After working closely together for half a year, we formed a friendship of sorts. He makes plenty of jokes, we banter, and we teach each other things we know from our shared trade. We have also coped together through the difficult parts of our jobs that have us close to walking out the door one day. Throughout our time together, we have very obvious boundaries based on work and our personal lives, but we have a pretty good friendship.
Well, he is someone who overshares about a lot of things, from his family, his personal demons to even stupid little gross things. I kind of envy how open and honest he is, although he should really learn to balance it some. His openness drew me in, and after knowing me for months, he told me that he still couldn't figure me out and that he could tell there was a lot more to me; there were too many blanks. So, here and there, I started to be a bit more
open. Then I started to fall into my old patterns of
oversharing once I knew someone was
listening. While there is plenty I didn't tell him, I told him more than enough. For some sensitive topics, I spoke...
objectively, making it clear I was merely expressing myself, not trying to make an inappropriate move or get pity. Honestly, the bit I told him made me feel really
nice. So, I'd tell him more here and there while he shared more depth with me. However, what came next I wasn't prepared for.
It turned out that he was wearing a mask too. I found that I do not like his true colors, and I don't know how to handle them. I'm trying to put out the fires I started, but he wants everything around us to
burn. The compassion he had for me seemed to disappear, to be replaced with
delusion and growing
lust at an alarming rate. I reminded him that I was speaking
objectively and that I saw him as a
friend.
He doesn't care (do they fucking ever?). He is willing to risk
everything to have me. Him finding any way to try to
touch me playfully or 'accidentally' while making
'jokes' about going in the backroom together.
"Are you some kind of witch? I'm wildly attracted to you.
This has to be some fucked-up voodoo. I've never felt like this before..."
"I didn't do anything!
I was talking to you as a friend who wanted to speak freely.
I wasn't trying to start all this!"
His true colors were blazing the moment I came in the other day. He became manic and kept telling me to stay away from him since he wanted me too badly. Yet, moments later, I'd be called into his office.
"You should take off your pants."
"Not gonna happen, idiot."
While I'm an attractive enough woman to have felt plenty of male gazes on me, I
never felt someone so shamelessly and intensely look at me. I never felt like such a piece of
meat. It was actually really gross, more than I ever thought it would be since it wasn't just a moment, but all fucking day. He did not hide the fact that every time we crossed, he was
eye-fucking me.
I bluntly told him to
stop looking at me like some
pathetic, horny teenager, but he said he didn't care. He told me how badly he wanted to
split me open and ruin me. Stunned by his words, I snapped back at him, but he was
not deterred.
I had even told him, that was not the way to woo me, and he said he
didn't care again, as if
nothing was going to stop him now. A man on a mission, I could sense how
intense the energy was. I was being seen as
prey to a degree that had me rather
concerned. He was
desperate for me. This was getting
too dangerous, especially for someone I do not have mutual feelings for. I was sad to see that I lost another friend to
madness, but for my own safety, I had to flip the script and regain control.
I did, but
fuck... how did he manage to make this worse?
Long story short, if pushed, I can now intimidate him and have him say,
'Yes ma'am', but his feelings for me are now expanding
beyond lust. He started to follow me around, revealing his deepest secrets to me unprovoked. These secrets made me even
less attracted to him; he seemed to like to be emasculated, which.. isn't my
thing by a long shot. He also revealed how bat-shit crazy he was (not in a fun way). He had grown too comfortable while my defenses strengthened. He was taking advantage of the fact that I'm pretty open to expression since I know what it is like to hold back. Again, I had to keep my own truths under lock and key while others could ramble away, trusting I wouldn't spread their secrets or judge them too harshly. I'm good at both, but this scenario with me wasn't helping his case. It had helped me see that I needed to distance myself even
more.
Well, to make matters worse... he started to casually throw around the word '
love' the other day, and I wanted to
vomit.
"Man, falling in love drives me crazy."
I'm a rather
love-repulsed woman. I'm all for compassion and friendship, but
love... well, just look at my journal entries; I'm pretty sure anyone can get a general sense. I decided to reveal that love is a very triggering topic to me, and he had his own family to worry about... A day later I got a call:
"I woke up in the middle of the night and thought you were at my side."
"You... what...?"
"Love you, miss you, goodbye!"
"WHA-?"
[Call Ended]
I then get a few lust-fueled texts where I basically ignore him or tell him to fuck off. He is willing to risk so much, all while I'm giving him the cold shoulder and trying to tell him again and again that he needs to take a step back. I do miss him as a friend, but I don't think it is possible to go back to our innocent banter. He went
0 to 100 on me.
When we had our friendship under control, perhaps I was developing an
innocent kinda crush on him. It was nothing I wanted to get too wrapped up in especially given my history and our situations, but those warm feelings went out the door. He showed me he struggles with self-control and revealed desires that do not mesh with mine at all, the biggest being how quickly I can turn him
submissive. Yet, I cannot control his growing
obsession with me or his instability.
It is rare that I can have a normal friendship with a male without them losing it, I swear... Also, I tend to attract men who
aren't my type, so I should have assumed.
So, that is my vent. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I need a new job for several reasons, and this is adding to it.
