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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Thanks, guys. It was just kind of written out of a little bit of hurt, that's all. I've been feeling particularly lonely lately and it just sucked out loud. But I'm fine now and had a great time out with friends and whatnot and made friends with this Polish guy who's pretty cute but I dunno. I'm not like forcing anything or searching anything out but who knows?

I know I am fucking awesome, but sometimes my ego takes a hit. UNLIKE TRYGON. >8U

But in all seriousness, it was kind of just a little bit of bitching on my part. Anyways, all is well in the world of Shay.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

If only you didn't live so far away kiddo.
I'm in a bit of a slump myself, I understand how they come and go.

essentially it's just a load of bullshit you gotta work through, and keeping busy is usually the best way to go about that. out of sight, out of mind as it were.

And there is always somemore more compatible for you out there somewheres.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Yeah, I was talking to Trygon about distance earlier cause yeah, the distance sucks ass. But seriously, DJ, if you ever feel like talking outside the realm of internetz, steal Trygon's phone. xD

Anyways, yeah, I'll be pretty busy with school starting/work starting/moving into the apartment. Lots of stuff to do soon. But yeah, slumps come and go. And now I'm like unsure if I even want a relationship cause I thought about it yesterday and felt like I was gonna freak out. So blah. Crazy stuff.

I didn't have internet for the past couple days, so yeah. >.> IF ANYONE MISSED ME- that's awesome.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Fuck College​
Found out my current literature class is an elective-which I don't need! So now I have to swap that out. I'm gonna be dropping organic chemistry and trying to take Cell Biology-which can only be done through the department head of my major. So that's gonna be fun! I also am gonna be adding another class, so if the English thing doesn't work out-fuck it, I'm dropping it and taking it during the summer. I move in like three days-ish, and I haven't been able to get a thing done packing wise except what is already in my car. I'm stressing out like a fucker and to top it all off-I was sick last night and this morning which made me late for my first class. FABULOUS. He looked like he was gonna MURDER me. And I just realized I haven't eaten for 24 hours. At least I can remedy a few things today.

Fuck college. Seriously.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Moving~​

All right, I've been stressed as hell and it does hell on my ability to roleplay, so that's why I haven't been roleplaying for the past week or so. College schedule looked bleak for awhile but I think I saved myself from a lot of hell. Anyways, I'm moving tomorrow and will only be on when I'm at work for the next couple days. I only have work on sunday, monday, and tuesday (I believe) so those are the days I'll be on unless I can siphon internet while setting up the apartment. I dunno when exactly I'll have full internet, but I'll be sure to let people know. And if you need to talk to me for some reason, a couple of you have my number which you can reach me at if need be. I'll be on today, but probably not tomorrow.

So ta-ta for now.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

_Kitten said:
  • ; - ;
    -waves HR off with a hankerchief in a hand and a tear in an eye-
    Meh bbyâ??s all grown up~
    Now if only she'd move towards the West -grumblegrumble-[/list:u]
Click to expand...

  • I know, right?
    -lurks-
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Update~!​

So it's possible I might have internet tomorrow! Woots! Along with cable and phone service~ But I'm not sure. However, Tuesday is the latest wait for stuff and thank gawd I have only one class tomorrow now (schedule changed again!) And work at 4. So yay for getting laundry done and buying books for classes. I pretty much have a lazy schedule again but at least I will have time to get things done during the week and not feel like I'm being suffocated. The apartment is pretty good though we are sorta set up in the "ghetto" of Salem. At least the street lights give me a night light. :D

The apartment is still getting set up and I need a mirror in my room (no outlets in the bathroom) but I have pretty much all my stuff in my room. I still need to move my bookcase and books (I need a bigger bookcase. >.>) I'll be posting pictures up of the apartment at a later date-when I have internetzz~. I did cry yesterday cause I was leaving my mom (she's the only one who's always been there for me) but I'm all right since I'm not "leaving her" leaving her. And home is still pretty close. I like having my own place with my own rules, I'm just gonna miss seeing my mom everyday and talking with her all the time. Oh, crap, I'm gonna start crying if I get really into it. Anyways, that's the update in Shay's world.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Just remember the disapproval and harassment she'd hand out to you as well, and then having your own space will feel better. There's good and bad in everything, my dear.

I'm excited for you to set your own rules! You get to decide what works for you and what doesn't. Do you still have a roommate? You get to work things out with them, too!
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Seriously. Fuck. This.​

I'm trying to keep my chin up and not let this shit bring me down, but I shouldn't have to deal with this much stress right now. It seems that I had to get landed with fucker teachers and they all suck and hate me. Except for like...two of them. I'm on my THIRD english teacher (changed schedule twice now) And swear to gawd, I better not get another bitch. I can't keep changing my classes much longer. Hopefully though I can get into Cell Biology (which I really want). Anyways, Still no internet at the apartment and might not have it until Thursday (WHICH IS KILLING ME IN ALL WAYS) I can live without TV and phone service, but being online allows me to just chill out. But seriously, fuck this. I have to send in my schedule probably by the end of the week for the VA, and then I'll pretty much be stuck with what I get. Thankfully, two of my friends had ORGO Chem books so I don't have to buy them and saved me about 300$. Thank them for making a little bit of sunshine in my sucky rainy day. I'm gonna have to do a bunch of shit probably tomorrow before my Evolutionary Morphology class but at least I won't have to worry about that class so much. I love the library for allowing me to take out books I need for my classes and not spending money.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

-returns the hugs-

On a side note, I have no idea when I will start roleplaying again. With my current energy and stress levels and lack of internet at home and only at school, I honestly don't know. It might take a few weeks-maybe a month or so. I'm really not sure.

I apologize to my RP partners, but school always comes first.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I'm gonna be going to counciling at my school tomorrow and I'm a little nervous and scared. I haven't been to counciling since 2nd grade or something. I'm trying not to stress about it and just taking things slow. I'm worried about Lab work more than anything but it shouldn't be too hard to do, I hope. I'm gonna email my lab professor again just to see if he got my first message and then ask how to do the next lab assignment and what goes with it. We are suppose to have internet either today or tomorrow at the apartment, which will make things easier for me. I'm gonna have to ask roomie to get his printer from home so I won't have to worry about paying for printing at the library.

Trying to take everything one day at a time.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

You're doing well. Just keep pushing through, and things will resolve back down the usual levels of life stress, not this giant shitstorm you've got going.

The thing to remember about counseling is, it only does what you want it to. You could go to counseling for a decade, and if you don't want to engage with it, if you don't want to make use of it, it'll do nothing. On the other hand, all they really want to do is help you deal with things yourself, so if you want some help, they've at least got some training and some experience, and their advice can be helpful if you're ready for it. They're not telling you what to do or think, they're supposed to help you figure things out with listening and advice. So, don't be nervous, they're not judging you. It's kind of against the job description to do that. If you want help, they can offer some. I just hope it works with you. :)
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

~dresses up in a black and purple bondage-cheerleader outfit with a big orange H on it, and begins to cheer Hahvy on~

H. A. H-V-Y, who's our girl that rocks our world?! HAAAHVYYY!!

~throws black and purple pom-poms into the air, then draws a couple FN Five-seveNs and begins firing wildly at the sky~
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

XD! Oh, Kite. I really needed that. I feel like I've hardly been able to smile. And thanks, MM. I know they are there to offer advice. It's hard for me to ask for help when I usually take care of everything myself or always have my mom to help me. She's here, of course, but for the past few days she felt really far away. We're going to arrange that I call her every night just to say good night and stay over a few days a week-probably on mondays and wednesdays. Things will get easier when roommate doesn't leave in the middle of the night for work and leave me at the apartment alone. He's trying to get a regular fulltime job, but he's not sure when he'll be getting that so we have to deal with that. But I pretty much curl up with him in his room and watch movies until I'm too tired and go to my own room. He says good night before he leaves for work. I'm really glad I live with him because he's there for me when I need it the most. Yay for living with best friends.

Anyways, I'm glad I'm home-home right now and had an actual shower and managed to stomach a sammich and little bit of Fritos. It's been hard to eat and I felt kind of sick this morning. But things will get better. I have that hope. Internet should be installed tomorrow or possibly today-but tomorrow is definite which will make things easier. I was mostly put into the "pressure cooker" as my mom says because my Organic Chemistry sheets are all online. But with internet coming tomorrow, I'm not as stressed now. -takes a deep breath- Just relaxing for now and then gonna get some homework out of the way so I can relax tomorrow as well and just chill on the internet or something.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I hope that cheer did something for you.

I had to shave my body for it!

~runs a hand over his leg~

This silky-smoothness will only be here a couple days longer. T.T
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I find it so strange to read your journals, Hahvy. The connection you have with your family and how this change of dependency you have from being entirely taken care of in the comfort of your parent's home to independence and living on your own. For myself it was a rather forceful and sudden change that happened years and years ago, and Trygon can attest to this. I just wonder how different things would be if I had somehow altered the course of my life into school and further educational development as opposed to being thrust straight into the world with only my wits and a half-ounce of social skills.

We come from two completely separate walks of life, and I think you are a fascinating individual.
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?​

Well, I'm starting to have doubts about my trip to WA that I've been thinking about planning. I'm not sure if I should just not go or go anyways and deal with possible hurt/disappointment or some such thing. I think about things that sometimes I over-think them and add in possibilities that could very well happen or not happen. I'm not all that confident. I have several self-doubts and shitty self-esteem that I'm really working on. I'm just getting tired of getting hurt. I'll be in WA for like a week tops and I just wanna remember it fondly instead of with distaste. I'm over-thinking again but I don't know what to think really.

Should I take the trip and say fuck whatever happens or just stay home? Worse comes to worse, I'll drink and play video games.​
 
Re: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

There's an old saying: the saddest thing you can say is "I should've..."

The times when you run into the problem of being disappointed is when you have expectations. If you can get over expecting much of anything, then whatever happens is a good thing, in part because it's just so damned new.

I'd say it's up to whether or not you can just not expect too much. If you're willing to enter into it with a "let's see what's out there," and just have a bare minimum of things you predict are going to happen (like, "I'll meet X and Y," without trying to think about what's going to happen after that), then I think you should go. You'll travel someplace new, you'll see things you've not seen before, you're... are you going solo, or with a friend? Not with family, right? So that's always an adventure. Do a few touristy things, meet some people in the flesh that you haven't met before.

It sounds like it would be utterly awesome. But there's that overthinking. You predict and expect and fret about whether it's going to go right. Well, if there's no pre-set plan, then however it goes is "right," no matter what that is. You can hope the people you meet are going to be as nice in person as on the internet, but if you don't predicate anything on that being true, then they can be whatever. You can hit it off or not. It's all about what you go into it with.

Now, I know telling you not to develop expectations is like telling a fish it's got to ride a bicycle, but I think you can at least work on it. If you consciously work on trying to eliminate your expectations, that might be successful.

Don't let fear and worries about what might happen keep you from enjoying what could be a wonderful experience. Take steps to protect yourself if you must, but don't just write it off out of fear, hon.
 
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