While I am a lucky individual, having been in my current relationship going on 14 years, and having previous relationships lasting anywhere from 8 months to 3 years, I have been broken up with over the phone, by letter from over 4,000 miles away, and in person. While they were all painful, they all had one thing in common, they all hurt. The method of delivery is not what is important, it is the manner in which it is handled. I have broken up with people over the phone, by letter and in person. The easiest was by far the in person way. I was able to voice my concerns, end the relationship and express my desire to remain friends. The ones that I have ended by phone were some of the hardest, because the person on the other end of the phone could not see the pain in my eyes, face and body when I severed the ties. The letter method was used for one reason and one reason alone, I never wanted to encounter the person that I was breaking up with, ever again, she had hurt me way too much for me to even think about talking to her on the phone or in person. In some cases, the only reason I used the phone was because I had no other way to do it. In other cases it was because I couldn't face the hurt and disappointment in their eyes when I ended the relationship. The last relationship I ended face to face was simply because I caught the slut in bed with one of my so-called "friends". That one ended rather rapidly.
When someone is trying to make something work when it feels to them that it is falling apart around them, and they cannot even adequately communicate with their partner to express their feelings, the relationship is doomed to fail. While the communication channels are available, forces outside the relationship prevented this communication from happening and caused a feeling of isolation on the part of one or both parties in the relationship. As such, it was only a matter of time before either of them decides they cannot handle it anymore and for their own peace of mind and personal well-being decide it is time to end the relationship.
When the outside forces are hell-bent on doing everything they can to sabotage the relationship and separate those in it from each other, it makes it even more difficult. Things will be said, feelings will be hurt and tears will flow. It is the nature of things. Healing will come with time and if all goes well, all involved will look back at the situation and realize the truth of the matter and make amends. While the relationship may be over, the friendship doesn't need to be. Friendship (true friendship) is forged of stronger stuff than can be severed by misguided intentions and hurtful words.
Life is an adventure that is meant to be lived, not a problem that needs to be solved. The truth of these words were never truer than they are when a relationship fails. It is a part of life, like birth and death. Each experience in life helps to shape the people that we become and all we can do is try to learn from our mistakes, successes and failures to become better, wiser and healthier people. Misery may love company, but those who are in misery need to choose the company they keep as those that will help them through the rough time and to a place where they can be at peace with their circumstances.
Relationships can end for a number of reasons, but the primary reason that they end is that one or all parties in the relationship are not happy for whatever reason. When the joy of the relationship is gone, it gets more and more difficult to keep fighting to keep the relationship. Eventually it comes to a point where the decision must be made to do what is in ones on best-interest. That often means ending the relationship before animosity sets in and causes someone in the relationship to say or do things that further cause distress within the relationship. In those cases it is often felt by the other member(s) of the relationship that the one ending it is being a bitch or asshole, when in reality, they are simply doing is self-preservation.
Take a step back and look at the entire situation and the way things look to those involved in it, and then make the determination if the right decision was made. Lack of communication in a relationship will often lead to feelings of resentment and abandonment, which is most frequently only felt by one part of the relationship. If this is the case in what happened, then all involved are to blame, not just one individual. The reason for this is simply that not clearly expressing the emotional state you are in to your partner will lead to your partner thinking that everything is fine. Not taking note of the fact that something is bothering your partner and asking about it can lead the other part of the relationship thinking that you don't care enough to ask "Is something bothering you?" These are things that can easily be remedied with proper communication and listening. These are things that I notice the most in relationships that fail. I have witnessed it and experienced it too frequently for it to be coincidence.
Nobody ever told me that life was going to be fair, and I do my best to not sugar-coat things for those around me, either. I have been told that I am often blunt to the point of brutality. Life sucks and the only guarantee I will give anyone is that you aren't going to get out of it alive. Beyond that, I intend to live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse. Life is not about arriving at the end in a well preserved body, but sliding in head first, beaten, bruised and bloody, screaming "Fuck Yeah! What a ride!" The friends we make, relationships we have, loves, hates, acquaintances, friends and enemies are just filler. Love often hurts, especially when it ends, but it's a fact of life that it often does. Realizing that it's not the end of the world and moving on with life and the adventures that await in the future is (in my opinion) the best way to live.
R.E.M. said it best, I think:
R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
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