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Cuttlefish Monitor (concluded)

PsionicCuttlefish

Supernova
Joined
Apr 10, 2012
==The Prelude==
As all my RP partners know, I have a lot of trouble getting replies out on any decent timetable, and have had this trouble for years now. There is no good reason for this. When I first started here on BMR, I could manage at least one reply every day, usually more than one. I was quick and responsive, and pleased with myself. And it wasn't just BMR, I was getting a lot of things done that made me happy. For several years now however, it's been the same; I have plenty of time, I do not have hardships blocking me, I just...don't do it. And it's not just with RPs here, it's everything I try to do. My partners here have almost always been kind, understanding, and patient...and, unfortunately, that is the opposite of what I need. I am not happy with myself, I know I can do better. A few days ago, things came to a head and rocked me pretty hard. Something has to change.

==The Problem==
My issue is that I am (and have been for years now) basically locked up in my own head, without anything to keep enough of an eye on me. I don't have anything external imposing a sufficient amount of structure upon me, which is what I need in order to function well. Inside my head, alone, I can't manage myself. But pushing things outside of my head works to help keep me from chronically sinking into the same old mental quicksand. Writing things down for myself is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough. Other people's eyes on me help more. As mentioned, things went particularly badly recently because of my actions (or inactions) and something has to change, so...I am trying something new.

==The Position==
For people on this site who are reasonable and empathetic, it is commonly understood that RP is ultimately a low priority when it comes to competing life interests, and that no one deserves a reply from anyone else on any schedule. Demanding such of another person is unconscionable and egregiously entitled. RP is indeed still a low priority for me as well when compared against competing life interests, but that's just it; most of the time, I don't have other life interests competing with RP time that I want to spend but just have trouble making myself do. I want to be held to a schedule. I want to be held accountable. And I am doing this with RPs because, one, I know historically with myself that when I am in a "getting stuff done" groove on any one thing, it often energizes me for everything else (really, RPs have been a great indicator for me; if I'm getting a lot of RPs done, I'm getting a lot of other stuff done also), and two, this is where I do have other people who know what I'm up to and who can see me...if I put myself out there to be seen.

==The Plan==
Starting Monday, I will be implementing a system to help hold myself accountable for RPs. It will likely consist of a partial time-schedule posted here for myself (exact details to be determined then), but the most important facet is this; I will put a link to this thread in my signature so all my partners can easily see it. I will resolve to make one post in this thread every evening before I turn in. It does not have to be long, it need only be a sentence. It would take me less than a minute to do, a minute that can be spared no matter what is happening. In each of these single-sentence posts, I will say but one thing; I got at least one RP reply out in the day, or why I did not make any RP replies that day. The reason need not be involved, either it is a legitimate and acceptable RL event or...it was me just not getting on with it. Publically exposing this will help motivate me to keep it from happening. In this way, I can have something of a monitor on me, an eye over my shoulder to keep me focused. And if I don't make even a single sentence post here, I implore my partners (or, well...anyone at all really) to badger me with messages as to why I did not do that simple, most minimal thing. (The only acceptable excuse would be literally not having internet access)

Let's see how it goes. Worst case, it doesn't work and I just keep shambling on as I am. Best case, it does work...and maybe I get some of my old energy back.


SCHEDULE:
EDIT: ('20/9/03)
As of right now, there is no particular reason I shouldn't have at -least- one post out EACH day of the week. While some days may have enough going on that I legitimately can't make a post, such occurrences are irregular. A post a day. That's what I need to shoot for right now.



('20/8/03)
Okay, so, starting off with just a basic schedule of my current typical week.
Monday: Should have some posting time
Tuesday: RL stuff
Wednesday: Should have some posting time
Thursday: RL stuff
Friday: Should have some posting time
Saturday: Should have some posting time
Sunday: RL stuff

For Tuesdays, Thursdays, and sundays, I actually do have other engagements and important things I must work on first, and RP posting on those days is unlikely...but, that does NOT mean I will NOT post -here- in the evenings at least. Because while unlikely, it is -possible- sometimes, if I finish everything I do need to do early enough, that I can still get a post out on these days. If I do that, and I have -time- for RP posting afterwards, but don't do it, then that is indeed something I need to note here for myself. If I indeed don't have time for RP posts, then I will still drop a note here saying so for that day.
 
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Saturday '21/10/9 report: Again, legitimately didn't really have time to make a post today. BUT I MISSED SO MANY POSSIBLE DAYS EARLIER THIS WEEK aaaargh.
 
Sunday '21/10/10 report: Thought I would have time to make a post today...unexpectedly didn't.

I must, must, MUST MAKE A POST TOMORROW.
 
Monday '21/10/11 report: There was a time during the day I "could" have made a post but didn't...because there was a later time in the day I was planning to use...and that later time ended up being unavailable when it came. I should have taken the chance when I could have. >_<
 
Tuesday '21/10/12 report: FINALLY. After a WEEK of nothing, I finally got a post out, and I feel good about that. But I am still SO FAR BEHIND on SO MANY MORE RPS! Must, must, MUST keep it going!
 
Wednesday '21/10/13 report: Bleh. I "had time" for a post today...but, had a personal issue come up that left me in no mental state to write one. Wasn't just me plain not doing it this time, something actually did get in the way. *sigh*
 
Thursday '21/10/14 report: And again, too much else going on today to actually be able to post. WHICH IS WHY IT IS WORSE I LOST AN -ENTIRE- WEEK'S WORTH OF POSTS FOR NO REASON. >_<!!! I needed to make those posts when I -did- have the chance, to buffer up for times like this!
 
half-late Saturday '21/10/16 report: whoops, almost forgot this. But, I actually DID manage to get a post out today. That is good.
 
Tuesday '21/10/19 report: Okay. Got another post out today, too. I'm so sick of myself letting days pass by that I can actually do it.
 
Wednesday '21/10/20 report: Wasn't...really in any good positions today to make a post, even though I technically -did- have time...but overall I was focused on other things today. Eh.
 
Saturday '21/10/23 report: Argh. Today was pretty packed, but there -was- a -small- time I could have used to make a post... >_<
 
FUCK i forgot to do a report for sunday! Dammit! Well, VERY LATE Sunday '21/10/24 report: I actually -did- get a post done that day! So, happy about that. (Can't believe I forgot to do the report, I seriously thought I had done it already...)

And today, monday '21/10/25 report: Today has been an...interesting one. I posted an RP reply today that actually was done a long time ago, but has been waiting all this time for an OOC response from my partner about something before I could actually post it. And I actually -did- write a full reply's worth of stuff today for a completely different RP and partner, but haven't posted -it- now because now it needs an OOC response before I can do so. So...today has actually been a fairly decent day as far as RP writing goes.
 
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tuesday '21/10/26 report: well dangit...I was -planning- on making a post today, but I took a tumble on the way home and scraped up my hands, typing is difficult. Darn. Well hopefully they'll be feeling better soon.
 
Wednesday '21/10/27 report: Darn. Hands still scraped and bruised, typing still difficult. Not able to make a post today either. Dammit, just when I was feeling a tiny bit better, too...
 
Thursday '21/10/28 report: Fingers still a bit busted. Getting better though. Hopefully will be back into things soon.
 
Friday '21/10/29 report: Fingers starting to feel better, but not enough quite yet. May or may not be able to type enough for a post tomorrow.
 
Saturday '21/10/30 report: My fingers aren't 100% again yet, but they are stable -enough- that I could type for an extended period of time without issue. And today...I got out not one, but TWO posts. I've been...intentionally limiting myself for a while now, trying not to do -more- than one post in a day because all this time I've been trying to focus on -consistency- and getting back into a more -steady- rhythm before picking up the pace again, but I've gotten so far behind this month...it is indeed time to "burst". So yeah. Two posts out today. Happy about that.
 
Sunday '21/10/31 report: Fingers continuing to feel better, but was a little too busy today to be able to make a post. (and I am extra glad I made two posts yesterday.)
 
Monday '21/11/01 report: Pushed out another -two- RP posts today instead of just one. Gotta catch up. Gotta catch up...
 
Tuesday '21/11/02 report: Well, I was -gonna- try and make a post tonight...then my computer mouse quit on me and I had to scramble through a bunch of hoops to order a new one, and borrow one temporarily. So that took up the time I was going to spend on posting tonight. Oh well.
 
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