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The Wish Game

Granted. You talk to some people, and mistake their language for a language close to it. You offend them, and they violently murder you.

I wish I could benevolently rule the world.
 
You rule the world, for a whole day and end up being murdered by your closest adviser.

I wish I could read minds.
 
Granted. Except you end up working at a sewage processing plant until killed in an accident.

I wish for a decent, romantic relationship.​
 
Granted, you even get married, but you have a million babies with the stud and end up living in a shoe... sound familiar?

I wish I always had food in my apartment.
 
Granted, but enroute being delivered, the delivery truck crashes and your computer is smashed under a wayward wheel.

I wish I didn't have chest hair
 
Graned, but you are unable to restart time and age normally while the world stands still.

I wish for a penis to sate my penis envy. XD
 
Granted. You receive a bloody package in the mail from your friendly neighborhood stalker. A note attached reads, "Do you want balls with that?"

I wish for touch screen everything. <3
 
Granted, but you are thrown into the right, the fighters are real (as well as quite horny), and you have no clothes.

I wish to stop this feeling of loneliness.
 
Granted. Now no one can keep their hands off of you until you are stripped naked, thrown out into the street and raped until you can't feel a thing ever again. Period.

I wish for a new music CD.
 
Granted. The CD sucks and you're forced to break it in half and use it as makeshift razor blades (by a second party).

I wish that teleportation was real.
 
Granted. In fact they become mass produced and are as common as a toaster in every home. You buy one and not everything makes it to the other side. Take your pick.

I wish my first novel is a bestseller. ^_^
 
Granted, You eat one and you become one. Then someone comes and eats you and you feel every bit of pain.

I wish I had a carpet.
 
Granted, but it's been pre-coated with the urine of a thousand house pets.

I wish I had two sets of genitals so that I may fuck myself.
 
Granted, but after fucking yourself so many times, your male set of genitals rot and eventually fall off from so much. Plus, you also impregnate yourself with three sets of triplets.

I wish that I can record Misha doing so.
 
Granted, but in return you take custody of the three sets of triplets.

I wish I wasn't possible for me to have children.
 
Granted. However, as a result karma fucks you over and a strange mother dies on your property and the police force you to take care of her quadruplets as their new mother.

I wish I had a chocolate eclair pie.
 
Granted, the éclair transforms into a big pile of shit just as you bit it.

I wish I had a sock.
 
Granted. However as soon as you touch it, it combusted into ashes...
I wish the damn ice cream man would start comin' round again...!
 
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