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The Devil You Know: Inside the mind of BlisteredBlood

Friday Night,
August 5th, 2011


Folks, I'm in a good mood. Why? I am.

It seems as though my mom dodged a WICKEDLY huge bullet. Yes, she did have CHF and her blood sugar was blowing into the 800+ range and shit like that, but she got extremely lucky due to the fact that her potassium levels were holding at a normal range. That's something that I can thank God for keeping my mom safe for. Ugh. The candles I owe for that. I swear, I'm gonna be surrounded by more candles than all of La Salette Shrine by the time I'm done and I'm in my mid 50s.

She's still dealing with the residual damage whatever caused her to have it in the first place, but thankfully, nothing worse happened.

I'm also happy to announce that after four months, I've decided to take a break from commentating on YouTube, with the season finale video that I uploaded just recently. Not for nothing, but geez, does pointing out flaws and calling out bullshit when you smell it takes its toll on you.

With that, I'm now going to tackle some projects I was either wanting to do personally or was requested to do, including a Let's Play of Flashback: The Quest For Identity on the Sega Genesis.

Oh, the fun I'm gonna have when I get back~

Also, I've also been involved in a YouTube RP, something that was considered to be the first time I've ever done in all of my ten years of roleplaying! Go me for being inducted into it, huh? But yeah. You can find what I've been up to on my channel.

Here's the current character list as follows in this picture.

desktopscreencap.png


As you can see here children, yes, there are some canon characters including some OCs. In case you haven't noticed, Spawn there is being voiced by yours truly. I know I'm not Keith David, but I'll be damned if I don't sound like him through the use of Audacity. I also have another character involved in this, but I don't plan on using him just yet. You'll have to stay tuned in order to find out what goes on.

But yeah, Blue Mooners. I'm back and I'm here to stay.
 
Sunday Morning,
September 18th, 2011


Well folks, I know it's been some time since my last post, but unfortunately, this one comes with perhaps some bad news.

As of yesterday morning, my black-n-white longhaired cat Ooglie has recently died. As before, he will be buried possibly in the backyard or somewhere around where me and my brother can do it properly without having some dumbass neighbor's dog digging him up.

Furthermore, in light of some other unpleasant business coming up - I'd much rather avoid the details - I feel as though that a long term hiatus is in order. My return - though questionable at this point - is not indefinite. Suffice it to say, the same will also apply over to Elliquiy as well as soon as I send a PM over to one of the admins there informing them of my intended absence.

Well, that about wraps things up here. So with that, this is BlisteredBlood and I'll be seeing you guys some time down the road.
 
Wednesday Late Night,
October 26th, 2011


You know how the old saying goes when some people say, "Don't call it a comeback"? I feel the same logic applies here.

Now, you might be wondering as to what in the hell happened to me since I've been gone. Well, the answer to that question is quite a bit. For one thing, I've decided to take some time off of YouTube this time as the sort of infamous RED Medic commentator, and now, I decided to come on back to my old home of homes for a while and maybe get back into some RPs once more. Why, you ask? Well, let's look at it like this. When you've been stretched to your very limit, sometimes the best thing to do is to take some vay-kay time and relax before you just snap.

I suppose what also brought me back here is mainly because I felt there was a lot of loose ends that needed tying up, scenes that needed a conclusion, stories that need an ending and pretty much... Well... Let's say that the boredom bug can be hard to shake off. I mean come on, a lot of my games haven't really been doing much for entertainment these days, regardless if it's my ROM collection, the games I play on Steam, or whatever these days. Now that I mentioned this, I should probably update my signature to reflect this if you guys ever feel like bothering me there and play a few rounds on whichever game you got.

Well, that being said, I guess I might as well get comfy cozy and get back to what it is I'm good at.
 
*hugs you*
So glad you're back.... you're ALWAYS welcome back. Just like you're ALWAYS in our thoughts whenever you need a break or anything like that. But, anyway, so glad to hear that things are looking up once more (not counting the boredom thing, then we all go through boredom... >.<). I missed our 'resident psychotic'.
<333
 
Monday Early Morning,
October 31st, 2011


[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWaYUDtkwZg[/video]

I HAS DELIVAR'D. Some of you might have been there when I mentioned in either the chat or in PM's that I was planning on a Halloween video of my choosing, and this was what I decided to come up with. Enjoy!

So, what's on my mind tonight now that I'm here? Well, not much, I can admit. Well, aside from a few things that have been bothering me. For one thing, my brother and his girlfriend. For months, they've been planning on getting married at one point, only for the two to completely break it off when she asked him to come with her to Illinois and he said no, mainly because he felt he was still needed here with mom and me. As I've told mom, me and her will be just fine so long as we keep up with things, is all. But, I guess neither party is giving the other an inch. However, I guess I can see where my brother is coming from. Because if something happened to ma, I'm left all to myself and he won't turn to anyone else.

But on the flipside of all this, I know full well for a fact that RJ's being too goddamn much of a worrywart for nothing. Because if memory served me correctly when me and ma were out in Omaha three years ago, she and I kicked ass and took names when the both of us held down a job. Sure, there were times when she and I went to work, we didn't see each other until either of us got home first, but that's the thing. We did perfectly fine.

Though as of now, things ain't exactly looking so swell at the moment, so once again, I can see his point. However, the stresses he's bringing on himself is ripping the seams of his relationship with his girlfriend apart if he doesn't get a grip on himself.

Just to be perfectly clear on this, folks. I'm not a relationship expert, nor do I intend on this, but believe me when I tell you that his stubbornness is costing him big time and it's only a matter of time before he makes a major mistake he's not going to be able to apologize enough for or be able to take back.

But that's enough of the flip-flops. Besides, I'll be here all day if I kept going on about it.

So, now that it's Halloween, that means people are gonna be getting their costumes on, going out to go Trick Or Treating with the young'uns, going out to a Halloween Costume Party in their respective hometowns or just going out to a party in general. Well, make sure you all dress warm, especially since it snowed in some parts here in the United States. Some got rocked harder more than we got it here. At last check, Connecticut got slammed by nearly two feet of snow while we caught the brunt of it, getting at most two to two and a half inches of it. So yeah, you might wanna bundle up the kiddies before you head out Trick Or Treating with 'em, eh? Don't wanna see them get frostbite or what have you. Also, make sure you follow all the necessary precautions. And with that, I bid you all adieu and wish you all a safe and happy Halloween!
 
Friday Afternoon,
November 4th, 2011


[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnslrTTXQSA[/video]

You know people, I cannot understand how the human mind works sometimes. I can't even begin to grasp what sparks certain synapses that cause people to speak some of the most asinine garbage coming straight from their mouths. I dunno if some of you know this, but there is one certain individual on YouTube - all of whom I will not name here - that has been driving me and pretty much all known commentators on YouTube berserk over the past few months. The worst part of all this is the fact that while I commend him for the fact that he's decided to tone down his false-flagging spree and to take the criticisms I gave to him, he thinks he can dictate to anyone on there how they shouldn't criticize him for anything or to move their videos onto whatever other video hosting website. Something about this just aggravates me to no fucking end.

I issued a response to this person, stating very clearly that he did not - I'll repeat this again: DID FUCKING NOT - have any authority in telling me or any other person what they can or cannot do. It doesn't work that way, if you want my opinion on this. He is NOT my father. He is NOT my mother. He is nothing to me except for the excrement that I scrape off the heel of my shoe on the curb of the sidewalk. If he thinks he can push me or anyone else around, he's got another thing coming. I don't budge for anyone, be it animal, man, woman, infant or manchild. The only way you can get rid of me is if you ignored me and took what I said to you to heart and learn from your mistakes so that in some small way that you can better yourself in the future. Keep in mind, folks. I'm not a psychologist or do I have any training in this field, but I know full well for a fact that I can smell copious amounts of bullshit coming from miles away and can react accordingly.

For this, I can thank Seraph Nicholas for the conditioning and instilling it into my mindset. Wherever you are man, I hope that you're reading this so that way I can tell you how much I appreciate it.

But here's the thing that has gotten me so aggravated beyond comparison. He thinks that his own father has harassed him and bullied him when in reality, he hasn't done any videos on him - not commentaries, not OSCs, not rants, not a goddamn thing - in months. But for this lowbrow piece of puerile garbage stating this horseshit is something that I take offense to.

If you wanna know what it is I'm talking about, you can look at my response video to him and from there, you'll see that rambotweety1 - the father of said individual - has issued his son a final ultimatum. I won't speak of what he said, for this is something you have to see with your own eyes and listen very closely with your ears.

This is the only thing I'm going to say here and then I'll move on to something else.

I. Do NOT. Under ANY circumstances. Move for anyone. I don't move for any of those YouTube whores including RayWilliamJohnson, ShaneDawson, iJustine, SHAYTARDS or even someone as low on the totem pole as rambotweety1's son. He is not God. He is not the law. He is not even my parents. More importantly, I'm 26. I can do whatever the hell I feel like in accordance to the laws that are set. If I fuck up, hey. That's on me. I'm willing to accept whatever consequence comes my way. But if someone were to falsely indict me for something that I had nothing to do with, that is something that I refuse to take laying down. I will make my voice heard and I will take the proper actions necessary to ensure that no one has to suffer what I had to deal with. You may not like me for what I have to say to you, but at the end of the day, you WILL respect me, give me my goddamn space and leave me the fuck alone before I have to beat it into your fucking skull. Figuratively speaking, of course. Besides, I wish no ill will towards anyone or wish to inflict physical harm. That's the last thing I want to do. Sure as hell doesn't mean I'm not going to bash your for your god-awful diatribes, because I sure as hell am. You can count on that, ya Fruity Pebbles eatin' jag-bag jabroni yabba-dabba roody-poo candy-ass maggot infested bitch!

OK, now that I probably alienated everyone for channeling The Rock, I feel better now that I got that weight off of my shoulders. I apologize right now if I went off on a massive tangent, but the thing is, I can't stand certain kinds of people in this day and age. Of all the things I cannot stand is liars, thieves and people who lie about being a thief. I can't stand it.

*sigh* So, as for what else has been going on. All I can say is not much. Besides, it's been rather crazy these past few days, but you don't see me going anywhere anytime soon, do you? To quote the Engineer from Team Fortress 2...

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14[/video]

So yeah. I might as well end this entry here. Besides, I gotta get to posting in RPs before I slack off too much. Gotta entertain the masses somehow, right? Anyways, take care folks. I'll see you all next time.
 
Wednesday Evening,
November 9th, 2011


[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6ldvKn40sE[/video]

You know guys, I've seen everything there is to see in this day and age. I've done it all, heard it all and even got the t-shirt to prove it. And to be honest, I've grown tired of humanity as a whole. I've become so jaded that I refuse to believe the first word that comes out of their mouths unless if they have some sort of proof in triplicate, ironclad double-blind forms that they are being 100% honest with themselves. Then again, jaded isn't even fitting for how I feel as of this moment in time. No. You really know what I feel? Disenfranchised. Borderline misanthropic. Praying that some form of apocalypse occurs that sweeps out the stupid out to sea, dissolves their flesh or eats them alive and leaves the rest of humanity - fine, upstanding citizens that while they've done their dirt, they show some form of repentance - the fuck alone.

Sadly, I get the feeling that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. But hey, stranger things have indeed happened, y'know? But come to think of it, I think George Carlin - God rest his soul - said it best when he said, "You know what would be good for a guy like me? Just to be in a fucking coma!"

But then again, I wouldn't be much good to anyone still here (i.e., my current and/or potential future RP partners) amirite? *sigh* So much for wishful thinking. But still, I'm getting sick and tired of certain things. My dad who's now in a detox clinic from getting far too fucked up to even stand, his crack-whore of a girlfriend along with her two daughters who are also associated with my dad's relapse problem, double-crossing scumbags who would just as soon stick a knife in your back and leave you there to bleed out to death while they laugh it up all the way to the bank. I'm sick of 'em. Really and truly sick of 'em. But then again, I've said this all in the past, so this really ain't nothing new, so I'll spare the details and get straight to the point.

Apparently, the brother of our former landlord got a hold of a friend of ma's at her old place of work, demanding that she pay him what she owed him. Guys, I dunno what more to tell you, but this to me is a clear and blatant breach of the No Contact order that was put in place several months ago. It doesn't go away after we've moved out. The judged ordered no contact with each other for anything, anyone or for whatever reason whatsoever. NOTHING.

RRRRRRGH. Fuckin' hell on a pogo stick and a set of moon shoes, my god. *double facepalm*

But then again, tonight's rant is about to get a bit more vitriolic, so I apologize ahead of time, folks.

So about last night, we had to go bring my father over to Butler Hospital for the detox clinic. Long story short, we got him there, I signed him in and all that shit mainly because he was so far in the bag that he couldn't even stand up and walk in a straight line even if his life depended on it. We were there for about three hours' worth where during the whole time, I sat there in the chair across from my dad while he was zoning in and out of a drunken sleep, glaring at him with flames threatening to shoot out of my eyes and cold steel running in my veins.

That was when I realized after a discussion that the doctor that there was a program I could participate in called Adult Children Of Alcoholics or some crap like that. As soon as I heard this, I immediately jumped on it mainly because - yes - I have got a nearly decade old grudge I harbor because of my dad's drunken misconduct.

Yes, I said it. Nearly TEN FUCKING YEARS I've been away from my dad all because of him being so stupefied with booze, vodka, cheap shit, and all of the aggravation that drove us all apart in the first place. It began with my mom, continued over to my brother who as we speak has nothing to do with him and wants nothing from him, yet I still believe that there is something within that man of nearly 58 years old this coming December - keep this in mind folks - that still lingers within him. Even if I gotta go in there and pull him out by the short and curlies to do it.

Though, here's what I request to the psychiatrists - my mom got this message from me when I told her this about a few months ago - when I get there to go see him. I request the following. No, not request. This is a flat out demand.

I demand that they don't hold me back from what I want to say to him. Don't ask me to sugarcoat anything, because that's on par with telling a lie. Don't ask me to mince words. Don't ask me to lower my voice. Don't ask me to not scream at him. Don't - I repeat: DON'T - fucking tell me to calm down when I'm in a stark raving lunatic ranting rage. Don't restrain me. Don't even breathe in my general direction overall. Just. Don't.

And if they don't like it, then that my friends is too goddamn bad. They can either follow with my demands or they can take my dad and keep him in that clinic until he gets the meaning of what it is I want him to say. I want him to feel the way I did ten years ago. Isolated. Left in a box with no lights on, no oxygen, all alone in a dark room with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide and nothing but the shame he brought upon us all for 16 years of the time I was alive. I want him to suffer with the anger I want to spew at him like Grade-A, 100% pure Black Mamba venom. Yes, people. I am that fucking sick and tired of the shit my father has done to himself for years on end. Yes, I am going to be a prick of misery. Yes, I'm going to be cruel. Yes, I am going to be heartless. Yes, I may as well become Satan personified with the things I want to say to my father. And yes, I may as well come off as perhaps the most evil, black hearted, soulless, vicious, wicked, vile, twisted son of a bitch this side of the Chesapeake Bay. Telling me otherwise at this point in time? Bad news, buddy-boy. You're getting the same honorary punk-out as I'll give those doctors or anyone else who dares try to tell me to settle down. Fuck no. I've had it. I'm sick and tired of it all. Sick and tired of the fact that I've been forced to sit on my hands and grit my teeth as I watched - day and night at that - that man I've known as my father for nearly 30 years of my life drink himself into a muddled stupor. Sick of it all, I tell you! FUCKING SICK OF IT!

But now that I'm given an outlet as to where I properly dispense all that anger, rage and frustration, I think this will be a step in the right direction into my own personal road to redemption. Yes, I'll admit it. I've done my years of dirt too, but I'm just fortunate enough to know full well that I can man up to the mistakes I've made and can make myself into a better person for it later in my life. Besides, I can't keep going with the massive weight that's been forced upon my shoulders and be expected to carry it all the way to the end of the road. I just can't.

... *sigh*

Strangely, I feel better after letting it out here. But I know full well I can't let it go. Not just yet. Besides, I gotta hold it in for just a little longer up until I get called into that meeting. That's when I'll really let him have it. It might make me a prick, but then again, what would have done? Just let it go at the drop of a hat and walk away? No. Chances are, you're probably just like me, wanting to stash as much of your frustration away as possible and lay in wait for the right time; the right opportunity, even to let it all out and keep going and going until you got blood pouring from your eyes, sweat rolling down your forehead, your veins pulsating out from your neck and your jaw aches, but even then you'd still keep going without stopping, without hesitation, without relent, without mercy and without a conscience, if it really pissed you off. If it hurts, then goddammit, scream. If it makes you cry, then do it. If it makes you feel guilty afterward, then stop right there. Don't feel any guilt. Be numb. Steel yourself. Tell yourself that you're doing it all for the right purpose and JUST FUCKING DO IT. Don't puss out. Don't be a fucking wimp. Don't stop until you've finally driven it into their mile-thick skulls that you are NOT going to take it anymore and never, ever, EVER again. Not from no one, not from nothing. Let 'em hear your anguish. Let 'em hear you roar like a monster summoned from the fiery pits of hell and let them know just how much they've made you feel. Take no prisoners. Call them on their bullshit. Be a sadistic prick. Be whatever form you want to be and hold it there for as long as you can. Once you're done, you can let it go nice and easily before you're completely consumed. Ask Anakin Skywalker in Episode III. He'll tell you.

Hopefully, this lengthy post will give you some insight as to how I feel as of tonight. As I said before, I'm not a psychiatrist, but goddammit, I know when I've had enough. Or at least I think I know my own mind enough to figure that out.

Again, I apologize if this ranting and raving entry might have gotten out of hand, but I would like to state this. I do this for the betterment of my own sanity. Afterwards, I close it up and never look at it again unless if I want to make a personal reflection and how far I've come over the course of my life. Long story short, if I seemed to have scared people off, then I apologize for that. If it got people interested in wanting to talk to me about it, then that's their right. Let them talk to me about it. I'm not going to hold it against them if they choose to do so or not. As far as I know, my life has been pretty much an open book from start, checkpoint A, checkpoint B, checkpoint C, all the way to the finish. I only ask that you don't be too harsh on those that wish to talk to me.

*sigh* I guess that wraps things up for tonight. Hopefully this post or the song of the now doesn't scare people off. It's just been pretty difficult over the past few days and I needed something to release some of the pressure buildup, y'know? Anyways, this is BlisteredBlood signing out until next time.
 
Tuesday Early Morning,
November 15th, 2011


You know, last early morning got off to a pretty spooky start for me, especially with the fact that my mom had to go and get a sinus infection from the dust the cat litter gave off. I can probably understand why, but I guess that's what happens when she has those kinds of problems. I guess from here on in when I gotta douche the catbox, I gotta take it outside with me and just do the whole thing from there without the dust troubling her so much. On top of all that, she also had a wicked migraine that probably set it off. She's doing OK now, but I still feel as though I gotta keep my eyes on her.

Anyways, what else is new? Aside from the fact that after being so bored after cleaning up around here, I figured I'd take a walk out to the Super Stop 'n Shop down the street to check up on her while she was out with my brother's girlfriend there, so I did that, nothing new.

After that, I came home, got on Skype and bullshitted with a few people, listened to a Blogtalk radio program and shit like that. After that, I helped out with my brother after he brought home his own 42" Viore HDTV while he passed that 27" JVC that was mine over to his girlfriend's son. Didn't really care for that much, but ehh. It gives the kid something more to do for now. Only rule I gave him is to take care of the thing or else I'll know.

After that, I managed to scope out the new TV with my brother, putting on the 1978 cult classic, Heavy Metal after configuring it to run from the PC he has. Of course, it caused his PC to lag a few times. Must've been a clocking issue or some shit like that. I dunno. I'm not a total tech wizard.

But yeah. Yesterday was actually a reasonable/boring day. I dunno, maybe I just have a thing for chaos, whether I'm in the middle of it or if I'm observing as a spectator. Maybe I guess I was given a little bit of a break from it today. Who knows?

Anyways, as I found out on my YouTube channel, it turned out that I had done the impossible when I saw that someone named BeetleTheGreen was found to be my 200th subscriber. I dunno how, what or why people from all across the world come to see my stuff when all I am is just another one of those guys who makes decent looking intros, talk shit on bad videos and even crack a few jokes along the way. I mean, I know that the Subscribers counter is just an arbitrary number and doesn't measure anything or has any meaning, but I'll be damned if I'm led to believe that you shouldn't give something back to the fans and do something nice for them in return. After all, you worked hard on the shit you do, so why not, huh? So, I figured a reboot of the Q&A session I had going since August would suffice until I can come up with something else to thank them all with.

It's all just weird how I began on there, though. I started out as a no-named person, but then after something caught my attention in April, I guess I got hooked onto the rush of being able to speak my mind on someone without a restriction. I still can't understand it even today. I guess I'll have to continue to analyze the pulse of my subbies and see what I can find out. I guess someone said it best that the Medic character I have for my avatar there suited me a lot more than the previous one I had when I'm wanting to study and learn about everything before I make my move. And when I do, I go in for the kill, even if I do run the risk of reprisal. Well, I guess that's life of a commentator for you. Sometimes you have to be a mixture of being a charismatic, sadistic, sarcastic, comedic, uncaring, informative and overall entertaining prick in order to get far these days or so I've heard it said. Once you're done at the end of the day, you can post up your video and let everyone take in what you've created and do one of the following: Analyze the responses, make another video doing whatever or otherwise call it a day and start chatting with folks.

I still don't know why, but I still feel as though I'm learning everything I see from these other folks. I could go into in greatly gory detail on it, but that would take about another post and a half to convey all of my thoughts into one whole thing. Something that I think Vekseid wouldn't appreciate on the bandwidth end of the spectrum, anyway.

Regardless of which, I think I might as well call this a day and be done with it for now. Besides, the sun's coming up soon and I wouldn't want to be late for the midday matinee I gotta do for the now 200 subscribers I have. Well, you know the old saying, folks. There isn't any rest for the wicked. Take care, guys.
 
Sunday Afternoon,
November 20th, 2011


[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eih67rlGNhU[/video]

Rather odd how old songs like this can convey the mood in this day and age. From the Bing Crosbies, the Nat King Coles, the B.B. Kings and so on and so forth. It's because of their iconic chops that it landed them in their respective places in the world, mainly because people could see talent brewing within them. They could see something in them that could also at the same time make the record companies a real nice chunk of change too, so that the artists can go out and live their lavish lifestyles, buy fancy cars, big fancier summer homes out in Monaco, Malaysia, and all that jazz right on up to a nice looking 40' schooner to go sailing all around the Philippine Islands.

You know, I don't envy those people. However, those folks are proud, happy people that have really nice lives... And yet, they have no idea what's it like to be broke as fuck.

Needless to say folks, I can't really say at this point if this is how it might end here. We spent a whole summer and the better part of fall here at this really nice place we got here, but unfortunately, it seems as though we might lose it all come Wednesday when we get tossed out onto the streets. And yet, I still blame myself for not being able to do anything about this save for gritting my teeth in anger once more.

But no. Despite the many things that are wrong at the moment, I'm trying my absolute hardest to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but with so much encroach blackness surrounding me, it's just getting harder and harder to find that little speck of hope. That little something that tells me everything will be just fine and dandy.

But somewhere, within the back of my mind, I just know full well for a fact that I'm just lying to myself to make me feel better. I know full well that the whole world is going to hell in a handbag and Satan himself is probably the one who's heading back home, bitching to his wife about the amount of torturing he had to do today, you know. Shit that men like us would normally do.

And well, I may be right. Then again, I'm hoping that I may be wrong. I'm hoping that everything that somewhere out there, some mystical being out there will show his tender mercies on us for just this once so that way we can get everything straightened out and move forward from there on in.

Why do I say this, guys and girls? Reason is because we may be getting tossed out onto the street this coming Wednesday. We've exhausted all of our options. United Way can't help. There's no charities around that'll lend a hand. Everyone in our family hardly seems to care about it.

So that's it, if you were to ask me. That's all there is to it? There's nothing that you can do? Unfortunately, I have to say yes unless if something happens tomorrow, in which case I still say that something has got to give. I for one, am not giving up what we've all put into for the past couple of months and see it all go down in flames. Main thing of it is, it's not looking too good at the moment, so for now, I'm trying my hardest to keep my spirits up along with my mom's. God knows she'll need it. Take care, folks.
 
Thursday Afternoon,
December 1st, 2011


Happy 58th birthday, dad. I can only hope it's as enjoyable as it can be.

Well, I guess it's been some time since I last posted here, so I might as well say what's been going on in my head. So, we managed to pay the rent and stave off getting tossed out, but I still wonder if what ma's been giving him has been enough. But at the same time, I'm also saying to myself to stop worrying about it and just put your trust in her for now. Just until you can get into a working position yourself and from there, you can throw whatever kind of a paycheck you get at her. You did it before years ago and the both of you working made things so much better for when it was just the two of you and nothing more.

Of course, when I think about it now, me and ma were kicking ass and taking names. I mean we pretty much alternated on paydays every other week! We were in the green pretty much every single month! But well, certain things happened to where my littlest cousin coming down with leukemia made the decision to go back home in Rhode Island more important. And well, we've done that now. We've seen little Gavin eventually go into remission of the disease he had suffered from for a quite a while and that little guy returned to form in perhaps the most spectacular of ways.

Now that that has been dealt with, I need to return to form myself. I need to get back into the workforce and do what I need to do to help out. It can't be just one person bringing home a paycheck. Besides, the rent's pretty pricey, but I think with more of us working here, then I think we should be good.

Consider this to be my own personal resolution for New Year's. I need to get back to work and hold that job for at least longer than six months. It might take some time, but I think my patience has been worn thin here. Only then will I feel better about myself.
 
Monday Morning,
December 12th, 2011


Well, folks. It appears as though your Resident Psychotic has been rather busy these past few weeks and with good reason. For the most part, I've been busy cranking out videos for the ever slowly growing fanbase I have going on YouTube involving commentaries, playthroughs and all sorts of announcements to date. Can you really blame me, though? I mean with the current wave of idiocy I have to deal with on a nearly constant basis, it's almost amazing that I've been able to remain as sane as I can be without going completely off of the deep end and then start burying people left and right. So what does a guy like me do to unwind from the grind of smashing dumb people over the head with the Brick Of Logic? Well, I figure hopping onto Skype and talk about something else aside from those idiots. It works on occasion. The recent game I got as a gift from a friend of mine on YouTube in Left 4 Dead 2 also helps out as well. I mean really. Who would've thought that killin' zombies in droves works so well?

But seriously. Yesterday was a high productivity/high workload day for me that I still gotta manage to plow through hopefully before Christmas and New Year's Eve. By this, I mean the rest of the playthroughs of two games in both Sonic 2 and Golden Axe, a co-op commentary with another good buddy of mine, a group LP over a game, the list goes on. Well, you know the old saying, folks. There's never any rest for the wicked and boy-howdy, how do I wish for a brief reprieve after everything is all said and done. I mean come on, how am I supposed to be all go-go-go? I can only remain awake for so long before I finally have to relax on a bed, on the couch or wherever else I can lay my head down on?

I dunno. I think I may consider giving myself a nice little hiatus from there for about a week or so after I clear out my workload. Just enough to juice up my batteries and once I do, it'll be like I just came back from Miami. Sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going away from here, though. That much I can tell you all flat-out right here and now. Besides, this has and always will be my home away from home.

Though over the course of this, my left arm has been bothering me to no end. When I talked to my mom about this, she told me it was either Tennis Elbow or Tendinitis. Main thing is folks, it's been driving me berserk for some time now and my god, I'm getting to a point where I'm thinking about grabbing a knife and just cut my left arm off at the shoulder. Some how, anyway. Either way, I know I gotta get it checked out at some point before my arm is rendered completely useless. i just hope they don't do any surgery on it. I'd much rather skip going under the knife at this point.

Still. Great. Add that to the ever growing list of shit I need to have checked out.

Anyways, I think I might consider trying to relax for a few. I'll bore you all with another story sometime later.
 
Sunday Afternoon,
January 1st, 2012


First off, I would like to take this time out to reiterate my previous statement when I was here with you guys last year. Never let the glamour of the celebrities who were there at Times Square get to you. New Year's Rockin' Eve's lineup was just overstuffed with far too many stuffed shirt musicians I could care about except for one, and goddammit, I hate the fact that Justin Beiber of all people decided to team with him to advance his own career. Who am I talking about? The legendary Carlos Santana, the man who made his axe sound more boss than anything else in this world.

Oh well. Not that it'll matter anymore. But like I said before, folks. These things celebrities tell you? Don't listen. It's absolute hogwash. Remember the principle about New Year's Eve: That it should be all about letting go of one year and bringing in the new one with open arms, open hearts and just let the moment of the pomp and circumstance of the event stay with you throughout all your days on his earth.

Anyways, I guess that should wrap things up for this edition. Hopefully you guys had a safe and a Happy New Year out there.
 
Saturday Morning,
January 7th, 2012


You know folks, I'd never thought I'd be saying this on a place like this. But you know what I found out through my mother as of last night? It turns out that on April 20th of this year, it turns out that my brother is finally tying the knot with his girlfriend of three years. Now, since she has a five-year-old son, that would in turn make me into an uncle.

Imagine that. Me. An uncle. And at age 27 once the 19th of that month hits. I still couldn't get over it when I heard it straight from my mom - who will in turn be a memere to the little guy. Of course, when I keep thinking about it, the more it puts a smile on my face knowing that one of her wishes came true. But of course, there was something after that which I found interesting. Depending on what happens afterward, ma was thinking about moving back out to Nebraska or go to where RJ and Ashley are out in Illinois. Supposedly from what I remember, it was cheaper to live out in the midwest of the US. That much, I cannot argue with.

Of course, there's been something else that's also been going on as well. A few days ago, ma and I got into another conversation and of course, she brought up the idea to go up to Vermont or New Hampshire for a few days and just take in the sights. Of course, with it all being hills, mountains and other such steep inclines, it might be risky for a guy like me, but if you've all known me as much as I know my own self, you would know that I'm all about taking risks, take chances and never regret what I said or did, regardless of whatever form of media I was in. Of course, another suggestion I tossed out to her once was that I was also thinking about heading up towards Boston to go see the Science Museum, catch a Celtics' basketball game, a Patriots' football game - which she rightly gagged at - or as even she mentioned it, check out Salem. You know, where they had the whole witch hunt thing and shit like that?

Now of course, that was only one of the suggestions I tossed at her. Another one I mentioned to her was the fact that out of all the places I have been to here and there, one of those places was Block Island just off of Cape Cod. The furthest I've been to that was heading towards the ocean was none other than Galilee. I remember mentioning this in my last entry that I had finally gotten to see it after so many years that have just passed me by. And I apologize if I seem like I'm gonna gush about this, but I feel as though I have to.

Imagine if you will, that you're in a dream, one that just never ended. Imagine that you were my age - never thought I'd be saying that - ten years ago, walking with your parents down by the beaches and not too far from you was a clam shack named George's, known so well to the locals there due to the fact that that place is famous for its clam cakes and their clam chowder. White, mind you.

You with me so far? Alright. Let's continue. Now, imagine if your parents were walking with you still, for the whole day, you looked out into the ocean and thought to yourself, this was one place that I never want to leave from. It's so pristine, so quiet, people got along great with each other and more to the point, it was at a point in your life before reality decided to rip that innocence right out of you due to some incident involving your father and his alcohol habits. For the entire day, you could just let loose from all of those pent up frustrations and anger and just be able to relax for ones. In one of your hands was an old Walkman and in the tape deck was a copy of a Blues Brothers live concert and the first song you heard was Green Onions.

Yes. It was just sublime to see all of that for me a little more than ten years ago for me. And when I got the chance to see it all again for the first time in that amount of time - sure it was at night and it was in the late summer - but being near that familiar smell of salt water was just so familiar for me. It was like reliving an old memory that I forgot about so long ago, in an era that I had long since left behind. When I got there, just seeing it all there nearly brought me to tears. Why was this? I remembered walking on one of those beaches with both my parents and my brother. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that when I was there. I only got to sit in the car with my mother and just look at the ships going by outside of that clam shack. But still, it was a memory that I would forever cherish until my dying days. But the fact remained the same. I couldn't get those ten years of my life back mainly because of a variety of reasons. Reasons I'd rather not state due to the fact that I've probably bored you all to death with the details, so I'll spare 'em for now and just get to another topic.

Still, it never ceases to amaze me sometimes whenever I think so far back to the time when I was a teenager and remember them for what they were. Perhaps the best times of my life. Sure, there was some rather shitty moments. And perhaps, I'll admit this right now. I brought it on myself. However, at the same time, I also know full well for a fact that I was in the right and that I shouldn't feel guilty about it. It's that thinking that's molded me into the way I am as of today.

Ehh. I think I might as well call this one a wrap for now. I'll bore you all with another one of these long diatribes of mine some time before the alleged apocalypse. See you all next time.
 
Saturday Late Night,
January 8th, 2012


You know, something just caught my eye a few minutes ago after I got out of a single player campaign of L4D2. Tomorrow's my third year being here.

Heh. Three years. Then again, it's actually been about four years since I've been with this site overall, when you take into account that I've been here since I came onto the V1 version back in August of 2008. And you know what? I have no regrets. Sure, my summer might have been fucked when I had to go and break my second left toe in that pool back in Omaha, but like I said. I've enjoyed my time here.

When I look back on all the things I've done during that time, I think nothing but good things. Sure, there's been some growing pains along the way, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm glad I could be a part of it all from the beginning to right where it is now. And now, I can just kick back and watch this site progress onward as it always should. I don't know what more can be done now, but man, I can only see good things for this place.

As for tonight. Well, my cousins are here. They're across the hallway sitting with their aunt watching some movies and laughing it up. And me? I'm in here sharing my thoughts with the rest of you guys, despite the fact that I'm in a bit of a shitty mood. Why? Well, you already know about the stories regarding my dad, but hell with it. I'm not even in the mood to talk about him and his drunken antics he decides to do.

But you know, lemme give you all the Sparknote version of the story before I head out for tonight. I made another video, chatted with a few people on Skype - despite the fact that one person was just annoying the shit outta me with meaningless drama I have no further interest in - then after that, I got onto Steam and decided to vent out some of my frustrations in a few levels of Left 4 Dead 2. For some reason, cranking up some tunes while splattering zombie heads feels strangely good to me. Granted, it was on Easy mode, but I wasn't up for anything else.

Well, that's another day in the books. Take care, everyone.
 
*hugs BB*
My 2 year anniversary with this place is coming up and I'm astounded at that... I can't believe your 3 (or 4 depending on how you look at it) is now here! Just crazy! And awesome! Also, I'm so glad you're around this place (even with the mini hiatuses interspersed here and there and you'll know I'll always welcome you back with open arms, hugs and smiles... why? Because you deserve them, of course!). You're definitely one of my fave members and a great person. Just thought I'd fill you in on that little tidbit, heee! But yeah, I'm glad you still love the place, just like I do as well. I hope it stays on the path it's been on and only grows better and better as time continues to march on. I'm glad you have faith in it that it will. <33333
 
Monday Evening,
February 6th, 2012


You know folks, I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I am just getting older and older with each and every passing day, especially when you take into account that my knees are going by the wayside nowadays. Getting up a flight of stairs most times requires me to step down with both feet on the same step while grabbing a tight hold on the rail and lean towards that rail. Don't ask me why I do this, for one of my primary concerns as of now is if my left knee completely craps out on me. I wonder. I know for a fact that Old Uncle Arthur (aka arthritis) runs in our family, at my age?

One thing for certain. I gotta get these old bones of mine checked because I'm hurtin' for certain. Corny as it may sound, but believe me on this one. I wouldn't be of much use to anyone if I'm stuck with crutches or in a wheelchair.

This might seem a bit short, but there ya have it. See ya next time.
 
Friday Afternoon,
March 16th, 2012


Holy shit. Where have I been all this time? Between doing stuff on YouTube, playing games on Steam (which my account is currently down for the time being) and pretty much all sort of craziness going on, it amazes me that I haven't just snapped yet. But regardless of which, I'm home again. I just wish sometimes that I can just have that time to myself on here for more than five minutes without having some rabid fan coming up to me on Skype and blabbing my ears off about stuff. Nine times out of ten, I'm half wanting to say to myself, "Goddammit! I just wanted to talk with folks and maybe even talk shop for a little bit before I go out on break! Can you leave me alone for about five minutes or at the very least, can you kindly get to the point already?!" Believe this or not, a couple of certain folks have done this.

I dunno. I find myself getting spread out too far these days. But, I'm kinda happy to back home once more. My REAL home, anyways.

Let's see... My request thread needs some major updating. Need to get replies from people I'm either RPing with or need to reply to them since I've left them in a bit of a lurch. Ugh. Never a dull moment in my lifetime, huh? XD
 
Well, as I outlined in the entry, it's been pretty crazy for a while. But at least now I've been given some time to relax and possibly even think.
 
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