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A Questionable Excuse

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Julian had actually been a little regretful that Connor let go of his hand. But it seemed that the other boy made up for it in the questions he asked. Questions that Julian really hadn't thought about a lot. When was the last time someone had asked him his favorite color? When had he even given his favorite color consideration? The boy laughed and played along, actually enjoying this time. It was peaceful and enjoyable, and Connor didn't remind him anything of Dylan.

Which was a thankful excuse to forget for the moment. But when Connor brought it up he almost went pale. "Oh..." He laughed softly. "I-" But he couldn't think of an excuse. There was nothing in his mind that would help him in this occassion. "I- I don't know." He answered, looking around at the houses. Connor must have been rich, because these houses were gorgeous. Julian had never even been into a neighborhood this nice before.
 
Connor was rich; very rich. Some could go so far as to call his family filthy rich. It didn’t matter of course, money was just a number and who was counting? He looked over to gauge Julian’s reaction to the neiborhood. And upon seeing it, he fought the urge to apologize; for being a spoiled rich kid who didn’t know how living like a normal human was like.

However, Julian’s other reaction had him more concerned. “How could you not know?” He asked, “That must hu-” They got to his house, a large white estate with extravagant garden decor, and he dropped it. If Julian didn’t want him to know, he probably had a decent reason. “Well, we’re here,” he said with a smile, taking the other boy’s hand again and pulling him towards the door.
 
Julian completely forgot that Connor brought the bruise up. He was so entranced by what was around him. Now he hadn't lived in a terrible neighborhood, but it hadn't been this great either. This beautiful. He took a second to take everything in, then looked back to Connor with a genuine smile. Damn. He hadn't been in a place this beautiful in... Ever.

The boy frowned a little when the bruise was brought up again, but quickly let the subject drop when they walked up to the front. He squeezed Connor's hand and kept glancing around, his green eyes wide and trying to take in everything he could. "I never knew you lived... Here." He murmured, finally following the other.
 
Connor looked down, his face reddened. “I.. yea, it’s nice. I keep telling them it’s way too much, but…” He trailed off, referring to the pristine condition of his yard, the three story house in front of them, the fact that not a single inch of paint was chipped or marred in anyway, and the fact that everything was just completely perfect. It was honestly kind of embarrassing to have everyone know that he was rich.

He opened the door to show a slightly less extravagant hallway with the living room on their left and a spiral staircase a bit down the hallway to their right. “I think my dad’s home, but he really won’t care that you’re here. My mom though,” He grinned and led Julian towards the stairs, “She’ll just love you when she gets home later.”
 
Julian kept looking around wide-eyed. This was extravagant. Did Connor know? He squeezed the other's hand and tilted his head to the side as they walked. It ws cute, innocent almost the way he went about it. So much excitement and wonder in his eyes. He had never been to a house so nice in his entire life, and definitely not with someone as nice as Connor. "It's not though..." He looked back to the other boy, his eyes kind and understanding.

"It's beautiful." He murmured and smiled to Connor. "It helps that you're nice too, of course. This would all be wasted if you weren't." He paused at the statement of Connor's mom, a little blush lighting up on his face. Well.... "Oh." He laughed and shook his head. "I mean..." He didn't know what to say. "Where's your room?"
 
“I’m really not that nice,” Connor replied sheepishly. He looked over at Julian again and grinned, letting go of his hand to take hold of the railing. It wasn’t that he needed to use it; just that it had become a formality after years of being chastised for unsafe behavior. “My room’s right up here.” Walking halfway up the stairs, he stopped and waited for the other boy before he climbed up the rest of the way. Another hallway with unmarked doors was in front of them, and at the end, past a door just like the rest, was Connor’s room.

It was a nice room, nothing too showy, but nothing shabby either. It was really just like any other teenage boy’s room; a single bed, a dresser, walls that could really use re-painting. His parents had always insisted on fixing it up, but he’d fought to keep the one thing that made him normal. Hell, he’d refused to even get a better television then the one in the corner with a missing volume button. “And here, is where I choose to spend my entire life,” he joked, gesturing dramatically towards the room.
 
Julian's eyes wandered aimlessly. He didn't know what to focus on more, Connor's house or the boy in front of him. Why had he never noticed before? Connor was so kind, and he came from this background. It was surprising to say the least. He stepped gently up the stairs, afraid of the bruise on his leg running up against his jeans. Luckily they were tight enough that it didn't cause any real problem. The boy swallowed and followed Connor into his room.

"It's nice!" Julian replied, moving his hand over to squeeze his friend's fingers. It was a reassuring gesture, showing that Julian really did appreciate that deep down, despite his money, Connor was a normal person just like Julian. Not that Julian was normal. "It's nice just like you." He chimed cheesily, laughing softly at his own joke as he sat on the bed. "You bring many boys back to your room, or am I the first?" He laughed and patted the bed next to him.
 
Connor wasn’t nice because of one specific event in his life. He’d never had an epiphany about how he should be kind; he’d never had anyone teach him right from one in one isolated moment. He really didn’t even understand why people thought he’d be different. His family had just always had the mindset that they were ordinary people who happened to have good jobs. It was really nice that Julian seemed to understand that.

He sat down on the bed next to Julian and laughed, pretending to think for a minute. “Well you’re definitely not the first,” he quipped, “but you’re definitely the best.” The comment that the other had made about being ugly still bothered him. And above all it still confused him. He placed his hand on Julian’s for a moment before pulling it away. “So, can I get you anything before we start studying?”
 
Julian was lucky to be in the company of such a person. Perhaps Connor would help change him for the better. Raise his self esteem. Would this even help, or was he past the point of being saved? Julian liked to think of himself that way. Over a year of conditioning with Dylan and a lifetime with himself had taught him that he was not worth it, and no one could change that. However some small part of him, deep inside believed that maybe someday someone would. Maybe Connor would be the person to reach inside of him and pull that out.

"Oh." Julian looked a little surprised at first, then smiled shyly at Connor. "Oh, well..." He laughed and actually blushed when the other moved his hand to place it on his. He hadn't blushed in the longest time. Dylan was always so straightforward and direct with his advances, it left little time for affection and blushes. "I'm okay..." He answered as he shifted a little, getting more comfortable on the bed. "Let's get to this."
 
Honestly, Connor wasn’t a deep person. He’d always wanted to be, but he never understood poetry or thought that the emotions of others where anymore then they seemed to him. Of course, he thought that sunsets were romantic and that people who read poetry were cool, but he was just a normal guy. He didn’t like analyzing things too much. There were just so many other things to put your life into. Yet… he wanted to take a look into Julian’s self-loathing nature to see why he was like that. He had at first thought that the other boy was simply sensitive. And really, that was adorable. But something, a feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t explain, told him that something bad was going on that he didn’t know about.

And why should he? He’d only met this boy their freshman year and hadn’t actually held a conversation with him before a week ago. He smiled warmly at the other and moved a bit closer to him. “Well, what’re you having the most trouble with?” For the first time in a while, Connor felt what physical attraction was really like. It wasn’t a silly crush, and it certainly wasn’t friendship, as he’s suggested earlier. But this, this was the feeling that if something happened to close the space between the two, he could do something he may come to regret.
 
Julian wished that he could have a simpler mind. He wished that he didn't have to worry about things the way that he did. How deeply and darkly he did. It would be great to forget about all of that for even a second. All of his insecurities and slf hatred. The boy glanced over at Connor and smiled. He wondered if the othr worried like this. Julian hoped with all hisheart that Connor didn't. Knowing that this sweet boy felt that way would kill him.

"Mn. Well, just everything we've covered." He leaned just a little closer. Julian couldn't help it. He was an affectionte person. And Dylan didn't let him express that at all. Being this close was killing him. His fingers just danced over the tip f his own knee.
 
Connor stiffened when his leg touched Julian’s, yet he ignored it, as if he was completely used to this type of feeling. But the truth was that he wasn’t. The closet he’d ever been to another guy was… well not even a guy at all. She’d just been a really butch girl. A cute really butch girl, but he highly doubted that it was the same.

“Well then, let’s get started,” he said brightly, his voice faltering a bit despite his efforts to keep calm. This was killing him. Why not just give in to the urge to completely pour his affections onto someone who obviously needed it? Well, Julian had a boyfriend only a day ago. That was a very, very good reason. He could easily get back together with him tomorrow. The last thing that Connor needed was for an angry boyfriend to come after him… and something told him that this was especially the case with Julian’s ex.

(Feel free to timeskip to something interesting :p)
 
[D'aww. Well they're both cute. Haha.]

It was then that they carried on a long study session that went on until evening. Julian's brain was exhausted, but his spirit urged him on. He wanted to impress Connor for some reason. Even though there was nothing at all impressive about him. The boy shifted a little, but they sat in quite close quarters the entire time. It was nice, just being that close without any pressure as well. The only pressure was coming from himself. He wanted to please Connor, to pay him back for this. And there was really only one way he knew how to do that.

When they seemed to be wrapping things up Julian moved his hand over to Connor's. He placed his thin fingers over the top of the other boy's and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of those two sweet lips. "Thank you." He whispered, without even pulling away. Maybe he was curious as to what Connor would do. He'd never seen the other boy with anybody, boyfriends or girlfriends.
 
It was a bit before six when Connor became convinced that maybe Julian was smarter than he let on. He got the material at an average rate, something that was impressive for someone who’d been absent for more than a day. Their teacher tended to be a bit of an ass and went on to materials that not even the honors classes had gotten to yet. As the night went on, and almost six turned to six thirty, he was expecting his mother to come home soon.

When the other boy kissed him, Connor froze, his eyes widening and his heard speeding up. Suddenly, he was aware of Julian’s breathing, how warm he was when he was right next to him like this, and just… him. It was the sort of awareness that he got when someone was standing behind him. Despite his earlier fears, he couldn’t help but return the kiss. He took a breath through his nose and closed his eyes, the moment lasting for what seemed like forever. When he finally pulled away, his face was flushed and his hands where warmer than he remembered from before. “You’re welcome.”
 
A little bit of a smirk curled up on his lips when he realized just how much that little kiss had affected Connor. That was absolutely adorable. The boy lingered there for a moment before he pulled away. God, he could hardly get over how he hadn't realized Connor was in his class before. Maybe it had been Dylan. Dylan had held him back. That was it. And now he was free of Dylan. He could kiss who he wanted to. He could go where he wanted to. He could sleep when he wanted to even. Things were looking quite promising for him.

Julian's hand moved over to squeeze Connor's. "Thank you." He laughed softly, pulling away from Connor's lips. "You're sweet." He adjusted his pants a little, pulling at his shirt. His fingers instinctively moved down to his phone to check if there were any missed calls or messages. From Dylan maybe? Or maybe not.
 
As Julian checked his messages, of which none were from Dylan, Connor was looking at Julian as if he were the best looking boy he’d ever met. And really, at this moment, he may have been. Of everyone he’d ever dated, or even been interested in in the slightest, the slight boy across from him was the cutest. Not the hottest, but the most beautiful. They were two different things. Hot was a more sexual term then beautiful If he ever had sex with Julian, it would be making love, not simply having sex.

“Do you think you’re getting back together with him?” Connor asked, in what probably seemed like a completely random choice of words. “I mean, if not…” He trailed off and smiled timidly. They could do so much if only Julian was available. He would really be happy. And he options were limitless. But he wasn’t going to make any moves on someone who wasn’t single.
 
Julian looked up from his phone to Connor quickly, as though he really hadn't wanted to check in the first place. And he saw that glance. That lovestruck glance. It was adorable. And Julian felt as though he really didn't deserve it. He glanced away for a second, a slight blush coming on his cheeks. Julian didn't blush. He had done some perverse things with Dylan, but here he was blushing at a boy that just looked at him in a certain way.

"I-" He seemed surprised by the question. So Connor knew why he was checking his phone. "Well- no." He murmured. There was the tiniest tinge of regret in that answer, but it was also as if he was trying to reassure Connor. He really didn't know what would happen with Dylan. Dylan wasn't even trying to talk to him. "I don't think we will." He gave Connor a smile, leaning forward to nuzzle against his shoulder. "Why?"
 
Connor leaned forwards further. Now he was nearly nose-to-nose with Julian. Green eyes stared into eyes that were equally, if not more, green then his own. He placed one hand on the other boy’s knee and the other snaked towards his waist. “Well,” he said softly, a small smile reaching his lips, “this way I can do this.” He leaned forwards more, and tilted his head. Less than an inch separated the two before he paused for a few seconds and then suddenly moved forward and kissed Julian.

It wasn’t really a passionate kiss. It was sweet, and halting at times, as Connor wasn’t particularly used to kissing boys, and it was different. However, despite the lack of heart-stopping intense passion, he made the attempt at showing that he really cared for Julian.
 
The boy smiled and laughed a little, not quite sure what Connor was doing. Dylan would be affectionate towards him, but it was few and far between. It did not come as easily as this did. As easily as Connor slipped his hand around his waist. The boy let out a pleased little noise, swallowing when he realized just what Connor was going to do. The kiss before hadn't made him nervous, but this did. Maybe because Dylan had come up in conversation.

"That is nice..." He murmured when he finally pulled away from the kiss, placing a soft one at the corner of Connor's lips. "I like it a lot, in fact." He breathed, moving over to nuzzle at the other boy's neck. "I could get used to it." He laughed breathily over the soft skin.
 
At Julian’s laugh, Connor tilted his head to the side, serenity clouding his eyes. To see someone who he’d liked for so long happy was, of course, a pleasant experience. He couldn’t remember seeing a truly pleasant look on the other boy’s face in at least a few weeks. He’d wondered what was going on, but hadn’t found it to be his place to ask. Maybe today he could, but not now. At Julian’s kiss, Connor tightened his grip on the other’s waist. His grip was still fairly loose, but little did he know, his hand was directly on the bruise that Dylan had caused.

“I would really like it if you did,” Connor said with a small smile. “Because I don’t want to be your friend. I’ve really wanted to be more for a while.” He blushed again and kissed Julian quickly before pulling away. He fell forwards a bit, laughing despite the fact that he’d probably just hurt him more. “Sorry,” he said quietly, smiling.
 
Julian didn't know how to take any of this. Connor's expressions and his fingers wrapped around him. That look of pure adoration. And then there was that other thing that threw him off. That when he leaned in to Connor, the other boy didn't pull away. In fact, he held Julian tighter. That was something he'd have to get used to. He'd been so close to pulling away and apologizing for what he had done, but then Connor leaned close to him again. He'd liked it, it seemed.

A pained little sound left his lips when the bruise was touched a first time. The thing was still raw. And hell, there were more than one scattered about. "Really...?" He tried to distract himself with this question and what Connor was saying. That was so sweet... He couldn't completely believe it. The boy bit his bottom lip when Connor pulled away, trying his hardest to hold in the pained sounds. "It's okay..." He managed to smile.
 
At the sound Julian made, Connor pulled away quickly. His eyes widened and he completely ignored the other boy’s next words. God, he was such a klutz. But he wasn’t stupid. He knew that it was his fault that the boy across from him seemed to be in pain. He was probably too heavy for the other’s slight frame. He looked down and bit his lip.

“I’m sorry,” he uttered quickly, seeming almost afraid. “Did I hurt you?” His hand wandered back towards Julian’s waist, where he’d touched before. He pressed slightly, as he often did when checking his little cousins for bruises and bumps. Of course, he didn’t look. That would have been awkward in this situation and inappropriate in any other. He had always liked moving slower in relationships then his friends. Obsession was equally as unhealthy as complete indifference, and he wasn’t about to scare Julian off.
 
Julian looked a little upset when Connor pulled away and had that expression on his face. He wanted to kiss it off of him, make the other boy feel as though it was all alright. Which really it was. He didn't like the look of... He couldn't decipher that look. One like it had never been directed at him before. Sure, Dylan was concerned for him at points, but not like that. Not to that point.

"It's okay." His fingers went out to Connor's spare hand, squeezing it a little. When he moved his hand back and pressed down on the bruise Julian let out another displeased noise, but leaned closer. "It's just a bruise..." He slipped his hand down and uncovered part of it. Even from just that bit it was obvious that it was not 'just a bruise.' It was a deep purple thing. "You didn't do it." He answered quickly, not wanting Connor to feel guilty.
 
When Julian moved his hand away from Connors, there seemed to be something missing. Of course, his hand was now empty. But who knew that one’s hand being empty could equate to feeling emptier? It was as if he’d been missing something that he hadn’t even known existed. In a way, it was a curse for him to know what he’d been missing before. But he had it now. So it was okay, right? Though losing it would be so much worse now.

“Ff-“ Connor bit back a curse when he was shown the bruise. A knot formed in his chest and he just stared for a moment. “Damn,” He muttered, “ How the hell did that happen?” It wasn’t a gentle question as the one about the bruise on the other boy’s face had been. It was demanding and a bit protective. “If you’d told me I would have bee-“ He trailed off and shook his head. “Sorry. It’s not your fault. I just… I don’t know.” He reached out and tentatively felt the bruise, his hand so light on Julian’s skin that it was as if it wasn’t there at all. He winced and looked into the other’s eyes. It was obvious that he was jumping to conclusions. The conclusion however, was wrong. “What happened?”
 
Julian would have thought that Connor was cute for thinking that way. But he also would have been cautious. It wasn't right for someone to feel that way, at least that's what he'd conditioned himself to think. He shouldn't feel like one half of a whole. He should just feel like something extra to another person. Sometimes he was a good thing to them, and sometimes a bad. Dylan had made him feel this way. Like a pet.

Something inside him fluttered when Connor spoke up about the bruise. That demanding tone and the protective manner he stated it in was... Julian couldn't describe it. Part of it reminded him of Dylan, being concerned and overprotective. But this was in a different manner. It was a way that Julian liked, almost. The boy looked down at the bed, away from Connor. How could he lie again, to this boy that had been so sweet to him? Would he really try to keep protecting Dylan, even after they were no longer together? "I just... I ran into a counter. I'm clumsy." He laughed. But even Julian could not convince himself. He looked away from Connor again, not wanting to face that lie.
 
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