𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 ᵇᵘᶰᶰʸ ⁺ ᶳᵗᵃᶤᶰᵉ ᶰᶳᶠʷ

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ The elegant building before her made her lip curl to the side. Posh. Preppy. This is where he’d run away to and left her in hell. Alexandria toyed with a curl, ignoring the woman before her in the little power suit. The principal of Eden Academy was prim, proper and unless Lexi was mistaken an absolute bitch. Oh she said all the right things. Condolences on losing her parents. Her record would be ignored. A fresh start. It was the tightness in her lips, the coldness in her eyes and the way she’d looked over Alexandria like she was some filthy little bug. Tattered jeans and a band tea so worn with age the black was now grey and the logo was peeling. Her converse were dirty and her jeans and penned designs along the thigh. Her nail polish, black, was chipped. Her fiery locks were left wild and the number of times she’d been called Merida was beyond counting. The sharp heels of the woman along the pavement told Lexi she was moving. Shifting her pack on her shoulder, she followed. “You will be staying with your brother, in one of the staff cottages. It is a bit unorthodox, but the dorms are full.” Honestly, which fate was worse? Being forced to attend this Stepford academy or being forced to be in close proximity to the brother he had abandoned her. That was a tough one. Her hands itched with the building stress. One thing would fix it, but she’d need to be alone. Rules were being listed off and Lexi allowed her mind to wonder as she looked over the students on the lawn. Cute little skirts, blazers. Ties and thigh highs. Snorting softly, she nodded as the woman paused to look at her. The action automatic, one that she’d gotten used to in the past month since her parent’s death. Mark and Lisa had overdosed. Not for the first time, but for the last to be sure. The moment Lucian had come of age, he’d fled. Left her, the little sister he’d promised to love, behind. He knew what sort of monsters their parents were. He’d left her. “Well I will leave you to get settled, Alexandria. Your brother will be done with class in,” she paused to look at her watch. “An hour and a half.” A noncommittal noise left her and she watched the woman’s lips tighten with some satisfaction before she turned and stalked from the quaint little cottage. Nudging the door closed with her shoe, she turned to look at the living room. Was the decor her brother’s doing? Had it come furnished? Dropping her bag she moved to the leather couch and collapsed on the soft, buttery surface. Feet dangling off the edge, she exhaled slowly. The need to cut herself was itching at her skin. Like ants along her nerves. Gritting her teeth she exhaled. It had to wait. The flash of crimson. The sharp sting as skin parted. The endorphins that her body needed so badly. The high. Biting her lower lip hard enough that a shuddering breath left her Lexi closed her eyes. She could wait. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

For Lucian, his parent's deaths had been the best news he'd ever heard. Harsh, normally death was something he wouldn't wish on anybody and if any of his peers knew his thoughts he had no doubts he would be seen as callous, cold and cruel, but they didn't know. He wasn't close enough with anybody here, at least not close enough that he had told them of his past, of how his parents had been. Drug addicts and drunks, unable to hold down jobs and relying on the government to provide for them, and he suspected more than a few criminal activities...he'd definitely seen his father turn up with wads of cash some nights, and he'd seen so many different wallets that the only conclusion he'd ever been able to draw is that among other things hid dad had to be mugging people. They'd gotten by, but he'd always had the bare minimum...tinned food heated on the stove when they had paid for the gas, pop tarts...going to school in faded, second-hand clothing and being bullied for it...it had been difficult to endure, and when his little sister had been born it hadn't been just for him but it had been for her too. Their parents had rarely been in any state to look after a newborn child, it had been a miracle that they'd managed to take care of him so at only 8 years old he'd had to do a lot of it himself. That had been his life, for so long. At least once a week he had tried to talk to them, tried to appeal to whatever humanity they had left in them and a few times he thought he'd seen something in his mother...he'd definitely seen tears, she'd hugged him and Lexi close and promised to do better and for a few days she had tried...she hadn't done well but she'd tried, and then she'd turn up stoned or drunk again and everything went back to normal, or normal for them at least. Those few moments had helped, he supposed, at least they had been times where their mother had gotten more shopping in. Lucian himself had turned to stealing at some point, nothing major just shoplifting to get food for them, stealing chocolate bars as treats as Lexi had grown older and when he'd finished school, then college had come. Despite his situation at home and the bullying at school his grades had always been good, he'd applied to a lot of different colleges too but of course, he'd never been able to afford any of them and he didn't want to leave Lexi behind so he'd gone to the local college instead, and worked a part time job to help pay for himself. With his wages he'd tried to buy her better clothes, some better food, he'd learned early how to live on a budget for himself so for the first couple of weeks most of the money he didn't need to buy his college supplies had gone to her...but then they had found out. He'd kept the job a secret, made excuses for where he was going but one of them must have seen one of his cheques because suddenly they were demanding a cut for rent. For a while even that he'd managed to put up with, it was worth it because he could come home every night and spend time with his sister, he could save what he could to treat her even if he was now paying half his paycheque to them, he'd lasted two whole years funding their drug habits and his own education and was approaching his twenty-first birthday when he'd graduated with honours and he'd started to look for a proper job. He knew what he wanted to do...his teachers had made a huge impact on his life, the reason he'd done so well in school was because they'd always helped, one in particular had even brought him lunch multiple times a week. He'd never told them the exact situation at home but they seemed to know it was bad anyway...and he wanted to be a teacher too. He'd applied for several jobs, most of them in public schools but it had been Eden Academy that had accepted him. Impressed with his grades they'd offered a paid TA position, with the caveat that it was a boarding school and teachers were required to live on the property. He'd fought with his parents for weeks over it, he wanted to go but to leave Lexi with them...he'd asked if he could take her with him, they never paid much attention to her anyway, they were never interested in raising a child but to them that wasn't what she was...she was a government cheque in human form, just like he'd been before he finished school. He'd come to blows with his dad, beaten him near to death after a particularly bad argument and left to go cool off. When he'd tried to go home, they'd been waiting for him. Threats of calling the police if he didn't leave, saying he'd tried to kill his own father, and they'd wanted money too...no amount of arguing or begging had helped, they wouldn't let him stay, they wouldn't let him take Lexi or even see her anymore and the best he'd managed to get is that if he kept paying, they would spend some of the money on her. For the past six years that was how it had been. He'd sent them a sum of money every month, and in addition he'd gone to her school and paid for her school meals to be provided, but there was no more he could do. He'd tried to see her but he'd been threatened, they had proof of him assaulting his dad and a criminal record would lose him the opportunity he had at Eden, they'd probably get a restraining order too and go back to mistreating Lexi even worse. He gave them letters to give to her every week, he tried sending some through the post, he tried sending gifts for her birthdays...it killed him not to see her but he never felt he had a choice until he'd gotten the phone call about their deaths. His colleagues had given him their condolences...he'd been here for six years now, he wasn't an assistant anymore but a respected teacher with his own private lodgings instead of the shared dormitory of the teacher's assistants and he'd stored up enough good will that when he'd gone to the board with the request that she be allowed into the academy they'd voted in his favour...narrowly, but it had been enough. The Principal hadn't liked it, but thankfully it wasn't her decision, all decisions like this went through all of the teachers. He was in class when he was notified that she'd arrived. She'd be staying with him in his private cottage since there was no more room in the dorms and he was both excited and nervous...anxious even. He'd never even had the chance to say goodbye to her, she'd been eleven years old when he'd had to leave, was seventeen now...he knew what she must think of him, he had felt guilty every day, she had constantly been on his mind and he didn't know how many of his letters and gifts she'd received but he'd never gotten a response. When he'd asked if she'd written one or had anything to say, they'd told him she hated him for leaving them...words that had cut deep. Finally he was done with class and his heart was pounding as he approached his cottage...his home...he even fumbled with the key at the lock, he was more nervous than he had been in his entire life when he entered and saw her sitting there on the sofa. Six long years...she'd grown up, wasn't the child he remembered but he could still see those features, her fiery hair like his own though even longer...she was skinny too, he'd expected that, he knew she wouldn't have been eating as well as she could. He fought back the tears, standing there in silence wearing some smart jeans, a deep green shirt and a brown jacket over it. "A-Alexandria...Lexi..." He didn't know what else to say. How did he begin to talk with her? What was the standard for a situation like this? "I've missed you...I'm glad you're here, I...are you hungry? We can order some food, you must be hungry, you look hungry..." He was babbling, he knew, he still hadn't moved from the doorway and was already reaching for his phone to order. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ The sound of his voice pulled her from her thoughts with a jolt and unfriendly eyes rose to meet his own. His voice babbled and she watched him silently as he did. A brow lifted and she pushed herself to sit upright and then rose, and grabbed her bag, looking at him expectantly. Though she didn’t say a word, it was a clear demand. Which room is mine? After a moment, a slight frown on his features, he led her to her room. If he spoke, she ignored him. Dropping her bag on the bed she turned to face him as he lingered in the doorway. Lexi was so angry with him, she had been for years. He’d abandoned her to the monsters and not looked back once. Calling him a liar would have been the easiest thing to throw his words back at him. He’d missed her? Yeah right. “Sure you missed me” She finally offered. Her voice was icy and cold. Crossing her arms, she shifted her weight. “Missed me so much, while you lived in utopia while leaving me in hell.” As his mouth opened she lifted a hand. “Save it, big brother. I am sure you have a litany of excuses, but in the end, you left me there, knowing what they were both like.” Now he’d brought her here, to a place that she’d never fit into. From the manners to the fact that she’d not even be in the dorms with them. All of it would make her stand out. Her friends, her school.. All gone. The offer of food would have been ignored, but her stomach rumbled and she growled softly. “I want Indian.” Turning, she looked over her shoulder at him. There was something close to hatred there, mingled with anger. She knew he didn’t like Indian food and asked for the one thing she knew would be a punishment to him. A small cut of a thousand more she planned to inflict on her big brother. Leaving her had been bad enough, but to move somewhere so idyllic? It was salt in the wounds. This school. The ground, the people he’d surrounded himself with. So far from who she was, what they were. Like he couldn’t run away fast enough, change himself fast enough. Her back to him now, Lexi began to unpack the meager possessions she had, his dismissal clear. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian was already nervous...seeing her for the first time in six years? Seven years? He'd not seen her for so long and it wasn't exaggerating to say he'd missed her every single day, thought about her every single day...and to see her there, sitting right in front of him...even through the anxiety relief flowed through him. She was safe now...he'd always worried, he knew her life had probably been hard, he'd tried to do what he could but he had a lot of doubts that she'd gotten any of the money he'd tried to get through to her, any of the letters he'd wrote, any of the support he'd tried to send her way. No, he was pretty confident hid parents would have kept that from her for selfish reasons, spent the money on alcohol and drugs...but now she was safe, she could live a normal life. He did falter when she looked up at him, it was painfully obvious that her expression showed her anger towards him...he wondered had they spread lies about him too? He wouldn't doubt it, but even if they hadn't he could understand why she'd be upset with him so when she grabbed her bag without a word without replying to him, he frowned. He hadn't been able to stop it. "Ah...I s-suppose you want to see where you'll be staying, okay, follow me." He led her towards the bedroom he had set aside for her, the spare room all of the staff cottages had just in case of visitors. He'd never had to use it before, he didn't know anybody outside of the academy so he had never really had any reason to decorate it. It came with a comfortable double bed with grey sheets and covers, teal pillows on the bed and a basic but nice looking wardrobe, dresser and bedside table with a few drawers in it. He'd gone ahead and bought a television for her room too and mounted it up on the wall and in the beside table were two gifts; a brand new laptop and laying on top of that, a brand new cellphone, the latest model that was available. He hadn't bought them out of guilt, though he'd felt guilt on having to leave her with their parents for the last six years, he'd gotten them because he wanted to spoil her. He knew she'd had it hard, he'd had it hard when he'd been there himself and treating her to things others their age generally enjoyed as a bare minimum felt right. When they reached the room though...the hostility in her tone caught him off-guard. He remembered how sweet she'd always been with him and he'd expected some resentment but this was more than that, it sounded like pure hate in her voice. He opened his mouth to try and explain what had happened, how he'd been kept away from her by their spiteful parents, how he'd really had no other options and the last thing he'd wanted to do was to leave her alone with them but she cut him off before he could even speak. So he stopped trying even as he felt the tears starting to form in his eyes, and he only nodded when she said she wanted Indian food. He didn't know if she'd developed a taste for it or not or if it was just to spite him because she remembered he hated spicy food, but it didn't matter, right now he'd do just about anything to make her happy so he left her without another word and ordered the food. He hadn't even hung around to find out exactly what she'd like so he ordered several different dishes for her to choose from and for himself he managed to find some fries on the menu as well as a milder chicken tikka masala, still not something he'd ever naturally order but better than nothing. It took around thirty minutes before the food was delivered, and when it was he unpacked it all onto the table in the front room, right by the sofa, then went to knock on her bedroom door. "Lexi...Alexandria..." Weird, how uncomfortable he felt talking to the person he loved most in the world. "The food is here, in the front room. I...I'm going to watch a movie while I eat, if you'd like to join me, or you can bring it back in here..." This wasn't like him...Lucian was generally assertive, he'd always been like that, it's why he'd clashed with their parents so much because he'd been unwilling to just accept their abuse and judging by how she'd been so far he was sure Lexi was just the same but he just couldn't find a way out of this anxious spiral he'd been in ever since seeing her again, seeing how angry she was at him. He just didn't know what to do. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Softness, kindness was not something she felt for him. The man who had abandoned her to hell. Had Lucian tried to explain to her what had stopped him, it wouldn’t have mattered. There had been options, alternatives and he’d cowtailed to them.. Knowing what they were like. He had been worse than them in her eyes and it would take a lot to ever make her see him otherwise. Hatred was part of it, but the betrayal was the part that she’d struggle to overcome. Lexi didn’t think that Lucian was a bad person. Not even a little bit. She thought he was weak and spineless. The thought driven home when he said nothing but turned to leave. She had seen the tears, but he’d not fought back. Just like he’d not fought for her. Nothing had changed. He’d been her protector and then he’d vanished. Looking at the laptop and cellphone, she left where they were and sat on the gray bed and sighed, falling back against the comforter. All she had wanted was for him to fight for her. It was the least he could have done. Knocking had her eyes opening. As her mind had wondered,s he’d closed her eyes. Not quite sleeping, but not awake either. Groaning, she sat up and rubbed at her eyes. She still felt on edge. Alexandria wanted to cut herself, to release some of the frustration, the anxiety. A growl left her lips as she stalked out of the room. “Are you always such a pussy?” The question was thrown over her shoulder as she passed him. “I mean you're a teacher. Do you ask the spoiled brats that go here if they want to do their homework, maybe.. Please?” Picking a curry, she plated it with some rice. Naan was added and a handful of fries. “Or do you try and bribe them with things like cellphones and laptops to get them to behave?” She turned to face him, her wild curls falling freely down her back. “You fought once, but once you were free, you gave it up. For me. For yourself. It’s fucking pathetic.” #a077b1

 

[Staine]

It wasn't that Lucian had lost any of the fight he once had...he wasn't actually soft on his students, he didn't take anything lying down and he fought tooth and nail for everything he believed in but it just wasn't the same...some fights he knew you just couldn't win, like the fight between himself and his parents. The moment he'd hit his father in anger he'd lost that one, they had leverage enough to stop him from ever coming back, from ever being able to see Lexi again and they'd made it clear they were willing to use it too. It wasn't a bluff...they were terrible enough people that they really would ruin their son's life for the smallest of reasons and worse, they would have ruined Lexi's too. The deal he made with them kept her safe...she was unhappy no doubt, he'd known that, but as long as they were getting something from him they wouldn't hurt her as much, wouldn't harm her...so many terrible things he'd been worried would happen to her once he left but they wouldn't risk losing what he provided for them so in a way, he felt he'd been helping her too. He knew she wouldn't see it that way, he knew she couldn't possibly know what he'd been through himself and he couldn't blame her for her feelings...that's why he didn't say anything when she yelled at him, why he just turned away and left her to herself. What could he say to make things right? Nothing...he knew nothing he could say would make up for the years she'd been alone with them and anything he'd done, well it didn't matter now. She'd still suffered, so when she finally came out of her room and looked just as angry he stayed quiet again, when she started yelling at him he bit his tongue and looked away from her in shame. Even if she would be able to understand, he didn't feel he deserved any forgiveness from her. "Lexi...w-watch your language, you won't get away with that in this school...it's okay here, but the other teachers...and you can't in front of the students." Even now he couldn't look at her as he spoke, it was a mental block...his own guilt was preventing him from even making eye contact with her while she was venting her emotions at him but as she grabbed her food and he took what he'd ordered for himself out of the bag, noting that she'd taken some of the fries he'd ordered for himself too, she continued. It was like a dam had burst and she just had to let it all out at him no matter what. "Lexi, that...that's not a bribe, those are just for school, I figured you didn't have them...they wouldn't have used the money for that, I know that, I..." He clenched his fist, a flash of the old anger he had whenever he thought about their parents returning for an instant and then dissipating just as quickly as Lexi continued with her verbal assault. "Lexi, stop, you...you don't know..." Did it matter though? That she didn't know, did it really matter? Whatever the actual reason, he'd still left her, so he deserved this, right? That's what his head was telling him but the more she pushed the harder it became to just not say anything, he felt he had to speak up but the words just wouldn't come...until she said those last ones. That he was free...then it came spilling out as he laughed bitterly. It wasn't funny, none of this was fucking funny, but he was laughing anyway at the irony of it. "You think I was...free? You think I was ever free of them?" The words were soft at first, his voice trembling both with sorrow and anger and he finally turned to face her. He hadn't bothered wiping away the tears which had slowly began to roll down his cheek as she'd berated him and his soft eyes glistened...but there was a hardness to them now, like their used to be when he'd stood up to their father so many times. "I was never fucking free...I paid those assholes more than half of my paycheque every god damn month so that they wouldn't take my little 'rebellion' out on you...once I punched dad so hard it broke his fucking jaw that was all I could do to stop them getting me arrested...and do you think they'd let me see you?" The tears were starting to flow more freely now, bottled up emotion released in a burst. "Of course not, I begged them to, I pleaded with them, I paid them for your schooling, your clothes, your food, I gave them all that and more so that they could spend the rest on drugs or alcohol or whatever the hell they were doing that month and they still felt they had to punish me." His hands were balled into fists, his knuckles turning white, he had to hit something and his hand came crashing down on the arm of the sofa. It was cushioned, padded...it still hurt but the pain felt good for a moment. A release. "If you ever let her see you again we'll go straight to the police, that's what they told me and you know they'd have done it, do you know how relieved I was when I got the news that they'd died? How worried I've been for you for six years? Not a day goes by when I haven't thought about you, wanted to see you, hear your voice, you're the only person I ever cared about and I couldn't see you, didn't even know how you were doing...all I could do was pay them and warn them that if I ever hear you were being hurt they'd get nothing more from me...did they even give you the letters I wrote? Did they fuck, I know they didn't because I have them all here, return to fucking sender...don't you dare tell me I was free when they used you to keep me shackled, Lexi...like there was anything I wouldn't give up for you..." He sobbed...it was all too much...he'd wanted to talk to her about this slowly, confront his feelings and maybe take her to see the school councilor with him when they were ready but she'd just had to push him. He turned away, closed his eyes and focused on his breathing exercise, in...hold for four seconds...out... #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ His words were halting, hurt and Alexandria couldn’t find it in herself to care. Her big brother had once been her whole world and suddenly one day he was gone. He’d been her father and mother. He’d made sure she had food, had checked her homework, made sure she had clean clothing. More than that, he’d kept their mother and father from hurting her. Had been there when she cried in the night. He’d been her rock and he’d abandoned her. Lexi knew she was being a bitch.. But it almost felt good to unload on him. To let the vitriol spew forth, bedding from her after years of hurt and growing resentment that bordered on hate. The fact that he let her? Only seemed to encourage it. It was almost as if he agreed that he deserved it. At least that was how it seemed until Alexandria finally pushed him too far. It started soft, his voice rising. Though, he didn’t yell at her. Even now he was careful, though there was anger there mingled with his sorrow. His eyes, so like her own, had misted with tears, the blue shimmering as they filled his eyes and then turning to glass as the first tear broke. Lips parted, Lexi could only gape as he said his piece. Part of her wanted to call him a fucking lair and he could see the anger simmering in her eyes. The doubt slowly crept in slowly and then gave way to uncertainty. Was he telling her the truth? Part of her wanted to just believe he was lying, but part of her wondered why he’d lie about this. The memory of her father one day, coming home bloodied had stood out and she wondered if that had been Lucian. Biting her lower lip she gripped her plate, the tension in her small body causing it to vibrate. Money had been paid to keep her safe. A part of her had always wondered how her parents had kept in the life they had picked. The drugs and booze. While they’d spent almost all of what he gave them on such things, there had been scraps for her. She’d gone hungry once and a while, but not as much as she should have. A tear snaked down her cheek, surprising her and she dashed it away angrily. “Prove it.” She finally ground out. Letters. There were letters to her, returned to sender. They’d have dates, right? Couldn’t be faked. If he had them, then he could prove it. The plate hit the table with a soft trump and she crossed her arms, tears still swimming in her own eyes. His were stormy seas, her own were Caribbean. Similar and different. “Prove it, Lucian.” She demanded again. Was he a liar? A bubble of hope was forming in her heart. As if he hadn’t left her in hell.. Hope that he loved her. Cared for her. Lexi wouldn’t let herself blindly believe it though. Her life had been turbulent, painful and a living hell. If what he said was true, there would only be two people to blame.. Not three. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian was almost panting...it took it out of him like it was an actual physical activity, speaking his truth after all of these years, it was...exhausting. Holding it all in had been the norm for so long, letting everything slide off him...the taunts from their parents, the threats, the smirks. It wasn't like he had been a passive man back then, he'd had to be aggressive just to survive in that household and deal with his parents...he'd been beaten too, their father had loved to lash out when he was drunk, so much so that it had always been a relief to him when they did drugs instead of drunk alcohol. They were still nasty, that never changed but they were less violent when they were fucked up by the drugs, less energetic. When he drank his temper came out, and Lucian had born the brunt of it until he'd turned 16 and grown a little taller. He hadn't known it at the time but it was usually like that with bullies...so long as you were weaker than them they would never stop but once he'd become old enough to fight back there had been hesitation in their father's eyes when he got angry, like he didn't know if he could hit Lucian without getting put on his arse anymore. That had suited him just fine, it had also helped him to protect her, his baby sister, but once he'd left, once he'd been forced out because he'd finally put it to the test and found that he very much could overpower his old man, he hadn't been there. Lexi had every right to be angry, if he'd just kept his own temper he could have stayed and protected her forever. And now he'd lost it again. He should have just kept taking her barbs, let her yell, let her get it all out but instead he'd grown angry. Not at her, never at her, but at the injustice of it all, at being forced to abandon her and having the only person he'd ever loved hate him like this, it was all too much. He'd thought he would be able to handle it if he ever saw her again and now, it hadn't even been an hour since he walked through the door and the armour he'd tried to shield himself in had cracked. He'd let it out, let everything he'd been holding back out and now he felt deflated. Prove it, she said to him and he looked over at her, the image of his sister blurred through his own tears but he could see the start of hers rolling down her cheeks, he could hear the shake in her voice. He sighed softly and without a word he stood up and walked away, towards his bedroom. Every single letter had returned to him. That first year he'd sent the most...there were over thirty of them, he'd started by sending one every week hoping one would get through before they had finally had enough and threatened him some more. Even then he had still tried to send one on her birthday every year. He had them all...he'd sorted them into a pile, in chronological order with the latest, sent earlier that year on her seventeenth at the top. None of them had been opened but he'd kept them all in as perfect a condition as he could, one day he'd hoped he'd be able to give them to her but this...this wasn't how he'd wanted it to go. He took them out of his bedside table where he kept them and nothing else and brought them back into the front room. The date was on them all, they had stamps, the older ones were clearly faded and all were handwritten. He placed them down on the table in front of her after turning the pile upside-down and sat down, laying his head back against the sofa and closing his eyes with a soft sob. He couldn't watch this...he'd always thought he was strong but seeing Lexi in pain felt like dagger after dagger and he didn't want to watch her read the words their parents had never let get through to her. He still remembered the oldest letter like he'd written it the day before, fresh in his mind, and that was the one on top of the pile now. Dear Lexi I'm sorry I can't be there with you, I wish I could. I miss you already and it's only been a week since I've been home, since I've seen you smile. I know I'm not there now and I know it must hurt but your big brother loves you very much, you're the most important person in my world and if I could I'd have you with me right now. Please stay strong...I've done everything I can but I hurt dad, and if I come back I'll get sent away to a much worse place and I won't be able to help anymore. Don't provoke him, try to stay away from both of them as much as you can and I swear to you I'll come for you one day, I'll be there the moment you no longer have to stay with them. I'm trying to make them let me see you, I'm asking every day and I hope I get to see you again soon so please stay safe for me. I love you with all my heart. Luci. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Turning without a word, Lucian walked to his bedroom after setting his food down. A minute later he was back with a stack over envelopes. Setting down her own plate, she accepted the bundle of letters. It was not a small stack either and she worldly watched him move to sit and moved to the sofa, head back, eyes closed. Turning away from him she left the room, heading for her own. The door closed softly and Alexandria sat on her bed and turned over the oldest letter. He’d not been lying, she’d known that by the time she’d finished the first letter. Slowly, she made her way through each and everyone. Often they were about how much he missed her, about the milestones in her life. He also told her about his and for the first time, she was able to see what his life had been like. Her tears were soft, falling freely, but never once did she allow them to hit the letters. They were precious to her. The last letter was slipped back into its envelope and she sat there for a long time, trying to come to terms with what she’d thought and the truth. It should have been easy but small parts of her wondered why he’d not tried to meet her at school or something like that. It still hurt, but not nearly as much. Rubbing her face in her hands she sniffled and rubbed at her temples, a headache forming. Inhaling deeply she rose and made her was back into the living room, Lucian still where he had been when she left. Eyes closed, head back, his cheeks drying in shiny watches from the tears. Carefully, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, hiding her face against him. This close she could smell him. That scent she’d forgotten for so long. Spicy, sweet and cozy. It enveloped her like a blanket and she hugged him tighter, her eyes closed tight. Saying sorry didn’t come, she couldn’t find the words. She curled closer to him, like she used to do as a child and just held him. When his arms slipped around her, she felt the tears start again. He’d feel them against his skin, warm and wet. She didn’t make a sound, but the trembling of her body gave her away, if the tears that stained his shirt had not. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian, after placing down the envelopes, didn't have the strength to watch her read them. He wanted to, he wanted to watch in the silly hope that she would understand and forgive him for leaving her, that she would finally know the truth but what if she didn't? That was just as likely to him, that she wouldn't find any excuse acceptable, any reason for leaving her in that hellhole. He couldn't fault her if that was the case, but he didn't want to get his hopes up so he had sat back and closed his eyes. He could still hear her, he heard her footsteps moving away from him and the sound of a door opening and closing and still he didn't move. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, he wiped them away a couple of times but gave up when they kept falling and every now and then he sobbed softly as a particularly hard memory flowed through his mind. He was lost in there now, thinking back to all the times he'd thought of her. When he'd seen something he thought she'd like to eat, when he'd tried food from somewhere new he'd always felt a pang of guilt and wondered what she was doing at that time, if she was being fed. When he bought himself clothes he'd wondered if she had any new clothes, she'd been growing and surely deserved them, and he'd given enough money, but he had no way of knowing. Memories of driving past her school hoping to catch a glimpse of her, knowing that if he was seen and she mentioned it to their awful parents they might decide to punish him, either through her or directly by having him arrested so he'd always pulled away. Once or twice he thought he saw her in the distance but he couldn't let himself get close...even if she did see him it would be too cruel to let her see her older brother driving away from her, and he couldn't talk to her...every memory was more and more painful. Finally he heard the door open again and the memories dissipated. She was back. He didn't know what to expect...would she be crying, would she yell at him, would she still be angry or would she be broken...he was about to move when he felt the weight on the sofa shift slightly, then felt her...her warmth as she climbed into his lap immediately bringing back memories of when they were younger, how he'd hold her when she was upset or how she'd comfort him when he'd had a rough day by crawling into his lap. It had always helped soothe him, no matter how angry he was, no matter how much pain he was in from talking back to his father once he'd been old enough not to be terrified of him...her presence in his arms always brought him to his happy place and she was there again. His arms closed around her and he couldn't hold back the soft sob as his body shook, he held her tighter than he ever had. "L-Lexi...I...I thought you'd never want to see me again, I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry for ever leaving, I never wanted to hurt you, I thought about you every day..." His voice cracked and his cheek rested against her head as he held her like he never wanted to let go again. "I'm glad you're here, I...I'm glad they're dead, y-you're safe now, I'll take care of you like I always should have done, I p-promise I'll never leave you again..." #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Arms tightened around her and she laid her head to his shoulder, face hidden against his neck. Their parents had been monsters and determined to ruin both their lives. Even free, he’d been kept from her and their poisoned lies about how he didn’t care had formed a very solid picture in her mind and had done exactly what they wanted. Turned her against him. The only one to ever love her, to care for her. The sob that broke from him made her heartache and the arms around his shoulders tightened. Tears damned her hair as he pressed his cheek to the soft locks. Voice trembling he told her his fears and she hugged him tighter still. He gave her promises that no one should be expected to keep and she let them fall without a word, happy to finally have him back. He was not the only one to cry, her tears soaked his shirt and she closed her eyes tightly. His arms had always been her safe place. When their parents were too drunk, slurring their words. When they were so doped up that they didn’t know where they were. Lucian had been a teenager, but he’d taken care of her. Tears slowed and she nuzzled closer, the warmth of her breath brushing his neck. Moving wasn’t on her mind, she’d missed a lifetime of his hugs and she would stay here until her body demanded she move. “I made your shirt all wet.” There was a hiccup in her voice and she hugged him again, her small arms holding him as tight as she could manage. Time slipped past as they held one another and it wasn’t until her stomach growled that she offered a soft giggle. “Is now a bad time to tell you I hate Indian food?” Lexi’s voice was shy and there was no hiding her choice of food had been to punish him, even it it punished her too. “We don’t have to order anything else.. A PB and J sandwich would be really nice right now, if you have the stuff?” Making him pay for a second meal was not something she wanted and she would eat the food he’d gotten if she had to, but given a choice? Pulling back she gave him a sheepish smile, her pale cheeks streaked with tears. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian just couldn't let go of her, his arms wrapped around her so tightly that it had to be hard for her to breathe but he held on for dear life, like he might lose her again at any moment. He was crying, something he hadn't done for a long time but that didn't matter, hell he was pretty sure she was crying too, it was emotional...she'd forgiven him. For years he'd dreaded this moment, telling her that he'd tried and her not caring had been his worst nightmare and all he could focus on but that hadn't happened. It should have, in his opinion...he hadn't tried hard enough, he should have fought harder, kidnapped her even just so they could be together, so he could get her out of that hellhole. She'd forgiven him...but could he forgive himself too? He laughed as she said she was making his shirt all wet as though he didn't have tears rolling down his own cheeks. He still didn't move. "I have other shirts and it'll wash..." His hand was the only thing moving now, up and down her back gently stroking, hoping it was soothing her like it was soothing him to do it, moving his head just a little as her hair tickled his neck. He heard her stomach growl and the giggle, laughter that he'd missed out on for years now that brought a smile to his face despite the moment and he matched it with a laugh of his own when she told him she didn't like Indian food, shaking his head and gave a soft growl of annoyance. "I fucking knew it...I knew you asked for that just to punish me..." Despite the words he was grinning, there was laughter in his voice. She hadn't grown up scared and timid despite their parents, something he wouldn't blame her for...she was fiery, she had a temper like his own and an attitude to match, something he'd had to tame in order to do what he did, work as a teacher. Eventually she started to pull away and while he didn't want to let go he knew he had to, and that she wasn't going anywhere, not now. She pulled back only enough so that he could look her in the eyes and he smiled, lifting his hand to cup her cheek, brush away the tears with his thumb. "I haven't eaten a PB and J for years now...let me go and check." He gently pushed her to the side so that he could get up since it would have been a bit much to carry her around the room like a child, sitting her on the sofa beside him and making his way to the kitchen. While he was there he wiped his face with some kitchen roll and then looked in the fridge. As it stood he did have some peanut butter and some jelly, he liked the jelly on toast and the peanut butter...he wasn't sure why he'd bought it, it was unopened but he was glad he had it. Taking some bread he made two sandwiches and cut them into triangles, taking them back to her on a plate and laying them down on the table. Grabbing one for himself, he sat down beside her and took a bite. "I guess you're in luck, I do have some after all. Maybe next tomorrow we can order actual food though, maybe even go out to eat?" #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Nose wrinkling playfully she smiled through the tears that stained her cheeks. “Well at the time, I wanted to punish you.” She offered, her voice holding a laugh. “It was a small retaliation.” He wasn’t mad, she could tell that easily, even had she not seen his smile. It had been a very long time since she’d been held. The comfort from such a simple gesture was easily taken for granted. Try living without a kind touch or word for years. It could break you. It had almost broken her. Had their parents not died, it might have. Pushed off his lap gently she shifted to curl up on the couch as he rose. A simple meal, one that he had made her a lot as children. The memory bringing a smile to her lips. Just an hour ago, she would have hated the idea. Things that reminded her of Lucian were not allowed. Now? She welcomed it and watched him from her perch. She was not the only one who had changed. Lucian had aged, grown into his features. His hair was longer, his voice deeper and his face held touches of age. More than age, it had been something more, for now he seemed younger suddenly. Paper plate placed before her, she found four neat little triangles and smiled. Another small detail from their past. Of course he’d remembered. Picking her plate up she balanced it on her thighs and when she sat beside her, her head fell to his shoulder as she lifted one small triangle to her mouth. “I used to look forward to dinner when we had PB and J stuff.” Alexandria said softly, falling silent as she chewed. So many memories locked away slowly opening before her. Mouth pursuing she considered the question. “Can I decide after school?” Lexi wasn’t a stupid girl, but the people at this school? She knew their type. She was from the wrong side of the tracks. Wasn't from money and was only allowed to enroll because of Lucian. How long would it take for that to spread? Kids could be cruel and she wasn’t looking forward to her first day. Shoving the last bit of the triangle in her mouth she gave a small little sigh. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

"Uh huh, it was bad enough making me order from there when you know I don't like spicy food, then you took what I ordered for yourselt. Brat." Still grinning, still happy, making them both some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like he hadn't done in years. He'd expected it to take a lot longer to start to repair their relationship but if this was it, if Alexandria was ready to forgive his absence and be his sister again then he wasn't going to look that gift horse in the mouth. He brought the sandwiches back and rested them on the table, and while she grabbed one he started clearing away the Indian food. It was a waste, something that they'd never have done with their parents but thanks to this job he'd been able to support himself and then some, and now he didn't even have to send half his paycheque to his parents. They could afford a little waste. He smiled at her comment, tying off the bag with the waste food in it and getting up to carry it to the bin, returning to sit beside her just in time for her to lay her head on his shoulder. "So you're saying I should buy more of it then huh? I suppose that's acceptable, we can have PB and J night once a week while you're staying here though really, there are plenty more things you'd enjoy more." He grabbed a sandwich for himself and started eating, chuckling at the familiar taste. She wasn't wrong, they really did bring back good memories. "Yeah, you can decide after your classes." He sat back as he ate, resting his cheek on top of her head affectionately. "Scared? Of starting a new school?" He could definitely understand that, he'd been anxious before teaching his first class and for maybe the first whole month before he settled in. "I know it's hard, it was hard for me too. Scary, but...you're a clever girl. Do your best, and if some of the other students turn out to be assholes then let me know, I'll make sure they regret it." He grinned and turned slightly, kissing the top of her head. "Teachers too, I know I look all civilized now but I'm not above giving a beating if anybody picks on my little sister you know." He'd caught the sigh and was doing his best to make her feel better, make her smile. She probably wouldn't see it but he'd stopped smiling himself, he had a serious look in his eyes now. "You don't have to worry any more, Lexi. Not about food, when you're gonna eat, not about not having anything, I can look after you, I can support both of us easily now that dad isn't getting a cut anymore so if you want something or need something, you tell me. Don't go without just because you're afraid to ask, and the same goes for if anybody says anything they shouldn't to you." He reached for another sandwich. "I know it feels like we don't belong here...that's how I felt at first. Like an imposter...but you have as much right to be here as any of the other students, even the bitches that think they are too good." He grinned playfully. "Oh, and make sure you call me Sir if you're talking to me in the school, I'm your teacher now you know, can't be having you calling me Luci in public. I have a reputation to maintain." He reached around to squeeze her shoulder and hold her to him. "Now, I think it's about time for bed, don't you? One day and it's the weekend, you joined at a lucky time." #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Now that he said it, she felt a little bad about the waste. At the time, she had just wanted to fuck with him. Punish him. But Lexi knew what it was like to go hungry and the fact that she’d made them waste the food? She felt guilty. Though, not at all for stealing his food. Sticking her tongue out at him. “At the time, you deserve it!” She countered. He hadn’t really, but in her mind. Head on his shoulder, Alexandria nodded. “Yea, I think so.” It was comforting and reminded her of a better time for the both. It was also cheap. Which while he didn’t have to worry about money, wasn’t the worst thing in her mind. Being a burden wasn’t high on her list, at least not now. “Maybe,” she hedged when he said there was more things for her to try. Though the hate was behind them, Lexi didn’t feel entirely comfortable in her own skin around him. It was a new place, a new life.. And in a way a new Alexandria. When he laid his head to her own and asked if she was scared, she nodded. “Of school, of the kids..” Her voice was smaller now. Falling silent she just nodded. It was more than being smart. And though he told her to tell him if she was being bullied, there was no way she could. Doing that would only get her harassed further. No. If someone was mean, she’d have to suck it up. Normally she might have punched them, but fucking things up for Lucian wasn’t an option. Looking up at him, she bit her lower lip and nodded slowly. “Okay.” That would be hard for her. Going from nothing to not needing to worry? A small part of her was fighting, saving her last bit of sandwich and squirreling it away for later. Making it last longer because she didn’t know when her neck meal would come. Hugged into him she smiled some and nodded. “Okay.” Rising she took care to wrap up her left overs and put them in the fridge. On her way back though the living room she paused to kiss his cheek. “Night Lucian.” -- It was near two am when the storm hit, waking her from a dead sleep. Half an hour she tried to just let the fear go before tiptoeing from her room to his own. When the door opened, he groaned and said her name. “Storm.” Her voice trembled. She had planned on waiting for an invite to cuddle but when the next strike shook the walls and windows she all but dove into his bed. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian had simply smiled and nodded at her comment. "I know, I deserved it. I never should have left you with them, no matter the threat...but you're safe now...and we are together." He laughed softly and squeezed her shoulder. "I hope you're prepared to have your big brother hovering over your shoulder for the rest of your life, because I'm never going another day without knowing exactly how you're doing. It was torture, not being able to check on you, wondering if you were okay, if you needed me..." He frowned and decided it was time to stop talking...any more and he was going to blow, he could feel his temper rising, a familiar feeling when thinking about their parents and it had taken a lot of effort and practice to push it down to where it was okay to be around people, his colleagues, his students...and not lash out. He held her as she confirmed what he was worried about. A new school was scary at the best of times but now she was coming from a very underprivileged upbringing into a school for the privileged. As much as he wanted to tell her everything would be fine and nobody would be mean to her he knew that was unlikely...teenagers were assholes, mean, immature and selfish and it was something that had been worrying him too. "I mean it. If anybody bullies you, tell me. I promise I'll do my best not to embarrass you or get you into any more trouble with them but I want to know." He gave her a serious look. "If it comes down to it and it's too hard for you to stay here, we will find somewhere else. I like it here...but you come first. You deserve to be happy, Lexi, so we are gonna make that happen." She got up and he watched her put what was left of her sandwich into the fridge...he didn't say anything, he knew what it was like to worry about where your next meal was coming from and it would take some adjustment for her so he let it go and smiled as she kissed his cheek. "Night Lexi, sweet dreams. I love you." It wasn't long before he was in bed himself, naked since that was how he'd grown accustomed to sleeping since he had nobody else living with him before. He'd fallen asleep pretty quickly and he had no idea what time it was when he woke, groggy and mumbling as he heard his name being called. "Lexi, is that you?" He rubbed his eyes and leaned up, his fiery hair no longer tied back and falling down over his face, having to brush it aside with an annoyed grunt. "Storm? Oh..." He heard the tremble in her voice and he remembered now...she'd been terrified of storms when they were younger, she'd always come to cuddle with him when he'd lived there and he felt tears starting to well up at the thought that she'd gone so many years and he hadn't been there...another reason he was never letting her go. Another flash of lightning and she dashed at him, was in bed with him before he knew it and before he could protest or put on clothes. As soon as she was within reach his arm slipped around her and he pulled her to his chest, her head to his shoulder and laid back down with her. "Shhhh, it's okay, I'm here now." He smiled and squeezed her gently. "If the storm comes near you I'll knock it's lights out, remember? Who's scarier, your big brother or a little storm?" He chuckled, keeping her held tight to him as he closed his eyes. ""You're safe, nothing to worry about, not anymore." #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ He meant well, she knew, but telling him when people were mean to her wouldn’t do her any favors. Because it was a matter of when, not if. She didn’t belong here and there were no two ways about that. They would scent it like blood in the water and tear into her the moment they could. It would have been better if they didn’t share a last name, because that too would give them fuel to fuck with her. So Alexandria had smiled some and offered a slight nod, knowing she wouldn’t tell him. Knowing that he’d give up everything he worked for, to keep her safe made her feel cared for in a way she hadn’t in a long time, but it too was not an option. Letting him think she would was the easiest option. Not that she felt great lying to him. These were her last thoughts as she fell asleep. It would be hard, but she’d try her best to fit in. To get good grades. To be invisible. Maybe that wasn’t the best tactic, but it was the one she felt the most comfortable with. Clinging to him, it didn’t dawn on her at first that he was naked, she just needed to be held. Needed to block out the storm as it ranged around them. Curling against his chest, her eyes closed tightly, her smaller form quaked with each thunderous boom. It was his arms, his scent and his voice that grounded her and she tried to focus on them. “You.” Her voice was mumbled against his chest, lips brushing along his skin. “Storms are stupid.” she complained, not for the first time and most certainly not for the last. Sleep came quicker than she had expected being held in his arms. Snuggled close to his warmth, her dreams were fleeting but pleasant nevertheless. At some point they shifted in their sleep and Lexi found herself draped along his body. Ear over his heart, legs on either side of his body. Comfortable and dead to the world. Unlike her brother, once she was truly deeply asleep she was dead to the world. So it meant that as the sun slowly rose and his body reacted to the warmth of a body and nature. One hand curled in his hair, the other resting beside her face. An alarm sounded softly and Alexandria mumbled in her sleep and shifted in protest. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

"Mhhm, storms are stupid." Lucian smiled as he said it, even with the sleepy undertones in his voice and an accompanying yawn, and he pulled her closer to him. Now Lexi was snug against his chest, both beneath the covers and warm and while he was barely awake and not thinking clearly, Lucian knew that he liked it. It was comfy, he liked having somebody to hold anyway and that it was his little sister didn't change that. She was scared, she needed him...that was all that mattered. "Don't worry, safe now, go to sleep." He said it again, still yawning and closed his eyes to let the sleep take him along with it. It didn't take long, just a few minutes and he wouldn't remember any of them in the morning anyway. Sleeping as soundly as ever, maybe even more so, he didn't wake until he heard the alarm starting to sound, the terrible device that stopped him sleeping in late during the week and signaled that he had to get up and shower, ready to teach the classes and a little earlier than most students would be getting up since he had more to do, he had to set up the lessons, last minute grading and changing of plans if necessary and sometimes staff meetings, though those were less common and he didn't expect any today. Without opening his eyes he reached out for the alarm, kept on his bedside table but he couldn't quite reach...that was odd, he normally woke up right next to that edge of the bed and his mind hadn't caught up to what had happened last night so when he reached for the alarm instead his hand fell on bare flesh. Confused but still groggy and unsure of what was going on he reached out again, this time rolling towards it to get more distance and he could feel something in his way, a body he was pressing against, was almost on top of as he reached. Suddenly he realized what was happening and the jolt woke him, his eyes snapped open...he was practically on top of Lexi, half erect like he always was when he woke after a good dream and he knew he was naked beneath the sheets...he didn't dare check to see if she was but a quick glance made it moot...most of the sheets had been kicked off in his sleep and he was fully exposed. His eyes widening he made a grab for the sheets and he pulled back immediately as he remembered last night, the storm, how she'd slipped into his bed for comfort. "L-Lexi can you get that?" He tried not to bring any attention to what had just happened and what she may have seen or felt. "The alarm, I have to get up, shower...get ready for class." He grinned awkwardly. "It's a little early, sorry, you can grab an extra hour if you need to." He stretched and yawned, holding the cover over his lap trying to hide the bulge that for some reason was growing rather than receding but his awkwardness left him as he watched her reach for the alarm...and he saw the scars on her arm. Self harm...that was the best way he could describe what they obviously were and all other thoughts left him as he frowned. "Lexi...those scars...where did they come from? How often have you...done that?" #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ It wasn’t the sound of the alarm that slowly drew her from sleep, it was her brother’s voice, drowsily asking her to turn it off. Shower, class.. The words pulled her from sleep. With a grumble she reached out, fumbling for the alarm, her eyes still closed. She forgot about the thin scars that lined her arms, from wrist up to three inches on each arm. There were more, along her thighs. It snapped her awake and in his arms she stiffened. It had been a coping mechanism. One to deal with fear, pain and a sense of helplessness. Now, it was a way to deal with far more. A flash of sharp pain, the sight of ruby red blood and the sting that lingered calmed Alexandria. Centered her. The ones along her inner thighs had been something darker still.. But he couldn’t see them. Didn’t know that they existed. Biting her lower lip, she said almost too quietly “A razor.” The next question was harder and one she didn’t want to answer. At most, she could last a week. Though often it was every other day and sometimes, if the day was bad, a few times. Alexandria knew she needed to stop. Knew that it wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism. She was addicted to it though. The pain, the rush of endorphins. “You need to get ready for work,” she reminded him, rather than answering his question. Trying to pull away, she found her older brother unwilling to let her go and she gave a frustrated growl. “Lucian.. Not now.. Not today” It was her first day, and Lexi didn’t want to unpack the trauma that had caused her to start or touch on why she still did it. The alarm had stopped beeping, though she’d not hit it. Soon it would scream its alert again, startling them both. #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian frowned. He knew exactly what the marks were, it wasn't like this was something new and unknown to him but this was knew in that it was her. It was Lexi...cutting herself. His heart ached for her, he'd known life with their parents would be anything but easy after he'd left but this was something he hadn't considered, that she'd learn to cope by causing harm to herself. In hindsight it was naive of him...hadn't he found an outlet in something similar? Didn't he go to the next town over once a month on a weekend, hire a motel room and find a girl in a bar who would give him the outlet he wanted? He insisted on consent of course, he wasn't a monster but...he hurt them. If he couldn't find a willing girl he'd hired prostitutes that wouldn't be against his desires, that would let him slap them, spank them, use paddles and canes and other toys designed just to cause pain that he kept hidden in the chest in his wardrobe...hell he didn't even sleep with them always. The act aroused him, that was certain but sometimes he was ashamed of what he was doing and he couldn't bring himself to go further, self-awareness preventing him. Other times...well, he was hung enough that just sex alone could hurt, and he'd learned to use that as just another tool of inflicting pain and discomfort. This was just what she was doing in reverse...he sought pain in others where she was seeking it in herself to get through the same fucked up emotions. Even recognizing that, he knew he had to do something about it. He couldn't let her do this, hurt herself, it wasn't the same as what he was doing...it could cause serious damage and if it escalated...he'd had to fight to stop his own way of coping from escalating out of control and that was dangerous enough but for her it would be far worse, she could do herself irreparable damage. Knowing that, he would have to put a stop to it but that wasn't going to be easy. He felt her body freeze and his arms stayed enclosed around her. He heard her answer, as expected and he felt her trying to pull away which only made him hold on to her tighter. "No, Lexi stop, we will talk about this now, I need to know, I have to..." His voice was strained and as she tried to tell him to get ready for work and struggled again he pulled her back, forcing her back down onto the bed and moving over her this time. Grabbing her wrists he pinned them too the bed, one at either side of her just above where her head lay and he leaned over her to stop her moving, putting his weight on her. His nudity had been completely forgotten, as had the sheet he'd been using to cover himself as all his focus and both his hands were busy keeping her held down. He was gentle, he didn't want to hurt her or bruise her, no...he definitely didn't want that, but he wasn't going to just let her get up and ignore this. "Lexi stop! I'm not mad, okay? I...I understand, I get it, I just need to know how often...you have to stop, you understand that, right?" The strain was still in his voice as he looked down away from her eyes and his gaze fell on her thighs, where more of the same marks lay. He looked back up at her. "I don't care about work, I'll be late or take the day off, we have substitutes for a reason, I care about you, Lexi...you're more important..." He had his own growl in his voice now, slightly undermined by the strain still in it as though he was fighting back a wave of emotion. Any time his emotions were out of control he needed the same thing, and if he was right and she was using this as an outlet then she would need the same and he couldn't leave her alone to let it happen, he couldn't do that, he wouldn't. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Who knew what she expected, because she had never planned to let Lucian see the marks. So when he pulled her back against his bed and moved over her, pinning her arms gently on either side of her body she froze. She knew it was fucked up. Knew it was wrong to cut herself. His weight pinned her to the soft mattress and she gave a growl of frustration. Tears sprang to her eyes and she thrashed a little, not wanting to have this conversation with her brother. It was then she realized he was naked and her cheeks burned as she looked away.. The sheet had been pulled off of her body and the cuts along her thighs could be seen. Oh, she could make him care about something. It was bratty, vindictive and perhaps even a little mean. “What about the fact that you are pinning your baby sister down to your bed, butt-ass naked?” Stop cutting. She’d tried, but the longest she’d gone was half a month. Two fucking weeks. Shame and anger collided within her. His hands lifted from her in shock and the covers were ripped back to cover his nudity. She took that moment of shock to crawl from the bed, falling to the floor and glaring up at him. “You are not my dad, Lucian. I get you love me. You care about me. But stay the fuck out of this.” She’d be a good girl, attend school, get good grades, but asking her to stop cutting in the midst of a drastic life change? It would never happen. She knew it as deeply as she knew that she’d never tell him if the other kids were mean. Rising she looked at him, her eyes narrowed. “Leave it alone, I am serious.” Turning on her heel she matched from his room. Her own door slammed,the locks sliding home as she moved to her bathroom. Back pressed to the cold tile she closed her eyes, tears fighting to spill down her cheeks. The worst port? One little cut would make everything feel so much better… #a077b1

 

[Staine]

Lucian was so determined to get through to her that she couldn't continue to cut herself that he had completely blanked on where they were and the state of his attire, or lack of it. Completely naked was just how he slept, it was a comfort thing, a freedom thing that he'd taken to doing the moment he'd gotten his own place. It had been years since he'd had to wear at least boxer shorts in case somebody just walked into his room...he'd never minded when it had been Lexi and he'd expected it when a storm raged as it had last night, but their parents too had treated privacy as a luxury that he hadn't learned and would frequently invade his space, whether he was in there sleeping or not, to search for any money he would have hidden away or outright steal it from his wallet as well as wake him when they'd needed him to do something for them. Gaining freedom had meant freedom from that too and he hadn't banked on Lexi coming to him on her first night here, hadn't counted on the storm so when he'd pinned her down and his sheets had fallen away, he'd been fully exposed. The moment she spoke he knew what it must look like, he felt the blush and the shame creep into his cheeks and on reflex he let go of her wrists immediately. "Wait, I wasn't...Lexi I'm sorry I wasn't thinking..." He scrambled to grab the sheet again and to cover himself but by the time he'd managed it, she'd slipped out from beneath him and off the bed. The words she spat at him stung as she rose to her feet. "No I'm not your father, I'm not that kind of asshole but I am your guardian Lexi and I...I'm just worried. I love you, I can't just let you hurt yourself like that, please, we can talk about this..." He watched her leave and could hear doors slamming behind her and only then did he feel comfortable dropping the sheet. Getting dressed was his first priority, throwing on some boxer shorts and slacks, a shirt, nothing else, no socks or shoes. Today was meant to be another school day, Lexi's first but she couldn't go like this. He picked up his phone, thought about what he'd tell the principal and then made the call. "Principal Carroway? Yeah, it's Lucian...I'm really sorry but I won't be able to make classes today, I want to help Lexi settle in more, it's been a hard time for her and as her brother and guardian I don't think it's wise to push her straight into class without letting her adjust. Yes, yes, I think she'll be alright for next week, again I'm really sorry about this, I'm grateful you let her join. Thank you Ma'am, I'll be sure to let the substitute know she's needed." Hanging up he made one more call to the on-campus substitute teacher who stood in when anybody couldn't make their classes and then all he had left to do was figure out what to do with Lexi. He approached the door to her bedroom and didn't even try to open it...he expected it to be locked but even if it wasn't he didn't want to take away her privacy like their parents had, it was important she have her own space, he knew that better than anybody. "Lexi...Alexandria..." He raised his voice so she'd be able to hear him but it was calm, he was trying his best to be accepting. "I know what it's like, I know what it's like to need...something, anything to help you get through what they were like, to help you cope but this...I can't let you keep hurting yourself like that, it's dangerous, you know that don't you? I called the principal, I didn't tell her anything just cancelled classes for today, we have to talk about this but I'm not mad, I'm not judging you, I swear, I...I had my own way of dealing, I really do get it but I can't let you do this anymore, I can't lose you Lexi...please...let me help you." Raw emotion poured into those last words, he couldn't let anything happen to her when he'd just gotten her back again. No matter what, he'd find a way to help her stop. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ His voice lifted, trying to be sure that he could be heard. Her back pressed to the door, it was loud in her ears and she closed her eyes tightly, fighting the rising panic. Teeth bit into her lower lip as tears build behind her lids, slipping free slowly. Alexandria knew it wasn’t fucking healthy. Knew it was an issue, that cutting herself, finding blissful surrender in that pain, was wrong. Even now, as the anxiety built, her skin prickled with the need. Would it matter that the cuts were never too deep? That Lexi took care to not to harm herself; hurt was all she craved. Had his own way of dealing with what had been done to them. It wasn’t a surprise, you didn’t come out a fucked up situation magically okay. No, those experiences changed you, shaped you. You learned to deal, in some form or fashion and rolled with the punches. Whatever his way of dealing with it was, she wouldn’t have said shit about it. Yet he wanted to take that from her. Her head bounced against the door and the lock that hadn’t been engaged slid home. Pushing away from the door, she made her way to the bag she hadn’t even unpacked yet. The zipper slid open and she shuffled around for a small tin. It had a picture of the unicorn tapestry on its surface, the bronze edges worn from too many touches. Inside was a packet of straight razors. All new, wrapped in that pristine little white sleeve. Sitting on her bed, her nightgown pooling around her hips she looked at the box in her lap, cradled in soft blue cotton. “Why is your way okay, and mine isn’t Luci?” Her voice was soft, but there was no doubt he heard her. “I don’t cut recklessly or too deep.” A thread in her voice that wavered was defensive. Slowly she picked up a single razor, the pad of her thumb brushing over the blade lightly. It was wickedly sharp and she knew that all she needed to do was press the thin edge to her skin and it would part so easily. Blood would well into the cut and that sting.. Trembling, Alexandria laid the box to the side and laid back on her bed, the blade still held in her fingers loosely. “What do you do, Luci, that is so much better?” Staring at her ceiling, her voice was softer now. “How do you cope with what they did to us? How they fucked us up?” #a077b1

 

[Staine]

She wasn't answering him. It wasn't unexpected, but he had kept talking anyway. Alexandria wasn't stupid, she had to know the risks and the harm, Lucian would be shocked if she hadn't looked up the possible consequences of her actions. Infections, blood disorders, scarring...the latter she already knew, he'd seen the proof of that but the rest...and just one slip could be so dangerous. At least infections were less likely, they could still happen but he was hoping she wasn't desperate enough to be careless with the razors she used, he hoped they were clean, that she sterilized them and cleaned the wounds afterwards but he couldn't be sure of any of that. "Lexi, open the door, let me help you, I...I'm not judging you, you know that don't you? I love you, I just want to make sure you're safe, we can find a way to help, a way to help you stop this just please open the door..." He could hear movement, he knew she could hear him especially with his voice raised and eventually, she spoke back. Why was his method better than hers? Truly, he didn't know quite how to say that it was overall but it didn't bring harm to him, and he'd only ever done it with consenting adults...he was careful, he didn't go too far even when he made them cry it was something they'd wanted, or he'd paid for, and he left no long lasting scars, only temporary marks. No, he knew it was better, he knew that but explaining to her would be difficult. "It's dangerous, Lexi...what if you slipped, what if you slipped and I wasn't here to help you...?" Then...then she asked what he did and he was silent for a few seconds. Telling her wouldn't be easy, he knew she might judge him but wasn't that how she was feeling right now? It wouldn't be fair for him to know how she coped and to hide what he did from her even if he was ashamed of it too...especially if he was ashamed of it too. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Open the door." His tone was a little shaky, softer than before but he knew she would hear him, he'd heard hers. "Open the door and I'll tell you, I promise, Lexi...but not through the door. We face each other...let me face you when I tell you..." He waited a little longer, tried to calm the rising nerves and started to understand more how she must feel. He was feeling this anxious about telling her and he hadn't even done it yet, she'd been discovered, incontrovertible proof found and he'd called her out on it...how she must feel, no wonder she had hidden. It made his heart ache to know she was going through that, he wanted to help but he had no idea how he was going to even start and he was still thinking about that when he heard the lock slide back on the door. He reached for the handle, turned it and slowly pushed it open. Walking in he took in the sight before him immediately, like everything was in slow motion and highlighted like it was a video game, the camera following all the relevant things. The open tin on the bed, the sleeve of blades neatly stacked, the one that was in her hand, between her fingers right now, the way she was trembling. If it was anything like the addiction he felt, the need to hurt then she would be desperate right now, it must be taking a huge amount of strength to resist cutting and yet there was no blood anywhere, no fresh marks that he could see and the blade in her hand was as pristine as the rest. She hadn't done it yet. Slowly he reached for her wrist and his fingers closed around it, gentle yet firm, while his other hand reached for the blade and carefully pried it from her hand. "Don't fight it, I just want to put it away...it's okay, everything will be okay now, I'm here..." He managed to take it from her and released her wrist, walking to the bed, placing it in the tin and closing it up. He was stalling a little, delaying, because he knew this wouldn't be an easy explanation. With the blades put away though, he had no more excuses, no way to stall anymore and he sat down on her bed, looked up at her. "Why do you do it, Lexi? Is it the way it feels? The pain?" It was something that had crossed his mind. "It's the pain for me, I think that part's the same. They fucked us up so badly the only way to deal with it, to cope, to let out those emotions...it's pain, always pain, I just...don't do it to myself." He closed his eyes, he didn't want to see her reaction to this. "I don't need to feel the pain, I need to inflict it...I don't know why it's different for me but it is. I find...girls. In bars, in nightclubs, on fucking craigslist or tinder, hell even prostitutes if I can't find any like that. I don't hide what I want, I'm upfront, they know I want to hurt them, I tell them it's purely sexual, it is sexual...but it's also catharsis. I..." Now that he'd started it was easier to continue, easier to just let it all out and he even opened his eyes though he was blushing at this point, it was impossible not to, this was shameful, made him feel like a monster but to look into her eyes let her know she wasn't alone, he struggled too. "I have things...in my wardrobe. Cuffs to restrain them so they can't fight back, can't stop me, gags to silence them. Paddles, riding crops, other things...even without them I can use my bare hands but I make them helpless, then I hurt them, I listen to them beg, or try to through the rubber ball of the gag, and I ignore it...I hurt them until they cry sometimes and I feel all the stress, all the anger and anxiety leave me...then I...well...it is sexual." He looked away again and let the room fall to empty silence. He didn't know what she'd say...he felt shame just like she had, but he also felt like a monster. An animal...cruel. #a077b1

 

[Bunny]

0:00ㅇ──────── 3:24 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺​ Open the door. That was the last thing she wanted to do. No, Lexi didn’t want to talk about this and asking her to stop was making her feel panicked. It only made the desire worse. No judgement. He loved her. Part of her trusted his words and the other didn’t trust it. It was something so deeply personal, something no one knew and for good reason. It wasn’t like many people could understand the why of it. A way to stop this. It bothered her that he thought she was careless. She wanted a release, but not from the mortal coil. A soft laugh came from behind her door. Slip? She was careful.. So careful. There was one small problem and Alexandria knew it. It was addicting. That rush, that trembling release of pain, worry. Challenging him, frustrated, to tell her what he did. What did Lucian do that was so much better? Their parents had really fucked both of them up, there was no question about that. Open the door and I will tell you. It could have been a trap.. But Lexi wasn’t sure he’d do that to her. Breaking her trust after just regaining it? Lucian hadn’t been like that before.. And she doubted he was now. Minutes passed, three to be exact, before she rose from her bed and opened the door before crossing back to fall against her bed. The razor in her hand was still held in its pristine wrapper and as she bounded against the bed, the little tin clanked lightly. Eyes closing she waited for her door to open. Hearing it, Lexi didn’t open her eyes as he came in. Her hand twitched, that need palpable. She could taste her heartbeat and thought she was resisting, it wasn’t that simple. Just don’t cut. Like it was so simple. Rarely things in life were that simple. When his hand closed over her wrist, her eyes opened slowly, turning to look at him. The panic that showed as he tried to pull the blade from her fingers was obvious with how her pupils dilated. Her fingers tightened and then his soothing voice washed over her. A trembling exhale had her letting go of the blade. Blue eyes watched as he put the blade away and closed the lid. They followed that little box like it was her only lifeline. Only his voice had her dragging her eyes from it. Why did she do it. Closing her eyes, she imagined the feeling and gasped softly before nodding. “Yes.” Her voice was a whisper. It was a part of her soul bared for him and in return, her big brother bared a part of his soul for her. Pain, they both needed it in some form or another. She needed to feel it and Lucian needed to inflict it. He found girls, willing girls, that would let him hurt them. Blush spread along his cheeks. This wasn’t something siblings should talk about, Alexandria knew that. Lucian’s voice died. He hurt them, fucked them. Hurt them till they cried. It was sexual. Even Alexandria understood that bit. She had started shortly after her sweet sixteen.. Her arms first. It had.. It felt so good. Half a year later, it had become both a release, but when it was bad, really bad.. She’d used sex to cope too. Not with others, just herself.. And she knew what it felt like to cum as that sweet pain ate at her nerves. The silence stretched between them and her demand came abruptly. Don’t cut.. Dangerous. “Show me?” Even as she asked, Lexi knew how wrong it was. It was sexual for them both at this point, but if he didn’t want her to cut herself, she’d need another outlet. “You said you’d help.. Please.. Lucian.” #a077b1