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Partner Rapport

I try to be very friendly and approachable towards my partners. Through keeping them updated of my availability, a little rapport builds overtime but I try to maintain a distance. I'd say I've made friendships in the site but that's mostly from the community aspect rather than the collaborative writing.

There is no way I'd write with someone I don't like or can't get along with. They could be a top-tier, best-selling published author and I would find it very difficult to write with them. I don't need to befriend people I write with, but I won't write with people I don't get along with.
 
How do you approach things like this?
It really comes down to the person behind the screen. The only variable we usually have control over in a situation, is our reaction. We can moderate our initial impulse, override instinct, and proceed in a different way. Now, of course, this depends on a want/need/desire to enact a change in yourself -- be that for personal growth or the pruning of negative aspects of the self. To answer the question -- I approach situations on a case by case basis. History will obviously develop a bias in my mind, but it's on me to take that information and apply it in a rational way as I react.​

If I was a total cunt to you a year ago, would you try to RP with me today?
Nope. I'd entertain the notion of conversation, to perhaps clear the air -- but if you were a "total cunt" to me, I'd be extremely hesitant to collaborate with you at all.​

Do you hold grudges? I do. There are certain people who I will never speak to again if I don't have to.
Everyone holds grudges to some degree. This is where that perception realignment mentioned above comes into play. If the offense was so egregious as to sour your opinion of that person entirely, then weigh your options. Would interacting with this person be of greater benefit to the self than harm from the bad experience? If no, proceed. If yes, reconsider. Do these limitations of "what could have been" bother you? Change that. But, remember, it starts and ends with you.​
 
Well, some people I think we got off on the wrong foot but I'm willing to try again, other people I think no matter how much we work as friends, we just can't RP together. And then there's people that insult me or have a snarky attitude and I'm not really willing to try again. I know I'm someone that has a tendency to burn out. I tell people I'm like this all the time. I understand if people don't want to deal with that. This year hasn't been kind to me. I've had plenty of people that I'm on good terms with and probably can RP with, just something gets in the way each time. And it's at a point where I don't want to bother them after that.
 
I have at times tried playing again with someone who ghosted me, sometimes it is on a different site where I have used a different name but they are using the same one. And sure enough history repeats itself and they ghost again.

If they were a total cunt? No, I would not want to RP with them again. Chances are I have probably already worked out during the chat phase that they are a total cunt already. Do I hold grudges? Yes I do, I remain wary. I have had bad experiences on forums and I am cautious and suspicious especially of staff.

How do I approach these things? In a way I really don't bother. If someone ghosts then so be it. If they start doing stupid or offensive stuff than I ghost and block them. The internet is not the same as real life and problems can be easily solved.
 
I believe in second chances if you were nice. I don't believe in umpteenth chances unless I'm desperate. I have some games running for YEARS. My oldest one was 2016 but then we ended it and started a new one. I don't like ghosting. I just need a pm with "will be away". If you're faithful I will be too. Some became real friends and we discussed real life. Others we are still distant acquaintances and that's fine too.
 
I most certainly hold grudges, after all, you only find out what a person is really like when they're wearing a mask, in this case, the mask being their avatar and username.

I've had a lot of partners over the years, here, there, everywhere. I only really remember partners that play really well or play really bad, the former being the ones that stick in my mind the longest. I've even built really strong relationships with some users here and on Discord, each one beginning with a bit of writing.

So yeah, I tend to keep my good partners in mind and even expand those relationships beyond being horny on main.
 
I used to hold grudges, but now I feel as though I have let that go simply because it takes up too much space in my mind. I still do look at the usernames as avatars change far too quickly to remember and see if they are someone I have written with. I've had really bad partners and with that does come some kind of anxiety when they approach me after I've turned them down. I give everyone a shot and then ghost in all honesty. Like, you had your shot, I'm not going to repeat myself. I basically just don't worry too much about it, if someone turned me down then I'm not going to pester them into writing with me as I'd hate for that to happen to me. I have met way more kind people and writing partners here than anywhere else, so I do try to be courteous when I can.
 
I've seen multiple people talk about being messaged with "Wanna RP?" What does that mean, exactly? Is it more about not bothering to mention a plot, pairing or any story element whatsoever? Cause I'd totally at least come to a potential partner with SOMETHING.

At any rate, if you ghost me, I'm almost guaranteed to not risk repeating history. And if someone were to hit the ignore button on me unexpectedly--and the unexpected part would be because my intentions weren't hostile and, as far as I was aware, neither were my words--then I wouldn't even give them the time of day and would most likely ignore them back. That's an extreme case but has happened once or twice. So for every extremely good rapport, there is a total and complete breakdown, and the ones that I don't see coming just tear at my self-esteem more than anyone can ever know.
 
desperado1089 said:
I've seen multiple people talk about being messaged with "Wanna RP?" What does that mean, exactly? Is it more about not bothering to mention a plot, pairing or any story element whatsoever? Cause I'd totally at least come to a potential partner with SOMETHING.

At any rate, if you ghost me, I'm almost guaranteed to not risk repeating history. And if someone were to hit the ignore button on me unexpectedly--and the unexpected part would be because my intentions weren't hostile and, as far as I was aware, neither were my words--then I wouldn't even give them the time of day and would most likely ignore them back. That's an extreme case but has happened once or twice. So for every extremely good rapport, there is a total and complete breakdown, and the ones that I don't see coming just tear at my self-esteem more than anyone can ever know.
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The chances of bad experiences can be limited by taking the red flags seriously. "Wanna RP?" is one of the most obvious red flags. And yes - "Wanna RP?" is basically as it sounds. You receive a message, usually out of the blue, that is most likely just consisting of the words "Wanna RP?" There is no greeting (which isn't necessary if you ask me), there is no interested theme, there is no context to the request, no information for the recipient to draw, other than the sender wanting to RP. You don't need a paragraph, but give the recipient something to toss back at you.
 
Okay, so riddle me this, @Seranda. If someone has a particularly massive request thread, such as yourself (major props, by the way), what if someone just happens to PM you and ask what your top 5 or so current cravings are? They're not extremely lazy or anything, they just wanna make things a little easier. That's not a bad thing. Right?
 
desperado1089 said:
Okay, so riddle me this, @Seranda. If someone has a particularly massive request thread, such as yourself (major props, by the way), what if someone just happens to PM you and ask what your top 5 or so current cravings are? They're not extremely lazy or anything, they just wanna make things a little easier. That's not a bad thing. Right?
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Who are you? The Riddler... XD

Meh. Depends. My Request Thread isn't bumped with the word "bump" over and over again. Most bumps are certain things I am looking for, and a second RT contains hype stories I am more excited about. I don't know if I would call them lazy or not. I also have an option to have someone give me absolute choice over what we RP. The ultimate counter to "Wanna RP"

I select something, they say, uhh... I don't want to do that. I click ignored. Quite simple.
 
Yes, I am aware of the overall...density of your RT XD. So basically your "Seranda's Choice" would take into account some or all of your current, unfulfilled cravings?
 
desperado1089 said:
Yes, I am aware of the overall...density of your RT XD. So basically your "Seranda's Choice" would take into account some or all of your current, unfulfilled cravings?
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100%. They would be my most wanted current projects. Projects I would hope to be passionate about and would hate to have refused.
 
desperado1089 said:
I've seen multiple people talk about being messaged with "Wanna RP?" What does that mean, exactly? Is it more about not bothering to mention a plot, pairing or any story element whatsoever? Cause I'd totally at least come to a potential partner with SOMETHING.
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I guess it means they want to RP and no, they don't mention what they want to RP, what they like, what they bring to the table.

The RP version of "Wanna fuck?" on a dating site.
 
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Personally, I don't hold grudges, but then again, I also cannot remember a time someone has managed to actually really irritate me ona writing forum? I'm pretty thick-skinned I guess.

For me it's kind of like this. I try to exercise basic courtesy online whenever I could, but I'm not perfect, so I don't expect other people to be perfect. I've certainly had periods in my life where I was waaaay too busy/overwhelmed to get what must be done, done, much less have the brain capacity to worry about something like writing. Nowadays, I like to think that I'm at a stable enough point in my life to give people a heads up, but will readily admit that was not always the case before I finished school. And frankly, there's the anxiety element too. When you are already stressed, the thought of disappointing someone/a confrontational situation doesn't tend to inspire action.

So with that in mind, I tend to be very understanding of people who drop RPs on me, ghost me even. RL > all. And if I enjoyed the story enough, I certainly wouldn't mind a second spin of a different tale.
 
If the rapport and writing was good I will write with someone again although I have learned if they ghosted you once they will do so again.

I would prefer someone just tell me a story isn’t working or they need a break etc rather than ghost me. That will ensure a better second chance with me than just ghosting.
 
LordFlashheart said:
If the rapport and writing was good I will write with someone again although I have learned if they ghosted you once they will do so again.

I would prefer someone just tell me a story isn’t working or they need a break etc rather than ghost me. That will ensure a better second chance with me than just ghosting.
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I have had to sever roleplaying relationships with people I legitimately enjoy because of their inability to remain active in some way, and if they cannot, their inability to at least give some notion as to where our roleplaying stands.

They come back months later, and act like it never happened, some even acting like it is our first time speaking.

This is why you should hold your dependable and consistent partners close. They are small treasures to me.
 
Seranda said:
I have had to sever roleplaying relationships with people I legitimately enjoy because of their inability to remain active in some way, and if they cannot, their inability to at least give some notion as to where our roleplaying stands.

They come back months later, and act like it never happened, some even acting like it is our first time speaking.

This is why you should hold your dependable and consistent partners close. They are small treasures to me.
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Definitely. I had one partner for about 6 years we did various RP’s and sometimes had 5 going at once. When we wanted a break we were honest about it same if one of us wasn’t into a RP or wanted it to head in a different direction.

Recently I had a partner want to resume a RP that they ghosted me on 2 years ago, and hey write well and I crave the plot which is hard to find partners for. So I agreed and within 2 turns they ghosted me again!!

Similar when people drop subtle hints “hey I might not be around much, I feel guilty making you wait for responses..” had that happen recently. I knew they were going to disappear but I liked playing with them and I wanted to hold out hope so I said it was fine respond when you can.

Been 4 months now I don’t think they are coming back! Annoying because we spent about 3 months discussing the plot and to be honest I knew they wouldn’t last long as even during the planning stage they were only responding at most twice a week.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines and accept even if you feel the chemistry is great it still might not work out.
 
LordFlashheart said:
Definitely. I had one partner for about 6 years we did various RP’s and sometimes had 5 going at once. When we wanted a break we were honest about it same if one of us wasn’t into a RP or wanted it to head in a different direction.

Recently I had a partner want to resume a RP that they ghosted me on 2 years ago, and hey write well and I crave the plot which is hard to find partners for. So I agreed and within 2 turns they ghosted me again!!

Similar when people drop subtle hints “hey I might not be around much, I feel guilty making you wait for responses..” had that happen recently. I knew they were going to disappear but I liked playing with them and I wanted to hold out hope so I said it was fine respond when you can.

Been 4 months now I don’t think they are coming back! Annoying because we spent about 3 months discussing the plot and to be honest I knew they wouldn’t last long as even during the planning stage they were only responding at most twice a week.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines and accept even if you feel the chemistry is great it still might not work out.
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Pretty much this.
 
I do remember usernames, avatars etc. fairly well, and I do keep tabs on whom I've chatted, planned, roleplayed etc. loosely in my head.

If the RP, planning etc. dies for whatever reason I usually won't play the person again. Really depends on the reason why RP fizzled out and how long it has been since I last heard from them. If I'm the one doing ghosting it really depends. Most of the time it's unintentional and the reason for this is my carelessness. In those cases I get back with an apology and see if my partner is still up for continuing , but if my partners last message in planning-phase was "ok", their RP-reply basically a one-liner or something like that I tend to write it off as them not being that interested and won't bother getting back at them. Same if I feel like I have to constantly carry the conversation or RP.

Most of the time I take the roleplay dying as a sign for us being incompatible, and just decline if they want to plan something again. If the reason is something like their mental-health not allowing them to log-in for the time being, or them being too busy with something to drop here at all then in those kind of cases I tend to be more willing to see if we can hit it off again. I used to poke my partners after a month or so, but quit doing that and now I just leave the convo after month or two has passed from the last reply.

Grudges are something that I don't hold against anyone lightly, but if I feel that I've been treated wrongly etc. I do remember them for a long time, and they will surely affect my decision to RP with a person even after many years. Gladly these kinds of incidents have been like one or two during my roleplay career.

Since people here have talked about "Wanna rp"-people too I guess it's worth mentioning that the first-impression is extremely important to me, and where I try to at least give a polite decline to everyone approaching me I also selectively tend to ignore messages without any context, or approaches that rub me the wrong way. These can range from calling me pet-names to asking which canon-character can suck the dick the best in my opinion.
 
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Seranda said:
I was just curious if anyone else had consideration for whatever rapport they have built with different partners. I know some who can end roleplaying abruptly and in quite bad terms, and less than a month later be playing with that same partner with similar or different results.

I am not one of those people. I remember names, avatars, and experiences, mostly how the playing ended. If you were someone who ghosted me, spoke down to me, simply didn't click with me, was constantly absent despite understanding that I wanted someone somewhat active, and our styles just didn't gel... I will most certainly not roleplay with you again. I suppose it depends on the send off.

If things are ever THAT BAD, those conversations end in a click of the ignore button. On the other hand, partners that I have experienced multiple times and can depend on, they are almost a guaranteed yes at the pitch of their idea, even if it's something I generally wouldn't be into. I know we can work well with each other, feed off of each other's strengths and make a good story out of anything. I only have a few, and I hope they know who they are because they're awesome and cool and I enjoy them.

How do you approach things like this? If I was a total cunt to you a year ago, would you try to RP with me today? Do you hold grudges? I do. There are certain people who I will never speak to again if I don't have to.

I like to give everyone a fair shot, but when your approach is "wanna rp?!" or you come off too arrogant or stand-offish, I simply do not have the time. Writing the stories is easy, finding the right partners is the challenge here.
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I don't really think you're wrong to not want to rp to jerks. If they don't bother to bond with you at least a bit or get to know your kinks/style before they rp with you, chances are that they aren't going to be good at rping
 
I agree that nobody is wrong for not wanting to RP with jerks but I disagree that somebody is a jerk because they don't want to bond. Some people just wanna write, they aren't looking for a deep connection to whom they write with. So long as they understand the kinks and the writing style and are okay with it, I'd say that's enough if it's all you need. I definitely disagree that jerks are bad at RPing, I don't think there is much of a correlation between skill and how friendly one is and if there is, it leans the other way. Anti-social people are more likely to be sticklers for grammar, syntax and making everything look and read perfect where somebody like me really doesn't care too much.
 
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