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From Gimmick Gamer To Gamer Girl (MsBloom x DarkDreamer9110)

Alice nodded. She remembered he had mentioned his sister Madison during their first conversation and that she was a a fan, or at least a follower. She paused and looked at Sid's face in the mirror again, seeing not only the uncanny resemblance with his sister but also the growing confidence in the lingering smile. Perhaps she should stop referring to Sid as he/him because what she was seeing before her was someone who was growing more and more comfortable with femininity. Separately it might just be minor details, such as the way the way he was holding himself up, his back straighter, as if to enhance the contour of the breast forms, the way a lot of girls did when they wanted to draw attention to their breasts, the way he had crossed his legs, dangling one foot a few inches above the floor, as if it was the most natural thing to do. Even his voice had changed ever so slightly, whether he was aware of it or not, it was now lighter and softer. All together though these details signalled a deeper sense of femininity than what simply make up, a dress and breast forms could give. The Sid that was looking back at her from the mirror was not a boy but a girl, in every sense except for the underlying anatomy.
"So why don't you call her on FaceTime and show her?"
 
Sid knew 100% that whatever he was currently dealing with regarding the strange feelings he had all dressed up was something to be dealt with later, something he was definitely going to explore and try to unpack. He definitely felt ... Different, and not in a bad way. In fact, he felt better than he had in nearly a year, not since ...

Alice's suggestion that he FaceTime Madison was like a pane of glass shattering, and he froze. "That, uh ..." Come on, think of an excuse or something.

"Hey, you know what, I'm gonna go grab you that drink you wanted." He said suddenly, heading for the door and down the stairs. Once in the kitchen, he went to the fridge and dug out a soda for Alice. Just as he stood up and closed the refrigerator door, his mom walked into the kitchen.

The two stared at each other for a second, and Sid blushed. "Hey, Mom."

"Sid? What the ... You look just like ..."

Sid nodded. "Yeah. Sorry. Didn't mean to make you think you'd seen a ghost."

"No, it's fine. So is this for that project for your channel that Alice is helping with?"

"Yeah. Kind of? She wants me to get used to looking like a girl and stuff before we work on getting actual cosplay. I just ... Fuck, this feels weird. Not that I look just like Madison, but ..." He gestured to his whole look. "All of this just feels ... Nice."

"And looking like her, it's not ... Not upsetting you?"

"Not really. It's weird, but like ... I guess it feels like there's a part of her still alive through me." He held up the soda. "Anyways, I need to get back up there and find some excuse why I can't FaceTime my sister on the other side of the country to show her that I look like her."

His mom sighed. "Sid, does Alice know what happened to Madison?"

"No. I ... I couldn't be honest when I talked about her at first. And now it's gonna be weird."

"Sid, just ... If you need to talk about it, or about anything, I'm here."

"I know, Mom." Sid said, then headed upstairs again.

Entering the room, he smiled at Alice, then sighed. "I owe you the truth, for you helping me with all this. I can't FaceTime Madison to show her me looking like this. Not because I'm embarrassed or anything. I'd have absolutely loved to show her. She would have loved it, both me doing something so daring and you of all people helping me. But I actually can't, because ..." He trailed off and sighed again.

"Madison didn't go off to college on the West Coast. She was supposed to. But then ... Madison and I were always close. Like, really close. And she had a boyfriend who ... Didn't like how close we were. He got angry one night when he saw me and Madison going for a walk. He ... He tried to run us down in his car. Tried to run me down. But ... Madison pushed me out of the way and didn't have the chance to get out herself. She, uh, died in my arms waiting for the ambulance."

He glanced over at the image in the mirror. "Seeing her in my reflection, it's ... Reassuring, kind of. Like part of her is still alive through me. Still with me. And that's leaving out all of the other weird feelings right now that seeing my reflection like that is causing. But none of them are bad feelings. Hell, I haven't been able to talk about that night since ... Since it happened, just about. Even acknowledging she's gone ... Well, I mean, I lied about her to you about where she was so I didn't have to talk about it. But now ... I dunno. I feel ... Stronger. More alive. Happy, almost. For the first time since that night."
 
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While Alice waited for Sid to return with the drinks she unpacked the d.VA suit she had worn two halloweens ago from its protective cover and hung it from the curtain rod in front of the window, which revealed that in the wrong light (or the right depending on your intentions) it was quite see through. She then looked around the room a bit, taking in the atmosphere of what was not in any way a typical young man's room. There were subtle but on a closer inspection obvious signs of a feminine touch. It could of course be Sid's mom or sister but Alice had her doubts. This was all Sid himself, herself ... The whole pronoun thing was getting a bit confusing. Sid had made no mention of wanting to be referred to as she/her after having been transformed into a feminine version of himself, nor had he initially hinted at wanting to be referred to as he/him. She would have to ask him ... her ... about it when he ... she got back from the kitchen which was taking a little while longer than expected.

When Sid returned Alice was visually inspecting the video game collection, neatly organised on a shelf next to the top of the line computer. She was just about to ask about pronouns when Sid spoke. Alice listened to the tragic story of why he ... she ... couldn't FaceTime with Madison and chewed on her bottom lip throughout the story, as she usually did when she was unsure how to react to other people's emotions, something she had had to learn the hard way. It was of course easy to conclude that this was something that Sid felt bad about, that it was something that made him ... her ... sad. The real problem wasn't to recognise the emotion but to determine the depth of it and respond accordingly. I'm Sorry would certainly be appropriate but would it be enough. Would a hug be too much. Alice so didn't like hugs, except from a very few special people. She generally didn't like to be touched. Aiko being an exception to that rule and o some extent her mom.

This was of course a problem when it came to dating, or even just having casual sex with someone, which happened but very rarely. Again, Aiko was an exception to this rule. She was about the only person Alice felt comfortable enough being touched by to be able to relax and fully enjoy having sex with, which happened but neither of them had said the G-word. The G-word of course being Girlfriends. Outside of sex their relationship was quite casual and more on an intimate friends level than anything. She bit down a bit harder on her lip as she found herself digressing from the tak at hand which was to determine the proper response to what Sid had just told her about his ... her sister.

"I'm sorry," she said to begin with as she had concluded it to be the very minimum of an appropriate response but after that she was still at a loss.
"I can't imagine how you must feel," she added truthfully as no one she cared about had died and it was almost impossible for her to imagine how she would feel when someone did.
But as sad as Sid must be about his ... her ... sister's tragic death and the fact that he ... she ... was the intended victim he ... she ... also said that seeing himself ... herself ... in the mirror, looking so much like his ... her ... sister made him ... her ... feel stronger, more alive, happy, almost, for the first time since that night. It was confusing because the two emotions were each others' opposites and it took Alice a few seconds to come up with her next response which was perhaps as confusing as the contradicting emotions Sid was expressing.
"I'm happy for you too then."
She bit down on her bottom lip and waited to find out if it had been an appropriate response.
 
Sid nodded at Alice's condolences, giving her a smile. "Thanks." He said. "Yeah. I, uh, so okay, there's been some therapy. But mostly that's been focused on dealing with her loss, and the survivor's guilt, not really talking about ... The events of that night." He said.

He smiled more as she said she was happy for him if the crossdressing was helping him. "Thanks. Yeah, it's weird. Like, yeah, it still hurts, and talking about it is making me feel sad, but, like, I feel ... Like I can handle it better right now." He said.

"But anyways, enough about that. We still have more work to do with the makeup, right? Let's see how hot I wind up looking."
 
Alice nodded to agree with the fact that there was still much work to be done, avoiding to tread further into the mire that was Madison and the "talking about it" that further questions might lead to. It was not a role she would feel comfortable in, at least not in talking about Madison's death. Her life would of course be a different matter but for the moment Alice avoided that topic as well, choosing to focus instead on the task at hand, to complete the illusion of feminization which she did by adding eye-liner, mascara, eye-shadow in carefully chosen colours to match his ... her ... their ... skin tone before trying a few different hairstyles even though she would perhaps have preferred a little more to work with. And then there was of course the still pressing question of Sid's pronoun that still eluded her.
"I have been thinking," she said as she undid a loose ponytail and arranged the hair like a frame around the face and met Sid's eyes in the mirror.
She was unsure of how to bring it up. To simply ask might seem too blunt, a common problem of her's that often led to her getting herself entangled in elaborate and complex explanations and long and winding tangents that at times had very little to do with what she was trying to say or ask.
"You already looked so much like a woman when you went downstairs," she began and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment as if to silence herself before offending him ... her ... them ...
"... and also seemed so comfortable with it that I ..."
She bit her lip again and lowered her eyes, looking down at the hair she was still arranging even though the intended hairstyle had already been achieved.
She let go of it suddenly as if it had burned her fingers and took a step back.
"I mean ... it got me thinking ... about ... ummm ... pronouns ... and names ... because like this ... you are no more male than I am ..."
She shut up and rather than chewing on her bottom lip she was now sucking on it, quite clearly nervous about how her words would be received.
 
It was just as well that Alice also dropped the subject of Madison. While Sid indeed had been able to talk about her somewhat without breaking down, it was still an area he wasn't ready to get into in depth.

Watching the transformation in the mirror as the final touches of makeup were applied, Sid's smile only grew. After they moved on to hairstyles, with Sid providing the occasional feedback, it caught him by surprise when Alice started talking about how she'd been thinking. As she explained further, his surprise and confusion only grew. Had it really been so obvious that he'd genuinely been enjoying the makeover and such?

And then Alice was talking about names and pronouns because of how he was practically a girl right now, and Sid blushed fervently before he opened his mouth to disagree.

"What? I'm not ... I mean, I, uh ... It's not like I, uh ..." He trailed off, looking in the mirror again. His reflection didn't look like a boy at all, and perhaps more importantly, he didn't feel like a boy. Maybe Alice had picked up on the confusion inside him and seen the conclusion he hadn't yet reached himself. He mulled over Alice's assertion that he was no more male than her like this, and found himself nodding.

"I, uh, I dunno. I mean, like this, I guess, well, yeah, I guess I do kind of feel like a girl. So, yeah, uh, when I'm like this, maybe she/her pronouns, I guess? And for a name ... " He ... No, she ... paused, thinking as she stared at the mirror's reflection of herself, pondering a name that fit. And then it struck her.

"Chloe." She said with a satisfied nod. "When I'm dressed up, it's Chloe."
 
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Alice had half expected Sid to either laugh or become upset at the suggestion of not using male pronouns. Half expected to be told to leave for such rudeness but instead, after a few initial feeble objections, she watched as he went through the mental transformation of realisation as she began to see what Alice saw, what she felt from her, the female energies and even as she spoke the name she would prefer to be called while dressed up as a woman, the way she held herself changed a little bit more, as if her brain adjusted itself to the new settings.
"Chloe, lovely name, meaning to bloom, or perhaps fertility, from the same Ancient Greek word, Khloros, from which we get chlorophyll,."
Alice nodded to herself, averted her eyes shyly and bit her bottom lip as she had just shown off the depth of her geekiness.

"Anyhow, Chloe," she said after a few seconds.
"You look absolutely gorgeous, and ..."
She couldn't really explain why she hesitated or why her heart was rushing, why she felt the blood rush to her face.
"... I think that maybe for the rest of the day you should stay as Chloe, let the feeling sink in. I could stay and hang out, as they say. I ... I mean I did schedule the entire day to come here. And we have made a lot more progress much quicker than I expected."
 
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The idea of wanting to use other pronouns would have been laughable to Sid/Chloe just that morning, except maybe in the context of a cosplay (Madison had sometimes gotten really into method acting during a cosplay, even a couple of times as male characters), but with the way she was feeling now, all dressed up and girly, she felt like they fit better. And the same with a different name.

As Alice launched into an explanation of what the newly-chosen name meant, Chloe found herself smiling and nodding. "Really? That's actually ... really cool. Blooming. I didn't realize it was so accurate to ... whatever's going on with me right now. I just thought Chloe sounded like a neat name." She said.

When Alice called her by the newly-chosen name, Chloe felt a surge of joy and happiness stronger even than the ones she had already felt, and that was only amplified as Alice called her gorgeous. She blushed fervently. "Thanks." She said bashfully.

She found herself immediately nodding at the suggestion of spending the rest of the day as Chloe. These new feelings she was experiencing were things she wanted to immerse herself in, to explore this new part of herself blooming, and to see where it all led.

"I'd like that." She said in response to Alice asking about hanging out for the rest of the day. "Maybe you can, well, help me explore this."
 
Alice nodded as Chloe suggested she might help her explore this new self, the more true self that had simply been waiting for the door to crack open ever so slightly before starting to blossom.
"I don't know that there really is that much difference though, except perhaps in posture, voice and I dunno ... really."
Not being the most feminine of women herself Alice had never really given much thought to what the actual differences were between males and females, apart from of course the obvious anatomical differences. There was the over all energy as well, what some might call a person's inner spirit.

True, men were usually acting more confidently, often trying to dominate a situation, mansplaining even the simplest of things, usually without actually having a clue as to what they were talking about but making it seem true and correct simply by asserting their perceived authority as someone having been born with a penis. An authority derived from the far too solid remnants of a patriarchal structure. Sure ... feminism had come a long way in closing the gap between men and women when it came to both political and financial power. Still there had not yet been a female president, not even a female candidate for the presidency, not beyond the primaries anyway. There was, and had been, female political leaders in other countries of course but the majority were still middle-aged white men.

Younger women were often excluded from certain career paths because it was assumed they would one day have children and thus need to be temporarily, if not permanently, replaced while on maternity leave, as if staying at home with a child was the mother's responsibility alone.

"Maybe we could ... I dunno ... do a q'n'a ... Anything you want to know, or are curious about, anything you're wondering about or just want to share about how you feel ... ummm ... different."
 
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