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- Oct 12, 2017
I've been writing online for over a decade now on several different rp sites, big and small. The only time I have ever been without a consistent rp partner has been when I wasn't feeling inspired and took a break from rping. I have never had difficulty finding stories and partners to write with.
I think I have a pretty good handle on what works when it comes to looking for a partner, approaching someone, and maintaining a partnership. If you would like my advice, please send me a message or post here.
What I have to offer:
Some of my advice will be based upon what works for me but not everyone needs a huge monster RT like the one I have, in order to find partners. For most people, a more simplified thread will work just fine. In any case, my advice will be focused on giving you personalized help, taking into account your kinks, your writing style, preferred rp medium(forum, PM, or Discord), and what kind of partners you're searching for.
That being said, there is some general advice I will always give to everyone who's having trouble finding partners.
Unless you're like me and have relevant, focused information to fill in all the gaps, then you don't need meandering paragraphs with jokes that hide your preferences in the middle, or to waste time explaining what you're going to say next. The best way to keep yourself from getting too awkward or conversational when you're trying to present important information, is to make bulletpoints and lists. And if you want to leave in the personal touch of dorky narrative, then offer a short list of your preferences so that they don't have to comb through the paragraph to decipher what your no's and such are. I, personally, respond better to threads that are efficient, preferring to get to know a person once we're talking one on one, but I understand if some people are drawn first to charm and personality if it is shown in an RT. So, just make sure that the necessary information is easily accessible in a bulletpoint list and then ramble on with your jokey self.
I have found the most success in request threads I've made over the years, when I have kept my list of "what I want in a partner" extremely small and easy to accomplish. I let them choose their character personality, faceclaim, race, gender, etc. I never tell them how much they have to write and I never tell them not to ghost(that one is a bit obvious and me saying it won't stop it from happening; if they're going to ghost, they're going to do it, no matter if I ask them not to).
Instead, things that I want from the role-play experience, I frame as things that I offer. Like, if I want someone who is literate and interested in a lot of writing, I point out how much I typically write for each post. This will naturally filter out the folks who don't like a lot of writing while attracting those who do without making them feel like they have to fit a certain word percentage in order to rp with me.
And you can always say no to people who don't fit your personal standards and 8 times out of 10 you won't be asked to explain it. Part of searching is being comfortable with engaging when people respond to your invitation to rp, even if you feel like you're telling a lot of people "no thank you." The whole point, is to make the net bigger to increase your chances of finding the one who fits. If you have a smaller net, it does not necessarily increase your chances of only getting messages from the ones who fit because some of your demands may have made the perfect one feel intimidated out of even sending you a message. If the net is bigger, yes, you might have to reject a lot more but you have better chances of the ones who fit you actually feeling comfortable enough responding.
There are certain common kinks that are beyond vanilla but are still fairly mainstream. If you have a niche kink, it requires a bit of self-awareness about that fact to make it easier finding a partner. Even though this is an anonymous forum, people still need a level of trust and dependability in a partner before they'll feel comfortable engaging in the more out there kinks. I would suggest to those who have really unpopular kinks and have trouble ever getting an rp started, to instead search for more common kink stories. Just get started writing with someone. Once you have a month or so of relationship and good communication built up with someone, ask if they might be open to trying one of your more out there kinks.
It's a lot of work and they might say no. But if you keep bumping your niche kink thread and aren't getting ANY rps at all, it might just be better to try to build relationships first. If I were in that position, aching and hungering for a certain fantasy, I'd feel much better actually getting to write stories than to just sit there bumping and bumping, never getting to write anything at all. So, you can pick and choose what chances you want to take and how much work you're willing to put in to get what you want. Because things like giantism, pregnancy, submissive maleXDomme female, harem, vore, are not really things people do without a base level of trust.
Everything you post is an advertisement to rp partners. I always look into people's past posts and messages before agreeing to rp with them and it is a fairly common practice. If you complain or vent a lot publicly, or present yourself as passive-aggressive, people are unlikely to sign up for that. Most folks here are to escape stressful conditions and relationships in their real lives. They're here to have fun. If you sound like a downer or someone who is really stressful to interact with, people will most of the time say no to a game with you.
I know that people hear me say this and think, "Well, then what am I supposed to do? Just keep it all bottled up inside?" The answer is yes and no. There have been studies that show that those who feed into certain habits and behaviors build strong neural networks to those things. It really is "the wolf you feed" kind of situation, where you haven't relieved anything by continuously engaging in negative thinking or "letting it out". That being said, sometimes you do need to vent and release when you are upset. I would recommend doing so on another website or privately one on one with a good friend. Because if you post it here publicly, and you sound like you're whining or petty or selfish, people will read that and it'll make you look unattractive as a partner.
When approaching someone, stay away from toxic and manipulating behavior, like self-effacing commentary or talking about how "nobody ever rps with me" or "people always ghost me." If they're a smart person, they won't fall for it. If they do fall for it, it's only a matter of time before that type of emotional manipulation will push them away. Nobody wants to come here and shoulder the responsibility of your emotions or to give you a pity rp.
The best I can say about this is own your shit. You deserve to have fun just like anyone else; stop thinking that you don't or you're too weird or too ___. Your kinks might not be popular and you might not be the best writer; so? There is someone here for everyone. You can either find someone who writes like you and who loves the way you write too, or if you want to get better at it, there are ways that you can do that. You don't have to think you're better than everyone else to be confident. Just think, "I am hot stuff. I am awesome!" and it should be enough. You'll doubt it sometimes but anybody you message is likely a stranger. They only know what you present and what you tell them. So, if you present yourself as charming and confident and fun, that is all they'll know. And most people are fairly willing to believe what they see. So you don't need to sit there shivering in doubt, "What if they reject me? What if they don't like me?" Because they're not going to look harder than what you present and if they do reject you? They're one person, one member in hundreds that are active on the site.
If you do choose to approach me, we're going to handle this with a "take it or leave it" kind of mentality. I genuinely want to help you and see you succeed and have fun rping. And I will be honest in what I think you should do. If the changes I suggest are not things you wish to do, only you can really improve your situation, and only you really know the state of things you're dealing with. I won't be offended if you choose not to take my advice.
I think I have a pretty good handle on what works when it comes to looking for a partner, approaching someone, and maintaining a partnership. If you would like my advice, please send me a message or post here.
What I have to offer:
- Advice geared towards you personally, what you are looking for, and how best to find it.
- Request thread critique. I am thorough and honest and I will go through your RT with you, giving you tips and pointers on what to change, what to leave out, and how to improve your chances for finding partners.
- Advice on how to send an opening message to someone and personal critique to help streamline your approach.
Some of my advice will be based upon what works for me but not everyone needs a huge monster RT like the one I have, in order to find partners. For most people, a more simplified thread will work just fine. In any case, my advice will be focused on giving you personalized help, taking into account your kinks, your writing style, preferred rp medium(forum, PM, or Discord), and what kind of partners you're searching for.
That being said, there is some general advice I will always give to everyone who's having trouble finding partners.
Keep the ad brief.
Unless you're like me and have relevant, focused information to fill in all the gaps, then you don't need meandering paragraphs with jokes that hide your preferences in the middle, or to waste time explaining what you're going to say next. The best way to keep yourself from getting too awkward or conversational when you're trying to present important information, is to make bulletpoints and lists. And if you want to leave in the personal touch of dorky narrative, then offer a short list of your preferences so that they don't have to comb through the paragraph to decipher what your no's and such are. I, personally, respond better to threads that are efficient, preferring to get to know a person once we're talking one on one, but I understand if some people are drawn first to charm and personality if it is shown in an RT. So, just make sure that the necessary information is easily accessible in a bulletpoint list and then ramble on with your jokey self.
Stay away from negatives or demands.
I have found the most success in request threads I've made over the years, when I have kept my list of "what I want in a partner" extremely small and easy to accomplish. I let them choose their character personality, faceclaim, race, gender, etc. I never tell them how much they have to write and I never tell them not to ghost(that one is a bit obvious and me saying it won't stop it from happening; if they're going to ghost, they're going to do it, no matter if I ask them not to).
Instead, things that I want from the role-play experience, I frame as things that I offer. Like, if I want someone who is literate and interested in a lot of writing, I point out how much I typically write for each post. This will naturally filter out the folks who don't like a lot of writing while attracting those who do without making them feel like they have to fit a certain word percentage in order to rp with me.
And you can always say no to people who don't fit your personal standards and 8 times out of 10 you won't be asked to explain it. Part of searching is being comfortable with engaging when people respond to your invitation to rp, even if you feel like you're telling a lot of people "no thank you." The whole point, is to make the net bigger to increase your chances of finding the one who fits. If you have a smaller net, it does not necessarily increase your chances of only getting messages from the ones who fit because some of your demands may have made the perfect one feel intimidated out of even sending you a message. If the net is bigger, yes, you might have to reject a lot more but you have better chances of the ones who fit you actually feeling comfortable enough responding.
If you have niche kinks, look for a trusted partner first.
There are certain common kinks that are beyond vanilla but are still fairly mainstream. If you have a niche kink, it requires a bit of self-awareness about that fact to make it easier finding a partner. Even though this is an anonymous forum, people still need a level of trust and dependability in a partner before they'll feel comfortable engaging in the more out there kinks. I would suggest to those who have really unpopular kinks and have trouble ever getting an rp started, to instead search for more common kink stories. Just get started writing with someone. Once you have a month or so of relationship and good communication built up with someone, ask if they might be open to trying one of your more out there kinks.
It's a lot of work and they might say no. But if you keep bumping your niche kink thread and aren't getting ANY rps at all, it might just be better to try to build relationships first. If I were in that position, aching and hungering for a certain fantasy, I'd feel much better actually getting to write stories than to just sit there bumping and bumping, never getting to write anything at all. So, you can pick and choose what chances you want to take and how much work you're willing to put in to get what you want. Because things like giantism, pregnancy, submissive maleXDomme female, harem, vore, are not really things people do without a base level of trust.
Present a happy face. 
Everything you post is an advertisement to rp partners. I always look into people's past posts and messages before agreeing to rp with them and it is a fairly common practice. If you complain or vent a lot publicly, or present yourself as passive-aggressive, people are unlikely to sign up for that. Most folks here are to escape stressful conditions and relationships in their real lives. They're here to have fun. If you sound like a downer or someone who is really stressful to interact with, people will most of the time say no to a game with you.
I know that people hear me say this and think, "Well, then what am I supposed to do? Just keep it all bottled up inside?" The answer is yes and no. There have been studies that show that those who feed into certain habits and behaviors build strong neural networks to those things. It really is "the wolf you feed" kind of situation, where you haven't relieved anything by continuously engaging in negative thinking or "letting it out". That being said, sometimes you do need to vent and release when you are upset. I would recommend doing so on another website or privately one on one with a good friend. Because if you post it here publicly, and you sound like you're whining or petty or selfish, people will read that and it'll make you look unattractive as a partner.
When approaching someone, stay away from toxic and manipulating behavior, like self-effacing commentary or talking about how "nobody ever rps with me" or "people always ghost me." If they're a smart person, they won't fall for it. If they do fall for it, it's only a matter of time before that type of emotional manipulation will push them away. Nobody wants to come here and shoulder the responsibility of your emotions or to give you a pity rp.
The best I can say about this is own your shit. You deserve to have fun just like anyone else; stop thinking that you don't or you're too weird or too ___. Your kinks might not be popular and you might not be the best writer; so? There is someone here for everyone. You can either find someone who writes like you and who loves the way you write too, or if you want to get better at it, there are ways that you can do that. You don't have to think you're better than everyone else to be confident. Just think, "I am hot stuff. I am awesome!" and it should be enough. You'll doubt it sometimes but anybody you message is likely a stranger. They only know what you present and what you tell them. So, if you present yourself as charming and confident and fun, that is all they'll know. And most people are fairly willing to believe what they see. So you don't need to sit there shivering in doubt, "What if they reject me? What if they don't like me?" Because they're not going to look harder than what you present and if they do reject you? They're one person, one member in hundreds that are active on the site.
If you do choose to approach me, we're going to handle this with a "take it or leave it" kind of mentality. I genuinely want to help you and see you succeed and have fun rping. And I will be honest in what I think you should do. If the changes I suggest are not things you wish to do, only you can really improve your situation, and only you really know the state of things you're dealing with. I won't be offended if you choose not to take my advice.
