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It's so hard to find good help (dominant_minded X Nurse_K)

He could see the pain and confusion in her eyes. She looked like she didn't know what she felt or what she thought, much less what to say. When she invited him to sit down, he crossed slowly next to her. He didn't purposely sit far away from her on the couch, but he was hesitant to sit right next to her. He silently cursed himself for creating this distance. As soon as he sat down, Nick felt compelled to speak. "Elsa... I don't know what to say to you exactly," he began, rubbing his knees nervously, "I'm truly so sorry about last night, and I'm not asking you to forgive me for something so awful." He looked over at her and very nearly broke down and lost it. He loved her, and he was realizing just how dearly he did. He thought about how easily this could have led to a goodbye from her and not an 'I miss you', and he was terrified, not of being alone, but of losing someone so special. He'd never met anyone like her, and he already knew he never would again. He spoke again and his voice nearly broke, "I never want to hurt you like that again."
 
A piece of her wanted to bridge the physical gap between them and sit right next to him, right on him, to throw her limbs around him and cling to him so tightly that he could never dream of letting her go. But she sat where she was, stark still, her hands folded together tightly on her lap. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt, panties, and shorts, her usual laze around the house clothes since she hadn't thought she'd be going out anywhere today. She listened to his words but had an extremely hard time looking at him. She didn't want to cry, and she knew that looking at him while he spoke would make her do just that. She felt so drawn to him, she felt like she needed him so badly. She could barely control herself enough not to grab his hand just so that they could have some physical touch.

"Can...can you tell me why it happened?" she asked shakily, wanting to hear from him why he thought it happened. SHe had her own theories, but she wanted to know what he thought. What he thought was really all that mattered. It was his body, his mind, that had reacted that way.
 
His eyes closed and he was glad that she wasn't looking right at him. Maybe he had been trying to deflect her from this topic with the promise he had just given. He didn't want to go down this road. He was afraid she really wouldn't like where it led. "I have a few ideas," he said very softly, his tone sounding a little colder. "It wasn't the first time I've been like that." He paused. He didn't want to explain that further; he'd hurt her enough for one week already. He struggled to find the right words. His voice got lower, and she could hear the twinges of guilt in it, "I think I was... taking things out on you, Elsa." He sniffed, blinking back tears. He wasn't sure what his exact definition of domestic abuse was, but it seemed that taking out your problems physically on your partner would fit pretty well.
 
It was fairly obvious to her that there was more to the story than he was telling her, but she wasn't going to push it. She raised her eyes just in time to see him blinking back tears. She seemed to be especially good at making him cry, which she hated. Bringing up his dad, this. She needed to stop that trend. She slowly slid herself over next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She couldn't stand being so far away from him anymore. She squeezed him tightly with her hug, burying her face into his chest. She took a deep breath, inhaling that smell that was one hundred percent undoubtedly Nick Anders. She loved that smell. She pulled away slowly, finally looking into his eyes. "Just listen when I say no next time, okay?" and then she gave him a little smile, pressing her forehead to his.
 
He let out a sigh. She was giving him a great opportunity to drop this, and he dearly wanted to, but she also didn't seem to understand just how... dangerous he could be. He squeezed her tightly for a moment, trying to talk himself into letting it go. Then he stood up from the couch, leaving her sitting by herself again, and stood facing away from her. He let out a deep sigh, unable to look at her while he said this. "There can't be a next time, Elsy," he said softly, "You don't understand what I'm like in that kind of... mood. It's not like I chose not to listen to you last night." He put his hands in his pockets, so he could ball his hands up into fists without her noticing, still not looking back at her. "I didn't even hear you, Elsa," he continued, explaining, "I'm not going to let myself start down that path again, but you've got to let me walk away if I have to tell you good night." His voice sounded tight and determined, but deeply pained.
 
She furrowed her brows when he stood up and said there couldn't be a next time. What did that mean exactly? That their relationship was over? That they wouldn't have sex anymore? Or just that they wouldn't be rough anymore? "What do you mean? Are...are you breaking up with me?" she stood up too, her heart began to beat wildly. Here she was trying to reconcile with him, forgiving him for what HE did to her and he was pulling this on her? That wasn't right, not at all. He should be listening to an ultimatum from her, not the other way around! "I don't understand." her voice grew soft and shaky and the color drained from her face.
 
He turned quickly to face her. "No, Elsa, I don't think I could bear that," he said seriously, looking her in the eye. He saw the pale shaky look on her face and took her immediately into his arms. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he said sighing in her ear, "I was so scared this morning that I had lost you. I don't think I could even think of walking away from you, even if I thought it was the best thing for you." His voice got quieter and softer, "I think I"m too selfish for that." He took a deep breath and changed the subject back, "What I'm trying to say, is that you can't just.... trust me." It hurt just to say it, but he managed to keep his voice even, trying to keep as much of the burden on himself as possible.
 
She wrapped her arms around him tightly, feeling enormously relieved to be in his arms again. She nuzzled her face into his neck and wanted to kiss it, but refrained from doing so. She could tell that he was feeling just as unstable as she was and she didn't want to push him too far. She pulled back a little bit but kept her arms around him. "Trust you? Nick, of course I trust you. I still don't understand what you're trying to get at." she unwrapped one arm from around him and stroked his cheek gently, "Just tell me. I'm not going to judge you. Just tell me."
 
He sighed deeply as she held him. It was funny how he was sure she felt like he was holding her, when he felt like the opposite was just as true. He leaned into her hand on his cheek and closed his eyes, nuzzling into her touch. It was like a warm, safe blanket, and he clung to as he started to explain. It was so easy to let her disarm him, to let her peel the armor back and get inside. His tone was soft and calm, but it felt like he was making a confession as he said, "I sometimes let myself go like I did last night. It's always been a conscious decision before, but last night I didn't exactly see it coming. Even when I choose to give myself over to that kind of mood, though, I don't have my usual self control." He paused for a moment, his eyes still closed. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking right into hers. His voice was still soft, but there was a warning note to the tone now, "And that's what I mean when I say you can't trust me, Elsa, not when I'm like that. It's not as simple as telling me to listen next time when you say no. I'm sure you told me no last night. I'm sure you asked me to stop, plead with me even, but I'm telling you, I didn't even hear it. I was too far gone." He swallowed hard as he said the next words, but didn't shy away from them. "The pleas and pain, that's what I'm after when I'm like that. It doesn't register as anything else, and I'm lucky I heard you when I did, Elsa." His voice got even softer, barely above a whisper, "It could have gotten a lot worse. It... has been before."

He looked in her eyes for a moment longer, then closed his eyes again and leaned his cheek back into her hand, searching for that warm security again. When he felt wrapped up in her warmth again he spoke again, "And that's why it's not going to happen again. I can't let it. Whatever it takes, Elsa, I don't want to hurt you again."
 
She hadn't realized that he had lost so much control last night. She knew he was being wild and perhaps reckless, but she didn't think it'd been that bad. She nodded slowly, silently, thinking for a few moments before she answered him. So he'd done that to other women before. But apparently, he'd never had to stop. Had they asked him to stop? It hurt her to think that a woman would ask and beg for him to stop and he wouldn't, so she pushed those thoughts out of her mind.

She looked straight into his eyes and said, "Okay, Nick. I won't push you to stay with me. If you tell me that you have to go...then you have to go. I understand." she went up on her tiptoes and pressed her forehead to his gently, letting her lips brush over his lightly. "I missed you a lot, Nick. I love you,"
 
When he heard the understanding in her voice, the heeding of his warning, he relaxed and let himself melt into her touch. The relief at her forgiving tone and touch and warmth from her loving embrace rolled over him, making his legs feel a little weak. When she nuzzled him and lightly kissed him, he sighed contentedly. When she said she had missed him and that she loved him, his eyes closed and he whispered back, "I love you too." For a moment he felt like he was on the verge of tears again, but then a wide grin spread across his face. His voice had the familiar playful tone again when he spoke, but was more affectionate than perhaps it had ever been, "You missed me? I was gone all of what... two hours?"
 
She laughed at him and kissed his nose quickly before pulling away from him. She moved back to the couch and plopped down onto it, stretching her body out along the cushions. "Mhm. I missed you for all of those two hours. I think I'm kind of addicted to you," she giggled again and rolled over onto her back, stretching once more. "Do youuuu have a problem with that?" she stuck her tongue out at him and laughed for a third time, her eyes raking over his body slowly. He looked so haggard, still shirtless with his suspenders draped across him. He looked a hot mess, while she just looked like she was hanging out for the day. For once, she was in better shape than he was.
 
He grinned at her and answered, sticking his own tongue out at her, "Oh not at all, you silly thing. After all, I wouldn't want to be the only drug addict in this relationship." He shoved her over slightly so that he could sit down next to her on the couch. Then he leaned down over her and pressed his lips onto hers as softly as he could, every bit the loving gentleman. He brushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear as his lips embraced hers. "Turn over, babe," he whispered softly against her lips as he broke the kiss, and then he sat back and took her shoulders in his hands.

Softly and gently, he rolled her over on the couch until she was laying on her stomach. He started at her shoulders. Using well practiced hands he began to massage the muscles and tendons that ran along the back of her neck and out towards her arms. His thumbs carefully searched out any sign of tension, pressing with as much pressure as was necessary to make it melt under his touch. It wasn't long until he was moving down along her spine, following the lines of her muscles outwards to her shoulder blades, seeking out and defeating knots of tension one after another. He leaned down and said in his velvet voice with a very naughty tone, "I can see you have some tension in your upper back, not surprising considering the... ahem, endowments you're carrying on the other side." He leaned to the side to look her in the face while he rubbed, giving her a little wink.
 
She enjoyed his gentle kisses. Perhaps she enjoyed them more than his passionate and erotic kisses. It was when he kissed her gently and tenderly that she knew he really loved her, not just that he lusted after her. She allowed him to turn her over. She folded her arms under head and sighed heavily, resting her head on them. She closed her eyes as he began to massage her, all of the tension in her body slowly flowing out. She loved the feel of his hands on her back, working out all of the knots she had there. His hands were gentle but firm at the same time, perfect.

She giggled when he mentioned her 'endowments'. "Mmm...you're silly," she moaned, her eyes still closed and her mouth smushed against her arm. She sighed again, her body completely relaxed. He'd never given her a massage before, but so far he was doing amazingly.
 
His thumbs dug in gently along her spine, forcing the tissues to yield under the insistent pressure. Nick moved his hands slowly down her back, his fingertips melting anything that resisted like a hot knife pressing through butter. He could feel that her back was still a little cool to the touch, despite her loose cotton shirt, and he pressed his palms against her while his thumbs worked their magic, radiating heat the heat from his entirety of his hands to the surrounding areas. When he had melted everything he could find in the small of her back, he began to work around the base of her spine. He dug his fingers into the hard crevices of the back of her pelvic bone just above her bottom, releasing pressure from muscles that didn't even know they were carrying it.

And of course, once he finally got to her rear end, he spent a lot more time massaging the area than was truly necessary to get the tension out. Suprisingly, though, he didn't stop there. He felt inspired to give her a full rub down and started moving further down to her hamstrings. He managed to behave himself enough not to sneak a feel of her womanhood, though he allowed himself some very close proximity; he didn't want her to jump and ruin the relaxed state of the muscles he'd already worked through. He worked more strenuously on the stronger fibers of her leg muscles, moving all the way down her hamstrings and her calves before moving from his spot on the couch.

She could feel him get up, and the next moment, her feet were being lifted out of the way to make room for him to sit there. Her feet were then gently lowered back across his lap, feeling the semi-rough, uncomfortable texture of his tux pants as he went to work on them. He used his knuckles for a while, then switched back to his thumb as they got tired, making sure he could keep up the high pressure that he needed to really work the two parts of her that were tasked with supporting her entire weight every time she walked.
 
She couldn't believe the kind of nonsexual attention her was lavishing on her. He'd never really given her this much physical attention that wasn't sexual. It always turned sexual very fast, if it didn't end almost directly after it started. She was thoroughly enjoying it though, he was working out every single ounce of tension she had stored up in her. When he got to her feet she wriggled a little bit, her feet were extremely ticklish. But he was gentle and tender and soon her feet were more relaxed then they'd been in a very long time. Once she was satisfied with what he'd done she rolled over onto her back and smiled at him.

"Thanks, babe." she cooed softly, adjusting herself so that she was sitting rather than laying. She rubbed her feet on his thighs gently, leaning over to pick up her phone. She looked at the clock and saw that it was almost noon. She tossed it away from her again and returned her attention to him. "It's almost noon. Are you hungry? I didn't give you much breakfast. I could make you some lunch,"
 
"I'd love some, babe," he answered with a smile. He gave her a playful swat on the behind as she got up and laughed. Everything felt right with the world.

* * *

It had been a week since the weekend he spent at her house, and almost as long since they had had sex. They had slept together, but only in the literal sense. Still, it had been wonderful. The week back had been somewhat busy, though Nick made sure to do as much of the business as possible when Elsa was unavailable, which was usually lunch and during the day since she was still insisting on the professional appearances. He could tell that she was starting to get antsy after they spent two nights apart and he had to tell her no on the night she came to stay at his place. They had had to sleep in different rooms that night, and Nick had insisted that she take the huge master bed. To placate her, though she wasn't all that enthusiastic about the setting, he had locked his office door and asked her straddle his lap in his leather chair the next day at the office.

Tonight though, he could tell they were looking at another night apart. He was kissing her on her front porch and starting to get passionate when he felt the familiar haze starting to roll over his eyes and pulled away from her. He took several deep breaths and stared at her, telling himself over and over again that this was Elsa, the woman he loved. "I'm afraid I've got to go, love," he said huskily. He added with more of a playful tone than he felt, "I've got a bit of a headache. Not tonight, ok?"
 
Elsa was reaching the end of her rope with Nick and his constant refusal of her. They'd had sex one time since the incident at her house, and it hadn't been very good. It'd been a quickie in his office, in his leather chair, with her doing all the work. She wasn't exactly opposed to doing the work, but she knew he was only doing it so that she'd get off. In fact, neither of them had even gotten off. She'd faked it, gotten off of him, and left his office, pretending to be all adoring and loving. She never thought she'd have to fake an orgasm with him, or that he'd believe her when she did. But it happened.

She rolled her eyes at him that night on her front porch. She just unlocked her door, stepped inside, and slammed it in his face. She locked it and went right upstairs, unable to even say goodnight to him. She really thought that he was getting out of hand with this. She had needs, just like he did, and they were both going unsatiated. She would never cheat on him, but she couldn't just keep living in a sexless relationship. She needed something, at least.

He was supposed to come over to her house the next weekend for a special dinner. She was due to get her period in the middle of the week so they wouldn't be able to have sex anyway. But she didn't get her period. She thought maybe it was late, but the day of the dinner she still didn't have it. She was even beginning to feel sick in the mornings. A terrible thought hit her and she raced to the drug store, coming home with a pregnancy kit. She went into her bathroom and did the test, but it came back inconclusive. Inconclusive almost always meant pregnant.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. She went down the stairs and opened the door silently, the dinner haphazardly set on the table, not even half as fancy as she'd wanted it to be. She just stared at him, not even letting him in the door. "What's wrong, babe?" he asked her, the flowers he was holding tilting to the side a little. She silently stepped back and allowed him in. She walked over to the couch and set both hands on it, bending over a little as she tried to think.

"I...I might be pregnant," she breathed, her voice shaking.
 
Nick had just managed to close her door when he saw her leaning on the couch for support. Something serious was wrong. He started to walk over to take her in his arms when she said she might be pregnant. He stopped in his tracks. For the briefest of moments, he was... excited. But his mind wasn't going to be agreeable about this. It went to the worst of the deepest darkness first, his mother. Everything about their relationship had gone so fast. They had barely known each other before he had fallen for her, and it was barely a day later that he had realized he really couldn't do without her. Suddenly he had a terrible vision of all of it being taken away not after 50 or so years of some sort of life together, but after 9 short months. In his mind he was standing there, clear as day, holding the only part of Elsa that would still be alive on the earth. He was Charlie. He felt sick; it was far too easy to accept that Charlie's legacy to him would be in the form of a curse.

Then the anger came. Things started clicking. "How did this..." he started, then stopped, and she could practically hear him drawing the conclusion. His voice got quieter, but it wasn't soft or comforting, it was accusing, "No, you're not on anything are you? That was just a stupid assumption of mine, wasn't it? I just assumed that you would have, I don't know, at least told me that we were operating without any protection. How silly of me. Unbelievable. You just let me go inside you over and over again and never even mentioned it. Un-be-leivable. I don't know whether your a sentimental fool or just a reckless irresponsible one. At the very least, shouldn't I have been allowed to know what you were deciding to do?" His hand was clenched around the flowers so tight that the stems were getting crushed. So this was going to be his reaction, to blame her, to act as if she'd done this on purpose and this was the result she'd wanted.
 
At first she thought she was going to cry. She didn't know if the crying would be good or bad, but she really thought she would cry. But then the tables turned and he began to accuse her of being irresponsible. She stood up and turned around to face him, her face twisting from being upset and worried to being seethingly furious.

"Are you serious!?" she hissed at him, narrowing her eyes and balling her hands up into tight fists. "Did you ever once ask me if I was okay with you coming inside of me? Huh? That first day? Did you ask me? No. It could have happened from that, you bastard!" her face was turning a deep scarlet red and she wasn't even going to bother trying to hide her anger. He'd been cutting her off for more than a week now and she finally couldn't stand it. He was being incredibly selfish and she was done with that.

"So now it's my fault. It's my fault that you're stronger than me, that you pin me down, like it or not, and you shoot your fucking seed wherever you damn well feel like it!" she could insult him about that as much as she wanted, but she knew that wouldn't be what would really hurt him. And right now she was aiming for the jugular. "At least I'm responsible when it comes to my duties to other people. I don't skip work for three days and run corporate credit cards like it's free money. I take work seriously, unlike the juggalo that you love to be. Get out of my house," she spat, turning around and beginning to storm away from him.
 
She had just reached the stairs when the bouquet came flying past her head, hitting the wall just in front of her and virtually exploding, petals and loose flowers littering the floor in front of her. His voice was louder, demanding to be heard over the distance she was trying to put between them. He was furious now. "You don't have the first clue what you're talking about, woman!" he roared, not even using her name now. "At least I didn't use your own trust against you when I was the one risking things. Or am I wrong? Didn't you tell me you loved me, and then turned around and didn't bother to warn me?" He was rushing after her now, not about to let her get away. He could feel his blood boiling, but he wasn't interested in raping her right now. No, he wanted to level her.

"And just what do you think you would know about my responsibilities? Have you ever been responsible to investors on one side and thousands of workers on the other? Tell me, Elsa how many future fortune 1000 companies have you run, since you know so much? You don't have any idea what my responsibilities are. The shareholders don't care about the workers who make them their money, and the workers couldn't care less about those 'fat cat' shareholders. I don't have either of those luxuries. I have to care about both of them. There absolutely is no company if the shareholders don't consistently make money, and then no one has a job. But if the company cuts jobs at the first sign of trouble to make sure it stays in the black for the shareholders, then the workers lose morale and productivity falls." He was spitting the words out like he was explaining the real world to a petulant child.

"Do you know where I, the irresponsible CEO of Anders, Inc., was last October through December when the credit markets started freezing? While everyone involved in the company was getting antsy about how big the cuts in their dividends or Christmas bonus was going to be, and gearing up to start the complaints flowing to my office, I was shooting around the globe to Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and Central America trying to do two things at once. Trying to sell our new batteries and chips, to people that knew we didn't have the resources to go into production, in large enough quantities that I could try to convince lenders and investors to give us the money to produce the batteries and chips that they knew we couldn't sell because no one wanted to buy from a company that they weren't sure was going to be around next year at the same time. I spent every waking moment trying to sell vapid ideas and dreams more than actual products and actual profits to customers and lenders. I slept 2 hours a night if I was lucky. I was in and out of every bar, strip club, and smoking room in 20 countries. I would throw up in the morning and have to be everybody's favorite person by 10:30 a.m. I very nearly killed myself, but I managed to scrape enough invoices and cash together to save the company without cutting anyone's job."

He paused breathing hard, but he wasn't done, "Do you know where I spent January? In the hospital with pneumonia, with doctors telling me I had to stop holding meetings in my room or I was going to get worse. So don't you dare lecture me about responsibility, Elsa. You're not qualified. If I buy 2 million dollars worth of luxury sports cars and take 4 or 5 days off without telling anyone BECAUSE I FOUND MY SOUL MATE, THE LOVE OF MY FREAKING LIFE, I KNOW THAT I'VE EARNED IT. It's the least that the company can let me have."
 
She turned back around to him, barely able to restrain herself from picking up a vase and throwing it at his head. "Your soulmate? The love of your freaking life? Really? The one you just said tricked you? The one who lied to you and said she loved you? The one who's trying to burden you? The one who didn't warn you? You really think I would do that to you? Thanks for having such faith in me, Mr.Anders." and with that she brushed passed him and went to the front door. She swung it open and held a hand out for him, gesturing out the door as if she was a doorman and he was a fancy renter in an apartment house. "Get out of my house."

(Short, but effective I hope!)
 
He stood there and stared at her. His hands balled up into fists. He locked his gaze with hers and his eyes started to glaze over. He saw red. He had made five steps across the room, not towards the door but towards her, before he realized what was happening. He came back to himself with a huge gasp and wide eyes. He stumbled to one knee, fighting for self control. The images in his head of her crumpled up in a ball sobbing beneath his hands made him wince in pain. He stood back up and focused on the door. He passed her without looking at her, scared of the temptation he might feel in such an angry state. Once he was on the doorstep, he turned his head and said only one more thing to her, calmer this time, "If you think I would ever consider you a burden, you don't know me." He walked down the walkway then, toward his car.
 
"Don't come back this time!" she screamed from inside the house, watching him go down the front steps and across the lawn to his car. She seethed for a moment, just staring at him as he left her there. She slammed the door, locking and then deadbolting it. She stared at the walnut door for a couple of seconds and then whirled around, storming across the living room and into the dining room. There was the dinner, sitting there all haphazardly. The candles were flickering and the wine sat in ice. She growled angrily and sat down at her chair and began to pick at her food. She opened the wine and poured herself a glass, but instead of the usual small amount she filled it almost to the brim. And began to drink.
 
He heard it clearly, and it struck deeper than anything else she'd said. He closed his eyes and very nearly turned back, but he couldn't. He was so close to out of control. The fears, the concerns, the anger, the deepened frustrations... it was too much. He got in the car. He started it. He left. And he had no idea where he was going.

***

He didn't show up the next day for work, or the next. There was no message, no email. On the third day, there was an almost steady stream of visitors to Elsa's desk who had given up on trying to get a meeting with him through the phone and decided to make a personal appearance. The only whiff of Nick around the office came in a rather strange form. The head of accounting showed up and, after being told that Nick wasn't in, answered that she had come to see Elsa, not Nick. She introduced herself as Amy and said that Nick had called her at home and asked her to come by. "Can we.. talk in his office?" she asked, obviously more than a little uncomfortable.
 
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