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Miles To Go Before I Sleep ... (DarkDreamer9110 x MsBloom)

1990

Their lips had barely touched and only for fragments of a second but still the kiss sent shivers all through Jules' body. Every nerve tingled with excitement. What Allie didn't know, and Jules certainly wasn't going to tell her, was that it had been her first kiss, ever, from a girl and as short and chaste as it had been it was the most amazing feeling she had ever experienced. She stood there almost paralysed just looking at Allie without really seeing her for quite a while, clutching the stone in her hand. Then she slowly nodded and almost as if in a haze dropped the stone into Allie's hand. It was only for twenty four hours but even if it had been for longer it would have been worth it.


Present

"Listen Al," Julia said and looked from the stone to her friend's face, her first girlfriend's face.
"Dinner won't be ready for quite a few hours yet. I have some more work to do but you can use my office to call your husband and whomever else you need to call. It's only fair that you let them know where you are and why you might not be back home for a while."
She then placed the stone back in Allie's hand and closed the hand around the stone.
"Here. You keep it until I've said yes to driving across the country with you. I have a few conversations to have myself before we start planning anything."
She then gave Allie a very chaste kiss on the cheek and left the office, closing the door behind her to give Allie as much privacy as possible. Now all she had to do was think of a way to explain it all to Adele. Nell wouldn't be as bad but Adele just might get jealous if she were to suddenly pack a bag and set off on a road trip with her first love because of a promise made thirty years ago.
 
1990

Allie nodded, pocketing the stone, dazed a little herself about what she'd just done. It had been brief, but she found herself wanting more. She smirked. "Meet me at the creek tomorrow, and you'll get it back." She agreed. With that, she fled, blushing furiously.

Present

Pocketing the stone, Allie smiled and nodded. "Okay." She agreed.

Alone, she dialed Robert's number and waited. It wasn't long before he answered with a "Goddammit, Allie, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Robert, how about you shut the fuck up and listen to me before you get angry? I ... look, there's unfinished business I have here in Boston. An old friend I made a promise to a long time ago. I owe it to them to make good on that. I'll be back in a few weeks, okay? But right now ... right now I need to fix an old mistake."

"What? Allie, that's bullshit! We need you back here. I need you. Your kids need you. Some old friend you've never seen fit to mention, they don't need you!"

"I need this, Robert. I need to do this so I can go ahead and find peace. Before I'm stuck in a hospital bed wasting away and waiting for the end. This isn't about you. This is about me doing something I need to do. So don't you fucking dare try to guilt me into giving this up. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Are you fucking him?"

"Jesus, Robert, I am not fucking her. She's just an old friend."

The next few calls went better. Her older kids were all fairly understanding. Marco took some convincing to come around, and Briana was barely at the age to really comprehend the situation. The hard part with the two youngest kids was explaining why she was leaving them for so long on such short notice over the issue.
 
Presen:

Julia had taken her lap top out onto the balcony after having grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She tried to work but rather than focusing on the edits she was supposed to do her mind kept going back to that summer thirty years ago. She had started writing that story so many times before, once she had even managed five chapters, but every time she tried she got stuck on the ending. It was such a painful end and from any narrative perspective completely pointless. Perhaps now was the time, perhaps this was the end, the plot twist, the story needed to become more than simple nostalgia.


1990:

Jules had walked on clouds most of the day. First she had gone for a walk down along the creek with her hands in her pockets whistling and then sat down to draw and had drawn portrait after portrait of Allie as she remembered her. She did some full body studies as well. She even attempted an imagined nude but got distracted when drawing Allie's perfectly shaped breasts, at least they were in Jules' imagination. She had barely had any appetite, just picked at her fries at dinner and didn't fall asleep until long after midnight.


Present:

She had been quite good at drawing back then and some of her first stories had been graphic short stories, some of which had been fairly explicitly erotic and in some cases based around the summer with Allie but never capturing the full tale of that summer. In some of them she had drawn the protagonist as a young man the way she had imagined herself had she had a male body. In some of them the young man had sex with other men but in most of them it was a young woman who very much resembled Allie. That was also the case when the protagonist was a woman. Many of those graphic short-stories had been published in a collective volume some years after her debut collection of short stories came out.

After she had returned to the kitchen and assembled the lasagna with a thick layer of grated mozzarella on top she decided that perhaps she should take the bull by the horns and call her wife.
"So," Adele said trying her hardest not to sound angry or sarcastic.
"The infamous Allie returns after thirty years with an apology and an offer to finally keep the promise she broke along with your heart?"
"She's terminal and wants to make amends," Julia countered.
"Are you saying I should deny a dying woman her last request and tell her to go fuck herself for being a confused teenager in a small rural town who lacked the confidence to stand up for who she was?"
She had been prepared for Adele's response and managed to not make her reply sound like an accusation.
"C'mon Addie. You if anyone should understand what it must have been like for her."
"Yea but I made it out of backwater shitsville, Kansas rather than conforming to stupid hetero-normative social expectations."
"And was disowned by your family in the process," Jules argued.
"That's their loss," Adele retorted and from there it was all a downward spiral of jealousy and previous arguments resurfacing which went on for a good hour before Julia had finally had enough.
She told her wife in no uncertain terms that she was going on the road trip no matter what and if Adele found that to be grounds for divorce then so be it. She wasn't going to refuse a dying friend the chance to make amends for a broken promise, even if it was thirty years ago since last they met.

She almost threw the phone onto the kitchen table and hid her face in her hands. She did love her wife. She did but sometimes she was just too much, too jealous.
"Hey mum. You ok?"
She hadn't heard Nell come home.
"And who is that talking in your office? The surprise company?"
Jules nodded and rubbed her eyes. She had been on the verge of starting to cry when Nell had interrupted her.
"Must be someone really special since you've made your over the top lasagna."
Again Jules nodded and asked if Nell wouldn't mind helping her make the salad and wait with the third degree for a while longer.
 
Allie had little idea of the current issues her presence was threatening to cause for Jules' marriage, currently trying to keep her own family from imploding because of her actions. It especially hurt when Robert had sent her a text after she had finally hung up on him telling her that she had a month to settle whatever the issue was before he would file for divorce.

Emerging from the office, she headed towards the kitchen to see if maybe she could help, muttering as she did so about how fucked it was to threaten to divorce a dying person.
 
"And here is the ray of sunshine for whom we are preparing this magnificent feast," Julia said when she heard Allie's muttering as she entered the kitchen.
She then walked up to her and gave her a comforting hug.
"That bad huh?" she whispered into her ear.
She then gave her another peck on the cheek and turned towards her daughter.
"So Nell, this is ... wait for the drum roll ... You may know her from endless stories of first loves, broken hearts and smooth white stones, the mutual shareholder of aforementioned stone ..."
Jules mimicked a drum roll and winked at her daughter.
"Allie ... Allie this is my daughter Nell who is such a good girl that she cancels dinner with her boyfriend just to rush home and meet whatever random company might have fallen into her dear mum's lap."
She then leaned inn close to Allie and told her not to worry.
"I left out all the juicy parts and the more daring dares."
 
"We have a month." Allie replied. "A month to settle this and for me to come home before he tries it."

She chuckled at the over-the-top introduction, giving a bow and playing along. "Greetings and salutations, Nell." She said with a smile. "It's good to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances. I unfortunately am not long for this world. I came here to make amends with your mom before the end."
 
"A month huh?" Jules looked at Allie and tilted her head to the side.
"It might not be the entire summer as we planned it thirty years ago but still plenty of time to zig zag across the country, Florida, Chicago, New Orleans, Mount Rushmore, Houston, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Seattle, San Fransisco, Los Angeles, up and down through the mid west and the deserts. Who knows we might even hav time for a quick detour into Mexico."
Her voice grew a bit more excited as she listed all the places they had talked about thirty years ago and then she looked down at the floor and bit her bottom lip.
"Assuming Adele ..." she didn't finish the rhetorical assumption but shrugged instead.
"You're not the only one who might be facing divorce if we go."

Nell stopped slicing tomatoes and looked at the two of them curiously. She knew enough of the story about That Summer, at least the way it had eventually ended.


April 1991:

Almost a year had gone by since Jules first met the love of her life. The one person in the world she wanted to spend her entire life with. At that time Jules had come out to her aunt, her parents and a select group of friends and had also started to identify more and more as male rather than female. The latter was being received with much less understanding and acceptance than the former even if her mother had made clear that she wasn't happy about it. Her aunt was proud of her and some of the kids at school suddenly thought she was cool while others thought she was disgusting and some girls had even demanded that she didn't use the same locker room as they did for PE because they didn't want her staring at them in the showers.

All of that was hard enough to deal with as it was without the letter that arrived two days before the end of April. It was from Allie and as usual when Jules got a letter from Allie she rushed to her room, opened it carefully and read it before she did anything else. The letter was short, to the point and utterly devastating.

I'm sorry Jules. I just can't do it. I've got a boyfriend now. I'm so so sorry.

Jules didn't stop crying until the middle of May.


It was a story Nell had heard so many times, every time a boy had broken her heart, every time her mum had ended a relationship with the words: Still not as bad as Allie.
But looking at them now thirty years later, together, in the same room, talking about making the trip they once planned; it was enough to make a heart melt.
"Pardon the french Mum but screw Adele, and your husband as well," Nell said to her mum and Allie in turn.
"You both know that if you don't do this you will regret it for the rest of your lives, as long as that might be."
She turned and continued slicing tomatoes.
"And besides one broken heart story of that magnitude is more than enough. I doubt I could listen to the second cancellation of the grand tour from coast to coast for the next thirty years," she said with a hint of playful sarcasm to her tone.
 
Present

Allie had come to regret the letter she'd sent Jules that spring, especially since the boyfriend hadn't lasted much past the beginning of college. Allie had thought about reaching out again, trying to see if Jules was still up for it the next summer. But then, after a few more brief relationships with both men and women, she'd met Robert and they'd fallen in love, and things had gone from there. And eventually Jules was little more than a fond memory and a pile of regret. She'd never mentioned Jules to Robert, never liked thinking about that failure.

She nodded. "I've spent thirty years regretting it. And I regret not reaching out the next summer, after my freshman year of college; I was single again by then. And ilt's not like it makes a difference whether he divorces me or not. I mean, I'm dead in less than a year anyways. All a divorce does is show he's a petty little shit." She said. "Let's wait. Let me talk to Adele. Maybe I can convince her not to leave you over showing a dying friend some compassion and fulfilling my last request."

1990

The next day, 24 hours later, Allie was waiting at the creek for Jules to return the stone to her. When the other girl finally showed up, though, Allie smirked, holding the stone back. "I'm altering the agreement. " she said. "I ... that kiss yesterday, it felt good. I want you to kiss me. I want you to really kiss me."
 
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Present:

Nell lifted an eyebrow at the two women as she started to set the table for three.
"Now there's a conversation I wouldn't want to miss for all the fish in the sea."
She chuckled and nodded fully aware that she would at best get the play by play after the fact but she knew her step mum far too well to have any high hopes.
"Well. She didn't actually say it out loud. It was actually me telling her that I was going on the trip no matter what she thought about it and if she found that to be grounds for divorce then so be it," Julia explained and smiled awkwardly.
"But maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world if you were to talk to Addie and if you want to I can talk to your husband and explain that he needs to give you what time you need to settle your past mistakes."
The moment she said it she knew that wouldn't be a good idea because he would probably want to know what was so special about her for his wife to run off without a word to keep a thirty year old promise and she had no idea what she would say to that. She also realised that perhaps it wasn't the worst idea to let Allie talk to her wife but it wasn't the best idea either. Adele knew enough about Allie to put two and two together. She also realised that now that she had said it out loud, that she would go on the road trip with Allie, that she would end up cheating on her wife sooner or later. There was no way she'd be able to spend a whole month with Allie without anything happening between them. Still. It would be worth it. It was Allie and she was back, no matter how little time they might have together.


Jules heart skipped two or three beats only to then make up for it by beating double time when she saw Allie waiting at the spot where they had first met. Her body tingled and it almost felt as if a fever was about to break out.
Altering the agreement? What did she mean and then Jules blushed when Allie explained.
"Oh ... ummm ... Ok ..."
Not sure exactly how to go about the task set for getting the stone back she moved closer until she could feel Allie's breasts against her own. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and leaning in to close the last few inches between their lips. As their lips did touch she lifted her hands to Allie's waist and actually moaned into the kiss. It just felt so amazing.
 
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As soon as Jules suggested the idea of talking to Robert as well, the idiocy of the idea of her talking to Adele presented itself. "I, uh, yeah, that's not a good idea. And neither was mine. Forget it."

This whole thing was fucked. Allie realized now that there was no question what this stunt was, what the trip would become: an excuse to cheat on their spouses, to have a fling. And while she didn't have to worry too much about the fallout ...

"I should go. We should forget this whole thing. Just ... forget I ever showed up, okay? I can't ask you to risk your marriage, your happy life, for this. It's not fair of me. I never should have come."
1990

The feel of Jules pressed into her, and then their lips together, got a surprising flutter from deep in Allie's stomach, and she wrapped her arms around Jules in turn, pulled her close. When they separated, she sighed.

"I, uh, wow."
 
Present:

Nell looked from her mum to Allie and shook her head as she sat down in her usual place. It was quite clear that she meant that she disagreed with Allie's last remarks that she shouldn't have come.
"No," Jules said.
"We're doing this. I've been dreaming of this trip for thirty years and if you're in any doubt just ask Nell how many of my partners, long term or short, that have ever measured up to what you and I shared that summer."
Nell scoffed and looked up at her mum and Allie again.
"Addie comes closest but even she wouldn't be able to bite you in the ass without standing on her toes," she said and chuckled.
"Y'know mum almost bought a summer house in Manchester, Vermont when she got her first big paycheck for Straw Man, just because, y'know, hoping you still lived there and I'm sure you can imagine the rest."
That had been when Nell was only five and it had been the first time Jules had mentioned Allie to her.
"But then she talked herself out of it for some reason, probably because no matter how much she wanted you again she still hadn't forgiven you and was afraid you would hurt her again. I dunno, but I do know that if you leave and go back to wherever you live now she will get in her car and follow you. If she has to she will probably kidnap you."
She smiled at Allie and then looked back at her mum.

Jules' face was beet red but she was smiling from ear to ear imagining chasing after Allie, both of them upset and emotional, probably crying as well, and then catching up with her, overtaking her car and abducting her. She nodded.
"Seems plausible," she agreed.
"Perhaps you coming here was a bad idea and probably a little selfish of you since you won't be facing the consequences for very long regardless of what happens but do you honestly think I'm about to let you go now that you're here? Sure. I may not have completely forgiven you for what you did back then but I am sure as hell not going to let you leave without giving us a chance for closure."
She sat down at her regular seat and nodded to the chair next to Nell as a signal for Allie to sit down.
"And that's just as much for myself as it is for you. I just can't let you leave to die without closure. We both want this and we both need this."
She carved a large piece of Lasagna and placed it on Allie's plate and then plated up for Nell and herself as well.
"After dinner you can of course still leave if you still think it is for the best but well ..."
She nodded at Nell who turned to Allie and nodded as well.

1990:

The entire kiss probably didn't last more than a few seconds but it felt like it would never end. Jules didn't want it to end and when it did she wasn't even sure who had ended it. In fact she was barely sure it had actually happened outside of her own imagination. It just seemed too good to be true, that this girl, this stunningly beautiful girl had asked to be kissed, really kissed, by her. The touch and then the embrace pulling them close enough for their hips to touch had sent a heat into her crotch and a kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttered in her stomach.
"Uhuh ... WOW indeed," she said and then started to giggle happily.
 
"You're right. I've got nothing left to lose. You do. Don't throw a good thing away because of me." Allie insisted. "I just ... here I am, fucking shit up again. I never should have waited so long. That boyfriend I had? Didn't last past the first semester of college. I ... thought about reaching out after that, wanted to see if you'd be up for it the next summer, but I ... I hesitated. And then I had a few flings, and then I met Robert ... and the window to reach out closed when we became serious." She said softly. "I ... look, I'm not worth destroying your marriage over. Maybe we can get some closure just talking. And then I can walk away and ... I don't plan to let the cancer finish me. I'm going to go out on my terms."
1990

Allie smiled as she handed the stone over. "Yeah, uh, that ... I ... well, I really liked that. But ... you're a girl. I'm ... not supposed to like girls, I think. I mean, boys like girls and girls like boys and that's that ... isn't it?"
 
Present:

Jules added some of the salad to her plate but didn't really touch it. She just sat there listening to Allie talk, looking at her, and she realised that a large part of why she had called Nell back home for dinner was to keep herself from throwing herself at the girl she had never stopped loving now all grown into a still beautiful woman. Was she right? Was she not worth throwing away five years of marriage over? Would they perhaps find closure somehow through talking? Somehow Jules doubted it. She poured them each a glass of wine and picked apart her Lasagna.

The silence that followed Allie's conclusion was dense enough that you could cut it with a knife but had little to do with the conclusion itself but rather with the fact that Jules wanted to be there to hold Allie's hand all through the last months of her life, regardless of the cost. She did love Adèle, she did, but as Nell had suggested no one had ever managed to measure up to Allie and up to that moment Jules had somehow managed to convince herself that it was because of all the things Allie represented, all the firsts and the brevity of their relationship. It had barely lasted a full month but it had been a formative month, at least it had been for her. But now she realised that it was so much more.

Lost in reveries about what might have evolved had Allie not broken her promise Jules took the first bite of her dinner and nodded pensively. All she wanted to do right at that moment was to kiss Allie, just grab the back of her head and pull her in close, kiss those lips that had set her own lips on fire all those years ago. She was sure that it would be a very strong argument for Allie to stay and do the road trip.
"Isn't that really up to me to decide whether or not you're worth breaking up my marriage over," she eventually said to break the silence around the table ad reached over to touch Allie's hand.
"Y'know I've never told Adèle I still have the stone, probably because it represents the one thing she can never compete with, you."

1990:

Jules took the stone and almost touched it to her face as if to make sure it was unharmed. She was in a daze of bliss but it only lasted until Allie started to rant nervously about not being supposed to like girls.
"I dunno," she said when Allie concluded with a seemingly rhetorical question.
"I've never really liked boys," she admitted and scraped the ground with her shoe.
"And ... ummm ... I don't really feel like a girl either ... at least not all the time ... I mean I ... ummm, y'know ... have all the parts ..." she said nervously wondering if perhaps that was it, one real kiss and that would be the end of it.
"Well mostly anyway," she added referring to her lack of breasts.
Everyone around her said that they'd soon start to grow. It took a while longer for some girls to fully develop while others had c cups when they started high school. Jules really didn't really care. She was happy the way she was.
"But ..."
She breathed in sharply and blinked.
"Sometimes I wish I had boy parts instead ... just not ... y'know, all the time."
She wasn't making any sense, at least that was what she thought. It was all quite confusing to her.

She took out a cigarette and put it between her lips, lit it and took a deep drag, letting the smoke out slowly.
"I'll give you the stone back if you can pretend I'm a boy for a whole day and like me as if I were?" she said nervously and bit her bottom lip.
She had no idea what she expected of that day. She was really just trying desperately to hold on to Allie, to be given a chance to kiss her again and be kissed by her. They had after all both liked the kisses they had shared so far and that should count for something, shouldn't it.
 
Present:

"I can't stop you from making that decision, Jules, but I ... if this does ruin your marriage, after ... after I'm gone, don't be afraid to love again, okay? I don't want you to sacrifice a life of happiness for the sake of a few weeks of completing a bucket list. Don't make me an anchor." Allie said with a wan smile. She stroked Jules' hand, sighing.

"It's not fair to Adele." She said after a few moments, her voice going cold. "It's not fair that I'm coming back in and stealing you from the woman who actually did what I couldn't do: commit to a relationship with you. I ... look, I betrayed you, Jules. I broke a promise that meant the world because I was a coward. If I couldn't just commit to a fucking road trip because I got scared of admitting that I loved you to the world, what's to say I would have been able to commit to spending my life with you? Adele at least managed to do that. And now I'm here and we both know that there's no question where this will go. I ... you deserve her more than I deserve you. And she deserves better than to have her wife stolen by an idiot ex."

She pulled the stone from her pocket, setting it on the table.

"But it's your choice. I can't make you do one thing or the other. There's no obligation for you to do this."

1990

Jules' words, the strange admission of not really liking boys and then the utterly alien (to Allie) concept of wanting to be a boy sometimes, were not what Allie had expected, and it showed in her confused expression.

And then Jules laid out her terms for transferring the stone, and Allie cocked her head to the side in confusion, "Huh? How would I do that? I mean, like, how would I treat you like a boy?"
 
Jules nodded. She could easily understand Allie's hesitations and objections.
"Maybe you did betray me back then, and there were times over the next few years that I simply hated the fact that I still loved you too much to truly hate you for it but even though you were afraid to commit then, afraid of what your family, your friends, might think about you loving a girl, and on top of that a girl who wasn't entirely sure she wasn't a boy, you're here now."
Jules smiled and went quiet for a while.
Allie was of course perfectly right that this was very unfair to Adele, especially since she had no idea about how important Allie was to Jules, even now thirty years later but was love ever truly fair? Was it any more fair to Allie's husband that she had made this trip with the intention of finally committing and spending what might be the last few weeks, or months with someone she had been afraid to admit she loved thirty years ago but had never truly stopped loving? It was not. Julia told Allie this and concluded that while Allie wouldn't have to live with the lost opportunity for that much longer he herself would have to live with it the rest of her life without the possibility for a third chance at the road trip that might have cemented their relationship back in 1991, or possibly still ended up being just a two summers long fling, and That, she stressed, would most certainly be to sacrifice a life of happiness.
"And whatever else you might be," she added.
"You are no idiot ex. You are a terminally ill woman wanting to make amends for having been a scared teenager, and I also think you want to find out what your life might have been had you been brave enough to take the risk."

She sat there looking at the stone as Allie placed it between them. The silence that filled the kitchen was thick enough to cut with a knife.
"I'll clear the table then," Nell said to deaf ears in an attempt to break the tension.
She started with her own plate and when the table was clear she poured more wine for the two women locked in their own bubble of reality. The next to break the silence was Julia.
"No," she said and shook her head.
"I can't let my marriage stand in the way of happiness. I have to do this. We'll leave at first light tomorrow."
She then leaned across the table and did what she had been yearning to do since they got back to the apartment. She kissed Allie and whether either of the two women noticed it or not there was a subtle noise of approval coming from the sink where Nell had pretended to busy herself with putting the dishes into the dishwasher.


1990

"I ... uh ... I dunno but like if you pretend I'm a boy then maybe it wouldn't feel so weird to kiss me again," Jules said hesitantly and bit her lip.
"And I dunno, there are other thing we could do, maybe ..."
She stopped herself realising that anything beyond kissing and her maybe groping Allie there wasn't that much more they could actually do. At least not if the illusion was to remain intact.
"I mean ... uh ... forget it. It was a stupid idea," she said and blushed.
"I just thought that maybe it would be easier for you to like me the way I think you want to like me if you didn't think of me a a girl."
Jules was rambling and at the same time all she wanted to do was to kiss Allie again, or perhaps for Allie to kiss her.
 
Present

Allie nodded as Jules pointed out that she would still be left behind having to deal with the consequences of losing this chance. She was about to speak when Jules leaned forward and kissed her. Allie nearly recoiled in shock, but then her hands moved, one to Jules' back and the other to the back of her head, pulling her in and smiling against her lips. When she finally pulled back, she sighed. "This is ... so, first light, huh? Not even going to give Adele the chance to say goodbye in person before you run off to have a torrid affair for a month? You really don't care if this destroys your marriage, do you?"
1990

Allie shook her head, smiling warmly as she reached out to grab Jules' hand. "No, it's a good idea. I just ... well ... I don't really know how to have a boyfriend, either. But ..." she frowned, thinking. "So, uh, I think, well, maybe ... pull your hair up, put on a baseball cap, and you might look more like a boy." She said. "Enough to, uh, make pretending easier."
Present

The memory of that situation, the agreement to pretend Jules was a boy, brought a smile to Allie's lips. "Hey, I, uh, I should probably thank you. It ... well, after meeting you, after that summer, I, well, I started looking into things about different gender identities and sexualities, and, well, that made things ... Katherine, my middle child, she's actually the only one in my family who knew about you, at least before today, although I didn't tell her the full nature of our relationship beyond being friends, but, well, I told her about you because, when she was about 10, she was having some problems with depression and suicidal thoughts, and when I asked what was wrong, she said, 'Mom, would you still love me if I wasn't your son? If I said I thought I was supposed to be a girl?' She was ... worried that something was wrong with that. So I sat her down and told her I'd met an amazing young person when I was a teenager who had been born with female parts who felt like a boy sometimes and that there was nothing wrong with it. I told her that, if she felt like she was a girl, I'd still love her and support her and do everything I could to support her. So I got her into therapy, and I helped her come out to the rest of the family, and, well, the rest is history. I ... I don't think I would have handled it so well if you hadn't opened my eyes to things like that. So thank you. Because of that summer, my daughter is alive and thriving as her authentic self."
 
Present:

"First light," Jules concluded with a nod.
"Not to rain on your little love fest here Mom but I've put everything in the dishwasher and the leftovers in the fridge. It's still early and I was thinking I could head over to Laurence for ... ummm ... dessert," Nell said drawing attention to herself.
"Unless of course I need to chaperone the two of you," she added with a wink.
"No. We'll be fine. Say hi to him for me."

A few moments later the two women sitting across from one another at the kitchen table heard the front door open and close. They were alone and if Julia was perfectly honest with herself she didn't know what she wanted to do. Of course she wanted to kiss Allie again, and more, wanted them to sleep together in the guest room but that would have to wait. First she poured them each some more wine and listened to Allie talking about her trans-gendered daughter with a smile on her face. It was good to hear that Allie had told her about her and how she too had been a gender-confused teen and that it was alright.
"That's amazing Allie. She's lucky to have you as her mother. My parents weren't as supportive even if my aunt Jane was. It was her I eventually ended up living with, all through college until I met Nell's dad and moved to my own place. They just never understood I think. They still don't really but they've learned to accept what they don't understand. It was either that or they'd have no contact with Nell."
Jules hesitated a little before leaning over to kiss Allie again.
"Ok, so first things first. You'll help me pack and we'll bring everything down to the car tonight so we can just get up, put on clothes and go in the morning."

1990

Jules nodded and dug into her bag pulling out a Red Sox baseball cap. She quickly puled her hair into a knot and put it on.
"Like this," she asked making her voice a little bit deeper than it usually was and stepped close to Allie again, leaning in for their third kiss.
 
Present
Allie nodded. "My parents ... let's just say it was a long time before I told them. Maybe once upon a time I planned to tell them I was bisexual sooner, but, well, eventually, after I married Robert, it just seemed ... pointless to say 'hey, Mom and Dad, I could have ended up with a woman.'" She said, shrugging. "And then Katherine came out, and my dad was an asshole to her about it while my my mom questioned my ability to be a parent if I wasn't "squashing that perverse behavior." So I told them I didn't want my daughter to feel she had to hide who she was from me like I'd had to hide being bisexual from them. And then Robert and I threw them out and told them to fuck off. They eventually learned they could still be a part of our lives as long as they kept their fucking mouths shut about their outdated and unhealthy views."

A nod. "Alright. We can get that done." She agreed.


1990

Looking at Jules, with her hair hidden and her voice slightly deeper, Allie smiled, leaning in to kiss the other teen. "That works." She said, parting the kiss briefly before kissing her again.
 
1990:

The first kiss was a nice validation that the minimal change to her appearance Jules had made with the baseball cap was enough for Allie to accept her as a boy even without the vocal confirmation that it worked. The second kiss ... holy mother ... it was so good Jules never wanted it to end. She ... he ... wrapped his arms around Allie's waist and pulled her close, until he could feel her breasts pressing against his, not entirely flat, chest. He then slowly let the hands drop down to the curve of her ass, wanting so badly to grabb it with both hands and grind up against her.

Present:

Not entirely sure just how long the road trip would end up being Julia packed light, just a few changes of underwear, some cut off jeans shorts and a few t-shirts. On top of it she threw in some of her note books, a sketch pad and a set of pencils. Then, after having carried it all down to the car there came the rather awkward topic of sleeping arrangements. It had of course already been agreed that Allie would sleep in the guest bedroom, but with both Nell and Adele gone what was there to stop them sleeping together.
 
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1990:

Allie had kissed boys plenty of times, but there was something about Jules, the way her (or was it supposed to be his right now if they were pretending Jules was a boy?) body felt, the soft press of the strange new friend's breasts against her own. And then Jules was moving his (yep, that felt right after all) hands down to her ass, and she chuckled into the kiss, squirming backwards into the hands before she moved her own hands to Jules' ass and pressing forward as she drew her paramour's pelvis towards her, grinding into it with a smile against the kiss before separating, staring at Jules with a look of bewilderment. "Wow." She said breathlessly.
Present:

The question of what to pack wasn't an issue for Allie, as she had brought plenty with her. After they had gotten Julia packed up and loaded, Allie had stood awkwardly in the guest bedroom door, looking at Julia with a thoughtful expression.

Finally, she spoke. "I guess it doesn't make much sense for me to sleep in here, does it? I mean, we both know what's going to happen. So why wait?" She said calmly, then walked forward and pulled Julia close, staring into her eyes before smiling. "Fuck, I've missed you, Jules." She said, then leaned in for a kiss, hungry, passionate, desperate.
 
1990:

Jules giggled a little as they felt this stunningly beautiful girl's hands move down to their ass as well, give it a squeeze and as their respective crotches were pressed together Jules felt the rolled up sock in their boxer briefs press against their female sex and was fairly certain Allie would feel it pressing against her sex as well. They responded to her grinding against it by doing the same and almost let out a soft moan.
"Wow indeed," Jules, or rather Julian as it were, agreed and started giggling.
"Hi. I'm ... ummm ... Julian, nice to meet you," they said as if the two had just met, and in a way they had just met.
Allie was the first girl they had kissed as a boy.


Present:

With all the packing and loading done, the bottle of wine empty and the sexual tension between the two Jules couldn't not agree with Allie when she said they both knew how the evening would end, regardless of whether they initially went to bed in separate rooms. One of them would sneak into the other's bed and they'd make passionate love, making up for all the years gone by without a word between them.

Jules didn't even hesitate when Allie pulled them close and leaned in for a kiss. They kissed her back, hungrily, passionately and ran their hands down this beautiful woman's back and groped her ass.
"I've missed you so much too Al," they said and slipped a thigh between Allie's legs.
"I don't think I knew how much until you kissed me just now."
 
1990

Allie smiled as they pressed together. The strange feel of what was probably sock or something padding Jules' groin was strange, mixed with the feminine attributes. When they parted, she smiled, nodding.

"Well, Julian, I'm Allison, but you can call me Allie. Nice to meet you." She said with a smile. "You're a very handsome young man, and you certainly know how to make a girl feel good." She said. "So, what's the plan, new friend?" She asked.

Present

The feel of Jules pressing into her, the groping of her ass, the thigh sliding up between her legs, got a soft moan from Allie, and she smiled at Jules. "God, I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me to buck up, come out, and date you. Because after everything we had together that summer ... I was an idiot for choosing the heteronormative expectation. I still remember the first time we fooled around together. I can't say the same for the first time I fooled around with a guy."

She gestured towards the guest room. "I'd rather not get freaky in the bed you and your wife share. Bad enough I'm being a homewrecker. No need to make it worse by literally taking her place in your bed."
 
1990:

Julian smiled at being called a handsome young man. They had never really thought of themselves that way, or physically attractive in any other way, though they did feel more confident as a boy than as a girl, mostly due to the almost complete lack of breasts. All the other girls in school had at least a noticeable outline on their chest but Jules was almost completely flat, maybe if they wore an underwire bra and a tight t-shirt, neither of which they wore that day. Instead they actually wore what they called their push down top, a tight sports top that pushed down what little they had to make their chest even flatter than it already was.
"And you're like totally hot," they said, their voice still deeper than it had been before the dare.

"I dunno what the plan is Allie I kinda arrived like yesterday and you're the first person I've met here. What's to do for fun around these parts?"


Present:

Julia nodded. They remembered that day too. It was like etched into their memories even if it was a memory they had avoided like the plague since Allie broke their heart.
"It was the first time I ever kissed someone as a boy y'know," she said and kissed Allie again while slowly moving them both towards the guest bedroom.
They knew they'd never be able to resist having sex with Allie but at the same time they didn't want to do so in the bed they shared with their wife. They gently pushed Allie onto the bed and were soon on top of her, knee between her thighs, both still fully dressed, kissing passionately and Julia's hands were all over Allie's somewhat familiar, yet somehow unexplored body. It had after all been many years since last they touched each other and both their bodies had changed.

Julia had eventually actually grown breasts that could be seen through their clothes and after having Nell their body had gained a certain amount of femininity over the years. In Allie's case it was of course apparent that she had had five kids, her hips were wider and her body was perhaps not quite as firm as it had been but neither was Julia's. Allie's breasts also seemed larger than they remembered them.
 
1990:

Allie blushed as Julian called her hot, shaking her head. "Oh, shut up. You're just saying that." She said bashfully.

At the question of what there was to do around the town, Allie shrugged. "I mean, we've got a small movie theater, there's a couple good local diners, the library, and, well, the creek is good swimming. There's a spot a couple miles down the bank that has a nice bit of privacy. So ... Maybe we go get lunch and a movie today, and then go for a swim?"
Present:

Allie nodded, her own hands sliding over Julia's body as the duo kissed. She thrust her pelvis into the knee between her thighs, grinding against it. Her hands found Julia's breasts, and she broke the kiss with a chuckle. "You finally got tits." She said, smiling. That was perhaps the biggest reminder that thirty years had passed since they last explored each other's bodies. It was same-y but different-y all at once. And it felt so ... Right. But then Allie remembered that her own fear of being judged for being bisexual had been why it had been thirty years since they had been together. She sighed, then reached up to stroke Julia's cheek.

"Fuck, babe ... Why was I such an idiot? I could have been with you this whole time. This could have been us every night for thirty years."
 
1990:

"Am not," Julian countered and smiled.
It was the honest truth. Allie was perhaps the most beautiful girl they'd ever seen, at least in real life, and certainly the sexiest. She was almost like a mirage and Julian half expected to wake up back in their bed at the B&B with their hand sticky from having rubbed themselves in their sleep dreaming of what had just happened.

"Lunch and a movie sounds like a date."
Julian nodded to confirm that they liked that and added that if they were going for a swim later they needed to swing by the B&B to pick up their swim trunks and then smiled as they imagined Allie's tight sexy body in a bikini, hell even a one piece swimsuit would be perfect.


Present:

"Oh these," Julia said and grabbed both their b-cups and weighed them in their hands with an almost girlish giggle.
"Yea I kinda grew a decent A cup the first summer of college and then after I had Nell they grew another cup size. They're still smaller than yours were 30 years ago though and I mean look at your. Just ... look at them."
Julia let her own breasts go and moved her hands to Allie's much larger and absolutely gorgeous breasts, at least they imagined them to be as stunningly spectacular as they had been the first time they had seen them without the restrictions of clothes. They gave them a playful giggly honk but then got all serious again when Allie reminded them of how things had ended 30 years ago.
"Yea it could. We could have been close to celebrating our pearl anniversary had things not happened the way they did."
For a few moments their embrace was less filled with lust than it was with nostalgia and what ifs but the moment passed and Julia sat up straight straddling one of Allie's left leg, their own knee almost touching their first girlfriend's crotch, and pulled off their top to reveal a deep red underwire bra.
"Wanna see them," they asked and returned the topic to before Allie had called herself an idiot for not having the confidence to come out 30 years ago.
They had already reached behind and undone the hooks and was now sliding the straps off while holding the cups in place with their hands. All Allie would have to do was nod and they would let the bra drop.
 
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