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Old ways in a new world II (Wolvenrogue and Nightsorceress)

Eliana looked at him "I was panic I didn't totally loose my mind, I wouldn't have done anything that would permanently take the choice away from us" did he really think she had lost it that much
 
"Eliana! I didn't think you had lost her mind. I just don't know much about birth control. I never even considered it a possibility. It hurts that you thought you couldn't talk to me about it first. I'd have found another way. Don't you know you are more important than children. Please stop taking the chemicals. We can wait to have children the old fashioned way. I love you." He held her close as tears ran down his cheeks.
 
Eliana looked down a little and then back to him. "Who knows how long it will be before I am ready to have children before we are ready for children. The birth control does not do any damage in fact in some ways it helps me. Don't worry about me taking it."
 
Josh didn't trust the chemicals. "It makes me nervous Eliana. What if you are wrong?" He hugged her. I just don't want to see you hurt. How would you feel if it was hurting you? What if you can't have children afterward??"
 
"Trust me when I went to the doctors I covered all that with them, but if it makes you feel better I can make an appointment and we can go together and talk about it. But to be honest I am not afraid at all of what I am taking women have been taking it for years"
 
He had a hard time suppressing his worries, but for now he let it go. "I guess I wiill just have to trust it will be ok. Are we going to have any honeymoon at all? " he was begining to wonder what their life together woud be like. He had thought he knew, but now he was not at all sure.
 
Eliana hadn't thought about a honeymoon "hmm well I mean we met we fell in love and got married so quickly a honeymoon totally escaped my mind, but we can certainly go on one. I will start looking up ideas first thing tomorrow if you like."
 
Josh was dissapointed. What did she think marriage was about? "You weren't looking forward to our life together?" he got up and wentoutside and sat non the porch, his head in his hands.
 
Eliana didn't know what to say anymore everything she said just seemed make it worse. She was at a loss. She didn't want to go out there and make it wrose so she just walked out of the bedroom and downstairs giving him some space.
 
Josh held his head in his hands. As he sat there it seemed his entire world was disintegrating. Certainly his marriage was, and it had barely started. Everything he had ever learned about it , everything he had been conditioned to expect was being turned on its head. Still, he loved Eliana, and was not about to allow this to happen. Hee came downsatirs and seeing her standing in the kitchen, walked quietly up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist , holding her firmly in place. "This is not going to end this way." he wispered in her ear. His voice was calm, and firm. Resolved, steady , and sure. It represented everything he had ever been taught, ever knew about being male. The good kind of male, the male of the old ways. " I love you, and nothing that you or anyone else may say or do can change that."
 
Eliana made her way down to the kitchen giving Josh some space. She thought about making some tea but instead she just stood frozen in front of the stove. So many thoughts raced through he mind. Her marriage was already falling a part a tear rolled down her cheek as she suddenly felt his arms around. She listen as he spoke and then slowly shook her head. "How can something end that hasn't even started. I finally realized we were foolish to get married so quickly that we got married because of lust and not love." She turned around slowly "think about it, everything was fine when it was just about sex, now though everything is a mess because we started talking about more than just sex. These things should have been talked about before we were married."
 
"The issue isn't sex. " He was trying hard to remain calm. " Sex is just the symptom. It is the thing that brought it to a head. It is an important part of being married. The issue is that you would make a decison about it without trusting me enough to talk about it first. But even that doesn't matter. Sex or no sex, communication or not, I love you. I LOVE YOU.. and nothing. Do you hear me? NOTHING will change that. I'm not leaving, I'm not running away, I'm not giving up. It might have been better discussed before, but that can no longer be helped. We have the rest of our lives to discuss it. I.... LOVE....YOU. Do you love me?" He didn't let go he held her gently in his arms.
 
Eliana sighed "my choice do take birth control was not because I didn't trust you..." She trailed off she knew he would never understand and nothing she said was going to change that. Even though it was big reason for the problem right now he felt she had wronged him. "I do love you but a marriage needs more than love and sex to work" she signed a bit she didn't know else to say or do. Part of her wanted to scream part of her wanted to cry part of her wanted to go back into and choose a different cafe, and part of wanted to kiss him and never let go of him.
 
"Oh please! try and understand. Keep taking birthcontrol if you want to. Children can come later, you have said so, and I believe you. Maybe you don't want them at all. I won't lie to you and say that I would not be dissapointed, but I didn't marry you to have babies. I married you because for what ever it might bring, good, or bad, happy or sad, I want to live my life with you. I want to know that you believe and trust me when I say that." If we care enough about each other, we can make that happen. It is your lifeand your choice now. I have made mine. I'm not walking away. You will have to stay or go , love or leave. It's up to you. Don't expect me to give up. "
 
Eliana listen to what he said she bit her lip a moment and slowly broke free of him. She paced a bit clearly thinking. She had her back to him as she finally stopped her pacing "I think you said what I want. I want to live life with you, a real life, not a pack life, not a life because of what we are. I want a chance to just love you." She bit her lip again even though he couldn't see it "I am not sure if this making any sense, I know you were upset that I didn't think about a honeymoon, but it wasn't because I didn't love you, I was just excited to start making moments, little moments you know."
 
"Then don't run away. Start to build those little moments, and don't be afraid to feel or afraid to tell me what you feel. I am willling to live what ever life we can live together, but I can't do it alone, and you are right, I don't understand, but not understanding is is not rejecting. I don't really know what you want, so its more important than ever that you tell me. That you tell me and trust me to accept ypu as you are , and that you accept me as am. Flawed or traditional, however you might see me. You need acceptance and so do I."

"I love you and yes its not everything, but because of it I can accept anything. Can you?"
 
Eliana listen as he spoke. He seemed so sure of everything. That love old get them through anything. She was not sure about anything really accept she did love him. She slowly turned around and looked at him. "I do love you Josh. If I didn't love you and want to work I would not have married you. I want this to work." She sighed a little and leaned against the counter looking down at her feet.
 
He lifted her chin with a long finger, and looked her in the eyes. "Alright then, where do you want to go from here? I said that was all that mattered and I am a man of my word. We have two weeks while you are off work to spend together. What do you want to do?" What can we do tthat will help us the most? It will probably be months or a year before we have 2 weeks off at the same time again. " He became silent and waited patiently for her answer.
 
As her brought a her chin up she slowly looked at him. Her eyes locked on his. "I am not sure, I didnt know I was going to have this time off so I never had to think about." She paused a moment and she tried to think of something, of anything, but after what just happen her mind felt a bit fuzzy and unsure. "Umm I don't know what did you have in mind?"
 
What if we fly to California, and then take a boat to Catalina Island. Its a beautiful place and we can swim any time we want! We can also let you shop fashions on fashion island in Newport Beach. He looked at her hopefully, and wondered if she was adventurous enough?
 
"I think you will be surprised. Its as far away from Clan culture as you can get. We can relax on the beach, drink wine, and enjoy an art festival!" You want to get away from clan culture?" He smiled at her. It will be all new!
 
Eliana thought about it a moment. She had never been there so it certainly would be a new adventure for her. Plus it did sound romantic, but it also sounded like they could have some fun to exploring. "You know you will be sorry that you said we can should and I can look at fashion." She laughed "alright let's do it"
 
Josh smiled, he was happy to see Eliana coming up out of the dumps. "I might be sorry, but out there it can be fun. The changing rooms have sofa's and tv's with sports channel for the guys, and at some they even serve beer! However, I plan on ogling my lovely wife!" He was teasing her, but he meant it in good fun, and he really did enjoy watching her change clothes. "I might even take pictures for my private collection."
 
"We will see" she gave him a a cute smile. She then put her hand on forehead thinking a moment. "Well this all a great plan but are we sure we are going to get tickets for a plane and a hotel and everything on such short notice" Eliana was diffently a planner she hated leaving anything to chance. Everything she did she tried to be well organized and planned.
 
'Well this much I know, If we don't decide to go , we aren't going. So now that we have decided, If you need a plan, go make it. You have a computer, or you can go to a travel agent. Its up to you. I would just go to the airport but that is me. It's ok that your different than me. So go make a plan. I'll go along for the ride."
 
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