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Miles To Go Before I Sleep ... (DarkDreamer9110 x MsBloom)

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DarkDreamer9110

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Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Allison Sinclair stared at the doctor in disbelief. "You're sure? Cancer?" The 47-year-old said shakily.

The doctor nodded. "The tests all confirm it. And ... I'm not going to lie, the prognosis isn't good. It's fairly advanced and it's metastasized. We can try chemotherapy and radiation, all the tricks, but ... honestly, it might be best to consider palliative care and start making arrangements."

Allison was in shock. This wasn't what she'd hoped to hear. The drive home was a blur, and her mind was racing. The doctor had said she had maybe six months on the outside without treatment, that they could still try something and maybe buy her more time on top of that, but Allison had asked for time to think it over before making a decision.

How was she going to tell her husband? Her kids? What was she going to tell them? When?

After she got home, she made her way up to the bedroom and then to the shower, turning it on and not bothering to undress before entering the stream of hot water, sinking to the ground, drawing her legs up to her chest, and sobbing.

Memories began to flash through her mind. A summer long ago. The new kid in town that summer. The small white stone that started everything.

The promise they'd made.

The promise she'd broken.

She'd lost all track of time, sobbing and reminiscing and sometimes just staring at the wall of the shower in numb disbelief. Even the voice through the door barely drew her attention.

"Allie? You in there?" That was her husband, Robert.

She didn't answer.

The door opened, and Robert walked in. Seeing his wife fully clothed, curled up, and staring blankly at the wall, heedless of the now-frigid water still pouring from the shower head onto her, he was shocked, running over, turning the water off, and reaching out to touch her shoulder. No sooner had he done so than she turned to look at him, face haggard and eyes dull.

"Allie, what's wrong?"

Allie just shivered, finally realizing the cold, and Robert gently guided her to her feet. "Let's get you dried off and in dry clothes."

When that was done, he brought her a mug of coffee. "Guessing that it was bad news." He said simply.

She nodded. "Cancer. Inoperable, aggressive, terminal. Six months on the outside without treatment. Maybe a year with treatment. Doctor said palliative care would probably be the better consideration."

"... Oh." Robert said, stunned. He took Allie's hand in his. "Look, miracles happen and medicine is always advancing. We'll look at treatment options, find something experimental if we have to. I promise, this will be-"

"Don't." Allie growled, yanking her hand away. "Don't you fucking dare say it's going to be okay. It's not! It isn't and it won't be! I'm dying, Robert. End of story."

"Allie ..."

"Robert, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it."

They eventually decided not to tell their kids yet, not until they had some course of action figured out.

That night, in bed, Allie was awake and staring at the ceiling long after Robert went to sleep. She couldn't help it. There was only one thing on her mind.

"Babe, let's do it. Next summer. You and me. Take a car, go on a road trip all over the country. See the sights."

"Deal. Next summer."

But that trip had never happened. Because of Allie. She'd broken the promise.

And now she could only think about how she regretted that. But ...

It was an effort to hunt through social media, but finally she found who she was looking for. Okay. That was a starting point.

She quietly packed a bag, left a note on the bed in her place and left. Taking her car, she tore through the night, ignoring speed limits. Boston. She had to get to Boston.

Once there, after a madcap, virtually nonstop drive well into the morning, she was there. At least, she was in Boston. But what to do now? How to find the person?

In the end, she sent a friend request and a message to the profile.

The message was simple. "Hey. It's Allison. Allison Sinclair. IDK if you remember me, but we dated way back in the summer of '90. I'm sorry it's been so long. I'm in the area. Want to meet up for coffee, catch up?"
 
Julia Watson sat in the kitchen of her apartment on Winter Street in just her robe having the second large mug of tea that morning. She was going over the last chapter of her next book. Her nineteen year old daughter was sitting opposite her slobbering down a bowl of cereal with her eyes peeled at a book about Frida Kahlo. Outside there was a hint of sun behind the fluffy white clouds and the temperature promised to end somewhere in the upper seventies by mid afternoon. There was no conversation since neither of them were really morning persons. Usually it was Julia's wife Adele that did the talking in the mornings as she read through the Boston Herald, commenting on more or less everything. With her gone to New York on business the only sound in the kitchen was birds chirping in the park across the intersection and the sounds of the street slowly waking up and people starting their day.

With about a third of her tea still in the mug Julia got up and closed her laptop. She went to the balcony facing the back yard. The apartment was on the top floor but there wasn't much of a view, just a very adult oriented back yard with a communal barbecue, a couple of benches and flowerbeds surrounding a square of pale brown tiles. There hadn't been any children in the house since Nell was little which made it very quiet even in the summer holidays. She lit a cigarette and smoked it while finishing her tea. When she got back in and started to pick out her clothes for the day Nell called to her from the front door saying she probably wouldn't be home for dinner.
"Mhmm," Julia said and nodded, mostly to herself. It had become more or less routine for Nell to have dinner out since she met Laurence a few months ago.
She picked out black jeans and a simple grey top, a pair of beige lycra panties and since she didn't have any obligations that day she decided to skip wearing a bra.

After the shower she got dressed and returned to her lap top. There were certain passages that needed some editing but as she sat down and opened up her laptop she saw a notification about a friend request from Facebook, Allison Sinclair? She didn't know any Allison Sinclair, could it be ... yes it was, she concluded when she opened the profile. She had changed of course. It was after all thirty years ago but there was no mistaking those eyes or that smile. It was her, it really was, Allison, Allie, Al her first love. The memories of that precious summer came rushing back and with them a few tears as those memories also reminded her about how much it had hurt when Allison got a boyfriend and broke the promise of driving from coast to coast because she was anxious about how the people around her would react if she had an official relationship with another girl. Julia had been heartbroken and cried all that summer, the one that got cancelled. That was also the last she had heard rom Allison, until now, and she wondered why she contacted her now.

The answer came just a few minutes later when she received a message on Facebook's messenger service. She was here, in Boston, and she wanted to have coffee and catch up. Julia closed the laptop, closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. A part of her wanted to simply say no, it was too little too late, far too little and far too late but a much bigger part of her wanted to see Allie again, hoped that they could at least become friends after all this time.

Of course I remember. I could never forget the happiest summer of my life. Just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you.
The message was simple and as neutral as she had managed but the way her heart was racing were clear indications that she was a lot more excited to meet Allie again than the words suggested.
Or better yet, call me, she added in a separate message followed by her mobile phone number.
 
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The response was quick and positive, which brought a smile to Allie's face. She immediately dialed the number and anxiously waited for Julia to pick up. Her heart was racing, and she wasn't sure what she'd say.

No sooner had the click of Julia picking up registered than Allie opened her mouth to say something. What came out was a simple, "I'm so sorry, Jules." And then more. "I fucked up. I fucked up and I've regretted it and I should have stayed in touch, or at least reached out sooner. I just ... I'm dying, Julia. I'm dying and I want to make up for my mistakes or at least make peace. I came here just to see you. Drove here all in one night. Dropped everything and left. Because I needed to do this. I needed to see you, talk to you." The words were rushing out and her tears were choking her up.

As she spoke, her phone dinged, letting her know someone had just tried calling her. Probably Robert. Sure enough, her phone's text alert went off a few moments later, and checking it confirmed it was Robert. She didn't bother to read it; it was probably him wanting to talk about her irresponsible and impulsive midnight road trip. Well, she'd talk later. Right now, it was more important to settle the history between her and Julia.
 
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The phone rang within seconds of having sent the number and Julia barely had time to say hello when the call from a new number came in before Allie started spitting apologies for how things had ended that summer only to then drop the bomb, that she was dying. The news hit her like a ton of bricks and then as Allie choked up with tears she felt her own eyes starting to water as well.
"Hey, I forgive you," she said and tried to keep her voice steady.
She sat there listening to Allie sobbing on the other end with tears running down her face. Of course she forgave her. It had probably hurt Allie as much as it had hurt her when they broke up. It had probably broken her heart just as much as it had broken her own. But all that was water under the bridges now and even if Allie was dying it would be like a new start, a chance at a close friendship at least.
"Just tell me where you are and I'll come and meet you. We have so much to talk about."
 
The simple ease with which Julia forgave her was shocking. Allie wiped away her tears and took a moment to collect herself. She gave Julia the location she was at, the parking lot of a small coffee shop, and nodded. "Yeah, we do." She agreed weakly. "See you soon."

The wait felt interminable, and in that time her phone was periodically exploding with calls and texts from Robert. She didn't answer, but she did read what he sent. It was exactly as she expected. He was angry, hurt, asking her to come back, that they needed to talk about this.

Finally, she noticed Julia arrive, and walked over to her with a smile. "Hey, Julia. Thanks for coming." She said, stopping awkwardly a few feet away.
 
Julia ended the call and for half a second debated with herself if she should go as she was or if she should put on make up first. A part of her felt that Allie probably wouldn't care but at the same time the tingles in her body and in her head said that she wanted to look her best for the reunion. She put on a quick make up, her characteristic dark thick eye liner, some lipstick and she even pulled out a pale brown silk blouse from her closet and put it on over the top but then as she was about to button it she realised she was bra less and even if her b cups didn't really need a bra she took off the blouse and the top, found a bra that matched her panties and got dressed all over again. At the same time she felt silly for dressing up like this to meet the woman who had broken her heart worse than anyone else had and for what, keeping up some sort of normative appearance. And why match bra and panties. It wasn't as if something was going to happen anyway. They were sitting down for coffee to talk and make up for three lost decades, ok so maybe lunch and dinner as well. She almost changed back but no, it was what it was and it wasn't like she had put on the kind of outfit she might wear for her wife on a date night. It wasn't a sexy outfit even if those jeans made her ass look damned good.

About ten minutes later she parked her red Miata on Newbury Street. She had spotted what must be Allie even before she got out of the car and there they were, face to face, thirty years later, only a few feet apart. She was still beautiful and Julia could feel her heart racing, her face blushing, and a strange sensation of excitement spreading like wild fire across her skin.
"Hey," she said back rather nervously again wondering if this was really such a good idea.
"Long time ..." she added and let Allie fill in the rest of the cliché.
She then closed the distance between them and gave her long lost love a hug, a hug that lingered longer than any normal greeting hug might but they did after all have 30 years worth of those to make up for.
"I'm glad you came too," she whispered.
 
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Allie chuckled as Julia spoke. "... No see." She finished. The hug was both a surprise and relief, as she'd been debating if a hug would be accepted. She held Julia for a bit. Nodding, she pulled back. "Let's go eat." She said with a smile.

Once they'd sat down she sighed. "I'm sorry to just show up like this. I know you probably weren't expecting to suddenly have me pop back up in your life like this. Probably pretty shocking and disruptive. I just ... I needed to get away from everything. And I couldn't stop thinking about you. About that summer. About ... about how I broke our promise because I was scared."

She paused for a moment. "I want to make it up to you. It's thirty years late, but ... I want to do it. That road trip. With you. It's the only thing on my bucket list. You don't have to give me an answer right away. We've got thirty years to catch up on."
 
"You broke more than a promise Allie," Julia said as they sat down in the outdoor café.
"You broke my heart."
Her voice perhaps a bit snappy as the mention of the broken promise that had been about so much more than just a road trip from coast to coast, brought back thirty year old feelings of rejection, betrayal and pain. She had said she forgave Allie for it but was that really true. Was it at all possible to truly and fully forgive what Allie had done.
"Broke it so completely that I cried an entire summer and thought I would never be able to trust anyone ever again, much less feel love again."
Again her voice was harsher than intended.
"I'm sorry," she then said and smiled.
"It's all just a bit much to take in at the moment. Why don't we talk about the good things from the summer we met instead."
She ordered a tall chai latte with cinnamon and a croissant when the waitress came to take their order.
"I still have the stone," she then revealed.
"I keep it in a box on my desk, and take it our from time to time, caressing my face with it, thinking of you."
She was not about to admit that even today thirty years later she occasionally used it to caress more than her face while thinking or Allie and the summer they spent together exploring each other.
 
The words stung, as they should have. Allie nodded slowly. "I know. I was ... I was scared. Scared of how I felt, scared of being rejected by everyone, scared to stand up for who I was. I am so sorry for betraying you, for betraying us."

Her eyes widened at the reveal that Julia still had it, still had that silly little rock that a much younger Allie had so playfully snatched away once. The small white stone that started everything in the best summer of their lives.

She nodded numbly. "I still remember that day."

1990

Allie had been watching the visiting new kid from a distance. The small town didn't get many visitors, let alone teenagers. Her cautious observation was driven by curiosity. The kid was a complete unknown, a mystery. Allie couldn't even tell if they were a boy or girl.

The new kid had found their way to the creek, and Allie was hanging back in the treeline. She watched the teen light a cigarette and then something seemed to get their attention. A moment later, they had picked up a small stone from the bank.

As Allie watched the girl feel the stone, they soon rubbed it gently on their face.

Then the new arrival did something unexpected. They pressed the stone to their lips and kissed it.

Something came over Allie, and she found herself walking forward, then sprinting to the teen and reaching out to pluck the stone from their hand. She danced away with a chuckle and turned to smirk playfully at them.
 
1990

The embarrassment had been monumental when that girl just snatched the stone from her hand, or rather from her lips, and Jules, as she preferred to be called rather than Julia, simply because it was a more gender-neutral name, had just stood there for a while looking, no, staring at the girl holding the smooth, perfectly white stone between her fingers. She had been lost for words, which was not entirely uncommon when she found herself in similar situations. The embarrassment was only part of it though, the main part was that this girl was stunning, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was almost as if the girl was surrounded by an aura of light, which of course was simply an effect of her being back lit.
"I ... ummm ... I'd like that back," she had said and nervously chewed on her bottom lip.

And so it was agreed that she could have the stone back if she could make it across the creek and back without getting wet. The first dare of many for the stone that summer. Dares that would become gradually more daring and soon become some sort of awkward flirting and teasing. Dares that would become many firsts for both of them.

Jules was perhaps not the most athletic girl at the time but she somehow did manage to make it across and back via some rocks and fallen trees, and was rewarded by having the stone returned to her. The girl had then turned and walked back towards the town and Jules had just stood there watching her walk away. Her heart was pounding, her face was bright red and her entire body was tingling.
"I'm Jules, what's your name?" she eventually managed to call out before the girl was out of ear shot.


"Mmm," Julia said as a smile spread across her lips.
"Best day ever," she added and suddenly felt like she was that shy, awkward, gender-confused teenager again.
Her body tingled in a similar way to the way it had tingled that afternoon and whether she would admit it to herself or anyone else she meant that literally. That day by the creek, meeting Allie for the first time, was the best day of her life, better even than the day she had married her wife, better than the day she had Nell.

She bit her bottom lip and looked up at Allie. She was still gorgeous despite the obvious signs of thirty years gone by.
 
1990

Watching the teen cross the creek and come back was a lovely sight, one Allie was mesmerized by. It was still hard to figure out if the new arrival was a boy or girl, and the confusion was building up in her. She was conflicted. She had no real concept of same-sex attraction or that gender was more than a binary system, so the attraction she felt was puzzling.

The task completed and the stone returned, Allie had been about to head off when a name was given. She turned and smirked at the teen. "I'm Allie!" She called back. "See you later, Jules!"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that was the best day." Allie said. "Definitely top ten, maybe even top five. But definitely up there."

She sighed. "I remember going home and still being absolutely bewildered as to whether you were a boy or girl. It was ... confusing. I didn't really have a reference for same sex relationships or non-binary genders. I remember wondering what was wrong with me if you were a girl."

A chuckle. "I remember I stole that rock again just to get an answer from you about your gender."
 
"I wasn't quite sure myself if I'm perfectly honest," Julia said with a thoughtful smile on her face.
"Even now there are days ... y'know ..." she added and then laughed , slightly embarrassed at the memory of the second dare Allie had held the stone in ransom for.


1990

It had been the next day and Jules had been walking around in a state of confusion most of the evening before and all morning, thinking about the girl who seemed to have vanished just as completely as she had appeared. It was almost like it had been little more than a waking dream. She had barely slept all night and made three trips to the bathroom down the hall to masturbate while caressing and kissing the stone.

After breakfast she had taken her bag and headed back down the path along the stream to the place where they had met nurturing some kind of vain hope that the girl would appear out of nowhere again. She had had a few cigarettes while either pacing restlessly running her thumb over the stone's smooth surface or softly caressing the skin on her face with it. She had tried sitting down to read or just listen to music on her Walkman but nothing could ease her nerves or her restlessness.

But then as she sat there, having momentarily put the stone down beside her to light another cigarette she felt someone behind her and out of the corner or her eye saw the hand that quickly snatched the stone away, again. Her hear skipped a beat, it skipped several beats, and her mouth went bone dry. When she did look up while removing the headphones from her ears Allie was there, standing over her with a curious smile on her face, holding the stone. Jules face went bright red again but this time she said nothing. She just sat there looking at the girl.

Allie was at that age much more developed than Jules was. She had nice big breasts while Jules were barely bumps on her chest and Jules simply couldn't stop looking at them even if the sight only made her face even redder and she bit her bottom lip.
"H h hell llo," she stuttered eventually.
"Ag gain," she added and stood up holding her hand out and already knowing it would require her to perform another task if she wanted it back.
She said nothing more, just stood there waiting for whatever Allie would ask her to do this time.


"I couldn't tell you what was so special about the stone back then to make me do what I did that day. I mean after that it kind of became a symbol of our relationship, a kind of excuse for doing the things we did for each other that summer. I guess perhaps you needed that more than I did to explain to yourself why you felt attracted to me even after you found out I was a girl."
She took a sip of her Chai Latte as it had just been served.
"I was so embarrassed when you asked me to pull up my shirt and then still not convinced I was a girl asked me to drop my shorts."
 
1990

Allie had kept an eye on the newcomer, and had soon found them the next day at the same spot. The chance to mess with the teen was too great, and so Allie had once again taken the stone. But this time, there was a question the dare could answer.

She smiled at Jules, idly tossing the stone up in the air as she watched her. "So, Jules, I'm curious about something. Are you a boy or a girl?"

And so she had gotten Jules to lift her shirt and reveal what could only with significant generosity be called boobs. And then she had demanded further proof.
"God, I was ... not nice." Allie said, shaking her head. "And yeah, I guess that ... making it about the dares allowed me to explore myself while still pretending it wasn't about questioning myself."

She nodded. The ritual had developed from there; Allie would find a way to get the stone, and then she would ransom it back to Jules for a dare. The things they got up to ...

The idea came to her then. There was one way to make sure Jules would agree to the trip. But getting to that ...

"Hey, so, I understand if this isn't okay, but ... any chance I could stay with you for a bit? I don't want to go back home yet, and I, uh, I'd love to meet your family."

God, she hoped Jules agreed. Because Allie needed to be in Jules' house. Needed to find that stupid little rock.
 
1990

"Wha ... I ... ummm ..." Jules had started when Allie asked her question.
"I'm a girl," she had said and had hoped that would be enough but then Allie had asked for proof and sure.
She had hesitated before pulling up her shirt to reveal her flat chest but that had not been enough and in a way Jules could understand why it wasn't entirely convincing, even though she had pushed her arms together to make her small breasts more obvious, but she was not prepared for what Allie demanded next. Further proof.

Jules had closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at the girl in front of her when she undid her shorts and pulled them down.
Undies too, she had heard Allie demand and so, with her eyes starting to tear up with embarrassment she had pulled down her boxer briefs just enough to prove she was a girl. She kept her eyes closed and waited for Allie to acknowledge that fact before pulling them back up.

Once she had been handed back the stone she grabbed her bag and ran off back to the bed and breakfast and locked herself in the bathroom. She was as aroused as she was embarrassed. That was the first time she used the stone to masturbate with.


"Quite understandable I suppose all things considered," Jules said and looked at the woman her first girlfriend had become.
She tilted her head slightly to the side when Allie asked if she could stay with her for a few days. She understood the reasoning behind it. And regardless of how they had left things thirty years earlier she wanted a chance to catch up with Allie, talk things through and make things right between them.
"Have you even told them?" she asked.
"They must be worried about you," she added and reached out to touch Allie's hand.
"Of course you can stay for a couple of days. We have so much to catch up on and I'd love you to meet Nell, my daughter, and my wife Adele, though she won't be back home from New York until late tomorrow afternoon."
She then took out her phone and excused herself for a few moments while she texted Nell that she would have to cancel her dinner with Laurence because they were having company over that she wanted her to meet.
 
1990

The undeniable proof that Jules had all the parts to be a girl had both clarified and confused things for Allie. The attraction hadn't gone away like she'd thought it would if Jules was a girl. In fact, it got worse. Her own secretive masturbation was now filled with thoughts that added another layer of both guilt and excitement.

After they parted, Allie had asked around and found where Jules was staying, and planned to swing by and pay the girl a visit. There was so much more fun to have.

Allie sighed. "My husband knows. My kids don't." She suddenly paled. "Fuck. I didn't even think about them. Robert's probably trying to figure out how to tell them I just ran off."

As Jules let her daughter know, Allie had decided to take a moment to respond to Robert's messages. She texted him to tell him to just say that right now, their mom had to deal with something urgent. She promised she'd be back when she was ready.

She looked at Jules and smiled. "Thanks. I'm glad. At least maybe I can try to fix my mistakes now."
 
Jules sat watching her friend, her first girlfriend, for a while in silence. Whether or not the silence itself was awkward or if it was the memories it had brought back seeing Allie again after all these years of a very different silence. And within that indeterminable but very pregnant silence she wondered what her life would have been like if things had been different, if Allie had had the courage to follow her heart back then, if Allie had kept her promise. Would they have been married now, would they have been a family. A small pensive smile spread across her lips and then, trying to avoid the one question she wanted to ask but didn't know how to, she began browsing her phone for a photo of Nell which she showed Allie.
"So this is my daughter," she said and held the phone out towards Allie.
"She's nineteen now, twenty in October."
Then she went silent for a moment before changing the subject.
"So ... how long do you have?"

She suddenly stared into her cup. It wasn't fair really for life to bring them back together again after thirty years of hurt feelings only to then tear them apart again down shortly after,
 
The silence was nearly unbearable, and when Jules brought up her daughter, Allie was relieved to have something else to talk about. She smiled at the photo. "She's a lovely girl."

Allie pulled up some pictures on her own phone instead of answering the question. "My husband, Robert, and our kids. That's Zoe, she's 25, married, twins on the way. Lucas, he's 23, dating a wonderful young man. Katherine, she's 20. Marco, he's 16. And Briana, she's 12."

A pause. "Four to six months on the outside without treatment. Maybe a year with it." She answered softly.

"And, honestly, I don't know if I'm going to go for treatment. Why prolong the inevitable? Especially when it just means suffering longer?"
 
Five!
That was Jules first reaction. Five kids. Her Allie had five kids. And she was about to be a grandmother, assuming she had that long. The though boggled Jules' mind and couldn't help but to let her eyes drop down to Allie's chest. Of course a good bra could work miracles but her breasts certainly didn't look like they had fed five kids. In fact they looked absolutely stunning and a smile spread across her lips remembering the first time she had seen them in the flesh.

She had hoped that Allie would have said a year, at least. Four to six months sounded like a mere moment in time but four to six months was better than no time at all and she was happy that Allie had reached out to her, to make good on her promise, even if at the time Jules didn't really know what that meant. She then nodded in agreement. There was really no point in prolonging the inevitable especially since it wouldn't be living, not really. It would just be a pain-filled existence that was usually more for the surviving relatives more than it was for the patients.

Jules finished her drink and said that she would be making lasagna and for that she needed to pick up a few ingredients on their way back.
"If you're ok with tagging along. It'll just be a minor detour."
 
As Allie put the phone away, she sighed. "Zoe's about five months along. So it's possible, maybe even probable, that ... that I won't be here when they're born." She said.

Allie smiled at Jules as the other woman spoke. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll follow you in my car, and then, well, I guess I should actually go ahead and call Robert to talk this out. I, uh, just left a fairly vague note. Said I had to see an old friend. He, well, he doesn't know about you, about us and that summer." Finishing her own drink, she nodded, standing up. "Alright, let's get going."
 
"Or you can just leave it where it is and we can pick it up on the way back," Jules suggested after having given Allie a long tight hug for comfort. Of course no hug could make the pain of maybe not even being alive to greet one's grandchildren to the world but it probably didn't hurt either.

The shopping took maybe an hour before the two old friends and lovers were on their way back to Jules house in separate cars. They had not talked much about the past, or the future, while shopping for vegetables, pasta, cheese and a couple of bottles of a nice red wine. Those were not topics for talking about while choosing tomatoes. Instead they talked about what kind of salad to have on the side and whether to go for a vegetarian lasagna or a more traditional version. There would be time to talk about all those other things later, in a more private setting.

"If you want to shower off the road dust and maybe change into some fresh clothes you go ahead and do that while I get started on the prep," Jules said as she started putting the groceries away.
She then showed Allie the bathroom which had both a shower and a bathtub separately. She laid out a couple of large soft cotton towels and told her old friend/girlfriend, that she could use any product she found on the shelves.
"There must be six of seven different shampoos and more shower gels than you'll know what to do with."
With three adult women sharing the one bathroom there was also all kinds of conditioners, lotions and various skin products
 
In the end, she hadn't talked to Robert. She didn't want to have that conversation

Allie nodded at the offer of a shower, taking the chance to note where Jules' bedroom was. She'd have to wait for the right moment to slip in and grab the stone. She knew Jules would listen then. But that would be later. Right now, she settled for a nice, hot bath, muscles relaxing and tension easing.

The phone rang, and she was surprised to see not Robert but Zoe's name initially. Answering it, she tried to put on a brave face. "Hey, dear. How's it going?"

"What the hell, Mom? You find out you're terminal, and you run off to some old friend in the middle of the goddamn night without a proper explanation? Dad told me everything. He's pretty sure that you're cheating on him. Please, just call him and talk to him. Or tell me and I'll talk to him."

"Zoe, I made a promise a long time ago that I need to keep while I still can. Before I'm stuck in a bed. I'll be back soon, okay? But right now this is more important to me. I owe this friend this promise, at least, and far more."

"Want me to tell Dad? But you should really call him."

"If you could. And I will. When I'm ready."

She hung up, and eventually emerged from the bathroom with a fresh pair of clothes.
 
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While Allie showered Jules had started to prep for dinner in the kitchen. She had started the bolognese sauce with bacon, onions, garlic, celery and shredded carrots. She let it soften and then added three heaped table spoons of tomato pure before adding the meat, about 50/50 beef and lamb. When that fried she made the bechamel sauce and once it had thickened she added almost a pound of pecorino cheese to it. There was nothing restrained about her lasagna. Lastly she poured a large tin of chopped tomatoes to the bolognese and brought it down to a slow simmer. That was stage one all done. In about forty five minutes to an hour she would turn the heat off entirely and start to assemble.

She heard Allie's voice from the bathroom when she passed by it going to her bedroom to get the stone. She wanted to actually show Allie she had kept it. It was her fondest possession because of all the memories it held. She had just gotten out the small wooden box she kept it in when she heard Allie approach.
"Hey there gorgeous," she said and smiled.
"I told you you'd find something that would fit."
Allie almost looked like an entirely new person now that she had washed off the road dust and she also seemed quite rejuvenated by the shower.
"Here. Look. I told you I still have it."
Jules held out the stone, half expecting Allie to snatch it from her hand like she had done the first day they met.
 
Allie chuckled. "We're both married, Jules. And not to each other. So the flirting is inappropriate."

It hurt, having to acknowledge that their lives had gone in different directions.

And then there it was. The stupid little rock that had changed both their lives for that summer. The dares, the truths, the self-discoveries.

She reached out automatically, snatched the stone away. "One more dare, Jules. Come with me. Please. Let me make things right. Let's do the trip."

A moment later, she handed the stone back. "No. I'm not going to hold that over you. But just think about it, please."
 
Allie was of course right. They were both married and due to one of them not having the courage for it 30 years ago, not to each other. But this was Allie after all, the first girl she had ever kissed, the first girl she had ever touched, the first girl she had ever ... so many firsts and all of them burned into her memory, all of them so deeply attached to finding her identity.


1990

Jules didn't sleep that night. Perhaps she nodded off occasionally but she just lay there in the bed right next to her aunt's bed, caressing the stone, caressing herself with the stone, blushing at some of the wildly erotic images rushing through her brain. She touched her nipples with the stone, her lips and her other lips, then her lips again, imagining that the stone was Allie's lips, maybe her tongue, her fingers.

In the morning her head felt heavy and showering only helped a little. She needed coffee. So she slipped into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before heading down to the dining room to see if there was any. The scent of breakfast found her nose about half way down the stairs and so did Allie, who was on her way up. Julia's heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds before starting up again at a speed that might suggest she was running as fast as she could. She felt her face blush with embarrassment again, remembering how Allie had made her expose herself, just to prove she was a girl, at least that she had girl parts, how she felt was an entirely different matter.

Julia stopped dead in her tracks and just stood there with her feet on different steps, the stone safely tucked away in her left front pocket and her left hand now reached inside for it. She stood there staring at Allie not knowing whether to rush down and kiss her or run back to the room and hide. Who knew what the girl might have in mind but she wasn't about to let her steal the stone again.

There was no telling how long the two of them stood like that, looking at each other but eventually Julia made a decision. She was sure that Allie had in some way come for the stone and she decided to make her an offer. She pulled the stone out of the pocket and showed it to Allie.
"You want this," she asked and tilted her head to the side.
"Kiss me and you can have it for 24 hours."


Taking out the stone from it's safe place and showing it to Allie after all these years had been about remembering together. To immerse themselves in what had been their happiest summer, at least it had been for Julia but there it was, history repeating itself as Allie snatched the stone from her hand. For the first time in three decades it was no longer hers. It felt strange and yet made perfect sense.
One more dare, Jules. Come with me. Please.
She was married to a lovely woman whom she loved dearly. How could she go with Allie? How could she refuse?
Let me make things right. Let's do the trip.
It was tempting. It was thirty years too late. She was married. How could she? It was thirty years TOO LATE but it was ALLIE. How could she refuse? Then she felt the stone in her hand again. Allie wasn't going to make it a dare after all, wasn't going to make it about the stone but it was obvious she still wanted to do the trip, wanted Julia to drive from coast to coast with her, to make right what she did wrong all those years ago.

"I will," she said and bit her bottom lip nervously.
"I will think about it," she added but her mind was already made up.
She would go and what happened would happen. She just had to find a way to explain this decision to her wife and daughter, explain why it was so important to her to go on this trip.
 
Allie stared at Jules for a moment. "I'm sorry, Jules." She said softly. "It would be unfair of me to make you do that, to use the stone against you. I was going to do that, I really was. But I can't."

She chuckled. "I still remember when you made your first proposition with it."

1990

"Kiss me and you can have it for 24 hours."

The first two words alone were ... scandalous to Allie. The idea of homosexuality was barely something Allie was aware of, and even then she had been generally taught it was negative. So for Jules to so boldly suggest a kiss was ... confusing.

And yet ... she found herself leaning in, a quick kiss against Jules' lips, barely a peck, really, and she held out her hand for the stone expectantly.

Present

"I guess ... I guess I really do need to explain things to my husband." She said. "I've been putting it off."
 
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