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Hidden (lady/moon)

“Yes it is. You can’t leave. There’s places we can’t go. There’s even a guard. It’s a prison.”Sarah made a face, not about to admit that she was okay with staying here, she wanted to be angry with them, because it was easier to be angry with the people here then at james, at herself for not realizing just how different she was. Smirking a little she nodded.”I’m sure they are. You’re just all scary and intimidating, they don’t know you. You’re just a fluffy kitten.”Sarah snickered a little. “You always stopped in time. Never had to worry about you hurting me.”She sniffled a little pressing her face against his chest, trying to relax, before shaking her head. “Come explore the gym with me. I’m awake now, if I want to get any sleep I need to work off some energy.”she muttered already pulling away, looking at him with dark eyes, tired and worn eyes that said in the 8 years they’d been seperated there’d been many sleepless and lonely nights, and she wasn’t ready to sleep yet.
 
he snorted. "if this is a prison, then i'm appalled with how the Avengers treat their allies." he paused. "although, i don't think he trusts them at all." he admitted. "i am scary and intimidating. and don't forget, just because i'm nice to you, doesn't mean i'm not a murderer Sarah." he pointed out as he chuckled. "alright. i'm coming." he agreed as he stood up and stretched, getting dressed before following her down to the Gym, where it was empty and quiet. Steve and the Avengers used the Gym up in the eighty three and up levels. and none of the Ducklings or the SI workers where going to be up at this time in the morning. they had the place to themselves. Bucky settled into a familiar pattern against a punching bag that couldn't be broken. some of the SI workers who lived there where actually on Shields 'list' so they needed some tough machines. "you dont remember him, do you?" James asked. "that man, Grant Ward."
 
“So are they. Or have you forgotten that both Hawkeye and Black Widow are on their team?”Sarah grumbled, well. She was more world weary and jaded then he’d left her with, unwilling to cut anyone slack, because hydra had taught her it was a good way to hang herself if she did. Settling in front of the punching bag she taped up her hands so she could work out, she shook her head. Before pausing, then thinking about it. “I remember.... Following after someone like a puppy when I was home from class. But that could have been you. And...he held me after you were put on ice. But...no. Not really.”She shrugged as she fell into the workout pattern as she worked out, feeling better then she had since hydra had been revealed, settled and together as she worked out, talking simply because she couldn’t stand to be asleep yet.
 
he chuckled a little. "yes, but Black widow and Hawckeye nearly gave their lives defending Steve and the others." he admitted. "considering how much control Hydra had over Shield. their paranoia is rather to be expected." he admitted. "you can trust them. i know it." he assured her. "and it's not just because i used to 'play tonsil hockey' with Captain America." he promised her. "i didn't think so." he admitted. "he used to come over every weekend for specialty training." he admitted. "he's only a few years older than you." he admitted. "you had the most humungous crush on him." he admitted with a chuckle. "i cannot believe he thinks that lazy fucktard Garret trained him." he growled. "as if Garret could ever do the things he's capable of." he shook his head. "he used to teach you mathematics. i'm terrible with numbers." he admitted. "in return, i'd teach him interesting tricks. he was called Andrew back then. Andrew Sitwell." he admitted. "he was picked up from an orphanage that burned down when he was three and adopted into the Hydra initiative." he admitted. "he grew up a lot like you did, under Hydra control with Hydra propaganda. when you where eighteen, he and i worked in Tandem to try and get you free." he admitted, hitting the bag again before pausing. "i'd always figured they'd killed him for his betrayal. but i guess there really are things worse than death."
 
“...Just because you two had me as your secret little love child and didn’t tell me, doesn’t mean I’m going to trust them. Though if you tell me my mother really is you and you carried me for 9 months, I’m going to through you out a window and still not trust them.”Sarah frowned a little trying to think about it, stopping the punches as she leaned against the punching bag as she thought, “....Grant Ward fits him better.”She wrinkled her nose a little as she considered what the name meant ‘Great protector.’ “...He didn’t know me. I remember that first mind wipe....and you going on ice. He had no idea who either of us were.”She paused thinking it over, she could almost remember more. “I remember him teaching me math.....he let me count in different languages...I taught him russian in return for teaching me some of the higher mathetical theories...”
 
he laughed, he couldn't help it. "i don't think you can throw me out the windows Pet." he admitted. "they wouldn't let me stay here if escaping as as simple as jumping out a window." he admitted as he resumed punching the bag. "i don't know who your mother was." he admitted. "i didn't even know you where my own flesh and blood until you where six. i didn't know Steve was the their parent until you where twelve." he admitted. "Grant Ward does fit him better.' he agreed, shaking his head. "you don't remember the first mind wipe. they held you under that machine, screaming, for ten minutes before they strapped me to it. when i came to, you where screaming and crying and Ward was pulling you out. letting you cry on his shoulder and i was going under the ice and i didn't know you." he admitted, resting his forehead on the bag and closing his eyes. "i think they fried his brain Sarah... and then they rewrote it."
 
“I’m fairly certain I can. I haven’t found anything strong enough that I can’t eventually hit through.”Sarah made a face at him before frowning at him, “Well. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse for being your guys kid.”Sarah twitched a little before shuddering. “I’m very glad I don’t remember that first time.”She paused thinking about it, “Because they had a blank slate to write on...they got to redo everything. Just to see what would happen. Fuck....”Sarah shuddered, “He has no idea.”She said sounding sad, because she never really had had people. Beyond her connection to james, and apparently the one she’d had with grant, making friends were exceedingly difficult for the super soldier. Moving over she pushed his shoulder a little. “Come on. Spar with me, then we’ll go get breakfast. Then maybe go scare the shit out of the ducklings.”She smirked as she looked at him, wanting to cheer him up, and hating that she’d brought him down here now, but not knowing how to. He wasn’t the same person she remembered, and really, no child knew their parent well, a child would always look at a adult different, but now that she was a adult looking at her parent, she was struggling to figure out how to be there with him again.
 
he smirked. "Steve probably tested the windows himself. they had a Magic man in here, an Alien magic man and he only managed to bust up the very top floor." Bucky pointed out. "we're not getting through the windows." he admitted with a chuckle. 'but you can try if it makes you feel better. i can play the ball in a round of ping pong." he admitted before he shrugged. "what does it matter whose blood you carry? i love you, isn't that what matters? ever since you where placed in my arms, Hydra took a back door. you where, and are my only mission." he admitted, his eyes fixed on her. "keeping you safe is my only mission." he admitted. "precisely. T.A.H.I.T.I works well. he doesn't even know all his memories are fake. he truly thinks he is Grant Ward... but there are ways to break the illusion." he admitted. "i'll break the illusion." he promised. "we might not get Andrew back, but at least he won't be a Hydra puppet anymore." he admitted before he smiled at her. "you want to spar?" he asked, looking amused. "you can't hope to challenge me yet." he teased, knowing it would just get her all the more into the fight.

upstairs, Phil was staring at the monitor that was watching them, so pale you'd almost think he was dead. "....T.A.H.I.T.I...."
 
“Well, can I use Cap?I like you to much to use your head as a pingpong.”Sarah said before flushing, looking over at him, biting her lip a little. Because she had known she was loved, had never doubted it, but it was a rarity to hear it outloud, to know that she had mattered more. Shifting over she wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into him. Frowning as she considered that. “...We’ll break it. Give him the choice of being who he wants to be.”Sarah agreed before punching him in the ribs. “You’ve been gone for 9 years. I’m perfectly able to keep up with you.”She growled even as she slid easily into fighting him. Despite her complaining he hadn’t been around, sparring with him for her was as easy as breathing, though slightly awkward because she kept getting flashes of being much smaller and doing this.

“...You know, it’s not a good thing to be watching your own classified files. It’s bound to give you nightmares.”Clint said as he dropped from the air vent, padding over towards the other on silent feet.
 
he chuckled. "Cap might mind a bit more than i would." he admitted, wrapping his arms around her. it felt so good to hug her again. "i don't think he can choose anymore Sarah." he admitted. "when they use the machine on you... too much time on it... you start to loose things. like the ability to decipher right from wrong, the ability to make personal decisions. he's lucky he can even piss on his own." he admitted as he followed her into the ring. "there is no way you can keep up with me." he scoffed before firmly handing her own ass. gentler than he used to be. there where no broken bones this time to be sure. mostly because he had much better control over himself and his metal arm.

Phil looked up at Clint, tears in his eyes. "Clint... Hydra was in my brain." he whispered. "T.A.H.I.Y.I is in my brain....." he whispered, horrified. "they might have planted things. made me think the way i think. i might be a sleeper and not even know it... they re-wrote my brain!..." yeah, Phil was having a meltdown.
 
“No. If he hadn’t shown some signs of being the man he once was, they would have killed him by now. He might have lost things, we all might have lost things, but we still have the choices. He can make his, we’ll tell them.”She muttered before frowning, looking up at him as she hit her back.”Was that me getting better, or you taking it easy on me?”She frowned at him, panting as he helped her to her feet again. sighing in peace, pleasantly tired, grinning a little as their stomachs growled."Think its time to eat."

“Hey, hey. They might have. But we know it. We’ll find out. Stay with me Phil. You’re not different then when you left. Do I think you should have told me sooner?Yes. But would you have made a different call before dying?No. Phil, I know who you are. If you can’t trust yourself, will you trust me?”
 
he nodded. "if he can't make the choices. he'll have to have someone he can trust to make them for him." he admitted softly before he smirked at her. "i'm better at controlling my arm now." he admitted, letting her decide for herself what that meant. "come on. i still can't cook. we'll make one of those cute ducks make us food." he decided as he offered her his hand and hauled her to her feet, heading for the communal kitchen. though, it was more of a cafeteria. he accepted a tray from a lunch lady after some weird facial recognition software told him he was allowed to eat there and heaped up his tray with food he hadn't had in a very long time. "so.. uhm. hi." Fitz said a moment later, hesitating, nervous and all around panicky. but still there. brave little bugger. "i was. wondering. hoping.. please don't kill me... could i look at your arm!?" he asked, looking hopeful. James blinked at him and then glanced at Sarah before holding his arm out, Fitz nearly collapsed he was so excited, rambling at a million miles an hour as he gloried over the tech, the design, the bio metrics and bio mechanics.

Phil gasped for air as he stared at her, swallowing thickly. "i... i..." he swallowed thickly, studying Clint before leaning into him, shattered beyond anything he felt he could repair on his own. Hydra was the reason he was alive. they had tortured him with experiments, hurt him with T.A.H.I.T.I.... why had the clairvoyant needed to know at all? why ot just ask the people who had done it to him? he didn't know. didn't understand. "i don't know what's real and what's not anymore..."
 
“Then he’ll have them.We’ll figure it out.”Sarah said, having almost said let her make the decisions, but Grant didn’t know her, wouldn’t trust her. The prompting a memory buried under years of mind wipes. “....They are cute little ducks aren’t they?”She snickered a little deciding to ignore the jab about the arm, before snickering as they were allowed to get as much food as they wanted. There was enough food there to feed a army, much less two people. Glancing up at both Fitz and Simmons as the two walked closer, she raised her eyebrows. “....Brave little duckling.”She muttered at James look, “If he’s like this. I don’t want to consider what Stark’s going to be like when he gets it together enough to want to see your arm.”She pointed out snickering quietly as Fitz and simmons started talking over the science and mechanics, eating quietly. Content to just let the noise and conversation slid over her.

Clint swallowed hard, because he wasn’t sure he could do this, still recovering from his time with loki himself, but he could do this. Tighting his hold on phil he met the other’s eyes. “This is real. I’m real. Your team is real. My team is real. The two lost super soldiers who need you, are real. The man who’s your prisoner right now, and is probably really confused and lost, is real. We need you, director. Now. Are you going to get it together enough to work, and we’ll deal with hydra, together?”
 
he nodded. "we'll have to." he agreed. "very cute." he agreed with a grin. "particularly the Mama Duck. he's a little stiff for my tastes but he's not half bad. of course, nothing can compare to Steve." he admitted with a snicker. "very brave." he agreed as he let Fitz and Simmons examine the arm all they wanted. "hey." Bucky said, startling Fitz so bad he almost fell over. "think you could get rid of the star?" "well... we could put a bandage over it. but it's not any kind of paint that i recognize. it looks like they actually integrated the color pattern directly into the metal." Fitz admitted. "damn..." he muttered, Fitz shrugging. "i'm sorry, but it's not my area of expertise. you'd have to get Tony Stark to handle that sort 'a thing." Fitz admitted. "i could probably build you an entirely new arm if we had the specks on that one, make it better even. between Simmons and i, i bet we could even give you some dull sensation back as well. did you know you where leaking?" "yeah it always does that." James assured them. "it won't effect the circuitry or anything, it's just excess lubrication." he admitted. "if you can talk stark into using his stuff i'd be glad to let you take scans. it's not like i care." James admitted as he removed his arm from their grip and went back to eating, winking at Sarah. while Bucky probably would never 'Like' them, he could at least get along with them to make Sarah's life a little easier.

Phil pulled in a shaky breath and then straightened, clearing his throat. "right." he agreed, swallowing thickly. "right. Fitzsimmons needs me even if no one else does." he agreed, starting to gather himself back together. "Sarah's going to need all the help she can get and i still haven't gotten Cap to sign my cards..." he paused and then scowled. "...whatever happened to my cards...?" he wondered. "now that i think about it, they aren't with my collectables..." he shook his head. "lets get to work." he agreed, pausing as he stared at the screen. "...is he letting them look at his arm?"
 
“....Oh my god. I don’t want to hear this. Can’t we go back to you pretending I never hit my teens and sex doesn’t exist?”Sarah stared at her father as she ate, smirking at Fitz and Simmons. Snickering as Fitz nearly fell over and simmons tensed. “We’d have to take a scraping to test the paint, see what to do with it.”Simmons frowned thinking. “....James, you talk like it’d take alot for Stark to WANT to look at your arm. If they’re acting like this, the little engineer is going to be humping your leg if you let him anywhere near your arm.”Sarah snickered. Amused that James was making the effort to be nice, simply because it was easier for her if he did.

“Yep. And....Oh.Fury didn’t tell you?”Clint squirmed a little as he pulled away, “Uhh... He used them to motivate the avengers....he owes you. Might raid Stark’s collection really. I’m sure he’d give you one of his set of cards.”Clint said snickering a little before nodding,”Work it is and...”He paused staring at the screen before nodding. “He is. Oh, tony’s going to be jealous he wasn’t the first. Come on, lets go do the debrief.”Clint said looking a little amazed james was playing nicely.
 
he smirked at her. "no. this is most enjoyable." he admitted before blinking at her, examining his arm before looking at her. "it's not paint, Simmons. it's dye. it was set in place while the metal was still hot. there's nothing to scrape." he stated with a roll of his eyes. "i just said that dinn'ai?" he asked her as he examined the internals of the arm. "good point, although i think people might object to him humping me." he admitted, enjoying how Fitz and Simmons where blushing. "he is cute though, and they say he's as good as a god in bed. might be worth a tumble or two." "...right. goodbye." Fitz stated, fleeing the scene as Bucky snickered. "he's so cute when he thinks a man is flirting with him." women too actually. he got quite flustered. "you finished? we could both use a shower. god i miss that. showers." he admitted with a smile. "clean hair. clean clothes, things that aren't leather and metal." he admitted. "i'm wearing sweatpants for the first time since i was frozen..." he admitted.

he blinked at them. "...motivate?" he asked, looking surprised before rage filled his features. "so THAT'S why he gave me the bus that one eyed bastard! i bet he touched Lola too! if he wasn't dead i'd kill him!" he admitted, shaking his head. "never mind." he grumbled as he followed Clint and texted his team and Steve for the Debriefing. Steve would decide if his team needed to be there. "Tony is going to be jealous." he agreed. "Clint?.... thank you."
 
“It’s Tony Stark. I’m sure it’s not the first time they’ve protested his bed partner.”Sarah smirked enjoying making Fitz uncomfortable. “And women. It’s not just men who make him uncomfortable.”Simmons snickered a little before glancing at her phone as the text came through, nodding goodbye as she left. “Shower sounds good.”Sarah agreed smiling snickering, “And while I’m sure you enjoy sweat pants, you might not want to wear them around Cap. I mean, you did used to sleep with him. Sweatpants aren’t that flattering.”She smirked, teasing him but underneth that she was hiding just how uncomfortable she was. Because while she wasn’t totally unwilling to get to know steve, the idea of parents having sex, or that she actually had a parent besides james who would want to know her, left her confused. Grinning as she disappeared into her bedroom to get a shower, snickering when she got out, making a face at the clothes, before choosing the one she knew was annoying, but she knew it was there simply because the man had it. “I think Stark’s ego knows no bounds.”She said as james walked out from his bedroom, snickering, waving a hand at her iron man t-shirt and jeans. Before nearly jumping out of her skin, hands scampering for a weapon as a voice sounded through the room. “Ms. Taylor, no reason for alarm. I am jarvis, Sir just asked me to inform you both that they are having a debriefing in the conference room.”

“Yea....uh...he got blood on them. Totally raked tony, cap, and thor over the coals from what I hear.”Clint smirked before laughing. “He might have.”he smiled a little before snickering. “Tony jealous is amusing though, so it’s okay.”He snorted amused before tilting his head towards phil, looking vaguely awkward, but willing to work on things. “....Do you want Ward up here for debrief?You heard what the Super Twins were talking about.”Clint said, not sure if it was a good thing or not to tell ward.
 
he sniggered. "your right." he agreed before he smiled at Simmons. "well. perhaps you should desensitize him then?" he suggested. "who cares about Steve? i'm comfortable!" James admitted as he patted his hip and headed for the shower, stepping out and pulling his hair back into a ponytail. "you know, if you don't want Steve around, he would understand." James admitted as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a set of socks before yanking on a T-Shirt with the Shield Logo on it, because he enjoyed the irony. "it's Stark. if you think he's bad you should have met his father." he admitted as he shook his head before he reached for a glass and took a stance, ready to kill, only to realize the voice was mechanical. no one was attacking, no one was going to hurt Sarah, it was okay... Conference room is where?" he asked as he straightened up and put the glass back down, following Jarvis's instructions.

"well... at least they died for a good cause." he grumbled. "my poor cards..." he chuckled though and nodded. "Tony is always amusing... don't tell him i said that though!" he ordered before shaking his head. "no. not yet. i want to know everything James knows about it first. the others won't appreciate him being there either." he admitted. "we'll find out just what T.A.H.I.T.I is before we set about breaking whatever programming Ward is under. and we have to be very careful of James. he might be alright for now but he's had a lot of time under that machine himself, we don't know if he might have mental problems himself."
 
“I might have to do that.”Simmons smiled a little. Studying James for a long moment as she thought, shaking her head a little. “No...he’s not so bad. I mean. For a blond puppy.”Sarah said frowning thoughtfully, feeling off balance and lost, but trying to deal, snickering as he pulled on the shield t-shirt. “Not quite as old as you, I’ll stick with the stark I know.”She snickered a little before following the directions down to the conference hall.

“I know. I still have them, might switch them out of a set of Tony’s if you let me.”Clint smirked a little, having kept the stained cards simply because he hadn’t been able to let go, snickering at the orders. “I’m sure he already knows you think he’s amusing.”He smirked before nodding. “True.”He muttered before swallowing. “And Sarah. I’m sure she’s spent some time under the machine herself....can we really trust the information that they give?”He asked as they walked into the conference hall looking worried, rolling his eyes a little at the sight of Tony lounging in one of the chairs working on a hologram, and with barely a glance he knew what he was working on. Should have known that tony wouldn’t waste time working on a new engineering project that was james’ arm.
 
he chuckled a little. "i wouldn't know. i can't really remember him." he admitted. "all i know is that i used to save his ass a lot, that he saved my life and what i can remember from DC. well that and we used to have sex." he admitted. "i'm not old!" he protested. "so insulting!"

Phil looked surprised. "you still have them?... well, no. that's okay. you can keep them." he promised. "i doubt it. Tony stark is quite oblivious and i am a very good actor." Phil admitted with a grin before he sobered. "...we simply use common sense." he admitted. "besides, this is Ward... i want to hope that he wasn't in control of his actions." he admitted softly, rolling his eyes as he realized what Tony was working on just when James and Sarah walked in. most of the Avengers going tense at the sight of James stalking around the table like a predator straight for Tony. "and just when did you get the specs for my arm, Mr. Stark?" James asked with a grin, leaning down so his mighty chest was pressed against Tony's shoulders, head on top of Tony's as he examined the new design. "impressive." "uh! not Fair! i was gonna design him a new arm!" Fitz protested. "Stark! it's not fair you get all the good toys!" "aaaw, how cute. i have two smart boys fighting for my affections." James mused, Steve snickering as he watched the byplay. yup, James was still an asshole.
 
“Ah.Well, it seems enough to trust him.”She frowned a little because it made her confused and feel off foot to know that he remembered so little, but trusted him. “You are. What year were you born in again?”

“...You loved them. Didn’t know what to do with them.”Clint muttered before sighing. “Well, hopefully it wasn’t totally ward.”He muttered tensing as James and Sarah walked in. Even if tony didn’t, simply responding how he did to any threat, sarcasm and relaxed. “You walked in the tower. Did you think I didn’t have scanners and the best hacking skills to find the specs on you?” “Hey!” “I’m older. I’m better, Skye. Shut up.”Tony said simply rolling his eyes up to look at the man leaning on him, refusing to be moved or be uncomfortable with the man leaning against him. “Then design him one. He can decide which one he wants.”Tony said before shifting a little. “If you don’t move I’m going to take it as a sexual advance, and see just what your arm can do up close and personal.”Tony said even as he turned his head to look at the metal arm, forgetting the rest of them as he focused on it. “....Oh god. Papa, you are not allowed having sex until we’re trusted. Then I can run far away to not listen.”Sarah grumbled as she looked around the table, staring at them all before easing into the seat next to Steve, away from the others as they walked in settling into their own chairs, wanting james on her other side, but not about to pull him away from whatever game he was up to.
 
he smiled. "you know. i can't remember when i was born." he lied, and they both knew it.

he smiled. "i loved you more." he admitted before watching the interactions very curiously. "hmm. good point. but i hate to break it to you, Skye had the specs three seconds before you did." James admitted, patting Tony's shoulder in mock sympathy. "don't worry. you're still the cutest hacker." he assured Tony with a shit eating grin as Fitz huffed. "oh, i have to take sides already? it's hard to choose, you're both adorable in your own way." James admitted, making Fitz splutter and hide behind Simmons. James smirked at Tony, metal arm flexing just for Tony. "yeah? well, i might like that." he admitted, flesh hand slipping up Tony's shirt to stroke at a scant inch of flesh before he looked up at Sarah when she protested. "fine." he grumbled, pulling away from Tony and taking the seat next to her. "you're still a horndog." "and you like him." James quipped back, both of them speaking so low that only Sarah and themselves could hear. "i do like him. a lot. keep your hands off my genius." "maybe we could share." "i don't think that's legal." "it wasn't legal to fuck your Sergeant during the war either." "you remember that?" "vaguely."
 
“Did not.” “Did so.” “Lies, all lies.”Tony huffed. “I am the cutest aren’t I?”Tony smirked pleased at the praise. “...You better stop, Barnes. If his ego gets any bigger, he’s going to have to move out.”Clint warned looking amused as Tony turned just to stare at the arm as it flexed. Oh yea, it was so obvious tech got him hot. “They both are adorable. Though if you don’t stop teasing them, we’re going to get no work done.”Simmons warned snickering quietly as she watched the scene happening in front of them. Sarah glanced at her parents shaking her head. “It’s legal and you can do that, and by all rumors he HAS done it, now will you two stop it?”Sarah muttered lowly, kicking james to tell him to knock it off, she wanted to hear what the debrief was going to involve, and how much they could tell her about herself.
 
James chuckled as he watched them argue. he loved stirring shit up. "i like to stroke things." James purred in Tony's ear even if his eyes where fixed on Fitz, making the man go bright red. "work?" James asked, blinking as he seamed to focus intently before he shook his head, letting the word roll off of him. training still had a hold on him, it always would. he settled into place and shared a few more snarks with Steve before pouting at Sarah, letting her listen as Skye explained everything she had found about Sarah. including the Girl's mother. a no name woman who had been named Vanna by her mother, three hours before being kidnapped and raised as a Hydra soldier. injected with an experimental Serum that left her horridly disfigured but capable of bearing children. Vanna gave her life to pass on the faulty serum and two fully functional ones to Sarah, who by all counts had super version of the super serum now flowing through her veins.

"alright. keep looking, check and see if there's any more information on her anywhere. someone else will have more information, check Shield, Hydra, and Cybertek databases." Phil ordered before turning his attention to James. "now. tell us about T.A.H.I.T.I" he ordered, startling James before he hesitated.

"...Tahiti is..." he paused, struggling. "i'm not allowed to tell you about this." he grimaced, gritting his teth, fighting with his own programming. "Tahiti is a machine that is best used in conjecture with a mind wiping thing. i've been blanked before, but they didn't dare try Tahiti on me. at least, i don't think they did." he admitted. "what T.A.H.I.T.I does is completely reconfigured the brain. over two thirds of the Truly loyal Hydra are so because of that thing." he admitted. "they clean your brain, erase every last little memory, fry it even. the Memory machine has.... severe results when used too many times. it can cause a whole host of mental and psychological problems. including my need to stop telling you things." he admitted, his metal arm gripping the table so hard there where cracks splintering from it. "the more the memory machine is used on you, the deeper the problems get, until your nothing but a mindless, emotionless robot that only does as Hydra commands. you'll see me like that sooner or later. the problems don't go away. they never go away. but they can be manged."

he paused, took a deep breath and continued. "the T.A.H.I.T.I program is on the other end of that same spectrum. it creates memories. fake ones. like you might make a game from nothing but code on a computer. it's just a program though, so there are glitches, flaws. things that a lapse of memory can't explain. like names. a person who has undergone T.A.H.I.T.I will be able to tell you that htey have three brothers, a mother and a dog. but they will be able to describe events with crystal clarity and even tell you about the story of where they got this scar... but ask them what their mothers name is, and they'll pull a blank. because names are integral. give a man a name and that is who he becomes." Phil sucked in a breath. "prove that the name is fake? and the imagery shatters and the real memories come in." he admitted. "...sometimes. the memory machine can leave a person as good as brain dead without the T.A.H.I.T.I programming so breaking the illusion is often a fate worse than death."
 
Tony shuddered as he looked up at the other man.”I’m sure you do.”he muttered watching james settle into his chair. Sarah frowned as she stared at the table, she tried to figure out what she was hearing, listening, reaching out to touch james’ hand under the table, holding his hand, “....Even the memories erased aren’t really...gone. They’re there. Still. Just jumbled. Once you started reminding me of things, or him, we can pick up the pieces sometimes, but not always.”Sarah sighed quietly because she hated not being able to offer more, but it was obvious she’d been the weapon hydra had hidden so well that she had no idea what she was. Or if T.A.H.I.T.I had been used. Simply put under and left on her own until needed.

“James remembers then putting Ward under.”She said quietly, figuring that’s why they were asking. “They fired him, gave them a completely blank slate to write on. We might leave him worse off then dead, but he might break it to find him again.Or at least, who he can be now that he’s away from Hydra.”She said rubbing her fingers over her forehead, a headache starting, because she’d been scrambled to many times, when she tried to remember more, or tried to force the memory forward, it left her reeling with a migraine, and she really wanted to remember Grant Ward, simply because he was part of a past that was her only handhold in a quickly changing world.
 
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