character, who's in cahoots with your male, and a partner in his plot."

My response to that was, "I'm ambivalent, because I wouldn't feel comfortable writing a female main, along with a male, as it'd require me delving further into the female mindset than I think I can (or want to) realistically pull off, and it'd also take too much agency away from my male character, it being his intent the original premise was based around. I'm happy to write more than one main male character, and for females as secondaries, including as many as we need, but not as a prime mover, as you've suggested, for the reasons I've mentioned. And you writing that female character to manipulate your other female character with, wouldn't really work"

Anyways, today, I receive a message back stating, "I still want to incorporate it", accompanied with a 'cast list' including that female character! More than a touch presumptuous, I'd have thought, considering my previous reply, and we all know what happens when you attempt to back me into a corner, or force me into anything, whether you believe you're being subtle about it or not. :)

It'll be interesting to see her next message, after I reiterated what I'd already said, but this time in less uncertain terms, and made it clear that if it was something she was stuck on, we weren't going to agree, and might as well move on.


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That conversation went pretty much along the lines I expected. Apparently, having reservations about writing a female main character, which wasn't even mentioned or alluded to in my initial premise, after making many changes to the scene to accommodate her preferences, until one eventually arose that I said I'd rather not include, means "I can't compromise."

Additionally, stating that "If it's something you're stuck on, we're not likely to agree" after she didn't even bother to address my reservations but, instead, simply responded with, "I'd still like to include her," and added that female character for me to write, who was not needed and only served to unnecessarily complicate the plot, to her cast list, is me "issuing an ultimatum."

The above, in combination, make me a "petulant man-child."

Don't you love people who feel the need to resort to personal insults over intelligent, rational conversation or disagreement, simply because they don't get their own way? Displays the level of maturity of, dare I say it, a petulant woman-child.

Looks like I dodged a potential bunny-boiler bullet there.


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Slightly frustrated with the pace of my stories at the moment. Please no-one take this as a criticism, a prod, or me being in any way annoyed, as you know I adore you all, and our stories, and sympathise with the fact that I'm aware you wish you had the time to write, even more than I. I'll wait for as long as it takes for a reply. It's a collective frustration, rather than individual, and directed purely at real-life, which has hit pretty much all of my partners squarely between the eyes at the exact same time. I think my writing brain is beginning to atrophy :)

Now I've said the above, I'll likely get hit with eight replies at once at some stage, then come back here all stressed, and bitch about that!
 
Thank you to a couple of my awesome partners who posted, and I sincerely hope my little brain-clearing comments above didn't in any way pressure you! I'm sure not, though, and I'm even more certain you'd let me know if they did, xD!

Not quite eight, but more than enough to help kick my writing brain back into gear, one of them being a completely unexpected response, time-wise, to a story that I'm certain will be the death of me, due to the fact that I don't think, regardless of the delays and hiatuse its had over a more than two year journey, and will likely continue to experience, I'd ever be able to let go of, without feeling like I'd lost a part of me.

No more than any other, as I love all my stories in their infinite variety, but with this particular one, in some strange way, it's those very delays that continue to feed my addiction to it, and create a need to write the character fully out of my head. We haven't yet even begun to scratch the surface of what he's truly capable of.
 
One of the things that I love about finding long-term partners, over looking for specific stories, is that if a scene doesn't work out for whatever reason, or you find that the idea is great in concept, but very difficult to execute in roleplay, you can mutually agree to drop it, and move onto another.

So, have a new story story in planning; one, to say the least, with dynamics different from any I've written on here before, that I'm really looking forward to, and should be a lot of fun.

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And, okay, I've been trying to ignore my 'need to know the answer' OCDness, but it's refused to go away for the last twelve hours or so! Almost three years, I've been writing on here, and I've realised, I remain clueless when it comes to the rules on dialogue; where it should be placed when changing between, or interacting with, multiple characters, and moving from action or internal thoughts of one person, to the speech or actions of another.

It comes to the fore yesterday, when writing the post below, leading to me cutting and pasting sentences and paragraphs, and chopping and changing the placement of dialogue, for a ridiculously long time, until I thought it 'read right'. Pointless, really, because I still had no frigging idea if it was or not. I have a similar issue with commas, but that's another story, xD.


Internet Killers Post[/color]]

Watching her gaze move to the group of young women, Analise's expression entranced him. The way she briefly closed her eyes and parted her lips indicated to the killer not signs of fear or hesitation, but physical signals of excitement, as blatant as the erection he'd drawn her touch to. What had the Dyke thought about that? Norris made a mental note to ask later, if there was a later for Analise, and shook his head at her renewed display of ego, after she stepped out of the car. "Hopefully, it won't be you that needs to die, Ms Helm."

Whether she heard his reply was uncertain, as the woman was apparently in a rush, swiftly calling out to the bouncer, and leading him by the hand into the club. Another excited twenty-something girl out for a fun night, dragging her possibly reluctant boyfriend along with her. That image elicited a sense of mirth in Pete, before the music assaulted his eardrums. When Analise's grip slipped from his, he made no effort to shout out, or follow, but instead, allowed her to disappear, content to leave her to hunt for their prey.

Ordering a Pepsi at the bar, he placed himself on a stool, and let it be known that he wasn't looking to be approached by his straight-backed, standoffish demeanour. As he sipped at the beverage, he surveyed the crowd again, and located Analise on the dance floor, which quickly began to fill. Pete contemplated as he watched, gaze moving from woman to woman, if they sensed the same force of personality in her that he did, and which would be her target.

Would Analise would find her, or would the other find Analise? Who, out all these pretty, young girls, would be the one later that night on their knees in front of Pete Norris, battered and bleeding, features screwed up in agony, begging for her life, and body ravaged beyond repair. All for his enjoyment, and that of the confident, attractive woman strutting her stuff under the strobe lights, to whom the other dancers appeared to gravitate like moths to a flame.

It didn't take long to find out, and Pete appreciated the choice. Smaller than Analise, pretty and lithe, she'd appeared to be the aggressor, and that was a positive. She might put up a fight. When they departed the dance-floor, he tossed a ten dollar bill on the bar counter, and slipped through the crowd towards them. Like a shadow, he moved, avoiding eye contact with others, and making himself invisible, until he eventually reached the two, having deliberately stayed out of Analise's field of vision. He knew how much she enjoyed surprises.

"Not leaving without me, I hope?"

Without warning, he slipped between the couple, nodded his approval to Analise, then smiled down at her companion, "And you are?"

The stranger giggled in surprise as she looked up at Pete, and appraised him, obviously not minding what she saw. "Stephanie."

"Nice to meet you Stephanie, I'm Pete. Pete Norris." He savoured the opportunity to reveal his identity; it wasn't as if she'd live to tell anyone. "Mind if I tag along?"

Stephanie giggled a second time, briefly causing Norris to wonder if Ms Helm had ignored his orders, and the girl was drunk. Or maybe she was just a slut, happy to be picked up and screwed by random strangers any night of the week. Most likely the latter, the majority of young women were these days. Blame it on feminism. "Not at all."

The killer's charm worked a treat, as he placed a hand on her back, and continued to casually flirt, heading out of the club, where only a few people lingered outside. Taking over the lead from Analise, he distracted Stephanie's attention from the isolated location of the vehicle with friendly banter, and led them to it.

"Oh, did Analise tell you, it's her birthday?" When they arrived, Pete used the remote on his key-ring to unlock the doors, flashing lights briefly illuminating the darkness.

"Really?" The girl shot a congratulatory look at Analise, then returned her attention to Pete.

"Really. And a man's got to keep his woman happy, so, tonight, you're her present."

Glancing over at his partner in crime, Norris popped the trunk. ""Isn't that right, honey? Why don't you explain to this cheap whore what you want me to do to her, and how I like it rough. Ask the bitch if she enjoys taking it up the ass." His tone suddenly ice-cold, and the words, taunting, Pete noticed the girl shirk slightly away from his touch.

"Um, maybe this isn't such a good idea." Stephanie took a step away, confused eyes darting between Pete and Analise, and the dark, deserted car park that stood between her and the safety of the Club. However, even if she'd realised that she'd gotten herself into a dangerous situation, and intended to try to run, it was too late. The second the words spilled from her mouth, Pete Norris pulled her towards him, and launched a vicious fist into the woman's solar plexus.

As the impact doubled her over, dropping Stephanie to her knees, gasping for air, with shock writ on her features, he reached into the trunk. Collecting a length of nylon rope he'd prepared earlier, Pete draped the noose over their victim's neck, then jerked on the other end, tightening the cord around her throat to prevent any screams, and raised an eyebrow at Analise Helm. "You want to drive, or shall I? Somewhere quiet, where Stephanie and I can become better acquainted."


So, if there's anyone out there who'd like to edit the dialogue tags, (mostly in the last two thirds of the post) and demonstrate where they should correctly be placed, I'd be forever grateful!
 
Hey, Quix, looks good. Honestly it doesn't matter where you place the descriptions, before or after the dialogue, as that has more to do with pacing. Like, one rule of thumb is to make the details of dialogue few and far between and mostly use simply "said" "asked" so the reader can gloss over that part and save the descriptions of like facial movements and internal thoughts for separate sentences not attached to the dialogue unless it is absolutely crucial.

As for the placement, it is customary to put "he said etc." right after the first sentence or sentence break. I'll use a few of your sentences as examples.
Original:
""Isn't that right, honey? Why don't you explain to this cheap whore what you want me to do to her, and how I like it rough. Ask the bitch if she enjoys taking it up the ass." His tone suddenly ice-cold, and the words, taunting, Pete noticed the girl shirk slightly away from his touch.

Example
"Isn't that right, honey?" his tone suddenly ice-cold, and the words, taunting, Pete noticed the girl shirk slightly away from his touch. "Why don't you explain to this cheap whore what you want me to do to her, and how I like it rough. Ask the bitch if she enjoys taking it up the ass"

I used this one because you're stopping to describe his tone of voice and the action is immediate, I assume happening at the same time as he says the rest of the stuff.

Original:
Stephanie giggled a second time, briefly causing Norris to wonder if Ms Helm had ignored his orders, and the girl was drunk. Or maybe she was just a slut, happy to be picked up and screwed by random strangers any night of the week. Most likely the latter, the majority of young women were these days. Blame it on feminism. "Not at all."

For that one, I'd put "Not at all." on its own line entirely because those aren't her thoughts and it briefly gets confusing who is speaking by the time you get to the end. You might even want to position it at the front before she giggles because I don't think it hurts the pacing much.

Honestly, it is very bogged down with the internal thoughts slipped in between everything, so, while he's having these thoughts to himself, you lose track of what was said and where the conversation was going by the time you get back to it.

The stranger giggled in surprise as she looked up at Pete, and appraised him, obviously not minding what she saw. "Stephanie."

"Nice to meet you Stephanie, I'm Pete. Pete Norris." He savoured the opportunity to reveal his identity; it wasn't as if she'd live to tell anyone. "Mind if I tag along?"

Stephanie giggled a second time, briefly causing Norris to wonder if Ms Helm had ignored his orders, and the girl was drunk. Or maybe she was just a slut, happy to be picked up and screwed by random strangers any night of the week. Most likely the latter, the majority of young women were these days. Blame it on feminism. "Not at all."

Like these three lines, I got a little lost in hearing the conversation. Almost like hitting pause every 5 seconds. I know that's how rp is supposed to be, and the fun is in knowing all these minor thoughts and exhaustive details. But just letting you know, since you asked, where it was a bit of a clunky read. Usually dialogue is simply "said" and "asked" with very minor adjectives placed here and there. And even that is frowned upon because writing like that is assumed to be a bit lazy. The adjectives, I mean, because you're supposed to convey emotion and personality through actual description rather than "ly" words. Although I do break that rule myself because I like reading that way as well. ^^;
 
Rudolph Quin said:
Hey, Quix, looks good. Honestly it doesn't matter where you place the descriptions, before or after the dialogue, as that has more to do with pacing. Like, one rule of thumb is to make the details of dialogue few and far between and mostly use simply "said" "asked" so the reader can gloss over that part and save the descriptions of like facial movements and internal thoughts for separate sentences not attached to the dialogue unless it is absolutely crucial.

As for the placement, it is customary to put "he said etc." right after the first sentence or sentence break. I'll use a few of your sentences as examples.

Original:
""Isn't that right, honey? Why don't you explain to this cheap whore what you want me to do to her, and how I like it rough. Ask the bitch if she enjoys taking it up the ass." His tone suddenly ice-cold, and the words, taunting, Pete noticed the girl shirk slightly away from his touch.

Example
"Isn't that right, honey?" his tone suddenly ice-cold, and the words, taunting, Pete noticed the girl shirk slightly away from his touch. "Why don't you explain to this cheap whore what you want me to do to her, and how I like it rough. Ask the bitch if she enjoys taking it up the ass"

I used this one because you're stopping to describe his tone of voice and the action is immediate, I assume happening at the same time as he says the rest of the stuff.

Original:
Stephanie giggled a second time, briefly causing Norris to wonder if Ms Helm had ignored his orders, and the girl was drunk. Or maybe she was just a slut, happy to be picked up and screwed by random strangers any night of the week. Most likely the latter, the majority of young women were these days. Blame it on feminism. "Not at all."

For that one, I'd put "Not at all." on its own line entirely because those aren't her thoughts and it briefly gets confusing who is speaking by the time you get to the end. You might even want to position it at the front before she giggles because I don't think it hurts the pacing much.

Honestly, it is very bogged down with the internal thoughts slipped in between everything, so, while he's having these thoughts to himself, you lose track of what was said and where the conversation was going by the time you get back to it.

The stranger giggled in surprise as she looked up at Pete, and appraised him, obviously not minding what she saw. "Stephanie."

"Nice to meet you Stephanie, I'm Pete. Pete Norris." He savoured the opportunity to reveal his identity; it wasn't as if she'd live to tell anyone. "Mind if I tag along?"

Stephanie giggled a second time, briefly causing Norris to wonder if Ms Helm had ignored his orders, and the girl was drunk. Or maybe she was just a slut, happy to be picked up and screwed by random strangers any night of the week. Most likely the latter, the majority of young women were these days. Blame it on feminism. "Not at all."

Like these three lines, I got a little lost in hearing the conversation. Almost like hitting pause every 5 seconds. I know that's how rp is supposed to be, and the fun is in knowing all these minor thoughts and exhaustive details. But just letting you know, since you asked, where it was a bit of a clunky read. Usually dialogue is simply "said" and "asked" with very minor adjectives placed here and there. And even that is frowned upon because writing like that is assumed to be a bit lazy. The adjectives, I mean, because you're supposed to convey emotion and personality through actual description rather than "ly" words. Although I do break that rule myself because I like reading that way as well. ^^;


Thanks Rudolph, I had a feeling you might respond! It's been lurking at the back of my mind for a while, on occasion nagging at me, and it can be difficult for me to fully 'get' something, no matter how much I google, unless I can do it for myself, or apply it to my own work.

Reading your revisions and changes, all of them flow, and read more naturally with better clarity, than the original, so it's good to be able to 'see' them on screen, and compare.

I do tend to write a lot of internal thoughts; a fair portion of the time, in an attempt to inject some humour, or have a little fun by referencing an OoC in-joke with my partner, which, when you're writing directly to them, and not worried about catering to any other audience, can be one of the joys of roleplay. However, actually being able to view it up on the screen as a separate entity from the roleplay itself, and alongside your comments, helps me realise it can make it clunky, and detract from the flow/ease of reading. If I still want to throw some of those in, they could, at least, be better put elsewhere. Where and how to place that damn "not at all" is the one that caused my brain the most trouble, xD

The advice is much appreciated, and I'll definitely be referring back to it
:)
 
No problem! :) I'm by no means an expert but editing Into the Night Land, which was originally the role-play heartless and I did, I learned a lot. Especially trying to weave mine and hers dialogue together. Because, like I said, I like to have them make gestures and facial expressions and "-ly" and "-ing" all over the fucking place in between the dialogue. So, the both of us writing like that, it really became clear the space between what was said; the larger you make it, the more you "hear" silence in your head and it either sounds like you've paused the movie or the characters are standing there looking at each other for a couple beats longer than is healthy or intended. But that is professional and trying to market it to a wider audience. So, I'd mostly bank on whatever your partner prefers and says about it. Because when you're rping, you don't really notice because you're greedy for those tiny details and jokes of course.
 
Rudolph Quin said:
No problem! :) I'm by no means an expert but editing Into the Night Land, which was originally the role-play heartless and I did, I learned a lot. Especially trying to weave mine and hers dialogue together. Because, like I said, I like to have them make gestures and facial expressions and "-ly" and "-ing" all over the fucking place in between the dialogue. So, the both of us writing like that, it really became clear the space between what was said; the larger you make it, the more you "hear" silence in your head and it either sounds like you've paused the movie or the characters are standing there looking at each other for a couple beats longer than is healthy or intended. But that is professional and trying to market it to a wider audience. So, I'd mostly bank on whatever your partner prefers and says about it. Because when you're rping, you don't really notice because you're greedy for those tiny details and jokes of course.

I can't even begin to image the stress of editing a roleplay down a story would have caused to your brain, and piecing the dialogue together, whilst still keeping what you'd both written, as much as you could. Actually finishing, and getting it published is an awesome effort.

My problem is, that transposing the thoughts in my mind into words on the screen is such a 'process' for me, akin to completing a jigsaw, scattered piece, by scattered piece, in a totally random and chaotic order. When I'm done, I have trouble separating myself from the process it took me to get there, and reading the finished product as a whole, as others might.

I've honestly no idea how it comes across to anyone, which is is why I'm surprised whenever someone says they enjoy it. I can't understand the why, or what; can't they see the process and how 'structured, formal and not-exactly-flowing-off-my-fingertips unnatural' it is? To counterbalance that, and being one who hates to do something stupid or make obvious errors, anything 'objective' such as dialogue rules, spelling, grammar, and the advice you've given, are at least things I can try to ensure I get 'right.'

I've mentioned a few times previously that, if by any miracle, an editor looked to turn any story of mine into a novel, ninety-five percent of the content would be immediately excised. However, that content is a lot of what I do find fun to write and include, and to me, the great difference between story-writing and roleplaying; you can include it. I cater to one person only, and that's my collaborator, so, in the end, if they're happy, I'm happy. But I still despise making mistakes, even if my partner doesn't notice, or care about them, xD

None of that's to say I don't enjoy every minute of writing; it's the mental challenge, along with the stories themselves, each post presents me with, that I love.
 
Interesting day at work today. One of my colleagues is leaving, and the guy who does pretty the same job as me, but for different companies/entities, is going to be taking her job. And, so, I'll be getting to do his old one, as well as keeping my own!

Not too worried about it or the doubling of the workload, as, as I said. paraphrasing, when asked today if I'd do it, "My ability to cope with any amount of work, directly correlates to the amount of work that needs to be done. There more that does, the more I can, in the same amount of time."

It's funny how true that is, as I've found in every job I've walked into, I've been told 'how busy it is', only to, a couple of months later, scratch my head and wonder the hell they were talking about. However, it may mean that, for a few weeks at least, I'll have a little less time, and story posts/responses could slow down a touch.

Now I just have to talk to them about doubling my salary :)


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Does this sort of thing irk anyone else as much as it does me? Men do not take hints, nor attempts at subtlety, well. It's a biological fact!

P3cWmva.jpg


So, how is anything meant to be resolved when, although that there is an issue, is made blatantly obvious, we're provided no clue as to what that issue is, what we've supposedly 'done', or what may have led to it. By engaging the services of a clairvoyant?
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
It's the assumption of body language, facial expression and demeanor that you should know. What was it that you were saying on repeat in our PMs? Men are thick? xD

They tell me there's an issue, but not what, in the other persons perception, it is. That part is left to pure guesswork, and only exacerbates the problem, whereas if there's a willingness to communicate honestly, it can often be resolved within five minutes. Plus, sometimes you don't even have those to go by.

I was the non-thick male exception to that rule, remember! :)
 
Malicious Lullaby said:
Yeah well then I don't know xP

I don't recall you ever absolving yourself from the category of thick males xP

Hmm, I think one of my next journal rants may be about selective memory. I have it in writing, :)

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Had a couple of people ask why I'm requesting Vapid Female Character Tropes in my Request Thread header; like "I clicked on that thread under false pretences, that's not really what you're looking for, why'd you waste my time," kind of thing?

Apart from my penchant from sarcasm and hyperbole, the rest of that answer is pretty simple. When I post another request thread specifically asking for Non-submissive females, I get inundated with - drum roll - you guessed it, submissive females.

Therefore, it's also a scientific experiment to see if the result of completely ignoring what's stated in my first thread title, and offering up the exact opposite of what it so clearly asks for - wasting my time, as if somehow they're special, and it doesn't apply to them - would work equally as well with a second.

Unfortunately not; on one, I ask for non-submissive females, and I get submissive females, and, on the second, I ask for vapid female character tropes and I get vapid female character tropes, so it seems the results are diametrically opposed. Now I just have to figure out why!
 
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