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Conflicting Desires (Javorcek x ClearSight)

Bellamy turned to look at Sasha and David when Charlotte posed the question about why she received a text. Even if her heart told her that Charlotte was right, she failed to convince herself that things were fine. After all, even if their day together made for a romantic one, it did little to solidify the relationship. What they were as a pair remained vague. Bellamy didn't exactly know much about dating, but she assumed most people said it out loud if they decided to date.

"You never know, Charlotte. If anyone asked you previously, would you have told them I was straight?" Bellamy asked, thinking that there would be no doubt in anyone's mind. After all, if her parents and grandparents thought otherwise, they would have made a big deal about it long ago. Of course, Charlotte knew more than them, had an idea of her history with Sasha. Perhaps she had a different viewpoint. If only her viewpoint didn't immediately focus on the obscene!

Bellamy glared across the table, her eyes less aggressive than those of someone truly angry. "I'm not sure my previous relationships even deserve titles like 'bottom.' I'm not even sure I want to call them relationships after being with Sasha, even if I'm not sure what we have is a real relationship either. That's actually more why I called you than anything." Bellamy didn't outright say it, but the insecurity that seemed to plague her showed on her face.

Fortunately, Charlotte remained a good friend aside from a few teasing remarks, even deciding to stay. She mentioned that David was cute, but Bellamy knew enough to feel thankful.

---

"Thanks..." Bellamy accepted the beer and lambic Sasha brought her, both being things she never would have purchased for herself. Still, while she hated the beer, she didn't mind the sweet drink Sasha brought as a replacement, even lighting up a bit at the flavor.

The fact that Sasha remembered her taste for fruity drinks embarrassed her, but more than that, she felt warm, smiling as she sipped at the beverage. Her smile waned a bit as she watched Sasha and David get along so well, downing beers and having fun. It pushed Bellamy to participate, trying to beat David at darts in a competition he didn't know he was part of.

"I'm more coordinated than this..." Bellamy muttered as she lost yet another unofficial competition with David, the one in her head that many glares accompanied.

However, as the night went on and things continue going well, Bellamy noticed something strange, enough so for her animosity towards David to cool. Sasha seemed worried. She was having fun, drinking, and playing darts with a smile on her face, but she looked hesitant when they were closer. In fact, it happened several times, but Sasha always pulled away before Bellamy could figure out what was going on.

Then, she realizes what was going on, and her heart surged with emotion. She felt euphoric, though the slight smile on her face was met with a serious, confident look as she bent down the rest of the way and kissed Sasha. She didn't care who was watching, nor did she feel nervous or embarrassed about it all. Well, maybe a little shy, but not because of other people watching or knowing. She just wanted Sasha to like it.

"I'm having a great time. I enjoy everything when I'm by your side. I always have," Bellamy spoke with a gentle voice, their foreheads touching as they stood there in their own world. In fact, without giving a damn about anything else, Bellamy raised her hands and cupped Sasha's face, stroking her cheek with her thumb. Without another word, she kissed Sasha again, displaying a surprising amount of forwardness for the woman who normally needed Sasha to drive their time together.

"Sasha..." Bellamy wanted to tell her exactly how she felt, but she knew it wasn't the right time, not until she settled everything else. As much as she hated it, her mind traveled to her family and Jared. Although she never officially accepted the engagement, not meeting him the night she was supposed to and rejecting his disgusting advances after, the consensus was that she was engaged, her feelings not important. That needed to change.

Bellamy kissed her one more time, not caring that practically everyone would have seen them by now, their intimacy going far longer than either had intended. Then she smiled brightly and asked, "Will you teach me how to play darts?"
 
A shiver ran through her her small frame from the caring thumb stroking her cheek. It was such a tiny gesture, but the fact that Bellamy was taking charge for the moment meant a lot. As the dominant one in her relationships, Sasha was used to being the one to initiate physical contact or guiding how encounters went. It was nice to be doted on for the moment, reassuring even, especially when she had a lot conflicting feelings about what they were doing and where this was all going.

Maybe it was enough to just...let things play out? Maybe her master plan of ‘pretend this isn’t happening and there are no consequences’ might actually work. She couldn’t deny that what was happening right now felt good, really really good.

“Of course, I’d love to.” Sasha brightened at the request. Teaching Bellamy to throw darts gave her lots of reasons to touch her. With every adjustment she made to the other girl’s body, her fingers lingered just a little longer than they needed to. Proper positioning helped immensely, at least the other girl wasn’t sending darts into the backboard anymore. By Bellamy’s second round, she managed to nail one bullseye and all of her darts were actually in areas that scored points, a feat that was rewarded with yet another kiss for the evening.

—————————

The four of them split into teams and played 301 for awhile, then Sasha showed them how to play Cricket which Charlotte was surprisingly good at (she couldn’t hit a bullseye to save her life but was good at locking out numbers). It was a little after midnight when they all decided to call it a night. Charlotte was starving and David was getting tired. Sasha wasn’t quite ready to split up from Bellamy yet, and so, even though she knew it was a bad idea, even though she knew she was laying the groundwork for more of this and leaving absolutely no safeties in place, she still asked, “Do you want to come back to my place?”

——————-

The two of them ended up back in her apartment, on the living room couch. There was a movie on but Sasha wasn’t paying any attention to it, she was too busy snuggling up under a throw blanket with Bellamy and kissing her. Too tired for anything more than a make-out session and some heavy petting until the movie ended, the two of them stumbled off to bed a little while later. None of the pajamas Sasha owned could possibly fit Bellamy, so the pair slept naked, tangled up in one another for warmth.

—————————

Sasha woke up the next morning with a warm body next to her. The surprise that hit her quickly faded as she recalled the events of last night. She grinned, snuggling into a sleeping Bellamy and planting a few kisses on her shoulder. She didn’t stay and wait for the other girl to wake up though; Sasha was an early riser and wasn’t one to just lay around in bed after she was awake.

She carefully snuck out of bed and grabbed a shirt and pajama bottoms without making too much noise. Her body still had that pleasant ache from yesterday, for a brief moment she thought about hopping into the shower to help her muscles unwind...but she figured she could convince Bellamy to join her for that once the other girl woke up. She decided she’d make them a nice big breakfast instead. After moving around a bit she found she was starving from the lack of a proper dinner. So she whipped up some pancakes, Canadian bacon, and eggs, hoping the smell of food would lure her lover out of bed.
 
Love was a word Bellamy rarely thought about. In her life, how many instances of love did she manage to see? Her parents? No. They were amicable, but they couldn't be said to be in love. Her grandparents were even worse, with their relationship being no better than a happy business partnership. Love had no place in their world, with benefit and profit standing above the simple happiness of enjoying someone's company. Even her friends, Charlotte excluded, held onto the same principles. Bellamy was different.

Bellamy remembered the first time she met Sasha. She was a dumb kid back then, but her personality was already withdrawn; at least it was around most people. Sasha managed to bring out the kid in her. When they were together, she smiled and laughed. They played around, teasing one another. Bellamy never did those things with anyone else. Even Charlotte saw a calmer, less emotional side of her. They were friends, and Bellamy had opened up a lot since then, but as a kid, Sasha was special, and she didn't even know it. Sasha had no idea that the Bellamy before her didn't even know what love was.

She loved her when they were kids, even if it scared the immature her of then, and she still loved her now. Bellamy felt that way the entire night, sinking into the happiness that came with seeming to finally grasp what had eluded her for her entire life: love and happiness.

Even if the usual Bellamy would have ignored a game like darts, she had played it for Sasha, and she enjoyed it. Even the team version and the Cricket thing after, which she was awful at, were fun. Nothing with Sasha seemed dull, and their night after continued the trend, giving her an entire night of affection. No sex, no kinky debauchery, just them being together. Her mind kept experiencing the same emotions, the same joy, the same pleasant thoughts that lacked the anxiety and worry that had weighed on her since their first night together.

So, when she woke up for breakfast the next morning, the world seemed bright, and she felt playful and cheery. Bellamy smiled, rolled out of bed, and barely put on enough clothing to cover herself before walking out, not shy to show off the body she knew Sasha loved over breakfast. Of course, the meal that followed remained as surreal as everything else, but after stealing a bit of food off of Sasha's plate and a few kisses, reality sunk in, and it felt great.

What happened after... Well, she paid for the bite of Canadian bacon she snagged. Then, after a reluctant goodbye, one she stretched out with kisses and whining that said more than actual words ever could, she left; Bellamy, like it or not, had to return home.

---

The spell seemed somewhat broken when she returned home, immediately finding herself on the receiving end of more than a few disapproving gazes. As if they were waiting for her, both her grandparents and her mother were home, and she didn't make it to her room before she was called into the parlor. The very fact that they were all present made it obvious that she was the sole focus, and the tongue lashing she received after only drove the point home.

"You can have as many affairs as you want after you're married, so don't be impatient!" The words rang in her head, so absurd that she let her expression slip and stared at her grandmother with disbelief. In response, she went on for a few more minutes, making a case as to why affairs before marriage mattered more. Basically, once the families were linked, a divorce would be more shameful than an affair, but it wasn't the same before.

There may have been a day when she would have nodded and pretended it was all normal, too indifferent to the ramblings to pay it any mind. However, she felt a bit of outrage as she listened, which came out in the form of her making a comment about having no interest in Jared, so she didn't care about what people thought. However, instead of taking it for what it was, her grandmother just started going on again, telling her that it was normal not to like her partner early on in the relationship. By the time she was released, Bellamy was exhausted.

That evening, she sent Charlotte a text, seeming to understand that her next move with her family needed to be a drastic one. She always knew their stance on marriage, but now, she couldn't remain as indifferent. While she didn't believe Charlotte had the answers, she always made a good sounding bar, more and more as of late. After all, Bellamy finally had something she wanted to talk about, and it was enough for her to text, even if she used way too many emojis.

---

The weekend passed quickly, and the beginning of the week flashed by just as fast. Fortunately, work was far more pleasant than being at home for Bellamy, both the law and Sasha waiting for her at the office. However, just as she thought she escaped the misery of her family, they invited her out to lunch. Apparently, the fact that she spent both evenings with Sasha before returning home late had them worried.

With a huff, Bellamy told Charlotte where she was going, confiding in her quite often of late. Then, she told Sasha she was heading to lunch, not telling her the details because she had yet to tell her family about her most recent decision. She didn't want to bring them up to Sasha until things were final. She planned to tell them she wouldn't marry Jared, that she never wanted to, and that she already had someone she loved. Then, she would tell Sasha the same thing... Everything. She would explain the thing from their first night together, how she never said yes and only wanted to buy herself time, and that... she loved her.

Only, the moment she arrived at the restaurant her family insisted upon, she was met with them... and Jared.
 
“Hey! Come on!” Sasha huffed as Bellamy stole one of the delicious pieces of bacon off her plate, narrowly missing the other girl with her fork in retaliation. She glared, eyes bright and mischievous as she plotted her revenge.

Payback happened in the shower, Sasha spending the majority of it biting and edging Bellamy until the other girl nearly slid down the wall. With giggles at the near disaster, they finished rinsing off. Bellamy had made it clear she needed to go back home anyways, so they shouldn’t goof around for too long... But after kissing and pawing at each other after they had gotten dressed, it was clear that neither one wanted her to go.

——————

Charlotte spent most of her Saturday and part of her Sunday texting Bellamy about her plans to break off her engagement to Jared. It was obvious that she was in love with Sasha, at least to Charlotte anyways. She had never ever seen Bellamy so happy with someone, so happy she had even ignored that they were at a dive bar that was far below people of their standing.

While an engagement to Sasha wasn’t guaranteed, the girl was still a Reigns. Lesbian or not, if Bellamy could nail her down, it was still a prestigious family to marry into. At least....that’s what a liberal or open-minded person would think anyways. The Wainwrights were ultra-conservatives...and that was the major problem with any plan Bellamy or her thought up. On paper the Reigns' were even better off than the Westons....but there was this glaring issue where Sasha had two moms, and if Bellamy married her, she’d be a sinning lesbian married to an abomination that had been made in a lab and who had not been ‘granted the miracle of life’ by God.

Honestly, Charlotte thought the Wainwrights were all crazy religious fanatics, except for Bellamy. She often wondered how her friend turned out so normal growing up with all -that.-

She gave her advice and her reassurances, even going as far as to insist that Bellamy had a place to stay if all her plans backfired. She couldn’t keep the Wainwrights from destroying Bellamy’s social life or cutting her off, but she could keep her old friend from being totally destitute until she got back on her feet. All of Charlotte’s money, property, and investments had been placed into an irrevocable trust by her mother before she passed away. Absolutely nothing had been left to Charlotte’s father...who was probably lowest life form to ever have walked the earth. He had been running around with mistresses when her mother had first gotten diagnosed with cancer. Of course her mother had found out and had locked up everything so tight, there was no chance of him getting a penny from Charlotte.

So now she had all the money she’d ever need for 10 lifetimes. Might as well put it to good use by helping out a friend.

———————

Jared Weston was a planner.

He had reserved an outdoor table at a popular, lovely restaurant near Bellamy’s workplace. He had insisted her family come and have lunch with them so that they could watch the display. He had done everything in his power to ensure that Bellamy would quietly agree and not make a scene - surrounded by her family and strangers, she had no other choice.

As far as the whole marriage bit went, Jared didn’t care one way or another. It was probably best to settle down sooner rather than later before all the good ones were taken. His parents approved of this match and he supposed Bellamy was beautiful enough and she came from good stock. She was a little muscular for his tastes but that would work itself out once she stayed at home and took care of their children.

He waited until the end of their meal to pop the question, once everyone was fat and happy. “Well, Bellamy. I know we haven’t courted for very long, but we’ve known each other for many years.” He smiled, charming as usual, and got up to get down on one knee, careful not to scuff his shoes in the process. “I was wondering if you would do me the honor of marrying me?”

———————-

Sasha was walking back to the firm with David and Charlotte when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes were fixed on something across the street. On...on Bellamy and some...guy - was that an all grown up Jared Weston - some guy on his knee with a black box and a ring the size of a down payment of a house.

Sasha’s stomach dropped, her heart stopped beating, her ears started ringing, and all the color ran from her face.

She was going to be sick. She was going to be sick or she was going to cry and she didn’t want to be around another living soul if either of those things happened. So she ran, the nickname “Bambi” quite fitting at the moment because even in heels, she darted away as fast as a spooked deer.

“Sasha!” David shouted. “Hey! Wait up!” With his brow furrowed, he jogged after her, but even with his long stride it didn’t look like he was going to catch up. With a defeated sigh, he came back around to walk the rest of the way with Charlotte. “What the heck has gotten into her?”

“Maybe her lunch wasn’t agreeing with her,” Charlotte said with a shrug. But after taking a moment to look across the street to where Sasha had been staring, she knew immediately why the girl had run.

————————-

Taking one look at her after she had thrown up the contents of her stomach in the bathroom, Mrs. Wynn sent her home and told her to take tomorrow off for good measure.

Now she sat in her car, the thought of going back to her apartment made Sasha’s stomach drop again. She hurriedly opened the door, wretching a little bit but nothing came up this time. She couldn’t go back there... Even though the sheets on her bed were fresh, that didn’t erase the memory of what her and Bellamy had done in it.

With a heavy heart, she decided to go home to the Reigns estate.

——————-

When things quieted down, Charlotte knocked gently on Bellamy’s office door before letting herself in. She had a sympathetic look on her face, not here to judge or rub anything in, but looking for a little bit of clarity, “I’m guessing you didn’t tell Sasha you are supposed to be engaged...”
 
Bellamy spent the entire meal in misery. Between Jared's fake affection and her family's ridiculous fawning, she felt her stomach churning. After all, even though the entire meal screamed of a ploy to get her and him to sit down to a meal together, the subject of conversation rarely turned to Bellamy. If anything, she served as an uncomfortable table decoration, her role in the lunch about as important as her role after marriage. To her family and Jared, she served as nothing more than a fun little centerpiece.

Of course, Bellamy remained calm despite how much she hated everything about the meal. One, because she didn't plan to marry Jared, which made enduring his stupidity a time or two no big deal. Second, because her family would only be smiling for a bit, no doubt changing moods quickly when she announced her plan to reject Weston's heir. She could already imagine her grandfather's face, and while she took no delight in it, there was a certain sense of satisfaction at the thought of finally telling everyone how she felt about her so-called "engagement."

Unfortunately, Bellamy couldn't just come out and say all of that in public. Even though her next decision would likely sour the relationship between her and her family, she still felt the need to maintain a certain degree of decorum. She was a Wainright, after all. Even if she didn't take after them in many ways, she had the same upbringing and manners as any elite. At least, that was what she thought.

The moment Jared Weston proposed to her was one of the worst moments of Bellamy's life. While the scene may have been touching to some, as a person with eyes, she felt nothing but sick at the idea. In fact, even before Sasha's return, Bellamy hated the idea of marrying the man. He disgusted her, especially after what he did to her in her own home not long ago.

Bellamy felt stuck, though. While she hated everything about it, just saying no would lead to a headache. However, that was what she was going to have to do. Even though the idea of listening to her family freak out and "ruining their reputation" would be, Bellamy had a feeling all of that was part of Jared's game. Jared stood a snake among the grass, a predator who planned out every move, and after their last encounter, Bellamy knew enough to be wary.

However, before she voiced her rejection, she caught something out of the corner of her eye and turned her head, ignoring the proposal. She froze, not able to return to her senses until she heard David call out for Sasha, running to catch up to the fleeing girl.

Bellamy panicked, immediately rising from her seat without paying any mind to the flabbergasted people around her. Even the man proposing didn't matter, getting the cold shoulder as Bellamy stood and dashed away, not displaying any of her usual decorum as she run in the direction Sasha left.

From the beginning, Bellamy knew she couldn't catch up. However, knowing and trying anyway were two different things, and she couldn't stop herself from trying, even if it were hopeless.

---

By the time she reached the office, it was too late. Sasha threw up and got sent home before Bellamy could find her and tell her what happened. She wanted to tell her not to worry, to reassure her that nothing had changed, that she still wanted to be with her. Even if Sasha didn't believe her, Bellamy wanted to talk to her, but she couldn't.

Sitting in her office, Bellamy stared at the papers on her desk, long having zoned out. She barely even noticed Charlotte enter, looking up with a face full of worry as her friend walked inside and stood before her.

"She kind of knew," Bellamy said, her voice lifeless. "When we met again at the masquerade, we didn't know who the other was, and I used her as a way to avoid Jared. I alluded to what was going on, even if I never outright said anything. That's kind of how our entire relationship has been."

Bellamy and Sasha didn't really talk about their relationship or what they were. In fact, they rarely talked about anything serious at all. Even Bellamy's work at the community center and their hobbies remained shrouded in darkness, kept hidden by lust and unspoken affection. In a sense, Sasha didn't want to know any of it, and Bellamy was scared to tell her.

"I didn't say yes... I was even planning on saying no, even in public like that..." Bellamy didn't even realize it, but tears were starting to slide down her cheek. By the time she noticed what was happening, she was shaking, feeling sick to her stomach at the idea of losing Sasha.

"What do I do?" she asked, not sure if she was questioning herself or Charlotte.

---

One thing was certain, which was that Bellamy needed to return home and tell her family everything. Perhaps save the details, but they needed to know that she wasn't planning on getting engaged to Jared, that she had someone she loved, and that... they could make the next move. Even if they tossed her away and destroyed her career, none of it mattered. Compared to losing Sasha, her previous fear of losing her path forward seemed moot.

Only, when she arrived home, her family was strangely absent, not waiting to ambush her for a horrible family meeting or to demand explanations. In fact, the servants told her that they planned to discuss things over dinner, a surprisingly civil choice given their usual means. It left her off-kilter, disappointed even. She wanted to tell them her thoughts as soon as possible, yet she couldn't. All she could do was return to her room and wait as anxiety slowly ate away at her.
 
“-Knowing- is very different from kind of knowing... and seeing it all is something else all together... “
Charlotte frowned. She could relate to Sasha’s situation. Charlotte had always known that her father had affairs, but it was different to be truly confronted by it when her mother was sick and Charlotte had had to take time off of college to care for her.... and another thing entirely when he had remarried a little over three months after her mother had been buried. It was terrible, more awful than she could accurately articulate to her friend.

She moved closer, reaching a tentative hand out to pat Bellamy’s back as the other girl began to cry. They had never been particularly touchy friends, but Bellamy looked like she could use some reassurance. “I don’t know Bellamy...you’ll figure something out. Just hold it together for a little while longer...” Charlotte soothed, trying her best to keep the other girl from having a breakdown while at work.


———————

Jared had shown up to the Wainwright estate with a bouquet of roses and a charming smile. He had apologized profusely to Bellamy’s parents and grandparents. He had been so insensitive! Springing his proposal on Bellamy like that...he should have remembered how shy his sweet Bellamy was and arranged something more private. So here he was, ready to clear the air and wondering if he could be afforded a little bit of privacy with his skittish fiancé.

Of course the Wainwrights were so relieved at his gracious understanding that they let him right into her room.

He wasn’t waiting long for Bellamy to arrive. As soon as she came in, Jared ambushed her, pushing her into a nearby wall and being a lot more mindful of her willfulness this time around. “How dare you Bellamy?!” Jared growled, “You made a fool of me today! This marriage is happening. Our families have agreed to it, and it’s high time you accepted it. You want to run around with some poor bastard? Fine. Be a slut. But you’re going to be -my- slut first and foremost.”

He gripped at her blouse and pulled, flinching as something dug into his palm as he did so. In his hand was a pointy piece of plastic on a worn leather necklace. His face colored red in absolute rage as he inspected the little trinket. Engraved onto the guitar pick was ‘Bell’ and the year it had been given on one side and ‘Sasha’ on the other. “What the hell is this?!” He barked as he held up the necklace, furious, he remembered Sasha Reigns and her bitch of a mother.

————

“Mrs. Reigns, we are here to-“ the dean started.

“Mrs. Reigns and Mrs. Javorcek,” Alex interrupted, arms crossed and eyes narrowed as she stared down the three men who would judge this expulsion hearing.

“Mrs. Javorcek,” the man corrected, “The disciplinary council and the school board have convened to judge and bear witness this case respectively. This hearing is to decide the punishment of your daughter, Sasha Reigns. As you know we have a zero tolerance policy at this school for violence-“

“But you’ll tolerate boys ignoring consent and are just fine with them hurling hate speech?!” Alex barked, her temper flaring right out the gate. Sasha had told them both her side of the story. How Jared Weston had made a move on her, how he had kept pressing and pressing and tried to kiss her...so she had punched him. And in retribution he had gone on a long rant about how her moms were dykes and Sasha herself was a freak and a science experiment. Jared maintained that Sasha had just attacked him out of nowhere, that all this had been a simple misunderstanding, that Sasha had escalated a little disagreement by employing violence.

“That’s all hearsay! No one has come forward to support either of the kids’ sides. Obviously this woman cannot control her own temper or her daughter’s. It is clear that Sasha should not be here! Look at what she did to poor Jared! We should sue!!” Mr. Weston pointed to his son who sat next to him, sporting a very noticeable black eye.

At the mention of her temper, Alex looked like she was going to get up and throw Weston and his boy out the second story window. Things had devolved into a shouting match after that: Mr. Weston demanding expulsion and an apology and Mrs. Javorcek telling him exactly where he could stick such an apology. Mrs. Reigns seemed to be the only level headed one throughout, finally saying that they were leaving and that they would be pulling Sasha from the school, no matter what the disciplinary board decided. But that wasn’t before Alex had a chance to humiliate Jared and his father in front of the board, the headmaster, and the deans, “You know what, Weston? We are very sorry. I taught my daughter that there’s no honor in beating up the weak, and she seems to have had a slight lapse on that lesson when dealing with your pathetic son.”

——————-

“Is that who you’ve been whoring yourself out to?! That- that abomination?!” Years and years after prep school, Sasha Reigns and her family still infuriated Jared. His rage was all the more compounded by the fact that she was apparently back in his life now, fucking his soon to be wife.

“I’ve had enough of this bullshit Bellamy!” he snarled, pressing against her, still half hard and ready to claim what was his. “You are going to stop playing coy. You are going to accept my proposal and service my needs or I am going to out you and that stupid little bitch you’ve been running around with!”
 
Bellamy knew she had a lot of hardship in front of her with her family. She was prepared to tell them the truth and accept whatever that meant. However, never did she expect to be confronted by Jared, especially not in her home, her room even. Before she could react, she was pushed into the wall, her memories from their last encounter appearing in her mind. Her first instinct was to lash out, to get him away from her, but he seemed ready, and when she tried, he easily stopped her.

"Fuck you, Jared!" Bellamy yelled. She rarely cursed, but no other words were strong enough to express just how much she hated the man using force on yet for the second time. He was scum!

It didn't help that the first words out of his mouth were about the marriage, which Bellamy had already planned to pull out of. She only found herself more convinced now, enough that she would rather die than allow it to happen.

However, her anger was doused with panic in the next moment, with Jared reaching up and ripping at her blouse, his words ringing in her ears. What did he plan on doing? And in her own room! "Let go of me!" she shouted, struggling against him, going so far as to hit him with a strong fist when he was distracted by her necklace.

Unfortunately, he seemed too angry to notice her punch, barely flinching as the rage in his eyes intensified, and he barked at her about the necklace. The gift from Sasha, the one she had kept for years. She always kept it close to her heart, and now it was being sullied by his hand. Bellamy hated it, but he didn't give her time to be angry, his insults and assault continuing in the next moment.

When he pressed against her, she felt it, and if she hadn't been aware of his intentions before, they became particularly apparent with his next words. Bellamy's entire body went cold.

Never in her life had Bellamy been so frightened, but she felt as if it was for all the wrong reasons. She wasn't scared of people finding out about her and Sasha; that was already part of her plan. She didn't even really fear his attack. What she feared was Sasha finding out about it and seeing her differently. Her first thought was of losing the beautiful smile she loved so much, of losing the woman she loved so much. Jared and her family had already tried to ruin it once, and she would be damned if she were going to let it happen again.

However, Jared had his own plans, not waiting for her to react before ripping at her blouse yet again as he tried to turn her around. In his mind, a bitch took it from behind, and Bellamy was nothing but.

Bellamy struggled, crying out as her arm was twisted in a strange direction, used as leverage by the much larger man in an attempt to wrestle away her ability to fight back. Desperate and fueled by panic, she leaned in and bit into the hand that was grabbing her arm, sinking her teeth in hard enough to take a chunk of flesh if he refused to release her.

"You bitch!" he shouted, letting go of her blouse and smacking her across the face hard enough to daze her.

Dizzy and barely able to focus on what was going on, Bellamy kneed at the man, catching him in the stomach. She only managed to make him stumble back a step, though, and he reached out for her yet again, more determined than ever to hear her beg like a good little whore.

"You're going to be my toy for the rest of your life, Bellamy! Stop fighting it!"

Jared had lost his mind. Even if nobody heard him, the marks on Bellamy's body would tell enough of a story for anyone. Fortunately, his anger had caused him to be clumsy, and when he grabbed at her again, Bellamy sent her head out, smashing it into his nose.

Blood poured out, and before he could recover, she sent every ounce of power she had into her leg, smashing it between his legs. When he went down, she didn't stay to say anything or look back to make sure he was down; she simply fled.

Bellamy didn't remember what happened after that. She knew she lost her purse, but somehow she still had her keys. Did she leave them on a hook by the door? She could barely remember how she got them, but she had them. Everything else was a blur, even the drive and where she ended up. By the time she came to, she was standing in front of Charlotte's door, beaten and tattered, holding her clothes together with her hand, not knowing what to do. She didn't even have her phone. In the end, she managed to reach out and press the doorbell, her eyes dull and her body heavy.
 
Most people didn’t drop by Charlotte’s home unannounced, so when the doorbell rang, she was a wary. She hadn’t ordered anything and it was too late for deliveries. One peek out the peephole had her immediately swinging the door wide open.

“Jesus Christ.” Charlotte gasped, gawking at Bellamy. “Come on, come in,” she motioned her inside but didn’t touch her, and sat the other girl down on the couch. She grabbed a throw blanket for her and draped it around her shoulders, assessing Bellamy as she did so. “Do you want to go to the police? Or...the hospital?” She asked as she sat down on the coffee table, right in front of the other girl. She didn’t want to believe the worst, but looking at Bellamy’s clothes that were tattered and had a little bit of blood on them, as well as her dull eyes, well, Charlotte couldn’t help her mind from jumping to that conclusion.

Ms. Stubs, the feral three legged cat who had belonged to her mother hobbled down the stairs to investigate. Usually an awful little gremlin, the black tuxedo cat seemed to know when people were suffering, she had spent a lot of time with Charlotte’s mother after her chemo treatments. Ms. Stubs leapt onto the couch next to Bellamy, stretching out and then settling down to purr loudly next to her.

——————————-

Sasha was awoken by stomping feet, the sound of hooks rattling against a curtain rod, and harsh light streaming in her face.

“Get up.” Alex said gruffly after she had opened the curtains. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, picking up the empty vodka bottle off the floor and setting it on the nightstand on her way. “We’ve let you be depressed in here long enough.” Sasha had gone into her room mid Thursday, stayed in there all of Friday, and now it was Saturday and her mother had had enough.

“No.”

“-No-?” Alex’s voice took on a note of warning. “Even though you don’t share any of my genes, you’re more like me than I’d like to admit sometimes.” Alex sighed. Sasha never had really low lows, not like she had...but the girl did have her very unhealthy coping skills. “Look, Mama’s all dressed up for a run and waiting for us, come on, get up. You can sweat off the hangover.”

“No,” Sasha whimpered this time, curling up into a little ball closer to her mother.

“Sweetie, what happened?” Oh she hated asking that question, not because she didn’t care but because she felt helpless with whatever response gave. Half the time she never knew what to do or what to say. Tessa was always the one to do this kind of thing....she was far more nurturing than Alex.

Once the question had been asked, Sasha let it all out between sobs. That she had run into Bellamy Wainwright, that the two of them had slept together. That they kept sleeping together.... She had been stupid and done it even though she knew she shouldn’t have. They had gotten close, gone on a date, Sasha had thought it was all going somewhere...and then she had stumbled upon Bellamy getting proposed to by Jared Weston. And Bellamy had to know she had seen her! She had to of! They had made eye contact! And Bellamy hadn’t called or texted her or anything since Thursday. The other girl couldn’t even bother to apologize to her for hiding the extent of her relationship.

“Aw...kid...” Alex sighed, definitely not the right parent for this task right now. The first time Bellamy Wainwright had broke her kid’s heart, she had wanted to march right up to that estate and break a 16 year old’s knees. It had been obvious, at least to Alex, that Sasha had been in love then and was in love now. Her kid was too sensitive for her own good, falling in love and falling hard if she didn’t place up boundaries...just like her.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two...but the Wainwrights, they’re not like us. As much was I feel like grandma and grandpa are a world away from me, those people aren’t even in the same solar system as us.” Alex gently ran her fingers through Sasha’s hair while her little girl cried in her lap. “It’s okay to be torn up about it...but it’s not okay to lie in bed and drink yourself senseless. So I mean it, you’re going to get up, you’re going to come for a run with mama and I, then you’re going to take a shower because you smell like a bar....Then we’ll all find something to do together today to take your mind off it.”

Sasha wanted to argue, she wanted to say that Bellamy was nothing like her family. Her Bellamy was sweet and kind and accepting and wonderful... But she didn’t really have a Bellamy, did she; Bellamy belonged to Jared Weston.

————————

Sasha was dreading going into work Monday morning. Her mothers had gotten up early with grandma and grandpa to have breakfast with her and fuss over her. Mama even drove her to work so that she could offer words of encouragement...and probably to take the car away so that Sasha couldn’t just retreat and blow off her internship if things got too hard being around Bellamy.

She had just put down her bag and powered on her computer when David knocked gently on her door and came in with the same smile people used when they were about to offer their condolences. “Hey...I heard about what happened. I’m really sorry about you and Bellamy, if you need to talk-“

“How did you hear about that?” Sasha interrupted. She hadn’t told anyone, had Bellamy? Was Bellamy even here today?

“You were, um, on the news this morning,” David replied nervously, not wanting to be the one to break the news.

“I was what?!”

Sasha immediately searched her name on the internet, finding a couple of article headlines that briefly spoke about a ‘Reigns and Wainwright scandal.’ There was a brief candid clip someone had caught on their phone, time stamped for Sunday: Mr. Wainwright going off at what looked like a country club to some of his supporters. “If my opponent cannot keep his own household in order, what makes anyone think he will uphold our religious rights when he cannot maintain his own home? First it was his cousin, now, his so called niece Sasha Reigns. Home wreckers and a sinners, the whole family! Daring to corrupt -my- child with her evil-”

“No, no no no no no.” Sasha groaned, shutting off her phone and hiding her face in her hands because she couldn’t stand to listen to one more second of Bellamy’s father convincing his supporters that Sasha was an evil temptress sent from the Devil, or whatever other bullshit he was spouting. “He’s not even really my uncle! My grandmother just makes me call him that! And he just lives at the estate with us because the place is huge and my grandfather is one of his advisors!”

“I’m sure no one even checks the news Sasha. Everything will be fine,” David tried to reassure.
 
Bellamy appeared lost for words when Charlotte ushered her into the house, barely responsive. However, upon hearing Charlotte start asking about the police and the hospital, she managed to regain some sense of clarity.

"No," Bellamy didn't say anything for a time, turning her head and looking at the odd cat by her side. She reached over and gave him a few pets, distracting herself and letting the haze covering her brain to fade a bit before turning to Charlotte.

"He didn't manage to... I got away." Bellamy didn't deny what Charlotte was thinking. It was the truth that Jared tried to rape her. Worse still was the situation. How could she go back to that home or that room? How could she trust any of those people. Even if the logical side of her said that they wouldn't let him do that, she couldn't convince herself enough not to shake at the thought.

"I... I can't go back home, Charlotte. Sorry to just show up, but... I could use a place to stay," Bellamy's voice choked up, and she was on the verge of tears. She wanted to tell her friend what happened and explain everything properly, but she couldn't vocalize what happened. How could she tell someone that her family had let a man into her room and that he had tried to force her own room?

"I may need to stay for a while too..." Bellamy's hands were clenched into fists. She didn't want to cry. She hated being weak. Even in front of Charlotte, someone she considered a true friend, the bit of pride she always carried with her came out. However, it didn't take long before she lost control, starting to sob. What use was pride when she showed up beaten and tattered? What use was pride when her own family betrayed her? What use was pride when nobody would even believe her if she went back and told them the truth?

---

The next few days were the laziest of Bellamy's life. She spent more time petting Charlotte's cat, napping, and drinking than she did anything else. Not that she had anything else to do. While Charlotte fed her and told her not to worry about anything, she felt odd about not having money or a phone. She couldn't even call Sasha... and she really wanted to. She wanted to see her so badly, to explain.

None of that was possible, though, or perhaps she was just scared. She felt so annoyingly fragile that the idea of being rejected after everything else horrified her, and she let it.

Still, there was one thing that she didn't mind, which made everything feel somewhat worth it. She was free. Even if the ending was horrible and there would be voices trying to convince her that what she was doing was wrong or immoral, she didn't care. After everything, she didn't owe any of them a thing. Even if Jared hadn't told them everything about her and Sasha, they would learn from her soon enough... As soon as she got the new phone that she ordered on Charlotte's computer.

Until then, she planned to drink, to wallow, and pet the adorable cat that followed her around whenever she felt down.

---

Monday came faster than expected, but Bellamy still had no intentions of leaving Charlotte's house. At least she looked a little better, her injuries healing and her morning drinking pretty much gone... mostly. Bellamy had never been a big drinker, but there was never a better time to indulge than now. Still, she knew she couldn't keep going in that way, and after Charlotte got onto her about it, she meekly nodded her head and cut back.

After rolling out of bed, she walked towards the kitchen. If she wouldn't have burned the house down, she would have made breakfast for Charlotte, but they both knew better than that. Instead, they had a simple meal, and before Charlotte left for the office, she gave her a warning.

"Don't tell Sasha about any of it. I don't want her to know..." Bellamy said, feeling chipper enough to give her a glare, though it lacked the usual sharpness.

---

It wasn't long after Charlotte left that Bellamy began playing around on her computer, needing to send a few emails and make sure things were in order. After all, she was not only taking off work, but she wouldn't be able to go to the community center, meaning she had to get in touch with the director and have him tell her Little. Not having a phone was so inconvenient.

After she finished her business, she started to browse around, and at that point, she saw it, the video on the internet, the horror show that caused her to jump from her chair and rush out the door.

---

It was barely an hour later when Bellamy showed up at her father's office. She rarely acted without considering the consequences, but after seeing the video of her father losing his mind and attacking Sasha, she couldn't sit still.

"Who do you think you are?!" Bellamy's shouts echoed out of the office, causing her father's secretary to flinch. He quickly looked around and made sure nobody else was close enough to hear, ushering those who approached away.

"Bellamy, how dare you! Lower your voice!" Her father had been furious far before she arrived, and upon seeing her in the flesh, his anger rose. He didn't even seem to notice the still visible wounds on her usually pale, flawless skin.

"No, I will not!" Bellamy didn't slam anything around or attempt to make a bigger scene, but she couldn't control the volume of her voice or the disappointment clouding her face.

"You attacking Sasha will never happen again!" Bellamy shouted, getting right to the point.

"Excuse me?!" The man stood up and glared at his daughter, unable to believe what he had just heard. She was defending the Reigns girl. How dare she do that instead of apologizing for the humiliation their family had suffered because of her.

"You heard me! If you continue to attack her, I will make sure the entire political world knows that you all let Jared into my room, and he attempted to rape me in our home! I don't care if everyone finds out and assumes he succeeded, and I don't care if it means ruining the entire family!" Bellamy was shaking, though whether it was all from anger, she didn't know. She just knew that she wouldn't let her family attack Sasha, not if she had anything to do about it.

---

Although her father hadn't known what happened, upon hearing Sasha's words, he seemed less concerned about her than the idea of having the story spread to the tabloids. It was a reaction that Bellamy expected, even if seeing it in-person hurt.

After that, neither had much to say. Her father grew angry and said a few choice words, but he didn't disagree. Then, he sent her out, needing to make some phone calls. No doubt, he wanted to inform the rest of the family about her little rebellion. Bellamy didn't care. Now, there was nothing else to talk about with them. After her outburst, after her defending Sasha, they wouldn't bother with her. In fact, as horrible as it was, Jared attacking her in her room gave her the leverage she needed to keep them at bay.

What she hadn't expected was a bunch of her stuff showing up at Charlotte's later that day... with a note from her mother among the luggage. A small note, with a few words, "I'm sorry, and I love you." It didn't ask her to return home, nor did it ask her to reconsider. She just apologized, and among the things in the luggage was even the necklace, the little guitar pick that she thought was lost.
 
Things weren’t fine...but they could have been worse.

The majority of people, when polled, weren’t horrified by LGBT rights or gay marriage. Mr. Wainwright’s base was just a very loud minority. Her ‘uncle’ managed to spin the whole thing to show that Wainwright was a stubborn old bigot, unable to change his ways and match Christian values to the modern age. This nonsense where politicians forgot about a separation between church and state was one of the things that drove Sasha absolutely crazy about politics; she couldn’t wait to get into the political ring one day and really piss people like Wainwright off.

After drafting a statement for Mrs. Wynn that the firm was an equal opportunity employer, upheld all aspects of the Civil Rights Act, and was angered that Mr. Wainwright would lash out at one of their employees based on her sexual orientation, it was lunch time. Mrs Wynn also offered the firm’s services free of charge to Sasha in case she wanted to pursue a defamation lawsuit...but the girl just wanted this hell of a circus to be over and politely declined. Hopefully by the weekend some other politician somewhere would say something stupid and everyone would forget about all this.

Lunch time came and Sasha went out with David as she always did. Bellamy wasn’t at the office today, so Charlotte tagged along for some company. Sasha had spent her whole morning trying to hold it together that she had nothing left by lunch time. She didn’t cry, but she couldn’t force a smile or was as talkative as usual.

“We could go out tonight to cheer you up? Margherita Monday over at that wing place. Drinking always helps me.” David smiled kindly, trying to cheer Sasha up. “Oh, how about Taco Tuesday and Ladies Night at the gay bar?”

The second bit made Sasha chuckle a little. They had seen the advertisement one of their first times walking about downtown, the unabashed crudeness in that marketing attempt had made them both laugh that day.

“Come on Sasha, I can play wingman for you.” David winked, knowing that would get a laugh out of her. David was -terrible- with women. He was kind and a gentleman...but every time he thought he was on the same page as a girl, it turned out the two of them were reading different books. He just...didn’t get them, at all, and that caused a lack of confidence that made him a disastrous wingman. It was easy for him to be a little more charming and funny around Sasha though, her being gay really took the pressure off...and she was genuine. He never ever felt like she was playing a game that he couldn’t understand.

“Pfft. Yeah, like I need your doofy ass as a wingman at a lesbian bar.”

“Hey there are bi girls!” David laughed. “I could do stuff! Some women like doofy.”

——————

Oh David had absolutely no idea how much some women liked nerdy oddball guys. If Sasha weren’t here, Charlotte might have actually thrown herself at him and kissed his oblivious, adorable face.

But the talk of Sasha going out and not only drinking, but also maybe finding someone to share those drinks with in a non-platonic way made Charlotte panic a little. Well...made her panic a lot.

Bellamy was an idiot!!

She loved her friend, but still, she was an idiot. 90% of her problems were due to not telling Sasha things in a timely matter. She was just waiting for things to be perfect, waiting for the stars to align or the Fates to grant their blessing or whatever idiotic sign the big idiot was waiting for.

Bellamy had told Charlotte not to say anything and now what was she supposed to do?!?! David and Sasha were joking, but Sasha was pretty and there weren’t a whole lot of lesbians to choose from down here! If they went to a gay bar, she was sure the women around here would scent out fresh blood like a bunch of hounds. Obviously Sasha wasn’t going to fall in love at a bar with some random person. But Bellamy would be so upset if she slept with someone else in an attempt to get over her! She had to do something...

“You know, Sasha, if you’re looking at going out...I know a nice girl.”

———————

When Charlotte got home, she made a little light chit-chat with Bellamy, the two of them agreed on dinner that would be delivered, and then they sat down together for a little TV. Traitorous Ms. Stubs was still clinging to Bellamy’s side as she had been for the last few days. They were comfortable and everything was settled...it looked like now would be a good time to fill in Bellamy about what had happened today.

“So...try not to be mad... but I kind of set Sasha up with my friend, Lorraine,”

———————-

It was a little after 9 on Friday when Charlotte’s phone went off. The caller ID read that it was Sasha and so the blonde motioned for Bellamy to be quiet and mute the TV before she put the call on speaker phone.

“I’m going to kill you.” Sasha’s voice came over as a low hiss. There was a little background noise, rumbling as if she were driving and Charlotte was on speakerphone in her car. “I am going to kill you and they won’t ever find the body!”

“Oh, what happened? Did your date not go well?” Charlotte played innocent, trying to keep the smile tugging at her lips from affecting her voice.

“No Charlotte, no it did not; you set me up with crazy woman who was old enough to be my teen mom!!” Sasha shouted, her voice cutting a little on mic because of her yelling.

“Lorraine isn’t that old! I think she’s only twelve years older than me. She’s very nice, very well off, and I hear she’s an excellent lover.”

“Well I don’t know how anyone would know, because she spent our entire date accusing me of trying to look at her license and calculate her age when the server carded us. And then she proceeded to just be batshit crazy and ask where I thought this was going. It’s a first date! Where the fuck is it supposed to go?!?”

“I’m sorry Sasha, I just wanted to help cheer you up....”

“Well, I guess I’m not depressed anymore, just shaking with rage, so you’ve definitely done something.” Sasha growled.

“You know, I know another girl if you want-“

“No! No. No thank you. If I want to date I’ll just download an app or something where I can filter out people way older than me and screen them for commitment craziness before being trapped in a public place with them.”
 
At first, Bellamy wanted to kill Charlotte. No matter her hospitality, no matter how much closer they had somehow grown over the past few days, no matter their long friendship, she wanted to kill her. The moment she mentioned setting Sasha up on a date, everything else fell away, leaving Bellamy trapped in a cycle of panic and anger that left her frozen, eyes glaring sharply at the person she blamed for all of it.

However, after Charlotte convinced her to calm down, something only possible because Mr. Stubs was occupying her lap and kept her from leaping across the room, Bellamy realized it wasn't as insane as it sounded. She still hated the idea of Sasha going on a date with someone else, especially because the implication of her moving on crushed her, but as long as it was Charlotte's friend, she had time to heal up and return to work. She was confident that once she did, she could explain everything and have a chance.

---

Things didn't go Bellamy's way. Not only was it taking forever to return to perfect condition, but her father and grandparents were driving her mad. They didn't know where she was, but they somehow got her number after she got her new phone. Probably, they found it after she informed the law office. Even if they weren't friendly with the firm, they had enough connections.

Mainly, Bellamy's grandmother was calling her constantly. The only person not hounding her was her mother, who hadn't done anything since sending over her things. Whether she was taking a step back or simply letting Bellamy figure things out for herself, it was a pleasant-enough response.

Her family was the least of Bellamy's concerns, though. Her main concern was Sasha and the date, which went horribly but lead to something far worse. She was still shell-shocked by what Charlotte said when she returned home, the thing about Sasha deciding to put herself on a dating app.

Aside from her immediate panic, the rest of her concern came from what she had just spent the last few hours doing, which was parading around in a bunch of different outfits and getting her picture taken. One after the other, Charlotte put her in outfits, ranging from a dress she would wear to a fancy dinner to casual clothes that showed just enough ab to be enticing. She even made her go for a run so they could get an "authentic" workout pic. She didn't know why Bellamy agreed to all of it, but it had something to do with her saying it could all help her get Sasha's attention.

"Trust me, this will work!" Charlotte told her, excited as she made Bellamy do everything she wanted. Abs, ass, her impressive figure, and even a smile she managed to coax out after talking about something cute Sasha did at work; she captured it all. Then came profile design, something Charlotte also tried to help with but failed. Instead, Bellamy had shooed her out of the room in the middle of it, deciding to write the profile herself.

While Bellamy tried to make it sweet and not go too far, by the time she finished writing it, her profile became something shocking, fully fleshed out, and loaded with information that only Sasha would understand. Words like "Bambi" and "puppy" and things like "the love of my life" filled the profile, coming off as incredibly sappy, maybe crazy to all the people who didn't know what the hell it all meant.

Then she waited, got impatient, and made the same profile on every popular app she could find, nervous Sasha had switched apps and wouldn't see it if she didn't. She never expected to get as many messages as she did, none of them from Sasha.
 
Sasha had an old profile on Tinder from when she lived in New York. It was filled with pictures of her with a bright smile on a snowy mountain with her snowboard, her and her moms’ cat, her out with some friends on a peak in the Catskills. Usually it was enough to attract other outdoorsy or athletic girls, which was just her type. Femme women her age were lovely to look at but usually just wanted to go clubbing or do indoor activities like go to the movies or shopping. Sasha didn’t mind being a homebody sometimes... and truth be told she’d probably be okay with anyone to just snuggle with right now. She was feeling pretty lonely and heart broken right now... not much of a really growly Domme like usual.

She was a little hesitant about looking for someone though. The date with Lorraine had left a really bad taste in her mouth. Plus it wasn’t healthy for her to just rebound like this...

But there was no harm in looking, right?

Sasha flopped onto her bed and pulled out her phone, loading up the app, updating her location and filters, and swiping through. There weren’t a ton of people in her area, but she looked through all the same...it didn’t take long for her to find a very familiar face looking back at her, sweaty and sexy and wearing a sports bra.

She shouldn’t click.

Shouldn’t.

Look.

She was already halfway through Bellamy’s profile before she could stop herself. Bellamy had to be the most adorable idiot she had ever met. While it infuriated the dominant part of her that she was half naked on Tinder, her profile was really sweet...in a very inappropriate way. A very naive, inappropriate way...

Bellamy had no idea what she was doing on a dating app, did she?

Sasha swiped to match with her, rapidly firing off a few messages:

[What the hell are you doing on here?!]

[And take down those pictures!]

[And change your damn profile!!]


———

“Oh my God. What have you done?!” Charlotte snatched the phone at the first dick pic she saw when the other girl checked her phone. “Two jobs. I gave you two things to do: write the profile and narrow down your settings. Set the dang filters to keep out men!”

Charlotte grumbled as she changed the app so it would keep men from messaging her, taking one glance at Bellamy’s profile and shaking her head. All of her hard work! Totally undone by her friend’s words! “You better hope this girl marries you, because there is no way you’d survive the dating world.”
 
Bellamy spent forever making profiles and staring at her phone, seeming as if she expected the match between them to happen at any moment. Fortunately, she figured out that she had to swipe people during her waiting, but she was impatient as usual, swiping over and over until she found Sasha's profile and smiling like a moron once she did. Only then did she click on her first profile, reading it with a mix of adoration and disappointment. If she were an actual puppy, her tail would be wagging, but her ears would have drooped. She saw Sasha! But she was on a dating site... Bellamy felt conflicted, more impatient than ever too.

Bellamy waited so long, an entire day, and nothing! Had Sasha seen her and rejected her? She had no idea, but she was sitting in bed, glaring at her stupid phone. Then, it happened, a match, one of many, but the only one she cared about.

"Sasha!" she cheered out loud, unable to control the nervous energy that had been building in her. The second she saw the messages, a smile formed on her face. Then she froze, unsure of what all to say. She didn't know how much time Sasha would give her, but she didn't want to waste time. So, after spending way too long on a single message full of nervous energy, she sent one back.

[I made a profile on here to find you because I heard you were looking for someone to go on a date with, and I was hoping you would give me a shot. I know I wasn't as open as I should have been about my situation, but I promise, there's nothing between Jared and me, and there never will be. Please, give me a chance to take you out on a real date and explain things. I'll do anything, Sasha.]

As for the profile and the pictures, she didn't care about those. The pictures had been Charlotte's idea in the first place, and the profile was only meant for one person, even if a lot of people seemed drawn in by it.

Unfortunately, with an improved mood, Bellamy walked out of her room and sat down in the living room, seeing what Charlotte was up to as she started going through the other messages. She was so happy, already caught up in the bliss of being "matched" with Sasha, that she started messaging every other person that had "liked" her to tell them she was taken. What she saw as she began doing that was... horrifying.

When Charlotte snatched her phone, she didn't even try to take it back, looking over at Charlotte with a dark face, as if everything she just witnessed was the other girl's fault. "I don't want to make it in the dating world. If my past relationships, Jared, or those disgusting cretins tell me anything, it's that people are disgusting." All of them but her adorable Sasha.
 
“Bellamy, you can’t write you’re, ‘A Puppy looking for her lost Bambi,’ in the catch line and not expect a certain type of person to message you.” Charlotte rolled her eyes at her friend’s disturbed glare and then gave her her phone back.

Charlotte was quiet for a moment, watching TV but unable to hold back her next question, “She really calls you ‘Puppy’?” Charlotte only asked because nothing about Bellamy’s looks or personality screamed ‘Puppy.’ Maybe ‘kitten’ because she could be rather proper and aloof, but definitely not ‘puppy.’

——————————

It definitely had not been a healthy choice to rebound like this....now she was just rebounding back into what had tossed her away in the first place.

Willingly.

There was something about Bellamy that had always gotten to her; when they were kids, teens, and now as adults, there was always something. Right now that something made her read the other girl’s profile over again and again while she waited for a response, a stupid smile playing on her lips as she did. Bellamy had embraced the nickname of ‘Puppy!’ Guh. And her pictures...beautiful as ever in some, absolutely delicious in others...

At least she had the fresh feelings of heartache, anger, and betrayal to kind of ground her. Emotions that rose to the surface when Bellamy finally wrote back. ‘Explain things’? ‘Explain things’?!?!?!??!! Bellamy had had an entire week to ‘explain things’ to her! Really she had had several weeks to explain her situation. And now that she thought about it, Bellamy still had their first kiss as teenagers and everything that had happened immediately after it to explain too!!

What was there to explain? She shouldn’t even give this girl the time of day. What could Bellamy possibly have to say to fix things??!!!?!!

Sasha grabbed her pillow, screaming into it because she was frustrated with herself. She needed to say ‘no, fuck off’ (well really what she had needed to do was to not match her or talk to her in the first place). But she just...couldn’t bring herself to do so. She wanted closure. And, in the end, curiosity ended up getting the better of her good sense.

[ONE date...and I reserve the right to bail in the middle of it if I don’t think it’s going anywhere.]

[I’m not looking for a lifelong commitment, but I don’t want my time wasted either. And I definitely do not want to play second fiddle to anyone, let alone Jared.]

[You have A LOT to explain. No lies or stupid socialite games or I’m going to punch you before I go home.]

Sasha had never ever left in the middle of a date. Even with Lorraine, she had stuck that out until the end, even when it devolved into a dumpster fire. But with Bellamy she needed boundaries, otherwise she knew she would do something stupid. Setting up an imaginary timer for herself and laying out expectations right away would help her stick to them. She had already been burned twice by this girl, she needed to make sure she was extra careful and extra ready to leave and not turn back. So she promised herself, if push came to shove, Sasha would ruin her internship and her career aspects in order to save her sanity. If this didn’t work out, she was going home to New York.

[I can’t keep doing this Bellamy. I’m really serious about this being your one shot.]

[Now take down your profile and text me before you get a bunch of creeps messaging you.]
 
"Yeah, well, it worked!" Bellamy shot Charlotte a look, one that bragged about accomplishing her goal with the line she apparently "couldn't write." Still, she agreed with one point; it attracted a lot of the wrong kind of attention. The last thing she wanted to see kept being sent to her, over and over, but by different men. Gross. All of them were gross.

Bellamy ignored the rest of the messages in her inbox, only focusing on Sasha's, her eyes shining with glee. Her mood rose so high that she didn't even flinch when responding to Charlotte's question, nodding her head enthusiastically. Perhaps too enthusiastically for such an embarrassing admission. "Yep, she does." She realized after, but even then, she only blushed for a second before refocusing on the conversation between her and Sasha.

When Sasha took a minute to respond, she deflated a bit, growing nervous, staring at her phone, the expression on her face mirroring what a puppy waiting for its owner would look like. While the normal Bellamy stood aloof and cold, she changed when she was close to someone, to a shocking degree. It was evident when she was around Charlotte, the two being old friends. Charlotte was also one of the few friends Bellamy saw as real. However, it was far more obvious with Sasha, to the point of making the brilliant, incredibly mature woman seem like an idiot.

As soon as Sasha responded, Bellamy perked up, and a smile spread across her face as she read the first text, then the next, and those after that. She let Sasha keep going, only starting to type when she stopped seeing new typing.

[I won't stop you if you decide I'm not worth it. But Sasha, even if you aren't looking for something serious, I am. I won't waste your time, and you never have been, nor will you ever be second to Jared.]

Bellamy grew a bit nervous, having summoned her courage to send the last message. After all, she had been nervous about scaring Sasha off, and now she decided to tell her just how serious she was. Perhaps not in as many words, but lifelong commitment... didn't sound so bad. To Bellamy, Sasha meant that much, and she never wanted to make her feel otherwise, even if she had.

[One date. I'll answer every question and tell you everything I've been misguidedly holding back.]

She paused again, gulping as she tapped in the final message.

[Thanks for giving me a chance. I'll take down all my profiles and text you. It's a new number, so don't block me.]

After that, she started deleting all of the profiles she made on different sites, a smile on her face as she rushed to finish the task. Only when she was done did she text Sasha, typing quickly.

[It's me. I want to see you as soon as possible, so just tell me when. I have the perfect date in mind.]

Be confident Bellamy, she likes confidence.

Right, all she had to do was be confident. She would pick up Sasha, take her somewhere special, and make sure the one date turned into something more. Fortunately, so many days of sitting around at Charlotte's, bored out of her mind, had led to her purchasing new clothes and... things. She was ready.

Bellamy turned to Charlotte after finishing the text, a bright smile on her face. "She said yes to a date!" She even had the urge to hug her, though she held back, barely.
 
Sasha had to wait a little while for Bellamy to text her, leading her to wonder how many profiles on how many different dating apps she had made in order to attract Sasha’s attention. She waited so long, she actually started pacing in her room, beating herself about agreeing to this because there was nothing else to distract her from her own thoughts. Time spent with Bellamy had always been wonderful...but it had grown so complicated as the years went by that the negatives were starting to outweigh the positives.

Just this last chance. At the very least you’ll get closure.

Bellamy was going to answer questions she had... Sasha of course had a ton of them, but she wasn’t quite sure she’d be able to ask them all....or any really. She wasn’t one to talk about her feelings, the adults in her life hadn’t really modeled such behaviors. She knew it was a thing people did but that level of depth and vulnerability made her uncomfortable.

Before she could freak herself out more than she already had, Bellamy finally texted her from her new number. Part of her wanted to ask why the new phone...but she figured it would be best that she kept things light so that she wouldn’t backtrack on the agreement they had made.

[How many profiles did you make exactly?]

It was an easy first question, one that opened the door to Sasha and Bellamy texting back and forth for the rest of the evening. Mostly about inane things, things that were easy for both of them to talk about. Things that wouldn’t scare an already skittish Sasha off. By bed time, Sasha had agreed to a date Saturday morning, and Bellamy gave her a bunch of instructions on what she should wear for it. It sounded like they were going on a hike, something Sasha loved to do.

By the time she set her phone aside and settled down for sleep, Sasha was actually looking forward to their date. Wary, but committed to actually going.

——————-

“Alex, there is a Ms. Bellamy Wainwright here to see Ms. Sasha. Shall I inform security to let her in through the gate?” James the butler had found Alex first, having heard her playing in one of the practice rooms. He had thought about continuing on to find one of the actual Reigns’, but Alex was always nice to the staff and actually bothered to call them by name, and so he thought he’d repay that kindness by informing her first.

Alex’s eyes narrowed. That jackass was here? After everything she had done, she was going to show up at this estate?!?!! Her daughter hadn’t been able to go back to her apartment all week because of whatever memories they had made together in there!!

When Sasha had said she was ‘going out today,’ Alex had thought that it would be with one of her work friends....not with this girl who kept breaking her heart. “Have her walk please, James, and have Stewart bring her car up.” Maybe a nice long walk would give the girl time to think about what she had done.

“Of course,” the old butler nodded and strode away.

————————-

Bellamy had told her to have a breakfast full of energy and dress as if she were going on a short hike that had lots of scrambles. So Sasha had thrown on a few light layers so she could strip down throughout the day, worn lighter hiking sneakers instead of her boots, and had filled up her camelback. She came out of her room and made her way to the front of the estate, Bellamy had texted her before she left so the girl should be here any minute now. She was prepared to just sit in the foyer and soak in her own nerves for a bit, but someone had already beaten her there. “Mom, what are you doing?” Sasha eyed her mother who was standing by the front door and peeking out the window with one of grandpa’s golf clubs in her hands.

“Waiting for your date to show up,” Alex said nonchalantly, as though it were the most normal thing in the world to be waiting by the door with a 9-iron. But what was she supposed to do? She was getting older! Strong and muscular she may be, but she was still nearing fifty and grey; if she planned on scaring Bellamy off, she’d need the help of a weapon and she wasn’t about to be some sort of southern barbarian and use one of her father in law’s rifles to do it....even though Mr. Reigns had already offered when she had taken the golf club, being very protective over his grandbaby himself.

Sasha looked at Alex, properly horrified that her mom was going to do this and embarrass her. “I’m getting mama!” Sasha knew better than to argue when her mother was like this, nothing would get resolved and Bellamy would surely just get treated to the sight and sounds of the two of them arguing....and probably still get threatened with a golf club. So she hightailed it out of there, searching for Tessa.

“Don’t you drag your mother into this!” Alex barked, but Sasha was already jogging away. Alex groaned. Great. Her kid was a tattletale. Well. There went her plan of using the golf club. If she threatened and meddled with weapons, her wife would be -really- mad...if she just did it without, Tessa would probably be more understanding of Alex’s craziness. She had always filled the role of overprotective father for their little girl, and it wasn’t going to change now when Sasha was 25!! ‘You have to let her make her own mistakes,’ ‘You can’t control her,’ Tessa had tried to make Alex back off so their little girl could grow up many, many times...but Alex was a little bit of control freak. She hadn’t suffered through months of meds and pregnancy just to leave her kid’s life up to chance!

Thankfully Bellamy showed up to the door before her wife could appear and stop her. Alex had already hidden the golf club in the coat closet as to not incur Tessa’s wrath, so unfortunately she was greeting the girl empty handed. “You have a lot of nerve coming up here, Bellamy.” Grey or not, with tattooed, muscled arms crossed and a face holding an impressive glare, Alex was still an intimidating force. “You’ve broken my daughter’s heart twice already - if you break it again, I’m going to break several somethings of yours. Are we clear?”
 
Bellamy spent a long time having a meaningless conversation with Sasha. After all, both of them were skirting a line, chatting back and forth through text messages without actually getting deep or heavy before their impending date. It wasn't difficult for Bellamy because she knew she couldn't explain everything without looking Sasha in the eyes. She knew none of it would be believable otherwise. Considering her track record, she couldn't blame Sasha for being hesitant, but it meant she had to be careful.

With the future in mind, the present texts remained light-hearted, a little sweet but mostly normal, the both of them trying to... talk... about anything.

[I lost count. I was nervous that I would miss you if I didn't cover all the popular ones.]

It started off that way, with Bellamy being an idiot, and it didn't get much better. Still, she managed to come off charming, in her usual way, which seemed enough for Sasha to lighten up a bit by the end. They even set a day for the date, which Bellamy had a thorough plan for.

The moment they said goodbye, she began to move, needing to start preparing immediately.

---

As good as the planning went, the day of the date had been nothing but a disaster. Charlotte had questioned her in detail about her plan, all of which she had scoffed at. Apparently, she didn't like the idea of going on a very active date when the point was sitting down and talking about things. Fortunately, Bellamy knew Sasha well enough to know she would like it. Besides, she didn't want anything high-society, and aside from nice restaurants and other "refined" things, Bellamy only knew so much. She had hobbies, but few of them provided the opportunity she needed to talk with Sasha and give her a chance to impress.

After enduring Charlotte's attempts to make things more romantic, something she already had a plan for, one suited for her and Sasha, she needed to pick a few last-minute things up. That went just as poorly, involving her having to wait around for far longer than she wanted. As if she hadn't suffered enough, the trials truly began upon arriving at the Reigns' estate. It seemed a few people weren't happy with her, meaning she had to endure a long, annoying walk from the street to the mansion.

Fortunately, Bellamy was in the right clothes, but it wasn't the appearance she wanted on her important date. Perhaps the only blessing was that Sasha wasn't there to see her pitiful arrival. Instead, it was Alex waiting for her, giving off the vibe of an incredibly angry mother.

The moment Bellamy saw Alex, she tried to straighten up, getting rid of her relaxed posture and hiding the tiny bit of sweat on her brow. She was in good shape, so she wasn't tired, but the sun was out, and the walk was long, leaving her a bit worse for wear.

As she stood there, she felt something unusual about the situation. Alex was normal, obviously so, and her anger was understandable, but Bellamy realizes she never experienced the same care. Sasha had people who loved her and worried about her, and when something like this happened, their first thoughts were making sure she didn't get hurt again. She could barely imagine that. If it were her family, their only thoughts would be on how things affected the family name, not how she would be affected as an individual. She envied Sasha, and the hard stance she originally planned on taking softened in an instant.

"I know," Bellamy said, smiling slightly, though the small smile with her calm expression almost looked arrogant. Still, the look in her eyes, especially as she looked through the open door and into the house, made her true feelings clear. She could see Sasha dragging Tessa towards the door, seeming a little nervous, though it was a bit hard to tell at such a distance.

"I never wanted to break her heart, and if I manage to do it a third time... You can do whatever you want with me. I'll offer you my head if you like." The smile on her face grew wider, and she turned to look at Alex, deciding to offer a few more words to the worried mother before Sasha got close enough to hear. "I love your daughter, Mrs. Javorcek. I'm bad at showing it, and I've made some mistakes, but I care for her. So, if you can give me one more chance, just like your daughter has, I would be grateful."

Bellamy didn't know whether that was the right thing to say. She didn't know whether Alex would even believe her. But, she really did love Sasha, and she knew that things would only be harder for the woman she loved if Alex hated her. Whatever it took, even if she needed to bow or take a beating, if it let Sasha's life be even a little easier, she would do it.

When Sasha came out, she smiled, pretending she and Alex had a delightful chat. "You look beautiful today," Bellamy said, looking at her joyfully as she gave the soft compliment out in the open, trying to display just a bit of her seriousness. While it didn't mean much in front of Sasha's family, she didn't plan to hide anything. No matter what happened, the fact that she loved Sasha was something she was comfortable with everyone knowing. If she weren't absolutely positive it would get her hit, either by Sasha or Alex, she might have even teased her a little. One step at a time.
 
On the outside, Alex didn’t seem particularly moved by Bellamy’s little speech. She understood people screwed up, people deserved second chances... But this was her kid they were talking about! She didn’t want Sasha getting banged up and jaded from awful relationships like she has been when she was young. Plus with Bellamy’s family...the things they said, the things they believed - Alex had a very hard time trusting them, and an even harder time believing their kid grew up knowing what love even was.

But here they were. Bellamy was this bad penny she couldn’t get rid of. If anything she admired either the sheer stubbornness or the brash stupidity the girl sported. It was obvious that Sasha felt strongly for Bellamy and her feelings were reciprocated...it was just a shame that Bellamy came from a long line of fuckheads. “Don’t screw this up,” Alex settled on instead, deciding not to chew up Bellamy more than that. “Sasha’s not like you...and she’s a sensitive kid.” That was all she could say before she felt a familiar arm wrapping around hers, she softened quite a bit in Tessa’s presence, giving her wife a kiss on the cheek now that she was here.

“Don’t forget to sign in at the trailhead!” Alex called after them as Tessa dragged her back into the mansion. She had taken Sasha on hundreds of hikes, they’d done the wilderness EMT and several outdoor survival classes together...but still, she worried.

————-

Sasha was quick to get the more rational parent to talk down the crazy person who had given her life. She knew her mom meant well...she was just embarrassing. Alex had been scaring people away ever since Sasha was old enough to date, but she had never seen her actually pick up an implement that she was going to threaten to beat someone with.

Thankfully when she got to the door, Alex and Bellamy weren’t fighting. Her mama managed to wrap Alex up and lead her away, leaving Sasha to blush a little bit and accept the compliment. “Thanks. You look pretty cute today as well.”

She was relieved to be in the car with Bellamy after all that, sighing softly in the safety of the vehicle. “Sorry about that...my mom can be...a lot.”

—————-

Today was the day that Sasha found out she didn’t like heights.

Well. Maybe not heights in general. She was fine jetting down black diamonds on her snowboard or standing on the edge of a cliff to admire the view after a long hike. But dangling from a rope on the side of a rockface? It turned out to not be for her. One look down at the fifty foot mark and she glued herself to the wall.

It was irrational, she knew it. Bellamy had double checked her harness when they had been on the ground, the anchors weren’t that far away from her, and she was clipped in to at least one point at any given time, sometimes two. She couldn’t really figure out where this fear had come from anyways, she had been to indoor rock gyms before. A 40 foot wall at an indoor gym was nothing to fear, but out here apparently there was fear..... a lot of it.

Maybe it was the prospect of them only being halfway through their climb...her hands were starting to fatigue, even with the gloves that Bellamy had gotten her to help, Sasha just didn’t do a lot of exercises that required grip strength. She wasn’t tired, she might not be as fit as Bellamy but she just wasn’t used to holding onto things for a long time. Her thoughts just kind of went down hill from there...the fear she’d not be able to hang on morphed into the fear that she’d fall. And even though the drop would be short until one of the anchors caught her, she was scared she’d hit something and somehow end up sideways, then upside down and slide out of her harness, dropping headfirst down to the rocky ground below.

It was stupid. She knew there was very little chance that she’d end up upside down. Plus she had the feeling that this was an easy climb, suitable for beginners. Even being shorter than Bellamy, she could still make most of the hand and foot holds. She shouldn’t be afraid!!

And yet here she was, clinging for dear life on the side of a cliff.

When Bellamy came closer to give some physical reassurance and ask if she wanted to go back down, of course the answer was ‘no,’ Sasha was stubborn. She wouldn’t admit to being afraid even though every action spoke otherwise.
 
Alex's response left little to the imagination. While the older woman seemed to cool, it appeared that both of them softened their stance for the same reason: Sasha. Bellamy didn't want to make the girl she loved anxious by picking a fight with her mom, and Alex seemed equally concerned about upsetting her daughter, even if that meant taking the risk that the date itself would end horribly.

Bellamy decided to take what she could get, nodding when Alex told her not to screw it up. She knew as well as anyone how sensitive Sasha could be, but she felt just as strongly for her. Not that she would tell Alex how she cried at work after thinking she screwed everything up for good, or that she felt more emotionally fragile after that than any other time in the past week or so, which was saying something.

With Sasha's arrival, Bellamy stopped paying so much attention to Alex. She didn't snub her or Tessa, even remembering to give them a little goodbye, saying she would take good care of their daughter like some responsible teenager. It was definitely a little odd for their age, but Bellamy didn't hate it, even playing the charming but respectful date as best she could.

After that, Bellamy led Sasha to the car, even opening the door for her. She appeared extra attentive, but that couldn't be helped; it was her one chance!

"Don't worry. Your mom was just worried about you, and she probably will be unless I manage to bring you home with a smile on your face." Bellamy had no doubt that Alex would find a way to hurt her, or at least try, if Sasha returned home in tears. Then again, she felt the same way, unsure whether she would be able to take the blow if she lost Sasha for real.

---

Bellamy never planned for the date to go poorly. She had a fun activity in mind, something she did a lot and enjoyed, something outdoors. She even had a nice picnic waiting, along with a few other surprises depending on how their conversation went. Before they made it far into the date, though, Bellamy realized how awful things were going.

Rock climbing was one of those things Bellamy did without anyone else knowing. First and foremost, it was how she stayed in shape and had such a spectacular figure. Second, she used it for stress relief; it allowed her to away from everyone, and it was not an activity her family would think about if they tried to figure out where she disappeared to. What she didn't expect was for Sasha to seem to hate it just as much as any of them would.

It started off fine, with Sasha keeping up, even a bit excited. Their hike to the spot had been light-hearted, both of them chatting back and forth as they gently moved towards more serious topics. Getting set up hadn't been bad either. Then the first 50 feet happened, which led Bellamy into believing the activity could be something for both of them, even in the future. That's where things went to hell.

Nothing would happen to Sasha; Bellamy had already guaranteed that. However, that didn't seem to reassure her. Instead, when Bellamy calmly reminded her about it, the response was... verbal. She clearly didn't like being up that high, at least not dependent on some rope and her own grip strength for survival.

"Sasha, it's okay. I won't let anything happen. Here, how about we just rest for a minute?" That would be for the best. While Sasha said that she didn't want to give up, giving her a moment to rest and get comfortable with the height was the smart move. So, Bellamy moved to her side and helped her secure herself, clipping in beside her after she did, staying close.

After they were both clipped in, immobile on the side of a cliff — albeit an easy one with an inward incline and plenty of holds — Bellamy began to panic a bit. She planned for their first chance to talk occurring after the climb, during a carefully planned picnic, but here they were, with plenty of time and empty air to fill.

Bellamy's first instinct was to apologize for the crappy date idea, but the second she thought of that, she decided against it. She knew better than to apologize when Sasha was in the middle of being stubborn. If she did that, there was a good chance it would just make Sasha angry, even defensive. And she couldn't speak about stupid things either, all the light-hearted, casual conversation happening between the Reigns' estate and their current predicament. Therefore, she was left with... everything else.

"I love you," Bellamy just said it, launching a full ambush since she had no better alternative. "I love you more than I know how to explain. I'm always thinking about you, and it's not something new either. I've loved you since we were kids, even if I've done the world's worst job showing it."

Love truly was a strange concept to Bellamy. When they were younger, she didn't really recognize it, not for what it was. She adored Sasha, but their friendship and the kiss and been so far beyond anything she had ever experienced that she panicked and ran, thinking something was wrong. Perhaps it was due to her family, but it was just as much due to her own lack of understanding and confidence. Now, well, she still didn't understand much about love, but she knew enough to hold onto it... to sacrifice anything for it... for Sasha.
 
“Yup. Yup. Nothing’s going to happen. Everything’s going great. Love it here.” Sasha squeaked. ‘Nothing’s going to happen,’ did Bellamy see where they were?!!? There was fifty feet between them and solid ground and the only thing holding them up were a few pieces of metal and a length of rope. Even though the logical part of her mind knew all those things would bear her weight and far more, she still felt out of sorts. Sasha seemed to calm down a little bit though when the slack of the rope was taken up and she could let go of the wall. Being allowed to flex her fingers and let them rest would help; if she felt like she could power through without her hands fatiguing, she probably would be fine for the rest of the climb.

They hung there for a little bit, Sasha not entirely sure what to say. Part of her wanted to apologize for being scared and the other part wanted to hit Bellamy for clipping her into a mountainside. Truth be told, this was the most interesting date she’d ever been on and she appreciated the obvious amount of thought and effort Bellamy had gone through for this. Outdoorsy date, physical activity, Bellamy remembered the things she liked...how was anyone supposed to know Sasha wouldn’t enjoy facing her death on a Saturday morning though.

Death wasn’t the only thing it looked like she was going to be forced to face. Bellamy wasn’t content to sit there in silence, instead blurting out a confession that sent Sasha into an adrenaline and fear-induced spiral. “Are you nuts?!?!” Probably not the response that someone was looking for when they professed their love for the first time.

“You trapped me on cliffside to tell me that?! Not during any opportunity that would have made sense. Like when I kissed you when we were kids; didn’t even have to tell me that you loved me, I would’ve gladly taken that you liked me. But you -ran- Bellamy. And then when I saw you afterwards in prep school you avoided me like I was a leper. And then Jared!” Gah! Fucking Jared Weston! “He was such a fucking asshole in school and then I get to find out that almost ten years later, you’re engaged to him.” Sasha’s eyes watered, her voice cracking. She shook her head, chasing the sight of Jared proposing to Bellamy from her mind.

It all bothered her more than it should for two people that had never officially dated...and she knew the fact that it did meant that she had loved Bellamy too. There was a time she had ached to hear those words from her old best friend... But now? “You have run or hidden things from me every time we have made progress in whatever messed up thing that is between us. And I just...I can’t say it back Bell, I’m sorry.”
 
Bellamy knew how stupid her timing was, but she felt like holding it back any longer would be a mistake. Or perhaps it was her own selfishness. It probably was; her internal voice, barely able to stay hidden for so long, was now fully unleashed, and it felt good. Still, the reaction on Sasha's end left quite a bit to be desired.

Bellamy was a competent climber, someone able to take on challenges that anyone in their circle would call her crazy for. Even amongst other climbers, she would border an expert, having spent some surprising time traveling just to climb. Nobody ever knew that was what she was doing, but when she traveled during Summer, "vacationing," she often went places to climb. So, the fact that she slipped on a beginner course made it obvious how off-guard Sasha's panicked yell was.

Despite her surprise, the way Sasha spoke about the situation made her blush. It really did seem like she trapped her on a cliff to say it, but she never intended to bring it up there or say it so suddenly at all. Yet, there they were, and now Bellamy was starting to panic, her chalked hands starting to sweat.

"I..." she stumbled on her words, wanting to defend herself but not knowing how. Intentional or not, she waited years to tell Sasha she loved her... and she did it on a cliff, where she couldn't escape. So, guilty as charged?

"Sasha..." Bellamy started again, about to try to explain, or at least give her side of things to the girl. However, the moment Sasha said she couldn't say it back, Bellamy's face paled, and her heart went crazy, panic and despair starting to overwhelm her. It took everything she had to maintain some degree of calmness, and even then... When she finally spoke, her voice trembled, choked up as she fought tears. Damn it, she had been crying so much recently!

"I know I'm a horrible friend, and probably an even worse... girlfriend. I don't even know what we've been lately, but I know I'm bad at all the important parts of it. But Sasha, I can't take back the past. Do you understand that? I can't make the childhood me make the decision that would make her happy. I can't change the fact that my family tried to marry me off. I can't change that Jared ambushed me at what I thought was a family lunch to propose to me when I already told him I wasn't interested."

Bellamy gulped, still fighting tears, her voice still trembling. She was having a harder time than normal calming down. While stuck on a cliff, Bellamy was struggling with the greatest emotional turmoil of her life, and her usual self-control and composure were failing her.

"As for high school... I didn't run from you because I thought you were a leper. I avoided you because... I hated myself. I felt dirty. When I returned home, scared about how I felt about you, faced with the pressure of my family, I made a bad choice, and I slept with a boy. I felt disgusting. Sasha, it has never been you... I have been captivated by you since the day we met, even if I didn't know it at the time. I know it sounds cheesy or like some bad lie meant to evoke sympathy, but I've never met someone else that makes me feel so stupidly happy that I constantly act like an idiot."

Bellamy felt like she was rambling even if she wasn't, and she began to mutter, still nervous but displaying some color on her pallid cheeks due to how stupid and humiliated she felt.

"I don't want you to forgive me, Sasha. Like I said, I can't take back what happened before. But, I can promise you that I'll tell you everything, no matter what you ask. If that means I tell you everything today, over lunch at the top of this cliff, and then we part ways forever... I'll accept that. But I'm really hoping that I can tell you everything today, and then continue doing so... for the rest of our lives. That's how serious I am. So please, don't count me out, not yet. Even if I don't deserve another chance... Give it to me. Please."
 
Was this a relationship that wouldn’t be able to go anywhere? Did this fit one of the conditions she had set for bailing on her date? Sasha couldn’t say she loved Bellamy back, and now remembering the many parameters she had set up before their date she was forced to evaluate her boundaries again with all this new information. And she just... she didn’t know. She didn’t know if just because she couldn’t say she loved her now meant she wouldn’t be able to say she loved her later.

Would she always be this scared? Sasha had never held back in relationships before, but with Bellamy she guarded her heart to the point of exhaustion. She was afraid of putting herself out there because she had gotten hurt over and over again. Now she wasn’t even sure if she could change all that; giving Bellamy only parts of herself was starting to feel normal and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want half-assed love to be her new normal.

But that was part of the problem now wasn’t it - what was normal for Sasha was not normal for Bellamy. Sasha had never been made to feel dirty or ashamed of her feelings by her family. She had never lived in a place where she was afraid to hold a girlfriend’s hand on a busy sidewalk. Even her religious upbringing had been different, her parents joining a Unitarian church that wholeheartedly accepted gays instead of casting stones. Bellamy had been made to hate herself for loving her, and that thought broke Sasha’s heart.

Even with everything holding her back, Bellamy was flinging herself forward now and Sasha definitely admired that. She couldn’t just pretend that years of hurt and her current trepidations didn’t exist...but she could try to meet Bellamy halfway. She reached out and carefully put a hand on Bellamy’s hip after she was finished speaking, probably clinging to the other girl’s shirt harder than she needed to, but still seeking a way to show reassurance.

“I’m not a guarantee, Bell, okay?” Sasha didn’t say it to be mean, but she needed Bellamy to understand that just because she had grown up accepting arranged marriages as normal didn’t mean that Sasha had. If they were going to move forward, they were going to do it on Sasha’s terms. “If you really want to do this... I want to date, no promises for forever...but I promise to give us a chance to get there.”

She offered a soft smile, wishing she could kiss Bellamy...but if she leaned over to do it she’d probably shriek in terror. “Now can you please get me to the top of this thing?” Still stubborn, she didn’t want to repel back down the cliffside without getting to the top. Honestly she didn’t really want to get any further from the ground than she already was either...but she trusted Bellamy to get her safely to the top.
 
Time felt slower, especially when Sasha took her sweet time thinking about everything she heard in silence. Bellamy could practically hear the gears turning, and she didn't imagine it as anything good for her. Still, she grit her teeth and waited, holding on to whatever hope she could scrounge up from the tiny optimistic side of her that rarely saw the light of day.

When she felt Sasha's hand grab at her shirt, she managed to gather the courage to meet her eyes, listening to every word that came out of Sasha's mouth with rapt, almost desperate attention. Her immediate reaction was to panic, to respond to Sasha when she heard the word guarantee; she never meant it like that. She never assumed things would be easy, that they would be together forever because they made the decision now. She just... wanted to go into it with that serious of a mindset. She wanted Sasha to know that she didn't see what they had as a fling or something less.

Then again, as Bellamy thought about it, she truly didn't understand what a normal relationship was supposed to be. In her entire life, despite being in her twenties, she only had three types of relationships. One was with boys she didn't much care for, experiments to try and find something she never found. The second was her strange relationship with Sasha, and that was both recent and unconventional. Then there was the political marriage, something she never wanted and refused in the end. A normal relationship... was foreign to her, something as far from normal as she could imagine. In fact, a lot of things that most people considered normal seemed foreign to her.

Bellamy didn't say anything, though, just nodding her head, happy things turned out decently. At least she had her chance. So, when Sasha asked her to get them to the top, she accepted the minor victory and moved closer to her, pulling her close and giving her a gentle hug. "Thank you, Sasha." She wouldn't let her regret it.

The first step of making sure Sasha didn't regret it was getting her to the top of the cliff. Waiting was an incredibly nice picnic setup, all stuff she had left there after a climb much earlier that morning. Right, she had made the climb twice, once to take up all the heavy gear and set up the picnic, and again with Sasha to surprise her with a romantic lunch!

Some of Sasha's favorite foods, a bit of wine, some fancy beers she remembered Sasha enjoying during their outing to that ridiculously named Biergarten, and a nice blanket to make it that much better. There were also other things, but considering how the day went... She decided to leave it at that.

That was what awaited them at the top, that and a very interesting conversation completely under the pretense of honesty that Bellamy promised, something she almost regretted as she told Sasha anything and everything.

"Sasha..." Bellamy whined, pouring herself another glass of wine with a pitiful expression. Of course, she didn't drink much, knowing better than to do that and climb, but one more glass wouldn't hurt. After she poured the wine, she crawled closer to Sasha, not trying to take things further but pulling her into a hug, her head leaning against the other girl. They were dating now... technically... so it was okay. Right?

"I can do this now that we're dating, right?" she asked, looking at Sasha with hopeful, innocent eyes. She also wanted to kiss her, but she would settle for being close to her. Whatever made Sasha feel comfortable. There was no doubt Bellamy felt a bit skittish, unsure what she could and couldn't do under the pretext of normal. Even after they talked, she wasn't all that sure, so she was taking everything slow, agonizingly so.
 
Sasha was relieved when she finally pulled herself up onto solid ground. For a moment she laid there, not because she was tired, but because every part of her body wanted to remember what earth felt like again. When she sat up, she was treated to the sight of a blanket laid out with their lunch on it and a bit of alcohol. Her face lit up, Sasha always liked taking her lunch at the top of a mountain after a long hike and this was definitely better than her usual dented sandwich and water. “Bellamy...this is amazing,” Sasha smiled, letting the other girl lead her to the blanket so they could sit down and have lunch.

“We can do this again sometime, if you want... the climby part, as well as the picnic part too,” judging by the fact that Bellamy had to have made this climb once already just to set up this picnic, the other girl definitely would want to climb again. And as awful as it was being terrified on a cliffside...Sasha would do it again. She’d climb whatever insanity Bellamy wanted to climb until she stopped being scared because that’s what relationships were to her: compromise and trying her best to embrace her partner’s interests. (But she still would rather trudge 5+ hours up a mountain than get to the summit in less than 2.)

The pair of them ate and talked. Sasha seemed to be a little more forthcoming with questions that were bothering her, and Bellamy answered anything she asked completely and honestly. It was nice to clear the air between them and give them a clean slate, something they might actually be able to build a relationship on.

“Mmm?” Sasha hummed at Bellamy’s whine, trying not to laugh at her pitiful expression. It appeared her new girlfriend wanted to show affection but wasn’t sure what was appropriate. “Yes, this is okay,” Sasha giggled, finding Bellamy’s inexperience with dating endearing. She snuggled into their embrace, having missed the other girl’s touch more than she’d like to admit. “You can do that...and because this is a wonderful first date, I can do this,” with a smile she stole a kiss, something soft and sweet and gentle. Perhaps another time she would have pushed Bellamy onto her back and had her way...but as far as she was concerned, her new girlfriend had a lot of making up to do before she was rewarded with sex. Besides...the last few weeks had been a whirlwind, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take things slow and be a normal couple for a little while.

“You can do most of the things we used to...but no sex for awhile, you’re still on new date probation!” Sasha kissed Bellamy’s cheek and then hopped up to get herself another beer out of her date’s backpack. Technically beer had almost as many benefits after a workout as a Gatorade so she didn’t feel guilty about having more than one; plus she could probably use the liquid courage to help her get down the mountain.

“So...why didn’t you call me all week?” Sasha asked as she went towards the shade to dig through the pack. That was one of the weird bits in all this, that Bellamy had dropped off the face of the earth for almost a week and a half. She could’ve just called and tried to explain herself...though this convoluted plan had probably worked out better in the end. Sasha had been so hurt immediately after that betrayal that she probably wouldn’t have listened to a word Bellamy said.

As she shuffled through the bag for a beer, her fingers brushed against something that was leather. It was too soft to be a belt...too small too...it almost felt like - no way! It couldn’t be that. Sasha had to pull it from the pack because she couldn’t believe that it was a collar, but, sure enough there was a brand new leather collar in her hands. She stared at it, face full of surprise. She ran her fingers over the leather where ‘Bambi’s Puppy’ was embroidered in elegant golden cursive, a smile curling on her lips. The fact that it was embroidered left little doubt that Bellamy had planned to use this with anyone other than her. It was touching...though it was also evident that Bellamy had envisioned this mountain top date going a different way.

“And since you’re being so honest today, you can explain this to me too.” Sasha dangled the collar from the buckle, showing Bellamy what she had stumbled upon. “What exactly did you have planned for when we got up here, Puppy?” Sasha asked innocently, as if she couldn’t already figure it out from the collar’s existence; she just wanted to hear Bellamy say it.
 
Sasha liked the date! It was the best news Bellamy had heard in weeks, maybe longer. The fact that the climb and the confession and the struggle to try and figure out if they should even try dating all ended up fine was incredible, and Sasha liked the part after too. Of course, Bellamy knew the best part was going to be the picnic, considering it was planned entirely for Sasha. Still, it was nice to see her hard work pay off in person.

In fact, it went so well that Sasha agreed to another climb! Bellamy never knew she would be so happy to find a climbing partner, especially since she seemed more reluctant than eager to do it again. Plus, it was her quiet time. Yet, when Sasha said she would be up for another go, she felt relief and excitement, a mix of emotions from the prospect of doing something she loved with the person she loved... in the future. After so long, even if it wasn't concrete, they had a future!

Of course, her energy remained at normal levels as best it could, being curbed by her own nerves and the questions that followed. However, when Sasha agreed to the cuddling and even kissed her, she grew excited once again, no longer able to hold back a wide smile. Even after whining and being tormented by question after question, all of which she felt compelled to give Sasha every detail of, she was smiling.

Of course, the no sex thing was a blow, but she only looked surprised for a moment before nodding her head over and over. She didn't care about sex. As eager as she was for the pleasure it provided, the proof of that currently in her bag, she didn't need it. Bellamy had never needed sex, not like most people. Besides, probation wouldn't last forever!

What she should have seen coming, though, was an end to her merriment. Complete honesty was an offer she never should have made. None of the embarrassing stuff bothered her. In truth, she really liked sharing her deepest, most vulnerable side with Sasha. But when Sasha asked about her week-long disappearance, she visibly hesitated, her expression freezing.

Fortunately, Sasha was distracted, but Bellamy knew she wouldn't be able to avoid it easily. In fact, if she wanted to maintain their deal, she needed to be honest and just tell her. It wasn't easy, though. How could she just tell Sasha about being attacked in her own home? About rejected Jared for her and planning to tell her family, just to be assaulted and forced to flee her own house?

So, when the question of why she brought the collar popped up, despite her blush and inability to look Sasha in the eyes, she started stammering out an answer, trying her best to avoid the serious topic for another few moments.

"I... I wanted... Just... I got bored at home while I was off and ended up ordering all kinds of stuff! That was just the only custom piece I got... And I wanted to show it off!" Bellamy's cadence was strange, going from stuttering to her rushing an entire sentence out, then back to stammering in an adorable manner that only Sasha ever got to see from her.

"Maybe... I also wanted you to put it on me... and call me Puppy." Bellamy's face was buried in her hands, and she even thought about pulling away from Sasha and trying to escape. Unfortunately, being at the top of a cliff, there was no escape. Not from the collar, and not from the other question either.

She thought about going into more detail, but she realized she couldn't. She spent a few moments dying, even releasing a few pitiful whimpers, then turned her attention towards the other thing, something that somehow seemed less horrible than telling her all the details of the scenes she had imagined with them and that collar.

"As for the other thing... So, I'll be honest, I told you I would, but you can't freak out. Okay?" Bellamy was still embarrassed, but as her mind thought back to what happened, she quickly grew solemn, her expression shifting to something more serious.

"So, after what happened that day, the proposal you saw... Well, I ran after you. Then went back to the office and just missed you..." then cried at her desk a bit. She didn't say that part, but it was definitely true. "After calming down, I went home, planning to tell my parents about us, hoping I could salvage something, anything. But when I got there, Jared was in my room."

Bellamy didn't mean to, but she paused, gulping before continuing the story. "He, uhm... He was angry after I humiliated him, and after saying some... things, he attacked me. Ripped my shirt, saw the necklace you gave me when we were kids, and put two and two together." That was definitely how her family found out as well, from Jared.

"I managed to get away in the end, but I didn't have time to grab anything when I ran. My phone, my wallet, everything. All I had were my car keys, so I went to Charlotte's. I've been staying with her all week, wanting my wounds to heal before seeing you. I... didn't want you to know. Another stupid Bellamy move that sabotages relationships... Sorry."

As horrible as the story was, Bellamy remained calm. She didn't want Sasha to know, but nothing bad had happened. She convinced herself over the course of a week that only that single fact mattered. Nothing bad had happened.
 
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