Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

You're a pleasant and lovely young woman, you don't need a pity anything. If you weren't so far away and I weren't so broke I'd take you out on the town.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

The only thing pitiful about what I'd do to you would be your inability to walk. You won't need a wheelchair, you'll need a stretcher.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

My vday included:

Watching all of Revolution.
Catching up on the final episodes of Top Chef: Seattle
Watching the finale of Rachel vs Guy
Watching an episode I missed of Face Off
And eating junk food.

Yup. That was my day and it was awesome.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

If going after my supposed position and how you "expect better of me" is the best argument you have, stuff it or PM me.

Everyone focuses on the supposed "insults" rather than the base of what is being said.

Oh well. Not my problem now.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

You're fine just the way you are. ..Some people need to get over it. You don't have to change "you" no matter what position you're in.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

What do you mean you're done?

You promised buttstuff!
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I hate feeling obscenely tired at the worst times. Like before class or work. It makes it hard to get up and actually go to those things.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I should stop trying to wish for shit to go my way.

No more expectation or hope. Just gonna keep moving forward and just do it.

I'll be happy. I'm just not yet.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

-snugs Hahvy-

While you're moving forward, keep in mind that if you ever want to talk, I'll be here. You've given me that option to vent, and you should have it as well. I'm pretty good for venting, too. <3
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

If I feel like I have to compete for attention, it turns into resentment and just feeling like shit.

So the guy I've spoke about a few times may have some qualities that I'm looking for but I've noticed more and more that he'd rather try to see if he can hook up with my friend than really talk to me. It kind of hurts, to be honest. It's odd because he'll say certain things to me but then I'll see him post all over her shit [which he's never done with me.] So my insecurities are being prodded over and over to the point where little things make me upset involving the two of them. I don't know if she even gets what he's trying to do but she's a big girl and can figure it out. And if they click? Well, whatever then.

I'm just trying to meet different people and hopefully find a guy I really click with that meets a lot of things that I need. I need someone with a strong personality that matches mine because otherwise, I'll see it as someone being weak - not that they might be weak but that's how I'll interpret it - and not being able to handle me.

I got to know one of my friend J-- coworker named B--. He was pretty sweet and fun to talk to and a total teddybear with me. He kept trying to hold my hand and kissed my cheeks a few times. I gave him a few kisses and he asked for my number so we exchanged numbers. I'm a little put off that he's 21 but he works fulltime and has a decent car, and plans on going back to college if he can afford it. I think part of me is still hurt from the last "sweet guy" I was with but I'm trying not to think that way. Not everyone is out to hurt me but lately, I've just been getting punched in the gut with stuff about wanting to date and trying to find a relationship that will matter and not just be a waste or harmful.

But in better news, I got my approval to graduate letter in the mail the other day so we went out celebrating last night which is how I met B formally anyways. I've seen him at the store where J works since all of the people we were hanging out with work there with her. It was a fun night to say the least.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Awesome about the letter to graduate! woot! Can you believe that is practically upon you? Soon you'll be embarking on that next step!!!

As for this other guy who is a bit younger. I say don't get hung up on the age thing. I mean, I can fully understand being a bit apprehensive or even just feeling a bit odd about it. Society definitely has us all sort of brainwashed into thinking and feeling more comfortable with the whole "young girl, older man" scenario. Even I'm no exception there seeing as I've never dated anyone older and ended up marrying someone 6 years my senior and when it comes to writing stick to that traditional due to 'comfort'. However, I do think that if I were single and all that...... I wouldn't let age ultimately rule things or my decisions. Sure, it would play a part to a certain degree. I mean, you wouldn't find me gunning for men 10 years younger or whatever. Hell, you wouldn't find me gunning for a specific age bracket, period. But the point is this... if you happen to find someone you click with and mesh well with, don't let age be your 'make or break' factor. Just take things a day at a time and see where things go. Don't dive in head first, just take it at a good pace and whatever happens, happens.

You truly do have a lot to offer a partner in life and when that person comes along--the one right for you--they will see that and they will not leave or take it for granted. Just as you won't take them for granted. I know I've told you this before. I think the main thing is realizing that in the end you won't need that person to be ultimately happy... but they will ultimately add to your happiness. They will complement you and you them. Age and a slew of other factors won't matter and there won't be any doubts or questions. Life will just become that much fuller, that much richer.

Anyway, I do hope everything here works out. I do think you deserve this as you know and would love to see ultimately realize that finding such a relationship will only enhance the awesome and beauty you already have as the person you are. I truly do have the faith that you'll find it. And my fingers are crossed that you'll find it here........ so here's to what might happen. <333333
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

You know, I had a decent weekend until I found out I was being led on "accidentally."

The dude is getting back together with his ex girlfriend. Kind of just like, fuck this shit. All the fucks I give and whatnot.

Honestly, it's like the straw. I couldn't help but cry after I read what he had to say to me. I'm just emotionally exhausted.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

In about a month it'll mark a year without you.

I plan on doing something special. I don't know yet but I'm gonna try and let go of everything. I've been trying to fill a void you left behind and partially from the friends who have left me. No relationships can fill it, only help heal the wounds. It's just rough.

It would be nice having a special someone in my corner while I go all this shit alone, but it doesn't seem like that's gonna happen any time soon. So it's whatever.

I'm happy to be graduating and I need to figure out my housing situation. For all I know, I may not be living in Salem after the summer. I don't know yet. I might move back home. I might move somewhere else. I do plan on taking a trip to Washington to explore the west coast because I've been dying to do so.

As much as things have been sucking for me on other fronts, I just need to do right by me. Hopefully, the weather will warm up so I can go out and walk and feel better in general. Being closed in with all the snow and cold is only part of the problem. I know it's been depressing me to not feel the sun and be able to just relax. To really write. To really just not worry. To not stress about work or school. About my friends or where I might live. About my family or money. About having a companion.

Hopefully it will continue to warm up this week so I can go to the park with my notebooks and just write. I'm glad this is vacation week because I just need to chill. Too bad work sucks.

Well, time to sleep. My words of the night.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Work has been both exhausting and helpful with clearing my mind of all the crap. Sometimes I'll hear those special songs and feel the sadness come over me but I just push it aside and keep moving through the pages of work I have to get done. This week has been a 30 hour work week and whenever I can sit down for more than two minutes, I just feel like falling asleep.

Last night I hung out with a guy from OKC. He seemed sweet though a little bit odd. We ended up just watching youtube videos on his laptop and talking. It's better than most hang outs I've done since I didn't feel any pressure or any twitchy need to walk around/get away from him. I'm usually uncomfortable with people in my space that I don't know very well. If you couldn't tell, my space/home is very personal to me so instead of feeling relaxed with some new person in it, I feel anxiety - especially when I'm making food. I twitch. A lot. Aka fidget like a motherfucker. But last night was pretty casual so I guess I'm steadily working on my anxiety? I have no idea. Maybe he just had a very mellow vibe. He does smoke plenty of weed, after all.

Either way, it was a nice evening and we might hang out again soon. He was funny so why not?
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I don't know how many times I have to say "I'm alone and that bothers me" to my mother before she gets that it's upsetting that it keeps getting brought up.

It's not even relationship alone, it's just physically/emotionally/friendwise afuckinglone.

I don't even like admitting it to myself that I'm alone much less say it out loud-repeatedly-within the span of several days.

A majority of the time, I don't give a shit that I'm alone/left alone to my own devices more often than not. I'm used to being the loner and figuring shit out to fill my time.

But fuck, man. I can only take so much "I'm so fucking happy, let me sing you the song of my people!" before I'm just annoyed. I get it, you're happy, I'm glad you are happy instead of a miserable schmuck, but don't put it in my face all the time/whenever I see you.

If I'm down, try to cheer me the fuck up because it's not you I'm upset with, just my own situation. I'm tired of people avoiding me because they only want to stay in their happy world like ignorant fucks because, holy shit, I'm having a depressive day/week/time and would just like someone to give enough of a fuck to try to cheer me up and help put a smile on my face. There's only so many cat memes on the internets.

Or better yet, lets not talk about how happy you are or how miserable I am, watch a fucking movie and laugh like nothing can touch us.

That would be better.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I know how you feel and it does suck I won't sugar coat it being/feeling alone fucking sucks it's probably the worse feeling in the world and yes it does get aggravating and annoying hearing how happy other people are and having it in your face constantly. I may not be able to do much but I'm here for you, whether you need someone to vent/talk to or if you just want to bullshit with someone. If you need someone to legit listen or just be there you can always shoot me a PM/IM whichever you'd prefer and like I said I know how it feels to be/feel alone all the time and I hate to hear that you feel that way and I wanna help any way I can. Keep your chin up hon, you're an awesome person and no one can change that.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Hahvoc, you're always welcome to come to me if you wanna rage for a while. Nothing brightens my day more then hearing from you, even if your mood is sour.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

So I'm doing a little bit better. I think just getting some of the crap off my chest helped somewhat. I'm also super fancy today and done up like 40s pinup. <3 I really love pinup. I do not love the amount of hairspray in my hair however.

And thanks, to the both of you. <3 And I'll contact you via text, Trygon. CAUSE YOU AREN'T ON FACEBOOKS.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

I'm so glad you're doing better, sweetie.... *much loves* Hearing that makes me happy. I hope things continue in this way. Also, I'm so loving the pin-up look on you. It's fitting and just stunningly gorgeous! <333333333333
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom