Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Here we go...

Trygon said:
Yes. Therapist is good.

FWIW, I think your writing is quite nice.
Click to expand...

Thank you, it's worth something to me.

I've been needing to see a therapist since 2010, but I never had insurance. I don't really have an excuse anymore. I'm just hoping they don't make me take anti depressants. I just need someone to help me cope with all the shit I've gone through and heal. Placing temporary band aids on festering emotional wounds hasn't really helped me in the long run.
 
They can't 'make' you do anything. The absolute worst case scenario is the therapist can't work with you and 'fires' you, but that's exceedingly rare and remedied by just getting a new one that you actually like. If you tell your therapist that you don't want to be medicated, they should focus on alternative treatments and leave it be.

Unless, of course, you have something that really calls for medication. There's only so much mood management can do for borderline or bipolar, for example.

I would recommend remaining open to the idea of medication. Tell your therapist that you don't like meds, that you'd prefer other choices, but let the professional tell you what they think is best, professionally. A hard no closes doors that you may want to at least look through, first.
 
Try's advice is quite sound.

Therapy is quite helpful. They don't have all the answers, but it's a good, objective sounding board to help you work out your shit. But don't expect them to give you answers. That won't happen. One thing that always drives me nuts with therapy is the patterns in which most therapists speak...in fact, I've called them out on it a lot and it always gives them a chuckle. <.< But, I'm one of those who picks up on pattern repetition in even the most mundane of things. So... >.>

As for medication, definitely do not close that door. Not saying to jump into either. It took me years to finally give the A-OK to medication. I was reluctant for an extremely long time and worked with my therapists on all sorts of alternative methods--quite literally exhausting them all--before I finally came to the conclusion that medication was something I needed to finally try. The discussions were lengthy and quite heartfelt. I did HEAPS of research on the medication that was proposed I try first. And, well, I've been on it for half a year now and...OH MY GOODNESS! It's worked wonders. But the very fact that I'm...how old?...and only just started this medication about half a year ago, gives you a pretty good indication as to just how hard I resisted getting on something. Though, for me, it's anti-anxiety. Really, all you can do is try to find that balance of what feels right for yourself. It's not an easy journey. But, hopefully your therapist will work with you, ease your mind a bit and give you as much information as they can. If your life is debilitating without some kind of aid....you might want to seriously consider trying 'something'. If not....then it's up to you to deny after all alternatives have been tried.

*hugs*
 
Thank you both for your advice. I don't think it's a hard no on medication, but I have taken two types of antidepressants in my life before. One of them made me gain a lot of weight. I don't really remember anything else happening from it. I was in seventh grade, so I couldn't really tell the difference in my moods.

The other one I took last year, it made my anxiety a little worse but overall I was in better moods. The problem was it was hard for me to sleep and also it pretty much numbed me. Like, I was happy but I'd say some really fucking mean things on accident(or maybe on purpose because I had gotten to the point where I no longer cared) to my boyfriend, who wasn't really being the best to me at the time. Even though he more or less deserved it, I felt like the medicine kind of took away my ability to judge what was okay and not okay to say to people since I'm normally very mindful of peoples feelings. It also gave me random leg cramps.

There are more antidepressants out there, but I just wish marijuana(or medical marijuana at the very least) was legal in Florida because it's just a healthier substitute for medication.
 
Speaking of, look what I bought today

https://scontent.fsnc1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t31.0-8/12195092_10153172766031931_4543348722900814720_o.jpg
 
Holy shit, what a weekend.

Friday was the absolute worse. Got paid, then used 840/950 to fix my car. My boyfriend took me out to dinner anyway(thank God for savings) because he knew I felt like shit after I called him up crying at the car service place. Then we got home, played some Splatoon and then stayed up all night watching anime.

Saturday was more of the same thing. Splatoon and anime. I didn't even get out of bed until six pm. I was content with just laying with him. We had a great time.

Sunday we had to go over to see his family, like we do every week. But we spent the morning watching anime again after he cooked breakfast. When we got home, we did the same thing. Look, it sounds super boring, but it was one of the few times where doing nothing didn't bother me. We talked a lot all weekend. I kept thanking him over and over for waking up at 2am on Friday just to keep me company until my stomach stopped bothering me. He was even prepared to take me to the emergency room because it was getting so bad. In the end I just threw up and fell asleep in his arms. I also thanked him for doing his best to comfort me after I spent such a ridiculous amount of money at once.

I gave him a blow job, twice. Made him cum. We couldn't sleep so we stayed up talking. I admitted some things about myself to him and he admitted things about himself to me. This was after I asked him if we would be together forever. He said he wanted to be.

Then I just poured out to him how much I love him. How he was the only guy in my life who genuinely, selflessly loved me. Even after I left him he never got mad at me. Never called me names, never guilt tripped me once. He told me he tries very hard to be good to me, and he's changed a lot on his own to treat me better. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

We almost ended up having actual sex, but he cared about me too much to risk it. I'm still recovering from the cryosurgery. But we were really close because of the passion we felt for one another that night.

Words cannot describe how wonderful he's been since I gave him another chance. He is truly my everything, and for the first time, I can see that I'm his everything too.

Five more days.
 
Fuuuck I need to wriiite.

Three days off, I need to write...

I need to do something with my time instead of waiting for my boyfriend to get home.
 
Monday was a nightmare. Just got back home from traveling and I had a stomach ache. Figured it was from chips, I hadn't eaten much so I thought it would pass. Wrong.

Was up at 1:45am trying to figure out what to do. I was hungry and in pain, I couldn't throw up when nothing was in there!

After an excruciating forty minutes, my boyfriend takes me to the hospital. My second time this year for stomach pain, so I was nervous. They got me in pretty quick and the doctor came in less than an hour. I explained to him what I was feeling and he pressed on me for a bit. After yelping at a certain spot, he says, "It sounds like your gallbladder" . Then he ordered a test.

He was right. They put me on some stronger pain meds until I could talk to a surgeon. He gave me the option of taking it out or leaving it. At that point we were certain if I left it in, it would only cause more issues. So I hesitantly agreed.

They did surgery that same day and released me. The pain is super bad. I hope it gets better soon.
 
Day four and the pain is getting better. Wish I could say the same about my throat. I still can't really eat. I have lost somewhere between four to six pounds since being admitted into the hospital.

I wasn't able to really see a doctor about my uvula, but it's not as long as it was before so I assume it's healing, I just want it to hurry up. This is the only painful thing other than when I try to move or sit up.

Also have some back and neck pains from laying down so much. Never thought I'd miss sleeping on my belly this much. :(
 
I am becoming increasingly convinced that I do not belong here or anywhere for that matter. I tried to ignore this feeling because I was very depressed Monday evening and Tuesday. But after yesterday, and after I smoked, I still had this feeling.

I'm going to a therapist next week, hopefully I can start feeling better about myself again. As it stands, I'm positive no one wants me around or even remembers I exist. This is not a new feeling, I've had this feeling for most of my life. It's just, now I know how to handle being by myself more or less, rather than hanging on to whatever miniscule means I have of communicating to people. In short, I don't have the patience to deal with bullshit anymore and I know people don't want to deal with my bullshit.

On a good note, I'm moving into my new apartment tomorrow. So not everything is bad, just the part of my life where human interaction is restricted and I will go without having a conversation for days. A proper one that doesn't involve me whining about how upset I am. It never makes me feel better, only worse.

I wonder if I should still drink to celebrate moving into a new place, or does that just count as drinking alone?
 
Well who in their right mind could forget about you? I may not be the most active user around here, but I can definitely see your little Niche here. You've got friends here and even if they can only communicate through a computer screen, it's far better than nothing in my honest opinion. I'm a chronic optimist myself - to the point where I could lose an arm and be like, "heh. At least I still have my other one!" and grin like a buffoon. I took some time, read through your journal and watched how you've changed over the past few years. You're strong, far stronger than you realize or give yourself credit for, and as much as I'd like to say it's something uncommon in this world. I see it far too often. The strongest souls always believe themselves to be weakest, showing their real strength whenever the circumstances demand it.

Do. Not. Lost. Hope. It's far too early to be giving in just yet. No matter what you do, keep your chin up and your back straight because no matter how small the step is - you'll still be moving forward. I'm hoping the best for your therapy and just know that this nameless little supporter is rooting for you, okay? You've got a fan that you can't let down now! If you need to chat or talk about anything - or even just vent. Shoot my inbox a message and if you want a reply I'll send one, if not - think of it like writing a letter that you never intend to send.

Just keep moving forward though. Always forward, and the funny thing about moving forward...is that it's not always a straight line - but as long as you find yourself back on your path at some point, it's all still progress. You're going to be okay, I know it.
 
I really appreciate your kind words. I know in reality people are out there and they do care about me but it's just so hard to remember when under a deep haze of depression. It makes me feel 10 times more alone, even if someone is there with me.

I don't really talk about it to anyone, so I guess it's my fault that I'm lonely, lol.
 
Nawh, Dun say that. I know some people that no matter what support is offered, they just can't talk to someone. They don't know why they can't, just that they are unable to. I think they're afraid of burdening someone else with their emotional payload, so they try to store it all the best they can, my response to that is just remember this; You can only store so many fireworks in a shed before something happens and they all go off at once.
 
I think I'm okay as far as talking to people, but reaching out to them is where I fall short.

I can't talk to my boyfriend right now because he's really stressed out about his own problems, and he's the only person I see daily...so I actually have to reach out to people I know I can talk to and I don't do that. Because I feel like they've got their own issues and stuff or they don't want to talk to me.
 
Yeah, that's the usual story I get.

I know how you feel, I was the same way - I kept everything to myself to avoid troubling anyone else thinking that noone would have the time to hear me out while dealing with their own stuff. But I learned after awhile that reaching out to someone also creates a bond with them as well, and if you've got a good friend to reach out to you'll never go wrong. Just take a deep breath in, and reach. If that fails, then stand tall - put a pair of sunglasses on your face and point a finger high to the sky and belt out, "Just who the hell do you think I am?!"
 
I'm actually going to have to agree with Jinmei here. True, I haven't been like super active in over a year and change, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you, or hell, anybody else around here hasn't forgotten you, for that matter. I mean come on, all you gotta do is just poke someone in the arm around here and say, "Hey. Can we talk for a while?" It's not gonna kill you.

And on that note, I'll add this.

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT6LFOIofRE&index=103&list=FLQ9Ud087CWVIOIRwUoXsu4g[/video]

Now I gotta get back into watching that show again.
 
Hey. I don't work, I'm up odd hours, and I'm always up for conversation. I understand my brand of speaking might be a bit more... Stressful? Adversarial? then most others, but if my relative distance isn't an obstruction to whatever you want to talk about, then you are ALWAYS welcome to reach out. Did I emphasize 'always' enough? If you ever want to reach out and feel like you'd be intruding, you can rest assured that feeling will be your brain lying to you, because I explicitly stated always. Right?

Whatever channel you like is fine. Facebook, texting, hangouts, I can even add Skype to my computer's startup list. You name it.

I've known you for quite a long time, 'Luna'. We've had our ups and downs, and it's directly because of that history that I feel like you know me better then a lot of people. I value your friendship and presence, is what I'm saying, in whatever measure you choose to give me, and I invite more.
 
BlisteredBlood said:
I'm actually going to have to agree with Jinmei here. True, I haven't been like super active in over a year and change, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you, or hell, anybody else around here hasn't forgotten you, for that matter. I mean come on, all you gotta do is just poke someone in the arm around here and say, "Hey. Can we talk for a while?" It's not gonna kill you.

And on that note, I'll add this.

[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT6LFOIofRE&index=103&list=FLQ9Ud087CWVIOIRwUoXsu4g[/video]

Now I gotta get back into watching that show again.
Click to expand...
It feels like it's gonna kill me lol. Even going into chat is a bit hard because I have no idea what to talk about half the time, and I usually don't know what other people are talking about.

But no, I appreciate it and I do need a good yelling at when I get in those moods so I remember that people DO care and they do want to talk. Been snuffed by so many real life friends I forgot that my online friends are better at keeping in touch.

Trygon said:
Hey. I don't work, I'm up odd hours, and I'm always up for conversation. I understand my brand of speaking might be a bit more... Stressful? Adversarial? then most others, but if my relative distance isn't an obstruction to whatever you want to talk about, then you are ALWAYS welcome to reach out. Did I emphasize 'always' enough? If you ever want to reach out and feel like you'd be intruding, you can rest assured that feeling will be your brain lying to you, because I explicitly stated always. Right?

Whatever channel you like is fine. Facebook, texting, hangouts, I can even add Skype to my computer's startup list. You name it.

I've known you for quite a long time, 'Luna'. We've had our ups and downs, and it's directly because of that history that I feel like you know me better then a lot of people. I value your friendship and presence, is what I'm saying, in whatever measure you choose to give me, and I invite more.
Click to expand...
It's funny because I have all but abandoned that name on every forum except one. I truly feel like Luna is someone completely different than who I am today, but I've never forgotten the history.

Thank you. I'm on Skype and Facebook everyday. We already have each others Skype's so if you're logged on I'll shoot you a message sometime. Hopefully for fun and not because I'm in one of these moods when I really don't want to talk to people because I feel like I'm going to be super lame or boring, lol.

Anyways I'll give you my Facebook too unless you already have it, which you just might. :p

Seriously guys, I really appreciate this. I have been so miserable this past week and I really needed this.
 
I just want to add my support as well, because I empathize greatly with that feeling and you're one of those people who's been supportive to me in the past. I'm very appreciative of your presence here and just wanted to put my name in the hat as well for people you can always talk to. It's one of those contradictory things, feeling alone, you resist the urge to reach out to avoid burdening people, even though those people are sitting on the other side of the screen, desperate to be "burdened" to relieve the same feeling of disconnect and loneliness. What the others have said about connection is true.
 
Ditto the above, sweetie. BB, Try, Quin.....they've all said it so very eloquently. We're here for you. Reach out to us. None of us mind like ever. XD I know I can sometimes seem scattered, stressed and even aloof at times. But rest assured. If I've called you friend, you ARE. And that means I care. So never think otherwise. You'd be amazed at how much I think about all of you. And it's all in a positive light. <333
 
I want to hug all of you. You guys are so amazing and have made my day!

Which is awesome because I was scared I wouldn't enjoy the day I get to move into my new apartment. I've been waiting for so long for this and I didn't want my depression to ruin it.

Thanks. <3
 
RIP Princess Pittooey for dying from the cause of lack of Zelda rps. Christ, who do I have to blow to get someone to play a good Ganondorf for me?

Can't say I've been feeling my best lately but that's what happens when you stop smoking. I have no choice since I need to find a new job, I haven't gotten any hours with my current one and it couldn't have happened at a worst time being that Fire Emblem comes out next week. Sigh.

Anyways, I checked in on my psuedo old site. Can't say I'm surprised at how dead it is despite people swearing up and down it would be better off without me. I'm too old to deal with children whining because they think they know how to run a website, so the new owners can have all that. Too bad, they were better off starting fresh instead of having an entire forum filled with dead threads and a userbase of 1000+ people who never log in.

Oh well, suppose people have to learn the hard way. I wasn't going to pay for a sinking ship.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom