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It's so hard to find good help (dominant_minded X Nurse_K)

Elsa was extremely disturbed that Nick hadn't shown up in days. Was he dead? Was he sick? Had he fled the country? She had no idea, but it was starting to worry her. She was still extremely angry at him, but she was really beginning to worry about his safety. She could get over her anger if she knew that he was safe, but she didn't know that now. For all she knew he could be lying in a ditch somewhere bleeding to death while she was sitting at her desk seething and playing solitaire.

She stared at the woman when she came in and asked to see her. She narrowed her eyes at 'Amy' and shook her head. "No, sorry. I don't have an office, and I'm not comfortable going into his. If you have something to say to me, say it here, or leave. I don't have time to chat with Nick's ex-sluts." she had no idea if that's what she was or not, but she wasn't in a good mood and she didn't want to deal with any crap.
 
Amy raised an eyebrow at Elsa. She looked both ways down the hall, making sure no one was in earshot. She leaned over Elsa's desk and got right in her face, "Now you listen here. I have no idea what Mr. Anders' relationship with you is all about, but I've had to work too hard and had to prove myself to too many people in this company to keep the idea that you're implying from becoming a rumor to stand here and let a secretary talk to me that way." She straightened up and took a deep breath. She looked away for a second and then looked back.

"I'm sorry," she said, calmer, "I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I'm a little touchy when it comes to that subject, as you can hopefully understand." She was carrying an envelope that she sat down in front of Elsa. "I came here for a reason. Mr. Anders called me at home last night and asked me to do two things. I asked him a number of questions, but he wouldn't answer them. First, he asked me to bring this to you, deliver it personally. It's a cashier's check that he talked to me about a couple of weeks ago. Second, he asked me if I would consider taking over his job. He wouldn't give me any answer as to why, except to say that he thought the 'stress' was getting to be too much."

She took a deep breath and continued. "It isn't like him, and I don't understand it. I told him I'd think about it, and he told me there was one more condition. I had to keep you on in your current position, and tell you, he made a point of making sure I had his words exactly on this, that 'you shouldn't worry about his erratic behavior anymore, he wasn't planning on coming back this time'. Now, I'm not going to jump to any conclusions, but I thought, maybe, you might know something more about what's going on. At the very least, you're his secretary, so you've talked to him over the past two weeks more than I have. Has he seemed... odd at all?"
 
She was about to jump out of her chair and smack the woman across the face when she leaned down like that and so rudely invaded her personal space. On top of that she was clearly degrading her for being a secretary. She thought that just because she was head of accounting that she was better than Elsa. She'd show that bitch...but then the woman pulled away and spoke in an entirely different tone. Elsa sat there silently for the rest of the woman's little speech, restraining herself from saying anything rash.

She glanced down at the envelope and growled. She couldn't believe that he was doing this. She could could surmise one thing from his absence, asking this woman to take over his job, and giving her this cashier's check. He planned on killing himself. Instead of making her sad or worried, she got even more pissed. "Asshole," she murmured to herself. She stood up, opened the envelope, and ripped the cashier's check up. She threw it into the garbage can under her desk and picked up her purse. She started to leave before she realized that Amy was still standing there.

She turned back to her and gave her a little smile, "Sorry, Amy. I can't stay and chat anymore. I have to go dig him out of yet another one of his holes he's dug for himself." and then she turned around and stomped off, "Melodramatic drama queen," she growled to herself as she left the building. She got in her car and drove to the beach house. She didn't see a car, but she knew he was there. She got out and stomped up the stairs to the door. It was unlocked. She went inside, threw her purse onto the ground and yelled, "Nick Anders, get your sorry ass out here right this minute. I know you're here!"
 
He was sleeping on the floor of the bathroom when she started yelling. His first reaction was absolute relief at the sound of her voice. Then he noticed the tone. He groaned and picked himself up. His head was pounding with hangover. He looked down to make sure he was decent. He was wearing flannel pj pants, that would do well enough. He walked out into the living area to see her. He had three days worth of beard growth and his hair looked wild. He blinked hard and then managed to say, "Morning Elsa, or is it afternoon? Would you mind not yelling?" He held his temples and leaned on the doorway he was standing in.
 
When he came out of the bathroom she stormed towards him, her heels clacking on the tile floor of the living room. She pushed him roughly with both hands, standing there and watching him for a moment. Then she pushed him again and again until he'd fallen backwards onto the futon. Then she climbed up on top of it and hovered over him. She smacked his face and growled at him, punching him in the chest again. "I swear to God, Nick. If you even try to kill yourself, I will kill myself and come after you and make you wish you were still alive. Don't you dare leave me like that!"
 
When she leaned over him and punched and slapped him, he chuckled a little. It turned into a groan, his head was killing him far more than the hits she was dolling out, and the laughter didn't help. He rubbed his temples hard and thought about what she said. "Kill myself? How much of a drama queen do you think I am?" he forced his red eyes open and looked up at her. He managed a small grin and said, "You told me not to come back, so I wasn't going to. Giving up control of the company to stick to that request of yours didn't seem like too much to do. I wouldn't be much use to anybody while I was pining for you anyway, but killing myself..." He paused then let out a good smile and when he spoke again he was almost teasing her, but she was obviously pissed and he couldn't handle yelling at the moment so he held it back a bit. "That's a bit extreme, don't you think? I just intended to do what any broken hearted gentleman would do in this situation, drink until I couldn't feel anymore. Now, what do I have to do to get you to stop with the yelling? My head is killing me."
 
Her eyes shot fire at him as he laughed at her and trivialized how upset she'd been. She really thought that he was going to kill himself. And now he was laughing at her. She growled at him again and smacked him one last time. Then she rolled off of him and got off of the bed. "You're such an asshole. I can't believe I drove all the way down here to try to save your stupid life, and now you're laughing at me. I. Can't. Believe. You." she stumbled a little bit but got her footing, the heels bothering her for a moment. She regained her footing though and stomped over to her purse. She picked it up and went over to the door, clenching the door handle. But she couldn't open it. She just stood there, frozen.
 
When he saw her hesitate at the door he rolled off of the futon and walked up behind her. He put his arms around her from behind and laid his head down on his shoulder, nuzzling his scratchy beard face into her neck. "I'm sorry, babe. It was just... I guess I can see how you got that idea," he said softly and apologetically. It felt good to be holding her and he desperately hoped she wouldn't throw him off. "Don't I get any points for missing you so bad that I couldn't function?" he asked in something closer to his usual velvety tone.
 
She sucked in a deep breath when he put his arms around her and laid his head on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and held back tears. His partially velvety tone made her feel a little better, but not too much. She still wanted to cry, desperately. She felt terrible. She loved him more than life itself. If he died, she would die too. She knew that completely, one hundred percent. If he left this earth, she had no purpose on earth anymore. Her parents lived without her. They'd be sad, but they would move on. If he left, she'd never be able to move on. She smiled a little, "Only a few," she opened her eyes again and slowly turned around, letting go of the door handle.
 
He gathered her close to him, careful not to breath on her. He knew he was a bit of a wreck. He moved his lips next to her ear so he could talk in whispers, which had the dual purpose of being intimate and also being easier on his headache. "I'm sorry for how I acted Sunday evening. I sort of panicked," he said softly adding quickly, "but not about raising a child with you." He just held her for a bit, running his fingers through her hair, feeling the fabric of her outfit. A few days wasn't so long to be apart, but when you thought things were over... He put it out of his mind. He knew he had some explaining to do here. He squeezed her tight and said, "I... know this will probably sound silly, but... the first thing I thought about was the way my mom died. I got mad because I felt like you were risking your life to get pregnant, by me especially. I know it sounds dumb, but well... I dunno." He fell silent again. He just couldn't say 'it was my fault my mom died'. He knew it was stupid, he knew it wasn't really his fault, but he'd never talked about it, and Charlie had certainly never brought it up.
 
She nuzzled her forehead into his neck gently, still stifling her urge to cry. She wanted to just bawl all of her ogeda out, bawl out all of her frustrations out. She wanted to get rid of all of it, to be completely free of the strains of the past week. "It's okay, Nick. I...I understand." she turned her head to the side and kissed his neck gently, tenderly. "I would love to be a mom. The mom to your children...but...I'm not. At least not yet." she pulled her head away from him and smiled at him softly, "I took another test this morning. It said no. I'm not pregnant." she ran her hand gently down his face to his scruffly beard and laughed. "You look like a bum. That's not very CEO of you,"
 
He sighed gently when she told him she wasn't pregnant and was surprised to find that he was slightly disappointed. When she said she'd like to bear his children he melted a little, but he could feel it in her body, there was so much stress. He was quick to blame himself; he'd put her through a lot lately. When she teased him about his beard and laughed he took her hand in his and kissed it, giving her a friendly smile, but not letting her change the subject. He looked her in the eye, searching her face and then nodding to himself. "You're wonderful, Elsa, and I've been really rough on you lately. I'm sure I look worse, but you look like you've put yourself through the wringer over me," he reached up and touched her cheek, "Do you want to talk about it? I swear I won't take it personally, won't judge you. Like you said to me once, just tell me or let it out however you need to."
 
Personally, Elsa was glad she wasn't pregnant. She wasn't married or even engaged to Nick. Not like it would matter, they would get that way she was sure, but she had always been traditional in the sense that she wanted to have her children properly. She didn't want them to be 'bastards' even if children out of wedlock was extremely common. She kissed his lips gently when he told her that she could tell him anything. She loved him so much. She didn't think she could go through another fight like that though, they had to work out their issues. She cleared her throat and then pulled on his hand, dragging him to the futon. She sat on the edge and tugged him towards her. "We can't fight like that anymore, Nick. We can't. We have to work out our issues." she sighed softly.

"Listen. I know now that you have certain...needs. Needs that are hard for you to control." she squeezed his hand and paused before saying the rest, "But...I'm willing to help you take care of those needs. You know as well as I do that you can't hold them back anymore."
 
He smiled as she broke the kiss and dragged him towards the futon. He smiled and agreed with her as she talked about working out their issues, "You're right, babe." He sat down next to her, reading from her body language that she wanted to talk about something. He sat with his head facing her, showing that he was eager to listen. But then he heard the subject she chose. He had been smiling, but it faded as she brought up what he now thought of as his 'dark desires'. He wanted to tell her that this wasn't her problem, that he'd find a way to deal with it, but as he tried to open his mouth, she made her offer to him.

He was stunned for a moment. His mouth dropped open wider. For the briefest of moments, he couldn't stop a flood of fantasy as part of him started picturing taking her up on that. His face flushed with anger at himself and he shut them off by standing up, pulling away from her, knowing as he did so that this was exactly the opposite of what he had just agreed to. He didn't let himself go far, though. "Elsa I can't let you do that," he said carefully as calmly as he could, "You... you don't know what you're offering, not really." He turned to face her, and gave her a pleading look with his eyes. Working issues out suddenly seemed about 100 times harder than it had a few seconds ago considering what she'd chosen to try to work out.
 
"Nick." she said to him, scooting forward more on the bed so that her butt was hanging off the edge of it. She extended her arms out to him, herself pleading with him to come back to her. "Nick, come on. We both know that we can't be together if you have to hide pieces of yourself. We had two knock down drag out fights in the course of a week because of it. We can't keep doing that." she stretched her hands out, becoming a little anxious that he hadn't already accepted them and come sat back down next to her. Him walking away like that was almost heartbreaking to her. They'd spent so much time apart lately that she was really craving his touch and smell.

"How else are you going to try to fix it, Nick? Go do that to some other girl? You know that'd break my heart. I love you, Nick. I'll do anything for you. Anything."
 
He was terribly worried that if he let himself back into her arms, she'd manage to talk him into this, but he couldn't hold himself away from her when she was reaching for him like that. It tugged right at his heartstrings. There wasn't even a real struggle, he was next to her before he knew he'd taken the first step. He leaned down into her embrace, careful again not to breathe on her. He was all too aware that his breath probably reeked a little of vodka, and he wasn't exactly sure whether he had taken a bath in the last 24 hours. The time seemed a little fuzzy. He found he couldn't stand hunched over like that for long; his back felt like it was made up of limp noodles from his time on the bathroom floor. He knelt down in front of her on his knees, putting her hands on his shoulders and resting his hands on her thighs.

"Elsa, I know my reputation and my track record, but please believe that I wouldn't be unfaithful to you. I've never been committed to any woman because I've never really loved one. But I do love you, and I don't want any woman but you," he said, leaning against her hand on his shoulder and looking in her eyes. Then he sighed, knowing the next part would be more difficult to express. "I'm not going to another girl's arms, not even for... that. But Elsa, this isn't like a secret I'm trying to hide from you. It's not something like 'my deepest fears' or 'my favorite color' or even 'my naughtiest fantasy', something that I should share with you so that we can be more intimate. This will hurt you, badly. And when I come back to myself I'm going to have to watch you cry. I can't see how this will really be good for either of us," his voice was soft and his eyes were pained.

He continued, but his voice sounded shaky, lacking conviction. It sounded almost as if he was trying to convince himself, not her. "This, surely, doesn't have to be a part of me. I have to be able to beat it somehow, make it go away." He closed his eyes and whispered, "You deserve better."
 
"No, no. No, Nick. I deserve you. And you deserve me. Didn't you say we were soul mates? The love of your life?" she squeezed his shoulders gently and then lifted one hand up to caress his cheek, almost like he was a child and she was a nursemaid or a loving mother. "I'm prepared to accept every part of you, even parts I may not like. That's what soul mates do, that's what being a soul mate is about. We're connected, Nick, at a deep place that no one can ever even dream of severing." she caressed his cheek again and then slid her hand around to the back of his neck, gently rubbing him there like she usually did after they'd made love.

"Can you tell me what it is you're looking for when you...change? Is it power? Is it complete control? Baby, you know I can give you those things. I'm not afraid to do this for you. Please, you'd be hurting me by denying me the chance to do this for you."
 
The touches and caresses were even more convincing than he had been worried about, especially when she touched him on the back of the neck. Nick wondered if she knew just how powerful a reaction he had when she touched or kissed him there. His mind went back to that time she had just rested her lips against that spot in the limo and he shivered a little. But even more powerful were her words, which seemed to be physically coming into contact his heart and soul. She was easing fears that he had been carrying from the moment he'd realized he was in love with her with nothing but her voice and words he had been yearning to hear. It was soothing balm, healing salve, for the self-inflicted wounds he'd opened by foolishly trying to leave her in the days before. She loved him, deeply, she was committed to him, deeply, and she wanted to accept all of him. It made him realize how truly alone he had been before he met her.

He could feel his resolve cracking as his very being started to ache for the love and acceptance she was trying to offer him, and it made him start to panic. His voice had something in it she my not have ever heard from him, nervousness. "It's more than that, Elsa, and worse. When you wear the collar for me, you give me a lot of control and power, but I feel the desire to take care of you while you 'serve' me. That can be a two way street of pleasure. This is something totally different," he said while swallowing hard. He looked her right in the eyes, fear and a little self-loathing playing there in his warm blue eyes, and said, "What I'm looking for, as you put it, is a victim."
 
It was hard for her to say this. It was hard for her to agree to this. Everything in her that was a strong independent woman told her that she should leave this man right here, right now. She should get in her car, drive back to Houston, pack up all of her things, and fly back home to Boston, where he couldn't find her. But her heart told her that that would be the absolute worst thing for her to possibly do. Her soul told her that if she left him here, she would be leaving herself here and that she would be leading a soulless, purposeless life for the rest of her many years. She couldn't leave him, she couldn't even entertain the thought. Even after everything bad that he'd put her through, the good things overruled them a thousandfold.

"A victim," she said softly, still stroking the back of his neck, "I...I can be that," her voice wavered a little bit, showing him that she was scared too. "It won't always be that way, though. We'll have angry sex, we'll have make up sex, we'll have spontaneous sex, we'll make love. I can be your victim too. It's hardly a sacrifice when I get a million other things from you."
 
Nick's eyes closed as she answered him, and he squeezed her thighs gently with his hands. He couldn't think of any other way to convince her. She was frightened, but not enough to rescind the offer. He wanted desperately to beg her to take it back, but he couldn't bring himself to because deep down, he knew he wanted this. He hated it, but it was true.

He opened his eyes slowly and looked into hers. He shook his head softly from side to side. "Elsa, there can't be anything I could offer you that's worth this," he said, but sighed, defeated. He leaned his head forward until he was laying against her chest. "But I can't live without you, either, and I don't know what else to do but accept what you're offering." He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tightly, deathly afraid that he had just agreed to destroy the most precious person he'd ever met.
 
She pulled him up as he wrapped his arms around her until he was up on the bed with her. Then she laid backwards and took him with her, entangling her legs with his. She nuzzled her face into his neck and kissed him gently, rocking back and forth slowly. "You're worth this, Nick." she murmured, barely able to speak, "You're worth everything,"

She sighed deeply, closing her eyes for a few moments. It felt amazing to be wrapped in his arms again, she wanted this to go on forever. They had lives to live though, lives together. She slowly pulled away from him and scooted herself around until her face was level with his. She pressed her lips against his and smiled, "Try to tell me when you...need it. Okay? So I can be ready."
 
He sighed deeply and let himself melt into her. He sighed and moaned softly as she kissed him and spoke to him. "I love you, Elsa. Whatever I am, I'm yours," he cooed gently into her ear, "I cannot believe how lucky I am." He breathed in deeply, inhaling every familiar detail of her presence. Had it only been a few days? It felt like lifetimes since they'd been together. When she moved to separate herself from him he almost whimpered, but he let her hair and the fabric of her clothes slip through his fingers gingerly.

When she kissed him and asked him for a warning, he blushed a little. He closed his eyes, but determined to be more good-natured and less fatalistic about her offer. He put on his playful tone and said, "Well right now... I need... a shower." He stuck his tongue out at her and winked, getting up and walking past her towards the master bathroom. He stopped in the doorway of the living room, though, and said a little more seriously over his shoulder in a very quiet voice, "But... soon, Elsa. It will be worse the longer I wait to let it out."
 
She stuck her tongue back out at him when he got up and walked towards the master bathroom. She sat up and stretched, unbuttoning her blazer and shrugging it off. She didn't need it right now. She didn't think that they were going to get naked and have sex, but she could at least be a little more casual. He was, after all, only in flannel pajama pants. She giggled at him as he walked away from her, but when he turned around to speak again the smile was wiped off of her face. She could see the serious there in his.

She nodded and gripped the fabric of the futon with her fingers. "Okay baby. Soon." she only hoped that just as soon, or sooner, they would be able to be together the way she liked them to be. To make love, or have playful sex, or even rough sex...just, consensually. Pleasurable for both of them, since she knew the rape would be difficult for them both, in different ways.
 
He left the door open as he turned on the shower, bypassing the large tub for the moment. He cleaned up a little, as he had spent most of the night on the tile floor with a few towels and some Smirnoff, then he heard his cell phone go off. He walked to the sink counter where he'd left it and flipped it open. There was a text from Amy. He laughed out loud and called out to the other room, "What did you say to Amy, babe? She sounds a little pissed at me."

He stepped out of his pjs and into the shower, letting the hot water start to turn his skin back into some semblance of a respectable gentleman. He shaved his face and washed his crazed hair. He was quick and efficient, not wanting to waste time while Elsa was here with him. He quickly stepped out and started to brush his teeth, popping a few Advil to take the edge off of his headache. His mind was starting to pull back together and he was pulling a plan together. He had told Elsa soon, but he wanted one more opportunity to romance her, one more chance to enjoy some mutual happiness before they tried this. "How would you feel about going out tonight, love? What would you like to do?"
 
Her eyes widened when Nick mentioned Amy. She laughed nervously and called out to him, "Oh...um. Nothing you need to worry about, honey." she got up and walked over to the bathroom. She stood in the doorway and watched him shower, smiling a little. He was so perfect. She thought that almost every time she watched him. After a few minutes she turned away from the bathroom and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge door and poured them both some sweet tea. When she heard him get out of the shower she walked back over and set his glass on the counter inside the bathroom.

"Hmm. I donno. We don't have to go out...we could just stay in and watch a movie. Or, if you want we could go out." honestly though, Elsa didn't really want to go out. She wanted Nick all to herself, one hundred percent. She wanted to hog him.
 
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